Chapter 3

Rose hurried her horse along. She needed to get to the fence as soon as possible, and she needed an excuse to stay alone with her Stevie. Her Stevie, that's what she started calling Stevie in her thoughts when the dream first resurfaced. It was way easier to think of her that way than also think, my mom or is it aunt or kind of both. She did not think Alex and Tess would need much encouragement to leave, but she wanted to be sure they would.

Back at the house, Kate cooked. She cooked her Nona's lasagne. Everyone would love that.

As for dessert, she prepared some Mousse au chocolate. If Stevie or Rose needed some comfort, chocolate should do the trick. She had sent Jodi on a supply run since she hoped to prepare food for some more days and freeze it if the talk between Stevie and Rose left either one or both of them heartbroken.

Finally, Rose arrived at the fence line. Alex was nowhere in sight. She saw Stevie and Tess talking and was about to leave again. Knowing she needed her Stevie, yet fearing Stevie didn't want her... Didn't want her to learn the truth... Didn't want her then. Maybe wouldn't want her now. The doubts in her mind were nearly too much to handle.

Little did she know that Stevie had doubts of her own, which were very similar to those she was facing. But Stevie would also be appalled, knowing her daughter doubted that she loved her, that she wanted her, that giving her up was the hardest thing she ever did.

Alex stayed in the background since he didn't want to disturb Tess and Stevie, but the moment Rose was about to turn back, to turn around instead of talking to Stevie he called out to her. Rose, don't do this. Don't walk away now. I've got no idea if what I think happened actually happened, but I know running away isn't going to fix it.

What do you know about it? Has everyone gossiped about me?

After the strain of her doubts and thoughts running wild in her mind over the last few days, Rose snapped. Does everyone know except me? Did she tell everyone but not me?

Alex was quiet for a minute. Then he answered. Kate called me, but she talked in riddles, and your mom didn't tell me about you. That was her ex-husband.

So it is true. Stevie is my mom. I wasn't dreaming? She told me while I was sleeping maybe she didn't dare to say it out loud while I was awake? Or did she want to tell me when she was talking about similarities, about how people often compare me to her, yet seldom to Michelle? But why did you tell me? Did she put you up to that? Can't she say it to my face?

Can't she tell me herself? I don't care that she tried to tell me, while I was awake, she didn't. By now Rose was ranting, shouting, Alex wondered why she hadn't started to run yet. She was so much like Stevie. No wonder everyone compared her to her mother.

Slow down, alright. I know a thing or two about being disappointed by your parents. Especially, by your mother. Mine lied to me for thirty years. So I get you. I'm sorry I told you. From what you were saying I thought she had already done that and you were trying to get back to her, maybe apologize for your reaction, apologize for pulling away, due to feeling betrayed. For not listening. I don't know. I just wanted to make sure to talk to Stevie again. I thought you knew.

Rose didn't want anyone else to give her advice, even if Alex had already been in the same position. I know I need to talk to her. I know I need to talk to mom. Mom, not aunt Stevie. Not even her own creation "her Stevie" was what she automatically used.

But so do you.

Why? Alex was confused. Why should I talk to her right now? Rose answered rather abruptly: First of all, you've got beer, which mom might need. Secondly, you need to confess what you told me. And thirdly you need to tell her how you really feel about her.

Don't you think you are more important to her right now?

I am more important to her. But honestly, I need you to tell her. I need the truth to be the thing that guides us as a family.

Sorry, what? Both Alex and Stevie said at the same time.

How much did you hear, mom Rose asked, knowing her priority needed to be her mother, at least for now. But Stevie couldn't answer. She just couldn't. She leapt forward and locked Rose in a tight embrace. I can't believe it. I can't. I imagined this day so often, but I just can't believe that this day is here. That you know the truth. She murmured rather quietly. How do you know the truth anyway? Alex wanted to give mother and daughter some privacy and tried leaving. Yet, Rose stopped him. No, you don't. It's time to confess, Alex. Talk to, mom. You're cheeky. Someone has to keep you in line, and seeing as Claire can't do it anymore and mom is otherwise occupied right now, I'll step in gladly. Tell mom, now.

But you explain the comment with the family, retorted Alex. Honestly, Stevie isn't the only one wanting an answer to that one either. I won't tell her now. She needs a few minutes, and maybe I shouldn't have brought just beer but lemonade as well. Because the conversation topics we're facing, are the ones where I usually need a lot of it and your mom usually avoids them. At least I've got my Harley!

Stevie still clung to Rose mumbling Rose's name over and over. Rose held her mom. But she wanted to hear at least one story of her mom and Alex together. What is it with the Harley? Why do you think you might need it? When Claire got mad, angry or sad we would drink a beer and it would be ok. When your mom got any of the above or started having doubts on the circuit, not that she would let many see them, Claire took her riding and sometimes when that didn't help, and I had my Harley close by, I would take her out for a tour. Alex explained. By now, Stevie had finally relinquished her hold of Rose. Or at least she wasn't holding as tightly. The best thing was that Stevie seemed to comprehend that it wasn't a dream. So she started sobbing apologies. Rose tried to calm her down.

But it was Tess who got her to snap out of it. She had stayed behind finally fixing the fence since Stevie had needed a listening ear before. Now she was on her way to the main house when she stumbled over the group. Slowing Oskar down, she called out in her best Claire imitation: You sook, Hall. Snap out of it!

That got Stevie's attention, alright. When Stevie looked up, she expected to see the ghost of her best friend, who had been four feet under for nearly a year. Instead, she saw Tess riding away, looking so much like Claire it was uncanny. Tess called out to her again, saying You need to talk to Rose and apparently Alex too, now.

So Stevie composed herself, giving Alex and Rose her stare, which said more than a thousand words. Before barking out: Talk now.

Rose started by asking how much Stevie had heard from her conversation with Alex.

I heard something about becoming family, and I gathered that someone told you my secret, which wasn't as guarded as it would have been just a few months ago. So why don't you just tell me the story, Rosie? What story, mom? Something seemed different about her mom. She used her childhood nickname only Stevie was ever allowed to use, and not even she had used it in at least several years. It felt like her mom saw the small girl she had given away instead of the preteen her daughter had become in the decade since then.

Mom, maybe we should go somewhere else. You've been out here all day. I'm sure a break inside would do you good, mom. Come on. Do you have Banjo close by, or do you want to ride with me on my horse?

No, when Kate came out with me, we took the ute. She took it back with her. Okay. Next question, do you wanna ride with me or do you wanna ride the Harley with Alex? I have an idea. Why don't we ride together and Alex drives slowly next to us to Drovers?

So that's what they did.

While Alex thought he might feel out of place between the mother-daughter duo, both of them made sure to include him. Sometimes just by telling a story. Plus Rose loved teasing both Alex and Stevie about each other. She had heard about Claire and Alex and hoped he would open his heart again. She even could remember Claire. When she was five or six, and her mom was riding the circuit but sometimes came to visit. Once or twice she brought her friends as well. Claire was really nice, and she actually was the one who promised her if there was ever a time she needed Claire's help she could come to Drovers. That was a long time ago. But Rose remembered. Plus she knew Stevie lived there now. That's why she came in the first place. Both due to the promise Claire had given her and because her mom actually now lived on Drovers. Did Claire know the truth? Was that the reason she prepared a refuge for Rose? Those questions came to Rose at once. So she asked: Mom, can we do it differently. Can you bring me to Claire for a few minutes, take the Harley to Drovers and come back to Claire's final resting place to pick me up? I won't need long. But I guess I need a few minutes with auntie Claire.

Stevie stared at her daughter and her mouth fell open. Close your mouth, mom or flies may get in, Rose teased. It's been a long time since you've last called her that, Stevie commented, tears streaming down her face. Do you remember how you called, Alex Stevie asked. Alex, who didn't remember ever meeting Rose, was staring at Rose now. She, she's met me before, he stuttered. Don't you remember Rosie's sixth birthday? I was invited of course. Michelle never forbade me to see her. It was nice to see her, but it hurt. There had been a rodeo the day before close by. It actually was on that day, too, but I didn't participate. Seeing Rose, celebrating her birthday was more important. We won her plush horse. I'm not sure if you were participating in the circuit on the day of the party. All three of us went to Michelle's place for the party. You left early, and Claire, not wanting me to be alone or sleep in the back of my ute, took me to Drovers. Jack was angry, but Claire told him that I needed help, that I was her friend and I would stay the night. It was that day I met Jack McLeod.

Mom, thanks for the story. But may I go visit aunty Claire, please?

We will talk, mom, I promise, but please let me visit aunty Claire's grave, now. And you need to get back to the house and tell Kate to stop cooking up a storm. Plus you need to talk to each other. Stevie and Alex both gave her a look, meaning What about?

About things left unsaid, yet felt. Please just talk to each other and be honest, Rose answered cheekily.

So Stevie took over the reins for a few minutes, guiding the horse to the McLeod graveyard. Alex realized he needed a minute to get over the shock of actually knowing Rose before she came to Drovers and told them he would meet them at the graveyard. Plus, Alex couldn't tell whether or not he could deal with seeing Claire's grave. He hadn't been there since her funeral. And Roses words had an effect on him. He liked Stevie a lot. He wasn't sure if he loved her yet. Plus, she was in a relationship with that Kane bloke. But every time he's seen Kane with Stevie he felt terribly jealous. Did he really love her? Was he over Claire, and she was just an excuse not to do something about his feelings for Stevie? Could Rose see the truth, neither one of them had yet realized in their eyes?

He didn't know, but he might have to talk to Stevie about his thoughts.