"Is this snow? Some kind of condensed milk on snow?"
"I think it's whipped cream?"
"Whipped cream is tasteless and empty, this actually has flavor!"
"Is it blood? It looks like blood."
"It's obviously strawberry, you idiot, they said so!"
"Oooh, right… that makes more sense."
"How do they get it like this? Shouldn't it be frozen into a block?"
"Ah! My head, my head, it hurts so much…!"
"Then stop eating it!"
"Can't… too good… oh, my head…"
Imariel tried not to look prideful at all her lady's guest's being so impressed with the ice-cream. While she had, of course, informed them that the food had been invented by her ladyship's squire Lady Katarina, they were all currently too enamored with the new food, and in some cases nursing a severe cold headache, to worry about proper attribution.
Humming to herself, the maid finished moving the remains of the last batch of ice-cream from the magic pot and into the metal tray, and set it on the container of ice to keep it cool it was a strange ice that made no water when it melted, created by Lord… uh, what was his name? The handsome one that made her brains turn to mush and dribble out her ears… Well, he was a friend of her ladyship's, at least.
She took the jug that contained the pre-mixed ice-cream custard from the kitchen, and poured it and the next one into the magic pot, sealing it as she had been instructed and operating the strange and arcane controls. Inside, there was a strange sound and a burst of heat as the magic pot began making the wonderful magic food…
Turning back up, Imariel smiled and began refilling a proffered bowl as another of her ladyship's guests came forward, pink cream staining their mustache. Thank goodness she knew that there was a batch of mix in the kitchen held in reserve for dinner that night and that her ladyship was generous to her staff, else she'd have despaired about not getting a taste of the delectable sweet creaminess…
"Your mother is a hamster and your father smells of elderberries!" Larna Smith proclaimed as Rafael dragged her away.
"You're a plagiarizing hacker, you griefer!" Matthew Romani shot back ancient insults most vile, even as she was held back by Maria to keep her from going after the magic tool artisan.
Katarina sighed. "Really cousin Mashu, did you have to cause a public scene?"
Everyone who knew her checked the sun to make sure it hadn't turned black and that the world wasn't ending again as they tried to reconcile the fact that Katarina was chiding someone for making a scene with her being… well, Katarina.
Lady Matthew blushed, and Maria deemed it safe to finally let her. go. "I had to defend my mother's honor!" she proclaimed.
Hexes. Now Maria couldn't even passive-aggressively be snide at her.
"But you could have ruined Lady Maria's part," Katarina chided. "It's her first party too, what if she develops a bad reputation because of this and no one wants to come to her parties afterward? I read about this is… in romance novels! And 'The Noble's Proper Etiquette Reference and Manual of Propriety and Action, seventh edition'." A pause. "All right, I'll be honest, I didn't actually remember reading it, but I'm sure it's there! I do remember thinking it seemed very rude and mean. Why do that to the person throwing the party and not the person making the scene? But it applies!"
…
SHE HAD THE BEST SQUIRE EVER—!
Ow!
"Ow," Maria said, rubbing her head and glaring at Sophia.
"You were starting to get a 'falling in love with Lady Katarina' look on your face," Sophia said, the thick book she'd hit Maria with still in her hands. "Did I get you in ti— yup, I was in time." She nodded in satisfaction as a horrified expression came over Maria at how close she'd come to unspeakable horror.
"Eh?" Katarina said. "Someone say my name?"
"Nothing, we were just talking business taxes," Maria said quickly.
"Oh, okay, then, sorry for interrupting…!" Katarina said hastily. Such was their terrifying power than even Katarina did not want to get involved with taxes. "Say, why don't we all get some more I Scream?"
"You'll have to pardon me, I need to find my fiancé," Maria said.
"Oh… well, see you later then, Lady Maria-chan!"
Maria nodded graciously and went off to find her fiancé and… well, probably not ravish him on the spot, but at least get him to try to get that near-miss disturbing thought out of her mind.
"See?" she heard Katarina say behind her. "She's obviously embarrassed. You're going to have to find some way to make it up to her, cousin Mashu."
Maria's steps moved faster as she reminded herself that while she had the best squire ever, that squire had the mind of a child…
A Rafael Interlude
Rafael sighed. "Could you try not to insult Maria's friends," he said, annoyed. "She's very close to Lady Romani, don't make things awkward for her. Besides, why are you insulting young woman in place of their mothers, anyway?"
"But Rafael—!" Larna whined.
"Are you whining? You're a grown woman, stop whining!" Rafael huffed. "I can't tell Maria to not invite you next time, but you'd better start drafting a letter of apology to Lady Romani. She doesn't deserve what you said about her. If you're going to have a rivalry with her mother, have the good grace not to involve anyone else in it, understood?"
"You're not my father," Larna grumbled.
"Um, excuse me?"
The two paused and turned. A bright-eyed, dark-haired young woman stood there, smiling innocently, looking vaguely familiar…
"Ah, how may I help you Vice-Head Clerk Landoor?" Rafael said, trying to act like he didn't have his hand pinching a woman's ear like they were an unruly child.
"I was wondering if I may speak with Larna Smith?" Fray said. Smile, smile. "If you're done with her?" Eyelashes fluttered innocently.
Rafael gave Larna a flat look. "Yes, I'm done. I'm glad we had this talk, Miss Smith."
"Try jumping, Vice-Director Walt," Laran said sweetly.
He gave her a withering look. "Remember what I said. You better—"
"Rafael, I need you," Maria said, suddenly just there. Her face was tense, her jaw clenched.
"What do you need?" Rafael asked, suddenly focusing on her completely.
"You."
Rafael paused as Fray and Larna Smith's eyebrows went up. "Uh, Maria, don't you have a party—"
"Sophia said I had a 'falling in love with Katarina' look on my face," Maria said.
The world seemed to tilt under him as Rafael realized the worst nightmare he'd been in denial about but had simmered in the abyss of his Dark Soul stood before him.
I'll have to kill her, a voice that sounded disturbingly like both that woman and the Dark Spirit that had possessed him whispered through his mind. She can't have Maria! Anyone but Maria!
Two years ago, he might have done something unfortunate. However, ever since he'd left the Academy, he'd been working at the Ministry. Not only that, he'd worked in the Magic Tool Laboratory under Larna Smith back when she'd been the Director. As such, he had gotten used to ignoring urges to kill people.
Still, it felt vaguely nostalgic to want Katarina dead… like it had been back in the Academy when he'd met Maria…
No, no, no nostalgia, priorities!
Rafael reached up and nearly cruelly grabbed Maria's lapels before he restrained himself. He moved to gently lay his hands on her shoulders—
Maria growled, leaning towards him—
He flicked her nose, making her blink in surprise.
"All right," he said softly and evenly. "First, we tell people we're out of custard for ice-cream. That will get most people restless enough to leave, and I'll tell Ghirardeli to stop bringing out food. You be a hostess and stay away from Katarina, occupy yourself with work. get the party to end as soon as possible without making it obvious you're kicking your guests out."
"Rafael—" Maria growled again.
He leaned towards her ear. "Then, as soon as everyone is gone, we go to our room—" their room, he realized he'd said. Not just Maria's room anymore. Their room "—skip dinner… and I ravish you."
He was going to pretend Larna and Fray didn't hear a word of that, even as he saw their eyebrows climb even higher.
—and Maria had gone very stiff under his hands. Wasn't he the one supposed to do that? a part of him that sounded like Sophia thought.
Slowly, Maria's hands rose and gently… gently… cupped his face. She stood on tiptoe and pressed a light, delicate kiss on his lips, which… alright, that was surprising. He thought she'd—
"I'll hold you to that," she whispered into his ear. Then she turned away smoothly, humming a tune.
…
Well, he'd committed himself.
Now, how was he going to deal with Sadako…?
"Rafael."
Rafael blinked, looking towards Larna Smith.
"I'm going to tell the Director you won't be at work tomorrow," Larna said, face smooth but eyes twinkling.
Rafael frowned. "That won't be—"
A hand came down on his shoulder. He looked at it, followed the arm it was attached to, reached Larna's face.
"Rafael," Larna said, tone serious, face still smooth, but her eyes… Rafael felt they should have glowing crimson with the power of the Abyss. "I'm going to tell the Director you won't be at work tomorrow."
Rafael opened his mouth to protest. He didn't need it, he—
"Do my paperwork," he said.
She grinned, gave him a thumbs up. "Got it boss."
"… thanks."
"Oh dear!" Maria's voice said, somehow carrying. "We're out of mix for ice-cream! How terrible!"