Ta dah, another friday another update

ROBYN POV

I pushed off the bars and headed back upstairs. Levi was talking, believing, perhaps even listening. And my heart was ready to burst. After so long keeping it from things, stopping myself from feeling beyond the surface, I let those swathes of warmth run through me. Yes, he was still in a cell, and sure we clearly had a long way to go before he would fully forgive himself or trust himself. But it was a start. And I had my Captain back. He was home.

Finally, I can breathe.

Just outside the door was the guard and Eren, in a very tense silence. Big green eyes scanned me till finally the thin line of his pursed lips curled into a relieved smile.

"All limbs intact." I said as I walked towards the mess-hall, before changing course for my quarters. I needed a lie down. Despite the happiness, my head was aching and my body felt filled with lead. Probably from the sudden relief. Probably from endless sleepless nights. Probably… Who the hell knows.

Eren jogged up beside me. "You didn't want me down there, so I had to at least stay nearby."

"Did you now…"

"I had to make sure that maniac—"

"He's still our Captain, Eren." I said tiredly.

He just huffed.

His hypocrisy began to grate on me. Surely Eren of all people could understand having something within them they couldn't understand, or fight. He'd shut up, but I could see it, bubbling as we walked. I wanted to break the silence, to trip him and pin him to the cold floor till he used logic. But I didn't. It was clear his concern was built out of affection for me. Nevertheless, it was still bloody stupid. Still, my own anger wasn't really aimed at him, it was the injustice of the situation.

"I just want to keep you safe." There was no anger as he mumbles this like an embarrassed little child being caught sneaking a second cookie.

"We live in a world where that isn't an option, Eren, remember?"

"I can try. That bastard isn't hurting you again."

I stopped and stared. He didn't take it back, despite how I blinked in disbelief. No, he just frowned in defiance. Eren really couldn't see how much of a hypocrite he was being. He stood in front of me, taller, broader and sporting the vague fluffy beginnings of a five o'clock shadow. Yet right now, more than ever before, he was being a child. Nothing but a silly little boy.

I drew a deep breath. "Levi is not the enemy."

"Whilst he's potentially trying to hurt you?" Eren snorted. "He's my enemy."

I glared. My eyes grew warm and my throat thickened, maybe it was exhaustion, maybe it was just a domino effect, but I couldn't withhold those tears. They fell. Eren baulked. He looked like I'd slapped him. In all honesty my palm itched to do so, to slap him sideways into next week. But I didn't.

Instead I just glared while my tears tracked down my cheeks. "How dare you?"

"Robyn I–"

"You're so much better than this."

"Better than what? Wanting to protect you?"

"How can you be so judgemental, after being so harshly judged yourself?" I jabbed his chest with my forefinger. "Who was it that agreed to be entrusted with you in order to gain you freedom? Who put his reputation on the line for that? Who trusted you enough to have you on his squad. He may have also been trusting himself to be able to deal with you, but he also let you breathe, he treated you like a soldier, not a fucking experiment. Can't you see it?"

Eren looked to the side, cheeks burning. "I've never tried to hurt you. I never would, I never could. I—"

"You haven't had your mind fucked with." I half-laughed. "And don't go throwing stones from your glass house, Eren. We all know you've had your own slip up."

He frowned.

I raised my brows. He was really going to make me say it. "Trost? Mikas–"

"Not the same."

"Bullshit!" I threw my arms up. "Eren please… Look, I don't want to fight. But at this point we all need to act as a team, otherwise they've already won. Do you understand?"

He gritted his teeth.

I tried again. "Do. You. Understand?"

"Yeah…" He thumped his fist against the wall. "I do."

I backed away. "Give me some space, Eren. I need to lie down. I need to breathe."

"Fine." He called after me. "But I'm sorry Robyn, if he does hurt you, for real? I will kill him."

"Great…" I rubbed my temples as I walked away. "Now I have two idiots to worry about."

"How did we meet?" Sat on the floor, cross-legged in front of the bars, I asked yet another question.

Levi sat on the other side of the bars, on a chair, one legged propped on the other knee as he lounged. He looked less tired, and had clean civvies on after a bath, but he still looked awful. Then again, the tea would help. I smiled as he held it in his peculiar way – the little details soothed my soul.

He frowned. "As in officially introduced? Or when I first saw you?"

"There's a difference?" I asked, blinking at his eye-roll. "Okay… Both?"

"Erwin officially made introductions when you arrived with Jaeger and those other brats." He sounded so bored, but I gave a nervous look to Hanji who remained calm but frowned a little. Levi clicked his tongue. "Wait… That's wrong. You… You weren't in their class." He groaned, gritting his teeth.

"No, that's Annie…"

It was our third day of questions and I hated that phrase. 'No, that's Annie'. But Hanji said it would be best to keep my responses small, consistent. Levi did his usual; he slammed down the teacup, rose from his chair, and paced, muttering something under his breath. The words evaded me, but he kept glancing my way with those determined eyes.

Then he stopped. "Shit. No, that's entirely fabricated, isn't it?" He ran a hand through his hair. "Leonhart never joined the Survey Corps at all."

I nodded. "Correct, Levi."

Levi clicked his tongue. "Right… No, of course she fucking didn't. I first met you… I first officially met you when you hadn't done your straps right." He glanced my way and I nodded, a small smile breaking through. "I demanded your name, and yelled at you… A lot. At… Dinner?"

"Correct, Levi. Can you remember what you said?"

"Can you?" He looked confused.

I snorted. "I doubt many Cadets forget their first berating by the Captain Levi."

"Oh…" He returned to his seat, clasping his hands. "I said… damn… I have no idea."

"That's fine. No memory is better than a fake speech they put into your head instead."

"Sanshi." The Commander murmured.

I blushed. "Sorry… Correct, Levi. Let's move on to the other part. When did you first see me?"

It took a few moments, but Levi returned to his relaxed position. Then he thought and a small smirk pulled on his lips as he looked into his tea. "You were lined up with the other rookies. In a big bunch of mumbling brats, you were one of the few standing tall. Happy to be there. I think I noticed your mess of red hair. It was windy, it was flying everywhere… Like a flame…" He stared at my hair and my cheeks burned.

I remembered my first roll call, me and Petra had been so nervous, but beyond that I only remembered being absolutely desperate for a pee. Along with wishing I'd remembered to tie up my long hair, wondering if a troop leader might come along and hack it off for me. Oh and the guy next to me had really bad body odour.

"Please say that's right." He rubbed his eyes.

"Well… Yeah. Correct, Levi."

Progress was being made.

Slowly but surely.

The days passed, tea was drunk by the barrel-full, and my arse went numb several times over being sat on the floor.

By the seventh day of questioning, we had entered the third consecutive day without wrong answers. He had been correct again and again. Every time a lie nearly came to light he stopped himself, he knew it was wrong. Bit by bit he was reclaiming his reality from those bastards.

The final question came and finally I could say goodbye to that damn phrase.

I grinned. "Correct, Levi."

"Thank fuck." He sighed, closing his eyes and letting his head hang back for a moment.

I got up from my spot on the floor, turning to Hanji as she made her last note. She matched my smile. There was only one more test. Something I'd been wanting to do since seeing him ride back through the gates. Except, now that it was actually possible, the nerves rose. Hanji waggled her eyebrows as she side-stepped out of sight, but still in the cells. I turned to Levi, biting my lip. He watched Hanji leave with a raised brow, then looked at me, grey eyes zoning in on my lip. I stopped biting it. I stepped forward.

He retreated.

I felt like a fricking predator.

He shook his head. "Brat no… We can't be sure."

"Not till we know, no." I said, not moving, not rushing him. His hands curled into fists as he stared at my lips, shaking his head. "Levi… I assume you would like to leave the cells?"

"Yes."

"And… I assume you want to come back to… Our room?"

"Yes."

"And…" I drew a deep breath. "G-Get into our bed?"

"Yes." He breathed, hands unclenching. I nodded and stepped up to the bars. He remained where he was, a few steps back, his eyes unsure. "But what if that is the other trigger?"

"You're still locked in that cell, and there's guards outside the door."

He stayed put.

"If you're not ready, we can wait. But we won't know until we try."

He looked down and wavered. "You're really willing to trust that it might be fine?"

"Of course I am." I gripped the bars. "I trust you."

"How?"

"Please, Levi. Come back?"

His breath caught, but he cleared his throat. "All right… But stay still, brat."

"Like a statue."

He still hesitated, but approached till he was only a breath away. My skin tingled. His eyes swam with fear, pools of a sky in tempest, but I just held his gaze. Together. We could do this together. Come on Levi, let me help you feel again. Let me feel you again. Slowly he leaned in, as anxious as that first night. It seemed like a lifetime ago.

Finally he pressed his lips to mine. Nervously.

I fought the urge to move, to tangle my hands in his hair, to force his lips open and entwine my tongue with his. It was like I would go mad. But as his lips became insistent, I allowed myself a little freedom. I carefully parted my lips, and sighed at the taste of tea on his tongue. The ache burned in the pit of my stomach, scalding as it thirsted for more contact. I ignored it, focusing on the sensation of our mouths. He grew hungrier as he pushed against me, his breathing becoming as ragged as mine. His hand rested on my waist, squeezing as his other held the other side. I kept my hands where they were, gripping the bars as I denied myself.

Then he tensed.

I opened my eyes and stared into his as they went wide. He pushed me back, before shoving himself away roughly against the bars, flinging himself backwards as he bit down hard. He smacked against the far wall with a crack.

"Robyn, run, now!" He yelled, bracing himself. Shaking his head as he feared what was about to happen. At least what he thought was about to happen.

I didn't move.

My smile stretched from ear to ear as joyful and exhausted tears streamed down my face. It worked.

When he didn't hear me retreating, he glared through the bars. "Brat please! I don't know how long I can—"

"It was a herbal tablet." I laughed breathlessly, a hand on my chest as my heart hammered. It felt whole again.

He stayed by the other wall, but gradually realised my words. He frowned. "What?"

"Hanji considered they might've planted something in your mouth, to be used when the trigger was set off. So she knocked you out with something in your evening tea a couple days ago. She found the pill connected to a back tooth, and replaced it with a harmless herb tablet."

"So it's not another serum? No freakish reaction?"

"Not unless you have a very weird allergic reaction to her herbs."

He swallowed hard and stopped cowering against the wall. Looking down at himself, it seemed like he was allowing himself to realise the truth. No fever. No convulsions. Nothing. He was fine. He smoothed back his hair and raised a brow at me. "Why're you smiling so much?"

"Because…" I laughed into a sniff. "As soon as you realised what you were about to do, you jumped back. I mean… We don't know if it was meant to be that you took the serum or you forced the pill into my mouth to give me another serum but… either way, they failed."

"Shit…" He puts a hand to his mouth, brows raising in the middle.

"You… You didn't want to hurt me, you didn't believe what the trigger was telling you." I breathed, sinking to my knees and laying my head against the cold bars. We did it. Levi was really home. Laughter bubbled out of me as the tears continued. I'd bottled it all up for so long, the flood gates had opened.

"Shit…" He barely whispered, staring at his hands and rubbing his wrists, like a man suddenly freed from handcuffs. He then looked at me and a small smile appeared. It was real, like seeing the sun again after being buried alive. It was fucking glorious. "So… the pill you took out of my mouth, it would have made someone turn, right?" He slowly approached the bars. I nodded and he frowned. "How the hell does that work?"

"Probably the same way as that injection did the first time round… Hanji had a look but she said it was majorly unstable. They're still experimenting, clearly." I gulped, head still swimming in euphoria. "She's still studying it though. Give her time."

"She can have it, as long as I didn't get to use it, I don't care… She's a pain in the ass, but she has her moments."

"Seems like we all do." I looked up as he reached through the bars, running a hand along my jaw, making me shiver.

"Seems like you've not burnt out after all."

"Never." I sighed, laying my head against his palm as he ran his thumb under my eye. It was simple moments such as this, which had made me ache so much. I'd missed it all.

The Commander hummed and strode over, holding her hand out to her Captain. Her friend. "Good to have you back, Captain Levi."

"Commander." Nodded Levi, shaking her hand firmly. "Sorry about the dramatics."

"Sorry we failed to rescue you."

"Call it even?"

"Sounds good."

I continued to giggle, having sunk my head onto the stonework as my body shuddered with joy. Damn this world and its nonsense. Give a girl with a fragile mind a break.

"Missed you, Shorty." Hanji laughed.

Levi sighed. "Oddly enough, I kind of missed you as well Glasses. Good catch on that… Mouth trigger. Seems you're not entirely full of shit."

"Your sentiment is very touching."

A hand rested on top of my head. I patted it, not quite ready to move yet. "Give me a minute. I'm having a Robyn moment here."

Levi hummed. "We can hear the laughter, but you're sitting in the way of the door?"

I jumped back, wiping my tears away and watching the Commander unlock the door.

Levi stared at the open door, not in indecision but in gratitude. He then strode out and saluted his Commander. It was returned, before the Commander promptly stepped aside so I could leap across very unceremoniously and throw my arms round Levi's neck. His arms wound round me, and forced all the little bits of me back together. I tangled my hands in his hair and breathed him in. I'd never known of a prisoner smelling so damned good.

"You're late, you prick." I muttered.

"I'm sorry, brat." He leaned away and put his hands either side of my face. He stared and I smiled, more tears falling down my face. Dammit this was sappy, but dammit I wasn't about to break away. Never again. "I'm home."

Another set of rookies started the training run and I sat down beside Levi, watching their technique, their speed, their gas use. It was a good vantage point. And it meant we could sit and have some tea in the sunshine. While the plans for heading towards the sea were still being finalised, we had some down time to enjoy. There was still work to be done, but it seemed like everyone was content to have a little ease in their lives. Hanji especially was keen to create space for me and Levi to do so. And that was sweet of her, but we did want to be useful as well. So some babysitting suited us fine.

Eren had been keeping his distance since Levi was released. Between being embarrassed about his reactions, as well as still being uneasy around the Captain, I think Eren just needed time to adjust. But he would smile when I saw him at least. He didn't seem to be sulking. Having said that, Armin did often look a little awkward when I glanced his way. No doubt Eren was venting to him about the situation. The blonde had no poker face. I would have to speak with them at some point, but for now I was just enjoying the peace.

Levi sipped his tea and kept his gaze on the recruits, the sunshine washing over his pale skin, helping the scars to fade a little more each day. The dark rings under his eyes were almost returned to their normal state, and the bruising along his neck had eased too. Clearly they had been drugging him right until the end, the bruising evidence of the ongoing drugging sessions. My poor Captain. He had been through so much, but now he was home. And he was even confiding in me about the few memories he had been regaining from his time in captivity. It wouldn't be big things, and he often dropped them into conversation without pre-warning. But it was his way, so I did my best to keep up. The last one was that the White Cloaks kept mentioning maintaining some kind of cycle. And that matched rather well with the journal information. So they clearly wanted the cycle for some reason.

Human to Titan, Titan to Human.

Death being the only key between stages, as far as we knew, other than Shifting.

But why keep that torment going?

Levi theorised that the White Cloaks saw it as a kind of immortality, despite the fact there didn't seem to be evidence of people retaining much memory of their previous lives. It wasn't impossible of course. Very little seemed impossible these days. So that was our leading theory on the motivation of those bastards, and that the White Cloaks somehow saw us, the Scouts, as a threat to that cycle. Which made some sense. We did want to break that cycle – we wanted more than anything to be permanently out of a job.

But it still didn't explain their want for my phrasing.

Or indeed, wanting rid of me if they couldn't find it.

Levi set down his cup. "I think they considered I might know the phrasing."

I had been sipping my own tea, keeping a close eye on one of the rookies who always seemed to be dipping too low before using extra gas to rise back up, when he caught me off-guard with his latest captivity rumblings. I set down my tea. "Oh? They questioned you on it, too?"

"One of them kept coming back to it, yeah. No idea why. Then again, not a lot of what they were doing makes sense unless you're a psychotic bastard." He closed his eyes, and frowned a little. Something else was brewing on his tongue.

I waited. As always it was best to give him space. I'd push if need be, but so far hadn't had to.

He breathed deep. "Do you think Keza will visit soon?"

She had been busy with her work on the Orphanage with the Queen lately, but I think it was clear to everyone that she was dragging her feet on coming back to HQ for a more potent reason. Something had really spooked her that day. When she laid down the con and convinced Levi she was in on the want to kill me. Something really unsettled her. She had made it clear to me since that she didn't blame Levi, not at all, but she was still trying to work past whatever it was that had shaken her in those cells. In her letters it was clear, and having met her in the city for some tea and cake, even clearer. My Keza was spooked.

I smiled. "I think so, yes. She's just–"

"Working up the nerve." He smirked, though it soured and he opened his eyes again and looked down. "I really do need to speak with her."

"She doesn't blame you."

"I know. But I think a part of her might fear me, and that's not all right. Not when she's such an important part of your life… And not when I already took so much from her."

It was easy to let it slip sometimes how much his emotional scars could still ache. There was no point in repeating the sentiment that Keza didn't bear him any ill will for Erwin's passing. Levi knew that. But I also knew that such knowledge did little against the guilt.

I patted his knee. "She'll come when she's ready. And I'll let you know when she does."

He put his hand atop mine. "Thank you."

"Of course." I closed my eyes again to enjoy the sunshine, the whoop of the training cadets ringing in the air, a nearby patrol returning to the stables, and the clunk of cadets maintaining their gear.

We were doing well, taking things slow. For the time being we weren't sharing a room yet, it was too much of a risk in Levi's eyes. We had been alone several times of course, having meals with just the two of us, or going on patrol together, or moments like that by the training grounds. But he was nervous about the night, and in all honesty, so was I. The fact he was confiding in me more and more about his memories made my own guilt rise every time, but I didn't know how to bring up what else had happened to me. He was doing so well. How could I endanger that by revealing what those men did? How they held me down and– I stopped myself. Levi might never remember anyway. We may have stopped all future triggers from ever activating. Maybe. I could hope. I would hope.

And then I heard running feet.

I peered in that direction and saw a grinning Connie running towards us, a letter or something clasped in his hand as he flailed his arms. What on earth? I sat up, and so did Levi.

"Robyn! This just came from Keza, Commander Hanji told me to bring it straight to you. Here!" He shoved it into my face, panting hard as he leaned on his knees.

"Cheers Connie…" I took the note and patted his back as he wheezed. The note was in two parts. One a telegram that read:

Not bad news. Calm your shit.

And then a sealed letter. I could appreciate the fact that Keza knew by now that we Scouts were quick to assume the worst. I opened the letter:

Dearest Numbnuts,

Hope the days have been treating you well, and you've been able to get some damn rest at last. You and Scowler alike. The quiet time is nice, eh? But I don't want to tempt Fate, and assuming this down time will last forever. It's us. It won't. So! I've decided that it is high time we, as a big ol' group, deserve a bit of a shindig. So I'm inviting you, and the rest of the Scouts you know I adore, to come here to town for a party. Nothing fancy, just some drinks and good times. But it seems like we have a few things that need celebrated properly. And perhaps some things that need remembered too. We can toast to your rescue, Levi's recovery and even Erwin's passing, and anything else in between. Main thing, to celebrate. Enjoy ourselves. And perhaps get a little pished. I'll see you in a few days!

P.S - Wear a dress you heathen.

I grinned and looked up from the letter, handing it over to the curious Levi and then looking to Connie who had rather helpfully lingered for my reply, presumably the telegram chap had been told to wait for a response.

"Go let the telegram guy know it's a yes. I suppose technically I should be asking the Commander, but I can't see her saying no to a few of us going to a party."

Connie's eyes lit. "Party?"

"Mhm, seems Keza is keen to raise a glass with us. Now go on, before the guy buggers off."

He nodded and dashed back towards the gates.

I looked towards Levi. "Seems like she is pretty keen to see you as well."

He lowered the paper, eyes drifting along the training track. "Yeah… Seems so."

"Nervous?"

He sat back. "That obvious?"

"A little."

"I think I preferred when you couldn't read me so well…"

I grinned and patted his knee again. "Nah, you didn't."

He rolled his eyes.

Partyyy! Cya next time