Going up – Tae
It's inevitable that you have to use an elevator at some times in your life, unless you were happy to climb flights of stairs. But today, carrying two large bags and needing to get to the top of a 20 storey building, I opted to take some deep breaths and take the quicker and easier option. Lifts and I had never been friends; small space, trapped with random people and the feeling of being lifted high into the air, completely at the mercy of some wires and mechanical devices had never sat well with me. But my lack of fitness regime and the heavy bags of food I had with me meant I needed to suck it up, count to fifty and I'd already be at the top.
As the lift dinged, announcing it had arrived at the ground floor, I picked up the bags from the ground next to me and entered quickly as the doors slid open, not giving myself time to change my mind. Pressing the button that would take me to the top, I let the bags lean against my leg as the doors began to slide shut, closing my eyes to go into another place for the next minute before they quickly popped open when I heard a voice.
"Wait, wait please," the deep tone spoke and I opened my eyes to see an arm appear to stop the door from closing before a man walked through the doors, pressing the button and casting a quick sorry my way as he turned his back to me. All I saw was some big brown eyes before he dropped his head and I closed mine again. Great, so now I was in here with a random man too. Taking a big breath in, I began to count again as the doors finally slid closed and the lift began to rise.
Counting in my head I heard a rustle in front and opened my eyes a slit to see the man was turned slightly towards me. Realising I was counting out loud, I blocked him out and focused on counting under my breath, knowing we must be halfway when there was a shudder and I let out a loud shriek as it came to a sudden halt, sending me careening into him before dropping ungainly to the floor.
"Oh, are you OK," the man asked, reaching out a hand to help me up and I looked into the huge, very recognisable face of Kim Taehyung.
"Oh, I, ummm, yes, thank you," I said allowing him to help me before he dropped my hand. "I was just unsteady on my feet." I hoped he thought my cheeks were flushed from the fall rather than the embarrassment of touching my idol.
"I think there's a problem," he said, reaching for buttons and pressing them to no avail. We were definitely not moving.
I started to feel like the walls were closing in on me. No. no, no, I couldn't have a panic attack, not here and now.
"Maybe I should press the call button." he continued, not focused on me as he pressed it and waited. A crackle indicated the line was open as he said hello a few times.
"Yes sir, it looks like your lift has stopped," came the reply and I wanted to reach into the box and throttle whoever it was. Clearly there was a problem and it needed to be fixed instantly.
"Yes, we're not moving at all," Taehyung said calmly, glancing at me and doing a double take when he noticed I was starting to likely change colour.
"We'll be there right away sir," they said and there were no further voices as my knees gave way and I slid back down on the floor, resting against the wall. Dropping my head between my legs, I attempted to fill me lungs with air.
"Are you OK," he asked, crouching down next to me.
I nodded, not able to speak and not wanting to admit in front of him that I was afraid of small spaces.
"I don't think you are. Is it being in the lift?"
"Too small," I gasped out and he lowered himself the rest of the way down near me.
"Is there something I can do to help," he asked gently, "like, ah, with your breathing," he said, noticing it had escalated, a lot.
"Ummmmm, I, my head is moving," I said, feeling it swimming, hoping I wouldn't pass out in front of Tae. I had pictured meeting him many, many times but never like this.
I felt warm hands take hold of mine and raised my head in surprise from where it had fallen low. "Maybe focus on me for a moment, they say to copy peoples breathing right? I feel OK here, we'll be out soon so just breathe with me," and I watched his chest rise and fall, focusing on that rather than his eyes or the soft grip he had on my fingers. In and out I mimicked as I tried to bring more oxygen into my body, trying to calm myself down.
"Where were you heading," he asked, maybe starting a conversation to distract me.
"To the top. I'm meant to be helping cater an event that is on shortly." I felt like my words sounded a little more normal now, not stilted and gasped out as much, my head clearing a little.
He laughed. "I'm meant to be at the same event," he said. "Obviously not to cook, I'm not that good."
"You've gotten better," I answered, remembering his latest TV series.
"Oh, you know who I am."
"Of course, you are one of the most famous people in Korea."
He looked a little embarrassed and didn't acknowledge that but looked down at where our hands were still joined. "Do you feel better?"
"I do, thank you," and he pulled away, both our hands dropping back but he didn't stand up or move far away, sitting against the wall near me instead.
"That's good. I'm sorry that happened to you but this will be over quickly."
"I hope so. I'm just not good in small spaces."
"I get it, I'm afraid of a few things too."
I racked my brain trying to remember what I'd seen online about him. "Really? Like what?"
"I don't love heights. Or spiders."
"Oh same, I'm probably scared of heaps of things but spiders always make me want to run screaming."
"I know they're small and people say just to kill them but I can never do that."
I nodded although I knew deep down, if it was between the spider and me, I was picking me every time. Especially if it came near me. I shivered at the thought. Here I was, stuck in an elevator with Kim Taehyung and we were talking about all the things we were scared about. Who could've known this would happen when I agreed to this job today to help out a friend. It was quite possibly the best and worst thing to happen to me since I moved to Seoul.
"Are you cold," he asked, preparing to take his suit jacket off.
"No, no, just talking about all of that makes me shiver," I answered, putting up my hand to stop him. As much as the idea of wearing Tae's jacket appealed to me, I was starting to heat up being in the confined space and I didn't want to sweat in front of him. I'd already embarrassed myself enough. "Thank you though."
"No problem, I'm getting a bit warm anyway," and he pulled it off, rolling up the sleeves of the shirt he wore underneath. "Do you want something to sit on?" He held it out to me and I smiled at the thought. It was probably worth more than a few weeks of my pay and he was casually asking if I wanted to put it on the ground to sit all over. He was sweet, just like I'd always thought.
"I'm OK now and I'm hoping we won't be here long enough to need it. Do you think it will take long?"
"I don't think so," he said, reassuringly. "Plus, I've already text my team and they'll be onto it already," he said shrugging. I was sure that was true.
"Has this ever happened to you before?" I asked.
"Getting stuck in the lift with a stranger who is scared of small spaces, heights and spiders? No," he said, grinning and lightening the air inside the small box we were trapped in.
"Do we need to breathe shallowly to conserve air though," I asked, furrowing my brow a little. The last thing we needed to do was run out of air. He laughed loudly at that and I frowned a little.
"Oh, you're being serious? Sorry, sorry," he quickly apologised, hiding his smile behind his hand as he looked away.
"Alright," I grumbled, "I'm just thinking ahead to the worst case so I'm prepared."
"Oh, so you're glass half empty?"
"I suppose so. I try not to be, you guys help."
"Oh, BTS you mean?" He cocked his head to the side a little, eyes smiling a little at the mention of his brothers.
"Yes, life is just better with you all in it."
"Oh, well, thank you," he answered, this time definitely blushing. After all the compliments over all the years, it was endearing that he was still embarrassed to be told he makes a difference to people. "That's pretty much why we do what we do."
"And ARMY is grateful that you still do, even when giving it all up might've been the much easier option at some stages of your career." He nodded a little at this.
"How could we really? We love ARMY too much. And making music. And the 7 of us being together, it's all magic." He was sincere as he spoke and it flowed out of his voice, he genuinely meant it.
"And that's why you are so huge, all of the above and we can see that."
"I'm glad, it's nice to meet you ARMY."
"Oh, thank you," I said, taking his hand, feeling the warmth from earlier as I shook it with a smile. "It's Bella."
"Of course it is," he smiled and I stared, confused for a moment as he looked me up and down before looking away.
"So, what were we meant to be eating because at least if we are here for a little longer, we have food." He asked hopefully.
My chest tightened at the thought it could be ages but I tried to push it away because I quite literally had the best company possible stuck with me. "Lots but I was just picking up the fresh ingredients. Do you want to see," and I rummaged around in the bag, pulling different options out.
"Oh tangerines. I miss Yoongi," he said, pouting a little. "Do you think they'd miss one?"
I shook my head. "I always get extra, just in case. Help yourself," and I handed him one, which he took with a thank you, leaning back to peel it. "Do you want half?"
"Sure," I answered as he handed it to me and we sat for a few minutes, enjoying the fresh fruit together. The day was beginning to lean more towards the best kind of day with every passing minute. If I could ignore the fact we were still stuck in a small space and I was trying to do that. I noticed him look up towards the ceiling and quickly look away and as I went to follow his gaze he gave a sudden movement to get my attention which surprised and distracted me from where my eyes were going.
"Ah, are you OK," I asked, wondering what was going on.
"Yes, yes, I just wanted to know, are there any other fruits? I'm hungry still." It was a little abrupt and loud but I knew he had a quirky personality.
"Apple?"
"Sure, sure, what were you making with apples," he asked, reaching for one and I thought, possibly looking up at the ceiling again. I tried to follow his eyes again but he gave a sudden stretch, almost knocking into my shoulder as his hands reached out and up.
"Oh sorry, just stretching out my muscles," he said and I looked at him, not believing.
"Taehyung-ssi, what's going on?"
"Promise not to freak out?"
"Ah no! I can't promise that at all," I said loudly eyes growing large.
"OK but it will be OK, for both of us," he said, sounding like he was trying to convince himself of something.
"OK, now I am starting to imagine all sorts of things."
"No, no, it's not terrible. It's just, there is a spider in the top corner of the lift and it keeps moving."
My head pivoted to where he had been looking earlier and saw an overly large looking spider, perched like it was ready to pounce.
"Oh," I said, miserably, not loving this lift ride at all again. The stairs would for now and evermore be my friend, no matter how much I had to carry. "Oh."
"It's OK, as long as it stays there," he answered and then his eyes joined mine in expanding as we watched it's slow descent down the wall. "Oh."
There was nothing I could do to stop myself even if it was probably not polite. I slid the distance between us and reached for his hand and I knew from his grip on mine, we were both hoping it would stay exactly where it was right now. "Do you think it's hungry," I asked. "Should we offer it a sacrifice of fruit rather than ourselves?"
His laugh was instant, deep and reverberated around the box. My face lit up that I'd been able to make him laugh before I remembered again what villain we were both staring at. "It stopped moving. Do you think it was our noise that made it stop?"
"I'm willing to keep talking loudly if it will help that thing stay there. I mean, I'm not going to kill it but I don't want it near me."
"I'm glad you're here, this is stressful," I said, looking down out our hands, wondering if I should pull away.
"Me too. Not that we got stuck but that we're both here instead of being on our own." He didn't look like he was in a hurry to remove our hands from each others grasp and so I rolled with his lead.
Looking at the time on my cellphone I sighed. "I hope it's not too much longer though."
"Are you getting worried again?"
"I haven't stopped being worried but I don't feel like I will pass out. No, it's, well, I had a big drink of water earlier and well, you know." My voice faded away at the end of my sentence but he understood.
"So you don't want me to make water noises or sing any of the songs we have about water? Whailen 52? Sea," he teased.
"Oh I love that song!"
"Sea? It's not necessarily a fan favourite."
"It's beautiful," I answered, side eyeing the spider that had started to move again. "But you could sing anything to keep that thing away and I'd be happy."
"I'm a little shy," he said, looking down.
"No you're not," I said, laughing at his expression.
"OK, I'm not, in a concert. In front of just one person, it feels very, I don't know, personal?"
"A lot of your songs feel personal, like they're sung directly to us. The impact of a good song I guess."
"You're very encouraging about our music."
"I love it, I love you guys, I mean, together, as a band, watching you interact together." I quickly threw the words out, not wanting him to think I was in love with them all, whether it was true or not.
"I understand," he laughed just as the voice crackled into the lift again.
"Excuse me sir," and Tae scrambled to stand up, separating our hands as he moved closer to the box, pressing the button to speak.
"Yes, we're here?"
"We have technicians on site and they said it should be up and running again in only a few minutes."
"Oh, thank you so much." he answered and I gave a sigh of relief.
"It's only been about 20 minutes," he said as he heard my sigh.
"It felt so much longer, but not completely in a bad way."
"I feel the same, thank you for keeping me company Bella. You're a beautiful person, just like your name means."
I blushed and it felt like it went from my forehead all the way down my cheeks, to my ears and down my neck. Great, now he's seen me pink as well as highly anxious and almost a sweaty mess. I could still hold onto the fact he had held my hand though and hadn't let go, no matter how weird I must've come across. Reaching to gather the food scraps from our mini picnic, I hid my smile away at his compliment.
"I never got to hear you sing in person though, that was a shame."
"I owe you then, payment for the fruit."
"I'll take you up on that," I answered thinking it was all just banter, no way he'd follow through with a statement like that but I enjoyed the thought. I'd never been to one of their concerts but I'd heard they were spectacular and I'd seen online that they looked amazing.
"Well how about," he started to say and the lift lurched to a start again, sending us careening back into each other.
"I feel like this is how it all started," he said with a laugh, making sure I was steady on my feet before dropping the arms supporting me. "At least now I know your name."
"It was, well, I'd say great but that is a stretch. It was definitely an adventure."
"I was about to say how about," and the doors slid open.
"Taehyung-ssi, are you OK," a bunch of people lurched forward surrounding and engulfing him as I stepped onto solid ground, thankful to finally be out of the lift. Disappointed in a way that it was over. I might even have considered another hour or two stuck in there if he was there to keep me company.
"Just a moment Bella," Tae called, striding away from them and taking my hand to pull me a little to the side away from everyone. "I'm determined to finish what I started. How about you come to our next concert? Then you can hear us sing? You can be my guest."
My mouth dropped open and I stared at him as he smiled. "Bella, we share a common memory now, we're practically besties."
I laughed at that, how comfortable he was in his own skin and how at ease he had made me, in the lift and now. I turned to see his staff eyeing us. "I'd love to, thank you so much Taehyung-ssi."
"Tae, that's what my friends call me. I can't officially ask for your number because, well, that's complicated." He eyed his staff too, turning his back a little so they couldn't see all of our interaction. "But I'm always interested in having caterers come in, as you know, I can't cook that well yet. I'd rather it was someone I had met before, do you have a business card?"
"I do," I answered, still a little stunned, taking one from my bag and handing it over. "Thank you Tae, I'd love to come hear you all sing."
"As my guest."
"As your guest," I finished with a smile.
"OK then, you'd better get what's left of the fruit to where it needs to go so I can eat again soon. Adventures make me hungry," and he smiled as he walked away, pocketing my business card. I overheard him telling his manager that he had a really good caterer recommendation and I walked on autopilot through to the kitchen area.
"You are late," I heard when I walked in, putting the fruit bags on the counter but it went straight over my head. Because now fruit, spiders, lifts and water would remind me of this day and I couldn't think of a better thing to occupy my mind than remembering this moment.