Day 266, Kirkwall Day 170

After five days of bed rest they finally let me walk home under an armed escort, but my annoying friends refused to let me slip back in during the middle of the workday. They insisted I wait until after dinner, which is when the Alienage has the most people out and about. I didn't even make it all the way down the stairs before they saw us coming.

I was a big hit, which was flattering I guess. I tolerated hugs and gentle pats on the back from most of the Night Watch because they kept everyone else from swarming me, and helped my friends get me into my house without further trouble.

Definitely noticed an age divide though. Doesn't seem like many of the Elders were nearly as happy to see me, compared to everyone else.

Still happy to be home though. Well, as much of a home as I can have on Thedas.

Sitting at my table writing this while Merrill cooks us something in the fire. Isabella is critiquing my wine selection, and Varric is trying to figure out what the hell I'm writing. I still don't understand why spoken 'Trade' is just English, while the written version is a totally different alphabet, but hey. It stops him from reading this and lets me communicate with everyone, so I'm taking it as a win and not thinking too much about it when I've got more pressing problems.

The pain from Merrill's torture-me-to-save-me spell is mostly gone, but the fully-body ache still creeps up on me in the mornings. Doing my best not to show it, but I'm pretty sure Merrill knows. Poor girl's developing some kind of complex over it, no matter how many times I tell her I'm grateful she stopped me from dying. She's started trying to not let me do things in the mornings if she gets up before me. Need to buy her something nice and get her to relax, she's got enough problems without stressing herself out about me.

My fingers are cramping, and my stomach's empty. Will write more tomorrow.

Day 267, Kirkwall Day 171

Longing's been in a real snit since it happened. I haven't woken up in the Fade since the attack, thankfully, but the bitch has been loading up enough dreams of home to make her irritation clear. That or she's just hungrier than usual. Either way it's annoying, if probably better than the Nightmare giving me another visit.

Plus exposure therapy is apparently a thing. I think I'm getting used to them, waking up more nostalgic than upset these days. Once in a while she still breaks out the hard hitting ones, mostly about my brothers, or that last family vacation in Miami before it all went to hell, but it doesn't hurt as badly as they used to. I don't know why. Maybe I'm just that desperate to have reminders of home. Feels like every day here my memory slips a bit more, and Longing's dreams are the only things helping.

That can't be good, but I don't know what to do about it right now.

In other news, Petrice came by first thing in the morning, escorted by Thrask. It cost her something not to go after Merrill for being Dalish, I think, but I guess she didn't want to do that in front of me while I'm still an invalid. She's scheduled her first sermon to the Alienage for sometime next week, and wanted to go over her planned speech with me.

I made her come back at night when Varric stopped by, and amused myself by watching him tear into her script and rewrite it from the ground up. She started pissy as usual, then read what he'd written, and had to admit that it was a lot better than what she'd done. I kicked them both out when they started debating the exact tones she should use during specific sentences, and when she should pause for audience reactions.

She was just as courtly in front of everyone else; she did the hand-kissing thing both when she arrived and left, which made Merrill coo and Varric start asking me if I had a fetish for Chantry Robes. So yay. Something new for them to tease me over.

Thrask got me up to speed on everything else. A few people have tested him and Emeric, and been warned off before they could try anything. He wants to bring his wife and daughter in, but he's wary of making them targets by letting them live in the Guardhouse or Alienage. Not sure what a solution for that would be. Maybe he can have them move in nearby, or visit them on certain days? Thinking about it. At a minimum I need to get a Dream-catcher set up for his daughter, and for Feynriel. Going to ask Merrill for help on figuring out the kid's burst into flames.

Also, we definitely need a proper barracks in the Alienage too. More arranged marriage drama is ongoing, and I don't like the way the Elders keep trying to boss around the Night's Watch. I may hate being its leader, but I'm not about to let those idiots run it instead. Trying to convince Zatris or Elowen to take over, but that's a work in progress.

Day 274, Kirkwall Day 178

Longing figured out I wasn't reacting as well to her dreams anymore. She sent me sex ones about my first boyfriend last night instead. The bitch made sure I woke up before the end too. Ugh. Merrill thought I was having a relapse, and was rushing around in a panic before I blurted out that I was frustrated thanks to an annoying demon. Now she won't look at me without blushing.

At least Petrice's sermon seemed to go well. Everyone who actually believes in the Maker got weepy that a Sister had taken the time to come down and speak to us, and then started beaming at me when Petrice opened her speech thanking me for inviting her. I did get a few glares though, mostly from people who I thought still worshiped the Creators. Zatris was one of them, but he calmed down in a hurry when he realized that Petrice was focusing on an anti-Qunari message. We talked a bit about that after. He let me explain my reasoning, and admitted that it wasn't a bad idea, even if he had no use for the Maker.

In other news, aches are still lingering in the morning. Trying to not let Merrill see. Stretching first thing when I wake up seems to help a little, so starting a new routine with that.

Off to bed, hoping that Longing behaves tonight.

Day 275, Kirkwall Day 179

She didn't behave. My first time with the girl I hooked up with after the boyfriend dumped me. Definitely heard Longing cackling when I woke up frustrated again. The bitch.

Petrice didn't help. She came by right after I finished delivering letters for Varric, with a basket full of dinner and notes on various plans to start turning the city against the Qun. I managed to talk her out of a plan to incite the Qunari into attacking first by pointing out that the city was in no shape to actually win that fight with Meredith keeping all of her Templars on the far side of the bay. Instead I convinced her to start sounding out other Sisters and Revered Mothers to start reminding everyone of the Qunari's occupation of Kirkwall during their big crusade period, and to sound out a few Templars about convincing Meredith that the Qunari are a bigger threat than her caged mages.

That part of the dinner went just fine.

The part where she complimented my 'incredible wisdom and insight' like she thought that was most attractive thing in the world left me blushing like I was sixteen, and it only got worse when she did the hand-kissing thing again. And then when she left with as much hip-swaying as she could manage in those robes. She's really not my type, but there's still something... I don't know. Nice about being wanted by someone who doesn't stare at my ears.

Still. Probably should try and find a way to let her down gently if I can. And find a way to make my libido stop reminding me that I haven't been with anyone in more than a year.

At least Merrill wasn't home to see me act like an idiot, and maybe I avoided a few pointless deaths by talking her down. Small victories.

Day 281, Kirkwall Day 185

Finally met Anders again at the Hanged Man; another of Varric's runners tracked him down and got him to show up for card night.

He apologized for never coming back, apparently he was too busy setting up his clinic in Darktown and spending a few days in an attic avoiding Templars. He's not happy that more than a few of them now have Mabari partners. Varric and I very much kept our mouths shut about our accidental involvement in that. He proved to be pretty good company over drinks, and very chatty once he was a few cups in.

That was the good news.

The bad news was that he's not a Gray Warden. I worked it into a comment about him being safe from the Templars if he joined up with them, and he dismissed it at once. Said he's got interest, especially now that the Blight's ending. Claims to only be an escaped mage from the Circle in Ferelden.

I believe him, if only because the timing says he couldn't possibly have done the whole expansion pack thing that he was originally in. Dammit. I don't remember the details of that, apart from the fact that Anders was in it. And that there was a Dalish, Ogrhen, and Justice. Plus others, but their names are escaping me. Dammit. If I'd known I was going to get yanked into this world I'd have binge-played those damned games until I could quote every line. I'm getting a bad feeling that my lack of foreknowledge is going to bite me in the ass soon.

Speaking of foreknowledge, I don't know if he's got Justice inside him or not. Not something you can just bring up. Again, the timing makes me think no, which is probably a very good thing. If he's not an abomination, much less odds of him going full terrorist, so that's another win for me here. I hope.

Anders didn't know much of anything about the Wardens either, though he did confirm that they'd stopped the Blight and killed the Archdemon. That and there'd definitely been more than just Allistair and the player character. He was certain there'd been at least four Wardens, maybe even five, but the only name he could give me was Mahariel. I already knew that one, thanks to Merrill, but he doesn't know happened to the guy in the end. He also confirmed that Allistair had been voted King by the Landsmeet, and was due to marry Loghain's prissy daughter any day now.

The big news was that he did know about Hawke, at least a little.

Sorry, "Arlessa Marian Hawke of Amaranthine", given the title by the Landsmeet for something she'd done during the Blight. Anders never met her, and doesn't know how she earned the title. All he can say is that she's supposed to be the greatest archer in Ferelden, and is even better with her daggers. Rogue Hawk then, not a mage. Supposedly both of her siblings are alive too.

I don't even know where to start with any of that. Going to try and get drunk instead. Maybe that will stop the pain in the mornings

Day 282, Kirkwall Day 186

Note; Extreme Hangover + Lingering Blood Magic Aches = Agony

Note 2; Merrill's elfroot tea is the best thing when everything hurts.

Day 285, Kirkwall Day 189

Lowtown rabble made a bigger attempt on the Alienage last night. A mob came out of the east side of the city, fired up on the idea that Elves were getting preferential treatment. Stealing their jobs, lusting after their children, the usual crap.

The old gate kept most of them out, drunken idiots couldn't figure out how to open it. A few of them managed to climb it or the walls, only to find two Templars and a bunch of Elves angry that our sleep had been interrupted. We knocked them over the head, tied them up, and then called for the Guard to pick them up in the morning. I doubt they'll be charged with anything, Brennan says she's there's no still real laws for breaking into the Alienage. She's going to make them cool off in jail for a day or two, fine them, and then hope they learned their lesson.

We're not hopeful, but at least there wasn't any real violence. So that part of the system worked, I guess, but everyone's sure it'll just be a matter of time before they make another attempt. Petrice says Elthina's going to speak against attacks on us in her sermons, for what good that will do. Only the nobles and wealthy get to hear her talk, and none of them give a fuck about what's happening down here. Hell, they're probably happy that all of us lower class morons are too busy fighting each other to go after the people hoarding all of the nice houses and stopping us from living in slums.

In other news, the Blight is officially over in Ferelden now, and practically no one believes it was actually a Blight since it didn't even last a year. Still waiting on any information on the Wardens and their companions. My thoughts about paying a visit to Hawke got cut off by Varric: he says he might need me to invest in something to help him out with his brother, and that he also might need me to come with him for a few weeks to watch his back.

I grilled him on it, and got the confirmation that I didn't want.

With the Blight over, Bartrand had made his decision a few months ahead of what I thought the timeline should be.

We leave for the Deep Roads in three weeks.