Reversal of Fortune: Chapter 30: Night Terrors

(Time Skip: 6:00 PM, Loud House)

Officer Schoffner knocked on the front door of the Loud House and called out to those inside, "Royal Woods Police Department!"

A few seconds later, the front door opened, revealing Lisa. Lisa blankly greeted, "Good evening, Officer Schoffner."

Officer Schoffner replied, "Good evening, Lisa. As an officer of the law, I'm legally required to ask where your parents are."

Lisa answered, "My parental units are currently tending to a medical emergency regarding our fourth-oldest sister unit, Luan."

Officer Schoffner responded, "Okay… so who is currently supervising you?"

Lisa stated, "My eldest sibling unit, Lori. 17 years, 5 months, and 9 days of age with 4 years of professional babysitting experience. I assure you she is an excellent caregiver."

Officer Schoffner requested, "Can Lori please come down and speak with us?"

Lisa nodded, "I'll call her down," before pulling out her phone and texting Lori, "Come downstairs immediately. Royal Woods Police Department are in the house questioning us about… you know"

Immediately, a toilet could be heard flushing and a sink could be heard rushing before a tired-looking Lori walked out.

After Lori made it to the front door, Officer Schoffner greeted her, "Good evening, Lori."

Lori solemnly sighed, "Good evening, Officer," before letting a loud fart loose.

Officer Schoffner briefly cringed, causing Lori to yell, "IT WAS MY SHOE!"

Officer Schoffner simply laughed it off, "Don't worry about it, Ma'am. I'm a rootin', tootin' gal myself! Besides, it's natural… everyone does it!"

On the other hand, Lori's fart led the Loud sisters to sing a cross-hallway rendition of Lori BrownPants, which had grown into the biggest current Internet meme. Officer Schoffner and Lisa could even be heard muttering the lyrics under their breath despite themselves, causing Lori to blush and fume in embarrassment.

When Officer Schoffner saw Lori glaring at her, she snickered, "I apologize… I apologize. Look, if you feel more comfortable, we can talk in a more private area."

Lori smiled, "I literally appreciate it," before she, Lori, and Lisa walked into the dining room together.

Once everyone was seated, Officer Schoffner started, "The house across the street from yours burnt down this morning. 4 people lost their lives in the fire. The RWPD and RWFD have suspected the fire to be arson. In response, RWPD officers are currently conducting eyewitness interviews across the neighborhood. Due to your house's location in relation to that of the burnt house, I believed your house would be a good place to start."

Lisa countered, "And not because I assisted you with an inquiry into the whereabouts of our brother unit 22 minutes and 43 seconds from precisely last week?"

Officer Schoffner sheepishly admitted, "Well, that, too," before asking the present Loud sisters, "So, tell me, did you see the suspected arson in question?"

Lori and Lisa traded glances before Lisa sighed, "Oh, dear. This is going to be a long and tedious story."

(Scene Change: Sweetwater Manor, Lincoln's Room)

As Lincoln colored in his comic's sketches, he heard a knocking on the door.

Lincoln asked, "Who is it?"

Clyde replied, "Mistah Boombastic!"

Lincoln groaned before getting out of his desk and opening the door. He started, "What's up, Cly-," before catching Clyde's glare and adjusting his response, "I mean, Mr. Boombastic?"

Clyde told Lincoln, "Yo, lock your door, myute. Issa urgent ting."

Lincoln locked the door before returning to his work on his comic. As Lincoln walked back to his desk, Clyde laughed, "You good, mon. A man like you? Ja, you can call me Clyde, styll."

When Lincoln sat down, Clyde told him, "Beenie Man, I took in your comic."

Lincoln asked, "So?"

Clyde continued, "It's about your ending. You drew your fom, or the '10-Headed Beast', cooling it, and mans even settled their beef ting. And I took in how Ace Savvy and One-Eyed Jack helped the '10-Headed Beast' cleaned up the city after they merked it."

Lincoln nodded, "Yeah."

Clyde asked, "Why, fom? After what a ting like Luan did to the Crowley crib? Are you fried?"

Lincoln muttered, "Bill Buck would never approve of Ace Savvy coldly killing someone, even something like the 10-Headed Beast. Remember, Clyde, Ace Savvy is a man of justice, not revenge. And I've got to stick to canon, or else, I'm gonna lose the contest."

Clyde responded, "Mans dunnoe it's not just that, styll."

Lincoln widened his eyes before Clyde continued, "You wanna squash it with your ex-fom. You wanna stop beefing."

Lincoln deadpanned, "Clyde, you know what that house was like. Better than anyone else."

Clyde clarified, "I mean, beefing like this. Mans conspiring and all that."

Lincoln responded, "Well, I know Lily also locked me out of my room and went along with the 'bad luck' lie, but I mean, she's a baby. And I know she's a smart baby, but she's still a baby, so, what could she have really done to help me other than crying? Which, by the way, those monsters would have probably got wrong, anyway. I mean, I can't forgive her because she didn't cry for me, but still. Same thing with Charles and the rest of the pets. I mean, I think mud can speak animal, and maybe psycho comedian, but would they have actually listened? Not that it would have mattered because Charles' doghouse was too small for both me and him to sleep there, and he growled at me that night, but still."

Clyde asked, "So what are you saying?"

Lincoln explained, "Obviously, I'm not forgiving them. I mean, I can't. Not after everything that's already happened. But I'm starting to realize it might not have entirely been their fault, you know. But only in Lily and the pets' cases. Everyone else still has to get dealt with."

Clyde nodded, "True." He then asked Lincoln, "But what if a ting came through, stopped beaking, and actually apologized?"

Lincoln scoffed, "Apologize? Those insufferable cunts? Please. And even if they did do that, that wouldn't be nearly enough for all the shit they've pulled. Also, you should know this better than anyone: whenever those bitches apologize, the next day, or even hours or minutes later, they just go right back to doing the same stuff. Their apologies are fucking meaningless words."

Clyde clarified, "It's not just that. What if they actually, ya know, tried to make tings up? Ya know, gave a man gifts? Admitted that they snaked you? To 12, your Pop-Pop… any man? Some ting like that?"

Lincoln told Clyde, "Like I said: Fucking. Meaningless. If those bitches truly, honestly meant they were sorry, not just about the luck thing, but about everything, here's what they would do. First, they would realize what they did was wrong WITHOUT blaming me."

Clyde started, "But Lincoln-", to which Lincoln interrupted him, "Up-up-up. WITHOUT. BLAMING. ME. I know that I lied during the luck incident to get some free time, OK? I know that. But they locked me out like I was less than a pet. They locked me out like a house pest. And you know my ex-housemates. If I were to admit I did ANYTHING wrong, they would just jump on it and harp on it as an excuse to think they were in the right. So they might say they're sorry, but really, they'd think they're in the right all along, and just use it as an excuse to bully me again some time down the road. Believe me, I've lived there for 11 years, I know this. And you should, too, given everything I've told you, and all the time I've spent around them. I can never admit I'm wrong around them. NEVER. EVER. With them, an admission of wrongdoing is an admission of defeat. I have to play my cards accordingly."

Clyde's jaw dropped as Lincoln continued, "That feeds into my next point: they'd have to put aside their multiverse-sized egos and accept punishment on MY terms. NOT on… erm… my birth-givers' terms. They joined in on this whole mess, and in some cases, even started it. Remember the Princess Pony thing?"

Clyde stuttered, "Y-y-yeah, but-", to which Lincoln spat, "NO. BUTS. ON. MY. FUCKING. TERMS. A grounding ain't gonna do shit against them. I've heard what those genetic relatives say when I walk up to my room. You should know, the walls in my house are thin. They actually laugh at me when my sisters get me grounded, and encourage them to keep doing it because I'm a 'problem child' to them. I mean, if they don't even have the balls to ground Luan for the shit she does to us on April Fools' Day, what makes you think they'd actually adequately punish the bitches for the luck incident? Or even punish them at all? No… they have to accept punishment… ON MY TERMS."

Clyde paled as he stammered, "W-w-what d-do y-you m-mean?"

Lincoln smirked, "Good question, my dear Clyde. Well, I'd say, a good start would be that they would have to publicly give up their hobbies, and explain exactly why they're doing it. Not this crap we're doing now where we prank them and lock them out of their hobbies. No. They have to admit what they did wrong publicly, and take any consequences they receive without complaint or any sense of injustice. Hell, either directly or indirectly through their antics, they make me do it. All. The. Time. Why should I grant them any leniency after how many times they dissed my hobbies? This means that they go up to their teachers, coaches, friends, whatever, and tell them exactly what happened, and OMIT NOTHING. Except my wrongdoings."

Clyde pleaded, "But Lincoln-", to which Lincoln hissed, "Hey, their wrongdoings always get brushed aside, and I always get blamed for my sisters', I mean, those bitches' wrongdoings or for my own wrongdoings IMMEDIATELY after I admit them, and in some cases, even when I don't. Remember when the psychotic genius was in our class? Yeah. No. That's not happening again. We can't let it happen again. Ever. That me is gone. Done. Fin-fuckin-ito. He died the day those pieces of shit locked me out of my own house. And he ain't coming back."

Clyde stood still with his mouth agape as Lincoln continued, "And then, going forward, they would have to show respect to me, one hundred percent of the time. That basically means stopping doing everything they previously did, and doing whatever I say, whenever I say it. After how many times I've had to wait hand-and-foot on my sisters, it's the least they could do. This would also mean giving me whatever I want, whenever I want it. I don't care if they can't afford it. They can afford rare earth metals, torture devices, and psycho comedian's insane April Fools' Day pranking supplies. Let alone all the shit pink needs to hide her sewer rat personality behind her veneer of so-called 'beauty'. So, why the fuck can't they afford… oh…. I don't know… a brand-new GS4 with every single game available for it? With a 90-inch wall-mounted 8K TV IN MY ROOM? Every single Ace Savvy issue known to man, in mint condition? And maybe two of them can move into the closet while I get a bedroom, with my own bathroom? Shit, mud's a mechanic, and between her and the evil genius, they can certainly build one for me and keep it clean every day. Oh yeah, and while they're at it… the stuff I don't want to read or use should be kept in that trophy case they use to pretend like they're worth something. Yeah. Melt all the gold, silver, bronze, platinum, diamond, all that, down from those trophies, give them up in shame, strike their names from the record books, and hand over all the proceeds they get from selling said precious metals to me. They get nothing. I get everything. They deserve nothing. And that's my starting point. Considering all the shit they get, that's honestly not asking for much."

Clyde begged, "Linc! Be reasonable, crodie!"

Lincoln snarled, "Reasonable? REASONABLE?! Reasonable is what got me here, Clyde. I'm done being reasonable. I always have to be the reasonable one while those bitches can be as bratty, irresponsible, and unreasonable as I want. You know, watching that security footage again, I learned something: the only way to survive in the Loud house, and really, this world, is to be less reasonable, and more stubborn, irrational, and bratty than anyone else. Explains what pink, red, psycho comedian, literally bossy, goth, and evil genius can get away with on a daily basis. Not to mention all my other bullies, which includes a lot of the people who are working with us right now. You remember how they laughed at me before you came through, Clyde? Yeah, I'm done. I want what I want. If being nice means I get nothing, and that I get stomped on, used, abused, and fucked over, then I don't want to be nice anymore. Everyone around me has mistaken my kindness for weakness. That's something I've learned about people, Clyde: they mistake your kindness for weakness. Not anymore. And even if one of my ex-housemates, or all of them, did all this, I wouldn't forgive them. Not by a long shot. They can live with it after how long they've held grudges against me and picked on me for the tiniest bad thing I do. But if they wholeheartedly agreed to those conditions, and not just because I, you guys, or the police, or some other authority figure demanded it out of them, but because they genuinely felt like it was deserved, it'd be a start. But who am I kidding? Knowing my ex-housemates, that would never happen. You know what? Even though we're underage, we might as well get fake ID's and play the lottery, because you never know. We might just get lucky and be able to split 2 billion dollars amongst ourselves. And then skip town before anyone finds out what we did. And then, you and I, we could just fly away and let this piece of shit town fall to its own devices."

As Clyde dazedly stared at Lincoln, Lincoln admitted, "Look, I'm not a hateful guy. I don't WANT to hate anyone. And I guess… in an ideal world, like in the Ace Savvy comics, we'd make up, band together, and fight crime again, if you know what I mean. But unfortunately, dear Clyde, we live in the real world. And in the real world, those cunts aren't willing to face the facts of what they've done. They never are. So at this point, I might as well just force them, and Royal Woods as a whole, to respect me. Why should I bother showing mercy? Why are we even discussing something that's so blatantly obvious?"

Clyde sighed, "After everything mans have seen, I don't blame you, styll." As he walked away, he told Lincoln, "Take care of ya self. And remember, tomorrow."

Lincoln smiled, "Yeah, tomorrow," as he watched Clyde leave. When Clyde closed the door, he went back to working on his comic.

As Clyde walked downstairs to join the others, Paige asked him, "So, did you tell him? You know, what we talked about earlier today."

Clyde sighed, "Yo, I tried. But a man said even if the Loud gyaldem apologized, he wouldn't squash the beef. I'd still lowe Lori if she admitted she was acting waste."

Paige groaned, "What is it with you and Lori? You have literally our entire grade, and some girls from other grades, all wanting to be your girlfriend!"

Clyde admitted, "That's a true ting. But Lincoln's been my Day 1. And ever since I knew Lori, she's been a sweetergyal. She was top ting in that house. She watched over Lincoln and them other gyals without even sweating. Look, mans know she let Marcus Quick pine. And that she's a bully. But at least one of those gyals has to be sweeter, styll! Tings been scrappin the way they have, someone's gonna break."

Paige replied, "Yeah. Look, like I said with Lucy: if Lori admits that she was wrong, about everything, then we'll consider laying off on her. I mean, yeah, we're still gonna beat her up and yell at her… she deserves it after all those times she threatened to 'literally turn Lincoln into a human pretzel'." Clyde and Paige chuckled at Paige's reference before Paige continued, "But still, owning up to what you did wrong is the first step to redemption. We've all done it with each other over the past week or so. And if we can do it, Lucy and Lori should be able to do it too."

Clyde nodded, "Yeah, but until then, mans have to stay on a parro ting, styll."

(Time Skip: 8:00 PM, Loud House, Dining Room)

Officer Schoffner shifted her eyes between the Loud sisters who were now all present at the main dining table and the images of the Loud parents flashing on Lori's phone. Officer Schoffner's face was ghost-white, her eyes were wide, and she felt goosebumps throughout her body as she struggled to process what the Loud sisters had told her.

Lori's fart broke the silence, prompting Officer Schoffner to sigh, "So… to recap: your sister, Luan, who is currently in Royal Woods Hospital's Emergency Room, burned down the Crowley house because she thought it was April Fools' Day. Luan commits extremely violent and dangerous pranks annually on April Fools' Day. Previous efforts to contain her were unsuccessful due to Luan escaping every single one of them, including physical confinement In response, you girls apprehended Luan, fed her synthetic Colon Storm much more potent than the original Max Strength Colon Storm, and made her wipe her butt with toilet paper from a gympie-gympie plant, which is allegedly painful enough to have caused a World War II-era Australian soldier to shoot himself?"

The Loud sisters nodded. In response, Officer Schoffner gulped in horror before frantically writing on her notepad ideas on what to do about the situation.

After pondering what to do for a couple of minutes, Officer Schoffner panted, "This might sound absolutely crazy, but I'm not going to charge or arrest any of you. Including Luan."

The Loud sisters gasped, "What?"

Officer Schoffner sighed, "Given the situation, it appears to me that your actions constituted the only reasonable method of self-defense available to you at the time. In addition, if the reports on Luan's pain are true, then I believe that she, in layman's terms, 'got what she deserved.' Especially considering she is currently receiving medical treatment."

Officer Schoffner stood up and walked away from the Louds, telling them, "I'll tell the rest of the department to call off the investigation. It seems like this whole thing settled itself. If you ask me, dealing with even one day of the pain of being stung by a gympie-gympie plant the way Luan has is more painful than any sentence a judge might hand down. Especially with her being a juvenile. Have a good night," before closing the front door and walking away from the Loud House.

Lynn Sr. chirped, "Good thinking there, Lise!"

Lisa smirked, "Pish-posh. All in a day's work," before asking, "How's Luan?"

Lynn Sr. explained, "Terrible. They're still X-raying her to determine the extent of the damage. At this rate we'll probably be here all night. Speaking of night… you guys have to get to bed."

The Loud sisters whined, "Dad!", causing Lynn Sr. to nervously stutter, "Ooh, aah, um, goodnight!," before hanging up on his daughters.

After Lynn Sr. hung up, Lori sighed, "Alright, guys, get ready for bed."

After everyone walked upstairs, Lana noticed Lisa working on a new laser-based machine. She gawked, "Whoa, Lisa, what 'cha workin' on there?"

Lisa replied, "You know, seventh-eldest sororal unit, thanks to our cleanup efforts after… erm… Luan's series of attacks, I never got the chance to properly express my gratitude for your construction of the extra ensuite bathrooms in our bedroom and our parental units' bedroom."

Lana smiled, "Aww, you're welcome, Lise."

Lisa continued, "As a way of expressing my gratitude, I have decided to construct this machine for you and I to operate when we eventually apprehend Marcus Quick and his criminal associates."

Lana chirped, "OK, cool!", before asking, "What does it do?"

Lisa started, "Excellent question. Lana… allow me to introduce you to the world's first loopkilling machine."

Lana cheered, "A loopkilling machine?! Awesome! So we're going to kill Marcus Quick while he's riding loops on the roller coaster?"

Lisa replied, "Erm… not exactly. I'm referring to the computing definition of a loop. A loop, in computing, is a series of instructions that is continually repeated until a certain condition is reached. What this means, my dear animal-loving sororal unit, is that this machine will be able to kill a person, and then revive them just to kill them again."

Lana gasped in shock as Lisa continued, "I am aiming to be able to repeat this process an infinite number of times. There is a saying amongst those who kill truly heinous individuals that their only regret was that they could only kill them once. My machine aims to rectify that."

Lana summarized, "Wait… you're going to kill someone, bring them back to life, and then kill them again?! And just keep doing it?!"

Lisa responded, "Precisely."

Lana's jaw dropped before she started evilly chuckling, "Oh. Ho! Oh-ho-ho-ho! That way, we can torture and kill Marcus Quick and everyone else who was behind this as much as we want!" She then hugged Lisa and cried, "Lisa, you're amazing! I love you!"

Lisa deadpanned, "If you would stop crushing every part of my spinal cord, I would greatly appreciate it."

Lana paused for a split-second before Lisa clarified, "Release me."

When Lana released her hug, she asked Lisa, "What even gave you the idea to do this?"

Lisa asked Lana, "Have you ever heard of a concept called 'overclocked nerves'?"

Lana asked Lisa, "Overclocked nerves? What's that?"

Lisa reminded Lana, "Remember what we've been doing to Lucy over the past couple of days?"

Lana remembered, "Oh yeah," before gasping, "Wait… that?!"

Lisa nodded, "Yes. It's an experimental type of torture that uses technology to enhance your pain perception far beyond what humans can perceive naturally, thousands of times over to the point. Taken to its maximum potential, your own heartbeat would feel like being eviscerated with a shotgun repeatedly."

Lana stared at Lisa in confusion. Lisa clarified, "You'd feel like your entire body was being pulled out of you through your mouth, all the time."

Lana gagged, "Eww," before cheering, "I love it!"

Lisa smiled, "I'm pleased you feel that way. Now, I think you'd also be pleased to know that with a lot of my technology back online, I've been able to deduce who Marcus Quick's co-conspirators are. And honestly, it's frightening me."

Lana asked, "What? Why?"

Lisa explained, "Well, like I told you yesterday, I'm forming a hypothesis that Marcus Quick and his associates didn't act alone. And that this action may not have been of their own accord."

Lana trembled, "What are you saying?"

Lisa summarized, "I have reason to suspect that, as much as I didn't want to admit it, our third- and fifth-eldest sibling units might be right. Someone made Marcus and his associates do what he did. I may even start exploring the hypothesis that said superior might have also kidnapped Lincoln, instead of Marcus Quick himself. In other words, seventh-eldest sibling unit, this could run much deeper than we think it does."

Lana gasped, "Oh my god! What are we going to do?!"

Lisa consoled, "Fear not, Lana. I feel like I am scientifically close to distilling luck into a formula that will keep our family's luck at optimal levels on a permanent basis. Once I figure out how to do that, I will administer it to us all. Depending on how much time we have, it might be in the form of a pill, a drink, or even an injection. And from there, we can proceed."

Lana paled before Lisa continued, "Don't be scared, Lana. I won't have you guys strapped to a chair getting needles tomorrow."

Lana harrumphed, "Easy for you to say."

Lisa told Lana, "Let me show you something." Lana and Lisa then walked to Lisa's desk. When they got there, Lisa pulled a very thick binder off a shelf and put it on the desk, which made an audible "Thud" sound.

Lisa opened the binder and explained, "This binder contains all of my attempts to produce a formula that can consistently manufacture what you simpletons refer to as 'luck.' This binder, so far, is 500 pages thick, seventh-eldest sibling unit. 500 pages. Alas, in an alternate timeline where you Cro-Magnons did not insist on me producing a readily available one-time formula for infinite luck for the rest of our natural lifespans, the probability of Marcus Quick and his nefarious associates posing a threat to us would be zero. Ergo, why I must produce the 'formula of fortune' before I proceed."

Lana sighed, "I guess you're right. I mean, Marcus can't hurt us if we have good luck."

Lisa continued, "Precisely. Once every family unit produces the 'formula of fortune' naturally in our bloodstreams, I will see to it that we bust the conspiracy open, send out drones to neutralize the conspirators, and then strap them into my loopkilling torture device. Once that is done, Lana, I will allow you to have as much fun with them as you want."

Lana cheered, "Ho-ho-ho! This is going to be good!"

Lisa nodded, "Indeed. Now, in order to secure our power over our other family units, I recommend that you begin construction of an ensuite bathroom in Lori's sleeping quarters. If Lori discovers our role in the provision of said bathroom, I predict that she will be grateful enough that she lets us ride in Vanzilla for free. Though it is most dangerous, due to its numerous flaws, it is still an ideal option, when compared with the alternatives."

Lana scoffed, "Big whoop. You know I can repair Vanzilla if it breaks down."

Lisa added, "That's precisely the reason Lori's bathroom will be your next assignment. Now, you run along. If you need help staying awake, just knock on my door. I can produce something for you very quickly."

Lana gave a thumbs-up as she smiled, "Got it!" She then left the room and waved, "Bye, Lisa!"

(Scene Change: Royal Woods Hospital, Room 118, 9:30 PM)

Dr. Harris sadly informed Luan, who was gulping down water to replace that which she had lost from dehydration, "Yup… those gympie-gympie needles are REALLY in there. Can't even be plucked out by tweezers. You're gonna need a lot of hair-removal wax strips to remove the finer hairs. Now, I must warn you, this is going to hurt a lot."

Luan's eyes widened in horror and her stomach rumbled.

Dr. Harris urged her, "Hold it in, please!"

As Luan groaned, Rita urged Lynn Sr., "Honey, get Ol' Slushie!"

Lynn Sr. panted, "On it!", before lifting Luan up and making her sit on the poop bucket. As he held Luan up, Luan continued to shriek in unbearable agony.

(Time Skip: Tuesday, October 11, 7:00 AM, Lucy's Room)

As Lucy's alarm rang, she deadpanned, "Sigh."

Lynn Jr. yawned and replied, "Whatever, spooky."

Lucy walked out of her room to the bathroom line and noticed no line. She gasped, "No line for the bathroom. Great," before walking right in.

However, Lucy genuinely gasped in shock and horror when she opened the bathroom door. Lucy saw Lori beaten up, bloodied, and bruised all over her body as she hung lifeless by what appeared to be a thin thread of rope. Her neck showed strangulation marks. Upon inhaling the air, Lucy grimaced, "Gag," when she noticed that it smelled like a combination of feces and rotten egg. Lucy then turned to the bathroom mirror and noticed that the text, "LITERALLY THE WORST LUCK" had been scrawled in blood. When the blood melted away, Lucy recoiled and said to herself, "This can't be. This can't be."

A few seconds later, Lucy heard three loud knocks on the door, and Lynn Sr. joyfully proclaim, "I'll get it!" Lynn Sr. walked to the front door in his underwear before opening the door. When he opened it, he saw a Lincoln-sized squirrel suit standing before him. The squirrel suit appeared to be perfectly clean and free of stains.

Lynn Sr. sighed in relief and smiled, "Lincoln… thank god, you're back! Now, come on! I'm making breakfast for the fam, and I need your good luck!"

However, the squirrel suit did not move, or even respond, to what Lynn Sr. said.

A confused Lynn Sr. muttered, "Lincoln? Lincoln?"

He then motioned to touch the squirrel suit and stuttered, "C-c-come o-on sport. W-we-", before the squirrel suit suddenly pulled a chainsaw out from its back pocket and revved up the engine.

Lynn Sr. nervously laughed, "Heh-heh, what are you planning on doing with that-", before screaming in horror and agony as the mascot clad in the squirrel suit used the chainsaw to kill Lynn Sr. The squirrel suit mascot used the chainsaw to chop off Lynn Sr.'s head and dismember his body by cutting his limbs from his torso. Once that was done, the squirrel suit mascot suit detached Lynn Sr.'s feet and hands from his legs and arms respectively, and then, detached his toes and fingers from his feet and hands. Once Lynn Sr. had been killed and dismembered, with blood flowing from his body, the squirrel suit mascot proceeded to send flesh and blood splattering all over the house's floors and walls before removing Lynn Sr.'s internal organs. It then let out a muffled, sadistic laugh before putting Lynn Sr.'s dismembered body parts and organs into a black trash bag and walking into the kitchen. Once that was done, it poured Lynn Sr.'s remains onto a plate before putting plastic wrap over said plate and putting it in the microwave to cook for 3 minutes.

As Lynn Sr.'s body cooked in the microwave, Rita entered the room and gasped, "Lincoln!" She then ran over to the squirrel suit and hugged it, crying, "My good luck charm! You're-", before the squirrel suit mascot manifested the chainsaw from its back pocket and dismembered Rita in much the same way it dismembered Lynn Sr. By the time the squirrel suit mascot had finished turning Rita's body into a grisly mess, it heard three beeps from the microwave, and said to itself, "Ah, perfect, breakfast is ready." It then opened the microwave and noticed hot blood bubbling underneath Lynn Sr.'s microwaved body parts. While some body parts had remained intact, the hot blood had mixed with other parts of Lynn Sr.'s flesh to create a grisly-looking mix.

At that moment, Lucy heard Luna ask from her room, "Dude, did you hear something?"

Lola yelled, "Whatever it was, it DISRUPTED MY BEAUTY SLEEP!"

Lynn Jr. grumbled, "I'm gonna go downstairs and check it out."

Lucy didn't have time to react or get out of the way before her sisters stampeded her to get downstairs. Fortunately, Lucy got up immediately after being trampled and followed her sisters downstairs. When the remaining Loud sisters arrived downstairs, they froze and gasped at what they saw: Rita's dismembered remains scattered all over the kitchen floor, her blood leaking from said remains onto the kitchen floor, Lynn Sr.'s remains mixed into some sort of messed-up breakfast dish, and the squirrel suit mascot itself standing in the midst of it.

Luan punned, "Jesus, Lincoln, we were lost without you! Hahahaha, get it?! But seriously, welcome home!"

The squirrel suit mascot remained silent. In response, Luan punned, "Lincoln, don't make me burrow in there to get you out! Hahaha, get it?!", to the groaning of her siblings. She then started, "But seriously-", before Lynn Jr. shoved her out of the way and scoffed, "Let a pro handle this!" She then approached the squirrel suit mascot and told it, "Welcome back, Stinkoln," before punching it on the arm. She then scolded the squirrel suit mascot, "Where have you been? I need you for my game!"

The rest of the Loud sisters murmured in agreement.

Leni screamed, "I need you for my fashion show, Linky!"

Luna yelled, "I need you for my gig, dude!"

Luan punned, "I'd go nuts if you didn't show up to the comedy club!"

Lana begged, "Now that you're back, please help me eat Marcus Quick! Please please please!", before rapidly shaking her head and grinding her teeth together like a dog.

Lola shrieked, "I NEED YOU TO MAKE ME BEAUTIFUL AGAIN!"

Lisa claimed, "With your good luck, this family has an estimated 99.9 percent of chance of being successful in all its future endeavors. With that fact established, I request that you attend my latest scientific lecture on the effectiveness of torture."

Lily babbled, "Incin Bak! Goo wuk bak!"

As the rest of the sisters shouted over each other to try to get the attention of whatever was in the squirrel suit, the squirrel suit remained still.

Leni concernedly walked up to the squirrel suit and asked it, "Linky… are you OK?"

However, right when Leni touched the squirrel suit, the squirrel suit immediately pulled a rusty dagger out of its back pocket and used it to skin Leni alive. All of the other Loud siblings tried to stop the squirrel suit, but the squirrel suit easily flung all 9 of them onto different walls of the house. One of the siblings, Lily, got tossed into a pot that Lincoln used telepathy to turn on. As Lincoln returned to skinning Leni alive, Lily screamed in agony before ultimately being deep-fried. The Loud siblings were so terrified by what they saw that they scattered to different corners of the house to escape the deranged squirrel suit killer.

After skinning Leni alive and putting Leni's skin on top of the Lynn Sr. plate, the squirrel suit chased down Luna in the dining room before proceeding to chop off her ears with a rusty dagger. After chopping off Luna's ears, the squirrel suit shoved her trusty Axe down her throat. Just as the squirrel suit sensed that Luna was about to be decapitated, the squirrel suit violently pulled the Axe out of Luna's throat, decapitating her and taking practically all of her internal organs with it. Luna died instantly as her blood flooded the carpet.

Once that was done, the squirrel suit grabbed a bottle of cyanide and Colon Storm Extra Strength pills from the medicine cabinet and put them in its front pocket.

As the squirrel suit turned around, Lynn Jr. confronted it by roaring, "HEY, STINKOLN!", before taking a swing with a metal baseball bat.

However, the squirrel suit effortlessly caught Lynn Jr.'s arm and made her hit herself with her own metal, spiked baseball bat. Once Lynn Jr. was sufficiently dazed, she groaned in pain as the squirrel suit pointed to the backyard. When Lynn Jr. looked to the backyard, she saw that the backyard had seemingly expanded infinitely, and that a seemingly unending angry mob of people were staring her down with torches, pitchforks, baseball bats, and medieval torture devices.

The squirrel suit mockingly whispered to Lynn Jr., "Run," before hitting Lynn Jr. hard enough with the spiked baseball bat to render her immobile.

As the squirrel suit ran off to find more victims, the angry mob pried the door open before beating Lynn Jr. to near-death. They ultimately finished the job by curbstomping her on the steps to the backyard's patio, breaking all her teeth and killing her instantly. The crowd then dismembered Lynn Jr.'s entire body and disemboweled her before cheering as they took the pieces of Lynn Jr.'s dismembered body home as trophies. A couple of people in the crowd even ate some of Lynn Jr.'s internal organs.

When the squirrel suit turned around, it found Luan awaiting it with a napalm and C3-laced pie ready to be thrown. However, the squirrel suit had prepared for this eventuality, and out of it came the livid ghosts of the four Crowley family members who Luan had killed the previous day. The spirits of the four Crowley family members proceeded to immediately possess Luan and make her turn her pie on herself, causing her head to explode off her body. Bits and pieces of Luan's flesh and skull littered the ground floor of the house as the rest of Luan's body slumped to the ground. As if that wasn't enough, the spirits of the Crowley family also came out of Luan's body with the entirety of her internal organs, rendering Luan as the fifth Loud to be disemboweled that day. Immediately afterward, a demonic laugh could be heard from the spot Luan's body was as hellfire rose out of the Loud House's floor and a demonic hand consumed Luan's body into the flames. Immediately after the hand consumed Luan's body, the flames disappeared.

The squirrel suit kept walking before Lana jumped at it from her hiding place underneath the living room couch, yelling, "AY YI YI YI YI YI!" However, the squirrel suit quickly caught her out of the corner of its eye and knocked her back into the wall on the farthest side of the living room, instantly knocking her out. As the squirrel suit stalked towards Lana, Lola also attempted to jump on it from a hiding spot in another corner of the sofa. However, the squirrel suit effortlessly caught Lola in midair and repeatedly punched her in the face, causing her to bleed and bruise all over her face and knocking her out. The squirrel suit then carried Lola to Lana and then laid the two out on the living room carpet. Once the squirrel suit laid Lola and Lana next to each other, the squirrel suit used the chainsaw to chop off all of Lola's hair before sawing Lola and Lana in half. Once Lola and Lana were sawed in half, the squirrel suit put the top half of Lana's body onto the bottom half of Lola's body, and vice versa.

The squirrel suit then turned around to see Lisa standing directly in front of it. Although Lisa approached the squirrel suit blank-faced, her eyes and body language screamed protective fury. However, that did not phase the squirrel suit, as it pulled its pill bottle out of its pocket, opened it, and shoved about 25 cyanide pills and 25 Colon Storm Extra Strength pills down Lisa's throat. When Lisa swallowed, she scoffed, "Really, male sibling unit? Pills? Is that the best you can-", before quicky falling to the ground as she grabbed her head in pain. Lisa fell faint and short of breath as she started to retch. As Lisa's heart rate and blood pressure started to drop, her face turned red, then purple, then grey as she desperately gasped for air with the strength that she had. Lucy watched in horror as Lisa struggled for her last breaths before eventually losing consciousness and dying. The squirrel suit then turned to Lucy, causing her to gasp in horror.

Before Lucy could get a word out, Lincoln proceeded to pull out his spiked metal baseball bat and beat Lucy with it. The first swing knocked all of Lucy's teeth out. The second swing broke her nose. Subsequent swings to each of her eyes blinded her, and further swings caused them to swell up to the size of tennis balls. Lincoln continued to swing the bat at every part of Lucy's body until she was howling in pain. Lincoln broke Lucy's arms and legs, dislocated her shoulders, left her with deep bruises all over her torso and back, and broke at least 30 other bones and tendons in Lincoln's legs. Lincoln also struck Lucy's feet and each of her toes with them, breaking crucial ligaments and rendering Lucy immobile. Lincoln also whacked Lucy with the baseball bat on each of her buttocks, rendering her unable to sit. And then, an apparition that looked like Melissa Fletcher joined in and returned to her physical form. She arrived at the grimacing from of Lucy and growled at her, "Get up."

Lucy groaned in pain and tried to move her feet to stand up to no avail. When Melissa saw this, she roared, "I SAID GET THE FUCK UP!", before she and Lincoln tag-teamed to beat up Lucy all over her body. They struck Lucy so fast she couldn't effectively defend any part of her body. It was also during this time that Lincoln used the baseball bat to strike Lucy's vocal chords multiple times while Melissa continued to punch Lucy's face. This rendered Lucy unable to scream or even talk audibly. When Lucy's face was bloodied and bruised beyond recognition, she spat blood as she silently begged, "Lincoln… please…", to which Lincoln and Melissa bitterly laughed at her.

Lincoln yelled at Lucy, "It's a good thing I shut you the fuck up. Now, for once, you can listen to me."

Lucy squeaked, "L-L-L-Lincoln… h-h-how c-could y-you?"

The squirrel suit bitterly cackled, "How could I? How could I? How could you?"

Lucy started, "Lincoln, I-", before the squirrel suit interrupted her, "Shove it, spooky. You black… dark… emo… suicidal… depressed… fucking hypocrite."

Lucy whimpered, "Lincoln, please!"

The squirrel suit bitterly laughed, "You know, you should have fully bought into your persona and killed yourself before I got you. Would have saved me… and you… a lot of trouble."

Lucy whispered, "No, no," to which the squirrel suit interrupted her sarcastically, "Yes, yes." The squirrel suit then took off its mascot head, revealing a demonic-looking Lincoln. Unlike the Lincoln the Louds had come to know, THIS version of Lincoln had a dark, black cowlick, and soulless eyes with red pupils. Lincoln also had an evil smirk with sharp fangs replacing his teeth.

Lincoln sarcastically remarked, "Woo… was really suffocating in there. Was really nasty and smelly, too. So glad I can breathe now." He then turned to Lucy and growled, "But you won't. Very, very soon, you won't. You wanted to join the dead… this is your chance!"

Lucy asked, "Lincoln? Why?!"

Lincoln yelled, "Why?! WHY?! Hmm… let's see here… you cunts, you absolute fucking cunts, locked me in this suit because according to you all, I was bad! Fucking! Luck! All because I didn't want to come to your stupid motherfucking events! You lock me out of the house and sell my furniture, INCLUDING ALL YOUR GODDAMN ANIMALS, who you treat better than me, a FUCKING HUMAN BEING, and you expect me to think this is a lesson for lying?!"

Lucy pleaded with Lincoln, "But you are bad luck! OK, how about this, spare me, and I'll give you a ritual that will rid you of bad luck forever! We can be good luck forever! You and me!"

Lincoln bitterly laughed, "No, no, no. See, you think I'm a fool. You think I don't know how this works. You think that I'm naïve enough to believe that at the first opportunity you get, you won't betray me. You remember Princess Pony, huh? How I fucking covered for you?"

Lucy started, "Lincoln, I-", before Lincoln interrupted her, "The Sister Fight Protocol? The box of cereal at the Super Mart? The swimming pools? The earbuds? The Sweet Spot? Camp Mastodon? The picture? The underwear? The pool? The money? Eating my fucking chocolates for my fucking school project, which led to me almost being killed by everyone at school? The Sadie Hawkins dance? The limo? Making me freak out at Grand Venture State Park? Smashing my school projects just so you could get with your widduh crush? After you hooked me up with a bully? Blaming me for the shit you lazy assholes are supposed to do? Treating me like a waste of time when I tried to help you, yet insisting I take your advice or else you guys beat me up, blackmail me, or does who knows what else? Taking out all your fucking trash, when you twats are the pieces of trash? The CONSTANT FUCKING BULLYING?"

Lucy mouthed, "Lincoln, it was your-", causing Lincoln and Melissa to grow even more enraged and punch and kick her all over her body for 30 more seconds.

Lincoln snapped, "Shut. The. Fuck. Up. Bitch. And as if all that fucking shit isn't enough, you go on and not only lock me out of my house all night, but sell my fucking furniture. All because I wanted some fucking free time, you fucking pricks! I guess you forgot: family sticks together. By blood, Lucy. By fucking blood."

Lucy tried to blame, "Lincoln, you-", before Lincoln interrupted her by yelling at her, "Let me put it this way for you, you selfish fuck: how would you like it if all that shit happened to you?! What the fuck would you do?!"

As realization dawned on Lucy, Lincoln raised a huge dagger over Lucy's head as he proclaimed, "Today, Lucy, you pay your due. You pay your blood oath. Good riddance. See you in hell. And remember, 'I have no sister.' I never had a sister."

Lucy gasped as the knife descended on her, and her world faded to black.

Dream ends

(Scene Change: Tuesday, October 11, 1:13 AM, Loud House, Lucy's Room)

Lucy woke up in a cold sweat, breathing heavily and feeling genuine fear for the first time in her life. She gazed at her hand and allowed herself to embrace the fact that she was still breathing. She quickly turned on the light, gazed in the mirror, and noticed that she only bore the same bodily scars that she had from both Luan's pranks and Lisa's torture when she went to sleep that night. For the first time in a long time, Lucy was glad that she was alive.

However, Lucy's happiness was quickly interrupted when she heard Lily crying. When Lucy heard Lily's cries, she murmured to herself, "Oh no." The next moment, Lynn Jr. slammed the door open to reveal her and the other Loud sisters hardly glaring at her.

As Lucy yelped in fright, Lynn Jr. roared, "LUCY… SHUT THE FUCK UP!"

The rest of the Loud sisters yelled in agreement.

Lori farted as she screamed, "What the hell is wrong with you?", before realizing what she did and proclaiming, "That was my fucking shoe!"

Leni scolded, "You woke up Lily!"

Luna snapped, "Dude, not cool!"

Lana pointed out, "We're not all nocturnal, you know!"

Lola shrieked, "YOU MESSED UP MY BEAUTY SLEEP!"

Lisa threatened, "Do you want me to experiment on you with Paraponera clavata, Lucy? It'll be my lullaby!"

Lily babbled, "Bah Usy!"

Lucy curled into her blanket and groaned, "I'm surrounded by idiots."

Lynn Jr. stomped over to Lucy's bed and growled while raising her fist, "Oh, you're going to be surrounded, alright!"

However, Lola and Leni moved to restrain Lynn Jr., yelling, "STOP IT!"

Lynn Jr. started, "She-", before Lori sighed, "We already have one sister, possibly one brother, and both our parents in the hospital. We don't need any more. Come on guys, let's go to bed. Lynn, the more you sleep, the better you'll play at practice."

As the rest of the Loud sisters walked back to their rooms, they grumbled amongst themselves about how Lucy would like to be kept awake by their antics at night.

Lynn Jr. shook her fist and threatened Lucy, "Tomorrow… you're getting it," before walking away.

After the Loud sisters slammed their doors shut, Lucy got up from her bed and moved to turn the lights off before she caught her orange book out of the corner of her eyes. Out of sheer compulsion, she tiptoed towards it before she heard Lola threatening her, "LUCY! LIGHTS OUT, NOW! I NEED MY BEAUTY SLEEP!"

Lucy said to herself, "Sigh," before walking to the light switch and turning the room light off. Lucy started to walk to her bed when she again turned around as she got the urge to open her backpack. To avoid detection, Lucy grabbed her phone and turned on its flashlight before tiptoeing to Lincoln's photo album. When she opened the album, she saw a compilation of photos of herself and Lincoln. The photos seemed to date even before the beginning of Lucy's life, as the first photo showed a 2-year-old Lincoln patting Rita's tummy when Lucy was inside it. Lucy looked at the photos of Lincoln holding and playing with a baby version of her and smiled. She even chuckled when she saw the picture of Lucy jumpscaring Lincoln for the first time. She softly chuckled to herself, "Maybe I shouldn't have done that, but so worth it."

On the very next page after that picture, Lucy saw a crudely-drawn picture from a then 6-year-old Lincoln showcasing his entire family. It took up the whole page. Stick drawings of herself, Lynn Sr., a pregnant Rita, Lori, Leni, Luna, Luan, Lynn Jr., Lincoln, and baby versions of Lola and Lana holding hands on the green lawn with their house right behind them on a sunny day made Lucy's eyes water.

Lucy then flipped through pictures of Lincoln taking part in her rituals, reading Ace Savvy to her, and Lincoln celebrating his sisters' and parents' accomplishments. There were pictures of the siblings and parents during their various Halloween, Thanksgiving, Christmas, and Easter celebrations together. There were even pictures of Lincoln's more embarrassing moments… the ones Lucy and the rest of her sisters reminisced about when Lincoln tried to recreate all those photos with Clyde & his friends after the so-called "Lincoln Library" was erased from Lisa's cloud the previous summer. Lucy let out small, strained, sniffled chuckles at those photos.

On the two final pages that Lucy had filled in with photos, Lucy saw some photos that meant a lot to her and Lincoln. On the left page, the top left picture was one of Lincoln posing next to his "Most Improved Brother" trophy. She sighed to herself, "Sigh. He was the best brother. Never the most improved." Beside that picture was one of Lincoln eating Burpin' Burger with his siblings in the limo he won in the previous summer's mustard contest. The bottom left picture on that page was one of Lincoln teaching Clyde how to be a big brother by babysitting his younger siblings. Finally, a picture of the Louds and all of Lori and Leni's friends celebrating Lori's 17th birthday in the living room the previous spring adorned the bottom right corner of the page. However, when Lucy saw the right page, she began to tear up. First, Lucy also saw a copy of the family picture the Loud siblings had taken for their parents' anniversary that summer. To the right of that picture, Lucy saw a picture she had taken of the geyser at Grand Venture State Park. Lucy remembered how she had spoiled Lincoln's vacation to Grand Venture State Park by telling him "tragedy would befall him" earlier that day, and also remembered the glow in his eyes and how smug he was when he told his family that he had seen the geyser. While those pictures made her blink her eyes to hold her tears back, they did not prepare her for the final two pictures in her book. On the bottom left corner of the page, Lucy saw a photo of Lincoln in his Ace Savvy costume the night before she clogged the toilet. Lucy remembered that Lincoln was beaming with anticipation for his convention that weekend, and she remembered the disappointment in his eyes when Lynn Sr. grounded him for taking the blame for clogging the toilet with Lucy's Princess Pony book. As Lucy started to sniffle and cry, she saw the book's final picture: Lincoln, still in his Ace Savvy costume, taking a selfie with both Lucy and the comic she bought for him. As Lucy remembered everything that transpired during the time those two pictures were taken, tears ran down her cheeks. When Lucy flipped back to the crudely-drawn picture 6-year-old Lincoln had drawn of their family at the time, she closed the book before openly weeping into her pillow.

Lucy panted to herself through tears, "What have I done? What have we done? We were supposed to be his family… and we cast him aside like nothing? And worse, we gave his possessions to people who hate us? After everything he did, and does, for me? For us? What is wrong with us? What is wrong with me?"

Lucy then re-opened Lincoln's photo album and viewed every picture one more time. When Lucy closed the book for the second time, a slight smile adorned her face as she said to herself, "Though I'd curse the family if they did something like that to me, that's one thing I've got to give Lincoln: he'd never do that. When push comes to shove, he always comes through for us, and always puts his desires aside to make us happy. He slept outside and endured a humiliating squirrel mascot costume just to make sure we had good luck. Just to protect us. Even after he admitted he lied. We have to do the same for him. I've got to do something about this, but my parents and siblings are going to kill me if I'm up any longer and make any noise."

As Lucy wracked her brain for a solution, she gasped in realization. She then shined her phone's flashlight onto her door, as if she was looking for intruders, before tiptoeing to her school backpack on her room's desk and opening it as quietly as she could. Lucy quickly stuffed Lincoln's photo album in the back pouch of her backpack before tiptoeing back to her bed and lying down.

As Lucy tucked herself in, she proposed to herself, "What if I could make Lincoln good luck? Not just having good luck for himself like my last spell, but giving others good luck as well? Yeah, that's what I'm going to do. Tomorrow night, after I'm done all my homework, I'm going to search through that Ancient Book of Spells for the spell I need. Something that'll make Lincoln good luck to us no matter what he chooses to do. I don't know why I didn't think of this earlier, but it doesn't matter now. I could ask the Morticians Club for help on Wednesday after school. From there, I'll tell my parents that I made Lincoln good luck unconditionally, and we'll do what we can to find him. And until we can find him and bring him home, I hope the spirits keep him safe."

Meanwhile, high above the Loud House, Great-Grandma Harriet's face softened at Lucy's change in attitude. While she wasn't smiling yet, Harriet seemed more relaxed and blankly whispered, "You're getting there, great-granddaughter. You're getting there."

Closing A/N: Thanks for over 145 favorites, 160 followers, and 700 reviews as of the release of this chapter! Luan and the Loud sisters dodged another bullet, and Lucy's starting to get it! But, oh, poor, poor Lucy… if only you knew.

A/N 2: Clyde calling himself "Mr. Boombastic" was just something I had to do. I kept laughing at the idea of Lincoln & Clyde having a walkie-talkie conversation where Clyde calls himself "Mr. Boombastic" and Lincoln "Beenie Man."

A/N 3: The "loopkilling" and "overclocked nerves" concepts came from Saccharine Melody, who in turn, got it from one of his acquaintances. So, whoever that acquaintance is, shoutout to you!

A/N 4: So, one of the ideas I had before settling on my "Reversal of Fortune" idea as an NSL revenge fic was an NSL-themed slasher fic where Lincoln turned himself into the "Squirrel Suit Killer," and killed his entire family one-by-one horror movie-style as revenge for NSL. I felt like it'd be too corny as a whole story, but when I talked to Saccharine Melody about it, I then realized that I could reuse my original idea as a nightmare. So, there you have it: what could have been. As Lucy's nightmare.

A/N 5 (January 15, 2023): Regarding recent reviews that I'm repeating the same concept from Chapter 11: READ THE LAST 2 PARAGRAPHS CAREFULLY. The difference between Lucy's original luck spell in Chapter 11 and the one she planned now is that in Lucy's original luck spell in Chapter 11, Lucy intended for Lincoln to have good luck just for himself. This new luck spell that Lucy's intending to cast on Lincoln would make him a good luck charm to at least his own family, no matter what he chooses to do. In Lucy's mind, the new luck spell would effectively mean that Lincoln doesn't have to wear the squirrel suit anymore or be forced into coming to his family's events or staying away from them, depending on how lucky he's perceived to be.

Anyway, will Lincoln's feelings towards his ex-housemates ever change? Are Lisa and Lana going to be unstoppable? And what will become of Luan, Lucy, and the Loud parents? Find out the answers to all these questions and more on… REVERSAL! OF! FORTUNE!