Darkness. Darkness. Darkness again. How long had passed since he saw anything else around him? Days? Weeks? Months? That feeling despite being so prolonged continued to be damn oppressive, he just couldn't get used to it. Loneliness gripped him more and more every minute, yet what was the point of trying to fight it? He no longer had anything waiting for him in the world of the living. Was he finally dead? Probably not... He barely remembered the fight with Azazel, that demon for which he had unleashed hell on Earth, for the sole purpose of freeing it from the curse of the Devil's Gene. He saw himself running towards the monster, surrounded by a purplish aura that deflected every blow of him, as he ran to throw himself against it and pierce its chest with a powerful punch. Then the fall in that glimpse and finally nothingness.
Something in his mind told him that more had happened afterwards, too, but he couldn't recall any memories whatsoever. If so, he'd failed his plan miserably. He wanted to die, self-destruct for the greater good, not save himself! He was supposed to vanish from the face of the Earth, taking with him the burden of his curse and making his despicable father a mere mortal, easily resisted without demonic powers. He expected to end up burning in hellfire, not groping in the dark. He knew he was still alive and it was unbearable. Where did he go wrong? Why had he survived?
"Because it takes more to kill me, my dear!" chuckled sadistically the usual infernal voice that had ruined his existence. He definitely wasn't dead.
"I swear to God I'll find a way to take you out, Devil!" the boy growled, clenching his fists until his knuckles turned white.
"Oh really? Enlighten me, how do you plan to do it? If I'm not mistaken you failed miserably and threw the world into chaos last time you tried!"
"You...How can you still be alive?" he bellowed ferociously.
"Because your assumptions were completely wrong, kid! I gave birth to Azazel, not the other way around. He was the one who depended on me and destroying him didn't hurt me at all. I'm as old as the Earth!"
Jin felt the retching back up his throat. He wanted to throw up all his disgust, but he had nothing in his stomach. The anger he felt at that moment was indescribable, however he was aware that doing so would only increase the influence the Devil had on him. He had to distract himself somehow and not let it take the upper hand!
"You will get what you deserve..."
"I'm already shaking, deluded little one!"
The young man tried to calm his nerves and sat down on that sort of obsidian floor, which didn't have a precise consistency. Indeed, he didn't even know if he was floating in the air or the dreamlike dimension in which he was in was even vaguely consistent. He had to distract himself at all costs, or he would go insane with obviously disastrous consequences. He had spent years of his life after his mother's death fighting against his worst enemy, the part of himself possessed by the Devil Gene that made him exactly like Jun Kazama had always told him not to be. Jun...If she only had been with him forever, watching over him and protecting him all these disasters would never have happened: his heart would have remained pure and innocent like her, he would never have known betrayal by the hand of his bastard grandfather and removed the seal that enclosed his eternal damnation. If Ogre hadn't taken her away from him he would have lived a normal and peaceful life, he would never have joined that damned tournament, he would never have wanted to kill his family, he would have never started a war, he would never have...
That flow of messy thoughts stopped when he realized that if just one of those things hadn't happened, he would never, ever have the chance to have Nina in his life. Nina, that beautiful assasin with icy eyes and breathtaking beauty, whom he had loved so much was still in love with. Who knows where she was now? Was she okay? Had she recovered? A vise gripped his heart as he wondered if she'd already replaced him with someone else. He knew that their love was sincere and deep, above all because it was born from two people who had had to face an atrocious past and this had made them more united than ever. Yet a brilliant and special woman like her deserved better than a young man with a damned soul. A young man raised in innocence, then brutally snatched from it by a cruel fate, who only dreamed of growing up, studying, working, maybe becoming someone, but living a quiet life next to a special person. He would have had none of this.
He was pissed and furious with himself for failing his plan that seemed perfect. Perhaps he even facilitated his father Kazuya's evil purposes by eliminating himself along with a far more difficult obstacle.
Kazuya... How could a such kind-hearted human being, so immaculate in spirit as his mother have anything to do with the devil himself? No matter how physically similar they were, he had nothing to do with his father. He probably made Jun suffer, maybe he was conceived against her own will...He wasn't sure. He had never been told much about his father, and he knew it was just for his own good. Last, but not least, that worm had hurt his beloved Nina as well. Although it had happened before he was born, he had forced her as the most insignificant of guinea pigs to an experiment that had led her to give birth to a child she never wanted. He used her in a revolting way, also causing her a very bad memory loss when she woke up, reducing her as an empty shell. Without remorse, without the slightest shred of humanity.
He had always admired his beloved for the strong and determined character she always sported, even in the most difficult situations. Her glacial temperament and nerves of steel had helped her build a reputation as an infallible killer and an extraordinary combatant, he had seen her fight and rout opponents much larger and more experienced than her with relative ease, he had been mesmerized by her elegant and lethal style... That's why he decided to have her as a bodyguard at all costs. He would never have thought that she would become the most important person of all and that she loved him to such an extent as to satisfy his craziest desire. How much did he make her suffer? He had asked her selfishly never to forget him during the last evening spent together. He would never have been able to bear the fact that her memory vanished from her mind, being the only good thing her life had gotten since her mother's death. Yet in his heart he knew that he no longer had the right to expect that she would not start a new life, despite her very poor attitude to socialize. He smiled bitterly recalling a series of memories of conversations he had with her...
"Wow, so moving!" the blonde commented sarcastically, turning off the TV and yawning bored.
"What?" he asked, distractedly, peering into the horizon from the huge window of his studio.
"The usual junk that goes on television. Soap operas where he falls madly in love with her and vice versa and after a thousand adventures they manage to be together. Pathetic and banal." she replied, getting up to pour herself a cup of tea.
"I agree..." replied his boss.
He wondered casually if her icy, stoic bodyguard had ever felt affection for anyone other than her father. Maybe just her mother.
"As if happiness really existed. All illusions..." she added immediately afterwards.
"The world we live in is too corrupt and perverse for happiness to exist and spread. The falsehood of the human race prevents it, but people prefer to delude themselves and believe the opposite."
Nina raised an eyebrow intrigued by those words.
"Since when are you so optimistic?" she asked sarcastically, taking a sip of the drink.
"Never been. When did you become so pessimistic?"
"Never been. I'm realistic, it's different! Sooner or later happiness disappears in a cloud of smoke and people who watch that crap on TV will be the first to suffer from their ignorance! Life is a traitor!"
Those words were so hard that Jin was surprised. He knew very little about the past of the assasina, marked by the untimely death of his father, then his mother and the eternal conflict with his sister. But was that all he despised life for?
"Have you ever been betrayed?" Jin suddenly asked.
He didn't know why he asked her that questionn it simply escaped from his lips. And now he was curious to know the answer. Nina looked at him perplexed, but within seconds she recovered her usual composure.
"I think my sister played a huge trick on me 20 years ago. And now working for your father doesn't sound like altruism, nor professionalism... That bitch..."
"I gotta say that you have your own way of expressing your affection to your sister." Jin sarcastically commented, with a chuckle.
"It is the truth. False, envious and incredibly easy! A dumb minx constantly in need of attention and whatever else others had. From clothes to boyfriend..."
How, how, how? Boyfriend? Did he hear right?
"I mean, are you saying that Anna..."
"Yes!" she replied annoyed.
"I can figure out how it ended..." he muttered.
"Well..." the blonde chuckled, a sadistic smile that didn't promise anything good.
"What?" Jin pressed, not really sure he wanted to know the rest.
"Anna found herself in her underwear for a whole morning at school, as DISGRACEFULLY superglue was spread on her chair that had torn her skirt when she tryed to stand up. In addition to her favorite clothes burned once she got home. He ended up in the hospital with a broken kneecap instead."
"Broken kneecap? And no one scolded you?"
"No one can scold you if the other says he fell down the stairs. Bones must be broken with method and precision!" The blonde replied sweetly, sitting in the chair in front of his desk, always with her sadistic smile on her lips. "Anyway that fool was yet another proof that love is a rip-off. Happiness? Likewise! It's an enemy! It weakens you! Insinuate doubts in your mind... If you are happy you will always have something to lose..."
As usual Nina was right. They had found happiness together, touched the sky with a finger and discovered how beautiful it was to be loved... Only to become more and more vulnerable, to lower their guard and finally lose everything. She never wanted to fall in love, and yet she had and now she was surely paying the price for that action she should never have done. But did it make sense to hate each other for making someone happy and making them happy? Surely they both lost. He sighed deeply, hoping wholeheartedly that she was truly leading a better life, far from trouble, danger and despair. He prayed with all his heart that he, Jin Kazama, could give happiness enough for a lifetime to the woman who deserved it most in the world...
Author's note: chapter's name and final quote straight outta "Rush", one of my fave movie ever (miss you Niki). Needless to say that I find it incredibly true and I think it fits them.