Chapter Two
It was Thors protocol, even for the classes who hadn't just been in a life-or-death battle, to use the first day of term to settle in. It was a day to meet your new classmates, set up your dorm room and prepare yourself for your upcoming studies. Thus, instead of being whisked off to some class, or other orientation meeting, Elliot was sent to the infirmary, and the rest of them were sent off to the previously abandoned Dorm Building Three. In Sara's words, they were to 'make themselves at home,' and she'd be along shortly after sorting out some administration business. Though once they actually got inside, it seemed more like she'd gone to fetch a dust mask, because Dorm Three was an absolute dump. It looked as though no one had set foot in it in years and there was an absolute ocean of dust coating every single surface and the ceiling looked the be a breeding ground for toxic black mould. Cockroaches, spiders and ants scurried around like they owned the place. To top it all, the windows were so filthy that barely any light got in, so the place was barely any brighter than the dungeon they'd just left. The first thing everyone did upon entering was descend into a fit of coughing and sneezing, even retching at the foul, musty smell that wafted out as they opened the door. Evander in particular was a martyr to the dust, spending what seemed like a full hour being racked by explosive sneezes that shook his whole body like a leaf.
In between sneezing and wiping his running nose and watering eyes he kept up a constant stream of muttered complaints about his allergies, and how each and every one of them was being set off by this building, until Alisa cut him off by snidely asking if there was anything he wasn't allergic to. He responded that at least he wasn't allergic to Rean, unlike her, and the two almost came to blows before Gaius, peacemaker that he was, calmed things down by finding the note Sara had pinned to the entry wall and reading it out aloud.
Hey dear students! I'm guessing the dorm is just teensy bit messy so as your beloved instructor I have assigned you an ace team-building task as your first duty as Class Seven. I want this place looking spotless before I get back tonight, okay? I'm a delicate lady and I need a pristine environment to flourish and live my best life. You wouldn't want me to hurt my poor lungs coughing, would you? Oh, and if could whip up some snacks it'd be worth extra credit, I'm famished after all my hard work today! This'll be worth fifty percent of your final grade, so don't mess this up!
PS: Just kidding. About the grade, not the cleaning. Seriously, fix that place up, it's a pig sty!
"Ha!" snorted Machias, almost shaking with fury, "if it's a pig sty that witch should fit right in! She almost kills us all, then wants us to clean out our own digs!? What is with that devil woman!?"
"Tch," Jusis looked disgusted by the chaotic mess but was unwilling to admit it, "what's wrong Regnitz? Surely as the champion of the common man that you are you're not afraid of a little hard work?"
"How dare you!? Take that back! I'm only surprised you haven't summoned a legion of maids to do this for you already!"
"A legion of maids? And where would I have stashed this new military division you envision, Regnitz? My pockets? Hey! What are you_" Fie had suddenly started riffling through his pockets.
"Nope. No maids in here," she said flatly, "lame."
"Ugh! If I wanted to spend time with clowns, I'd join the circus," snapped Jusis.
"Alisa," said Evander suddenly, "may I borrow an arrow?"
"Yeah, where do you want it? Right between the eyes?"
"If I say I'm going to stab Rean with it, can I have one?"
"Sure," said Alisa, shooting Rean a filthy look and actually handing Evander an arrow.
"Ahahaha," Rean laughed nervously, "seriously Alisa?"
"Don't even talk to me."
Evander didn't actually stab Rean, but instead knelt down and speared a massive, striped cockroach with the arrowhead, and held it up to his face, inspecting it curiously.
"Hmm, what an interesting specimen, have you ever seen one like this before?" he offered it to Alisa for a closer look and she shrieked and leapt back. "Suit yourself. Whatever it is, I'm probably allergic to it."
"Let me see," suggested Emma, coming over and pushing her glasses down her nose to get a better look, as though they were more of a hindrance to her vision than a help. "Ah yes, it's a Gromphadorhina grandidieri. You're very lucky, I didn't think those even lived in this region."
"Truly, the winds have blessed us," said Gaius with a chuckle, "not just any cockroach, but a rare one!"
"Maybe we should serve that, to Instructor Sara," fumed Machias, "as her snack. It would serve her right."
"I wouldn't advice it," observed Laura serenely, "I suspect she might become quite fearsome if you push your luck. Now, how shall we divide up this task?"
"Are you serious?" asked Alisa, "you don't actually want to do this do you? Sara has to be joking!"
"Even if she is, I wouldn't want to live here in its current state," said Laura, "and if she's not joking, we have an order from an instructor. Besides, let it never be said Laura Arseid was afraid to get her hands dirty."
"Uh, before we start, I think I have some medicinal cream that will help with the sunlight allergy Evander," said Emma. Evander had filled in the others about his allergy to sunlight and its disastrous symptoms, not wanting anyone else to have similar suspicions about him as Laura did. "It'll sooth the sores, so they don't itch so much."
"Thanks, but I'm probably allergic to it," said Evander, and then wandered over to the nearest window, took off his ruined jacket and started to furiously scrub the filthy glass.
"You're allergic to medicine?" drawled Jusis, "will wonders ever cease?"
"I envy you your sense of wonder," said Evander blithely, "it must endear you terribly to small children and morons." He stopped to check his progress, only to find he'd barely made any, the window was still just as dirty as ever. "I'm going to look for some cleaning supplies in the cupboards," he announced. "Though most likely I can't use them, because I'm_"
"Allergic!" chorused the rest of the group, and then all fell about laughing at Evander's scandalised expression.
"Children! The lot of you!" he threw the arrow, spiked rare cockroach and all onto the floor, and stalked off in high dudgeon, taking his time to deliberately crush at least a half-dozen cockroaches and spiders under his boots as he went.
"He shouldn't be doing that," observed Fie quietly after he was gone.
"What? Existing?" scoffed Alisa, "sadly, certain people," she eyed Rean, "persist in that field."
"No, walking. You weren't there, but that gargoyle_"
"Grotesque," corrected Emma, "It's only a gargoyle if it has a waterspout."
"Whatever, gross thingy, hit him so hard I thought it had broken his spine. He shouldn't be up and walking, or even conscious for that matter. It's like he's not human."
"What is he then?" asked Macchias mockingly, "a ghoul? You shouldn't talk such childish nonsense. Leave the fairy tales to Prince Charmless over there," he jerked his thumb in Jusis' direction.
"I thank you for the promotion to the imperial family," said Jusis scathingly, "please, don't be troubled if I don't respond in kind. You should after all, remain the base born barking dog that you are currently are."
"You_!" he made to lunge at Jusis but before he made it halfway, his foot went straight through a rotten floorboard, and he fell on his face.
"That's one less to dust," observed Fie drily, causing Machias to snarl at her like a rabid dog.
"I have succeeded!" announced Evander, returning at that moment, holding up a mysterious bottle. "Machias, lying down on the job already? For shame."
"Is that wine?" asked Gaius, walking over to inspect the bottle in Evander's hand. "You shouldn't drink," he said disapprovingly, "it clouds the mind and weakens the body."
"I don't drink," said Evander rather defensively, "and it's not just any wine!" he uncorked the bottle and a sour stench wafted out, "it's so old it's turned into vinegar! Mix it with some tap water, and we have the perfect cleaning fluid. I've found a whole hoard of this stuff back there."
"Are you sure that'll work?" asked Alisa sceptically.
"Oh, I'm sorry I don't have any magic hylophobic liquid for you, your highness."
"That's not right, smartass, it's hydrophobic."
"Hylophobia is the fear of wooded areas," said Macchias, picking himself up off the floor and shooting a triumphant look over at Emma, having beaten her to the punch. "Are you allergic to trees Evander? Or just a wooden stake through the chest?"
"Isn't everyone fatally allergic to a wooden stake through the chest?" asked Fie innocently.
"You know what I mean!"
"No, I don't. I'm an illiterate imbecile? Remember?"
"Listen, you little cretin, I already apologised for that, hasty comment, so you can_"
"Spot me some mira," interrupted Evander, "Alisa has a point, we need some heavy-duty stuff to clear up this mess. I saw a store that sells all sorts of useful things. Now what was it called again? I recognised one of the words on the sign. Though I couldn't understand the others. It's something to do with soldiers, I saw it when the provincial army sent some letter or other to our farm. I think. Was it Colonel?"
"Oh, you mean Brandon's General Goods!" said Emma, "yeah, I saw that place! It should have some of what we need. We can make a list of what we need and pool some mira together to buy it. Alisa, do you want to handle buying the stuff?"
"Sure, but why me?"
"I just get the impression you'll get the best bargain buying all the stuff," said Emma, "you said you read up on different companies, right? That's how you knew about that hydrophobic treatment. I guessed you might know something about business."
"What!? I know nothing about business! Ugh! Whatever, I'll do it!"
"And we need some spare planks, to replace some of the rotten floorboards, at least in the most trafficked areas," said Evander, "I think there was some sort of timberyard outside of town. It's a bit of a trek but_"
"I'll go," said Jusis, his tone brooking no argument. He got one from Machias anyway.
"Oh, I see, too good to stay and clean with us mere plebians huh? Typical!"
"Not at all, you are, as usual, off the mark, Regnitz. Unlike Miss…R, I do know something about this particular business, being the son of a duke, and I can tell you that timberyards usually only deal in bulk orders. If some blustering simpleton like you, for instance, were to burst in there and order ten planks of cheap Pinus Radiata, you'd be out on your ear in five seconds. For a son of House Albarea however, I imagine some exceptions can be made."
"Oh, and while you're at Sergeant Banadon's Goods," said Evander, butchering the name, "Alisa, if you could pick up some staple ingredients? Vegetables, rice, eggs, coffee beans, teabags, that sort of thing? I'll figure out this snack situation. And some lunch for us, when we need a break."
"You're going to cook?" asked Alisa incredulously.
"Of course. Someone else might get it wrong and serve something I'm_"
"Allergic to?" she cut him off, "I should have guessed. I need someone to help me carry all this though. Laura, do you want some fresh air?"
"It would be my pleasure to assist," said Laura formally, "though I wouldn't want anyone to think I was shirking work here."
"Don't worry, we all know who the shirker is," said Machias, glaring at Jusis.
"I see, you not only know meaning of aspersions, but how to cast them too," said Jusis imperiously, "fitting, I think, because you're fishing, Regnitz. How am I shirking, when I'm expected to walk all the way out of town and back, carrying a pile of timber?"
"I'll come with you," offered Rean, "you shouldn't carry it own your own." Jusis gave him a measured look, before nodding.
"Fine, I appreciate your offer of assistance. Though please, do not spend the whole trip trying to talk my ear off. I have no interest in socialising, with you, or anyone else."
"Alright, someone write this down, because I wouldn't know where to start," said Evander, clearing his throat, "these are the supplies I'll need from the store to clean this place up," he proceeded to rattle off a long list of various cleaning supplies and other chemicals that Emma scrambled to note down. Once it was all written down, Jusis and Rean headed off for the timberyard, promising to back as soon as possible, and Alisa and Laura set off for Brandon's General Goods, sarcastically promising to return as late as possible. That left Gaius, Emma, Fie and Macchias on clean up duty. Evander too, at least until the cooking ingredients arrived and he could get started on that. Elliot of course, was in the infirmary, and wouldn't be back for at least an hour or so. Even if his ribs were only bruised and not broken, he'd need to be checked over and given time to rest before jumping out of the frying pan and into the fire.
"Dibs on cleaning the chandelier," announced Fie, and then sprang, cat-like, straight into the air, caught the chandelier in an iron grip and swung herself up to balance onto it.
"Fie!" said Emma, clicking her fingers like you would to summon an animal, "come down from there please!"
"She's not a cat," scoffed Machias, "or else Evander would still be sneezing."
"Oh ha, ha," said Evander, rolling his dark eyes, "do you want to trade that rapier wit for a mop and bucket? Or should I just do everything myself?"
"I'll do it," said Gaius, "a mop is kind of like my spear," he mused, "only for slaying dust bunnies, rather than demons.
"How about you Machias? I saw a broom back there somewhere," said Evander, "can you do more than make a clean sweep of your exam scores or are dirty floors beyond you?"
"Touche, Mister Evander, who has the rapier wit now?" asked Machias, "but sure, I can sweep up."
"Did you see any cloths or rags while you were looking back there?" asked Emma, "I could dust if you did find something. I just need something to use, other than your holey jacket that is."
"There was an old dish cloth in the sink," said Evander, "that should do the trick. I'm going to work on the windows. That's going to require some real elbow grease."
"I thought you were going to use vinegar and water," drawled Fie lazily, still perched on the chandelier, "wouldn't grease just make the windows dirtier?" Evander frowned up at her, but was unable to tell if she was joking or not.
"I can never tell if you're serious or not," he muttered.
"Good. Now quiet down. I'm going to take a nap."
"Oh sure, don't bother helping!"
"I wasn't planning to."
"Ugh! I give up!" Evander left her to her awkward napping spot and went over to the kitchen to mix up water and vinegar for the windows. "At least I'm not allergic to work," he called over his shoulder. "Well actually, it depends on the kind of work. If you were to say, ask me to_" and this went on for some time, even though no one was listening. But that didn't matter, because Evander was used to talking to himself, who better to understand him?
Scene Break Here
Despite her earlier joke about taking her sweet time, Alisa returned with Laura and several bags of goods, in record time, and even had some of the mira they'd pooled together for the purchase left over. The looks she bestowed upon everyone as she gave back the coins to those who'd contributed them dared anyone to comment on her supposed business acumen. No one, not even Evander did. Though to be fair, Evander had been become more and subdued as the morning wore on, or, more accurately, as the windows grew cleaner. The brighter the room became, the slower and quieter he seemed to become. Until Emma finally asked if his allergies were affecting him very badly, even in doors. He told her no and mumbled something about not getting much sleep the night before. Machias had rolled his eyes and said a sunlight allergy would affect him whether he was inside or outside, as long as he was in the light, and there was no need to feign toughness over the issue. Proving he was suffering from something or other, he had no retort, just gave some instructions on how to use the industrial mould cleaner, which he couldn't touch, because he was allergic of course, and then disappeared into the kitchen with the bags of ingredients.
Rean and Jusis returned, carrying a crate of timber between them, probably far more than was needed, but apparently the owner had insisted on making sure 'Lord Jusis' would have enough to cover the task, so as not to be inconvenienced by a return trip. Rean joked the owner didn't particularly if he was inconvenienced though, or else they'd have gotten two crates rather than one. Unfortunately only after they'd unpacked all the timber, they realised that while Alisa had picked up some nails from the general store, no one had thought to buy a saw to cut the planks to the required lengths. Instead, Rean, Laura and Jusis had a great deal of fun using their swords to cleanly cut through the wood, aiming at measured marks drawn on carefully by Emma. They made a game out of seeing who could cut through the most planks at once, which Laura won handily. Her prize was brief reprieve from the cleaning work to go and find out where Fie had disappeared to. The younger girl had dusted a few crystals on the chandelier before loudly announcing she was bored and disappearing upstairs somewhere. They figured she was just going off to nap somewhere and should be easy enough to find. It turned out be even easier than suspected though, because Laura had barely gone upstairs when a huge explosion rang out, shaking the building the throwing down a huge cloud of dust from the chandelier she'd been cleaning, as well as the ceiling and anything else on the walls.
She later proved her nerves of steel, when despite repeated interrogation efforts from Laura, and everyone else with any sense in their head, she refused to say how'd she'd caused this explosion. Just repeating, 'I don't know,' and shrugging until surely her shoulders must fall off. Finally she said they should thank her for getting all the dust off the ceiling for them, and if they wanted it back up there, they could do it themselves. Laura confessed that other than a large scorch mark in the hallway above them, there were no other clues up there, so the matter was dropped. Evander's earlier comments about explosive devices were forgotten, and he was too busy in the kitchen to remind them. Speaking of which, everyone had expected some sort of mad science experiment to come out of the kitchen with him in charge, but the smells coming from the other room where actually quite pleasant, and the rest of Class VII were starting to get their hopes up this whole thing wouldn't be a total disaster after all. That was of course until Jusis and Machias got going on each other again, after Machias 'accidentally' splashed water from his bucket onto Jusis.
Gaius was eventually forced to snap the head off his mop and use the shaft like a quarter staff to separate the two from coming to blows. And even then, he might not have bothered if they hadn't been making a huge mess during their scuffle. No one else could be bothered intervening at this point, not even Rean, who was starting to think a good fight might actually do them some good. To make matters worse, some toxic chemicals had gone missing, and Fie was looking about as shifty as you could get. Despite her repeated insistence that a rabid dog had come in and eaten said chemicals, no one was buying it, and she would have been in for another round of interrogation, had Evander not suddenly emerged from the kitchen and come out with another one of his bizarre non-sequiturs.
"Do any of you own a large three-legged dog?" he inquired.
"Yes, I have three," said Alisa, rolling her eyes.
"Oh, then one of them is probably here looking for you," there was a quiet knock at the door, startling everyone who'd thought Evander was either joking or insane. "A polite and well-trained dog too, I underestimated you." He wandered back into the kitchen.
"What is that supposed to mean!?" demanded Alisa, and Rean instinctively moved away, expecting violence to follow. He made himself useful by opening to the door, to reveal it was only Elliot, leaning heavily on a cane.
"It's just Elliot!" he called, standing aside to let him in, "it's great to see you're up and walking about again. How do you feel?"
"I've been better," said Elliot, chuckling, then wincing as the action hurt his ribs, "don't worry about the cane. It's just for a day or two until my ankle heals up. I sprained it when I went down." He stepped inside, only to be accosted by Fie who patted him on the head.
"Look, the dog is back. Do you want some lunch boy?"
"Don't try and change the subject," said Laura, "those chemicals are dangerous Fie, it is unwise to play with them."
"Did I miss something?" asked Elliot, looking confused, "why am I a dog suddenly?"
"A three-legged dog actually," said Alisa.
"Don't worry about it," said Gaius, crossing the room and taking Elliot's cane and offering him his shoulder instead. "Let me help you to the dining room to sit down for a minute, we cleaned that place up first, so it's not as bad."
"Sheesh, not to be rude, but if this is an improvement…" Elliot trailed off, looking around the bombsite that was entry room. Evander returned from the kitchen and sketched a low bow.
"Greetings, loony ladies and mental gents, lunch is served. Oh, hi Elliot, how's the leg? Where's your dog?"
"There is no dog. Elliot was the dog," explained Emma patiently.
"But Elliot has two legs. Unless the dog had one leg. I heard three feet."
"That was Elliot with a cane," continued Emma, fighting a losing battle on the side of logic.
"Then where is the cane?"
"Then where is the dog?" countered Machias, involving himself for some reason.
"Wait," said Elliot, "who is the dog here?"
"Apparently you," said Fie.
"There is no dog!"
"But Elliot is right there!"
"Elliot isn't the dog!"
"But there isn't a dog!"
"That's what I've been_ wait, you're doing this deliberately aren't you?"
"Who is the dog?"
"Oh you_" Emma threw her hands up, even her legendary patience running out. "Can someone talk to him in a way he understands?"
"The dog is called Omar," lied Fie, "and he has three legs and a white coat with black spots."
"Who is Omar?"
"Don't you mean 'where is Omar?'"
"No, I meant why is Omar?"
"Are you sure it wasn't when is Omar?"
"If I could just interrupt here," said Rean, "Evander, there was no dog. You heard Elliot walking with a cane, which Gaius is now holding. You were just mistaken."
"I'm never mistaken. I'm always right. I'm so right, there's nothing left of me."
"That doesn't even make sense!" raged Machias, running a hand through his hair in frustration. "There was no dog! Three-legged or otherwise!"
"No, you don't make sense!"
"Hmm, interesting," Gaius poked his head out from the kitchen door, from where he'd quietly walked Elliot during all this chaos, "Evander, how did you know to set ten places at the table? Elliot might not have come back for hours."
"Ha! See! I'm telepathetic!"
"I think you meant telepathic," said Emma.
"He got it right the first time," drawled Fie, ducking past Gaius into the kitchen, "ooh, bread rolls!"
"Don't encourage him," said Jusis, "obviously he set the tenth place when he heard Elliot coming."
"But he thought it was a three-legged dog," pointed out Alisa. "Not Elliot."
"Then maybe he set the place for the dog," said Laura, chuckling, "it would certainly be in character. Either way, I am eager for a hearty meal." The rest of them filed into the dining room/kitchen to see what sort of chaos Evander had wrought in there and they were pleasantly surprised. Evander had laid out a spread of decidedly normal looking food at the centre of the table on serving trays, so people could take what they wanted. It was all fairly basic fare, made with simple ingredients. The sort of food you might find eaten after hard day's work out in the fields, though as Evander was always quick to point out, he wasn't a farmer. There was a butter dish, salt and pepper shakers, a bowl of sugar, a large teapot, pitcher of orange juice and coffee urn provided also. The knives, forks and spoons were all arranged at each place with millimetre perfect symmetry, and he seemed to have found an old table cloth to add some flair, the corners all exactly square with the table edges, not one inch hanging over the edge. Each of the serving dishes was arranged with even spacing too and coordinated with the table edges in a way that would please even the most thoroughly pedantic mind. No one knew quite what to say, until Jusis finally found some words.
"I suppose it is presented passably at least. Though I must admit, I know little about farm worker's cuisine."
"I'm not_"
"A farmer!" chorused everyone, laughing and taking their seats, with Alisa and Rean about as far away from each other as they could get, and everyone else filling the seats in between at random. By some bizarre confluence Machias and Jusis ended up seated next to each other and nearly got into a fist fight when both reached for the same soup tureen. Evander, who'd been hovering around the edges of the table pouring drinks for people seemingly at random, without asking what they wanted, inadvertently broke the fight up by blatantly interposing himself between them, teapot in one hand, coffee urn in the other, and pouring the pair of them drinks simultaneously. Machias, still shooting filthy looks at Jusis, picked up his coffee mug without looking and took a sip, only for his eyes to nearly bulge out of his head.
"This is exactly how I take it at home! How on earth did you know?"
"I just knew," said Evander, shrugging, and taking his seat at last, one that was luckily furthest from the freshly cleaned window.
"Gee," said Alisa, "did you and Fie both go to the Erebonian Sarcademy of Unhelpful and Useless Answers before coming here?"
"I don't know," said Fie, smirking.
"Ugh!"
One by one each of them tasted their drinks and were stunned to find Machias was right, each of had been prepared perfectly to their tastes, even though Evander seemed to have thrown them together haphazardly, right in from of them all, only minutes ago. As one they turned to stare at Evander who was currently making his own coffee. While they watched, he spooned exactly eight heaped teaspoons of sugar into his coffee, followed by four spoonfuls of honey, two carefully poured measures of full cream milk and one large dollop of thick, clotted cream. Their looks changed from amazement to disgust as he loudly slurped downed several mouthfuls of the sugary beverage. It got worse as he served himself a bread roll generously slathered in butter, a bowl of heavily salted soup and a side of beef crop dusted with pepper. He finally seemed to notice their gazes while halfway through a bread roll. He tried to ask them what was wrong, spraying crumbs everywhere, before giving up and taking a swig of his disgustingly sweet coffee to wash the bread down.
"What?" he said finally, "I need to season my food, or else I can't taste a thing." Emma went pale all of a sudden, remembering a quote from an old book she'd read long ago. Something about creatures from folklore, that along with all the other little clues throughout the day, Evander's strange eating habits made click into her head.
And so, this beast, who wears the shape of a man and yet has no heart or human warmth, also known as the King of Fiends, is the most hated by Aidios, and so she says, all food and drink shall be as ash in their mouths, and they shall not walk under the sun. May they be dogged by a thousand weaknesses and derangements. May animals know their true nature and flee from them. Monsters shall know them as brothers and good men and women, pure of heart, shall feel a chill down their spines at the approach of this fiend. For they are the enemy of all mankind, and anathema to the love of Aidios.
"But that's impossible," blurted out Emma, not realising she was speaking out loud. Evander frowned at her, having been in the middle of one of his long lectures about his various problems and allergies.
"No, it's not! I swear, if I even go near garlic my head just about explodes! Oh, and mandrake roots too."
"I think she meant it was impossible you could eat like that and not drop dead," said Rean.
"That really is unhealthy," observed Gaius, "how can you even function on a diet like that?"
"Maybe I am dead already," joked Evander, "boo!" Emma jumped out of her chair, dropping her knife and fork with a loud clatter. "Sorry. I didn't mean anything by_"
"Ihavetogotothelibrary!" she blurted out as one big word, and then practically bolted from the room.
"Sheesh, was I that loud?" wondered Evander, "anyway, dig in guys, or there'll be none left. I could eat a horse."
"How about a cow?" asked Alisa.
"I guess so. Why?"
"How about a pig?"
"Yes. Is there a point to this?"
"How about a sheep?"
"What_ oh, shove off! I'm not a farmer!"
"Guys," said Fie, "we all know Evander isn't a farmer. Just moooooooove on."
"Yeah," grinned Rean, "we should steer clear of that subject from now on."
"Are you calling us chicken?" joined in Macchias, smirking. "We shouldn't tell any jokes if they happen to crop up?"
"Please friends, do not harvest such low hanging fruit," even Gaius was getting involved, which was the last straw for Evander.
"I hate all of you so much," groused Evander, waving his knife around dramatically, sending globs of butter flying everywhere and forcing Elliot to duck for cover.
"Hm, the bacon is of most high quality," announced Jusis suddenly, who hadn't been paying attention to the conversation around the table and was genuinely praising the food. Evander however took it as another joke and flipped out, lobbing a heavily buttered bread roll right at him. Luckily, he ducked at the last minute, avoiding a diplomatic incident. "If you cannot take a compliment," said Jusis coldly, "shall I try some insults instead? Perhaps you would receive those better?"
"Oh sorry. I thought you joining in with those clowns. It won't happen again."
"I should hope not. There is only so much I'm willing to forgive based on your rustic, farmer background."
"I'm not a farmer!" he threw another bread roll, and this one didn't miss. It hit Laura instead. She sat completely still, utterly dignified as butter dripped down her face. Evander sat in horrified silence, waiting for her reaction as she slowly lifted a hand and wiped the fatty yellow substances off her brow.
"I'm going to take a minute to calm down," she said quietly. "Before I get too…churned up about this." There was another long silence and then everyone fell about laughing, even Evander, though mostly out of relief.
Scene Break Here
Emma strongly suspected that Evander was a vampire, though that should have been impossible. Her grandmother was the last of the True Ancestors, of that she was sure, and the lesser members of that kind should not have appeared as Evander did. The night touched, the Hexen Clan's name for vampires, were walking corpses, even in the night, and should not be able to walk under the sun as Evander did, looking human. The fact he seemed to rot in sunlight, while an extreme condition for a human, was too mild for one suffering from vampirism, who should by all accounts disintegrate in sunlight. There must be something she was missing, some trick that would explain Evander, one way or the other, and where better to find knowledge than the library of one of the most prestigious academies in Erebonia? There was sure to be a folk lore section, which, while probably being woefully uninformed, might show her some clue.
The library was deserted when Emma got there, even the librarian wasn't present. She was surprised it was open at all, since no one had been to a single class yet. She made straight for the folklore section and desperately browsed for the book she was looking for. She'd remembered the name on the way here, Noctfamilia: A Guide to The Shadows of the Night. She found the spot it should be, by the system the library at Thors used to categorise its books, but it wasn't there. Either because they didn't have it, or someone had checked it out. It was then that a demented groan came out from under a nearby reading table and terrifying figure emerged out from under it. Tall, dishevelled, and with shiny, mirrored eyes. It lurched towards her, reaching out with clawing hands. Then stopped, and took it's glasses off, polishing them on a long shirt sleeve, and blinked owlishly at her. It was just an ordinary man.
"Oh my! A student here pursuing her studies so early! Wait, is it early? I must have fallen asleep here sometime in the early hours of the morning. I was planning to spend an all-nighter reading this fascinating book!" he held up, of all things, a copy of Noctfamilia, for her to see. "Guess I'm not as young as I used to be. One minute I was in the grip of an intriguing page turner, then suddenly in the embrace of sleep. Alas, oh my lost youth! If only I were a vampire, like the ones in this book! Forever young! Of course, I'd also be a bloodthirsty abomination. Hmm, now I can't quite decide. Anyway, I'm Instructor Thomas, History Department, what brings you here, young lady?"
"Vampires," said Emma, unable to think of a suitable lie right this moment.
"Aha! You too, felt the call of the night did you? Perhaps you've been reading a certain work of fiction. Red Moon Rose?" Emma nearly jumped out of her skin at the mention of that book. Her grandmother always said it was a highly embellished account of her story, and that the church allowed it to exist as a clever diversion from the truth. Thomas didn't seem to notice her discomfort though, and kept on rambling. "I'm afraid vampires might not be quite like they appear in that novel, dear girl. For example, the author in that book has vampires that can walk around in daylight, no different from you or I! When I have it on good authority from a better researched book on folklore, that they turn straight into ash!"
"So it's impossible for a vampire walk around during the day at all?" asked Emma, deciding an Instructor of history was a good a person to ask as any. After all, the man had been sleeping in a library, that indicated a certain love of knowledge beyond the average.
"Yes, quite so. The very idea is ridiculous, hold on," he went over to the shelf Emma had been perusing and deftly picked out a thick tome, bound in black leather. On the front were the words, Life Among the Leeches: A Study of Vampires, in red lettering. "This book is the one I was referring to. The author, a vampire hunter employed by the Septian Church, gives several firsthand accounts of vampires turning to dust in daylight. He even addresses the popular myth that the fiends can walk in daylight. Some thought, the third, weakest class of vampire, could walk among humans during the day, but they were of course terribly mistaken. No, it's completely impossible. Even if they could, they would look like corpses, and be immediately distinguishable from a human."
"Thank you, Instructor, I guess I was just jumping at shadows then," said Emma, sighing in relief, "I thought there was a vampire at this academy. But I saw him in daylight, so that's that. Thanks for your time." So she was right, the Instructor's words coincided with her own knowledge of the lore. Evander couldn't be a vampire. Perhaps he was just a very strange, very ill, boy.
"It was no trouble! I almost wish it had been a vampire! I'd quite like to speak to one, I imagine it'd be fascinating beyond belief. If only to hear one's voice even, they are said to have a musical, enchanting quality which can ensnare mortals. Though the mind reading might get a bit irritating, I wouldn't like someone finishing my sentences all the time. Alas, I shall never meet one, even at night. For their kind are nearly extinct. Between hunters and turning on each other, I'd be surprised if they were more than a score or so left in all Erebonia. Thank Aidios for small mercies, I guess."
"Thanks again, I have to get back to my dormitory, I kind of left my classmates in a bind."
"Oh of course! I must get back to this book anyway, I was just up to a most fascinating chapter. It explains the myth about day-walking vampires quite well. They're just dhampirs after all," he chuckled, "a simple mistake to make. Why, I remember when I was a student I mixed up_"
"A dhampir?" asked Emma, her voice cracking slightly as her earlier relief began to evaporate. "What is a dhampir?"
"I'm not surprised you haven't heard of them. Even rarer than a true vampire. A dhampir, or half vampire, is a sort of crossbreed between a human and a vampire. Only born under extremely rare circumstances. Now they can walk in the sun. Though they wouldn't enjoy it very much. Ha! Imagine if that's what you saw!"
"Instructor, may I please borrow that book," said Emma, voice shaking. "Right now." She hadn't considered the notion of a half breed, as far as she knew the only way for vampires to replicate was through the spreading of their curse. The idea of walking corpses being able to breed any other way was frankly disturbing.
"Now?" he looked incredibly put out, "but I was just getting to_"
"Try this instead," Emma seized the first book that she found to hand, a children's novel called 'The Adventures of Bat Boy!' and traded him for it. Without waiting for him to react, she ran off to a quiet corner with her newly won book on vampires, and flicked to the section Instructor Thomas had left his bookmark in.
Of the dhampir, the child of the Half Moon, the teachings of Aidios say this; pity the wretched creature, but do not trust it. Born only when a pregnant woman is infected shortly before the birth of her child, the curse is passed from mother to child in the womb, but to a much lesser extent. As such, the child does not become a true vampire, rather a piteous half-breed, confused as to its own nature and place in the world. Their blood is a curious mix of human and fiend, blending the strengths and weaknesses of both to a lesser extent than either a pure human or true vampire. The half-vampire can walk in the daylight with great difficulty and enjoy extremely strong favours where a true vampire would taste nothing. They also possess weakened physical vampiric abilities, enhanced senses and speed, strength and reflexes comparable to the greatest of mortal athletes without any training. Rarely, they may show signs of psychic abilities, prescience, telepathy and mental compulsion. Though it seems they cannot well control this facet of their powers, the abilities operating more on instinct.
While they cannot regrow entire severed limbs like a true vampire, they possess enhanced regenerative abilities, able to recover from grave wounds in a matter of minutes. Like a true vampire, they still thirst for blood, though they do not need it to sustain themselves, able to eat human food as they are. To the dhampir, human blood is more akin to a stimulant, a powerful drug that briefly increases their abilities to be more like those of their progenitors. Of the vampire's greatest powers, such as shapeshifting, they have no recourse, bound to human form permanently. Dhampirs do not need blood to survive, so it is possible for humans to live beside a dhampir peacefully. However, their thirst for blood, which they still find addictive even if unnecessary for their survival, often tempts them to wickedness and so a virtuous dhampir is rare. Even of those who do not act in accordance with their baser natures rarely belong to the Septian faith, out of fear or contempt. Sacred blessed weapons harm them just as gravely as true born vampires, and it said pure faith wounds them terribly.
Dhampirs are often mentally unstable as a result of their unnatural bloodline, possessing a vast number of delusions, phobias or other mental impediments to living a normal life among humans. The most famous of these is arithmomania, or compulsive counting of small objects. Also well-known is an inability to break a pact, or refuse a deal once agreed upon. Or even excessive need to repay real or imagined debts. Most are afflicted with a sort of productive or creative insomnia as soon as night falls, filled with a hyperactive energy that all but precludes sleep. This insomnia is the worst on nights where the moon is half full, for this is the symbol of the Dhampir, and the immensely superstitious creatures are affected by this symbolism intensely. The greatest weakness of the Dhampir though, is the aura of unease that surrounds them. All humans in proximity to them are inclined to react somewhat disfavourably towards a dhampir, either through hate or fear or rage. The effect is worse the more pious, or virtuous the person in question is. A brother or sister of the Septian faith may feel such discomfort as to instantly realise the dhampirs true nature within moments of meeting them. Dhampirs often inadvertently encourage this dislike with their eccentric behaviours, or sometimes ill-timed bursts of clairvoyance, revealing embarrassing secrets.
To one not versed in the ways of Septian Faith, there are other, physical manifestations of the Dhampirs' cursed blood to watch out for. You will know the half-vampire by its deathly pallor and soulless dark eyes. They will have a distinct lack of visible injuries or signs of strain, whatever their daily occupation, other than tell-tale shadows under their eyes as a result of chronic insomnia. Their voice will often have a subtle, lyrical quality, and they may unconsciously lapse into rhyme without seeming to notice. Excessive consumption of food and drink, without ever seeming to be sated or sickened, is another sign, for the dhampir gains less nourishment from food than a human would. Prodigious consumption of alcohol with no ill effects may also be a sign, as even the strongest of drinks is greatly diluted by the vampiric curse. In fact, despite of this ability to consume a massive intake of food and drink, they often appear sickly, frail, or even emaciated. It is unknown if the dhampir is truly immortal or just ages slowly, but all recorded instances of them have looked no older than early adulthood, suggesting they stop aging upon reaching human maturity. Vampirism is a curse in all forms, but to the half-vampire, it is a true illness, blurring the line between life and death and rendering existence a misery.
Emma put the book down, thinking hard about what to do with this information. Obviously Instructor Sara knew, the two had met before in some capacity, and as scatterbrained as she sometimes appeared, Emma had a feeling that Sara wouldn't miss something this big. So should she trust that Evander was one of the rare, good members of his kind, and keep his secret until it came out naturally or he revealed it himself? Or did Sara not understand the danger, or underestimate it in a reckless way? That 'orienteering exercise' she'd arranged had been far more dangerous than expected after all. She might not be the best judge of character. In the end, Emma decided she had to investigate more, Celine could even help, a cat could go where she couldn't, listen to conversations that wouldn't be held in front of humans. Plus, her magic lore was greater than Emma's, if anyone would know more on the subject, she would. Besides, she might be wrong, there was no guarantee this wasn't all coincidence. So Emma would do what she did best, wait, prepare, and study. Come what may.
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Though it pained her to do so, Emma had hidden the book in the wrong section, so neither Instructor Thomas or anyone else looking for the information could find it. She didn't dare check it out and bring it back to the dorm, but she needed to make sure she could access it at a later date, hence hiding it somewhere no one would go looking for books on vampires and other legends, namely the Orbal Science section. She returned to the Dormitory and rejoined the cleaning efforts, trying to observe Evander without letting anything slip. It was harder than she'd thought, because Evander seemed to be going out of his way to avoid her. Any room she entered, he would almost immediately leave on some excuse, good or bad. At first, she worried rumours of vampiric telepathy were true, like he had earlier bragged, and he knew she was on to him. Or that the smell he reportedly attributed to her, probably related to her practice of magic, was repulsive to him such that he was trying to steer clear of it. Eventually however, she found it was something quite different, when Rean pulled her aside while they were both scrubbing mould out of one of the upstairs bedrooms.
"I guess you've noticed Evander's been avoiding you ever since the orienteering exercise," he said quietly. "I just want you to know, it's nothing personal. He insulted you to try and help me and feels really bad about it. So he's avoiding you out of guilt."
"But how would insulting me help_oh. Did he think he could distract Alisa so she could forget about the," Emma coughed, "ahem, incident?"
"Yeah, I guess so. Maybe he thought she'd get angry on your behalf or something? I don't know, his plans always seem to collapse around his ears. Like he's cursed or something. I just wanted to you know. He doesn't really think you smell weird. His heart was in the right place, and I asked him not to try and help that way in future. I'll figure out this situation with Alisa on my own. Just maybe give him space until he figures out how to apologise to you. He'll get there eventually, Jusis and Laura don't seem to be on as bad terms with him as they were before."
"Thank you for telling me Rean. I'll admit, I was getting a little worried. I thought I'd done something to offend him, or he really was disgusted by me."
"Ha! I'm sorry Emma, you must get this a lot. But you really are too kind for your own good. Most people wouldn't think something was wrong with them when Evander was acting up, usually they'd think the exact opposite. That something was wrong with him."
"I don't think he can help people thinking that," muttered Emma, more to herself, than to Rean. "Even when tries differently." She wondered if there was a spell, or ritual she could perform to counteract whatever aura Evander gave off. It would be easier to investigate his true nature if that was out of the way. She knew how to make a suppressing artifact, that would mildly dampen supernatural effects, that might work. But how to get him to wear it, or even give it to him without him getting suspicious. "Rean, do you think it'd be weird of me to make all of Class Seven some friendship bracelets?" she suggested, thinking that might work. Obviously only Evander's would have the suppressing effect, but if everyone got one, it wouldn't be weird right? And he couldn't refuse to wear it without offending her further, which according to Rean, he was already stressing over.
"It depends," said Rean, "how badly do you want to see Jusis sneer at you when you offer him one?" he joked, "I'm just kidding, trust me, after today, friendship bracelets are probably the least weird thing that could go on in this place. I mean, you'd have to put some sort of curse on them for them to take that prize. You're not going to, right?"
"Hahaha," Emma laughed nervously, Rean was almost as bad as Evander when it came to randomly stumbling across things, "no of course not! I wouldn't even_" Evander poked his head through the door suddenly.
"Downstairs stat, the Archfiend herself approaches," he told them before vanishing again. Then, as if he could almost sense their blank, baffled looks from a distance, he poked his head back in, "I mean Instructor Sara. And she's been drinking, a lot." He vanished again.
"You know," said Rean after a moment, "we should go, I'm starting to think he really can smell people coming, and this room is just about done anyway." The two of them headed downstairs and found themselves joined by the rest of Class Seven. Machias was currently arguing with Evander, insisting he couldn't possibly know Sara was coming from this distance. Evander had taken up position by the front door, his hand on the doorknob, and was loudly performing a countdown.
"Five, four, three, two, one!" he yanked the door open and jumped aside, just as Sara, her hand raised to knock on a door that was no longer there, staggered through. She righted herself with surprising adroitness and peered blearily, and a little crossly around the room until her eyes alighted on Evander.
"Stop doing that," she said sternly, or as sternly as one could while slurring their speech. "I need a drink," she mumbled, despite having clearly had too many already. "You wouldn't believe, the day I've had! After I filled out all the paperwork finalising your transfers to Class VII, Moustache Man had the nerve to point out every little teensy error I'd made on the forms. I had to redo them three times! Have you ever heard of something so ridiculous?"
"I don't know," said Evander, "have you ever heard of moderation?"
"No, but I'll drink that too, if you've got any," no one could tell if she was joking, because at this point she spotted one of the half empty wine bottles they'd been using to clean the windows sitting on the floor. "That'll do!"
"Wait!" called Emma, "don't_!" Too late, Sara picked up the bottle and took a deep swig. Her face went almost purple at the foul taste and she spat out a huge spray of the foul liquid with the rest dribbling out of her mouth. There was a long silence as she slowly lifted her free hand to wipe her mouth clean.
"I'll just take that," said Evander, before you smash it on the wall, was left unsaid, and gently removed the bottle from her hands and set it down somewhere safe.
"You kids are awful!" said Sara, "whose idea was that little prank? Huh, was it you specs?" she pointed at Machias accusingly.
"No, he just wanted to feed you a cockroach," said Fie.
"Fie!" hissed Macchias. Luckily, Sara didn't seem to hear any of this exchange, blitzed as she was.
"How about you, stretch?" she gestured at Gaius, "did you think this up?"
"Ah Instructor, I don't mean to pry," said Gaius, "but just what sorrows are you trying to drown?"
"Weren't you listening? I had to do paperwork!"
"Oh please," said Alisa, "if paperwork caused alcoholism my mother would be worse than you."
"Hush, blondie," said Sara, "I'm not an alcoholic, I can stop anytime."
"Is that not the exact same thing every alcoholic says?" asked Jusis.
"You be quiet, other blondie!"
"We do have names, Instructor," said Laura, "I would think you could use them, for politeness' sake, if nothing else."
"I know you have names, doesn't everyone?"
"That wasn't really what she was trying to say," said Elliot, laughing nervously.
"Don't bother Elliot," said Machias, "if she wants to hand out nicknames, let her. She can have one too, how does Booze Tornado sound?"
"Like something I'd want to see," slurred Sara, then she suddenly seemed to sober up like lightning and fixed a scary glare on Macchias, "but not be called. Understood?" He gulped and nodded wordlessly. "Alright kiddos, how'd the cleaning go? Just took a tiny bit of work, right? I bet you've been slacking off all day since I started off too easy on you!" It was surprising she didn't spontaneously combust from the sheer amount of fury directed at her. "Huh? Why are you looking at me like that? What did I say?"
Scene Break Here
It was the night before the second day of term, and not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse. But while the rodents and other innocent creatures of Trista were blessedly wrapped up in the embrace of blissful sleep, Evander was wide awake and working like a demon to finish the remainder of the clean-up work. After pretending to retire to his room after dinner like the rest of Class VII, he had soon risen once again and gone back to work, alone, and unhindered by the light of day. To be fair, he had tried to sleep, only it had been pointless. His mind burned with energy and ideas. He could see every unfinished task around the dormitory dancing around in his head, like they'd been permanently scorched into his brain. So silently and speedily, like the ghost of a professional sprinter, he began to work his way around the building, cleaning, repairing and restoring everything in sight with alarming alacrity. And, at around four o'clock in the morning when the moon was nearly finished its journey across the sky, the dormitory was well and truly spotless as Sara had requested. With the approach of the rising sun, Evander's energy was already beginning to fade, so he retreated to the now gleaming kitchen and poured himself a cup of ridiculously strong and sweet coffee.
"It's four am, again," he muttered, "and I'm craving something stronger than coffee, again."
"But you won't drink a single drop," said Sara, appearing beside him as if out of thin air. He didn't even jump, just wordlessly handed her a can of beer he'd got out earlier, as though knowing she was coming. "You gave your word. And Evander never breaks his word," she continued, and then took a sip from the proffered can. "Ah. That hit the spot! And you didn't even tell me it was too early to start drinking! Keep up that attitude and you and I will get along just fine."
"It's never too early for me Instructor," replied Evander, taking another sip of coffee and staring out the window. "As you can see," he gestured expansively at the spotless kitchen.
"You shouldn't have done all this yourself. It was a task for the group."
"I couldn't sleep. It's been weeks since I last slept."
"You ever hear of reading a good book when you can't sleep?" she asked, keeping a straight face even as he glared at her.
"That wasn't even remotely funny."
"Neither was, 'you ever hear of moderation?'" she retorted, mimicking his musical voice. "Now we're even. If anyone here needs to think about moderation it's you."
"I don't appreciate being lectured on moderation by a flagrant drunk," said Evander, getting annoyed. "Did you want something?" he asked, a little rudely, "other than a beer, I mean."
"How rude! Don't you want my company?"
"No, it's rather that I know that no one wants mine. You're here to lecture me, I can tell. What did I do this time?"
"Geez, you must be a real laugh at parties," said Sara, frowning.
"No. But I'm a killer at charades."
"Alright, you win. Instructor Thomas came into the faculty lounge reading The Adventures of Bat Boy today."
"Is that unusual?"
"For him? No. That's not the point though. He was reading that particular book, because another student had removed from his possession, very urgently I might add, a book on vampires."
"Oh. Emma went to the library during lunch."
"Yes, oh. I told you to keep a low-profile Evander. It's day one and Emma already suspects you of being a vampire. What have you been doing? Apart for inflicting me with Instructor Thomas giving me a two-hour lecture on how great Bat Boy is."
"Nothing! I swear! Well I did tell them I was telepathetic, but I don't think anyone believed me. And I did that trick where I knew people were coming, with Elliot as well as you. But anyone could have done that!"
"No, not anyone. Only someone with senses that put a bloodhound to shame. So, you can cut that out, and any other party tricks you've been doing while I haven't been supervising you. I went out on a limb for you, Principal Vandyck is putting a lot of faith in me, and you by extension, in letting you study here."
"I get it. I do."
"I hope so. Class Seven has a real chance to make a difference. Not just in healing the rift between nobles and commoners. You're a part of that. If people can accept you, imagine what that would mean?"
"I know. I won't let you down."
"Good. Now, I've arranged for you to receive some tutoring for your reading and writing from Sister Ornella. You'll_"
"Sister Ornella? You know I can't set foot in the chapel!"
"Okay, firstly, no one is keeping you out of the chapel but yourself. And secondly, if you'd let me finish, I was going to say that you'll be meeting her for lessons at the café in the main square. Which was very nice of her to agree to, so you'll be on your best behaviour."
"And if she senses what I am?"
"She won't put a stake through your chest in the middle of Kirsche's if that's what you're worried about."
"And Emma?"
"She won't either."
"That's not what I meant. What am I supposed to do about her?"
"Well, you can stop telling her she smells weird for a start. Other than that, just be friendly and normal I suppose. You can do that right?"
"Is that a serious question?" Sara sighed and pinched the bridge of her nose.
"Maybe just settle for friendly then."
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Gaius always assumed he'd be the earliest riser in Class VII. Growing up in Nord Highlands, rising before the sun was up was pretty much a way of life, even for children. He'd been planning on getting up for a quiet cup of tea before the chaos of the day descended on him. He wasn't sure what the day's plans were, but centring himself and calming his mind before was always going to a be safe bet. However, he'd barely set foot at the bottom of the stairs when Evander popped out of nowhere, or perhaps thin air, thrust a cup of tea into his hand without explanation and then leapt back and swept a low, exaggerated bow.
"Greetings and salutations, my dear classmate!" he announced cheerily, "top of the morning to you, and may your day be fine, and blessed by the Winds." He paused at Gaius' baffled expression and frowned. "Is something wrong?"
"What are you doing?"
"Being friendly," said Evander, "was it too much?"
"No, I meant what are you doing up so early? But yes, too much," said Gaius chuckling.
"Drat, I knew it was a bit much. Don't mention this to anyone else, would you? I need to work on my technique. And I'm not up early, I didn't sleep. There's a difference. I was bored, so I did some light cleaning."
"Light cleaning?" Gaius blinked, and looked around the room, eyes finally adjusting to the predawn gloom, and saw the place had been entirely restored to the pristine condition it must have been in when first built. "You did all this yourself? It's spotless!"
"I doubt it, I ran out of energy shortly after four in the morning, there's probably a few corners of skirting left to scrub. But I'll get to that later. After I dust the architrave in that corner, it's really bothering me, but I can't find a stepladder anywhere in this place. But that's not the point. I'm glad you're here actually, because I have something to ask you. Gaius, you're a cool dude."
"Thanks, I guess, but that's not really a question," Gaius had decided to stop questioning things and just go with the flow. Conversations with Evander tended to go easier that way. "Ask away," he added, taking a sip of the once again, perfect, tea.
"Yeah, you're a cool dude. And I'm a weird dude, but also kind of a cool dude. So, from one cool dude to another. Does Emma want to ram a wooden stake into my heart?" Gaius, composed always, lowered his mug from his mouth and examined Evander's expression. Yep, the boy was one hundred percent serious. "Oh wait, did I say something about a wooden stake? Forget you heard that."
"Consider me an amnesiac for the purposes of this morning," said Gaius easily, "were you trying to ask if you she hated you? Because I'm sure she was a little put out by your behaviour yesterday, but I wouldn't go as far as to think she was really angry at you or anything. If anything, it looked like she was trying to talk to you yesterday."
"Hmm yeah, I got that impression too. But I didn't have a good apology ready yet. How would you apologise to her?"
"I'd start with the word sorry, and go from there," said Gaius simply. "I find that works best."
"Really? Is that it? I can't just do that. It needs to be big, epic, friendly, and most of all, completely normal!" Needless to say, it was going to be anything but normal.
Scene Break Here
As if she had some sort of prophetic insight that something weird was going to happen this morning, Emma was elusively late to come downstairs. Just about everyone else was already down in the entrance lounge, waiting for Instructor Sara to make an appearance and give them some instructions. Only Emma, as mentioned earlier, and Alisa were absent, and even she finally showed up, coming downstairs and finding everyone except for Evander gathered under the chandelier in the centre of the room.
"What's_"
"Morning Lady Alisa!" came Evander's booming voice from above. Alisa nearly jumped out of her skin and looked up to see Evander perched on the chandelier like a bizarre light fixture. In one hand her had some sort of scroll, and in the other was clutching a long blade of grass. "I trust you slept well?"
"Yeah, but this is going to give me nightmares," she snarked, once her heart stopped racing. "What are you doing up there, you weirdo?"
"Yes, I am a weird dude, but also a cool dude. So, I'm apologising to Emma." Elliot mouthed 'don't ask' repeatedly, but Alisa couldn't help herself.
"You're apologising to Emma. Who's not even here. From the chandelier. With a rolled-up bit of paper and a blade of grass?"
"This isn't a blade of grass," said Evander, putting it up to his mouth and blowing along it to produce a piercing whistle. "It's a grass whistle. Best instrument I could drum up at short notice. Elliot is a cool dude, but not a weird dude, so he wouldn't loan me his violin at such short notice."
"Did you try offering him a fiddle of gold in exchange?" asked Jusis, "I find that to be an efficacious method in obtaining deals."
"For his immortal soul? Oh ha, ha! I know that song too. A fiend went down to Bareahard, looking for a soul to steal. He was in a bind, running so far behind, and he heard every noble in that viper pit was willing to make a deal. I'm surprised you, know that song, isn't it more a commoner thing?" Jusis shot him such a scowl that even he realised he'd put his foot in it and wisely changed the subject. "And this isn't a rolled-up bit of paper," he continued, "but a banner!" He produced a ribbon and tied one end to the crossbar of the chandelier and then let it drop and unfurl. In huge, childish block script, he'd written, Emma Doesn't Smell Weird and I'm Sorry for Suggesting Otherwise, From Evander.
"I helped him write that," said Fie, looking far too pleased with herself.
"I wouldn't advertise that," said Macchias, "it's not something to be proud of."
"I had nothing to do with this," said Gaius, "in case anyone was wondering."
"Is it that bad?" asked Evander.
"Yes!" said Alisa. "What would possess you to write that!?"
"Who told you I was possessed?" demanded Evander, nearly falling off the chandelier in his shock.
"I don't know," said Laura, looking at the banner consideringly, "It's short and to the point, I guess. You can't ask for much more than that."
"Thanks Lady Laura!" said Evander, smiling brightly and widely, showing off his too-sharp teeth, "you're a weird chick, but a cool chick."
"I don't believe anyone has ever described me in such a fashion before. I'm not sure whether to be pleased, or offended by that," said Laura.
"Don't worry, neither is anyone else," said Rean, "he's been calling people something similar all morning. You'll get used to it."
"Why the sudden change of heart, Evander?" asked Alisa, "is this one of your other personalities?"
"Alas no, Lady Alisa, I have but one personality to share your radiance with. But I'm a new man today. Instructor Sara found me last night, and unleashed fury upon me. She said, 'Evander, I have skills and I'm not afraid to use them. If you don't stop being rude to people, you better sleep with one eye open or I'll stick you like a pig.'"
"Seriously!?" asked Elliot.
"No," Evander laughed. "She was more like, 'Evander, you're weird dude, but a cool dude. You'll make more friends by being nice to people. Or I'll stick you like a pig. So as a group apology to all of you, I cleaned up the rest of the dormitory by myself. It was the least I could do."
"Wait, what?" Alisa looked around and realised that for once he wasn't lying or insane, the room really had been fixed up. "That's…really nice of you. And a little insane. But mostly nice. You didn't have to do that."
"I told him that too," said Gaius, "about a million cups of coffee ago. He's more than a little hyper right now."
"Gaius, Gaius, my mental gentleman, it wasn't even close to a million cups, if you can trust anyone to count properly, it's me. Now everybody be quiet, she's almost here!"
"How could you possibly_" Macchias cut himself off as Emma came down the stairs, mid-yawn, only for Evander to leap down from the chandelier and land right in front of her. He blew that piercing grass whistle right in her face and then leapt aside so she had a clear view of his apology banner.
"Good morning and trippy vibes to you on this fine day Lady Emma! Allow me to register my sincerest apologies for my crass behaviour yesterday! I'm sorry that I_" He suddenly lunged to the side, dropped into a ball and rolled clear of the chandelier seconds before it suddenly dropped from the ceiling and hit the ground with a mighty crash. "No!" Evander let out a pained groan, and instead of getting back up, crawled over to the wreckage and started painstakingly counting up the broken crystal shards and wooden splinters. He was sifting through the mess with his bare hands, seemingly oblivious to all the cuts he was receiving in the process. "Oh man, Instructor Sara is going to unleash so much fury on me for this," he muttered. "She was up all-night boozing, and now this! I'm sorry Emma, I've gone and ruined this apology. I'll have to try again."
"Please no! That's fine. I uh, appreciate the effort."
"No, the apology was unacceptable, I have to fix this or I won't be able to rest. And, Sara's coming!"
"Oh please, did you see her last night?" asked Machias, "if we see her before noon I'll eat_"
"Hiya kiddos!" announced Sara, strolling down the stairs, looking completely composed and sober, and not even the slightest bit hungover. "What's going on?"
"Regnitz was just about to tell us his plans for breakfast," said Jusis, smirking.
"Great! What are we having! I'm starving! You would not believe the day I had yesterday!"
"Trust me, we would," said Alisa, "like we heard about it a hundred times, almost."
"Morning Instructor," said Evander, still crawling around on the floor, "please don't unleash fury on me. I'm trying to count."
"Evander!" she yelled, finally noticing the wreckage on the floor, "what on earth did you do!?"
"Why are you blaming me for this!? It was Ambrosius Flume's fault!"
"Uhuh," said Sara, putting her hands on her hips and looking unimpressed, "and who is he when he's at home?"
"I think he was the architect who drew up the plans for most of Trista," said Emma, thinking back to a book she'd read before coming here. "But of course, he's long dead."
"He would be dead again, if I got a hold of him," said Evander, "for designing such dodgy supporting beams. He ruined my apology to Emma and_"
"No, it was fine!" insisted Emma, trying to forestall further attempts to give her a heart attack, "I accept your apology." She remembered the part she'd read yesterday about unpaid debts and quickly added something to address that. "We're even, you don't owe me anything."
"Are you sure you don't want me to find Ambrosius Flume's closest living relative and get them to apologize?" he offered.
"Okaaay, I think Evander needs to switch to decaf," said Sara loudly, "and we all need to move on. It's good you're all up bright and early, because you have a full day ahead of you. Day Two of term is designed to cement our school's close relationship with the town of Trista. All first year students are given the day off and encouraged to explore the surrounding area and introduce themselves to the locals and business owners. You'll be spending the next two years here after all, and we want you to feel at home among the residents. Of course you could all just go back to bed and ignore this request, but I'd be very disappointed and you wouldn't want that. So get out there and explore! Except for you Evander, you've got a date waiting for you over at Kirsche's Café, don't keep her waiting!"
"Damn!" said Rean, "you move fast Evander!"
"It's just for tutoring," explained Evander, getting up after finishing his count on the floor, "nothing inappropriate about that. Besides, she's a sister."
"Are you afraid of her brother or something?" asked Fie.
"Not that kind of sister," explained Machias, "a sister of the church. Which is even worse. Are you sure Evander should be let loose on members of the clergy, Instructor?"
"Oh, ye of little faith," scoffed Sara, "what could possibly go wrong?" Everyone looked over at Evander, who was currently fiddling with the sleeves of his jacket, which was still riddled with holes, with a look of intense concentration on his face, oblivious to the blood dripping from his hands.
"If I may make a suggestion," said Jusis, "the word you're looking for is everything. Everything could, and probably will, go wrong."