AN: Shorter chapter here but trust me, I make up for it in spades throughout the story. Hope you're enjoying the fic so far and just know we're going to be getting into the heavy of Angela's ancestry after this chapter.
The realization of my sexuality was nearly as difficult to accept as my being a Witch. Which is to say, I was pretty okay with it after I had time to truly cry my anxiety out into my grandmother's pillow. It wasn't even really the fact that I was now pretty sure I was gay. It was more the fact that I was crushing on a girl who I considered to be one of my best friends, despite the short amount of time we'd known each other. My straight best friend!
When I couldn't think of what to do next, I did what I had made a habit of doing and reached for my grandmother's journal. Sure enough, the pages had expanded to incorporate more information, though the subject matter had my face as red as it could get with my complexion.
I am not sure if you will ever attain these pages, but if you have uncovered my words here then I apologize for the sensitivity of the topic.
Witches are very loving beings. It is in our nature to embrace all the facets of the energies of our bodies and the world around us. This includes all of the emotions of the 'human' experience, yet with all things relating to witchcraft, you will find that the feelings we experience are heightened to a much stronger degree than what you felt before your Awakening.
Love is our most powerful emotion, and I must assume by your reading this entry that you have tasted the burn of attraction to another. And I will also hazard a guess that it is to a woman.
I blinked, gaping once again - as I often find myself doing when reading the journal - at the words before me. There was no way she could have known about my sexuality when I had barely had time to come to terms with it myself!
You're no doubt wondering why it is I know your paramour-to-be is a woman, and the simple answer is this: Like attracts like. The females of our family have often found love and comfort in the arms of the fairer sex. We can, and often do, join with men, but our energies mesh so much better with other females, especially other Witches or supernaturals.
I had to look away from the journal for a moment, my mind racing. So the Witches of my family were drawn to women over men? Then why did my mother marry my dad so young?
Your mother held those same predilections up until she had me take her magick from her. After meeting your father and having him fill her head with the lies of his religion, she came to hate her desires. She fought to suppress them, lashing out at me for passing on such 'sinful' thoughts. I really should have realized earlier just how much her mind was being poisoned against me.
You are destined for greatness, remember that. You will know your mate when you meet them, but choose wisely whether you invite them into your new world, for she will never again leave it. I only hope you choose to follow your heart, for it will never lead you astray. Once you've unlocked the final tome, you will understand how interconnected your destiny will be bound to your mate. That is all I can say on the subject for now, but I trust your instincts will guide you.
Stay true to your heart.
I was kind of glad that section was so short because I don't think my face could flush any more than it was.
I glanced at the final book she'd given me. I kept it propped up on the mantle of the hearth, a visual reminder of my goal. While it remained blank, I had the feeling I was getting closer to unlocking its pages. I just needed to buckle down and redouble my efforts. My training was coming along well, both in my magickal studies and the toning of my body. I was now lean, a slight bit of muscle dotting my arms, legs, and abdomen from my daily exercise routine. Sometimes I even convinced myself that I would catch Bella staring, but I knew that was just wishful thinking.
Despite my budding feelings for my best friend, I needed to make sure I remained focused on what was important. I wanted more than anything to grow in my abilities and make my grandmother proud. So what if Bella's laugh could make my stomach flutter with butterflies, or that her smile could brighten any room she occupied. So what if her quiet voice slithered its way into my thoughts and haunted my dreams.
I'm so screwed.
Witches are definitely an emotional species, my grandma hadn't been understating that by any measure, as I was coming to understand that more and more each day. I laughed more freely and openly, but I was also quick to anger; I grumbled in discontent when being forced to participate in my academic studies, but worse than anything was the jealousy. The gods of my ancestors! Day by day, I felt my connection to Bella straining under the weight of jealousy as Bella continued to spurn our table of friends to spend her meal hour with him.
Stupid fucking pretty-boy and his ridiculous sex-hair. I sighed irritably as I picked at my food, hungry but feeling my appetite slip away the more I listened in on their conversation. I couldn't seem to help myself now; Bella's voice was a growing addiction and I needed to hear every syllable that slipped out from between those lovely lips in that dulcet tone of hers.
You wanna know the most annoying thing? I had to appreciate the asshole because he was the reason Bella wasn't squashed beneath Tyler's stupid van. The moment I'd seen the van barreling towards that beautifully ignorant brunette, my heart had seized in my chest. I was moments away from blowing my cover and summoning up every ounce of magick I could to stop the van myself. I wasn't fast enough, of course, and it wasn't until I saw Bella being cradled in Edward's arms in-between the van and her truck that I was able to breathe again.
The fact that Edward had risked exposing his own secrets said a lot about him and his feelings for Bella, and that understanding grated on my nerves because...dammit, I needed to hate that pretty bastard! He had the attention of the first girl I had ever loved and dammit, jealousy tasted bitter on the tongue.
Fortunately, this did lead Bella to start asking certain questions about Edward and his family. I was getting good at tuning in to the voices of others using my enhancement spells, so the day that Bella walked into the woods with Edward during school, I followed at a safe distance. This gave me a chance to test one of the newer spells I'd learned, one to cloak my presence.
Once behind the cover of trees, I once again centered myself and called up my magick. Holding my arms out at my sides, I thrust my palms towards the ground and spoke my word of invocation. "Siopí!" To any of the vampires within hearing distance, the word wouldn't make any sense, even if they somehow understood ancient Greek, but for me it meant power.
I could feel a warm wave of energy slithered up my body, starting at my feet and raising goosebumps across my body until it tapered off at my head. I should now be completely silent and practically invisible to the naked eye, and the rush that always came with successfully casting a spell hit me with a bout of giddiness. I nearly forgot my goal, my senses tuning in to the sound of Edward talking.
I was rushing silently through the woods until I found the two nearly a quarter-mile deep into the forest surrounding the school. It wasn't long before I picked up on their voices, bringing the wound-be couple into my line of sight again.
"I know what you are," Bella whispered as Edward approached her slowly from behind. I felt my energy rising up, my magick charging the air around me with intent the closer he came to her. How Bella could keep her back to him, an apex predator, was something I would never understand about the girl.
"Then say it," Edward replied in that warm yet condescending tone of his. I'd once felt drawn in by him and his family just as the rest of the town had at one time or another, but since my Awakening I'd found their allure superficial at best.
"Out loud!" Not gonna lie, I nearly lashed out at his aggressive tone, but I managed to keep myself hidden. I couldn't reveal my own abilities while I was still so new to everything. I didn't even know if I would be able to protect Bella if it came down to it, but I felt better being close by.
"V-Vampire," she muttered, voice stumbling over the word, and my heart felt like it was going to burst out of my chest as she carelessly outed the entire Cullen clan in one breath. What would Edward do? Would he try to kill her, silence her? They were alone out here, no one would be the wiser. I was preparing to rush to her side and make my presence known when he continued questioning her.
"Are you afraid?" he asked, bringing a shudder to the girl who seemed to belatedly understand that she had a powerful creature at her back. But when she turned those soulful, beautiful eyes on Edward, the look of longing I saw there damn near caused my heart to stop.
"No," she returned, voice strong as she met his amber-hued gaze.
"Then ask me the most basic question: What do we eat?" Was he trying to scare Bella away? That thought brought a dim light of hope back to my chest that Bella quickly squashed with her next words.
"You won't hurt me." Even at a distance I could hear the shaky confidence in her voice, and it turned the butterflies to ash in my stomach. I couldn't take anymore, I had to get out of there, but the moment the thought crossed my mind Edward began dragging Bella away, saying something about taking her up the mountain. I was all geared up to rush to her rescue when he lifted her effortlessly onto his back and in the next second he was gone with the soft sound of rustling underbrush.
I blinked at the spot where they'd just been, my heart hammering away in my chest. What do I do?! There was no way I could go after them. He was impossibly fast and I hadn't progressed to strengthening enhancement spells yet. I could try to track them by smell, but I was still getting used to distinguishing different scents from each other. Should I scream after them?
By the time I thought to utter a word, the sound of Edward's movements were long gone from my enhanced hearing. They had to be miles away by now and that was terrifying. There was nothing I could do but return to school and hope I hadn't just lost the young woman who had taken up residence in my heart.
Fortunately for my quickly devolving sanity, Bella returned unharmed. Unfortunately for my breaking heart, it was to the announcement that she and Edward were now official. I don't know what happened up on that mountain, but when they returned, Bella had stars in her eyes. The fact that she reeked of Edward's intensely sweet odor had my nails digging into my palms.
Why I was so drawn to the girl was beyond me at this point. It hadn't passed my notice that I was growing pretty damn obsessive over the brunette beauty. Even while training my magick and exercising my body, she was never far from my thoughts. Meanwhile, I was relegated to the backseat as the little pixie vampire had claimed the rights to 'best friend' status. And I felt powerless to intervene as the girl I was head-over-heels for slowly integrated herself with a family of vampires.
And so I threw myself into my studies, both academic and magickal. My skills continued to increase by leaps and bounds, while more and more pages of my books revealed themselves to me. I ignored the talk, the rumors, I even began tuning out Bella's sweet voice unless she was talking directly to me. I couldn't keep feeding my growing obsession with the girl, and if that meant throwing myself into my magickal exploration then so be it.
Bella disappeared near the middle of March for several days, returning with her leg in a walk-assist boot and healing cuts and scrapes all over her face and arms. I saw red the moment I laid eyes on her, and I nearly threw all of my hard work out the window and set the entire Cullen clan on fire right there in the parking lot. I'd become very proficient in fire magick, which may or may not have anything to do with reading that Vampires were basically only weak to fire.
Luckily I was able to reign in my raging emotions enough to focus on Bella and the hesitant smile she was sending me. She said something to Edward but I wasn't listening in as had become habit, and he leaned down to kiss her cheek before releasing her. She limped her way over to me after that on a pair of crutches and my heart swelled as she approached me. I couldn't help but notice her wince of pain and I resolved to do what I could to alleviate that pain.
Healing magick was not heavily covered in my current materials, but I knew of a few spells that I should be able to subtly cast on her without her realizing it that, at the very least, will take away some of her pain. I only wish I had taken time to study more on the subject but I hadn't thought I would need it so soon.
"Hey, Ang," Bella called out as soon as she was close.
"Hey, stranger," I returned, a smile firmly in place. I leaned in careful and pulled Bella into a hug, and while she hesitantly returned the gesture, I pulled up my energy poured it into my palms that were braced around her back.
I quietly whispered my spell into her hair, "Thera." When Bella questioned what I said, I just replied, "Wanna tell me what you did to maim yourself this time?" I was only half listening to the excuse she came up with, something about falling down some stairs and through a window, all the while I was focusing my energy deep into her aura and into the mending bones. It wouldn't heal it overnight, but the spell should increase her rate of healing substantially and alleviate at least some of her pain. What I found strange was the way her body seemed to soak up my energy like a sponge, almost making me lose control of the spell before reaffirming my focus.
"Sounds like you fell hard," I couldn't help but respond when I pulled away, the double entendre unintentional but meant all the same. Bella had practically swooned into Edward's arms overnight, despite the fact that she knew what he was. Maybe she was just a danger magnet? Or did she find some thrill in baiting dangerous animals? Maybe if I showed off just how powerful I had become...
Bella grimaced and scratched at the back of neck. "Yeah, something like that. But I'm okay, Carlisle - Edward's dad, Dr. Cullen? - patched me up no problem. This stupid boot is bloody annoying, though."
Smirking, I had to roll my eyes, though I doubt she knew why I made the gesture. "Well, maybe in the future you'll stick to elevators. You have enough trouble walking across a perfectly flat surface, no need to tempt fate by going vertical."
She nodded, and there was that blinding smile of hers that I swear could still make me swoon every time. Unfortunately, Edward came over about that time while the rest of his family made their way into the school. I hadn't even heard the bell ring, but the moment Edward was by Bella's side I had to resist the urge to spell him. His arm wrapping around Bella's waist had anger rumbling up in my chest but I swallowed it down at the adoring smile that graced Bella's lips at his arrival.
"Come on, love," he murmured in that melodic tone his kind seem to possess, "We need to get to your locker to get your books for the day." Left unsaid was the fact that he planned to escort her to and from those classes, which had become routine by now. Chivalrous bastard. Yeah, I was awash with jealousy, but at least my vernacular was becoming more colorful by the day. When you can literally hear teachers and students alike bitching from anywhere in the school, you learned a few choice words.
"I'll see you later, Ang," Bella said, and because I couldn't help myself I leaned in for another hug that pulled Bella out of Edward's arms, which I counted as a bonus.
"Catch ya later, Bella." I watched her go with a smile, though it quickly faded the moment she turned away. It was getting harder and harder to pretend in front of her lately. I had half a year left to unlock the final book my grandmother had left me and I felt no closer to those revelations than when I began. Between those worries and my unrequited feelings for Bella only growing worse, I was quickly feeling worn out from all the stress.
Prom came upon the students of Forks High, with me ignoring the hints being dropped by Ben who obviously wanted to take me but didn't have the courage to outright ask. Nothing could pierce the veil I'd layered around my emotions, not the student body, not the Cullens, not even Bella's beautiful eyes as she asked me if I was going to the prom. I shrugged her questions off, murmuring some excuse I was sure she hadn't bothered to really hear since Edward was nearby.
"I'm sure someone will ask you," she was saying, and I nearly rolled my eyes.
"The one person I would go with will never ask me," I replied in as close to honestly as I'd gotten to admitting my feelings. Unfortunately, I also followed the statement up by glancing at Ben who was chatting up Mike, before rolling my eyes over his less-than-subtle glances he'd been stealing at me.
"Well, why do you ask him yourself? Take the lead, be the strong woman I know you are." I couldn't help the ironic smile that lit my lips, resisting the urge to roll my eyes yet again. She had obviously come to the wrong conclusions, but there was no way I was going to bother correcting her. The less she inquired about my love life - or lack thereof - the better. I don't know how I would handle the outright rejection if she ever found out how I felt about her.
"No thanks," I tried to smile reassuringly at her, but I think it fell a little flat since her own gaze seemed to lose some of its flare. "I don't really like dancing, and you know I'm not so much of a socialite as to show up stag."
She seemed to consider my words for a moment before she shrugged. "If that's what you want," she finally accepted, adding, "I just want you to be happy." And gods, if only she knew that she was the question and the answer to my every happiness.
No, I chided myself, do not fall back into that mess. Stay strong and stick to the plan. I had decided that while everyone else was busy at Prom, I was going to be using what I had learned to unveil the final tome my grandmother had left for me, no matter what it took. I was sick and tired of waiting for my destiny to come to me in bits and pieces. I wanted more, I needed more, and if I had to take it then so be it.
And so, that is how I found myself surrounded by candles within a freshly drawn circle in the middle of the living room of my cabin using white chalk I'd found in storage. My grandmother, come to find out, had left me more than a dwelling and some books, but also numerous magickal tools and items of interest. I had everything I would ever need in that little cabin, at least as far as my magickal practices went.
I knelt down in front of the book which I had placed in the center of the circle. I pulled on my energy and sent out a wave of magick to cleanse the space before touching my will concurrent to the line of the circle. With a steady 'push' of my energy, I willed the circle into being.
A sound like the crack of a whip filled the space as the energy of the circle sparked to life around me, a steady hum filling the air as a half-dome of violet-tinted energy solidified around me. Circles were a potent protection and always required for higher energy workings such as rituals or High Magicks. For my purpose, I wanted a clear and protected space for what I planned, and I couldn't chance any outside forces interfering.
Centering myself, I lowered my hands over the book and began to examine its energy the same way I'd learned from Terra's book. There were several layers of energy resonating from the tome, some I could tell were older than others while each one seemed to be equally strong in power. I didn't have the knowledge or prowess to even begin to identify most of the signatures present, but there was only one I was interested in and I had plenty of experience with it from my time spent meditating with the other tomes I'd been studying.
The enchantment hiding away the knowledge of the tome from my sight was one of the most prominent energy signatures, but it was far more generalized than the layered tiers I'd found on the other books. Whatever was hidden here encompassed the whole book. I thought slowly but surely on the text I'd read recently that had led me to my current attempt.
Most Witches will find their own energy insufficient in casting certain spells or magicks and will tap into outside sources to supplement their own reserves. This process of syphoning energy is meant to be used only on sources of natural energy, which is one of the reasons many Witches choose heavily forested areas as their homes or near bodies of water, since the ambient energies contained thereabouts can be plentiful. This skill can also be used to draw energy from the spirits of others, whether they be animal or even humans, though this form of energetic vampirism is advised against by most councils.
That chapter had opened my eyes to so much potential. My magickal core seemed to possess a nearly endless supply of energy, though I had tapped myself out a time or two in the early months of my exploration. Still, syphoning magick had so many potential applications, and today I was going to test one, and yes, I fully realize and accept the irony of vampirising energy when my biggest 'rival' was an actual vampire.
I emptied my hands of energy and placed my palms flat on the book. I could feel the enchantment, my entire being focused on the structure of the spell in its entirety. Taking a deep, steadying breath, I allowed my aura to fill the space around me, coating the enchantment and my hands. The moment I felt the energy within pushing back against my hands, my magick lashed out and pierced it.
I felt it like a chime, the book warming beneath my fingers as I began to 'suck' the energy up my arms and willing it to gather in my core. The energy was slow to respond, though with the exertion of my will I could feel the enchantment beginning to resonate with my aura that was slowly soaking in, pushing in on the outside. I was essentially 'squeezing' the enchantment, combined with the drawing motion of my will, I began to literally suck the life out of the spell.
This idea came about mostly because of my grandmother's warnings about the books' enchantments fading over time. I knew that if I could drain the enchantment of its power, I could unlock its secrets prematurely and be well on my way to embracing my destiny.
Unfortunately, my grandmother was a very powerful Witch and the enchantment was very well fed. The more energy I sapped from it, the more seemed to be left, as if it were also drawing power from elsewhere.
Growing frustrated, I began to feel my concentration shifting. Anger began to tint my aura, pushing my thoughts askew as all of my emotions of the past several months welled up within me. The anger I held for my mother and father for hiding my true nature from me. The frustration I felt at having to tackle my magickal education alone. The fierce rage I felt for Edward-fucking-Cullen. And the soul-shaking pain of knowing I'll never be the one for Bella.
All of those emotions seemed to come to a head, and without thinking about it, I abandoned my previous course of drawing energy out and began to flood the enchantment with every bit of energy I held within my core. It filled quickly, expanding and pushing the bounds of its structure until the very book was vibrating with the potent energy of my rage.
Before long I could feel the enchantment coming apart at its seams, overflowing with the force of my power. The image of Bella's smiling face filled my mind's eye in those final moments, only for her to turn away to him, and with a scream of rage so feral it scared me, I gave one final pulse that shattered the enchantment in one final expulsion of energy that sent me tumbling backwards into the wall of my circle.
The air was crackling with static energy, arches of it physically manifesting across the inner surface of my circle which I was exceptionally grateful for in that moment. There was no telling what that wave of power would have done to the cabin had it been allowed to escape. It wasn't until I was slowly able to force myself into a sitting position that I realized the extent of the damage, several of the floor-boards showing cracks and indentions while other parts held blackened scorch marks.
Fearing what I might find, that I might have completely obliterated the book in my impatience, I was relieved to find the tome still intact. In fact, it hadn't moved from its place in the center of the circle, even as motes of energy seemed to coast around in the air, slowly dissipating into nothing.
It wasn't until I dragged my heavy, drained body over to the book that I saw it.
The Order of Lilitu