AN: This story is an AU that takes place directly after the events of SA2, and does not acknowledge any established Sonic canon beyond SA2. There is no acknowledgement of any event, characterization, or piece of lore that is established as canon in the games past SA2. Chapters are short, slightly episodic, and are tied together by running themes. Toys lightly with the "Shadow may not be the true Ultimate Lifeform" plotline that was abandoned after SA2.
I am the ultimate life. A flawless existence. Nothing is unpredictable to me. Nothing can surprise me.
"I can't maintain my super form!"
"What?!"
"I said I can't-"
Sonic's eyes darted to the corner as he watched his friend falter. Shadow's eyes lost focus and fluttered as his limbs fell limp, his body now rapidly falling as if dragged down by a thousand-pound weight around his ankle.
"Oh no you don't!" Sonic's expression intensified as he reared back, before surging forward like a bolt of lightning, leaving a fiery trail behind him. Not after they'd come this far...he wasn't going to let this happen. He couldn't. The golden aura that hung around Shadow's body flickered like a fluorescent light, fading back to black, as if his body were being swallowed up by the dark void of space itself.
"This is...my promise...I made to you..." The falling hedgehog murmured under his breath, as his consciousness began to drift from him. His senses grew soft, blurry, distant and foggy. A deep and all-consuming stillness took over him, as his vision faded into a slow splash of psychedelic color, twisting fractals, everything and nothing all at once, sunset spilling into dawn incoherently.
"And here's my promise, one I intend to keep," A voice called from somewhere in the dark, somewhere between the cascades of infinity. "I don't let my friends die!"
Shadow's body stopped with a jolt as he felt something tightly gripping his arm. What a strange dream, he thought to himself. He was sure he was having a dream that he was somewhere out in space, above the Earth, dying, losing himself, and someone, something, had just grabbed onto him. Shadow was very sure someone was speaking to him now, but he couldn't make the words out.
"Shadow! Shadow!" The voice called.
Whatever this presence was, the warmth and energy it radiated was wonderful. It put Shadow at ease. He'd always wondered about death. It was something Gerald insisted was an outright impossibility for Shadow- at least as far as natural causes went. So he wondered, in this moment, was it possible that he was dying? Could he die? Could a force strong enough, an impact powerful enough, knock the life out of the Ultimate Lifeform? Just how far could his indestructibility be pushed? Shadow continued to hang suspended in the infinite something-or-other. Could he be caught between life and death? Where was Maria in all of this, he wondered? Was this limbo? Purgatory?
"Hey!"
It was that voice again. It had been speaking, still, but Shadow couldn't make out a thing it said beyond that one sharp call for attention. Not that he could answer, he felt like he weighed as much as the weight pulling him down, and he knew his eyes wouldn't open for even the second coming itself. His arm was still being tugged on, as he was being pulled through something, tossed around by invisible currents. The thick expanses of dark, cosmic, soupy whatever. He couldn't concentrate. It didn't matter where he was or where he was going, he was dead, or close enough to dead that it didn't matter. Perhaps he felt a sense of commitment to this now. He knew about the process, at least. You feel a sense of peace wash over you, everything grows distant, and you see your life flash before your eyes, something along those lines. Close enough, he figured. It's close enough. Bring it on, he thought. Bring on the big sleep.
His neck hurt.
He clenched his eyes, shut tight, inhaling through his nose. Moving his neck one way made it feel worse, the other way less so. It was better if he didn't move it at all. He exhaled, and shifted his shoulders a little, feeling his head hanging at an uncomfortable angle, back up against a wall. That explained the neck pain, at least. How long had he been in this position? The floor was cold underneath him. He lifted his eyelids slowly, heavy as they were, and watched as blurry color slowly pieced itself together into an image. There was a window on the far wall, that peered out into darkness. He shifted his legs and heard metallic scraping under the heels of his shoes.
This looked familiar.
Of course, he thought to himself, inhaling deeply again. Of course. I'm dead. And this is where I was going to go if I died. Paradise would have to be a place of both beginnings and ends, and where I could know no suffering. She should be here, shouldn't she? She should be here. Why wouldn't she be here?
He peered around the room, now unsteadily placing himself on his feet. He winced as he quickly cupped a hand over the sore spot on his neck. She should be here, but...
No suffering? He thought more about it. Doesn't seem right. I can't think of a place where I've suffered more-
"Shadow!"
Like a baseball bat to the back of the head, it snapped Shadow out of his stupor, his body jumping a little as the word smacked into him. Hand on neck, he turned to answer the call. Green eyes at eye-level to Shadow's own gazed in excited bewilderment as a flash of blue rushed over with them. Shadow stumbled, his reflexes rusty.
"You okay? You really scared me back there, you could've been a goner!" Sonic put a hand on Shadow's shoulder, giving it a brotherly squeeze. "Somethin' wrong with your neck?"
"Ah, Shadow's okay?" A woman's voice called.
"That must'a been some fight..." A child's voice? What?
Shadow was speechless for a moment. Had he been asleep, or something? He blinked, mouth slightly agape, as he tried to collect his thoughts. What was it that just happened a moment ago...?
"I'm okay..." he began. He narrowed his poorly-focused eyes, furrowing his brow. "I'm okay. What's going on?"
"We did it, buddy!" Sonic grinned, now giving Shadow's shoulder a jostle. "You were unconscious for a while, guess you couldn't handle your super form too good, huh? No problem, because we did what we had to do!"
Buddy?
A young girl's voice called. "That was so brave, Shadow!" A pink hedgehog trotted up to Shadow's side, peering at him with amazement. "I never imagined you'd do something like that- for the world! But I believed in you, I knew you'd do the right thing!"
"W-Well..."
The click of heels followed behind Amy. "Guess there's a lot more to him than just the packaging, huh?" Rouge quipped, her tone was dry, but alive with sincerity.
"The brilliance of the Robotnik family, of course," Eggman spoke from afar, eyes unreadable behind his dark, round glasses.
Tails typed away on some sort of control panel, calling over his shoulder. "That was totally amazing, you guys! I'm glad you're okay, Shadow...hey, is your neck hurt?"
"He's the Ultimate Lifeform, isn't he?" Knuckles said with a wry smile. "He should be alright. If he could do all that, I'm sure a little crick in the neck won't be too much for him."
Shadow was embarrassed. He wasn't used to being given this much attention and praise. A hero? Him? It just didn't seem right. Between this and the surreal experience he'd just had a few minutes ago, it was a little too much to process all at once.
Sonic bounced back and forth, on the balls of his feet. "So, are you ready to go? We didn't wanna leave while you were still unconscious, but I'm getting a little claustrophobic up here! I like Earth a bit more than space..."
"How long was I unconscious for?" Shadow asked.
"Phew, half an hour or so!" Sonic paused to rub at his nose. "We kinda figured you'd be okay, but it was still a little worrying, you know?"
Half an hour. Felt like he blinked and re-appeared on the ARK in a split second. "...sorry to have kept you waiting," Shadow began, scanning the room and everyone in it. "If you'd like to leave, by all means, do so."
"Great!" Sonic nodded, turning to face the others. "We're headed home, everyone!"
"Good, thought I was gonna go crazy up here. Can't stand it when my feet aren't on the earth..." Knuckles mumbled, slowly departing from the room, as Tails began discussing the trip home with the group, coordinates, time...
Rouge leaned into Shadow. "Are you sure you're alright?" she whispered.
"It's a stiff neck, Rouge."
She furrowed her brow. "That's not what I mean."
Shadow paused. He tuned out of the chatter in the room, and gazed out the window again. He walked over to it slowly, navigating his way through the small crowd, stopping to stare out into space. Rouge followed closely behind.
"A part of me doesn't want to leave," he muttered quietly. "Maybe I shouldn't leave. It feels like I'm not ready."
"Well, when would it be a good time?" Rouge replied. "You can't wait for the right moment, Shadow. It'll never come if you just wait. You have to choose to let it go,"
"I don't want to. I know I have to, but I don't want to. This is the only life that has ever made sense to me."
"Life is full of opportunities..." Rouge mused, now standing by Shadow's side, looking out at the stars with him. "You wouldn't want to throw that away, would you? Why not choose to make a new life for yourself, free from all this?"
It wasn't a difficult concept for Shadow to get his head around, in theory. He understood well that his past couldn't hold him hostage, if he didn't allow it, and that it was simply his refusal to let go that kept him trapped. He looked down, ashamed. He'd already given himself an assortment of new regrets with his free will, and unlike others, death would not liberate him- he was going to carry those memories for all eternity. This unending life promised him an eternity to add to his growing pile of regrets and painful memories.
"I'm not enthused by the idea of making things worse for myself."
"I don't mean to hurt your feelings, Shadow, but there's only so low you can go in life...and between you and me, I think it's all up from here."
What a humiliating comment. His stomach churned. But maybe Rouge was right, as after all, truthfully, he couldn't imagine things getting any worse than they already had. And it's not as though he chose to stay in the hole he dug himself into. Everyone aboard the ARK was cheering for him, calling him a hero, likening his actions to Sonic's routine acts of heroism. He gazed at his reflection, digging deep into his own piercing stare, looking for something. Looking for forgiveness from himself, looking for a part of him he could forgive.
A peppy voice chimed in behind the two. "Now don't accuse me of eavesdropping," Sonic began. "But, Shadow, she's right! If you need a reason to have faith in yourself, you're the one who chose to fulfill your best friend's last wish. You saved all of humanity for her! And that wasn't just a favor for her, but for everyone in the world!"
Shadow looked over his shoulder, wincing again as he turned his head at the wrong angle, rubbing the sore spot on his neck.
Sonic turned towards the exit of the room, beckoning the two with a hand. "Sounds like a pretty good start to your new life, if you ask me! So let's all go back to Earth and put this behind us. I'm not the type to hold grudges- I wanna see who you really are, now that we've figured everything out!"
Rouge flashed Shadow a smile. "Well? Doesn't that sound good?"
Shadow hesitated. "...maybe,"
"Maybe shmaybe," Rouge gave a good-natured eye-roll, tugging on Shadow's arm. "Take some time to say goodbye. But we gotta get going, Shadow! You can't stay up here forever."
Indeed. Shadow finally gave in, and gave a gentle nod. "Alright. Go. I'll...I'll catch up."
Within a minute, the room had emptied out the door, the large metallic door automatically sliding up, then down, whirring both times, sealing the room off and keeping the outside chatter muffled. It left Shadow alone with the hum of the ARK, the stars, and his thoughts.
"I can't waste this life. How many people dream of immortality, an eternity to right their wrongs, to grow into their full potential?" Shadow mused under his breath, to no one in particular. "Even in her last moments, Maria's compassion and love for others never relented. Her perseverance, her insistence on loving others...she wouldn't want me to waste this,"
Shadow sighed, leaning his forehead into the cold glass of the window, shutting his eyes. "What's the matter with you? It was the dying wish of your only friend, the dying wish of a sick little girl, for you to love humanity, to have faith, to keep your heart open to love. She would forgive you, wouldn't she? You fulfilled your promise to her. And here you are,"
He opened his eyes again, staring into his own blood-red gaze. Bloody, ghoulish.
"Can't forgive yourself. Can't let go. What are you, a child?"
The ARK hummed in indifference to Shadow's introspection. His shoulders felt heavy.
"...no more of this. My time here is finished."
He turned his back to the window, slowly walking away, making his way to the door. He stopped to glance over his shoulder one more time, catching his reflection staring uncertainly back at him.
We're finished here.
Shadow kept walking as the outside chatter slowly faded back into a coherent volume. He felt tired. Very, very tired.
Unusually tired.