Chapter XXXVI

I Promised You, Naruto

TW: Self-Harm

Naruto left my back once outside. Of course, I had to stop him from glancing behind him so as not to let fear devour him like a destructive demon. As usual, the sapphire-eyed boy clung tightly to me. Fortunately, I noticed that he's less and less nervous, almost forgetting the presence of others; I cracked a smile of relief. Except his tail incapable to stay put, we get home safely.

Twilight is still far from pointing the tip of its nose and since I intend to break the cycle of sleep deeply anchored in his body, I will have to keep him awake until the night rocks all Konohagakure with its darkness… The task proves difficult as he starts yawning once inside; his heavy eyelids try to close, not to mention that he nods incessantly. Being in a familiar place where the teenager feels safe must make him release the pressure … but that doesn't help my plans at all.

Naruto hurries to get rid of the dark cape and his sandals before going to my room to sleep. I hold him back by grabbing his arm, preventing him from continuing on his way. He turns around and observes me with confusion; even his expressive tail lacks spirit and seems half asleep to me.

"I know what you're gonna do and it's no," I say sternly.

The blond frowns before making useless reels with his ebony tail. He tries to slip his hand out of mine and in response, I tighten my grip. At arm's length, I force him to approach me in order to catch his other arm. I don't like to be abrupt, but I have to be firm with him to have any chance of breaking his nocturnal rhythm. Also, he mustn't start believing that he can do whatever he wants and override my authority given that I gave in to his latest whim.

"I said no, Naruto," I dryly repeat as he tries to free himself from my grasp.

Luckily, his fatigue helps me keep the upper hand on him.

"You'll go to bed when I decide. My words are law and you'll have to follow them whether you like it or not. Got it?"

Saying so, I pull him up at arm's length, forcing him to balance on the tips of his toes. In doing so, I drastically reduce his field of action and therefore his strength to resist me. I notice Naruto's tail trying to wrap around my wrists. The disgruntled boy's numb spirit makes his every move weary, and thus allowing me to easily grab his tail by releasing one of his arms. He gasps in surprise. Not giving him time to react, I let go of his other arm to take the prehensile limb with both hands, tightening my grip. When I exert pressure by pulling, Naruto lets out a small inaudible moan before getting on all fours and coming to a complete stop, shaking, his head hanging down.

I therefore confirm one of my suspicions.

His too sensitive tail is a weak point. I don't know how he would react in a real fight if it were to be grabbed. In a way, I'm hoping I'm wrong, wishing this scheme only works with me. Otherwise, it makes him too vulnerable. Of course, I can't be sure, but for now, that works in my favour. I have to be careful; this kind of thing is a means of last resort since he might start to fear me … or worse that he interprets my actions as lustful advances like the other day…

After a time that I deem acceptable, I release him. I then squat down to get to Naruto's level. The jolts leave him fairly quickly, and he raises his head to look at me for a breath before avoiding me. His overheated cheekbones betray his obvious embarrassment. To my misfortune, I note with horror that he reacts similarly to the last time and that touching his tail has bothered him more than anything else. I sincerely hope that this doesn't awaken cravings in him and that these cravings come to include me in the equation.

Catching his tail is effective…

But the risk isn't worth it.

Especially if it excites him more than anything else.

In order not to falsify my chaste intentions, I remain unmoved by hoping that the thought of Naruto doesn't go in the wrong direction…

I miss a heartbeat as he sits, all scarlet, and tries to offer his tail to me again; he's slowly, dangerously and shyly bringing it closer to me. His intentions crystal clear, I jump up to take his arms and force him to stand. Naruto seems much more alert to me all of a sudden and what he's thinking about doesn't delight me at all; I don't really want to know what exactly either.

Confused, the blond watches me, blinking as I feel my love organ go into panic. Once again, despite the blush in my face, I hardly ignore this awkward moment and act as if nothing had happened.

"Do you understand, Naruto? You will go to bed only when I allow you to and don't try complaining about it, my decision is irrevocable," I explain, crossing my arms.

The teenager frowns, emitting a hiss while sulking; I am relieved to see him dissatisfied and not titillated by my fault.

"If you don't fall asleep, I'll give you my chakra before we go to bed, as much as you want, that's fine with you?"

My words are immediate. Naruto lets go of his sulky pout to show me a smile. Needless to say, I don't like my own proposal at all, but if it can motivate him to stay awake, I'm willing to take the risk. Plus, I'll have to make sure that Naruto doesn't give in to gluttony either to poison me more than necessary.

The question settled, I now have to tackle the hardest part: keeping his mind busy long enough for him to go to bed at least by nightfall. I ask Naruto to take a shower first—which he accepts without hesitation, although I have to run the water for him since he refuses to do so on his own. Of course, I implied that he could take all the time he wanted. This time, I left the door ajar; the blond hardly reacted more than that.

The sapphire-eyed boy busy, I cook myself a nice meal. For a long time, I've been starving and my appetite has been obsessing me since I woke up in the hospital. For my pleasure, I accompany everything with an eggplant miso. Anticipating, I prepare two green teas, one of which I will offer to Naruto once he has finished his task; of course, I will pour the water into his later.

While rushing to fill my empty stomach which grumbles a little, I work my brains to find something likely to occupy the mind of my student until bedtime. Since he knows how to read and the shower will have refreshed him, I will give him one of my old books that have not aroused my interest for a while. Knowing the old Naruto, I would opt for something else, but this Naruto can surprise me… I will only be able to know it when I give him the book in question.

I'm almost done that I hear the water cut off; I see that he did indeed take his time, good. I feel like showering too not only to wash myself, but also to get rid of this veil of static electricity that refuses to leave me. However, the risk that Naruto falls asleep during my short absence becomes a forbidden. A beast remaining a beast following his instinct above all, he will end up giving in despite his good will. Moreover, the feral boy isn't tireless, especially with the seals which limit his reserves of chakra; still happy that his particular genes grant him a greater quantity to compensate for this. I don't know if his devourer condition changes anything, but I wouldn't be surprised if it did.

I hurry to finish by swallowing the last bites before pulling up my mask. Naruto doesn't take long to stagger out, indicating that the fatigue is back and tries to push him fiercely into Morpheus's arms. He's still a bit too wet for my liking, but he continues to improve each time. He also changed since I had left him spare clothes… However, one detail catches my dark eye.

Instead of wearing his headband on his forehead, Naruto tied it around his neck, which is unusual. Anxiety makes its way through my brain circuits and it forces me to examine him. Naruto confirms my doubts when he flinches and backs up to keep distance.

Back to the wall, I finally reach the teenager who fiercely avoids any retinal contact by standing still, including his breath that has stopped. By pushing back the forehead protector, I see bright red scratches that mark his throat in several places and one of them is very deep; it's still bleeding although it's benign. No need to specify the cause of these wounds…

"Did you do this to yourself, Naruto?" I futilely ask, plunging my black iris into my student's fleeing blue ones.

More than ever mute as a grave, Naruto tries to make himself very small. Since he has a tendency to want to hurt himself in that particular place during emotional distress, I wonder if he had a meltdown during his shower. However, I didn't hear the slightest sound, the slightest moan, the slightest lightning… Is it because he didn't want to worry me? If he tried to hide his signs of suffering from me, it's plausible.

Taking into account the regenerative abilities of the chakra devourers, he will heal quite quickly, especially after feeding on my chakra; if not tonight, his injuries will likely heal tomorrow. His self-destructive temper makes me anxious. This further confirms the horrors the blond had experienced during his sequestration. I let out a sigh, but I also breathe so as not to let the anger take hold of me.

"Sit down. I'll treat your wounds," I tell him, removing his shinobi headband.

While I look for my first aid kit, Naruto settled on one of the chairs. By translating the language of his body, he's ashamed, very much.

"It's okay. I'm not angry," I reassure him by applying an ointment that makes him wince in pain. "I don't like you hurting yourself like that, Naruto. If you're going through pain, I prefer that you come to see me than hiding away."

The cuts disinfected and treated, I look to bandage his neck … but in response, the teenager arches his back and pushes me back in a paradox of harshness and gentleness. His gesture takes me by surprise and I freeze for a breath. I can read the anguish in his eyes; at that, a drop of sweat beads on his forehead. Naruto curls up on himself like a turtle before putting his arms in front of his neck, crossing them.

He lets me know of his categorical refusal to cover his scratches.

Although perplexed, I don't insist further so as not to plunge him back into terrible pain, especially since his psyche is weakened by this recent meltdown. The wounds aren't very serious and they will quickly heal, thanks to his particular genes. I don't know what caused this sudden reaction… But for the moment, I'm not trying to find out; I'll look into that later.

I put everything away and Naruto ceases to protect himself; much more relaxed, he still fiercely avoids my gaze. Not to let him sink, I sketch a smile while ruffling his spiky hair.

"I'm done. You'll recover pretty quickly."

Naruto smiles shyly back at me, but the pain doesn't leave his darkened eyes. To change his mind, I offer him the green tea. After inhaling its aroma, he seizes it to bring it to his lips. Unlike the black tea, his face shows an interest in it. His attention overwhelmed by the drink, I find him a book that might interest him. When I return, the blond finishes tying his headband around his neck; I guess hiding himself this way reassures him, so I'm not commenting.

I wait for him to lay his eyes on me to hand him the book, which catches his curious gaze.

"Why don't you pass the time by reading?"

Naruto arches an eyebrow as his black tail sways uselessly. He doesn't seem convinced to me. I guess he thinks it must be similar to the last rulebook he read; it's the only explanation that comes to my mind to see him so reluctant so quickly.

"This one has absolutely nothing to do with Shikamaru's," I say, stirring the book for him to take it. "It's a story where we follow the adventures of a shinobi. You should like it."

The teenager decides to grab it, not without letting out a yawn by opening his mouth wide; this allows me to better observe these fangs and see their bewildering length which pierces my flesh every night from full length, thus making me bead a cold sweat on my temple. I wonder if they're causing discomfort or if his mouth has adjusted to their presence. At first glance, they seem excruciatingly uncomfortable to me. Unless I put my fingers in his oral cavity to inspect it thoroughly, I won't be able to know; not to mention that the desire to do so is stubbornly absent.

Naruto leafs through the book from right to left with his tired little eyes. As for me, I settle in the next chair to read the Make Out Paradise in the hope of inducing him to copy me. Naruto watches me for a long moment, but eventually puts the volume open on the table. A hand to his cheek to help support his head, he imitates me and gives the book a chance.

In the silence, we let reading takes hold of us… Hoping that this is also the case for my student.

Naruto reads slowly, but I won't be sorry; as long as he's busy, that's all I ask. However, I keep a close eye since his head is nodding at times. When he's about to fall asleep or his eyelids are closed a little too long, I call out his name, startling him. His concentration absent, I see him contemplating the void most of the time; as long as he stays awake, I don't care. I am determined to break his rhythm to force him to embark on mine even if it means causing him great fatigue. And fatigue only makes the feral boy more docile.

I notice that twilight has begun its advance. Unfortunately, Naruto has also reached his limits. Unexpectedly, his head suddenly drops to hit against the table causing a thud, tearing me a start. Saying his name, he doesn't react, forcing me to inquire about his condition more closely.

I shake him gently; he lets out a few incomprehensible and barely audible mumbles, but nothing more. I bring my hands to his face to lift him and look at him. His sleepy eyes and the drool that escapes his lips give him a relatively stupid look. Seeing him exhausted, soon close to fainting, I cannot insist any longer. I would have liked him to last a few more hours; I will have to content myself with a sleep at sunset.

It's a good start.

If, of course, the night doesn't keep him awake, that said.

"Come with me, Naruto. I'll give you my chakra."

The teenager gazes at me with difficulty, but I feel that he has understood me. Glancing briefly at the book in front of him, he only read about twenty pages. I remove my hands and wait for him to land on his two feet. Naruto rubs his eyes roughly before wiping the saliva from his chin. Then he slaps both cheeks to clear his foggy mind. Standing, he holds on with difficulty on his legs although they don't waver.

In silence, I point at the bedroom before going there to settle on the bed; with a listening ear, Naruto is on my heels. Mentally preparing myself for this inevitable torture, I notice the reluctance in his blue eyes—rather, he avoids looking at me by hugging himself. Surprised, but not surprised, the blond is afraid to take my chakra and doesn't trust himself. However, his expression screams starvation. His anxieties drive away the desire to sleep little by little. I can't let things drag on for fear he'll give up sleeping as night falls.

"It's going to be alright, Naruto," I reassure him, holding out my arm. "I'll feel it if you poison me too much and I'll stop you, okay?"

My student is still hesitating; at that, a cold sweat breaks out on his temple.

"When I told you that you were stronger than this hunger, I meant it, Naruto," I continue, smiling. "If you can't trust yourself, trust me. When you bite me, focus with all your might on something positive so you don't think about pouring too much of your venom. Take a deep breath and do it."

As requested, Naruto inhales deeply for a long time, clenching his fists; besides the tremors that gradually possess him, he's determined to succeed. He gets down on his knees before gently taking my arm. He breathes a second time with as much intensity; I can feel his frantic heartbeat pounding in his hands. His irises shining in the dark illuminate his anguished face.

As always, I stiffen in spite of myself when he sinks his fangs into my skin. I ignore the sharp pain in my bruised chakra vein from this unwanted intrusion to focus on the burning sensation of his venom, in order to be ready to intervene. I start to gasp more and more as he devours my lightning essence. My strength is leaving me, but it's not engendered by falling asleep. At first glance, the teenager is able to feed without injecting his toxin…

However, his hands clench roughly on my arm, crushing it, causing me to wince. That familiar burning pain begins to flow through my flesh, through my body, and the flow continues to increase. With the intensity of his palms clinging tightly to my forearm, it's useless to say that Naruto has given in to his demons and is poisoning me with his venom.

Aware that he won't stop on his own and fearing that he won't be able to hear the sound of my voice, I roughly grab his static-charged golden mane to pull his head back to make him let go of me. In doing so, I forcibly withdraw his canines which deeply tear my flesh and skin, thus tearing me a complaint of sharp pain.

The carnage has marked my skin with long, hollow, bleeding cuts that numb my jerking limb; thanks to his substance, the bleeding isn't alarming and stops quickly while the severity of the gashes demonstrates the opposite. His curved fangs are made to anchor themselves in the flesh to prevent their prey from escaping, not without inflicting terrible agonizing wounds. It seems that I caused myself deep damage similar to his first bite, but way worse; I'm in too much pain not to be the case…

I try to regain control over my raging breath. I feel the fatigue possessing me; I fear that I haven't intervened quickly enough… I will only be able to know when I wake up tomorrow, although the desire to sleep isn't as tenacious as the last times; I don't lose hope. As for Naruto, he's completely petrified, to the point that he doesn't close his mouth. I notice a transparent, yellowish, viscous substance beading from his prominent, hemoglobin-stained fangs, demonstrating that the teenager would have continued to inject his terrible sleep poison.

Horrified, his luminous eyes, bitten with worry and anguish, stare at the gaping wounds on my arm. After a brief moment, Naruto's breath quickly hyperventilates, beads of sweat dampening his blond locks. Without realizing it, he compresses my limb with his palms in a painful vice that causes tingling due to the lack of blood circulation, without forgetting that he accentuates the twinges in my whole arm embraced by pain.

A panic attack seizes his whole being.

Mechanically, I try to pull away, but his grip is too strong.

"Naruto!" I yell, trying to peer into his blind, twinkling eyes.

Since he has emancipated himself from his sense of sight, I am unable to connect myself to him. Nevertheless, I persist in making contact by releasing his hair to take his face by grabbing him by the chin. I pinch his cheeks at the same time to force him to look back at me.

"Naruto! Calm down! Pull yourself together!" I cry again, ignoring the excruciating pain. "I'm fine! Calm down!"

Subconsciously, my butchered and burning arm pushes me to squeeze his face tighter as I bring him closer to mine. Coming to meet him too, I continue my advance until I can press my forehead against his, causing him to gasp. This physical contact is enough to calm his breathing in full crisis and extinguish the glow in his irises which stop shining like fireflies.

"I'm here, Naruto," I whisper softly, closing my eyelid. "Even if it's against yourself, I promised to protect you and I will keep my word."

A suspended time, a peaceful silence and hearts in unison.

Slowly, Naruto's erratic breathing dies out. The teenager finally deigns to let go of my tortured forearm as I free his face. My student isn't crying, but tears are stuck in his moist eye sockets. He's in shock, that is understood.

"Don't worry about me, I'm alright," I reassure him, running a hand through his golden mane. "I have to treat my wounds. Stay here, I'll be back."

I go to the kitchen, where I left my first aid box. I can't forget the excruciating pain that pulses devastating electrical currents through my entire being. Out of Naruto's reach, I let out many silent whimpers as I inspect more closely the damage to my shaking, battered forearm. My reddish skin is already turning purplish-blue and visibly swelling. It's hot to the touch, even charred with a blazing fire. The gashes are too deep and wide; I would bleed profusely without his toxin. I have no choice but to suture them…

Unable to leave Naruto alone to seek treatment, I content myself with the good old method. I disinfect everything with agony. Then, equipped with a needle and a thread, I set about closing the problematic cuts; I'm in so much pain that I don't feel any sensation, although my trembling limbs don't make it any easier for me. I whine softly between gritted teeth. I finish by bandaging my arm before ingesting a painkiller, begging for it to take effect quickly.

I'll sleep very badly tonight if the pain doesn't subside … if I don't get knocked out by Naruto's venom, though.

I return to the room, ignoring the nagging pain so as not to worry my student. Naruto hasn't moved since I've been gone. He just rested his arms and head on the edge of the bed. He turns his head. While I show him a jovial face, his face remains impassive, but still gives me a brief smile, although sad.

"Stop tormenting yourself about it, Naruto. I know you did your best, so stop thinking about it," I say, taking off my bulky shinobi accessories and clothes.

I let out a sigh despite myself. Knowing him, it's useless to prepare a place for him to sleep; he will end up joining my bunk no matter what; Naruto has gotten too used to sleep with me by enclosing me with all his unwanted limbs. My too small bed will force us to share an awkward closeness that I manage to tolerate over time. I don't enjoy this situation at all. I will have to endure this embarrassment not just when I wake up, but when I go to bed as well. If I want to break his nocturnal cycle, I have no choice, and besides … it may encourage him to imitate me instead of fighting against slumber as he did during his captivity.

I cram myself under the sheets, the closest to the wall to make space for him. Then I open my covers to invite the teenager to join me.

"Come to bed, Naruto."

My words take him by surprise as he opens his blue eyes wide, flabbergasted. After a breath, a timid and hesitant movement, he lies down beside me. He leans his head against my chest before enclosing my hip with his arm; at that, his ebony tail wraps gently around one of my legs. I can't stop my unstoppable heart from racing—something the blond notices as he presses his other hand to it. My personal space thus desecrated makes me uncomfortable and I have no choice but to let Naruto override my limits.

I hide us with the cover up to his shoulders. I can't see his face, but I feel that he has closed his eyes. His static-covered hair tickles my chin like the rest of my body clings to his. It takes a few minutes to get used to it and no longer be bothered by his frustrating veil of electricity.

Unconsciously, I don't try to fall asleep right away. I watch the teenager for a long time as his breaths take on an increasingly regular rhythm, presaging the beginning of the crossing on the rivers of dreams that reflect the stars carpeted on his watery mirror. In addition, the sharp pain in my arm enslaved to incessant spasms prevents me from being comfortable. These nightmarish sensations dispel any urge to close my eye. I can't focus on anything but this sensory hell that makes me feel as if I'm perpetually being chewed on with hundreds of sharp, acid-coated teeth.

Naruto's toxin finally comes into play.

Without realizing it, I close my eyelid.

Therefore, I sink into the land of dreams.