Check it out - Namjoon PG

I saw how weary he was when he walked into my area, satchel bag slung over his shoulder, mask pulled up. He found a chair in a secluded corner of the library, placing a few books on the table near him that he had obviously grabbed off the shelves on his way past. Running his hand through his hair, he sipped on a coffee and opened the first book, shoulders relaxing down as he became absorbed in what he was reading. And so I left him to it, casting side glances from time to time and desperately wanting to say hello but knowing he needed to just be in his own space.

There was a moment when I had to shelve some books near him but I did it as quickly as I could, trying to quietly glance aorund his area for loose books that needed to go back to their home. We made brief eye contact as he looked up, I smiled and slid mine quickly away, hoping to be able to leave him mostly undisturbed. And when I was at my desk and he walked past to grab another book before returning to his spot, I carried on working, head focused down.

Eventually I could see him gathering his things together. Looking at the clock, it had been several hours and I was pleased he'd been left to himself. I'd noticed that no-one came up to disturb him, of course I had been watching. Whether anyone recognised him I couldn't tell but it wasn't especially busy today and I smiled at that. The perfect day for Namjoon to sit and read.

He swung by my desk on the way out, wanting to check out some books on art. I secretly wondered if he would even remember to return them with his busy schedule and hoped I'd be working again if he ever came back. I gave a small "hello," as he handed them over and he smiled a hello back, watching as I scanned them into his account before handing them back.

"Thank you. ARMY right?"

I looked up, surprised that he knew. He must've seen my confusion.

"I think it's seven purple bracelets you're wearing, I tried to count them but your hands are always moving. And your shoes."

I quickly looked down at the small BTS and ARMY emblems on the backs of my shoes. I'd owned them two years and he was the first one to comment. How amazing that it was RM to be the one to say something.

"Yes, I am ARMY for sure," I replied, rubbing my hand across the bracelets automatically, a comfort to me when things got stressful. Like now, in front of the leader of the band that changed my world.

"Well, thank you ARMY. I appreciate I was able to sit here quietly for a few hours."

"I wouldn't have ever interupted you. Who knows, you might be thinking up the next amazing song and I wouldn't want to stop that from happening. You deserve to be able to sit and have some peace."

"Yes, peace. It was what I needed today."

I went to speak but closed by mouth instead, not feeling it was the right place to speak.

"It's OK, I have a moment," RM replied, putting his books on the counter and pausing as he looked at me.

"Well, I just wanted to say, I hope you know how much your music has meant to so many people. It changes lives which sounds dramatic to say out loud but is true. But at the same time, I wish that didn't weigh heavily on you because ARMY knows you need a break and you keep making music to make us happy. When really, we just want you to be happy."

I'd been having a hard time looking at him when I was speaking, his eyes sharp and focused on what I was saying but in the last moment, I held his gaze to try to communicate the depth of my words and his eyes softened when I did. It was all true though because that's what true ARMY really wanted, them all to be happy.

"Thank you, that means a lot. And truthfully, we've all been weary for a long time. Apart from ARMY and the fact we do really love making music together, we would've taken a long rest a few years back."

"Well, when you do rest, we'll still be here at the end, a huge ocean of purple cheering you on."

"Even if we didn't ever come back together as a group?"

I gulped at his words and I know he saw that flicker in my eyes, a slight fear that he was telling me future plans but I quickly spoke. "Yes, even then, we'd support each of you in whatever you decided to do. I'm not saying we wouldn't be sad for a while but ARMY has each other just like BTS has each other and we'd be OK. Please don't feel the pressure to be everything for us at the expense of yourselves."

"ARMY and BTS have each other too," he smiled softly, reaching for his books. "Thank you for this afternoon. Sometimes taking a few hours is all I need to recharge. And don't worry, we'll be around for a while, you can't get rid of us."

"Wouldn't want to, I'm in this BTS world for life," I answered, smiling back.

He waved as he walked away, sunglasses and mask appearing on his face as he moved towards the front door, head lowered a little and dissapearing into the Autumn afternoon light. And I sat back, stunned at my encounter. I'd said everything I'd wanted to say to him and hoped he'd heard ARMY's heart behind my words.

Namjoon

As I walked into my apartment, tossing my satchel on the counter and watching it slide off onto the floor, I rolled my eyes wryly, not really surprised. I picked it up again and placed it carefully down before pouring myself a drink and sinking back into the couch. The afternoon had been peaceful, I'd finished a book I'd been trying to read for months and then started a new one before I'd realised the time, sipping coffee and occasionally glancing out the nearby window, watching the world go by.

ARMY's words were sweet, not the first time I had heard similar ones and they always struck me but she had said it so adamently, clearing wanting me to understand how much she meant them. The word happy kept bouncing in my head. She'd wanted us to be happy, of course we wanted that for ourselves too but also for ARMY. Which is why we did work so hard and run ourselves until we had nothing left to give.

Leaning back against the headrest, I closed my eyes and tried to recapture the peaceful feeling from the afternoon. And then I flicked my eyes open, reaching for a pen and paper, scrawling the words that came quickly into my mind, tumbling on the sheets in front of me.

Your face smiles into my soul

Changing atmosphere

Changing people

Bringing strength

Your words they bring me peace

And I can be happy again, again

"Thank you ARMY," I thought to myself as I started onto the second verse.