Reversal of Fortune: Chapter 27: Phantom Menace Revealed

SUNDAY, OCTOBER 9; 10:00 AM
LOUD HOUSE
ROYAL WOODS, MICHIGAN

As Lana closed the door behind her, she told Lisa, "Whoo. It's all yours, Lise."

Lisa asked Lana, "All yours? What do you mean, it's all yours?"

Lana replied, "Check what's behind that door. You'll love it."

Lisa said, "Hmm… I guess I could entertain your silly, small-minded games." As Lisa got up from her seat and walked to her door, she went on, "I need a break, anyway. All this science is making me… Great Joseph Bramah!"

Lisa's jaw dropped when she opened the door and saw a full ensuite bathroom, complete with a toilet, sink, bathtub, and shower.

As Lisa sputtered out gibberish, Lana smirked, "You like it?"

Lisa stuttered, "L-l-like it?", before beaming, "Lana! This is incredible!"

Lana quickly said, "Aww… it was nothing," before Lisa wrapped her up in a tight hug and told her, "Thank you. Thank you so much."

Lana rubbed Lisa's back as she assured her, "No problem, Lise. No problem at all."

When Lana and Lisa broke their embrace, Lisa offered, "Lana, how would you like to both end this stupid Protocol, and get away with killing Marcus Quick and his cronies?"

Lana chortled, "I'm listening."

Lisa cheered, "Excellent!" She then requested, "All you need to do is construct a bathroom just like ours for our parental units."

Lana gasped, "A bathroom inside Mom & Dad's bedroom? But what will that do for me? For us?"

Lisa started, "Simple. The presence of Ol' Slushie must be damaging to our parents' psychological health, in addition to being unsanitary."

Lana countered, "Aww… but I love Ol' Slushie! And unsanitary things! Do you have to do this to me, Lise? And wait… what do you mean by psychological health?"

Lisa explained, "It means it makes our parents feel bad. Now, visualize how they would feel if they had proper lavatory facilities to utilize whenever our Neanderthal sororal units squabble over petty things."

Lana thought, "Hmm… we're not going to need to line up for the bathroom already, so that makes two less people in line. Add our parents to that." She then stuck two fingers out before sticking out two extra fingers, one for each of her parents, and then counting, "1, 2, 3… 4 less people in line for the main bathroom!"

Lisa encouraged, "Getting closer, Lana. Now, how do you think they would feel if they find out you built their bathroom, meaning they no longer had to wait to use it?"

Lana's eyes widened as she realized, "That means… we could do whatever we want in this house! Yeah, Lori uses Vanzilla to boss us around all the time! Why don't we use this?!"

Lisa praised, "Precisely."

Lana then asked, "Wait… what do I get out of this?"

Lisa offered, "If you can construct a bathroom in our parental units' bedroom, I'll help you torture & kill Marcus Quick & his cronies faster! I work best alone, after all!"

Lana promised, "Will do! Thanks, Lise!", before running downstairs screaming, "MOM! DAD!"

Lisa smirked, "Works every time. Now let's see what I…", before the beeping of her computer interrupted her thought pattern. When Lisa heard her computer beep, she said to herself, "Hmm… must be Yovan. He should be back in Russia by now."

When Lisa opened Gmail on her computer, she was surprised to find new messages from Incognito Labs and the University of Michigan at the top of her inbox. She pondered, "Hmm… Incognito Labs. They'd better have my research samples by now, it's been weeks!"

However, when Lisa double-clicked on the email from Incognito Labs, and the subject line, "Notice of Termination – Incognito Labs", Lisa's jaw dropped in horror. Curiously, Lisa read the rest of the letter:

October 9, 2016

Dear Lisa Loud,

You are hereby given notice that your professional relationship with Incognito Labs is terminated, effective immediately, October 9, 2016.

This action has been deemed necessary as numerous anonymous sources have submitted substantial video and written evidence of you committing serious violations of our Code of Conduct, the rules set by our governing bodies, as well as applicable state and federal laws, using the resources that we have provided you. Such violations include:

- Buying radiological, biological, and chemical weapons of mass destruction from a foreign agent from a hostile nation with intent to harm
- Selling radiological, biological, and chemical weapons of mass destruction to a foreign agent from a hostile nation with intent to harm
- Testing radiological, biological, and chemical weapons of mass destruction on live human subjects
- Smuggling radiological, biological, and chemical weapons of mass destruction to a foreign nation
- Providing classified documents to other entities without approval from Incognito Labs
- Providing classified resources to other entities without approval from Incognito Labs
- Torturing live human subjects, including siblings, parents, and their associated parties
- Abusing live human subjects, including siblings, parents, and their associated parties
- Performing experiments on live human subjects without their express written/verbal consent
- Altering the natural biological makeup of live human subjects without their express written/verbal consent
- Facilitating domestic terrorist activity
- Facilitating international terrorist activity
- Subjecting persons to physical mutilation or to medical or scientific experiments of any kind which are neither justified by the medical, dental or hospital treatment of the person concerned nor carried out in his or her interest, and which cause death to or seriously endanger the health of such person or persons
- Attempted unauthorized genital mutilation
- Attempted aggravated assault
- Attempted malicious wounding
- Criminal harassment

Such misconduct has seriously jeopardized the well-being of your colleagues, our organization, and our stakeholders. All evidence of this misconduct has been attached to this email for your review. This letter is formal notice that your professional relationship with Incognito Labs is terminated as of the date of this letter.

In addition, due to the criminal nature of many of your acts of misconduct, we have reported these actions, where necessary, to the appropriate authorities.

You are required to turn over all property, official documents, and related articles and materials that you have received as part of your working relationship with Incognito Labs back to our company within the next 5 business days. You will be required to notify us as to when you will be returning this property. You may leave these items at the security checkpoint on the first floor of the building. Once you have done this, you will be escorted around the premises to retrieve any personal property you have on the premises, after which you will be escorted off the premises. Failure to abide by these terms will result in felony criminal charges of larceny by conversion being levied against you, as well as any personal property you have on the premises being repossessed.

You will be paid any entitlements and outstanding remuneration, including pay, superannuation, and holiday pay up to and including the date of this letter. If you feel we have reached this decision in error, you are welcome to file an appeal. If you have any questions, you may contact our company lawyer, Mr. Bruce Allensworth, at the listed email address and phone number on the back of this paper.

Sincerely,
Dr. Carol Linneaus
Incognito Labs

When Lisa finished reading the email, she mused, "Oh dear. Looks like I've got footage to review and wipe from every known cloud and archive in the world," before opening the first video attachment, entitled "L.I.S.A.".

(Scene Change: Royal Woods Hospital)

As Lori slammed Room 107's door open, she cried, "Bobby!"

Not even Ronnie Anne's murderous glare at Lori was enough to deter her from running to Bobby's bedside and smothering him with kisses and cuddles for the third day in a row.

As Lori lifted her head from Bobby's face, she heard Ronnie Anne snarl, "Yeah. Bobby. Anyone else, bitch-tits?"

Lori sniffled at her, "Boo-Boo Bear's the one in a coma. Is there anyone else I should be...", causing Ronnie Anne to furiously grab the sharpest scalpel she could find and point it at her throat.

When Lori noticed Ronnie Anne making a stabbing motion with said scalpel, she yelped in fright and ran out of Bobby's hospital room with Ronnie Anne in hot pursuit. As Lori ran out of the hospital screaming, Ronnie Anne roared, "NO! STAY HERE! YOU'RE GONNA NEED TO FACE SOME PAIN BEFORE LINCOLN SHOULD EVEN THINK ABOUT YOUR SORRY ASS, BITCH-TITS!" As Ronnie Anne walked back to Bobby's room, she seethed to herself, "Ooh… you blonde bitch… let me cut you. I cut you."

(Scene Change: Loud House)

As Lisa finished viewing the same video evidence attached to another termination letter from the University of Michigan, she growled, "I should have known my sororal units would have obtained access to my footage some day!" Lisa then grabbed a vial of plutonium, slammed the door open, and demanded, "WHICH ONE OF YOU DID THIS?" When Lisa noticed nobody responding to her, she snarled, "If none of you Australopithecus apes want to admit it, I'm just going to," before the ringing of her phone interrupted her. When Lisa checked the caller ID, "Stan Smith," she groaned to herself, "Oh boy, here we go."

Lisa picked up the phone and huffed, "Yes, Stan?"

Stan bellowed, "Lisa, what the hell do you think you're doing?"

Lisa grumbled, "Precisely what are you blabbering about?"

Stan boomed, "I just received footage of you buying weapons of mass destruction from a foreign spy! And a Russian one at that! What the hell is wrong with you?"

Lisa retorted, "You said I could work with whoever I wanted. Those were the terms of our deal."

Stan snapped, "Yeah, but not when it puts national security in danger like this! Do you know what we had to do to make sure your 'run-in' with Yovan at the airport went smoothly?"

Lisa threatened, "If you're going to give me that attitude, remember that practically every nation in the world is interested in my services. Including the Russians, Chinese, Iranians… and the North Koreans, to name a few. Bear in mind that I can speak Russian, Chinese, Farsi, and Korean, along with pretty much all global, supra-regional, and regional languages, fluently."

Stan gasped, "You wouldn't."

Lisa deadpanned, "I already have, remember? I have 10 siblings and 2 parents to feed. And thanks to my close relationships with agents around the world, combined with my extensive knowledge in numerous fields, the possibility of defection seems very enticing. Especially with the CIA's reputation having nosedived lately. You wouldn't want another Julian Assange situation on your hands, would you? You let me go, and I will release every one of this country's shady dealings all over the Internet."

Stan countered, "First of all, half of that stuff is public knowledge now. Secondly, we have extradition treaties with 116 countries all over the world. All of the Americas, Australia, New Zealand, South Korea, Japan, and Europe except for Belarus, Ukraine, Moldova, and Russia. You set foot in any of those countries, you're done. Either that or you're confined to a foreign embassy. Alone. Outcast. Away from your family at such a crucial developmental stage in your life. Ring any bells, Dr. Loud?"

Lisa pressured, "Think of the international firestorm. The damage to your reputation if it were ever discovered that the United States government was keeping a little 4-year-old white girl, one of its own citizens, no less, from returning home to mommy and daddy. Oh, I can't bear to think of the protests outside your agency."

Stan huffed, "Big woof. The average person's attention span is so short nowadays that we can just put a tabloid story all over the news to distract them, and they'll forget all about you."

Lisa emphasized, "Again: 4-year-old photogenic white girl. One of your own citizens by birthright. Detained in a foreign country, not allowed to return to mommy and daddy, who are also born-and-bred American citizens whose families have been here for generations. Even the name is American and easy to pronounce: 'Lisa Loud.' That's not a good look. There are moral lines you don't cross, you know. People could get fired. Dead bodies of innocent protesters on the White House lawn, on BOTH sides of the political spectrum. People… erm… 'disappearing'… in the 'land of the free and the home of the brave.' If you think you have image problems now, everything you've done before will look saintly compared to this. So, I ask you, Agent Smith, what's it going to be?"

Stan insisted, "Stop buying from Yovan."

Lisa assumed the close, "And?"

Stan groaned, "You can continue to work with us… as long as you can completely cover your tracks."

Lisa hummed, "Deal."

Stan sighed, "OK. Stay out of trouble. I don't want to have this conversation again."

Lisa concurred, "Neither do I," before hanging up.

As Lisa hung up, Lana knocked on the door.

Lisa sighed, "Come in, Lana."

Lana opened the door and asked, "Lise, what's going on?!"

Lisa held the vial out towards Lana and growled, "Did you have anything to do with this? Because if you did… the proverbial gloves are off!"

Lana probed, "This? Wait… what happened, Lise?"

Lisa hissed, "Some numbskull got me fired from one of the most prestigious scientific institutes in the world, and my professorship at the University of Michigan!"

Lana gasped, "Wow… sorry to hear that, Lise."

Lisa pondered, "Hmm…", before running over to her closet and grabbing a spare polygraph. When she pointed said polygraph at Lana, Lisa said to herself, "Huh… no traces of lying. I guess you didn't do it, Lana."

Lana asked, "Didn't do it? Didn't do what?"

Lisa exasperatedly explained, "Told those places to fire me. Given the thermonuclear-level tensions in the house, I suspect one of our sororal units did it."

Lana questioned, "What?", before Lisa clarified, "Street name… our sisters." She then pulled out her phone and opened a dark web app while warning Lana, "So you will be spared. As for my other sororal units… I will whittle them down until I find the culprit… one… by… one."

Lana begged Lisa, "Listen to yourself! Why would our sisters want to do that? You're our only hope for finding and getting revenge on Marcus Quick right now! Besides, you haven't been able to find out who pranked Lori and Lola, as well as who kidnapped Lincoln and destroyed the squirrel suit!"

Lisa growled, "Have you seen this Sister Fight Protocol? It's so intense that I had to invent a new category beyond Erupting Volcano! Thermonuclear! Plus, with the recent catastrophes that have befallen Lori and Lola, the disappearance and murder of our pets and our stuff, and the disappearance of Lincoln, I haven't been able to focus, and they could be…", before gasping in realization, "Someone from outside is conspiring against the family."

Lana asked, "What makes you believe that?"

Lisa mused, "It seems as if whenever we come close to ending the Sister Fight Protocol, something happens to one of us that happens to exactly target our weaknesses, re-intensifying the Protocol. Think about it, Lana. Everybody's in different rooms, no one really socializes with each other the way they used to. If it was our sisters, or even myself, setting up these traps, the rest of us would likely find out about it really quickly and pulverize said sister." She then shuddered, "Except Luan… that girl's scary."

Lana shivered, "You've got that right. And she hasn't been pranked yet. What, do you think she's behind all this?"

Lisa sighed, "No, sororal unit. While these seem like Luan-style attacks, none of them have come with her puns until well after the fact." She then pondered, "Hmm… this can't be karma. While we have experienced consequences for our… erm… rambunctious behavior in public places, those are just immediate punishments for breaking rules. Everyone usually forgets about it, and life goes back to normal for us immediately. Therefore, at least in this dimension, karma isn't real. At least not for us. Now, for our good luck charm on the other hand… eureka! This is proof that luck is real!"

Lana asked, "What do you mean?"

Lisa explained, "How is it that when Lincoln finally acknowledges how he can be a 'good luck charm', he's kidnapped? That should tell you everything you need to know."

Lana then pondered, "If Lincoln was kidnapped," before gasping and asking Lisa, "You think Lincoln was kidnapped for his squirrel suit? I mean, you saw how it looked when it came back."

Lisa gasped, "Lana, for the second time in a 1-hour period, you've impressed me. Way more than I can normally say for you or our other sibling units, but I'll take it."

Lana then suggested, "You want to go out and find him? I mean, as bad as we're suffering right now, he's probably doing 10 times worse!"

Lisa deadpanned, "And there goes any respect I had for your intelligence." She then explained to Lana, "Until Lynn and Leni get that new squirrel mascot suit ready, it's too dangerous, given the bad luck happening to the rest of our family units." She then acknowledged, "Even if we wanted to take him back, his tracking chip's last known location was Royal Woods Hospital before it went offline. And after Lynn's antics, we probably wouldn't be able to visit him, anyway."

Lana sighed, "Dang, that sucks. I mean, who would have…", before theorizing, "Ooh… I got it! I bet Marcus Quick kidnapped Lincoln! I mean, who else would be able to both kill our pets and prank Lori & Lola?"

Lisa sighed, "I don't know… the list of people who could do that is very, very short. But yeah, from my research, as well as his recent visit to the house, I have reason to suspect that Marcus Quick kidnapped Lincoln before his raid on the house."

Lana then asked, "But if Marcus Quick kidnapped Lincoln, why would he have not brought him back here in the squirrel suit when he came back to the house?"

Lisa told Lana, "Lincoln probably asked Marcus to stay at his house to avoid giving us bad luck."

Lana reflected, "So Marcus Quick kidnapped Lincoln," before chortling, "Ho-ho-ho! If he did, then Marcus is gonna suffer endless bad luck! Maybe we won't even need to kill him… maybe Lincoln might get him into an 'accident'!"

Lisa sighed wistfully, "We can only hope, Lana."

Lana hugged Lisa and smiled, "Thanks, Lisa! You're the best!"

Lisa whispered, "Keep telling yourself that, Lana. Keep telling yourself that."

Lana broke the hug when she heard Lisa mutter and asked, "What?"

Lisa smirked, "Oh, nothing."

(Scene Change: Sweetwater Manor)

Paige suggested to Clyde, "Not saying we should give any of them a chance, let alone forgive them or let them in on what's going on… but I mean, one of them is a friggin' baby."

Clyde said, "True."

Paige continued, "And on this whole luck thing. I mean, besides Lisa, who should be smart enough to not believe in that bullshit, I'm honestly surprised Lucy also fell for the lie and joined in with her sisters."

Clyde growled, "Why? Lucy moved the same as the rest of di gyaldem."

Paige explained, "You know how Lucy's into all this dark stuff and whatnot? You'd think she'd stand up for Lincoln and try to keep him around! She likes that bad luck stuff! Also, I watched the footage of the "luck incident" in its entirety. She said nothing about keeping Lincoln away from her events!"

Clyde growled, "But she sold a man's stuff, styll. And di ting dun say nothing."

Paige sighed, "I know. But maybe, just maybe… if Lincoln hadn't taken the fall for Lucy with the Princess Pony deal, among other things, mind you, or even if Lucy wasn't caught up in the sister hivemind. I mean, not that it might have been enough to keep Lincoln around, but it might have helped." She then asked Clyde, "Plus, if she spoke up, do you really think anyone would have listened?"

Clyde's jaw dropped before Paige continued, "We both watched what happened at the Loud House yesterday. Of everyone in that house, Lucy seemed to suffer the most. Luna said that no one liked her. That's harsher than any fashion roast."

Clyde asked Paige, "So what are you saying?"

Paige mused, "It seems the sisters have a hivemind that causes them to act the way they do. And if anyone in that madhouse could break from the sister hivemind, consciously, anyway, it's Lucy. Think about it: she's pretty much isolated from the rest of the family. You know what, I'm not saying I'll forgive her, not at all. I might not even give her a chance to prove herself. But I'm going to keep my eye on her. She's going to be interesting to watch."

Clyde mused, "Yo, that's a true ting, styll."

(Scene Change: Loud House)

When Lana broke her hug with Lisa, she gasped before speculating, "What if Lincoln wasn't actually the one with bad luck?"

Lisa questioned Lana, "What do you mean?"

Lana urged, "Think about it! He's been gone for the last week! Now, the pets are gone, and Lori and Lola got all messed up!"

Lisa countered, "Even if that were true, our good luck charm is absent. That leaves us with an 88 percent increase in probability of being exposed to unlucky events."

Lana scoffed, "Try a zillion percent. Now, who else in this house likes…", before gasping as her eyes narrowed, "What if Lucy's been bad luck?"

Lisa raised an eyebrow, "I beg your pardon?"

Lana explained, "I'm starting to think Luna and Lynn were right. All those spooky rituals Lucy does, claiming she can talk to spirits, she's hardly come out of her room… well, we all have, but still! And she tried to say that Lincoln's Princess Pony love wasn't so bad!" She then gasped in realization before begging Lisa, "Is there any way you can prove that Lucy's bad luck? I mean, Marcus Quick needs to be destroyed, but still!"

Lisa pondered, "Hmm, isolating the source of the bad luck before going on any extra missions." She then evilly smirked, "Lana, I like your thinking," before calling, "Oh, spooky?"

Lucy popped in from the vent, "You called?", jumpscaring Lana and Lisa.

Lisa replied, "Yes, I did. I need a test subject for some elements of our revenge plan against Marcus Quick that I've been developing. Since our male sibling unit is unfortunately unavailable, I have assigned you for this most prestigious task. Speaking of which, I should go get my materials now," before running to her dresser drawer to find what she needed.

When Lucy noticed Lisa pull out some beakers labeled with skull and crossbones labels, she trembled, "What is that?"

Lisa casually replied, "Oh, just some polonium."

Lucy asked, "What are you planning to do with that?"

Lisa explained, "Simple: we're going to set up a TV broadcast on all the major news stations 'suggesting' that wherever Marcus Quick and his buddies are hiding, they return to the Loud House within an appropriate timeframe, unarmed. Failure to do so will result in the contents of this vial being spread across Lake St. Clair and the Detroit River."

Lucy gasped, "You wouldn't."

Lisa nodded, "Oh, I would."

Lucy begged, "Please, let's go with Lana's plan?!"

Lisa scoffed, "For someone like Marcus Quick? I suspect he has made himself untraceable. This is the only way people like us can gain access to him to do what needs to be done. We can't go to him… he has to come to us."

Lucy asked, "But what about us?"

Lisa said, "Fear not, grayscale sororal unit. I will not release this experiment before I come up with a polonium immunity formula and inject everyone in this house with it."

Lucy uttered, "Wait, but what about Lincoln?"

Lisa clarified, "Again, grayscale sororal unit, everyone in the house. If our male sibling unit does not return within an appropriate time frame of my invention and successful testing of my formula… well, his loss."

As Lisa walked back to the cabinet to get new chemicals, Lucy suggested to Lana, "Lincoln had better get back here if he knows what's good for him. Do you think we should at least try and find him so we can tell him?"

Lana scoffed, "Nah. First of all, he's bad luck until we get that squirrel suit ready! So we can't even go near him for our own sakes! Plus, he's the 'Man with the Plan', I think he can figure it out on his own."

Lucy murmured, "Sigh," before admitting, "You're right."

Lisa then pulled out a very long, sharp needle and walked towards Lucy before asking her, "OK, now let's get started, shall we? Oh, and be forewarned, grayscale sororal unit - this will hurt me more than it will hurt you."

As Lisa pricked her needle into Lucy's left arm, Lucy let out a shrill scream while Lana cackled, "Take that, Quick!"

(Scene Change: Kitchen, Loud House)

As Lynn Sr. started to cook lunch for the family while humming a jazzy tune, he heard his cell phone ring.

When Lynn Sr. picked up the phone, the caller ID read, "C Pingrey." Lynn Sr.'s eyes popped out of his skull as he proclaimed to the house, "I'll get it!"

Lynn Sr. answered the phone, "Hello, this is Lynn Loud speaking."

Carl replied, "Good morning, Lynn. It's Carl. Carl Pingrey."

Lynn Sr. beamed, "Oh, hey, Carl! How's it going?"

Carl responded, "Good, good. And yourself?"

Lynn Sr. chirped, "Couldn't be better!"

Carl chuckled, "Love to hear it."

Lynn Sr. asked, "So, did you guys get my request for the bank loan? You know, for Lynn's Table?"

Carl recalled, "Oh yeah, that. Listen, everything seems to be in order, and the guys really like your business plan! Great restaurant idea, good location, great menu ideas, positive yet realistic sales and profit projections… I like what I see! Matter of fact, I want to meet with you personally to discuss the terms of the loan."

Lynn Sr. gasped, "P-p-personally?! Wow, that's incredible!" He then gushed, "Oh, this has been my lifelong dream, thank you, thank you, thank you!"

Carl chuckled, "Sure thing. Meet me, at say, Salisbury's Steak and Haggis, Wednesday afternoon, at noon?"

Lynn Sr. exclaimed, "Sure thing! Oh, thank you so, so much, Mr. Pingrey! You won't regret it!"

Carl chuckled, "Believe me, I won't. See ya Wednesday, Lynn!"

Lynn Sr. bellowed, "You too, Carl! Bye!", before hanging up. He then squealed before fainting on the floor.

Rita shook her head at the sight of her passed out husband. Upon waking him up, she asked, "Lynn, honey, are you OK?"

Lynn Sr. explained, "Carl Pingrey wants to meet with me personally to discuss getting a loan for Lynn's Table!"

Rita gasped, "Oh my god, are you serious?!"

Lynn Sr. smirked, "Dead serious, baby!", before kissing his wife on the lips.

Rita burst, "Wow! This is incredible!"

Lynn Sr. agreed, "I know! I mean, this has been my lifelong dream, and now it's here! Don't worry, honey, J. Pizzy's got this in the bag!"

Rita giggled, "I know, I know. But in the meantime, you've still got 11 more hungry customers to feed, so get back on it and I'll prepare the big dining table for celebration!"

Lynn Sr. cheered, "You know it!", as Rita kissed him on the cheek before walking back to her and Lynn Sr.'s bedroom. As she did, Lynn Sr. jazzily hummed to himself, "Lynn's Ta-ble! Here I come!"

(Scene Change: Dining Room, Sweetwater Manor)

The Silencers gathered to discuss their plans for the Louds that day, with Carl Pingrey taking Sam's place as the roundtable's "guest" for this meeting.

As Carl put his phone away, he told the rest of the table, "There we go. Lynn Sr. is as good as ours."

The rest of the Silencers cheered as Linda reminded the table, "And I've got Caitlin and Jessie working with me on Rita, so we'll handle her."

Lincoln then asked, "But what about mad scientist?"

Melissa replied, "Relax, Lincoln. If Brian's connections saw his email, then she should be taken care of, too."

Lincoln shivered, "She still has chemicals, though. Apparently, those weren't stolen when my old house got robbed."

The non-Sweetwaters gasped and stared at the Sweetwaters at the table. Brian defended, "W-we just didn't want the robbers to hurt themselves, OK?"

The non-Sweetwaters murmured to themselves, "Fair enough," or, "Girl's dangerous."

Lincoln then asked, "But what about psycho comedian? Earplug?"

Lindsay assured Lincoln, "The damage to their reputations will come and take care of THEM, too. But for now, we've got the main earners taken care of, and that's what matters. Speaking of psycho comedian, by the way-", before Dana, Melissa, Jackie, and Skippy interrupted her, "We're taking care of her next."

Dana shuddered, "Have you seen the damage girl can do on a single April Fools' Day? I think I've told most of you guys already, but the girl PAINTED MINE AND MELISSA'S ENTIRE BLOCK RED. And that was three years ago. So, imagine her now."

Melissa concurred, "Yeah, definitely Luan. She has the whole Funny Business & YouClip celebrity thing going on. So even if just the parents & Lisa go broke, Luan might be able to provide some form of sustenance. Not for 12 people, but, you get the idea."

Jackie asked, "What do we do about her? Girl is a walking nightmare that can smell a prank or a trap from a mile away."

Becky urged the table, "Well, we can't let anybody get hurt or get found out. All that'll do is turn people against us and set us up for massive retaliation. I mean, Luan's not Lisa smart, but she's definitely clever. And after the Quick thing, she'll definitely be on guard."

Lindsay groaned, "That's the problem with your thinking. Sometimes, collateral damage is unavoidable."

Linda whined, "Lindsay, we talked about this!"

Lindsay replied, "You guys seem to be forgetting that this is a war. And considering the danger the Louds pose, it's a war that needs to be fought… on all fronts. As long as we come out of it unscathed, which we should be able to do, we're good. And besides… if this goes the way I think it's going to go… it's not exactly like we're targeting innocents."

Lincoln paled, "What do you mean?"

Lindsay insinuated, "The people on your street… your neighbors. Certainly, they saw the Louds lock you out. And if I'm not mistaken, they did nothing, right?"

Lincoln stammered, "N-n-no," before grumbling, "Wait, Lindsay, what are you planning?"

Lindsay hinted, "Relax, Lincoln, we won't be doing anything. Other than Brian and Melissa here, but even then, their approach will be hands off."

Lincoln repeated, "Lindsay, what do you have planned?"

Lindsay explained, "Luan likes April Fools' Day, right?"

Lincoln said, "Yeah. What about that?"

Lindsay sinisterly grinned, "Let's give her an April Fools' Day she'll never forget."

Skippy chuckled, "Ho-ho! I'm in! But how are we going to do it? Like everyone said, Luan can see a prank coming from a mile away. And besides, April Fools' Day is in April. It's October right now."

Melissa suggested, "You know, with how crazy Luan is, it doesn't need to be April Fools' Day to get her in the April Fools' spirit."

Lindsay praised, "Exactly, Melissa."

Brian gasped, "You know what, sweetie, I think you've got a point. What if we tricked Luan into thinking it was April Fools' Day?"

The rest of the Silencers gasped before Haiku asked, "Trick her into believing it's April Fools' Day? How are we going to do that?"

Margo groaned, "You can't prank her. Believe me, I've tried."

The rest of the Silencers stared at Margo before Lincoln said, "Yeah… it's best we don't talk about that."

Margo smiled, "Thanks, Linc."

Lincoln assured Margo, "Any time."

Carol added, "And it's not like we're going to sneak into that house and alter all the calendars! It's 2016, they have smartphones, they can easily find out the correct date!"

Lindsay yelled, "That's the point!", before suggesting, "Daddy, Melissa… what if you guys hacked the Louds' technology again to make it so that they all think it's April Fools' Day?!"

Brian pondered, "Hmm… making it look like it's April Fools' Day to the rest of the Louds." He then mused, "Going to be a challenge, but I think I can pull this off." He then offered, "Melissa, you want to help me on this? This is a big opportunity for you."

Melissa smirked, "I guess we could work together on this."

Brian ribbed, "Are you sure? We might have to pull an all-nighter for this to work."

Melissa quipped, "That's a risk I'm willing to take."

Paige surmised, "OK, so Daddy and Melissa are going to be working on Luan's prank."

Becky then asked, "What about you two, Dana and Jackie? How's Leni's magazine going?"

Dana and Jackie replied, "Good," before Dana jokingly grumbled, "But our best girl for the project just left!", causing the rest of the table to erupt in laughter.

Melissa jokingly sighed, "Relax, girls!" When Melissa saw Dana, Jackie, and Carol pouting at her with their arms crossed, Melissa laughed before suggesting, "I'll tell you what: if I get time after working on Luan's stuff, I'll go over your stuff and see what I can do."

Dana and Jackie chirped, "Deal!" Dana then asked, "Hey, Carol, Becky, you girls mind working on Leni's prank with us?"

Carol and Becky beamed, "We're down!"

Dana and Jackie chuckled, "Alright, alright."

Lincoln then asked, "But what about the rest of you guys? I mean, I know I've got some stuff I'm working on with Clyde, so, what are you guys doing?"

Paige suggested, "Margo, Haiku, Skippy… how would you guys like to watch some footage of life at the Loud House? You know… know thy enemy, and all?"

Margo, Haiku, and Skippy smiled, "OK!", before Margo groaned, "But I don't want to miss the Lions game! The Lions are playing the Eagles, and I didn't bring this Quick jersey all the way out here for nothing!"

Brian asked Margo, "Don't you have Grandstands Report on your phone?"

Margo sighed, "I do," before Brian asked, "Don't you follow the Lions?"

Margo replied, "I don't know, I'd have to check."

Brian explained, "If you do, you'll get live updates as your team plays."

Margo chirped, "Thanks, Mr. Sweetwater!"

Brian chuckled, "Any time. And hey, anyone who wants to view Loud House footage… we've got the flash drives downstairs, and you guys have first rights to the home theater in the basement."

Margo and Skippy beamed, "OK!", while Haiku softly smiled, "Yay," causing the rest of the table to laugh.

Paige then offered, "And I'll watch the Loud House security footage."

Lincoln smiled, "Thanks, Paige."

Paige beamed, "Anything for you, Linky," causing the rest of the girls in the room to trade giggles.

Paige blushed as she asked, "What?"

When the rest of the girls at the table saw Paige blushing, they laughed loudly, causing her to sink into her seat in embarrassment before Becky ruffled her hair, "Relax, we're just messing with you, sis."

Carl offered, "And I'll get in touch with some of my colleagues on my plan for Lynn Sr."

Lincoln concluded, "Alright then. Let's get started!"

All of the Silencers but one cheered as they filed out of the room. Said silencer slumped into her seat and let out a deep, heavy groan.

Becky asked, "Melissa, what's wrong?"

Melissa sighed, "You know, it's just this whole thing. It's so crazy. It should've never come to this, but here we are."

Becky consoled Melissa, "I know. But something tells me this goes deeper than that. What's wrong, Melissa? Is it about your spat with Lisa?"

Melissa grumbled, "Oh, Lisa? Yeah… I've got no qualms about what we're doing to her. Let's see here: she stiffed me out of six figures, injected me with an unknown substance that I strongly suspect is lethal, if her experiments on her siblings are any indication, and she has absolutely no ethical or moral boundaries in her pursuit of science. I saw the look on Lisa's face when she injected me. She had a sinister smile, yes, but when I looked deep into her eyes, I saw nothing: no reason, no conscience, no understanding. Not even the most rudimentary sense of life or death, of good or evil, right or wrong."

Becky blurted, "Whoa, whoa, whoa… aren't you being a little dramatic there, Melissa? I mean, this is a 4-year-old."

Melissa insisted, "No. I've studied history. Erm… people like Lisa, and I'm using the term people loosely, while incredibly talented, tend to wreak more havoc on societies than one could possibly imagine. I want you to imagine Dr. Entress, with today's technology and Lisa's IQ."

Becky asked, "Who's Dr. Entress?"

Melissa explained, "Nazi doctor, from World War 2. Injected phenol, a lethal substance, into victims' hearts, in Auschwitz as part of human medical experimentation."

Becky gasped before Melissa concluded, "The point is, if we don't stop her, she will grow up to become a danger to Linky, our town, our country, our civilization, and the world at large. So she's obvious. But the sister I'm most disappointed in? Luan."

Becky asked, "Luan? The same girl who turns April Fools' Day into Saw, The Purge, and Home Alone combined? Why her?"

Melissa sighed, "I know, it's a shocker. But hear me out. Remember that time where I was ignoring the Loud sisters the first couple of days we got back for senior year?"

Becky recalled, "Yeah," before gasping in realization, "And… now I get why you were ignoring them. Even when Lori tried to cheer you up." She then asked, "But wait… what about that?"

Melissa started, "Well…"

Flashback: September 9, Royal Woods High School, Drama Room, After School

Mrs. Bernardo dramatically told her Theater Club students, "Welcome to day two of rehearsal, now, we'll start with act one, scene five. Better known as, the kiss! Romeo, Juliet, center stage, the rest of you, take five," before clapping. As everyone walked towards their seats, Luan walked to her chair to get her bag.

Luan said, "Come on, Mr. Coconuts, let's grab a seat next to-", but gasped when she noticed Shannon already sitting directly to the right of Benny and Leo getting ready to sit in the seat directly to the left of Benny.

Luan cried, "Go, Mr. Coconuts!", and threw him into the empty seat next to Benny. At Mr. Coconuts' perfect landing onto said seat, Leo jumped into Lyberti's arms and yelped in fright as the two tumbled onto the floor.

Luan then tried to nonchalantly whistle while she and Mr. Coconuts took the two empty seats next to Benny. She then asked, "Oh, hey, Benny, did you see last night's episode of The Real Mimes of Miami?"

Benny beamed, "Yeah!", before recalling, "I really felt for Magda when she was trying to order a pizza over the phone."

Luan joked, "Mime life. Am I right?", before Benny's stomach growled, making him blush, causing the two of them to laugh. Luan responded to Benny by handing him a banana as she punned, "Here, your stomach might find this a-peel-ing."

While laughing, Benny punned, "Thanks, a bunch!"

Luan laughed while complimenting Benny, "Good one!"

Melissa, who was on stage with Errol, noticed the chemistry between Luan and Benny and began to sulk.

Errol asked, "What's wrong, Melissa?"

Melissa whispered, "I don't know, Errol. It's just… those two look so natural together. I mean, I know it's a goddamn Loud, but still, look at them!"

As Melissa and Errol watched Luan and Benny laughing and blushing at each other, Errol asked, "What do you have against the Louds? You've been like this whenever Luan's been around all week! I thought you and Lori were friends!"

Melissa groaned, "Long story. I'd rather not talk about it."

Errol backed off, "Oh, I understand."

Melissa continued, "Anyway, we're seniors, and those two are freshmen. And did you see them up on stage? They're naturals!"

Errol admitted, "I know. But come on, Melissa! It's our senior year! We're shoo-ins for the lead roles! Mrs. Bernardo promised us, remember? We made a pact our freshman year… we were going to get the lead in at least one role by the time we were done here! Melissa, this is it! And you're willing to give that up?"

Melissa uttered, "Errol, that's the point. We're seniors. Besides, I'm trying to focus on getting into tech, anyway. I don't know… something at the Apple Store or whatever. Might as well put all my eggs in that basket."

Errol deadpanned, "Melissa, I get it, you're a genius," before pleading, "But I'm not! Come on!"

Melissa urged Errol, "Look at them! Do you really think we'd be better in the lead roles than them?"

They then watched Benny dramatically rehearse his line, "A rose, by any other name, would smell just as sweet." When they watched Luan follow up with the joke, "What if it was named methane?", followed by Benny and Luan's laughs, Errol could clearly see the potential that Melissa saw in the duo.

Melissa told Errol, "They're freshmen, so they're going to be reading the book this year, anyway. That natural talent with that knowledge… they're going to be electric!" She then sighed, "I'm going to ask Mrs. Bernardo if I can go behind the scenes. And if you can see the writing on the wall, I suggest you do the same."

Errol pleaded, "But Melissa," but sighed, "Fine," as he watched Melissa walk off the stage.

Mrs. Bernardo asked, "Oh, hey, Melissa! Tell me… what's the scoop?"

Melissa started, "Errol and I are stepping down from our roles as Romeo and Juliet, and we want to go behind the scenes."

Mrs. Bernardo gasped, "Behind the scenes? Why?! I promised you guys the lead, remember?"

Melissa acknowledged, "Yeah, you did. But if you ask me, there's two students, two freshmen, mind you, that I think would be much better for the role. Look in the middle of the front row. You'll find two brunettes, one with a doll sitting next to her. A boy and a girl. Just watch the chemistry."

As Mrs. Bernardo watched Luan and Benny laugh with each other, she gasped, "Melissa, I don't know how to thank you for this…", before stating, "Oh wait, yes, I do." She then proclaimed, "The perfect Romeo and Juliet has been with us all along!" Mrs. Bernardo jumped off the stage while landing a twirl and bubbled, "Benny and Luan!"

Benny and Luan gasped before Mrs. Bernardo assured them, "I've been watching you two, and I know you are going to be wonderful," while nearly choking them in a hug.

Benny and Luan looked at each other and blushed while Mrs. Bernardo pushed them towards center stage before instructing them, "Now, Romeo and Juliet, let's pick up where we left off, the kiss."

Luan urged Mrs. Bernardo, "Wait!"

Mrs. Bernardo asked, "What is it, Juliet?"

Luan stuttered, "I… um… just want to say… oh my gosh, thank you so much, Melissa, for giving me the part! EEEEEE!"

Melissa grumbled, "No problem," before crossing her arms and sinking back into her seat.

Luan frowned and asked Melissa, "Why the long face?"

Melissa mumbled, "Your stupid fucking sister."

Luan put her hand to her ear, leaned in, and repeated, "What? I don't think I heard that?"

Melissa whispered to Luan, "Your sister, Lisa, that science freak, she injected me instead of paying me, and still hasn't paid up. So unless I get that 125,000 dollars, remember: I'm not doing this for you. I'm only doing this because I see your talent."

Luan sympathized, "Aww," before admitting, "Well, Lisa can be a real pain in the mem-BRAIN! Hahaha, get it?"

Melissa chuckled, "That is true," before Luan continued, "Lisa sure ain't no Little Einstein! Hahaha, get it?", causing Melissa to break into louder laughter while the rest of the Theater Club nervously chuckled amongst themselves.

Finally, Luan joked, "And hey, if we had a dollar for every time Lisa screwed us, we could make it rain! Hahaha, get it?", to which Melissa burst out laughing. She then put her arm around Luan and praised, "You're alright, freshman. You're alright. Just do me proud, OK?"

Luan punned, "As long as it doesn't come before the fall! Hahaha, get it?", to which Melissa chuckled.

Flashback ends

(Scene Change: Sweetwater Manor, Present Day)

Melissa sighed, "That day, Luan was the only other Loud to put herself in my good books, other than Lincoln, Lori, and Leni. As time went on, I began to see how creative and inventive she could be, especially with her ideas for the school play. Having Juliet send Romeo a text… I mean, in high school? Who does that? Errol and I were going to be mentors to Benny and her. It was all supposed to be so perfect. A passing of the torch. We were on our way out, they were on their way in. They looked like they could've dated for real. But now, after everything we've seen… I mean… I have to wonder, was it all a front?"

Becky soothed, "Melissa," before Melissa continued, "Especially the April Fools' footage. I mean, how could someone with so much talent be so needlessly cruel to her family?"

Becky sighed, "They're Loud sisters, and that's what they do. I had to wake up to Lori and Leni's true natures, too. But now that we know who they really are, underneath the glitz and glamor, we can't let up now. You said it yourself. Especially after what happened with Marcus Quick."

Melissa acquiesced, "You're right, Becky. Now, I'm going to meet up with Brian so we can set up Luan's prank, and you… you'd better meet up with your friends on finishing Leni's magazine up. I think they're worried about you."

Becky chuckled, "Alright, bet," as the two left the dining room to meet up with their respective groups.

(Time Skip: 6:00 PM, Loud House)

Fritz pulled up to the Loud House in a rented UPD truck and knocked on the door.

Leni proclaimed, "I'll get it!" When she opened the door, she smiled and waved, "Hi, delivery man!"

Fritz said, "Uh… package for Leni Loud."

As Leni took the box in her hands, she gasped, "A package… for me!" She thought aloud, "Wait, I didn't order anything," before gasping, "Of course! It must be one of my new monthly fashion magazines!"

Fritz chuckled, "Probably." He then waved, "Goodbye," jumped back in his truck, and drove off, to which Leni smiled and waved, "Bye, Mr. Delivery Man!"

Leni carried the package upstairs to her attic and said to herself, "Okay, let's see what we have here."

When she opened the package, she gasped, "Ooh… look at those trendy trenchcoats!"

On the cover was a young, Aryan man wearing a black button-up greatcoat with the Nazi emblem on the middle of the left sleeve, over a white suit with a black tie. A kepi hat with the Parteiadler, the Nazi eagle, was adorned on the man's head. The man's jacket had a black belt buckle, just below its lowermost button, in addition to a set of handcuffs. To top off the look, the man wore black pants, black dress boots, and carried a black cane with him. The magazine's cover read, "Vogue – Winter 2017: TRENCHCOATS BACK IN! Old School Becomes The New School."

Leni gushed, "Totes fashionable! But hmm… let me see what they have inside."

After reading a few pages showing other variants of the Nazi SS uniform, along links showcasing the best places to buy them online, a full-paged advert read, "Want to perfect your catwalk for the next runway circuit? Bring back the goosestep!"

Leni immediately pulled out her phone and searched, "goosestepping" on YouClip before receiving a bunch of search results. She immediately clicked on the first one, which showed the Nazi SS goosestepping through the streets of Berlin before World War 2.

Leni gasped, "O-M-Gosh! With that walk… I am totes going to make it to the runway! Eee, I can't wait!", before opening her Tsunami app and buying everything the fashion magazine listed from its recommended links.

(Time Skip: 9:00 PM, Sweetwater Manor)

As Lindsay walked towards her bedroom, she heard Lincoln singing, "Honey came in and she caught me red-handed, creeping with the girl next door."

Lindsay immediately gasped in awe and ran to Lincoln's door. Lindsay listened in rapt attention as Lincoln continued to sing:

Picture this, we were both butt-naked
Banging on the bathroom floor
How could I forget that I had
Given her an extra key?
All this time she was standing there
She never took her eyes off me

Lindsay gasped once more before running to Paige's door and slamming her fists on it. She urged, "Paige! Paige! Come out! Come out!"

Paige opened the door and groaned, "What is it, Lindsay?!"

Lindsay urged Paige, "Get Becky out here! You've gotta hear this! It's coming from Linky's room!"

Paige gasped as she blushed and stammered, "L-Linky?!"

Lindsay smirked, "Yes, Linky! Now, come on!", before running over to Becky's door and also slamming her fists on her door. Lindsay yelled, "BECKY! BECKY!"

Becky opened the door and shouted, "Lindsay! Aren't you supposed to be in bed right now?!"

Lindsay begged Becky, "It's Lincoln! It's coming from his room!"

Becky gasped, "Lincoln?!", before a beaming Lindsay urged Paige and Becky, "Come on!"

Lindsay sprinted to Lincoln's room while Paige and Becky followed her with worried looks on their faces. When they finally made it to Lincoln's room, Lindsay gushed, "Listen!"

Lincoln sang the last line of the pre-chorus, "She stayed until it was over," before singing a second rendition of the chorus:

Honey came in and she caught me red-handed
Creepin' with the girl next door
Picture this we were both butt-naked
Bangin' on the bathroom floor
I had tried to keep her from what
She was about to see
Why should she believe me
When I told her it wasn't me?

Lindsay, Paige, and Becky immediately joyfully squealed, "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH! WOO-HOO-HOO-HOO!", while clapping their hands and jumping for joy.

Meanwhile, inside Lincoln's room, Lincoln's singing session was interrupted by the squeals of the girls, as he groaned, "Clyde, I'll go see what they want. Take 5, OK?"

Clyde chuckled, "Ja, mon. Dun let down ya new fangirls, eh?"

Lincoln took his headphones off and opened his room door to see Lindsay, Paige, and Becky toothily beaming at him. He glared at them and growled, "You three were eavesdropping on me?"

Paige gushed, "Linky, we heard your singing! That was TOTES AMAZING!"

Becky added, "Yeah, you literally have the voice of an angel, Lincolnovich!"

Lindsay cheered, "Forget this house, Linky! That voice belongs to the world!", before she, Paige, and Becky erupted in another round of squeals and cheers.

Lincoln shouted, "What? That's ridiculous! I don't…", before smiling, "Wait… you really think I sounded good?"

Lindsay, Becky, and Paige nodded, "Mm-hmm!"

Lindsay then asked, "Lincoln, what are you planning? I thought I heard you talking to somebody?"

Lincoln questioned, "You really want to know?"

Lindsay, Paige, and Becky enthusiastically nodded.

Lincoln sighed before acquiescing, "OK, fine. But you three have to promise me, you won't use this to embarrass me."

Lindsay, Paige, and Becky immediately put their pinkies up and said, "Deal. Pinky swear."

Lincoln said, "OK," before explaining his plan to Lindsay, Paige, and Becky.

(Scene Change: Loud House)

Back at the Loud House, Lori, who was absentmindedly wandering her bed, noticed the ghostly form of Scoots seemingly gliding through the window and into her room.

As she did, she gasped, "Scoots?! What are you doing here?!"

Scoots' ghost laughed, "I just came here to thank you! I was getting tired of this old body, anyway… all this arthritis and osteoporosis in every bone of my body! Now, look at me! I can float and fly around!" She showed off her new abilities by flying around Lori's room at breakneck speed.

When Scoots stopped, she also claimed, "Now, I can harass my siblings forever!"

Lori asked, "Why are you thanking me for that? Shouldn't you be visiting Lucy or something? She's literally great with things like you."

Scoots chuckled, "Those farts you made… whoo! Ended up putting me six feet under! There's a reason I didn't put that gas mask on when the doctors told me to!"

Lori instantly yelled, "IT WAS MY SHOE!", to which the rest of the Louds replied, "NO, IT WASN'T!"

Scoots chortled, "Well, whatever it is, keep on doing it, because it's been working!", before flying out of the window. As she did, Lori grumbled to herself, "I swear it was my shoe."

(Time Skip: Sweetwater Manor, 10 minutes later)

Paige gushed, "O-M-Gosh! After hearing that, we are so in! Chandler needed to be taken down a peg, anyway!"

Lindsay murmured, "Mm-hmm!", in agreement.

Becky concurred, "Definitely! In fact, we're going to text that recording of you and Clyde singing to Melissa right now! She'll know what to do!"

Lincoln gasped, "You'd really do that? For me?"

Becky assured Lincoln, "Hey, what's family for?!"

A touched Lincoln replied, "Aww… thanks, girls!"

The Sweetwater sisters immediately pulled Lincoln into a hug and beamed, "You're welcome!", before giving him kisses on the cheek. When Lindsay and Becky broke the hug, they noticed Paige holding on a little longer, and giggled to themselves, causing Lincoln to blush.

Lincoln's blushing, in turn, caused Paige to tighten her hug before kissing Lincoln on the cheek and saying, "Now, keep those pipes rested for Tuesday!" Paige then kissed Lincoln on his other cheek again before bidding him, "Goodnight, Linky!", as she turned tail, left the room, and closed the door behind her.

As she did, a blushing Lincoln fell into his bed and said to himself, "You know what… this might be the start of something special."

Closing A/N: Indeed it is, Lincoln! You know, a lot of people have been saying that I've been on hiatus. Truth is, I've had a lot on my plate lately. Trying to compress this novel to cut out fat, starting a new job, my birthday a couple of weeks ago, and getting set with taking courses towards my professional accounting designation for said new job! Not to mention, just trying to live my life! I'm still going to come with the goods, obviously, but I've had some huge opportunities IRL lately, and I wasn't going to let them slip!

A/N 2: According to Wikipedia, Joseph Bramah is the inventor of the modern flush toilet. I figured it was something Lisa would know.

A/N 3: "Stan Smith", CIA director? Yes, it's that Stan Smith, from American Dad. I considered Avery, but he'd probably be too old at this point.

A/N 4: Lincoln was mentioned as having an "angelic voice" in Flying Solo. Thought I'd bring it back here.

How will Brian and Melissa's plans for Luan turn out? What will Leni do with her new fashion magazine? And will Lincoln's angelic voice be displayed for the world to admire? Find out the answers to all these questions and more on… REVERSAL! OF! FORTUNE!