SARAH

After the roaring sound of the shot, all Sarah could feel was emptiness. Her eyes were locked on Sophia's tiny frame laying on the ground. Her skin was greyish, so different from the girl she remembered, running around with Carl, asking questions and hugging her doll.

Sarah had felt the same way when that happened to Amy, not so long ago, even if it felt like years now.

She had felt like that when that had happened to Jim.

That was no fair...

They weren't supposed to die like that. They weren't supposed to die at all.

Amy was full of life. Jim was so hard working. And Sophia was so young.

Why were they living in that world? What had happened to their old reality? Where a girl of Amy's age should have been at college. Where a man like Jim should have been at home with his family. And where a girl like Sophia should have been running around and play.

Sarah turned to the people around her. So many people, yet so few...

They were a small group, but there were more before and now... how much would have lasted? What more could happen? Who was the next?

At that thought Sarah shivered. No one. No one should be next. They should grow old together, building a life... building a new reality.

But what reality? What they were heading to? What was she heading to? And Glenn and her friends? And Nicki and Carl?

What was the point of all of this?

Suddenly Carol's cry made her turn, to see the woman push Daryl so that she could run away from where they were.

Sarah's heart clenched at the sight. That poor woman... how could she move on from that? Sarah could never move on...

After that thought, she immediately turned towards Nicki. Her sister was still next to her, her arms limp at her sides, but the bow was still in her hand. Her face was pale as she kept staring at Sophia, breathing slowly.

Sarah moved closer "Nicki-" but suddenly a scream made her turn, to see Beth knelt on the ground next to a walker, that had grabbed her by the hair, trying to bite her. Sarah gasped as she moved towards the girl, like all the others did: Rick and Shane grabbed the girl trying to keep the walker from biting her, as Glenn was next to Sarah taking the one leg of the monster each, trying to pull it away. Next to Rick arrived Meggie, that was screaming and shaking. And then suddenly T-Dog ran to them starting to slam his food over the walker's head. The walker released Beth, but it went towards Glenn, that stopped it grabbing it by its arms.

"Oh my God" Sarah gasped moving towards her friend, trying to push the walker down by the shoulders, but suddenly the walker went limp, only thanks to Andrea that had skewered its head with a scythe.

They all went silent as Beth kept crying, too shaken up to say anything or move. Sarah was breathing hard trying to see if on Beth's body there was any scratch or bites, but it didn't seem so. Suddenly she felt an hand on her arm and turning she saw Glenn nodding his head at her, as silently ask him if she was alright and Sarah found herself nodding weakly, before turning to her sister, that was still where she had left her before all of that. She was still looking at Sophia with pale skin and slow breaths.

"Nicki..." she muttered before standing up from the ground, next to Glenn that was looking towards the others.

"Nicolette..." Sarah whispered waking towards her sister, putting a hand on her shoulder to try and make her sister look away from the girl, but Nicki let out whiny sound, not wanting to move.

"No" her sister said shaking her head "No."

"Nicolette, please."

"No..." Nicki said biting her lips, to try to hold back the tears. Tears that ran down her cheeks anyway.

"Sweety" she tried to make her sister look at her, but Nicki moved away rubbing her eyes before starting to walk away. Sarah observed her sister as she moved pass Dale that looked at her with a worried expression and then passing by Lori and Carl still on the ground.

She didn't feel to follow Nicolette, knowing that she would have only made it worst for her sister. Sarah turned to the scene in front of her at all the bodies on the ground. Then her eyes moved to Hershel and his family, they were all destroyed from what they had witnessed and Sarah couldn't help but feel bad about what had happened and looking at the gun still in her hand she felt responsible for their sorrow, and that feeling didn't left her as the family walked back to the house. Glenn had turned to Sarah for a moment, before following Maggie. Sarah nodded at him, knowing that now he wanted and needed to be with the girl, they could talk later. But she couldn't help but bit her lips when she noticed Shane following the Greenes.

"Shane" she tried with a weak voice as the man passed next to her, but he ignored her pacing furiously followed by Rick, that was still pale from what he had just done. What they all made him do.

"Are you ok?" Andrea's voice made Sarah turn to the woman, before let her eyes land to Sophia's body once more.

"No..." she muttered.

"I know" Andrea whispered, before looking at the child herself "We should do something about..." she was right. They could not leave her there, left there alone on the ground.

"We need a blanket... or something" Sarah said with trembling voice.

Andrea put a hand on her shoulder "I'll see what I can find."

Sarah dried a tear that had fallen from her eye, before she noticed Daryl starting to walk away from the corpses.

"Daryl..." she whispered as he got closer. He was biting his lips avoiding to look up, but he stopped next to her. Sarah knew how much he tried to find Sophia. He wanted to find her; he was sure he was going to find her. It wasn't easy for all of them, but she knew that all of that must have been very difficult even for the archer.

"I'm so sorry" Sarah said grazing with her fingers Daryl's arm, that shook his head taking a step back.

"I'mma check on Carol" he muttered chewing his lip.

"Sure" she answered nodding her head, having him mimic her movement, before walking away.

It didn't take long for Shane and Rick to come back. Lori had asked Dale to bring Carl back to the house as they started to arrange what they would have done with the bodies.

"We need a service" suggested Andrea "Carol would want that."

"Yeah, we all want that." answered Rick in a whisper.

"Let's... let's dig a grave for Sophia, and Annette and Shawn, uh, over by those trees." tried Lori pointing at a group of trees not that far away from them.

That was all so strange, what she was feeling. Sarah was sad and dusky, but what really scared her was the fact that she wasn't all that surprised that Sophia gone. It was terrible and she felt awful by only thinking that, but maybe she had known it all along, maybe she had stopped believing long ago. And it was a terrible feeling. Losing hope. She looked at Shane; she had never thought of Sophia as a dead girl, but maybe deep inside, she had already made up her mind on the destiny of the poor girl.

"I can't" she muttered starting to walk away.

"Sarah" Lori said.

"I'm sorry" she answered "I'm so sorry, I can't"

Sarah got as far as the barn as she could go, trying to find a place where she could be alone. She walked to some trees next to the house, sitting on the ground. She was feeling ashamed of herself and quite scared now finally starting to think through everything that she had tried to keep locked inside herself; if she had lost hope in Sophia, she had lost hope in her mother, her father and grandparents. She had lost hope in her friends and all the people that were once part of her life. And for the first time she realized for real, that she would have never made it back to San Francisco. She would have never hugged her father or let her mother kiss her cheeks. They were gone. They were all gone. And she was scared of not feeling surprise by that. And that only made it worst. She started to cry and sob, grabbing the soil with her fingers, pulling the grass as she cried harder.

"Sarah?" Glenn's voice made her look up, to notice her friend walking towards her.

"Hey" he said sitting next to her putting an arm around her, that sobbed against his shoulder "I know, I know" he muttered against her hair.

"How that happened?" Sarah sobbed "It wasn't supposed to be like this. Any of it!"

"I know" he said rubbing her arm.

They stood like that for some time, Sarah didn't know for how long, but until she stopped cry Glenn held her.

"You shouldn't be here" she said drying her tears with her hands "You should be with Maggie" she knew how much he cared for that girl. He had different eyes when Maggie was around and even Maggie wasn't living a good time.

"Don't worry about it right now" Glenn said "My best friend needs a hug." Sarah closed her eyes that let new tears fall down as she rest her head on his shoulder.

"Your best friend is sorry" she muttered.

"For what?"

"For have acted like crazy" Sarah said "After today I don't ever want to fight with you ever again."

"Yeah" he said nodding his head "Me too."

Sarah had come to care about Glenn and all the group and realizing for the first time that not even being all together could keep them safe, she understood that every moment was important and she really didn't want to lose their time with stupid arguments and fights. She was tired of feeling regret and sadness.

"How's Maggie?" Sarah asked quietly "And her family?" she still could see their desperate faces as they all shoot.

Glenn took a heavy breath "In shock" he answered "Hershel wants for us to go away... I don't know..." Sarah could understand. She didn't want to go, that place was protected, but she wasn't sure Hershel would have changed his mind about it. How could he?

"You should stay" Sarah said putting her head again against Glenn's shoulder.

"What?" he asked.

"If he'll send us away" she explained with heavy heart "You should stay with Maggie."

"I... I... don't... why?" he said getting stiff.

"I've seen how you look at her" Sarah said "In this world you were lucky enough to find someone that you share feelings with. Don't be stupid about it."

Glenn went silent for a moment and Sarah felt almost like crying, she didn't want to lose her best friend, but if it came to a choice, he should choose Maggie. That was the right thing to do.

"Let's not talk about it, okey?" Glenn said rubbing her arm getting silent once again.

"How's Nicki feeling?" he asked after some more minutes.

"I don't know" Sarah muttered moving away from Glenn trying again to dry her tears that kept falling "I have to find her, but I'm afraid I'm going to make it worse."

"Worse than this?" Glenn said rubbing her arm sadly "You know she needs you." Sarah nodded, her mind going back to her parents and to Carol; a mother that had just lost her daughter. Sarah was lucky enough to have Nicki and she couldn't neglect her. Her sister needed her.

As Glenn came back to the house, Sarah tried to find her sister. She hadn't to look for too long, before she spotted Nicki sitting on the tree, looking at her training camp; her bow and arrows resting next to her on the ground as she looked right ahead of herself. Sarah was ready to move closer when she noticed Carl walking towards Nicki.

"You're not training?" Sarah heard Carl ask and at that Nicki looked at him.

"I don't feel like it" Nicki answered getting up "As I don't feel like talking."

As she started to walk away Carl spoke again "Sarah once told me that you were worried about Sophia, but I don't think this is the truth" that made Nicki turn with a glare.

"What do you mean?" she asked.

"You feel responsible for what happened since she disappeared" Carl said observing Nicolette with his blue eyes "And now you are blaming yourself for all of this."

Nicolette bit her lips, kicking the ground with one of her feet "And now that you've all figured out what do you want?"

"Just let you know that I know" Carl answered, making Nicolette look at him with wide eyes as a tear fell down from her eyes. Sarah stood silent watching the two children studying each other.

"Everything we do, or don't do" Nicki said trying not to cry "It will affect the group. It wasn't supposed to be like this."

"I know" Carl said taking a deep breath.

It was so strange watching two children so young talking about those topics, Carl was calm as Nicki was trying to be as controlled as possible. It was a sad sight; they shouldn't be feeling like that, responsible or guilty, they were so young. They should not have seen another girl being shot in the head; Nicolette shouldn't have to use a bow to kill deadly creatures and Carl should have been scared of what he had seen. Maybe it was different for them, how they were living all of that and Sarah wasn't sure that all of them could ever fully understand Nicolette and Carl, maybe the two of them were the only one who could understand each other.
"Sarah" a light touch made her turn to see Lori "Sweety how are you feeling?"

"I think we are feeling the same thing" she said before taking a breath "I'm sorry for before Lori, I should have helped, I'm so sorry" but the woman shook her head taking Sarah's shoulders between her hands.

"Don't even say that" she said "Really, Sarah. Alright?" Lori was always so nice to her, always appearing when Sarah felt more vulnerable.

"There's something I can do?"

Lori took a breath "We've dug the graves; I was about to call Carol for the function... Do you want to come with me?"

Sarah turned towards Nicki once again, that now had gone back to sit on the ground her back against the tree as Carl was making his way back to the house. What could she say to her sister? That she didn't have to take the blame for what had happened? But she knew that Nicki would have not believe her.

"Alright..." she said before starting to follow Lori towards the RV.

As they arrived, Sarah could feel her heart beating fast inside her chest thinking about Carol and what she must be feeling.

The two of them got near the RV, Sarah was the first on to enter. She saw Carol first, sitting next to the window looking out, too tired even to cry. Then the girl turned to see Daryl sitting on the kitchen counter with his crossbow resting on his lap. He observed her silently as Sarah made space to let Lori in.

"They're ready" Lori said quietly "Come on."

Carol turned towards them "Why?"

Sarah and Lori looked at each other, but they weren't the one that spoke next.

"'Couse that's your little girl" Daryl said softly.

But Carol shook her head "That's not my little girl. That's some other...thing."

The picture of Sophia's figure coming out of the barn came back in Sarah's mind and she had to look up to try not to let any tear fell down from her eyes.

"My Sophia was alone in the woods. All this time I thought..." Carol kept saying "She didn't cry herself to sleep. She didn't go hungry. She didn't try to find her way back" Sarah remembered all the sleepless nights; they all trying to say to Carol that they would have found the little girl safe and sound. All empty words, to Carol now more than anyone.

"Sophia died a long time ago" Carol said finally. They were all thinking that, but hearing it from the woman was different, if only it made it even more real.

Lori took a breath before nudging Sarah and walk out. Sarah was looking at Carol when she noticed Daryl's posture go stiff as he observed the woman with a glare. Then he stood up breathing heavily, disappointment in his gaze, saddness...

"Daryl" she called after him as he walked out. The girl ran after him, that just kept pacing.

"Daryl, wait" she said, but when he didn't stop, she put a hand on his forearm making him turn.

"What?" he asked glaring at her, but for once she didn't step back.

"You tried" Sarah said with tears in her eyes, as he stared at her. His eyes were hard as his expression, but she wanted for him to listen to her words, so she grabbed his forearm with both hands "You tried."

The two of them looked at each other for a moment, before Daryl slowly moved away from her. Sarah observed him walking away, his crossbow hanging behind his back and his head low. She had seen him, going to look for Sophia every day, sure he was going to find her. He was certain that she was still alive, he never lost hope. Sarah realized in that moment, as the man walked away, that Daryl Dixon had believed and now he was probably destroyed by what happened.

"Rick! Lori!" Glenn's panicked voice made her turn quickly. He was running out from the house, his face pale and worried.

"Glenn!" she called running towards her friend, as Rick, Lori and Shane did.

"What's going on?" asked Rick.

"Beth collapsed" Glenn explained.

"What?" Lori exclaimed before entering the house.

They managed to take Beth up in her room. The girl was laying down only looking up at the ceiling, her eyes almost didn't move.

"Beth" Maggie kept calling her name, but nothing "Beth!"

"I'm going to look for Hershel" Sarah said looking towards Glenn, that nodded his head.

Sarah run out of the room and down the stairs, where she saw Patricia. She asked for Hershel, but apparently the woman hadn't seen him, so Sarah run out. T-Dog was next one of the cars, turning to her full when he noticed her.

"Sarah, woah, what is it?" he asked moving towards her.

"Have you seen Hershel somewhere?" she asked, but he shook his head.

"No, I didn't" he said "What happened?"

"It's Beth" she said "I have no time to explain, can you please help me find him?"

"Sure" he said still confused "I'mma take a look at the barn."

"Thank you" she said before going towards the wooden garage, were the old car that she was fixing was locked.

"Sarah?" Nicolette's voice made her turn as she kept walking.

"Nicki" she said "Have you seen Hershel?" she asked, making her sister stand up from her sitting position.

"No" she answered "I've been in the tent until now."

Sarah groaned "Can you go look for him?"

Nicolette frowned but she nodded none the less.

"If you find him tell him it's about Beth!" she yelled as she started running.

Nothing though.

She couldn't find the man and soon even Andrea and Dale had started looking. But the man was disappeared. They looked inside the house, in the whole farm, but there was no sign of the man.

"Where can he be?" Sarah said passing a hand through her hair.

"No idea" Andrea said.

"I'm... I'm going to tell Maggie I couldn't find him. Can you please keep looking?" she asked turning to the blond woman, that nodded her head.

"Sure, go."

As she got back to the house, it didn't take Rick and Shane too long to start looking for him too. They went in Hershel's room starting to look through his stuff. He had put some boxes on his bed, filled with clothes apparently.

"Your stepmother's things?" Rick asked looking towards Maggie, that nodded her head.

"He was so sure she'd recover" she explained as Shane looked through Hershel bedside table, where he found a little flask. He took it in his hands before showing that to them.

"Looks like he found an old friend."

Sarah noticed Maggie's eyes widen as she walked closer to observe the flask.

"That belonged to my grandfather, gave it to dad when he died."

"I didn't take Hershel for a drinker" Rick said after taking a breath.

"No, he gave up the day I was born" Maggie assured "He didn't even allow liquor in the house."

Sarah looked towards Shane, thinking again on what they did at the barn. That poor man must have been in shock as much as his daughter.

Rick stood silent for a moment "What's the bar in town?" he asked.

"Hatlin's" Maggie answered with no hesitation "He practically lived there in his drinking days."

"Betting that's where I'll find him" Rick said as Glenn's eyes widened in realization.
"I've seen it" he said "I'll take you there" Maggie was quick to take his arm.

"No, Glenn" she said.

"This is an easy run."

"Like the pharmacy?" Maggie asked.

As Maggie tried to stop Glenn, Lori tried to stop Rick, so Sarah decided to go take a look at Beth in the meantime. She sat next to the girl, brushing her blond hair from her forehead.

"You're making your big sister worried, sweety" Sarah said, taking a breath "And I'm so sorry, for what you've witnessed, before" she still remembered her crying for her mother and brother. Her cries when what she thought was her mother had attacked her.

"We've terrorized you and I'm so sorry" she said trying not to cry.

"Hey" Maggie's voice made her look up, drying a few tears that had fallen from her eyes.

"Hey" Sarah answered "Do you want me to leave?" she asked ready to get up, but Maggie shook her head sitting on the other side of Beth.

"Stay" she said taking her sister's hand.

They stood quiet for some moments before Maggie talked again "Glenn decided to go look for my father."

Sarah smiled a little "That's sounds like him" she said before looking up at the girl "He really cares about you" at her words Maggie looked up towards her with tears in her eyes.

"He'll bring your father back" Sarah said "I promise you that" Maggie nodded her head, with a little smile, that Sarah tried to mimic.

"How's Nicki?" Maggie asked after some moments of silence.

"She is sad and she feels responsible for what happened to Sophia" she said before chuckling bitterly "She had always been too responsible for her age."

"How so?" Maggie asked, making Sarah smile.

"Once I had to go to a party" Sarah said "I was really excited because there was this guy that I liked and I lost track of time so I didn't get back home when I was supposed to" Maggie chuckled at that "And Nicolette got so worried that she started texted me. 'When are you getting back?', 'Are you alright?', 'Should I tell dad to come and get you?'" Sarah laughed "But I saw the texts only when I got back home, and she was there with her Simpson's pyjama, crossed arms and an angry expression. Lecturing me about not answering my phone."

"Lecturing?" Maggie asked and Sarah nodded.

"I wish nothing of this never happened" Sarah said drying some more tears "She should still be that girl, with the Simpson's pyjama, not going around shooting arrows and feel to be blamed for what happened to a girl that she tried to help" she took a frustrated breath "And I only wish I could help her, but how?" suddenly Maggie took her hand squeezing it, making Sarah look towards her.

"These little sisters" Maggie said bitterly "Always makes us worried."

Sarah let some tears fell down on her cheeks, squeezing Maggie's hand back "Yeah, these little sisters."