Author's Note: Enjoy another chapter! I hope that everyone had a wonderful 4th of July Weekend. Thank you for the reviews.
Disclaimer I own none of the characters and I am making no profit from this.
edited 6/22/23
But Rhett would not be deterred. As much as he hoped that his return might be willingly embraced, he was too much of a realist to think that no damage had been done. And perhaps he needed to view this with almost military strategy, he would have to entrench himself like they had at Vicksburg, though he was hopeful of a better outcome. A decade away had given him plenty of time to think about how he had treated Scarlett and her children. He didn't generally view himself as an introspective man. But there were many times in his travels when he'd had time only to think. It was deplorable the way that he had abandoned them, and it was no wonder that Scarlett hadn't realized that he loved her. After all, he was terrible at expressing his emotions. He had spent too many years learning to shut all of his emotions off, first with his father and then later when he was on his own. As a child he had sworn to never give his father the satisfaction of reacting when he was punished, usually by whipping. He couldn't stop his father from trying to beat the mischief out, but he damn sure wasn't going to allow his father the satisfaction of an ounce of emotion. And as much as he loved his mother, he had been betrayed by her too, as she had never stepped up for him to stop his father from punishment as a child or to save him from being thrown out into exile as a young man. Now he understood that she really could not have without being beaten as well possibly, but he couldn't help but blame her some. Eventually he had mended that relationship and reconnected with his sister Rosemary, but mending and reconnecting did not remove the stings and injuries suffered over the years. And then as a young man on the frontier, showing emotion had nearly killed him, and so eventually he had learned his lesson and simply hadn't shown any.
He finished his breakfast, having grown cold in his musing. He hadn't ventured into the backyard since Bonnie's death, but he finally was ready to face the site. There was an entire garden of flowers where Bonnie's jump had once stood, and clearly Scarlett had done her part to fill the area with blue and white flowers that so resembled Bonnie's bright blue eyes. He went out into the garden and picked several flowers to take to Bonnie's grave. He felt terrible for not having visited in so long, but to visit he would have had to come to Atlanta, and he hadn't been ready for that until faced with his own mortality.
He called for a driver, and was delivered to the cemetery. Despite the years away, it took him no time to find Bonnie's grave. Some things are too important to be forgotten. It was a peaceful spot, shaded in full, leafy oaks crowding out the sun with their canopy of branches, a riot of flowers spreading near the grave. And after finding the beautiful flowers in the yard at home, he was unsurprised to find the grave equally manicured. Scarlett or one of the servants was clearly taking great care of the grave plot. He hadn't seen it in Bonnie's life, but this and the garden back at home were clear indicators of how much Scarlett had loved their daughter. He bitterly tried to justify himself in that Scarlett was putting on a show for other's but in his heart of hearts he knew that this was not the case.
He thought about talking to Bonnie, but despite the perspective that he had gained over the years, he still found it difficult to share them out loud. And so he stood there silently staring at the grave stone, desperately wishing to have the child at his side to talk to. Even though she had been terribly young, Rhett had oftentimes found himself talking to her while she slept to work through a problem he was facing, much as Scarlett had once spoken so freely to him on their buggy rides to and from the mill. At times, Bonnie would offer sage advice back to him, and at times it was simple childish gibberish.
Scarlett had replaced the simple marker with a beautiful sculpture that was a carving of the child, her face turned up, laughing. It was a beautiful tribute, and it was incredibly lifelike. It was as though Bonnie were still able to run through a field of forget me nots towards him. But Bonnie was not here, and he couldn't help but feel the sting of her absence. After seeing how Ella had grown and matured, he couldn't stop himself for briefly wonderly what Bonnie would be like now. He imagined that she would be much like Scarlett when he had met her, perhaps slightly stockier, but her face had always been so much like her mother's. She would have been beautiful, he didn't have any doubt about that. He wished fervently that he could have watched her grown into a beautiful woman, watching as she flirted and eventually found a Beau, though no man would ever be good enough for her. He imagined her for a moment as a mother, giving him a grandchild that he would have adored just as much as he had adored her. But these thoughts still pierced too deeply. Finally he bowed his head and turned from the grave, the years had passed. And yet, four years was all that he had been given to love her. And he had wasted the last decade in self exile, robbing him of time with his other children and his wife.
He fled the cemetery, finding the carriage waiting for him where he had left it. He demanded to be taken to the store. He needed to make Scarlett hear him out. Time was fleeting, and he had already wasted more than he had to waste on regrets.
The store had received a face lift since he had left town. The sign was vibrant, clearly having been freshly painted. And once inside, he was impressed with how much the store had changed. Scarlett had been quick to improve the store once Frank had allowed it, and in the passing years, it had grown and improved. Everything was neatly and attractively arranged to pull in buyers. But he moved swiftly through the building, reminded of his first visit to the store, immediately after he had learned of Scarlett's hurried marriage to Frank Kennedy. She had been lost to him then, and he would not allow her to be lost to him again.
He avoided the questions from the clerk who rushed to help him, clearly unaware of who he was. He waved him off with a questioning glance as he slipped into Scarlett's office. She was bent over a ledger, carefully scratching figures in the margins, her left hand at her temple, her thin fingers deeply rubbing at the spot. He thought of stepping forward and taking over for her, but he knew that he had to allow his skittish kitten to come back to him on her own terms. Watching as worked, completely unaware of his presence, he was reminded again of how slight she was in appearance, and he couldn't help but wonder at what had caused her thinness. He closed the door, barricading them in together, and she turned at the sound of the door latching. "Rhett?" she squeaked at the sight of him leaning against the door casually, all the while aware that he was blocking her only means of escape.
"Scarlett, I came to check on you." He began cordially. "How is the work going?" Rhett prodded gently, a warm smile on his face.
She returned a tentative smile. "Everything seems to be fine with the books. The store has managed to do fairly well over the last several years. It is satisfying to look at the books and know that everything is balanced." She breezed, turning back to the desk and shutting the ledger. Though he had rarely visited the store during their marriage, the financial responsibilities had always been a topic that was easy for them to share.
"Was there a time when it wasn't going so well, Scarlett?" Rhett ventured into possibly dangerous territory. "You can fill me in on what happened in my absence." When she hesitated, he encouraged her, giving no option to not respond.
She glanced at him, resignation in her eyes, and sighed, "During the panic, not long after you left, there were some rough times. They worked themselves out, but there were some lean months." She smoothed at a non existent wrinkle in her skirt. "There really isn't much to tell."
"But Scarlett, that is ridiculous for you to have struggled at all. I was sending you plenty of money." he fumed. "Even if I thought our marriage was broken beyond repair, I still wanted you to have whatever you needed. Well, I didn't want you taking care of Ashley, but I certainly didn't want you to ever worry about money or food. I would have sent more if you had ever let me know that you were wanting for anything." He moved towards her, pulling a barrel up the desk and perching on it, so that they were face to face. "I've changed, and I'm here to prove that you can trust me to be here for you now." He tried to grab one of her hands, but she pulled away from him.
"You told me that all you had left for me was pity." she tossed at him angrily. "What was I supposed to do? Just take the money that you were giving me? You know I hate being pitied!" she spat the word as though it was food rotting in her mouth. "It was prideful of me, I'm sure. But I didn't want you to think that I was taking advantage of you. If I couldn't have all of you, after throwing myself at your head, I wanted nothing from you. There were lean times, but I made sure that the children never went without. I would have made myself a small loan out of the money if there was even a chance of the children going hungry. I would never in a million years allow Ella to go through what I was powerless to protect Wade from. And I tried to save Wade from that, I went without so he had a little bit more. There wasn't money for any of the extras for a while, but I've survived worse. I sold the land by five points at a loss when money got more tight than I was comfortable with." Scarlett assured him, moving her hands back to the desk to fidget, carefully tidying all of the items on the surface. Even in her impassioned speech, there was still a detachment that he wasn't quite able to breech. He wanted to see her passion, it had always been one of the most fascinating things about her.
He reached out a hand and stilled hers. "I am sorry, Scarlett." He pulled his hand up and turned her chin towards him. "I made such a mistake in leaving you for so long. I did need to leave, at least for a little while. I was drowning in my grief, but then I started realizing the mistakes that I had made, and I was ashamed to face you. And I had said such terrible things to you, such blatant lies. I was a coward to wait even a fraction of the time I ended up waiting."
She lifted her eyes to him, and there were tears shimmering along the surface. Anger and fear intermingling, but he was certain that he could see hope within her eyes, just a faint glimmer, but he held on despite the words that followed. "I can't do this, Rhett. I'm finally at peace. You went searching for charm and grace, and instead I think I was eventually the one to find it, right here where you left me. I don't want to return to the fighting and hostility. I don't want you back in my life if it means that I can't have that peace. I won't give up that peace with my children. They are the one thing in my life that I've learned to count on, despite the fact that I never wanted them to begin with. They are the greatest thing in my life."
He nodded, and pulled her hand to place it on his chest. "I don't want to fight either. But I also don't want you to be a shadow of yourself. Scarlett, you look like you're starving to death. Even after your accident you weren't this thin. What illness was Ella talking about?"
Her eyes snapped to his face, pulling her hand from his grasp. "What on earth? What was Ella thinking talking to you about me being ill?"
"I don't think that she meant to tell me, although apparently she did try to contact me through my mother, but I must have been traveling at the time." Rhett offered, attempting to soften the betrayal that Scarlett was feeling from her daughter.
She bit her lip and nodded at him in resignation. "I guess it doesn't matter if I tell you or not, but I'm tired of secrets. A few years after you left, I received word that my grandfather Robillard was dying and requesting to see me. Even though he had paid me no attention since long before the war, apparently he had been keeping tabs on me through my aunts. So I went to Savannah to see him. He offered me his estate if I would stay with him,and I agreed. It would have been heartless of me to let him die alone. And it wasn't long until he passed, and I returned home. I hadn't been home long, maybe even only a few hours when I started feeling ill. I don't remember much about it, since I developed a high fever. It was apparently touch and go for a while, but I don't remember anything but the nightmares." She stopped, shutting down her features again. "There was an epidemic of yellow fever in Savannah at the time, and I wasn't aware of it. That wasn't what grandfather passed from, but several of his servants did after I left." She tucked a stray hair behind her hair nervously, "but I survived. So you don't need to worry yourself."
"Then why are you still so thin? That was years ago. This isn't fashionable thinness, Scarlett. You've sewn ruffles in your undergarments like a young girl just being presented to society, pretending to be a woman. This is how you looked after the siege when you had nothing to eat. What aren't you telling me?'
She sighed, "the sickness weakened me. There was an outbreak of Scarlet fever this winter, and I'm still recovering from it." She smiled, "ironic that I was almost done in by my own namesake."
"Why didn't you send for me? I would have come." he returned.
""Would you have, though?" She retorted fiercely. "For all I knew, you were deceased. The only form of communication was a monthly check, which I deposited back into an account for you. You didn't send birthday cards or gifts or anything at Christmas. You seem to think that you can waltz back into our lives, and we will welcome you back like you never left." She rose from her seat, for a moment able to look down on him. "And not for the first time, but I'm so dreadfully sorry that I didn't call you when I was in a delirium. How incredibly rude of me not to be dragging my feverish body through the streets of Atlanta to send you a telegram, begging you to come when you had already made it abundantly clear that you cared nothing for me, let alone the fact that I had no idea where you were. You asked to be left alone, and I tried to respect your wishes to prove that I did love you. The children begged me to contact you over the first few years, but eventually your disinterest convinced them that they weren't worth your time or interest." She responded hotly. "I'm surprised that your mother didn't hear about my illness from my aunts."
"My mother passed away this winter while I was traveling. If that was when Ella tried to contact me, there is a good reason that I did not receive word." Rhett offered. "You're the only family I have left."
She stared at him incredulously for a moment, "I am sorry, Rhett. My condolences. I only met your mother the one time, but that time was such a blur." There was an unspoken acknowledgement of the days after Bonnie's death, when family came and everything had been as bad as it possibly could have been. "She was so kind to me while she was here. The children adored having a grandmother."
"She remembered you fondly to the end. She was constantly at me to reconcile with you. It is one of the reasons that I traveled so much. My mother thought that I was a fool for leaving you, and she didn't hesitate to tell me." He allowed himself a moment to gather himself. "Mother passed from Scarlet Fever, and I thought it terribly ironic that it was mother who passed from it, when I was the one disease ridden by my longing for you."
The hurt was clear in her eyes. "Am I really such a disease?" She rubbed at her temples again, "I see that we are still at an impasse." She winced as she opened her eyes to look at him again. "Nothing has changed, Rhett. We are just both more tired than we were a decade ago."
"You're wrong, Scarlett. I have changed." he replied. But then he couldn't help but be encouraged by her words, "If nothing has changed, then does that mean you still love me?"
"It doesn't matter." she sighed in resignation, her shoulders slumping in defeat. "Even if I do still love you, I don't have the energy to fight for you anymore. You succeeded. You waited long enough for me to give up." There was something broken in her tone. "Can I just go home? I've got a headache building, and I need to lay down." She looked desperately sad. "I am sorry, Rhett. I wish things were different." With that she pushed past him, and she hurried to the front of the store, passing Ella who had just arrived from running her errands, to find the carriage waiting for Rhett. She took it, and asked the driver to hurry home.