Chapter 14
"This wine is great," Sara said, looking at the label.
"Yeah, I was watching a drinking talk show and this one was recommended, from New Zealand."
"Bet you're glad you're able to drink again," Sara said, topping up their glasses and Grace smiled, taking a sip.
"Yeah although I haven't been spending my evenings drinking these days," she replied, smirking at her friend.
"You're not going to go into details about your sex life with Namjoon are you," Sara answered, pretending to gag. Secretly she was definitely Team Namace but she liked to tease her friend as much as she could, especially considering she seemed to have picked their mutual attraction well before either of them did.
"Eeeewwww, no, I'm not sharing that,"
"Why eeeeewwww, is it not good," Sara asked and Grace picked up a cushion and threw it at her.
"Definitely not bad! In fact, very, very good," she said, blushing a little.
"We always talk about guys we've been with," Sara said, grinning back at the colour on her friends cheek. Most of the last 6 months she'd been pale and looked unwell from the treatments but now, she always had a glow. A Namjoon induced glow was her guess and she was very happy it was constantly there.
"Yeah but they've never been our friend before. Do you really want those kinds of images of Namjoon in your brain?"
She thought about it for a short time and then shook her head. "No, I'd rather just think of him as Namjoon and not Jooooonie," she finished his name with a whine, "or oh, Joonie, yes, just like that!"
"Shut up," Grace said with a laugh, knowing her friend knew her so well.
"But seriously Grace," Sara continued, "you seem really happy."
"I am, so happy. He's great."
"He's always been great."
"Yeah but he's really just so great," Grace said, looking into the distance, lost in her thoughts.
"He's not a bad boy like you're used to though."
"He can be," Grace said with a raise of her eyebrow, "but no, he's the sweetest and I realised I'm not really after the bad boys after all."
"So you can see this as a long term thing?" Sara thought it was building that way, the foundation of their friendship well built before anything happened.
"Yes, I want it to be. I don't want to think about our relationship any other way."
"Grace! You might get married!"
Grace burst out laughing at that. "We've only been dating a few months, let's not get ahead of ourselves."
"Don't tell me you haven't thought about it," Sara said, looking at her friend knowingly. "You definitely have."
"OK, I won't tell you that," Grace replied, sipping her drink again because she had in fact thought about a life with Namjoon, of course she had. But she was realistic, they needed a lot more time before looking ahead to anything like that.
"You are so smitten, it's sickening," Sara said, teasing her still. Really, she though it was great, jealous actually, wishing she had something like that for herself. She was going on a blind date the next day, I guy someone from work had set her up with. He was a music producer and also rapped under the name Suga. She wondered if he would be sweet like his name sounded or if he was another dud like she'd dated recently. Only time would tell.
"I am, I really am," Grace replied, putting her glass down and reaching for her friends hand. "I actually miss him on nights we're not together."
"You miss the sex you mean."
"No, not just that. He was one of my best friends before anything else and now he's so under my skin that it feels weird to not see him every day."
"Gross," Sara said, squeezing her hand back.
"Yeah but he's my gross," and she laid her head back against the couch, soaking in the time with her friend, thinking about the one she loved.
Her hair was longer now. Not long by any stretch of the imagination but long enough to put little clips in it instead of just having weird tufts sticking out so as the season grew warmer, she started taking off her hats and clipping her hair instead.
"Looking good Grace," Jungkook said, assuming his familiar lean against her desk.
"Oh you like this look," she asked, reaching up with a grin to pat the tiny clips that dotted her head.
"It's cute," he answered, lightly touching a clip with his finger. "You seem better," he asked tentatively but she turned in her chair to look at him as she nodded.
"I think all the chemo drugs have left my system and well," she smiled to herself at the other reason. Namjoon. He left a healthy glow on her skin.
"Ha," Jungkook laughed, folding his arms across his chest. "I've seen that look. I've worn that look. This guy must be treating you right, in and out of the bedroom," he added with a smirk.
Reaching over she hit his thigh and then gave it a squeeze. "Oh my word, these just keep getting bigger."
"Mmmm," he laughed as she removed her hand, "he likes my thighs."
"I can see why. And yes, Namjoon has always treated me right."
"I'm sure he has but that sparkle in your eyes is new."
"I haven't had much reason to sparkle this year," she said, thinking about the appointment booked for tomorrow, the thing that had been distracting her the most this week.
"I think you've been through a lot this year and if he can bring your sparkle back then keep him." Jungkook was sweet, hot as hell but when he looked at her this way, his eyes were filled with nothing but tenderness.
"Does your man make you sparkle too," she asked as he pushed off from the desk to walk away.
"Yeah he does and he might also make me make noises that only he gets to hear," he said, winking as he strolled off towards the kitchen, leaving a grinning Grace behind. Looks like they were both more than satisfied in that aspect of their relationship.
She was still smiling when her phone went off, a reminder set 24 hours before to make sure she didn't miss her appointment. As if she could. But she didn't smile quite the same way for the rest of the day.
That night found Grace at Namjoon's apartment, not an unusual way to spend the evening. Before they were dating they spent 4 or 5 days a week seeing each other at some stage. That should really have been a clue earlier that they were more than friends. And now that they were together, it was almost every night that they were at one or the other apartment, often staying over. Tonight she was staying at his and had taken the morning off so they could go to the appointment together and her mind was all over the place.
Walking around, pacing the living room space, she was flicking through books on his shelves, unable to sit still when he called from the kitchen.
"Jagi? Do you want ice in your drink?"
"Yes please Joonie," Grace called back, hands coming to rest on the bound leather book, nothing like the notebooks she'd seen him use before but she remembered what it was. Flicking it open, she saw it was now almost full of Namjoon's handwriting, notes drawn above some words to show how the lyrics should be sung.
"I did have the iced tea you like, I thought I'd run -, oh," he said when he saw what she held in her hands.
"You've been writing more again," she asked, handing the book back to him as he looked embarrassed. She'd read a little last time but she could tell he was still getting used to the idea of others seeing his work.
"Yeah, I've dabbled a little more in the last few months. For some reason, putting my thoughts down in rap helps me process everything."
"I want to hear them sometime, the words are amazing. You're so clever Joonie." Sitting down on the couch, she tucked her legs under herself and took a sip of her drink. She meant it, she'd always found him amazing but the way he put his thoughts down on paper was always more than she could believe.
"You know, I wondered if you'd be around to share them with, that was a scary time, when you were really sick. I wrote my darkest ones then but they're lighter now that you're better. You've kind of been my muse through them all, you were the one who encouraged me to get back to what I love doing." His ears were a little red, embarrassed to be talking about himself, not loving being the centre of attention.
"That's because I knew you were good at it. You're good at everything you do. And we don't know yet."
"We don't know yet what," he asked, as they both put their cups on the coffee table and she snuggled close.
"There's no guarantees what the doctor will say tomorrow. I feel good, better than I have in ages but I've read online-,"
"-I told you not to google anything," he said, frowning. The internet had proven to be a damn scary place when he had tried to get information about what Grace was going through so he'd decided to just go with what the doctor was saying.
"You did and I couldn't help myself, it's my body after all," she said and he leaned to press a kiss into her hair.
"I know, I get it," he mumbled into her hair. "But I feel like it will be OK."
"Joonie," she said, pulling back so she could stare at him and her face was very serious, "if it's not good news, I don't expect you to stick around. I don't want to be a stone around anyone's neck, you're too young for that."
"That's not even something I'm willing to discuss with you Grace." His tone was firm and his eyes were piercing as he looked at her. "I'm not walking away."
"You didn't sign up for all this crap though," she said, eyes dropping a little, the worries catching up with her.
Namjoon reached for her, pulling her into his chest and she breathed in the raw, manly scent that emanated from his body along with the body wash she was used to smelling on his skin."You know I'll always be there for you Gracie, no matter what happens?"
"I can't ask you to keep being there if it's not good news though. That wouldn't be fair."
"Do you get to decide that? I mean, unless you plan on closing the door on our friendship as well as our relationship, I'm going to keep showing up for you."
She sighed at his words, feeling so many emotions in that moment because that's what he's been doing for months for her, showing up. To her house, to her appointments, whenever she needed him. And she believed him, that he'd keep showing up no matter what.
"I love you so much Joonie. You have been the one person who has kept me sane this whole time. But it's not just that. You get me, you're my person."
"I am, I'm your person," he agreed and they cuddled into each other, feeling the moment until the brush of lips on skin and hands on waist lead to rising and walking to his room, caressing away the stresses, at least for now.
"Well, you must be feeling anxious. I'm glad you brought someone along but I won't keep either of you waiting."
Namjoon was holding her hand, tightly, and the warmth radiated through her even as she felt cold fall over her body as it was finally time to hear the results after the weeks of surgery, treatments and recovery. It was crunch time and she felt like she would be falling apart if she didn't have Joon with her today.
"We were of course very pleased with the surgery itself. The margins we took meant we didn't leave anything behind and the scans afterwards confirmed that."
Grace nodded, none of that was new, they'd told her that while she was still in hospital.
"And you responded well to the chemotherapy although I know you felt ghastly at the time," she continued, looking sympathetically towards Grace but speaking quickly. "But the important thing is the tests that we've just done."
Grace felt her heart rate increase and Namjoon squeezed her hand in his, letting her know he was there for her. "And they've come back to say you're in remission." Grace heard the words, felt Namjoon move next to her and heard the exhale from the breath he must've been holding too. Everything felt foggy and disjointed as the doctor continued. "We've talked about the reoccurrence rates and they're very low Grace so I think you can leave here today and put this all behind you."
She tried to say something, to thank the doctor but the words wouldn't come out, trapped under he weight of her relief. Namjoon looked at her and spoke up. "Thank you, really, thank you for all your care for Grace. We really appreciate it."
"Of course, I'm just so pleased this is the news I've been able to give today. Of course, there will be check ups every six months but I have a lot of confidence moving forward that you're going to be OK Grace."
Nodding, Grace managed a tiny thank you, reaching to squeeze the doctors hand and both she and Namjoon stood up to go.
"No, stay if you want to," the doctor said, looking between the two of them. "Take a moment and just leave when you're ready," and she gave them a quick smile before walking out and closing the door.
Instantly, Namjoon pulled her to him, his arms holding her tightly as all his stress from the waiting was poured out. "Thank goodness. It's done. And like she said, you can put it all behind you now jagiya."
"I don't want to put it all behind me Joonie," Grace said as they broke apart, moving to look at each other.
"You don't," he asked, frowning at her words. If it was he who had been her shoes, he'd want to walk out the hospital and pretend it didn't happen.
"No. If I hadn't had to walk through this, I'm not sure we would've found each other," she said softly and he smiled gently in return, reaching to stroke across the familiar planes of her face.
"We weren't lost to start with Gracie."
"I think we were, a little. I'd eventually have been brave enough to hit on Jungkook and been disappointed to discover he was already well and truly taken. You might have stayed silent forever thinking I didn't care for you this way."
"I think eventually I would've said something but caring for you meant I had a reason to get close to you."
"Now that you don't need to take care of me anymore, what's going to be your excuse for getting close to me?"
"Boyfriend rights," he said, leaning to peck her lips, grinning as she frowned.
"Really? It's an automatic right is it?"
"Isn't it," he asked, confused at how they'd gone from celebrating to that look on her face.
"You think you have the right to just get close to me, walk up to me like this," she said, stepping into his space, "to put your hands on my body," she continued, taking his hands and putting them on her hips, standing on her tiptoes to whisper in his ear. "You think you have the right to use your mouth to do things to make me gasp?"
Her breath was hot on his earlobe, teeth slightly grazing it as she leaned in close. Namjoon swallowed. "I was kind of hoping so," he managed.
"Well, it's not an automatic right but since I like it, anytime you do any of those things to me, it's a yes, just in case you were wondering." She pressed a kiss to his mouth, relaxing as he moved with her lips before pulling away. "So, where to, to celebrate?"
"Ah, my bedroom," Namjoon asked, running his hands through his hair and attempting to calm himself from the teasing she'd just given him and her voice rang out, the prettiest, most relaxed laugh he'd heard in months and he was head over heels, fully determined to make sure she always laughed like that, ready for the next chapter of their story to unfold.
Namjoon - Diary Entry
I haven't been writing here these last few months, I haven't needed to pour my feelings out quite the same. But today I had to come record that Grace is going to be OK. The doctor said the chances of it coming back were very slim and I know she isn't going to live with that fear in the back of her mind. She is going to plow ahead and live her life and thankfully, that includes me.
I have so many plans, so many places I want to take her and things I want to do with her but I don't have the imminent feeling of rushing to get them done now. Since she has the all clear, we can take our time and do those things at a pace we can enjoy together. And I want to ask her when she wants to move in with me because one thing this has taught me is life is full of unexpected twists and turns so you should seize the moments while you can. And it's not something I really need to think about or battle about in my head. The thought of waking up with Grace every day is motivation enough, if she's ready.
Her sparkle is back. She lifts her head up again now, greets the world with a who gives a crap attitude, is grateful for everything and everybody. And it has changed her a little but she's still the friend I always cared for and the lover she is now. A little less chaotic but still Grace, my Grace and no matter what happens in the future, we know we can get through the hard times together.
And all those times that I was trying really hard to think of her as my friend and not a beautiful woman, to be respectful, to not look at her the way I really wanted to? I have no idea how I managed! Because now I get to see her, all of her and she fills all of my vision when I look. The breeze against my face that refreshes me. The warmth that surrounds me when she smiles. The one I want to look at forever. That's it, I can't wait. I'm asking her to move in with me tomorrow.
Epilogue
Two follow up appointments had been and gone, both showing Grace was still in remission and she was almost back to her old self. Her hair was down past her ears now, much cuter than the tufts from a year ago. But it wouldn't have mattered either way if it was tufts or hair down to her waist. Namjoon was in love.
She'd said yes to moving in and talked him into getting a cat 4 months ago, a little tiger called RM that woke Namjoon at stupid o'clock as it walked across his face to snuggle next to Grace. But who can blame him, that's the place Joon feels safest too and the fact Joonie put up with it was another reason for Grace to realise how much she was in love with him.
Their friends had finally stopped teasing them about how sappy they are when they're together and don't even notice when they sit on each others laps or share food and drinks. Surprisingly, Sara is no longer single, her blind date turning out not to be a dud after all. Yoongi had joined their little group as another guy to balance out the dynamics on movie nights, getting on well with the girls and especially Jin and Namjoon. He could even cook and cook well so they sometimes ate real food instead of takeaways when they got together which was still usually once a week.
A wedding was on the horizon, the craziness of watching Jin and Elsbeth planning it proving Namjoon and Grace were definitely not ready for anything like that themselves. But it planted a seed of possibilities that had Grace blushing into her pillow when she thought about it and Namjoon wondering if he should start a savings account. Because as well as discovering each other the last few years, they also realised how much they were each others comfort and neither was going to let that go. Sometimes friendship can become more, sometimes a blip in your life can be the beginning of a better journey. Sometimes what you need, is right under your nose all along.
A/N **So, that's their little story. It was longer and harder for me to write as it mirrored my own story for a little while, happy to say all my testing has now also come back fine. But it did mean it was almost a story I abandoned. I always planned on giving her a happy ending though and, in case you didn't get the hint, I've left it open to write a Sara and Yoongi story too if i want. If I do, it will be a while a way, so much going on with life. But please let me know if you liked it with a kudos or comment. It means a lot :) And now off to finish Scents books 2!**