The pounding in Becky's head can go away any minute now.
She sits up with a groan, adjusting her glasses and getting her bearings. Whatever knocked her out apparently had done the same to the rest of the team. Jack's even snoring.
They seem to be on some kind of broad ledge or terrace, both it and the high wall to their backs made of a dull grayish stone. The Gate itself is nowhere in sight.
She has no idea how they got here. All she remembers is stepping through the Gate on a mission to PM4-523, checking out rumors of a naquadah mine and a nearby ruin Daniel expressed an interest in.
Then nothing else, until now.
The ground trembles. To her right on a wide grassy plain elephant-sized mammals scamper past with brown fur, long ears, powerful hind legs and fluffy tails, resembling nothing more than-
She rubs her eyes, wondering if she's hallucinating. A second look confirms she isn't.
They're rabbits. Giant rabbits, whiskers, twitching noses and all.
Come to think of it, everything around them is larger than life.
Terrific. Why can't they have normal missions like everyone else?
She balances on unsteady feet and goes to the others one at a time, giving them a gentle shake. "Hey, wake up. We've got a problem."
Daniel groans, turning over on his side. "Mmm. Five more minutes?"
"What he said," Jack mumbles, eyes still closed.
In the meantime Sam and Teal'c have already gotten to their feet. While Daniel and Jack show no signs of head injuries themselves their reluctance annoys her. Now is definitely not the time for laziness. "Oh come on you two, I'm serious! We're in big trouble. Get up, for crying out loud."
"Alright, alright! Sheesh, you're bossy today." Jack slowly sits, rubbing a hand over his face. "God, my head hurts. That last step sure was a doozy." He looks around, brows furrowed. "Hey, what happened to the Gate? Danny, is this some kinda joke?"
"Don't ask me, Jack. I just woke up myself." Daniel adjusts his glasses and frowns. "Looks like some kind of terrace, though from what I recall this wasn't in the image the MALP sent back-" A giant rabbit blinks at them with twitching nose and whiskers before hopping away. "Ah, was that what I think it was?"
Jack's eyebrows almost meet his hairline. "Huh, big bunny. Anyone else get the feeling we're not in Kansas anymore?"
"I should think so, considering we're at about one-twelfth scale by my estimate," Becky says. Everyone looks at her and she shrugs. "I used to be into miniatures when I was a kid."
Sam looks around with a thoughtful frown, the wheels already turning in her head, evaluating possible scenarios and solutions. "Colonel, Becky's right. We're the ones who changed, not our surroundings. There must've been an error in the Gate's decompression routine since we weren't restored to normal size on this end like usual after transit. I'll have to run a diagnostic on the DHD before we return to New Earth."
"Um, that might be a problem." Daniel points in the direction of the cupcake-shaped device, currently the size of a twenty-story building.
Her shoulders slump. "Oh. Right. We're too small."
"Well you know what I always say, Carter," Jack says brightly. "When in doubt apply C4."
"Sir, the DHD's made of pure naquadah, same as the Stargate. At our size the explosion won't even leave a dent in the material. If we can't find a way to fix it we can't open the Gate. We might stay like this forever."
"Peachy." He sighs, removing his cap to rub at his graying hair. "Okay campers, new plan. Let's get our bearings on the ground and see where we go from there."
While Daniel, Sam and Teal'c kneel and open their packs for the emergency climbing gear Becky peers over the edge and blanches. What used to be a simple step has turned into an awfully long way down. "Um, if it's all the same to you I'd rather stay here."
"Hey." Jack's hand rests lightly on her shoulder. "Beck, I know you hate heights but there's no point in hanging around here either. Tell you what- why don't I go first and you come after on my rope? I won't let you fall, promise."
She ducks her head, ashamed. Slowing down the team only to indulge her irrational fear is really bad form. "Okay."
"Good girl," with an encouraging pat to her arm. "Now c'mon, let's see what's doin' in the Land of the Giants." He lowers himself over the side with ease. Taking a deep breath she reminds herself to be brave and follows suit.
On the ground what would be otherwise be just another Gate meadow has instead become a jungle, grass and flowering plants reaching for the sun in shades of green and gold. Jack, Sam and Teal'c attempt to hack a way through with their field knives but the vegetation's so heavy and thick all they can do is shove it to either side.
The botanists on base would have a field day with this, Becky thinks, though she'd recommend two squads of marines to accompany them armed with machetes. And cartloads of carrots to distract the rabbits, which while not an immediate threat remain damned difficult to avoid.
When the rabbits abruptly scamper off, everything goes quiet and still. Too much so for her liking. It's setting her teeth on edge.
The grass gives a sudden rustle. Everyone stops save for Daniel, who takes an automatic step forward out of curiosity.
Jack grabs his arm, yanking him back. "Dammit, Spacemonkey! If I've told ya a thousand times…"
Daniel shoots him a glare for the detested nickname. "Jack-"
"Daniel-"
"Stop it, both of you!" Becky snaps, getting between them. "There's something over there," pointing to their left.
The grass rustles again. A flying insect the size of a small car erupts into the air, swooping close to Becky. She gives an involuntary yelp, stumbling backwards into Teal'c.
Out of reflex Jack empties his P90 into the bug, which explodes into bloody bits.
Daniel ruefully wipes gore off his glasses. "Nice shot, Jack."
"Anytime, Danny. Everyone else good?"
"I'm fine, sir," Sam says, wrinkling her nose as she edges around the remains of the insect.
"I am also unharmed, O'Neill." Teal'c looks down at Becky. "Becky Grahme, the danger has passed. You may now release my arm."
"Bug," she says in a faint voice. "Big, big bug. I don't like big bugs." Great, a doctorate in linguistics and she's babbling like an idiot.
"A considerable size indeed," he kindly agrees, easing her death grip. "I do not care for them either. But O'Neill has dispatched it most effectively, there is no further cause for alarm."
"I'm not so sure about that." Daniel looks around in apprehension. "Anyone else think we're still being watched?"
"I do." Jack slaps a fresh ammo clip into his weapon. "Let's keep going, campers. We need to find some higher ground in case there's something nastier out there so look sharp."
Sam hefts her P90, senses on full alert. "Colonel, I really don't like this."
"You and me both, Carter. When we get back home I'll have Walter put this world on the Do Not Call list. It's giving me a serious case of the creeps."
Becky silently agrees, scanning the skies for another of those huge and downright creepy flying insects. All she sees are birds- possibly raptors- circling high overhead, searching for prey.
A sudden harsh cry from above attracts Becky's attention until something soft and furry blocks her path.
Golden eyes the size of dinner plates with slit black pupils blink slowly at her in curiosity. "Mrrr?"
She swallows. "Uh, guys…?"
"Huh," Jack says, cocking his head at the giant feline in their way. "Big bunnies, bigger kitties. Makes sense."
The feline steps closer to sniff at her, the huff of its breath stirring her hair under the field hat. "Mrrr."
She gives the wet and velvety nose shoved in her direction an awkward pat, acutely aware of sharp needle teeth just inches- or mere fractions thereof at her size- from her person. "Um, good kitty. Nice kitty."
Satisfied the feline rolls onto his back- definitely a male- and the grass bends and breaks under the weight. A loud purr fills the air as he looks at her expectantly, belly exposed, paws facing upwards.
Jack grins. "Knows a cat person when it sees one, doesn't it Beck? I think he wants you to scratch his tummy."
Sam covers her mouth with a hand, holding in laughter. Teal'c looks distinctly amused. Daniel just smiles and pulls out his camera to take a picture, such a smart aleck sometimes even though she loves him.
Becky glares at them, wondering if this is the mission when the legendary SG-1 finally cracks from all the weirdness. "What is it with you guys? This isn't funny at all!"
"Maybe not," Jack drawls, "but it sure is cute. Just remember if he follows us home there's no way the General will let you keep him as a pet." She stares daggers at him and he smirks right back.
The grass parts to reveal an even larger feline, eyes narrowed and ears flattened. The kitten gets to its feet and scampers over, submitting to his mother's ministrations, squirming under the touch of her long, rasping tongue.
"Alright campers," Jack says quietly, "while they're distracted let's get out of here, nice and slow."
They back away, step by careful step. Just when they're sure of a safe getaway Daniel's foot lands on what would've been a tiny splinter in normal size. At their current scale it makes a very loud snap. "Oops."
The mama feline raises her head and growls, ears flattening. Abandoning her offspring she stalks in their direction. Sensing a hunting lesson, the kitten follows eagerly behind.
"Run!" Jack orders. They turn and plunge blindly through the grass, spooking more of the giant bugs in their wake. Mamma and baby follow at an easy loping pace.
Teal'c turns and fires his staff weapon into the air as a warning shot, energy sizzling above the felines. They startle a little but quickly resume their pursuit.
"Dammit T, use the lethal setting next time!" Jack yells over his shoulder.
"I will endeavor to do so, O'Neill!"
Daniel stumbles and falls. The feline pounces, pinning him down with a single huge blunt paw.
"Danny, play dead!" Jack urges. "You're good at that."
He rolls his eyes but closes them anyway, letting his body go limp. The mama sniffs at him curiously, prods him further, extending her sharp claws for a final, fatal blow.
Becky runs up to the cat, giving a fierce kick in the hind leg. "Hey, get away from him!"
Hissing in rage the feline turns and feints at her but she rolls out of the way just in time. Spitting out a mouthful of dirt the mama cat angrily rights herself to face Becky, teeth bared, muscles tensing for a mighty leap-
A sharp resonating crack fills the air. A cannonball slams into the dirt between Becky and the felines. The team hits the ground while mama and baby scamper off.
Two giants tower above them, carrying antique hunting gear and wearing brown coats and matching breeches, somewhat Mediterranean in skin and hair coloring. "Oh rotten luck, Teitu," one drawls. "A bit more to the left and you might've had meat for tomorrow's supper."
"Only because you jostled my arm at the last minute." The other sighs, cradling his musket in the crook of one arm. "That tears it, I'll have to check the snares for rabbits on our way home and-" He stops, blinking down at them. "Oh, my. Seems there was a reason the Circle of Light opened after all, old boy. We have unexpected guests to our world, rather diminutive ones too. Welcome, travelers. I am Teitu and this is Aranthur," both doffing tricorn hats and bowing.
"Pleased to meet ya," Jack says, taking off his cap in return. "I'm Jack and this is Sam, Teal'c, Becky and Daniel. We're just passing through, though if you know anyone who could help us out of this little jam we'd be much obliged."
"You mean this is not your normal size?" Aranthur looks almost crestfallen.
"Not at all," Sam says quickly. "It's due to an unexpected error in the algorithm for the DHD's decompression routine, which reconstitutes our molecules to the correct size after transit through the Stargate's wormhole-" A sharp look from Jack cuts her off.
Teitu rubs his chin. "There are currently some visiting scholars in town, studying the abandoned mines. We should ask the Magistrate to send a telegraph request for specialists in the Circle of Light. Only a few hours from the Schola in the capitol by the rails."
"Splendid idea. Perhaps we should also inform the traveling circus of a new novelty act-" Aranthur holds up his hand at their alarmed look. "I merely jest, travelers. I assure you we follow the ancient tradition of hospitality, no matter the manner of arrival. You'll be safe as houses with us, you have our word."
Becky shares significant looks with the rest of the team, weighing options in their unique form of nonverbal communication. Finally after a nod from Jack she steps forward and bows. "Gentlemen, we accept your kind offer. May we request in turn a lift to your town?"
Teitu beams at her. "But of course. Come with us, little people."
"I feel like a leprechaun," Jack grumbles, scrambling with Sam and Teal'c onto Aranthur's proffered hat.
"The Lilliputians from Gulliver's Travels, actually," Becky corrects him as Daniel helps her onto the upturned brim of Teitu's. Truth be told she's beginning to get a kick out of this adventure. "Hey, look on the bright side. At least we're not hanging out with giant rabbits or cats anymore."
He smirks at her. "Good point. Never a dull mission, huh?"
Aranthur and Teitu good-naturedly answer their questions as they follow a well-used road through the forest to Cisra, the closest town to the Gate. Hunting is their hobby; they're actually merchants of the Rasna nation of Eturia, the local name for P4M-523. Daniel and Becky perk up at the phonetic similarities to the language of the Etruscans, a pre-Roman civilization in Italy on Old Earth.
In Cisra the buildings and clothing of its citizens resemble 18th-century European styles, with anachronistic touches of late 19th-century technology here and there. The Magistrate obligingly sends a request by telegraph to the Schola in the capitol city for specialists in the Circle of Light, in the meantime inviting the team to join him for supper with the visiting scholars and other local notables, including Aranthur and Teitu. As they seem a trustworthy folk conversation and information is willingly shared while dibs and dabs of food are served on appropriate doll-sized dishes.
According to the Magistrate, many generations ago their gods gathered their ancestors for a journey through the Circle of Light to their celestial home. In due course the gods fought and were conquered by a mighty sky serpent, who promptly slew them and put the people to work in the naquadah mines. Several centuries back the sky serpent's guards themselves left to do battle with another god in the heavens, leaving them alone. They've been hosting the occasional traveler or trader appearing through the Circle of Light ever since.
"We have recently received overtures from Tarraka, weavers of textiles even finer than ours," Aranthur remarks. "We are willing to make introductions."
"That would be wonderful," Becky says. "Your generosity is much appreciated. New friends and trading partners are always welcome." All the clothes from Old Earth have been washed and reused so many times they're getting rather shabby.
Jack's beaming as he lowers the thimble in his hands, filled with drops of the local wine. "Ya know, I've changed my mind about this planet. It's not such a bad place to visit after all!"
As it turns out Teitu's young daughter Thanica- who provided the dishes from her fine collection of miniatures- has been so enchanted by their diminutive guests she promptly offers the loan of her exquisite dollhouse for the team's use overnight. While hardly the quality of a five-star hotel- miniature furniture isn't nearly as comfortable as the real thing- they have no complaints.
And, as Jack dryly observes, it's loads better than the alternative.
Later on after everyone's snug in their beds (big and little alike) Becky reflects on the day and begins to chuckle.
"What's so funny?" Daniel whispers from his spooning position behind her.
"Just that it's been quite a day. You guys hardly ever have normal missions, even when I'm accompanying you. I mean, have you ever heard of anyone being shrunk to one-twelfth scale by a Gate decompression error and having to rappel down naquadah steps, avoid getting stepped on by rabbits, attacked by flying insects and chased by wildcats before enjoying a feast in the company of giants and spending the night in an 18th-century dollhouse?"
"Well, now that you mention it this mission's certainly a first for the annals of the SGC. Though to tell the truth it also kinda scares me a little."
"It scares me too," she replies soberly. "If Sam and whatever specialists show up tomorrow can't fix this problem we might stay like this permanently. How are we going to do our jobs effectively if we remain at miniature size forever?"
"I have no idea. But whatever happens I feel better knowing we're in this together."
She smiles into the darkness, just making out the huge shadowed outlines of Thanica's bedroom. "So do I."
"Knock it off, you two," Jack gripes from the next room. "Some of us are trying to sleep. And no fooling around either. These walls are pretty thin, ya know."
Daniel sighs. "Jack, you know we don't do that on missions. It wouldn't be professional."
"You did on PX7-246."
"Only because the villagers would've sacrificed Becky to a volcano otherwise and-" He checks himself. "Never mind."
"You're one to talk, Jack," Becky counters in defense. "You and Sam did some indulging that night too, from what I've heard."
"Hey, how'd you know about that? Teal'c, did you spill the beans?" Becky smirks at the sharpness in his voice. Her suspicions were right after all.
"Beans have not been spilled, O'Neill," comes the deep voice from another room, unruffled as ever. "What happened on PX7-246 has stayed on PX7-246, as we agreed."
"Yeah, whatever. Good night, John-boy."
"Who is this John-boy? Even now there are many things about Old Earth culture I do not understood."
"I'll tell ya tomorrow, T. Get some sleep everyone, that's an order."
Daniel sighs into Becky's ear. "How is it he can get under my skin so easily?"
"It's just his way of showing how much he likes someone. Take it from me and Uncle Mac, he's always been like that. Though maybe if we put our heads together we can come up with something to get back at him."
"Mmm, maybe we should," tucking his head against hers. His lips brush the side of her neck. "Sweet dreams, Thumbelina."
She takes his hand, kisses it. "You too, Tom Thumb."
The next morning a trio of scholars and their youthful assistant- accompanied by a government representative- arrive on the train, eager to meet with the miniaturized team, suitably intrigued by their predicament.
Carts are provided by the Magistrate to transport everyone to the Gate clearing. Aranthur and Teitu bring their muskets as protection from the beasts- and coincidentally to finish yesterday's hunting- along the way.
Sam perches on the shoulder of one scholar, instructing the others how to open the DHD, run a simple diagnostic without a computer and make necessary repairs. The mining specialists reveal their findings of an untapped naquadah vein and Becky and Daniel engage in preparatory negotiations for joint use of the mine in conjunction with the Rasnan government, promising an official diplomatic visit later by Major Begay's SG-9 for formal ratification.
Despite the team's current (and hopefully temporarily) diminished status the mission's proving to be a success after all. Even Jack and Teal'c are satisfied with the outcome. The Rasnans should make good allies, and these days they need all they can get.
Finally Sam and the scholars arrive at a workable solution to the error in the DHD's decompression routine, what amounts to a full reboot of the system and a forced correlative update from the Stargate network. When it's complete a test run is made by the assistant, cheerfully walking through and coming back without even an inch taken off his height. It's time to leave.
Teitu good-naturedly gets on his knees to bid them farewell. "Good fortune and happiness to you, new friends. We hope you will return to continue our discussion- at your proper size, of course," he adds with a wink.
"So do we," Becky replies, shaking his index finger with both hands. "Your hospitality is much appreciated. Please thank your daughter especially for the loan of her dollhouse. Good fortune and happiness to you and your people as well."
Aranthur carries Sam over after speaking to the scholars one last time. "We're good to go, Colonel," hopping off his hand. "Should be restored back to normal size when we emerge from the wormhole."
"Great news, Carter. Keeping my fingers and toes crossed," Jack says. "C'mon campers, I'm looking forward to sleeping in my own bed tonight."
A scholar dials the address for New Earth, and the familiar blue-white shimmer is established once more. All it takes is a simple step through like on any other mission.
When they emerge in the SGC's Gateroom everything appears to be in their proper proportions. Thank goodness.
"Good to see you alive and unharmed, SG-1," Hammond says from the control area. "We were concerned when you missed your check-in yesterday. What happened?"
Jack grins as they walk down the ramp. "Long story short General, we ran into big trouble right at the start. But it turned out to be a rather small problem in the end."
"I...see," in the tone that means he really doesn't. "Well, I look forward to further enlightenment at debriefing, Colonel. In the meantime Dr. Fraiser's ready in the infirmary for your post-mission exam."
"Of course, sir. We'll get to that in short order."
Becky rolls her eyes as she and Daniel fall in behind Sam and Teal'c. "Great. He'll be making these stupid puns all week."
"Most likely." Daniel leans down and puts his lips close to her ear. "As it happens I have a plan for later tonight, when he's having dinner away from his quarters."
"You're not thinking what I think you're thinking."
"Oh, I certainly am." His smile is wicked in a way she knows and loves well.
She snickers, sliding her arm around his waist. "Dr. Jackson, I like your style."
Hours later the evening's peaceful silence is broken by Jack's shout of surprise.
"Hey! Who short-sheeted my bed?"
Becky looks up from where she lies cozily entwined with her raven, tucked under soft sheets and blankets. "Hmm, wonder how that happened."
"I have no idea. We've been here in our quarters the entire time, haven't we?"
They smirk at each other and share a sweet kiss, content in a job well done.
Notes:
After months of writer's block it's great to be posting again!
For information on the real Etruscan civilization and a fun Etruscan name generator, consult your preferred search engine. Images of actual and reproduction 18th-century dollhouses can be found on Pinterest.
And for details on what happened on PX7-246, see Ch. 2.