A/N: Flow-of-the-story-wise, this probably should have been chapter 22, but chronologically, this bit started eight hours after the Trent and Rebecca lemon did, and I'm going by that order. I might fix it later.

The bit at the end with Nathaniel naval-gazing was added in after I did some light editing. I noticed this installment kind of just stopped when Cat and Nate were unsaddling the horses, so I added in just a smidge of story glue.

This chapter title's one of my band's original songs. Enjoy. Or uh… don't. There's always a back button, you know.

Actually, while I have you! Question to readers: Do you guys think Cat, George, and Rebecca sound like a hivemind? Like they're tuned into each other's thoughts and looking out for each other's interests at the expense of narrative logic? Do they talk and act too much alike at times? Leave your honest opinions in the reviews, please!

Chapter 23: I Must Be a Masochist

When Nathaniel got out of the shower, the apartment was empty. He breathed a sigh of relief. He hadn't wanted to force George out, but he did truly need some space to process his emotions, and to let George process his as well. And, to be entirely honest, Nathaniel wanted to be able to masturbate to his crush in the privacy of his own bedroom without someone getting pissy with him over it.

And that is what he did. He lay back in his bed, letting the scenes from the movie, the memory of Trent in the shower with water flowing over his flawless form, and the memory of Trent purring into his ear take him over. Now that he had admitted to himself that he loved Trent, it became easier to say out loud, and he said it, many times, in many ways, losing himself to fantasy. He imagined Trent cuddled up behind him, whispering naughty nothings into his ear, telling him to be a good little bug, oh God, this was nice, nice to be able to relax and do this without worrying about being overheard…

…except the bugs had never been removed, Nathaniel realized. He cast his gaze about, but couldn't see anything that looked like a camera, but even so… Trent had the ability to watch him at any time.

So Nathaniel was now masturbating, not just to Trent, but for Trent, imagining the other man watching him and getting off on it, which just made it ten times hotter.

"Maybe you can't be mine, but I'm yours, oh God, Trent! Oh Trent, I love you so much. I'm yours, Trent, please… Oh, yes…take me, I'll be your good boy…"

xoxo

It had been a few days since Cat had heard anything from Nathaniel, and she had given him that time to sort out whatever it was he needed to sort, but now, she was leaving the next morning for Iowa and wanted to at least set something up with Nathaniel upon her return.

So, after packing and making sure she had everything for the next morning, she picked up her phone and left him a text.

[Hey Nathaniel, it's Cat. Was just sitting here, thinking about you and wondering how you are. Listen, I am going to be out of town for a few days. Family business. But wanted to know when I get back, can we see each other again? I would really like to spend some time with you again. Maybe go do something fun…like water polo or something like that? Or even go for a walk and just chat. Let me know, Kay? I miss you. Bye for now. xx]

Smirking to herself, she set her phone down to wait. Knowing Nathaniel wouldn't be able to resist a text from her.

Nathaniel had just finished when he got Cat's text. With a light groan, he got up to clean himself off and wash his hands before checking his phone.

[Hey Cat,] he wrote back, [Great to hear from you! What a coincidence, one of my friends is also going out of town for a family thing. I would love to see you again. Feeling much clearer-headed since my prescription ran out. I seem to remember I promised to take you to Rome for our 2nd date, but I really would like a do-over of our first. Why don't we combine your two ideas, sort of, and go for a walk on the beach? Cheesy, I know, but there really is something about that ocean breeze.]

He let out a deep, shuddering breath. Things were looking up. He didn't feel nearly as complicated about dating a beautiful woman, since that's what he was used to, although he didn't think he would ever get used to Cat's beauty.

Cat grinned as she heard her phone go off. That didn't take very long. Opening it, she nearly giggled at Nathaniel's text. Poor boy still didn't get it, but that was ok. What he lacked in observation, he made up for in charm. She quickly texted him back, smiling to herself.

[Hey Again, Man! Rome huh? Sounds good but I agree, let redo the first date and then we can go to Rome, sound good? lol I really am glad you feel better and proud of you for taking better care of yourself. You are a good person Nathaniel, with a lot to offer. Don't ever put yourself down or think that low of yourself again. Ok? And sure, a walk on the beach sounds fun. It's not cheesy, it's romantic. I will let you know when I get in back from my trip first thing…and…not to sound forward, but…could I text you while I am away? Corny, I know, but I really like talking to you and you make me smile…cheers.]

She had to admit, she was good at her job, she just hoped she didn't get to far in and not be able to get out again. Still, Nathaniel when he was sober had been very charming. If he stayed that way, she might even like spending time with him. Time would tell.

It was encouraging to Nathaniel that so many people were proud of him.

[You can text me anytime; it always puts a smile on my face. And please, call me Nate or Nat ;) Nathaniel was my father. And grandfather.]

She was so cute and classy. She thought of texting as forward? There weren't a lot of women out there with that perspective.

He disagreed with her about being a good person, but if she thought he was, even after he had made a mess of things, who was he to argue? Besides, she made him think that he could be.

[Alright…Nate.] Cat texted with a giggle. [You're funny, I like that. lol. So…about this do-over? Walk on the beach, for sure cause, romantic. Can we hit up the boardwalk too? Lots of fun stuff do there, I am sure.]

She sent that with a grin, acting all the world like an innocent, fun loving young lady. Which she was, but it was hard, playing a part when she had thought that Nathaniel was charming to begin with, until he had made a complete ass of himself.

But she was willing to try again and wanted to keep him hooked as well. [Just…never been to the boardwalk before. It seems fun. And we can eat crazy foods, tease each other, and laugh…just think it would be a great time. What do you say?]

Chuckling, she set her phone down again and waited.

[Of course,] Nate texted back. [I'll buy you a caramel apple ;)]

He hadn't been to the boardwalk in years. His nanny had taken him, when he was a little boy, until his father insisted he had 'outgrown' it. But he didn't want to put all his family issues at her feet.

He smiled fondly at his phone. He really liked this girl. She was fun, charming, and adorable, without Rebecca's complications or Mona's expectations.

[I like caramel apples. Best of both worlds.] Cat texted back with a smirk. [I will let you know when I make it safe, if you want. Just, this is going to be hard and knowing I will have you to talk to while I am away is sort of comforting, so, thank you Nate. That means a lot.]

He was kind of cute and a little bit charming when he tried to be. Cat had to remind herself though, of what was 'expected' of her and no more. But it was so hard when Nate was being all gentlemanly because it really did make him adorable.

Ohhhh…she had to go do something else while she texted Nate or she would fall into something that she wasn't yet sure she wanted or was ready for or even should! So, she got up and went to go find something to do that would keep her mind busy. Maybe a visit to the stables?

[I'm happy you trust me to be here for you, all things considered,] Nate texted back.

Then he stripped his bed and went to toss his sheets in the wash, but there was that towel. Ugh. Nathaniel put on a pair of rubber gloves, grabbed the towel, walked out into the hallway, and discarded it in the incinerator, with a look of disgust. He tossed the gloves for good measure, then went back to his unit and put his sheets in the wash.

[Thanks. I can't wait to see you again…] Cat paused and then smirked wickedly to herself. [You know…I am headed to the stables that the University started on public grounds. It's just on the outskirts of town, if you'd like to join me for a while. It's cool if you're busy, but I am going down there to do some training and thought I would ask. Hope you are having a good evening.]

[I'd love to,] Nathaniel texted back. [I'll meet you after my laundry is done. So, in a couple hours lol]

He was looking forward to hanging out with her. Was the stable open at night? Didn't matter. She seemed confident she could get them in. And he did love animals, after all.

[Good! See you then!]

With that, she clicked her phone closed, got into her car and headed to the Stables. The one place in her life where things made sense.

Horses were such gentle, easy-going creatures and they were so easy to understand. Not at all like humans, with their hidden agendas and massive insensitivity. Riding always gave her a clear mind, and it was something she thoroughly enjoyed. That she had all access to the stables didn't hurt either.

She arrived at the stables. Using her ID card, she scanned it and smirked when it turned green, and she opened the door and walked in.

Heading towards the back, she flipped on a switch and was greeted by at least three of the many horses, sticking their heads out of their stalls to whicker at her lightly.

Walking down the path between the stalls, she stopped at a horse stall and peeked over into it. "Hello boy. Miss me?" She giggled as a massive Friesian stuck his head out over the stall door and nuzzled her. "Want to go for a ride?" She asked as she gently stroked it. "Ok then…" She giggled again as it tossed its head as if it understood her.

She turned and headed to the tack room and grabbed a bucket that had brushes and returned to give the horse a good brushing, before she cleaned his hooves out and then went to get saddle and bridle to tack him up with. "Easy Apollo…we are going." She chided the monster horse gentle with a grin. She was excited too.

xoxo

Nathaniel had finally finished washing and drying his sheets. He made his bed quickly. He'd been on tenterhooks this entire time, anticipating seeing Cat again. He booked it down to the stables she had mentioned and texted her, [I'm right outside! Can't wait to see you!]

Cat had been riding around the ring for only about 30 minutes, when her phone went off. Pulling Apollo up, who gave a snort at being stopped, she patted his neck and then grinned, seeing Nate had texted her.

[On my way handsome.], she replied and tying Apollo's lead to an O ring on the side of the stables, she gave him another gentle pat and smiled. "Be right back, big man. Mommy has to go let her friend in. So be nice to him, ok?"

Apollo was a bit…sensitive to people, and only took to a select few. But the moment, Cat and he had met, it had been an instant bond, and she had bought him straight away.

Heading to the door, she unlocked it and pushed it open, smiling at seeing Nate. He looked a lot better than last time she had seen him. "Hey Nate. Come on in. Looks like it might rain…how are you?" She stood aside so he could enter and locked the door behind him.

Nate smiled back at her as he entered. "Rain is good," he said. "I have no problem with riding in the rain. I'm doing…" He paused. Was she being polite, or did she really want to know? He settled on the polite answer. "…well, thank you, and how are you?"

She was so pretty. Her light brown hair managed to shine softly somehow even in the near-darkness. Her large eyes were playful and kind at the same time. She seemed like a faerie, playful and free-spirited. Magical.

"You are silly…" Cat said with a hint of a laugh. "The ring is indoors, I was just…trying to make conversation about the weather." She blushed.

"Haha, silly, that's…me…" Nate blushed lightly as he remembered someone else who called him silly.

She led him back into the riding ring and walked back over to Apollo. "Hello my big, strong boy. Someone is here to say hi to you, so be nice," she whispered as she gently petted the massive, black horse who looked down at Nate with a reproachful glare. "He's really gentle when he gets to know you. Would you like to go pick one…a horse…and come riding with me for a bit?" She smiled brightly over at him.

He followed Cat into the ring and looked admiringly at the black horse. "That is one handsome stallion," he said, nodding respectfully to the horse.

"Thank you. Apollo is my baby. I rescued him from a backyard breeder who was gonna sell him to a chop shop. Yes, I did." Cat giggled softly as she rubbed her horse's nose.

"Jesus," Nate swore under his breath. He was sensitive to the suffering of animals, more so than to the suffering of humans. "The world needs more people like you. And fewer people like the backyard breeder," he added in an undertone. Then he blinked at himself. That was dark, even for him.

Cat smirked at Nate's hushed outburst. It was cute. "The world just needs to understand that animals are not simply that. That's all." She gave Apollo a gentle nudge after tying his reins to the saddle. "Go play…" She turned back to Nate with a smile. "Animals have souls too. They feel, just as we do. If more people remembered that then there wouldn't be so much harm coming to them…or ourselves for that matter." She blushed, as she always got a little outspoken when talking about her passions, and animals were definitely one of them.

"Animals are a lot better than people," Nate opined. "They're not capable of evil, like humans are. They feel just as deeply as we do, but they are instinctively kinder and more loving." He was dimly aware that he sounded sappy, but somehow, Cat had a way of bringing down his defenses. He largely didn't care how sappy he sounded, and that was new for him.

"Well…yes and no." Cat replied, looking over at Nate. "Some are capable of great evil…animals that is. Some can be 'born bad', just like people…but…you can't let a small, rare, select few, ruin the bunch for you, now, can you?" She threw a smile at him.

"Mm, I would disagree with you on that. I volunteer at the zoo sometimes, and while we have definitely run into animals that were born mischievous to a degree, it's only the ones who have been gravely mistreated that seem to instinctively become 'evil'." Nate did quotey fingers for the last word.

"I guess I can see that…"

Nate walked round, observing the horses for compatibility of spirit. He eventually picked out a light grey, almost white, horse.

Cat watched Nate without seeming to, and noted he picked an exceptionally beautiful but spirited horse. "That's Cofax," she said softly. "She's a bit of a handful, but she's a sweety when she wants to be." She gave Nate a smile. "Brushes and saddles are in the tack room there…unless…you want some help…?"

"Yes, please help me," Nate said gratefully. "It's been…a while since I've ridden."

"Sure, come on. This way." She led him to a smaller back room, handed him a bucket, and grabbed the saddle and reins before making their way back to Cofax's stall. "Move over, girl…coming in." Cat giggled as she opened the stall door and pushed the huge creature back further into the stall. She took a brush and began to lightly brush out the horse's coat.

Nate followed her. "Have you been riding long?" he asked. "In California, I mean."

She bit her lip and nodded. "Yep. Ever since I moved here from Iowa." She grinned.

"Oh, that's right, you're from… Des Moines, right?" That's where she had mentioned going to college. "I've got a friend from Iowa, but I never thought to ask which part."

"Yeah. That's in Iowa, Nate," she lightly teased. "Small, little out of the way place…where horses and cattle abound. I actually think you'd might like it."

"Yes, I know… I just was thinking, I wonder what city in Iowa my friend is from. We're…we're newly friends, so I haven't…I do love animals. So that sounds nice."

Cat continued to brush Cofax, who made it clear that she loved the attention and nuzzled Nate a little too hard. "Hey! Be easy on him, girl. Been a while." She playfully patted the horse, who knickered.

He laughed. "Easy," he chided the horse gently, at the same time she did. "We should go to the zoo sometime," he suggested randomly. Cat's beauty and free spirit unhinged him, thinking about Trent in any capacity unhinged him, and thinking about both turned his brain into rice pudding.

"I would like that, Nate. The zoo sounds fun. Is that after…or before Rome, though?" She laughed gently.

"It's whenever you want to go," Nate responded easily. "Same goes for Rome. Just say the word and we're on our way." He knew he was showing off a bit, but he wanted to spoil her. She seemed so simple, so small-town; he wasn't sure how much of the world she had seen. He wanted to show her all of it.

"Really? So…if I said, right now? We'd go?" She was teasing him again, gently, but wanted to see what he would say. "I'd be up for it. Could use some spontaneousness in my life…but…for right now, I know two horses who would be very put out if we left them, just now." She grinned playfully.

"Actually, I do know the night guard. But I was looking forward to getting to know your equine friends, so in this case, not immediately," he agreed.

Cat went to put up the bucket with brushes and to grab the saddle. Strapping it on the horse, she used her knee to get the horse to let out the extra breath she had just taken to keep the cinch from being tightened all the way. "She likes to trick new people that way," Cat explained. "You think the saddle is on right and then WHAM! She takes off and there you go. Gotta make sure you trick her back. Huh, Girl?" She smirked and held out the reins to Nate. "Ready?"

Nate took the reins and hoisted himself up onto the saddle. "Hey there, Cofax," he said kindly. "I hope we can become good friends. Please look favorably on me."

She smiled over Cofax's neck at him, before chuckling softly. He had an easy way about him tonight, and she rather liked that. She liked this version of Nathaniel. Sweet, almost innocent. If this was really what he was like all the time, she could see herself liking hanging out and spending more time with him.

Hearing him talk to the horse, Cat melted. Yep, he had a way with animals, because Cofax was a horse that would test you, and the fact that she didn't barrel out of the stalls and into the ring straight away with Nate on her back told Cat more than anything else might about that man.

Thinking that over, she whistled and waited as Apollo drew closer and without even pausing, reached up, grabbed the saddle horn and his mane, and swung up into his saddle effortlessly while he was still moving. "Come on, Nate…let's give them a good run!"

Nate was definitely up for a good run! "Right!"

They took off, frolicking, practically gallivanting. Nate laughed out loud. This was the most fun he had had in a while, and it helped take his mind off the complicated and confusing things he'd been dealing with over the past few days.

Cat was enjoying herself for the first time in a long time. Nate was a very accomplished rider and they pushed each other to see who could go faster. Apollo was up for the challenge too as he strove to outdistance Cofax, but Cofax kept up with the black Stallion and they raced neck and neck, neither giving ground to the other.

Then they passed a clove tree. The powerful fragrance hit Nathaniel like a truck. All sorts of recent memories flashed through his mind. The reins went slack in his hands… and he wiped out.

Cat's eyes widened as Nate hit the ground, hard! "NATE!" Cat's worry was evident in her voice as she pulled and whirled Apollo around and made it to his side as he was just sitting up. "Are you alright? You hit the ground pretty hard…" She trailed off.

"I…" Nate did a quick pain scan. Nothing he couldn't handle. Lying on the ground, dazed, Nathaniel breathed in the smell of the cloves like he was pining after a secondhand high.

"What…is a clove tree doing out here?" he gasped out in his daze.

Her eyes furrowed at his question. "You—wiped out because you—smelt a clove tree?" she asked incredulously. "Why does it matter? It's a tree, Nate." She tried to play it off, while inside she was slightly raging. She knew just who smelled of clove, exactly. "Come on, let's get you up. You really sure you are alright?" She looked at him with worry in her eyes, turning to whistle for both horses.

"I was just surprised, sorry. Clove trees aren't native to California, so it's not something I expect to see, or-or to smell, outside of one of those New Age shops or one of my buddies who wears clove cologne. I'm okay." He got to his feet more or less gracefully. What was that? Was he going to get dazed every time something even passingly reminded him of Trent?

"Yeah, the director of the stables just likes them. He says it's calming to the horses," Cat answered honestly. But inside she was a little hurt that Nate was adversely affected by the smell, and she instantly knew why. But she put that out of her mind for now.

"Sorry, that was really lame of me," Nate apologized. At least he wasn't blushing anymore. "I guess you come here often enough that you're used to it?"

"Of course, I practically live here…and clove is something my brother likes to wear too, so been around it enough, you get used to it." She smirked and held out Cofax's reins questioningly. "Want to continue, or call it for the night?"

"Let's continue," Nate said, getting back up on Cofax's back.

Cat's smile grew brighter as she turned, took Apollo's lead, and swung back onto his saddle.

"So… Wait a minute. Your brother wears clove?" Nate thought he could feel a, well, a thought, stirring in his head. "And you guys are from Iowa, he went to Harvard, and he has a penchant for turtlenecks? Am I remembering all this correctly?"

She froze, only for a second, when Nate began to put two and two together suddenly. Maybe he wasn't as oblivious as she had first thought.

"Yes…that's right," she replied, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear as she leaned over to give Apollo's neck a gentle pat. "I have told you that much ever since we met, Nate." She looked back over at him, waiting.

Nate frowned slightly, an expression his prep school friends had termed "Natefusion" back in the day.

"My God," he said, taking a closer look at her. That light brown hair, creamy skin, and those soft green eyes… He could kick himself for not comprehending why he had been so attracted to her right off the bat.

Catherine stood there and watched as it firmly clicked inside Nate's head—who she was, who her mysterious brother was—and waited for his reaction, her attention very firmly on the horses rather than him. But…when it came, his reaction was not what she had been expecting. In fact, she turned her eyes from her horse, to look back at Nate with a shy smile. "You—you aren't mad?" she ventured shyly.

"Greg is right. I am a moron."

"I don't think you are a moron, Nate. It's not like I shouted it at you. I just don't…talk about my brother all that much."

"Uh, you actually did talk about him a lot on the date which shall not be named," Nate joked. "I talked to some of my buddies about what I could remember of the date and they… Well, one of them called me a moron and stormed off."

"I did talk about him a lot…only because I was nervous and didn't know really what to talk about." It wasn't a total lie. She had been nervous, and it had been an actual date where she had enjoyed herself until…

"You must be so weirded out by me," Nate lamented.

She shook her head and smirked. "No, I am not weirded out by you. Why would I be?"

He blinked. "Well, I thought you'd be weirded out by me because I was acting a little crazy," he admitted. "I'm sober now, thank God, but if you really are Trent Maddock's sister, I took you to a stag film starring a guy who looks like your brother. That had to have been weird for you, right? I had no idea, I— I swear to you."

"Nate…Nate…It's ok. Remember, do-over, right?" Cat chuckled softly and threw him a real thousand-watt smile. "Forget about it. We are here, together, and right now, that's all that matters. To me, at least." She chuckled and kneed Apollo closer to Cofax. "Come on, let's continue…bet you I can beat you to the woods." She clicked at Apollo and the massive horse took off like a shot.

"Oh, it's on!" He loved competition of any kind, and they took off racing. She had an edge over him because she did this more often and was more familiar with the terrain and the horses, but he was a go-getter.

"Come on, Nate! Let's GO!" She laughed as she looked back and saw him gaining on her and Apollo. "Come on, Apollo…they are catching us, boy!"

"Anyway, I see Greg's point," said Nate as he rode up beside her. "About my uh… obliviousness."

"It's not hard to miss the dots, Nate. Shouldn't be so hard on yourself. Trent is…a very interesting man. He's not the type to really be all 'flashy', you know? He tends to fade into the background and all…but that's always been our way. Whether he likes to admit it or not." She had said that last part a little low, but it was still audible.

"Interesting is right," Nate agreed. "You both are," he added. "I've never felt more tense than when I'm around him, or more at ease than when I'm around you. You're total opposites. You, for example, you're laid-back and free, and he's, I'm not gonna lie, he's got kind of an intense personality," Nate said conversationally.

"He's always been that way…since we were young. But he isn't a bad guy. Just…misunderstood. He's kind of socially awkward and doesn't really understand the basis of friendships…so…if you are his friend, teach him. Help him learn." She blushed, thinking she might have said too much, but it was also a subtle warning. She hadn't forgotten the way Nate had reacted to the actor who looked like Trent, nor had she forgotten the way he had draped himself over her brother as she left that night. She hoped he connected those dots faster.

"He'll get the hang of it," said Nate. "It took me a while, too, to figure out how friendship worked. I'm still figuring it out, to be honest," he admitted.

"My ex, the one I mentioned, she makes friends with everyone so easily, and she made me want to start making friends too. Mostly I just hang out with my gym bros, but those friendships feel… I don't know, shallow? And my coworkers and I tolerate each other, but…" He made a 'pffft' noise.

"So basically my best friends are a pick-me PA who jacks off in my apartment, and a guy who tried to kill me once or twice." It wasn't easy to explain all this while keeping stride with her, but somehow, he managed.

Cat slowed as they reached the woods and pulled up to listen. This was important. Hearing what Nate said and what he didn't say, she was good at picking up on both. "I know it can be hard, trying to make friends when you aren't exactly sure how to do it," she said gently, turning Apollo around so she was facing Nate head-on. "But I also think the reason you feel comfortable with me is that I try not to bullshit you. I believe firmly in hard, cold honesty at all times, and sometimes it can hurt or sound odd when one hears it."

Nate sucked in a breath. "I…used to believe in brutal honesty too," he said, "but I've learned sometimes it's better to keep some truths to yourself. The reason I'm comfortable with you is because even when you're telling me things I don't want to hear, you have a way of doing it that's very gentle. Maybe it's part of your feminine charm—that's a lost value if ever there was one—or maybe it's just who you are as an individual human. But I like it."

Cat blushed at Nate's compliments. It had been a long time since anyone, even her own brother, had seen her for the person she tried to be. That he saw her as she saw herself said a lot to her. "Omissions are betrayals, Nate," she said ever so gently. "Would you want me to omit or refrain from mentioning or keep to myself something, and you find out about it in another way? Or at all?" She posed the question to him that way. "Can you live like that, Nate? Live a lie? Knowing you know something, but someone who should know it, doesn't? I don't think I could. Honesty is a big thing with me. Best you know that, right out of the box." She smirked gently. He was endearing in a boyish type of way.

"Why tell someone something if telling them is just going to hurt them and they'd never have found out otherwise?" Nate countered. "There are things I've been told that I could have gone my whole life without knowing and been… As happy as someone with my upbringing can be. Trying to force everyone to tell you everything all the time is… You might as well just plant 24/7 surveillance on them, you know? People have a right to privacy." He momentarily forgot that her very brother did have his apartment bugged.

"I wasn't talking about all the little white lies we keep to ourselves, or things like that. I mean…important things." Cat chuckled and shook her head. "Trust me, I get where you are coming from on that…lots of things I could have done without knowing in my life too." She paused and tilted her head at him, almost cutely. "Just…be honest with me, ok? That's all I ask. The rest…can figure itself out."

"O-kayyy," said Nate dubiously. He didn't really know what she meant by big things, but now didn't seem like the time.

"Nate, I'm not blind…" Cat started gently, reaching out to cover his hand lightly with one of hers. "I know how you feel…about my brother…and I know it's confusing and you aren't sure what is going on, or how to go about figuring it out, but…know that I am here for you. Ok?"

Oh. She knew. "Wait… You know I have… feelings for your brother, and you're still willing to keep going out with me?" he asked. "That's not weird to you at all?" He was cautiously optimistic.

She gave him a playful look when he tried to speak of his feelings for Trent and she chuckled softly. "I was there that night, Nate. Your date, silly. I saw you two as I left. Again, not blind." She said gently, but in a way that it sounded funny, like she was trying to joke to break the tension. "It's a little weird…but that's ok."

"I'm sorry, I don't remember that part of the night. All I know is what I've been told," he said.

Cat wasn't sure if she should broach such a subject, but she was already balls deep, as the expression goes, so why not? She looked up at him. Emerald eyes falling into blue. "I really like you, and thought you were adorable that first night. Little on the arrogant side, at first till you relaxed, but an alright egg." She giggled and smiled, steadying Apollo who tossed his head as if agreeing.

He smiled. "I'm adorable? Ha. I don't get that a lot. I'm sure you do, though. Because you're actually adorable."

"Thank you, Nate. Doesn't happen as often as you think though. And yes, you are very adorable. Your ice blue eyes when you get passionate about something. Your lighter colored hair that matches your skin tone…your personality, the way you act when you are excited or shocked. You are so adorable." She blushed and bit her lip at hearing his praise.

He blushed and smiled, ducking his head at her compliments. "You're sweet," he said frankly.

Cat plowed ahead. "I like you…and I now know that you are probably just as socially awkward as he is, so…someone has to keep you both out of trouble." She teased that time.

"Sure, keep us out of trouble, but I haven't needed a nanny since I was 17," he joked back.

"Friendships are great…but there are lines you don't cross…even if you want to, and you keep referring to Trent as your friend…but react differently to things that have to do with him."

"Trent and I are friends." He didn't quite get what she was getting at. "Yes, I… I think I might be in love with him, but he made it clear nothing like that will happen between us."

"Believe me, I get it," Cat said. "I was once in love with an incredibly beautiful woman…" She trailed off and looked away a moment. Before composing herself and turning back to smile at Nate. "Some things…just aren't meant to be. But at least you can still have friendship with Trent. Savor that, just don't strangle it."

Nate looked at her sympathetically. "I'm sorry it didn't work out. That must have been rough. And I don't plan to push Trent in any way. I don't want to lose him or Rebecca as friends. Oh, that's right! You— you probably know Rebecca, since she's going to be your sister-in-law. Yeah… Good luck, by the way. Honesty is not her strong suit, historically speaking."

Cat decided to let it go, except for the slight barb to Rebecca. "I figured she isn't the most…static person, kind of flighty and prone to 'fits' of self-doubt or undecidedness…but she is sure about my brother, and as far I know, she has been honest with him and me as well, ever since I first met her. People can change, Nate. Sometimes, things or people come along in your life and make you want to change."

"Yeah, that's fine, it's just, she has a history of saying whatever she thinks will get her out of trouble. No big deal, and she's cute and quirky and everyone loves her, just a small characteristic I've noticed. I don't think I've ever caught her lying about anything big. I even acted as her defense lawyer once."

She paused and tilted her head again. "Have you gone to see her?" She asked gently. "I heard you apologized to Trent and that you did apologize to Rebecca over the phone, but she strikes me as a 'look you in the eye while you do it' type of person. Perhaps you should. That way, at least you'd know where you stand with her, and can drop all this stepping on eggshells thing and we can even spend some time together, the four of us. That would be fun. Right?"

Nate chortled uncomfortably. "She's engaged to, and living with, someone I just figured out I have feelings for. I'm not sure I want to have that conversation in front of him. Besides, she's flighty and dislikes conflict, it'll probably blow over soon. When were we stepping on eggshells?"

"I just want you to know, I accept you as you are, Nate. I don't want you to try and fit a mold or be some part of my imagination to what I think a man should be. No. Always, Always, be you. Ok? Cause I like you…like…a lot!" She trailed off, blushing a bit. Hoping that she hadn't overstepped.

Hearing he could be himself was both comforting and daunting. "I don't know who myself is," he blurted. "I'm a tripp from a WASP family, remember? My only 'self' until VERY recently was what my father expected of me, which was what his father before him expected of him."

Hearing his heritage, she tilted her head. "And I am a Maddock from Iowa…doesn't make me who I am, anymore then Tripp makes you, who you are Nate." She said gently as she sidled Apollo closer still till their knees were practically touching. "But don't worry…I can help you find it…whatever you seek…whoever you want to be. I will help in any way I can." She dared to reach out to lightly caress his cheek before she pulled away. Blushing madly. Where had that come from?

He sighed. "Tripp means third. I'm Nathaniel Plimpton III. That means I have the reputations of my father and grandfather, who share my name, to live up to, and that I'll be expected to sire a son and name him Nathaniel Plimpton IV. No offense, but you really wouldn't understand, being …well, from a different kind of family. Legacy means a lot to us. I can't see the same in you or Trent."

Cat straightened in her saddle a bit. She knew he didn't mean to sound arrogant, and knew where he was coming from, but it did hurt a little. "We take breeding and family lineage just as important in Iowa, as you do here, Nate." Her words were gentle, soft. She didn't want to seem like she was berating him in any way. But also to let him know that they weren't that different. "Is that something you want…or your parents?" She asked, giving him a soft smile. "Why should your parents get to decide what makes you happy?"

"Yeah, you just proved my point that you don't understand my family's expectations," Nate said shortly. "You and Trent are free to do whatever you want with your lives. He's free to chase a girl for twelve years without any repercussions from his family. But if my father found out I made a single decision that derailed me from the path he set for me, ESPECIALLY for a girl, I would never hear the end of it. You can't say you understand legacy and then throw out some wishy-washy fluff like that." He turned and rode angrily back to the paddock. They had been getting along so well. He liked that she was so simple and free, but that simplicity blinded her to the reality of other people's lives, he was quickly realizing.

And then he realized something else. He could never have been with Trent even if Rebecca wasn't involved. His mother might be okay with it, or at the very least, not confronted him about it, but it was not part of the Plimpton way. Prep school antics were one thing, as long as they faded away in adulthood. But even if Trent was a free agent, Nathaniel would still have had to friendzone him in the end. The realization was bittersweet.

Nathaniel dismounted, put the horse back and set everything to rights, and then just sat under the clove tree with his knees drawn up and his face buried in his arms, willing himself not to cry.

Cat had no idea how things took such a hard turn so fast. Hearing what Nate had to say really upset her, because she honestly didn't think it was fair for parents to instill their beliefs on their children in this day and age, even if they were rich or poor. She understood a bit about what he ranted about, but he was true in a way. She and Trent had never had that kind of expectation placed upon them. Never had to be perfect…well…not like Nate was talking about, for there were other types of 'perfect' that some parents shoved their children into. So she wasn't entirely blind to what he meant, they were just speaking about two different 'tiers' as it were.

Watching him ride away, she felt badly and chirping to Apollo, raced after him and dismounted after she tied Apollo's reins back to his saddle so he wouldn't get tangled in them, and sent him into the stable on his own. That horse knew the way. She made her way to where she knew he would be and her heart broke, at seeing Nate so upset.

"Nate…?" She ventured gently as she came and took up a seat nearby. Close enough to give him space, but close enough to give comfort. "I didn't mean to make you upset. Forgive me?" She tried gently, before sighing.

"There's nothing to forgive," said Nate, looking up with red-rimmed eyes. "We just have different perspectives and it'll take some getting used to. I shouldn't have run away, but that's usually how I handle conflict."

Cat felt instantly better. "You are right. Your life and mine are two different things. I wasn't expected to follow my parents' dreams, but I was expected to appear perfect in everything I did. If it was less than 100%, I was asked why it wasn't and then made to do whatever it was again, and again till I made it so." She paused and shook her head slowly. "I know it isn't exactly the same thing, but I do understand, just a little what you mean."

She knew their lives were completely different, but what she didn't understand was that if he was so unhappy, then why he didn't just leave? He was keeping himself in his own cage, and that wasn't fair either. But she figured that he wasn't probably ready to hear that yet, so let that thought go.

He blinked away the treacherous few years that had fallen. "That sucks," he sympathized. "My father's a perfectionist too. He thinks having a cold is some sort of character flaw, and naps are for children, the weak, and the elderly. Growing up with that kind of pressure…" He shook his head. "I shouldn't have judged you. I didn't know what you've been through, either."

"I am sorry you're hurting Nate. I wish I could help…I didn't mean to upset you, honest. I think you, Nathaniel Plimpton III, are perfect, just the way you are and I would want you to change nothing about you."

She reached out and tentatively rested her hand lightly on his shoulder, hoping he wouldn't shove her away. They really weren't all that different…really, they weren't.

He cupped his hand over hers. "What I'm upset by is the situation. I've had people ask me why I don't just bail, and there's no easy answer to that. It sounds so simple, to just leave, but it isn't. I can't follow my heart, and even if I could, I really can't. It's a bleak life. But thank you, for letting me open up to you and for not judging me, even when you've seen me pretty much at my worst."

A small smile crossed her face as he cupped her hand with his. Why did one little action cause her such a thrill? And hearing the way he opened up to her, that meant a lot too. Nate was usually an awfully hard to read man, for her but now he was being honest and open. She liked it.

"You are welcome, Nate." She said gently. "I know it can't be easy. Living the lives we both do, but know that you aren't alone anymore. I will always be here for you. Never will I judge you on anything you have to say because I like it when you are like this. Open and forthcoming."

"Your energy is so gentle and calming," Nate said. "Or maybe it's the tree," he joked. Clove bud oil was marketed as soothing, but that wasn't Nate's experience. Still, it wasn't unpleasant. He just had to get used to it.

He was serious about her energy, though. She was kind and sweet, and she really did seem to want to understand him.

"Yeah…it's totally the tree." Cat laughed as she settled closer to Nate. She felt even better that he felt good enough to joke with her. Maybe he wasn't so bad as she first thought. Sure, he was a little rough around the edges, but wasn't everyone?

She reached out and lightly wiped a few of the stray tears that were sliding down his face away. "Things will work themselves out in the end, Nate. Even if it always isn't the way we want them to be. Just know that I like you, just the way you are…just no more running, ok?" She teased lightly with a hint of a grin. "You're faster than me."

He was surprised to hear that he was faster than her. She was damn good on a horse, after all, and he was out of practice.

"There's… been a lot on my mind lately," he said. "I'm kind of a mess. But at least I'm sober now. You, Greg, and Trent all said you were proud of me. Proud of me. I never heard that growing up, from anyone except my nanny. Don't get me wrong, I loved her, but it's different from hearing it from your parents."

Hearing how being told someone was proud of him, made him feel, she felt just that little bit more of herself ache for him. Had he truly never had anyone say such to him before…that mattered? How irrevocably sad.

"Trent was the first one to say it, and I was so happy that someone was proud of me that I told Greg, and Greg just added it to this litany of things to judge me over. I didn't have the presence of mind to explain. Now Greg isn't speaking to me, things are weird with the Joshes, eventually I'm going to have to talk to Rebecca, things are going to be weird with George at work…" He heaved a weary sigh.

"Ironic that the only person not judging me for liking Trent is his own sister, the one person who probably knows the extent of what he's capable of. Maybe everyone else is right, though. God, I must be a masochist."

"Hey…hey…" she said gently when he started in on all that was wrong or awkward in his life. Instead wanting him to see the positive side instead of the darkness.

"Greg will get over it." She said gently but firmly. "He's your friend and is just concerned right now, but he will get over his issues, whatever they may be and will get over it. So try not to worry about that cause nothing really you can do to change that."

"Same with your other friends…the Joshes. They are confused and it will all work out l; and don't even worry about Rebecca. Sure, she's still a little mad now at what has happened between the two of you, but you apologized, right? Don't be scared to go talk to her, Nate. If you really care for her like I know you do and she does, you, then things will be fine. She's not going to be mad forever. Promise."

She paused and tilted her head a bit at that last part though. "Far as George goes…give him a chance too, ok? Or at least try. If he has apologized for his behavior, then I am sure he knows what is wrong…with himself…and will try and fix it. Don't go back to work expecting things to be awkward or bad, cause then they will be. Go in, be your charming self and all will be well. You'll see."

Nate took in what she was saying. He made a face when she suggested giving George a chance.

"I don't really… Look, I've known George for a little while. Trust me, we are not compatible. He's an okay guy, but that's just it. He's just okay, and sometimes he's not even that. He can mask his feelings all he wants, but that doesn't mean he doesn't give off a needy vibe."

"So he gives off the needy vibe." Cat said with a soft smirk. "So let him. That's his problem, not yours. Don't feed into it by even acting like it bothers you, Nate. George will either figure out how to help himself, or he won't. That's not your issue either."

"You're right, it's not my problem, but he tries to make it my problem sometimes and it makes being in a room with him uncomfortable. I don't know. Maybe I'll just…" He trailed off.

"You're right, you know," Cat said after a moment.

"About what?" Nate asked.

"I do know what my brother is capable of…but he wouldn't say he's friends with someone if he didn't mean it. Remember that." She smirked lightly at him and nudged him gently. "Don't always immediately look for the bad, Nate. Cause if you do…that's all you're going to find…and I…I don't want that…for you…"

Nate chuckled. "No, I believe Trent. He's very earnest. It's just… After what he did to me, for me to feel the way I do about him, it's all different shades of fucked." He shook his head. "But I'd rather be his friend than his enemy."

She chuckled with him and shook her head. "It's not as weird as you might think. There are lots of examples of things like that happening to others, and they felt the same. Not exactly Stockholm, but close. You are just learning and accepting the fact that you like men, and that's scary for you, I get it. But don't confuse lust with love, Nate. Those two things are vastly different." She chided playfully, gently.

He blinked. "No, I'm fine with liking men, I used to experiment with the guys at school, it's just, liking that specific man is weird for me. It's like I told Josh and Greg. One day he's throwing me across the room and the next, he comes off so …sweet. I keep thinking he's innocent, even though I know for a fact he's not. And… It's not just lust, although that's a part of it. You guys have incredible genes. Somehow, he managed to turn me down without hurting me, or my pride."

His words about her family's genes did make her blush and she bit her lip as she looked away shyly. "You might have to thank our father for that. Granted our Mothers…they are both beautiful too just…" She trailed off as she realized what she had said and looked back at Nate. "Don't tell Trent I said that. Please." She paused and this time really did flush in embarrassment. "It's a very sensitive subject for him…not as much for me, but for him, it is."

"I see," said Nate gravely. "You're his younger half-sister. Yeah, I can see why that would be a sore subject for him. Is he good to you, though? As a brother? Because it's not your fault you were born."

Cat took her time answering that question. She didn't want Nate to get involved with her and Trent's family drama. "He isn't bad to me, if that's what you are asking." She lightly side-stepped the question. "Trent can be…stubborn at times, but he isn't horrible." She smirked slightly as she was bold enough to rest her head on his shoulder. "You are sweet to say so though. So thank you."

Nate nodded. He couldn't imagine Trent actually being bad to anyone, but he had to make sure. And that Trent was stubborn, Nate knew for sure. "Yeah, he is tenacious. It works out for him. I mean, he's getting married to someone he's admired since college who didn't even know he existed until four years ago."

He paused and licked his lips. "So… I really like you, too, but I kind of…gave up monogamy after things went sideways with another girlfriend. Not Rebecca. Well, kind of, but not. So, I still want to see other people, and maybe see what casually dating men is like. If you're not into that, I completely understand, but I thought it's best to let you know up front. Like you said, honesty."

Hearing that Nate liked her, Cat smiled, and she understood where he was coming from exactly. He had a lot to figure out. About himself, about what he liked, exactly and she didn't hold that against him. "I get it, Nate. You don't have to explain…and besides, I can share, you know." She giggled softly and gave him a bright smile. Just, if you ever wanted us to…date, and still do the whole sharing thing, just be open about it. I won't be mad. Honest. It's how it all works, really. Communication.

He breathed a sigh of relief. "That's why I'm telling you. I would like to date you, and see what guys are like."

Cat was surprised and a little pleased at hearing Nate's word and it made her smile while trying not to totally blush like a girl. "I would like that too, Nate. I really, really like you too and think you are adorable." She reached out and playfully ruffled his hair with a giggle.

"It's settled then," Nate said in a matter-of-fact way. "We're both adorable. And we can see each other and other people." He felt like a weight had been lifted. "Hell, maybe I'll pity fuck George," he joked.

"Nate!" She laughed. "You don't want the man glomming all over you, don't throw a pity sex at him." She teased. "You'll never get rid of him that way."

"Oh… I didn't think about that. I figured he'd find out what I'm like— sober— and move…on… No you're right that doesn't work."

"Although…" She leaned over, conspiratorially to smirk at him. "How is he…in bed?" She teased.

"Truth be told, I don't remember what he's like in bed, but according to Trent's surveillance footage, George looks like he knows what he's doing."

Hearing about that night, she blushed and chuckled. Put it to Trent to bug all the places Rebecca had been to. "Trent bugged you?" She played dumb, even though she really didn't know that he had, but had a sneaking suspicion.

He gave Cat a look. "Oh, come on," he said. "They're very discreet. I was looking for them earlier." He blushed.

"Well, I am sorry about that, but if from what you watched, you liked…" She trailed off and chuckled again, not really know how to finish that.

"I said it looks like he knows what he's doing. Watching him do it did nothing for me. But I can hazard a guess as to what I was thinking at the time."

"Well, I will remind him to get those out of there as soon as possible, cause that isn't exactly legal." She tried not to give him a playful look again as she stood and dusted herself off, offering him a hand up.

"He said he'd have someone pick them up. I don't mind, though. If it wasn't for those cameras, I still wouldn't know what George's problem was with me asking you out, or why he was acting so weird."

"Come on Nate. I have to get Apollo unsaddled, and it is getting late. Have to fly out in the morning early…" She trailed off as a faint smile crossed her face. "Will you miss me?" She asked softly.

Nathaniel smiled. "Of course I will," he said. "You're wonderful company, even if we don't agree on a few things."

After the horses had been unsaddled and everything put away, they parted ways with a pleasant "Goodnight" and went home.

Nate was a confusing person, and Cat liked that about him. That he kept her on her toes. Kept her guessing. Not a lot of people had ever done that before because she was so good at what she did, reading people became second nature. With Nate, though, he was harder to read, and she relished that.

Meanwhile, Nate didn't know what to think. Sure, he liked Cat well enough, but her being Trent's sister changed things. He may be an only child himself, but he had some boundaries.

Get it together, he told himself, frowning at his reflection in the bathroom mirror. Trent's getting married. Cat's single and available. But… if he dated her, knowing what he now knew, wouldn't it be like he was settling? He couldn't have Trent, so he'd date the next-best thing? He couldn't do that to her, or to himself. Besides, he really didn't want to risk comparing the two of them every time things got a little intimate. He cringed at the thought.

Fuck. Nothing could ever be as easy as he liked.

He went to his room and took a yellow legal pad and pen out of his bedside drawer. He'd make a Cat vs. Trent list. Surely that would help. He wrote their names on either side of the paper and drew a line down the middle, then tapped his pen on the paper as he thought. Both were beautiful, smart, fun to be around (he jotted those down)… But Trent was easier to get along with. Maybe it was because they were both guys, but Trent seemed to understand him better than Cat did. That fight with Cat had unsettled him. He jotted that down, too.

Yes, he was attracted to both men and women, but it was a different sort of attraction to each. Trent was muscular; he could easily pound Nate into the wall or the desk or the kitchen table or the floor. Nate shivered pleasantly at the thought. Trent was also inexperienced with men, and the fact that he was the first one Trent had ever touched sexually made him feel special, even if the circumstances had been less than ideal at the time.

Cat was strong and athletic, too, but Nate wasn't exactly about to ask her to peg him; the idea didn't appeal to him. He was sure she was warm and soft in all the right ways for a woman. She sure as hell didn't come off as innocent or inexperienced, and that could be nice in its own way.

His mind raced as he continued to scribble out his thoughts, rapidly switching between columns. This was going to be a long night.