Chapter 37: I Give Up

(Peter)

Something that made me weird in my school's book club and I guess in the PJO fandom, in general, is that I don't have a favorite book in the PJO series, the same way parents don't have a favorite child.[1] In other words, I totally do, but I'm not telling anyone.

How can I choose when all the books are so good?

Battle of Labyrinth brings the focus back on my waifu, Annabeth, which was much needed after she was gone for most of the last book. Labyrinth also ties up important loose ends and has one of my favorite twists in PJO!

Sea of Monsters plays things closest to the Greek myths and seriously shines for it. Seeing Percy out at sea and in his element was so cool! Tyson's subplot and having Percy sneak into Clarisse's quest were unexpected developments and both really good!

And the Last Olympian. Fucking epic! God-Percy is OP never nerf! Hestia deserved the spotlight. And I mean did anyone think when they picked up Lightning Thief that this series was building up to a fucking retelling of the Trojan War?

Again.

Fucking EPIC!

Speaking of Lightning Thief…

Gods, Lightning Thief, the beginning of everything! It had me at chapter fucking 1! Needing to save Percy's mom, the quest, the fight against Ares at the end, all the world-building, finding out Luke betrayed them, it was all so fucking good!

Just…classic!

And then there's Titan's Curse.

It's good too. No denying that. It has a solid plot, really good focus, and introduces crowd favorites, Artemis and her hunters, plus the OC-babe magnets that are Apollo and Nico. I love the nods to Heracles and the run-in with Aphrodite. And it was super satisfying to see Percy and Annabeth really start to develop as a couple after all the buildup. (Percabeth for life!). Zoë offered a look of what it's like to adventure with a goddess. Thalia is fucking awesome. And Nico (ignoring what the fanfics do to him) turns into a cool character later.

So yeah, Titan's Curse is a really good addition to the series and a lot of people's favorite book. I know that. Still, I bet you can sense there's a big butt coming for Titan's Curse and maybe you even know what the problem is, or rather who it is. Cause the most important person in Titan's Curse isn't Percy, Nico, Thalia, Annabeth, or even Artemis. It's fucking Bianca.

No surprise, right? Everyone hates Bianca. Who ditches their kid brother to join a club they literally just heard about? It's an inhumane bitch move. Even if Nico in Titan's Curse is annoying as fuck, he's still her brother.

He's still family.

When I first read about Bianca 'dying', I thought that it was karma/guilt catching up with her. I thought Percy was wrong to feel bad about her death. Promise or no promise, it was 100% not Percy's fault that Bianca 'died'. She was the one who didn't follow the rules. And really, I was sure her 'death' was no big deal because there was no dead body or blood found after she 'died' and this was a kid's book. I knew she'd show back up eventually.

So, I kept on reading. I enjoyed the dam jokes, seeing Mr. D. actually be useful, and the fight on the Mountain of Despair. Everything was going well. Things were heating up but then…

Zoë dies.

It was in the prophecy and she became a constellation which was cool but she was still dead. And after Thalia decides to lead the hunters, we see Nico's reaction to Percy's broken promise, and learn Nico and Bianca are children of Hades. Around then, I started to see the truth:

Bianca was actually, truly, dead.

I didn't believe it though. I went back to the chapter where she died and reread it.

That's when I realized something else. Percy feels bad about Bianca's death, but everyone else including her new 'sister', Zoë, is pretty quick to label it as the prophecy coming true and move on. After a few dam jokes, things are basically back to normal. The books never forget Bianca's death. They treat it like a tragedy, but at the same time, it's not enough.

And it's not as if realizing all this, suddenly made me like Bianca. If I was actually into lost causes, I'd be a Luke fan, but I'm not. There's no liking Bianca (or Luke if you ask me). It's just…

Bianca was 12 when she died and she died without any real friends or parents she could count on and had already isolated herself from the only family who would be mourning her and I don't know.

It fucked me up, okay?

There are a lot of fucked up things in PJO. That's part of why I love the series. Anyone who is actually living knows life is fucking messy. Shit goes wrong all the time. Evil people like Gabe and fucking monsters pretending to be teachers are allowed to exist. Good people like Calypso and Zoë are allowed to suffer. And a confused 12-year-old who was just trying to find themselves is allowed to die in order to fulfill some prophecy out of their fucking control, leaving their kid brother to emo all over themselves to try and compensate for the loss.

I know now it was important to establish stakes and show that even heroes die, especially considering what was coming next for the series and that Bianca was practically made for easy fridging, but try explaining that to 12-year-old me.[2]

Try explaining why the bitchy sister who just wanted to help her brother finish his stupid Mythomagic collection had to die when the plot-armored older kid of the Big Three and the main fucking character, Percy Jackson, was right there and willing to do what needed doing.

Explain why she needed to die in a way that doesn't talk about character arcs, the greater plot, or poetic fucking justice.

You can't.

My mom tried.

My friends tried.

The internet tried.

But I didn't fucking believe any of them.

I picked up Battle of Labyrinth believing Nico was going to bring his sister back, but he doesn't because even in PJO, the dead stay dead.[3]

So yeah, I knew this was just a shitty ass-backward Mary Sue fanfic.

But this was a shitty ass-backward Mary Sue PJO fanfic and Grover…

Is in grave danger. If nothing is done, today will be another day where inaction becomes the tinder needed for misfortune and evil to spread.

"You're right," I said.

Being right is of little comfort.

"What was that, New Peter?" Eugene asked, looking up. "You done with your break already?"

I was. I was done with my break. I couldn't stand by and assume Miss Sunshine would handle everything for me. I couldn't do nothing while someone I knew and liked was in such deep shit. I wasn't fucking heartless.

Truly?

"Yes!" I exclaimed.

"Cool!" Eugene broke in, "Then can you help me with—"

"Eugene," I interrupted him, "are you sure there's no way for me to leave here early?"

"What?" Eugene demanded, "Didn't you hear me the first time? Yes, New Peter, I'm sure. I can't believe you're making me confirm that you can't ditch me. What happened to Mr. 'I never bail on my friends'? And who told you that you could drop my epithet?"

I closed my eyes. I liked Eugene. I did, but he needed to get a fucking clue. "Beardless Eugene, please. I'm trying to not bail on my friend who might actually die!"

"I told you, New Peter. It's too late to help him. I'm not trying to be mean or anything, but that's just the truth. So, instead of beating a dead goat, you could do something useful and help me," he finished sounding way too hopeful.[4]

I just stared at him.

"Fine," Eugene huffed, "I tried. Obviously, you need more time to pull yourself together. Just be quiet, alright? Some of us are actually trying to fulfill our promises."

He did not just say that!

My hands balled into fists.

Do not despair. The Paneid's help is not necessary.[5] There is another way.

I wasn't in despair. I was fucking pissed!

Understandable, but also unnecessary and detrimental to the plan.

"What plan!?" I snapped.

"New Peter," Eugene began.

"Shut up!" I shouted at him.

Eugene gave me the finger and went back to work.

I turned my back on him and walked to the edge of the room. Then in a much quieter voice, I repeated my question, "What plan?"

The plan for escape and the eventual rescue of the satyr and hunters. It will require focus, demigod abilities, and…trust.

"Trust?" I hissed. "You want me to trust you?"

For the time being.

For the time being? I could tell it was going to be more like forever. This was a devil's bargain and it went against what I'd been trying to do since I got here. Up until now, I'd thought learning how to be me again and staying here to fulfill the prophecy was the best way to protect myself and everyone else.

But Bianca had been right. I hadn't been making some kind of noble sacrifice for the greater good by refusing to help with the quest or try and get home. I had been running and hiding, acting more like Eugene than the person I used to be, the person I wanted to be.

But was this the answer?

To suddenly throw away all the work I'd done since coming to T.R.A.S.H. felt like…

Giving up?

Yeah. It felt like giving up on everything I had been fighting for here and accepting that my mind would never be mine again, all to try and save just one person.

…

"New Moon?"

Yes?

I took a breath and asked, "What do I have to do?"

About 10 minutes later, my preparations were complete. I stood in the center of the underwater workshop, concentrating on the golden tube door that led to the conveyor system. I had shifted most of the water away from it so that the tube was surrounded by a 3-inch cylinder ring of air. The only moisture in the ring was a tiny puddle around the bottom of the tube that was too small to reach out to any of the tank water I had pulled away.

"Alright," I said, "it's ready. Stand back!"

"New Peter, please man," Eugene begged, "whatever you're trying to do will be more trouble than it's worth. Just…stop."

I glanced back at him.

Eugene was chewing his lip which made him look even more like Grover than usual.

"I can't," I told him. I wasn't Percy Jackson or New Moon, but I wasn't Zoë Nightshade or Eugene either. I couldn't shake my head and act like the impending death of someone I knew was none of my affair. "I have to do this."

}Well put. Now, to action?{

"To action," I agreed.

I widened my stance and kept my left hand nice and steady. I was using it to hold the tank water in place. Then after a deep breath, I twisted my right hand upward, using the intricate swooping motion New Moon had taught me.

Nothing happened.

}Again and faster this time.{

I tried again. And again. And again. And again. And again. And again.

"Are you sure I can even do this?" I asked.

"No?" Eugene said tentatively. He had figured out by now that I mostly wasn't talking to him.

}Indeed, I am. I remember witnessing many a water naiad do this very trick. You are several times more powerful than they. Trust me, Peter Johnson. Trust yourself.{

Of all the cliché things to say…

Fine.

I closed my eyes and made the motion again, putting my all into it.

}Yes! That is it precisely! Onward!{

I opened my eyes and saw she was right. I'd just accomplished something Percy Jackson had never done:

I'd made steam![6]

I closed my eyes again and went back to it. I was just getting started!

Come on, steam!

Go!

Faster!

Hotter!

The heated steam started to push against the tank water. My left hand trembled, but I forced it to go still again, keeping up the barrier that was protecting me and Eugene from this experiment. Meanwhile, I was whipping my right hand around like a frantic conductor.

}Nearly there.{

I gritted my teeth.

Come on!

Fucking—!

}Now, Peter Johnson!{

I clenched my right hand into a fist and hammered it down. This was something I'd practiced with Percy plenty of times, so I knew even before I heard the metal scream that I had done it!

Good thing too, since I didn't have time to second guess myself. I needed my hands. I lifted both of them up to stop the metal shards from penetrating my water barrier and skewering me and Eugene. The explosion of metal and ice shoved me back. I fell on my butt, but still managed to keep my raw hands and the barrier up. It was enough. The metal bits bounced off of the surface tensioned water and fell to the ground.

}Success! It is over.{

I let my hands drop and the tank water immediately rushed in to fill in the unnatural air pocket. As I finally opened my eyes, Eugene spoke. His voice was hushed as he said, "You…broke it."

"Yeah!" I laughed. The rest of this workshop was made of a special super-strong translucent plastic, but T.R.A.S.H.'s tubes and conveyor belts were made from a gold alloy which was pretty, but not nearly as temperature-resistant. Heating the puddle water around the tube into superhot steam and then forcing that steam to freeze into super-cold ice in a matter of seconds had been too much for the metal. Thanks to me, the tube had shattered like a shitty sewer pipe in winter!

}Indeed. It was quite the feat, hopefully, the first of many. Now, shall we?{

"Hold on," I muttered to her. I stood up and turned to Eugene. "Do you wanna come with me?" I asked him.

Eugene licked his lips. Glancing at the piano and then me, he said, "You didn't ask me last time, but I…" Eugene's eyes got big before he looked down at the underwater piano again and gave it a pat. "I can't. I'm an artisan, not a hero, New Peter. My place is here. You'll just have to settle for me not reporting you this time."

"Okay," I said as my mood dropped. I had known that him saying yes was a long shot, but I was still disappointed and at a loss for what else I should say.

}Bid him farewell.{

Yeah, I knew that, but how? If Ally was here, we might have all hugged or something, but Eugene and I weren't like that, and hugging anyone besides my mom always felt a bit weird.

Eugene settled for a nod and said, "I'll miss you or whatever."

"Yeah, me too," I agreed, adding my own nod.

Eugene got back to work which I thought was a signal for me to leave this awkwardness behind, but then I heard him sniffle at the piano.

Fuck, was he crying?

"Eugene?"

"Yeah?" he basically growled at the ground.

Fuck it.

I couldn't just leave like this. I might never see Eugene again. Hell, if things went really wrong, I might die today, so I just went for it and said, "Thanks for showing me the ropes around here and giving me all those fic recs and…" I swallowed, "thanks for being my friend…I guess?"

}You guess?{

"You guess?" Eugene repeated, looking up at me with his eyebrows raised skeptically. We both ignored how red his eyes looked and the way his voice shook a bit as he said, "I'm worth 20 G-Man Grovers and we both know it. You just like trash."

"I love it," I said with a smile.

Eugene grinned back, seeming more like himself. "Now seriously, get the hell out of here, man. You're distracting me and you know I got a bet to win."

}It truly is time to go. The satyr awaits as do the hunters.{

"Alright, alright, I'm leaving. Good luck, Eugene!" I waved goodbye to him.

Eugene didn't really see it. He was supposedly working with his eyes closed. He gave me a half-hearted wave before I was gone.

Since the tube's lift system was broken, I had to use the tank water to help propel me up. Lucky for me, the hatch doors up top opened automatically, so I didn't have to awkwardly perform the same icy-hot trick again after already saying goodbye.

Right as the hatch doors closed, I heard Eugene whisper, "Good luck, Peter."

Then I splashed onto the floor of one of the conveyor belt coaster sections and immediately noticed how quiet the place was. I should have been hearing a bunch of excited screaming, but there was nothing. Without all the noise and artisans moving around, the twisting golden belts and Grecian columns were just a sad soulless machine.

}The hollers are probably at the trial as we should be.{

Right.

Right!

I hastily wiped my eyes. I needed to get going. Hopefully, and I can't believe I was thinking this, but hopefully Miss Sunshine was already at the trial doing her Sue thing. Even so, I needed to be there too.

}In case Andromeda's attempts to save the satyr and the hunters prove just as fruitless as the efforts of the Percy Jackson of your lore{

"Exactly," I agreed as I scanned above me for…

There!

I spotted a nearby silver Pegasus statue heading towards the mirrored floor. I knew a hole would open up for it in any moment, so I flicked my wrists to get the extra water-powered oomph I needed in my jump to grab onto the statue. Then just like New Moon had said, I was able to begin my journey downward to the trial room.

"Hang in there, Grover. I'm coming."

Footnotes

[1] I'm partial to Sea of Monsters and Titan's Curse.

[2] "Fridging", or "Women in Refrigerators" (WiR), is shorthand for a trope, named after a 1994 Green Lantern comic in which the hero returns home to find that his nemesis, Major Force, has murdered his girlfriend Alexandra DeWitt and stuffed her corpse into a fridge. The trope basically is defined as killing a (usually female) character as a plot device intended to move a (usually male) character's story arc forward. On a side note, a lot of girls die in PJO. I know this is probably just a holdover from Greek Mythology, but still.

[3] Well, we all know this isn't true anymore, but I have to assume Peter isn't including the Heroes of Olympus series as part of PJO or the fact Bianca reincarnated.

[4] I believe Eugene is saying 'beating a dead goat' instead of 'beating a dead horse' which is an American expression for an effort that is a futile waste of time without a positive outcome.

[5] So as Eugene hinted at in the last chapter, he's one of the 12 Paneides (sons of Pan aka Panes). One of those sons is named Eugenius which sounds really close to Eugene to me. Eugenius means Well-Bearded. This might mean that when Eugenius joined T.R.A.S.H., he shaved his beard and became Beardless Eugene. This would mean that Eugene is actually a god…which might explain why Eugene is able to swear freely.

[6] To my (and apparently Peter's) knowledge, we never see Percy handle steam in the PJO series, though it's implied Percy has temperature control over water and the wiki says as such. I think the closest we get to seeing that power is in PJO Titan's Curse where Percy nearly throws some ice water at Thalia in the capture the flag game.