Chapter XLV

Embrace of Death

Before leaving, I asked Shikamaru to come by my home tomorrow morning, ideally with Sakura. Not understanding what I meant, I explained to him that I wanted to see how far Naruto's barriers to mankind had fallen. To do this, I must first observe his reaction in their company and perhaps take him out on the town with them. Since Shikamaru has access to all my reports, he's aware that Naruto agreed to give Sakura a chance. Getting what I'm trying to do, he nodded and then bid me a goodbye.

As always Naruto clung to my arm the whole way and for once I didn't have to remind him to hide his tail; at that, he seemed much less stressed than usual, although his fear persisted. Surprised, but not surprised, the sapphire-eyed boy hurriedly took off his cape and his sandals at home… However, he's now not doing anything else…

His deep blue irises fiercely avoid mine. He hides his hands behind his back as he swings himself back and forth. He wants to ask me something, but either he's too shy or he cannot. Since he was eager to get home to sleep, his behaviour puzzled me.

"What is it, Naruto?"

Nervously, he scans his gaze to the bedroom, then to me, and so on. Even his tail seems to point in that direction. Is Naruto asking my permission to sleep? In fact, it can only be that; despite his silence, his request is crystal clear.

"You can go to sleep, Naruto," I agree, ruffling his blond hair.

His ear-to-ear smile is so dazzling that it blinds me. As soon as I remove my hand, the teenager rushes into the bedroom. In the distance, I watch him jump on the bed; like a cat, he looks for the most comfortable place to roll himself up in a ball and then cover his body with the blanket. His ebony tail resting on the ground does a few reels and comes to a complete stop.

Mechanically, I enter the room to take a closer look at the blond. His breathing is already regular, and his face seems so peaceful to me. I almost want to let him sleep as much as he desires. However, to force him to follow my daytime cycle, I have to wake him up in the middle of the afternoon.

In the meantime, I stick to my routine, including soft training while respecting my limits. The traumas in my brutalized and abused chakra network are causing me some difficulty in moulding my chakra in these areas. Although it causes more discomfort than pain, I manage to mould my bluish essence … if I ignore the burning sensations spreading through my aching limbs in doing so, of course. Since Naruto engulfed all my chakra the day ago, I tire very quickly; in this state, I wouldn't last long in a fight.

I hope he stops eating this much chakra next time.

Honestly, I am begging…

I feel like my life is slowly getting shorter…

I checked that Naruto is sleeping soundly to get some fresh air. I'm not used to being locked up at home for days on end and I miss the outside world; no need to say that confinement is starting to affect my morale. In addition, the strong body odours of Naruto stink my apartment, not to mention the crushing heaviness which accentuates the humidity and makes the whole thing very uncomfortable. The burnt aromas give me vibes that a fire caused by the faulty electrical system will soon engulf the place. I don't know why, but his scent is different and so intense that it has anchored itself in my nostrils forever, unable to smell anything else. His scent, which the soap cannot camouflage, is no longer that of a human. I manage to bear it, that's all.

Aware that he's prone to nightmares, I lean against the outside guard, staying close to my door. The Make-Out Paradise in hand, I also focus on my hearing, on the lookout for the slightest movement or suspicious noise.

Unfortunately, my tranquility is short-lived as a familiar voice calls out to me. Looking up, I recognize that smouldering gaze that Guy always wears as he comes up to me, greeting me cheerfully. As for me, somewhat tired physically and mentally, I just nod and let him approach me.

"Kakashi! My dear rival, how have you been? It's been ages since I've seen you!"

"Given the circumstances, pretty good," I sigh, still reading my book.

His facial features worsen, taking on a serious look.

"Neji told me about what they found there," he says before leaning against the guard's ledge, crossing his arms. "Naruto, how is he?"

This brief mention of the chamber of horrors brings back images and emotions in me that I struggle to push away, so as not to let them corrupt me.

"He's fine for now, but he's very fragile. That's why he keeps clinging to his amnesia… I'm afraid he never wants to remember anything, to be honest."

A silence.

"Why don't you try training Naruto?"

His question takes me by surprise, forcing me to look back at him.

"Perhaps he'd be less fragile if he learned to defend himself again? After all, Naruto is still in the age of youth and like any future adult, he needs to run and move! And he remains a shinobi nonetheless, regardless of his new condition that has made him feral and fearful. I'm sure it could do him good."

Mechanically, I land my gloomy eye on the bandages camouflaging my wounds; I even caress one of them. It's true that since his return, Naruto has not reused techniques from his usual repertoire and has been content to attack by instinct, without any real strategy or thought behind it. He possesses particularly powerful new abilities belonging to the lightning release and genjutsu, not to mention his physical abilities which outclass the average, and by far. He's able to use Raiton without any hand seals, as he did with Katon.

Although I can agree that training him could greatly help him on many aspects, including getting him out of his indifference to the absence of any activity, I mustn't forget that Naruto remains dangerous and unstable. Teaching him how to master his powers could turn against me, and deprived of my chakra, my field of action is limited. That I lose my hold on him torments me, sows sincere fears; under his animal instincts, Naruto can no longer recognize me since he emancipates himself from everything that surrounds him, up to my person.

I am the only one capable of keeping him under control, and this responsibility weighs down my exhausted shoulders from carrying this mountain-like weight.

"Maybe," I darkly say, unconvinced before holding up one of my arms to show it to him. "However, I am in no condition to do so. My chakra reserves are too limited and I prefer not to take any risks. Naruto is hard enough to subdue in his current state when he's possessed by his feral instincts."

"I understand what you mean, but think about it. Working the body also helps to heal what is within. It could also help him to channel himself and keep his lucidity. Besides, if he trains hard every day, he'll be easier to contain if he spends his excess energy. Didn't you tell me that Naruto was hyperactive? He may have amnesia, but some things don't change."

Guy has a point, although he's wrong on one detail: this Naruto is rather quiet in nature compared to the old Naruto. Nevertheless, it's true that it could be beneficial to him. Exhausted, he wouldn't have the energy to cause trouble. I'm particularly curious about what level Naruto could reach if he learned to use his chakra devourer powers, pairing them with his techniques that he has to relearn. His new condition makes him a potential threat, of course, but controlled, his power could become a valuable asset for the village.

Between these powers and those of the Nine-Tails, it doesn't change much; Naruto is dangerous with both of them. However, prudence forces me to hesitate. Unlike Kyūbi, we have no way to subdue him and my person, acting as an abstract lock, is very far from being infallible; last night proved that very well.

"Seen this way, you're not wrong. I'll think about it," I nod.

Guy shows me his too radiant smile by taking the pose of the "nice guy."

"I have to go, Kakashi," he says, putting a friendly hand on my shoulder. "I got home to pack a few things before going on a mission with my pupils. We'll have to resume our rivalry as soon as you are in better shape! I'll be honest, you're a bit scary to see."

"… That much...?" I worry.

Raising a hand to his chin, he scans me, making me feel uncomfortable.

"You seem on the verge of a nervous breakdown."

"...Ah, really...?"

Guy approaches me again, enters my personal space; a bead of sweat slides on my temple.

"That, or you haven't slept for ages. Hmm…"

"...You must already know this … but I have to feed Naruto with my chakra every day," I stammer, avoiding his gaze … excruciatingly persistent.

"That must be it," he agrees, nodding and walking away to my relief. "Anyway! Think about what I told you, Kakashi. It can't hurt him."

Saying so, he sketches another smile before greeting me and leaving for his home. It doesn't take long for me to regain that rare peace of mind that I've been missing since taking custody of Naruto. Alone again, I go over his words in my head, his idea as well. Struck by contrary feelings, I cannot make a decision, to the point that I stare blankly at the pages of my book. Right now, it's not urgent.

Patience is the mother of all virtues, after all.

- XXX -

After Guy left, I immersed myself in my book until I read it in full. His idea of training Naruto is in my head, but for now, I prefer to chase it to the back of my mind and think about it later. Also, I felt it was the perfect time to wake Naruto from his slumber. I remain sure that with time and the accumulation of fatigue, he will end up falling asleep one day or another at nightfall, voluntarily or not. Then I just have to keep him on this daytime cycle until his nighttime one is finally broken.

Unsurprisingly, Naruto still sleeps just as soundly and snores; at that, he's drooling on my pillow that's become disgusting and damp. Since the teenager is being obedient to my rules since he asked my permission to go to bed, I choose to wake him gently, although I expect him to resist me by grumbling.

I shake him a few times, calling out his name. It only takes a few jerks for him to open his eyes and stop making noise. His eyes look at me, but they contemplate the void; his numb mind is still half asleep.

"Naruto, wake up!" I curtly order him.

The blond doesn't react and just blinks like a butterfly on the run for its life. As I pull the blanket off him, I don't notice his tail slyly wrapping around my ankles. The latter tightens the embrace all at once and forces my legs to stick together. Not being ready for this sudden gesture, I lose my balance.

As I fall, Naruto abruptly grabs me in his arms and pulls me into the bed to hug me, to the point where I can hardly breathe normally. My body against his and my face too close to his starts a frantic race in my chest and makes my overheated face blush.

I therefore try to free myself from his tenacious embrace which tightens as I struggle to get out. Unfortunately, I have to stop when my puffs of air become hisses as he crushes my chest, rocking me in a vise of pain, soon to feel my ribs cracking and breaking. With dread, his ebony tail twists around my legs until I can no longer move them; quickly, they are prey to worrying tingling, betraying their lack of blood flow.

His grip is too strong, and no sound manages to come out of my lips. My lungs are emptying more than they are taking in air. I am suffocating with excruciating slowness.

In the panic that possesses me, I hear him snore.

Naruto went back to sleep, imprisoning me in his limbs.

He doesn't realize he's slowly killing me.

Hardly, I grab his hair and pull at them roughly, but the pain makes him wince and moan, while crushing me even more unconsciously. Every movement I make, however small, accentuates the intensity of his murderous shackles made of flesh. With the lack of oxygen in my bruised organs, I hiss silent lamentations that die out for good. I've reached that point where I cannot breathe anymore.

My mind goes numb; it's difficult for me to construct the slightest thought. My vision blurs little by little, dark lights dance in front of my eyes and the sounds become distant echoes. If I don't find a solution as soon as possible, I will lose consciousness and then fall asleep in a final slumber…

Gathering my last strength, I wrap my student in my arms and give myself a swing to shove us out of bed. In this fall that spans seconds that turn into hours and then days, close to pass out, I close my eye, hoping that it will work and that Naruto won't take my life.

By hitting the ground, Naruto is brutally awakened from his sleep and releases me immediately. Free, I detach from him to roll myself into a ball in order to inhale long puffs of air. However, the panic shaking me completely prevents me from filling my atrophied lungs. Head against the floor, I have to lower my mask, until I regain control of my breathing. The pain plunging my body into suffering makes me tremble. Many drops of sweat slide on my forehead, thus wetting my silver locks which are pressed against my skin.

Busy catching my breath, I jump when someone gently touches my shoulders. I cover my face before raising my head with difficulty. My dark eye meets Naruto's panicked ones, kneeling in front of me. If I transcribe his look, he has no idea what happened. Somehow, he's analyzing the situation, trying to understand what is happening to me. Besides, he stopped breathing.

"... It's alright, Naruto… I felt unwell for a second… That's all," I lie, so as not to worry my student and thus, prevent him from being bitten with guilt afterwards.

My rib cage hurts me, yet I forbid myself to put my hand on it despite the urge. This simple gesture could make him realize that he's to blame. I wasn't expecting this kind of thing at all and I got in trouble by letting my guard down. Half asleep, probably sleepwalking, Naruto wanted to hug me in his sleep as usual … but he must have been dreaming of me; to squeeze me so tightly to break me in two, it can only be that. His deadly embrace must have been caused by the desire not to let go of me anymore, for fear of losing me; that's the only explanation that comes to mind.

His brute strength greatly outclasses mine. I note with horror that he's fully capable of breaking my bones without effort since his muscles had not reached their climax, not to mention his chakra which he uses to amplify his strength as he did during his escape. … I wonder if that's the primary reason for this group's decision to starve Naruto until he was only flesh and bones.

All in all, Naruto didn't do it on purpose, that's understood.

I wince and sit back up painfully, suppressing a moan. The blond takes the opportunity to put a hand on my forehead to take my temperature. He removes his palm and gently hugs me, wrapping his arms around my neck. One of his hands caresses my neck and my silver mane; the carefulness he shows saves me from being scratched by his claws. He seeks to cover me with tenderness to drive away my pain, without knowing that he has caused them himself. Too upset to react, I let him do what he wants. I can hardly appreciate his warm gesture. I'm too busy pumping up my organs with oxygen.

Gradually, I regain my composure. I gently push Naruto away from me.

"I'm better, Naruto. Thank you."

The latter sketches a shy, but sincere smile. The blazing fire in my chest left me along with the tremors, though I still have sharp twinges in my chest and legs. I take a deep breath and struggle to get up, holding on to the edge of the bed. The teenager imitates me before observing me with a disturbing neutrality that doesn't allow me to guess what he's thinking. Even his eyes convey no emotion.

"Go wait for me in the bathroom. I'll run the water for your shower."

Silent, Naruto doesn't answer me. Nevertheless, with a hesitant step, he walks with excruciating slowness, not taking his eyes off me, visibly concerned about my condition.

"I'm fine, Naruto. Hurry up!" I curse, pointing to the door.

Fortunately, he finally obeys me. I quickly lift my top. I have bruises absolutely everywhere and two hematomas mark my ribs; they are already pronounced and they will soon take on a more reddish and purplish complexion. Touching it with my finger, I flinch; I wouldn't be surprised to learn that my ribs are cracked. No wonder I'm in so much pain. I find the same phenomenon on my legs, although they are less injured.

Naruto brutalizes me and prints marks of suffering all over my body which, little by little, becomes as thin as his. A shiver of dread slides down my spine. He can inflict such damage on me without the slightest effort. I wouldn't last long if Naruto tried to kill me. At his full potential, especially one-on-one, very few would be able to match him. To have paid the costs when he wants to avoid hurting me no matter what, I am convinced of it.

I understand their motives for bringing chakra devourers back to life as weapons.

Training him with his unstable psyche turns out to be a very, very bad idea.

It doesn't take me long to meet Naruto with a change of clothes. I miss a heartbeat when I see him fully naked, wagging his tail impatiently. Without realizing it, I froze as my suddenly voyeuristic eye flew autonomously over all of his exposed skin; at that, I stopped blinking. At first glance, Naruto didn't seem at all bothered or disturbed by my wandering iris.

Why did I do this?

Something is wrong with me…

I shake my head to collect myself before setting the clothes on the counter and then running the water. Hardly ignoring my heart in the middle of a marathon, I grab one of the teenager's arms to remove the bandages … however, he hastens to withdraw to hide them behind his back. A drop of sweat beads on his temple as he fiercely avoids any retinal contact. Obviously, he's afraid to contemplate the marks likely to bring up the traumas of nightmares that he stubbornly forgets, as if his life depended on it.

I let out a sigh despite myself.

"I have no choice but to take them off, Naruto. You're not going to keep them your entire life either. I'm sure there's nothing left. If it's too difficult for you, close your eyes, okay?"

The sapphire-eyed boy arches his back more; his black tail wagging with anguish betrays his fears.

"Do you trust me, Naruto?"

My words capture his attention. He's rotten with stress which devours his entrails. His toes bend and unbend. His teeth harshly rub against each other. Nevertheless, although trembling, he fiercely closes his eyelids, frowning, and offers me his two arms which he holds out to me. To make sure he doesn't see anything, he also turns his head away.

"You're doing well, Naruto," I whisper, grabbing the trembling right arm.

I slowly unroll the bandage and as I had suspected, the bruises have completely disappeared. With the catastrophic amount of chakra he took from me yesterday, that doesn't surprise me. I perform the same ritual with the left that is stained with blood. However, worry grips me.

His wrist, although attenuated, is still marked with bruises. I also note that his bite has not started the healing process as it should. His skin is reddish and warm when I slide a finger over this area; by touching him with this gentle caress, I make the boy shudder in pain. Moreover, the deep holes are still crusted with their protective and bloody coating. What does that mean? Why are these tiny wounds taking so long to heal?

A short reflection, an unacknowledged fear and logical obviousness.

Could it be that his venom is to blame? In fact, it can only be that. If not, I don't understand this worrying slowdown in his recovery. In addition to his immunity to his own toxin, it seems that his body is struggling to get rid of it and unlike me, it doesn't spread either. Otherwise, his right wrist would be in the same condition. At first glance, his substance conflicts with his regenerative ability of chakra devourers…

Being immune to medical ninjutsu for dark and alarming reasons, I have to make sure he never bites himself to pour his venom into it again.

Unfortunately, because of the traumatic marks, I can't leave his arm as it is, but I cannot rebandage it either. Meanwhile, the blond began to shake and his breath quickened. He has understood that the marks are always there and without even seeing them, he cannot stop thinking about them.

"Calm down, Naruto. Stop thinking about it. I'll quickly fix this."

I'm working my brain to find a solution. I sweep my dark eye around, and an idea lights up my head. I grab a towel that I delicately wrap around the problematic area; I make sure to fold it in a certain way so it safely stays in place. His perforated skin of his canines is exposed, but this shouldn't worry him since it didn't bother him to the point of considering his injury as insignificant.

"It's all good now. You can open your eyes, Naruto," I say, landing a friendly hand on his shoulder.

Reluctantly, my student opens his eyelid to look at his outstretched limbs in front of him. Anxiety is persistent although not getting worse.

"Don't make too sudden movements with your left arm. I'll bandage it again when you're done."

As mute as a grave, he doesn't answer me. Nevertheless, he directs his attention to the shower. He examines the water with touch. Hesitantly, he swallows, then steps inside, keeping his left arm out of the reach of the artificial rain. I slowly close behind him. Unlike last time, I leave the door wide open; a fear that he would have another episode of self-harm in response to the partially closed room.

With an ear on the lookout for the slightest psychological distress on his part, I approach a chair to settle down near the bathroom before reading my book.

- XXX -

In order not to worry Kakashi, Naruto had chased away all traces of emotions in him. Kakashi was hiding something from him, Kakashi refused to divulge the information for reasons he could not understand.

However, Naruto was not fooled.

Kakashi was plunged into great distress and inconceivable suffering… Yet Kakashi acted as if nothing had happened.

He could not be sure, but he wondered if he were to blame… Only blurry images bombarded his mind if he tried to remember, to see the scene in his head. He was dreaming of Kakashi and the next moment, he was on the ground. Kakashi was next to him, Kakashi was curled up on himself and Kakashi's chaotic breathing was unleashed. Naruto tried to remember the dream in question, but it was lost forever in his labyrinthine mind.

The teenager could not know if he were the reason for the pains of the precious human in his eyes. But since he trusted Kakashi, he agreed to believe him, even if the anxieties tormented him and gave rise to this unpleasant feeling pressing his stomach upside down.

As ordered, Naruto had gone to the water room, forgetting his worries about Kakashi … to no avail. Since Kakashi seemed upset that he was doing so slowly, he hurriedly undressed, so as not to anger him any more than Kakashi already was. Kakashi had entered the room soon after. When the blond noticed Kakashi's eye looking up and down at his person, confusion crept into his mind.

Naruto did not understand why Kakashi had stared at him like that, just as he did not understand why Kakashi's organ had accelerated, about to rupture. While Kakashi was busy activating the mechanism responsible for the soft and pleasant rain, the teenager was observing his own self insistently. He was trying to understand Kakashi's strange gaze and confusion.

His scar on his belly? His ebony mark? His dorsal mosaic? His tail? His necklace? His claws? His fur? The fabrics covering his arms? Kakashi's iris had wandered over his entire body; last time, Kakashi had lingered on his front mark.

He was thinking, over and over again. But he could not find any answer to explain Kakashi's visual and unusual behaviour.

Had he done something wrong? Should he stay dressed this time?

He did not understand why or how he had confused Kakashi…

Naruto had started to panic when Kakashi wanted to remove the protective fabrics, to the point of keeping them out of Kakashi's reach. These painful ornaments as wounds plunged him into a world of suffering and fear. Even if the light chasing away all the misfortunes of despair lurking in his bruised heart was there, next to him, very close, he was unable to see them, or even remember their existence. Nevertheless, having Kakashi by his side soothed his daytime nightmares, preventing him from sinking into this darkness where there was only pain and fear.

Blindly trusting Kakashi, Naruto offered him his arms while closing his eyes. As a docile and obedient gentle beast that he was, he had let Kakashi work; for Kakashi, he would accept his least request, whatever it was, even if he were not ready.

When Kakashi began to observe his tortured left arm, he realized that the nightmare prints were still there; in order not to think about it, as ordered by Kakashi, he bit his lower lip until he tasted iron in his mouth. The pain inflicted allowed him to keep control over his unstable and eager emotions to overwhelm him. Naruto waited patiently for Kakashi to protect him from his demons before opening his eyelids. The thick, white fabric was rough to the touch, but he did not care. The cursed mark did not exist if he could not see it.

Cautiously, the blond tested the water and entered the glass cage which Kakashi gently closed behind. Unnecessarily, he made sure a few several times that he could still open it. He was terrified of not being able to get out.

The clear droplets bounced off his skin, which absorbed their heat in order to spread it through his epidermis. His golden hair stuck to his face as the watery matter covered him; the darker ones on his black tail and lower back suffered the same phenomenon. As he let himself be lulled by these sensations giving him pleasant chills that emptied his head, an excruciating pain took all the place.

Although he carefully avoided putting it under water, his left arm was bombarded with transparent beads pricking him and piercing his skin like knives. His hot arm was quickly jerking, and the throbbing pain was spreading up his spine. Naruto gritted his teeth. He leaned his head and his right hand against the wall. His back was bent and he groaned while panting harder and harder. He was enslaved to suffering. He had to cover his body with the non-existent scent substances, but the pain paralyzed him.

The flesh inflamed by his fangs and his venom mixed with too much saliva could not be wet… But in order not to disappoint Kakashi, Naruto had reluctantly accepted. Having seen Kakashi collapse shortly before was an obligation to give in. Otherwise, he would have stubbornly refused.

For Kakashi, he ignored his agonizing pains.

For Kakashi, he forbade himself to leave the water cage.

For Kakashi, he silenced his instincts screaming at him to get out.

Hellow there! Thank you for your interest toward my story! I always read carefully your reviews and I also thank you for your advice toward my writing. English is my second language and I didn't notice I was using some words wrong or not the right ones. I will be careful for the next chapters !