Notes:

I've been fighting with the plot bunnies again, which is what took so long with this chapter. I didn't think the teachers would go for everything I put in here, and thought it too OOC. The plot bunnies were insistent, however. I've written this chapter at least five times, trying to change it, but no dice. So, enjoy!

Trigger warning: casual recreational drug use?

Last time...

"Alright, so all four of us are together, what now?" Pomona inquired, once the laughter had died down once more.

"As Heads of House, your Occlumency is rock solid, yes?" Severus asked, looking to them all. Pomona was surprised, but nodded. "Good."

She was not expecting Severus to frost over as he shrank and shifted into Hera Potter.

"Miss Potter?" She asked, just to make sure. The girl nodded with a slight smile.

"I promised this to Professor McGonagall, but you've all been trying to make me laugh even though only one of you knew what it was for. I think…I think the deal should apply to you both as well." Hera informed them, turning to Minerva. "What do you think, Professor?"

"I thought I agreed you could call me Minny?" Minerva replied with fond amusement, and something like pride in her eyes.

"Well, yeah, but they didn't know that." Hera protested. "You're okay with it? I didn't offer it to them first, and they didn't know why you were trying to make Professor Snape laugh. I mean, Professor Snape knows, but he's known since Fourth Year."

"A lot of things are starting to make sense now." Pomona admitted, getting over her shock quickly. Being down to earth was good for that.

"I offered Minny the biggest secret I have if she could make me laugh, because Professor Snape said it was only a matter of time before the students worked it out. I thought it would be a good idea for the Heads of House to know before they did." Hera explained. "It's a long story, and you can't ask any questions till the end, but I promise it'll be worth it, and then?…Well, then we can plan how best to roast that awful Pink Menace. What do you say, Professor? Interested?"

Chapter 103

When Albus entered Pomona's office, he found the four Heads of House laughing uncontrollably. Severus was explaining something, wildly gesticulating with his hands, more carefree and light-hearted than Albus had ever seen him. The young man was nearly doubled over with laughter by the end of whatever story he'd been trying to tell, still trying to gesture and everything. No one seemed to notice his arrival, and so he was treated to a rare view of his colleagues relaxing without a care. A light cough from him had them all freezing as if children getting caught, something that had him smiling a touch behind his beard, and then they were laughing again.

"I can't!…I won't make it!…You've got…You've got to help me!" Severus laughed, holding onto his sides now, and dramatically flopped just so in order to rest his head on Minerva's shoulder. "Minny! Minny, you have to help me!"

It was then that Albus recognized a particular smell in the air.

"Pomona, really?!" He scolded lightly, which only sent them all back into laughing fits.

"What?" Pomona asked with an innocent air that he didn't believe for a second, not with that smile on her face.

"Oh, relax, Albus." Filius threw in. "It's the weekend, and we're de-stressing from having to deal with the Pink Menace. You should join us!"

"Think he'd relax if he took a hit?" Severus asked, sounding genuinely curious, as he looked over to Filius while still leaning on Minerva's shoulder. That sent the others giggling once more.

"I still can't believe you talked us into this." Minerva whispered, scandalized. "What would your parents say if they knew?"

"Uh…" Severus hesitated, and then helpfully offered up. "Sharing is caring?"

Cue more giggling.

"Ugh, I can't believe I'm the one suggesting this, but now that Albus is here, we need to cast the spell." Pomona sighed. The others nodded in agreement, equally unhappy about it, and Albus performed the needed spell for them.

"Ugh," Severus grumbled. "sobriety."

"Agreed." Filius and Pomona nodded. Minerva looked a little queasy from the spell itself, which is why she never usually indulged.

Just then, a piece of treacle tart appeared before Severus, and everyone in the room froze.

"I'm not…I'm not still hallucinating, am I?" Severus asked, looking at the dessert.

"No, my boy, I see it too." Albus offered.

"Oh, good." Severus sighed, relaxing, and then picked up the plate. With a flick of a few fingers, a fork appeared in his hand, one which he proceeded to use to point to each of them. "I'm eating this one right now, and you can't stop me."

He then looked to Albus before continuing. "Also, you shouldn't call me 'my boy'. I can't properly put into words just how utterly cringe worthy that sounds. Bit creepy, really. You're old enough to be my great grandfather, you know."

Filius was shaking, trying not to laugh, but Severus caught him at it.

"Wow. Was that offensive? That sounded offensive. I almost feel like apologizing. How awful. I'm not doing that." Severus continued, between bites of treacle tart. "Are you sure it's out of my system? I'm still feeling rather chatty. I still can't believe we got Minny to agree to that."

"We might have to cast the spell a few more times." Filius acknowledged through giggles. "Your metabolism may be slightly off kilter to ours; faster with some things, slower on others."

"Certainly explains why I'm so hungry all the damn time." Severus nodded, his attention turning back to the treacle tart. "I don't know who made this, but when I find them, I'm going to ask them to be my personal chef for life. This is absolutely divine."

Albus, having completely forgotten why he'd been seeking them in the first place, was utterly flummoxed over seeing his colleagues so out of character.

"I think I'll just…I'll just come back later, when you've all had a bit more time to…erm…sort yourselves out." Albus stated, a bit awkwardly, not wanting to intrude any more than he already had. "…Enjoy the rest of your weekend."

Earlier that morning…

Fred discretely looked at the map, to the Head Table, and back again. Something wasn't right. Either Hera had worked out some sort of complex shape-shifting ability, or there was something wrong with the map. While the map said Hera was up there, his eyes told him Snape was. It didn't help that the treacle tart they'd sent as an offering to Loki wound up in front of the man instead of Hera as it had been, and they still couldn't figure out why it kept getting rerouted to Hera instead of going to Loki in the first place. Maybe Loki suspected Hera needed cheering up more than he did? He had no idea, and it wasn't a top priority problem right now.

It was Snape's look of complete devastation before vanishing the treat that solidified it for him. Fred knew that look. That was Hera! He froze, completely unable to utter a single word, before looking down at his plate. He couldn't say anything, or he'd risk giving up the game she was playing. Why did she think it was a good idea to impersonate Snape of all people? What kind of prank needed that level of insanity?

Eventually they leave the Great Hall, and in rushed whispers, Fred explained to George what was happening. They spend a good deal of the day discretely tailing 'Snape', and they had to admit that Hera was doing a decent job for such an on the fly performance. What they still couldn't figure out was why she's doing it at all. It's obvious Snape isn't actually within Hogwarts, so perhaps she's covering for him without his knowledge? They finally manage to corner her when she enters Snape's office, following her in so she can't escape.

"You two sure took your sweet time." 'Snape' huffed, frost beginning to cover his form until Hera was herself again. "What took you so long?"

"You expected us to corner you when you were with a professor?" Fred asked, incredulous colouring his tone.

George raised his hand and added. "Also, how did you know we were following you?"

"Neither of you are as subtle as you'd like to think you are." Professor McGonagall stated from behind them. Both boys would absolutely deny the high pitched squeaks that they made at being surprised by their former Head of House.

"I'm more surprised they didn't notice us following them." Professor Flitwick added, amused at their reactions.

"Oh, you were right. That was fun!" Professor Sprout giggled, and clapped her hands once. "Wonderful! Shall we get started?"

"Uh…Get started?" Fred inquired, trying to get his voice back under control.

"With what?" George wondered, sharing a look with him before returning the gaze of the professors.

"I know you two have been brewing Polyjuice Potion for some prank or other." Hera admitted. "I was thinking we could cash in on that now, and prank Umbridge into insanity, or at least make a proper start on it."

"How?" They both asked at the same time, intrigued by the idea of a prank with the teachers on a teacher.

"Simple. She's been after Snape, right?" Hera replied, frost covering her form until she was Snape again. "What if there were simply several many more of him?"

Fred and George shared a look with each other, both knowing that this prank was too good to pass up, before reaching out to shake her hands. "We're in!"

'Snape' accepted both their hands by crossing his arms, not missing a beat, as he responded. "I thought you might be."

That evening…

It had been a long and exhausting day. He still didn't know what he was going to tell her, or how he would even begin to broach the subject. When he got to his office, Severus was surprised to find that it had not been pranked to the nines, which instantly made him suspicious. Hera was a great lover of pranks in her own right, and he had expected to find the place covered in spells and things, but…there was nothing. It mattered little, as he needed to speak with Albus anyway.

'Speak of the Devil' he thought, as a knock sounded at the door.

"Severus, my boy! I've been meaning to-" Albus began, and a grimace crossed his face. "My apologies, Severus, I've been meaning to work on that. I've not forgotten what you said earlier today."

"I'm going to need you to go over that conversation with me, Albus." Severus stated, realizing that he had crossed off the possibility of pranks a little too soon.

"May I ask why?" Albus inquired.

"Because I wasn't here to speak with you today." Severus informed him. "That's why."

…

With help from the twins, the prank was set, though there had been some discussion about the effects the polyjuice would have with shape-shifting. Hera had insisted that it would be fine, and had broken into Professor Snape's room to raid his closet, after dismantling several traps and things that had been hidden around his room. Really, the man earned the title of 'paranoid bastard', but a booby-trapped bedroom was a little much. She'd have to apologize for the gross violation of privacy later, but she hoped that the fact that she hadn't been looking for anything other than spare clothes would help. She probably could have gotten away with conjuring new clothes, but the twins had argued for authenticity; and really, the plan was already ridiculous enough, might as well throw in authentic clothing into the mix as well.

When there were three 'Snape's' in the room, they set the plan in motion. One Snape for each professor, each with a hallway to walk down. Umbridge tended to be near Snape's office when not having office hours, detention, class, or meal times, so they figured that was their safest bet. All of them would spot her, of course, and she them. All would act as if they couldn't see the other Snape's, or act like Snape had identical siblings and that Umbridge should just know that.

It worked out even better than she could have dreamed, but in typical Potter fashion. She wondered sometimes if Loki had blessed the Potter Line at one point. Surely this much chaos could not come about on its own. Murphy's Law had to have a limit, right? She feared the answer to that question, but put it firmly out of her mind for now.

"Oh dear." She heard Minerva mumble under her breath, and looked to what the woman had seen.

At first, Hera only saw a rather confused Umbridge wildly turning in all directions. Fred/Snape was with Professor Flitwick, she was with Professor McGonagall, and George/Snape was with Professor Sprout…Dumbledore was coming down the only hallway they hadn't been able to cover with a false Snape, and he was walking beside the actual Snape, who looked more than a little livid until his eyes found hers. All four Snape's froze, and Umbridge didn't seem to know what to do. Hera wasn't inclined to say anything just yet, wanting to see what would happen first, and no one else seemed to know what to do either.

"One of you explain." Snape ordered, thin lipped. "Now."

"Indeed." Fred/Snape began, because of course he would, looking the real Snape in the eye as he continued. "I would quite like to ascertain how you've managed to impersonate a professor; myself, no less. If I find out you have stolen from me, you will be dealt with….most severely."

This was either the worst or best response Fred could have given, because Snape's face gave an odd twitch, as if he were trying to stamp down any and all reactions.

"Impersonate you?" George threw in, acting completely outraged as only a seething Snape could. "You're the ones impersonating me!"

"What's going on here?!" Umbridge shrieked, hysterical. "I demand answers! Which one of you is the real Severus Snape?!"

"I am!" All four Snape's answer at once.

"Now, now. I'm sure we can figure this out." Albus suggested, trying to keep the peace. "Severus, what do you suggest?"

All four Snapes started talking at once, again.

"I meant this one." Albus elaborated, pointing to the one next to him, possibly seeing the error of his open-ended words.

"Are you sure that's the real me, Albus?" Hera countered with a scowl, making fists at her sides. "After all, Crouch Jr sat next to you for a year, and you had no idea he wasn't your friend."

"That certainly was a fiasco of a year." Minerva agreed, much to Albus' visible consternation.

"It doesn't do much to lend any credence to his ability to spot a fake either." George/Snape surmised.

"We could simply wait for an hour." Snape suggested, eyeing Fred/Snape with some annoyance.

Fred and George stilled minutely, but before anyone could comment on it and give up the game, Hera moved forward.

"I have a better idea." She declared, and thrust out a hand, instantly trapping Umbridge in what looked like a snow globe. To the others she shouted. "Run!"

Suddenly, it was chaos everywhere. Teachers and Snape extras were running amok, and Hera was no longer certain which one was the real Snape and which ones were Fred and George. Albus was quickly beset by bouncing lemons, slipped, and was easily cushioned and covered by the things. Hera ended up with flowers in 'Snape's' hair, and a fully decked out old-school Dracula costume; complete with cape. There was at least one Snape with ever growing locks, one that kept multiplying and shrinking until there was an army of tiny Snapes running around, and another that began dancing with his arms spread out and loudly singing 'the hills are alive with the sound of music' with impressive skill. Hera wasn't sure when, but at one point Umbridge began shrieking demands and foul vernacular to such a degree that she promptly began gagging and passed out from the stench.

At one point, Hera managed to escape in all the chaos, and made her way back to Snape's living quarters. The sitting room was the focal meeting point for all the Snapes, plus the colluding teachers. She still couldn't believe Filius had managed to get Minerva with that bubble burping jinx, and she was quite certain that it had been Pomona that had gotten her with the flowers. As a matter of fact, a trail of flowers could be found for every step Hera had taken, growing directly from the stone floor itself. Oh dear. Also, and she doesn't know for certain, but she suspected Minerva was responsible for the musical number one of the Snape's had started performing amidst the chaos.

She's actually glad she'd taken to one of the perks of her current dress, because the army of tiny Snapes came rushing into the room like a tidal-wave, followed by a Snape who was still trying to sing while giggling. Pomona arrived next, practically incandescent, acting as her very own night light. Minerva followed soon after, looking a bit like she'd gotten into a fight with a gang of flour bags. Filius came bouncing into the room…literally, and only stopped bouncing around the room because he landed on the couch. Everyone was laughing, at themselves and each other, when they seemed to realize something critical.

"Where's Hera?" Minerva inquired, right before burping up another bubble; effectively causing the rest of the room to burst into giggles again.

Hera decided to fly down from the bat form she'd been in (thanks to the Dracula costume), and transformed back to the state she'd been in when she'd run from the scene of the prank.

"Pomona, I want you to know that was a cruel trick." Hera scolded, and drawing herself up to her full Snape height; indignant personified, arms crossed and everything. "I know I'm called the dungeon bat, but that was just mean."

"The flowers do seem to be a bit much." Pomona commented, seeing as how they'd started slowly growing from where Hera stood and were now branching out across the floor.

This sent them into another round of giggling. By this point the mini Snape army was back to being a singular Snape again, and there was a red tinge to his hair. The other Snape had stopped dancing around, but he was still humming along to the tunes; most likely just because he could. Hera returned their clothes to them and ushered them to a side room to change. While they were doing that, she began helping to set the others to rights, and soon everything was back to normal.

"Well, I hope you're all proud of yourselves." They hear, as the door burst open to allow Snape into the room, and he stalked in. "Albus can't go anywhere without being beset by lemons, even those foul little candies in his office. Umbridge is trapped in the snow globe, swearing up a blue streak, and hurling her guts out; only for the vomit to disappear. Something that looks like snow, but I suspect is something else, has been falling within the globe. What doesn't land on her vanishes, and the cycle repeats."

"Super fine body glitter mixed with the same grade of itching powder." Hera offered up, looking like herself again, helpfully.

"Nice touch." Filius offered, with clear approval in his voice.

"Thanks, Professor!" She beamed proudly.

At that point Fred and George walked back into the room looking both proud and sheepish, each holding a folded bundle of Snape's clothing.

"At least I now know who your other co-conspirators were, if not how you got into my things." Snape noted, still sounding annoyed.

"That was me." Hera admitted, now grimacing. "I went looking for clothing for them to complete the authenticity. I didn't look for anything or touch anything else. Incidently, why do you have your sleeping quarters booby-trapped? I ran afoul of quite a number of those."

"In case anyone gets the idea to go snooping through my things." Snape remarked, giving her a rather pointed look. "Thank you for proving that a necessity."

Shame overwhelmed her, and she looked down at the floor, because she was in the wrong for that. "My apologies, Professor. I know I shouldn't have done that, and it was a gross violation of your trust as well as your privacy."

"Don't. do it. again." Snape grounded out, to which she nodded. She'd been expecting this part.

"It's more our fault, really." Fred insisted.

"She offered to transfigure robes for us, but we figured authenticity mattered for important pranks such as these." George admitted as well.

"She is ultimately responsible for her own choices, and in this she chose to let your influence sway her decision." Snape countered, glaring at them for interrupting. "Therefore, should I decide a punishment for her in regards to the invasion of my privacy, you two shall endure it as well. Is that clear?"

The two nodded quickly.

"Now, I want you two to go back to your dorm, and don't breathe a word of this to anyone or I will know." Snape continued. "Is that understood?"

"Yes, Professor!"

"Right away, Professor!"

"Of course, Professor!"

"Not you." Snape corrected, catching Hera before she could leave. Well, she'd tried. "Did you lot even come up with a cover story for this? We're going to have to call in curse breakers, and that means Ministry attention. You are aware of that, yes?"

"Oh, that's easy." Pomona declared. "It's not our fault she was hallucinating from a bad trip. She started spouting nonsense about copies of a professor she has shown a clear stalker like tendency towards. She had to be contained. For her safety."

"For her safety." Snape repeated, deadpan. Pomona nodded, completely unrepentant, and Snape sighed as he pinched the bridge of his nose in frustration. "Do I at least get to know what lead to all of this? Just what in Merlin's name were you all thinking?"

Hera perked up at this, and began to explain. "Well, you see, Professor, it all started when I had to impersonate you this morning before breakfast…"

AN: Title inspired by Dr. Seuss books