Aunt Stevie, my mother?
Chapter 9
Hours later, Stevie still needed to stay in the hospital. As the morning had turned into late afternoon Stevie wanted Rose and Alex to stay with her again. Rose quickly vetoed that.
"Mom, I love you, but I will stay with aunty Tess on Drovers' tonight.
It is no permanent solution that I stay here in a folded bed, and Alex stays with you in your bed.
Do not even try denying it.
As if you'd let Alex sleep in a chair next to your bed. I know you will be fine, and you can call me. You trust aunty Tess, don't you? She took care of Charlotte for aunty Claire, didn't she?"
"It's different." " Is it really that different, mom?" You forget that I'll be at home waiting. And hopefully, tomorrow you can leave. We all will visit Grandpa Harry, anyway. So there's no harm done if I sleep at Tess' place. And yes, I won't sleep in the Cottage nor the shearer's quarters. I'll sleep at the big house. And yes, I will ask Meg about Jodi. You don't even have to tell me: I got from overheard conversations and remarks that grandpa has made that you all suspected she is my aunt. Hopefully, Meg will answer me. I hate the concept of carefully constructed lies that seem to rank around Drover's Run. It feels as if the lies were part of Drover's, but I think we need to break that habit: The habit of lies, untruths, half-truths and omission. We are called: to shine our light, but if we are chained by the lies we used to tell, how can we do that? How can we be light when we are so much like those we want to be different from that we barely are different."
"Rose, stop. I don't need any more convincing. You've made your point, and it's sound logic. I'll miss you, Rosie. But I get it. Thanks for promising to try convincing Meg that Jodi deserves the truth. Hopefully, she sees it if you tell her. Nobody else could make her see that telling the truth would be the best solution. We all suspect she's a McLeod since Jodi's mannerism is a mix between Tess and Claire. Plus, she looks like a mix between Tess and me."
After a short pause, Stevie continued.
" Be good to aunty Tess, none of your attitudes, please. And call me! I'll miss you, my darling Rose."
Tess and Nick were ready to leave.
"Bye, mom, sleep well." Rose came over to Stevie, hugging her and giving her mother a kiss on the cheek. Be careful and take care of both BOM and yourself." Turning to Alex, she added, " Take care of them and please talk to each other. And I mean really talk, like deep conversation talk. You need to. And don't forget that you love each other. Whatever hurt you have caused each other, don't forget that. Never forget that."
"My Rosie, I know you are thirteen going on thirty. But don't you worry, we won't forget. We know all of that. And if we need a reminder, I know you will remind us. You always reminded me so much, and often it gave me strength. Not that you remember. But that's how it was
You reminded both your grandpas: Jack and Harry, of a thing or two. You're extraordinaire, Rosie. You're full of surprises, full of joy, full of potential, and I hope I see you do extraordinary things one day.
You astonish me daily. And I'm very thankful to be able to call you my daughter."
"Mom, stop it. You are the extraordinary one, living the life you've already lived, overcoming the obstacles you've faced, yet always hopeful. Don't let go of that. And remember, I'll be safe, I'll be home. Don't worry."
Tess started chuckling and asked: "May we depart now?" Everyone knew it was a rhetorical question, so after a final goodbye, Nick, Tess and Rose left for Drover's Run and Wilgul.
Meanwhile, at the hospital:
Stevie and Alex finally had some much-needed time to converse. They could finally talk without being overheard or interrupted since Rose had the foresight to explain to the nurses that her mother and her Alex needed to have at least one uninterrupted, serious conversation in the next 24 hours.
So they talked. First, Stevie and Alex spoke about everyday life. Then about their dreams, their hopes and longing. During the long hours of their talk, they even broached the matter of their past.
The next day arrived.
When the morning visiting hours came, Rose was surprised.
After yesterday's happenings and her mother's reluctance to let her go, she had anticipated Stevie to wait impatiently for her visit while Alex tried to calm her down. Instead, she found both Alex and Stevie sleeping peacefully, arm in arm.
Tess, entering the room behind Rose, was glad that the young girl had listened to Tess' advice and her
foresight to bring a book.
Therefore, Rose asked the nurses whether or not she could visit Harry and wrote her mother and Alex a note that she intended to read to Harry for a while.
Meanwhile, Tess, knowing that it could take some time, decided to do something about the thing in need of being done on Drovers Run and Killarney. So she called Rhoda to get a list of groceries for Killarney. She also asked Rhonda to tell her if Killarney needed any farm equipment or feed for the farm animals.
Rhonda told Tess that the younger woman would need to ask the men in the barn about the feed since she hadn't had the slightest clue.
Next, she called Meg, telling her she was getting groceries and that she needed to know what they needed. Their conversation was very frosty! Tess, like Jodi, was very put out with Meg after Rose broke through Meg's defences the evening before, and Meg confessed that Jack might be Jodi's father but that she wasn't sure.
There was only one reason Tess hadn't insisted on Jodi coming with her to the hospital to do an altered paternity test was that Jodi had begged off for now. Jodi claimed to need some time to adjust to the possibility of having not only one but two living and two dead siblings.
She needed to give Jodi time.
Both blonde women knew that hard truths were just that: hard.
She had seen Alex react to the news that Harry wasn't his father.
Yet another lie the generation of their parents had spun.
During her time back on Drover's Run, Tess had seen much. Meanwhile, she learned even more. Yet the longer Tess abode on Drovers, the more the blonde woman realized how the generation before them had spun a net of lies and half-truths. While she wasn't sure that Claire's decision about Peter knowing of Charlotte had been right then. Now, she was pleased Claire hadn't added to the spun lies, placing another generation in its net. Pulling the strings of lies out was less complicated if there was one layer less to pull out.
While Tess took care of the groceries and thought about her heritage: especially the heritage the last generation added to Killarney and Drovers, Rose read to Harry. She read from a novel she found in the attic of Drovers. She didn't know that the story might shed more light on Drover's and Killarney's history.
They were all called back to their land. The land was their place to be, to serve.
Rose read, what she thought was a novel, but instead, it was something else. Not that Rose knew what really stood behind the story she read to Harry. But when Tess entered two hours later, Rose was still captured by the plotline. When Tess entered the room, because she didn't get an answer, Rose was amazed over that heroic woman who built Drovers' Run. That woman was as fiercely independent as both Claire and Stevie. A woman who never married. Instead, she took care of the ranch together with her brother. The woman learned early on that there will be hard times, but family stood together, and that you might have to fight to be respected, but that your worth was not dependent on the things others said to or about you.
The stories in this novel taught Rose a lot, yet she was captivated by them, an ideal situation.
Or though you might think. Because right now, Stevie was frantic in the other room, worrying why Rose and Tess hadn't turned up yet. In her frantic worrying, Stevie simply overlooked the note Rose had written. She just didn't see it. Frantically, Stevie tried calling Tess. But Tess, in light of visiting Harry and Stevie in the hospital, had turned off her cell.
After a bit, Stevie didn't know how to soothe herself anymore. She yelled for the nurse, who told her about Rose's note.
The nurse was thoughtful enough to contact the nurses on Harry's station and ask them to send Rose over.
Rose, having read to Harry for what felt like ages, even though she enjoyed it, was glad her mom was finally awake. She loved her grandpa Harry, but she worried about her mother, still. The story was the only thing that could hold her attention. Harry had tried to talk to her, to get to know his 'adopted' granddaughter. Yet, he struggled. He couldn't hold her attention. Rose just worried too much about Stevie and BOM.
So he, too, was relieved when the nurse told the two of them that Stevie and Alex were awake.
When Rose eventually arrived, she brought a surprise. As Harry was feeling better, the doctors had determined that he could move more or less freely within the hospital.
Alex conveyed his surprise at his father's fast-improving health over his face. Rose might not realize it, though Stevie saw it. Alex's face had been radiant all day, yet at the same time, it was marred due to worry lines over Harry. And with Harry's appearance, they'd vanished. The family would be okay. Maybe that was all that mattered.
Forthwith the family formed a circle around each other, just enjoying the company of the others. Tess, who had just arrived and wanted to leave directly, was stopped by one of Stevie's looks, telling her that she was family and family stood together. Thereupon she joined the circle around Harry. For a few minutes, they simply stood together, enjoying the company of the family. Especially for Rose and Stevie, it was healing. Yet, this isn't the end. How could it? There always seems to be
something going on in the bush. Jody tried coming to terms with the revelations of the day before and went to Claire's and Jack's graves. Asking herself if she truly belonged to the land, to the family. With all the revelations, with her dreams of going to the city, she thought it might be a better idea to just leave, to just leave Drover's Run and the possibilities of what ifs and what nows.
Jody, having given Rose advice just days before, was so hurt that she just wanted to run.
A while back, Stevie would have reacted the same way. However, Jody didn't acknowledge the similarity between her and Stevie in that respect. Neither did she acknowledge that she had given Rose the opposite advice just days before. Not that Jody could see it. Instead, she composed a letter:
Dear Stevie, dear Alex, dear Tess, dear Rose,
I know you guys count me as family. Since yesterday's revelations, I'm just not sure I can stay on the land for now., so I'm leaving. I'm leaving the past here on Drovers behind, leaving a potential family behind, but I feel like I have to find myself, yet again. Tess, do you remember my trip to Europe after graduation? I felt like I needed to go then, and it feels like that again. Maybe I have to find out who I am apart from my heritage, apart from who I thought I was. I was Jack's princess all of my life. But how could he care for me while ignoring that his second eldest was living in her ute? How could he not seek contact with Tess?
I know of the letters, but if he found Rose at Michelle's place without being given the address, how could he not try for Tess? I need space from mom and my memories of a man who behaved like the perfect father for me. Yet didn't seem to have cared for his three eldest kids. Because, like it or not, in many ways, Claire envied me because I could stay who I was to get Jack's attention while she needed to harden her heart. There are many things, growing up on the land. And I know deep in my heart that it will always be home. Still, I need to leave for a time. I need to sort my thoughts and start sorting through my feelings.
As a teenager, I might have liked the drama. But today, I'm just exhausted. Exhausted and desperate due to the lies that rank around the land we call our home.
Ask Tess if you don't believe me, Rose. You are way more mature than I was at five years older than you are now. Never lose that maturity even when you grow older. Stay the wise young lady you are. Stay the glue that holds us that pulls us together again and again. Enjoy being a responsible elder sister! Whether I really am a McLeod or not, I always had a responsible elder sister to guide me. First I had Claire then Stevie. Sorry, Tess, you just couldn't guide me on the land I grew up there. It was the other way around more often than not in the beginning.
I knew about the stuff, you were clueless about. Stevie learned the hard way on the circuit.
In my mind, she could teach me. From Stevie, I accepted teaching.
I'm sorry, Tess. I should have seen all the things you could teach me. Instead, I was so far in my thoughts and dreams that I couldn't see what you could have taught me.
I'm sorry it has to end this way for now. But I couldn't bare to get a result of the tests as of yet. Neither result could be something I want to know. Maybe I'm just frightened that it might be a dream, a fantasy, really to be a McLeod.
I couldn't bare to think about the possibility. I wil miss all of you and my heart will always guide me home when I'm ready, it will guide me back to Drovers, back to the land. Back home to you, to my family.
Love Jody.