July 17 1981

Sirius sat at Remus's house staring absentmindedly at the wall, A half bottle of whiskey in front of him with a full glass in his hand. Things had been very hard lately on all of them. The stakes were higher than ever before. The Potter had gone into hiding two months ago, and he missed them desperately, but he couldn't talk about that, not with Marlene, not with Remus. Marlene didn't even know about the idea of placing the charm on the Potter's hiding place, and Remus didn't know that Sirius would not be the secret keeper. Peter was to become the secret keeper, he and James thought the death eaters would instantly suspect it was Sirius, he was the obvious choice so instead, they decided without telling Dumbledore that Peter would be the secret keeper.

He missed his family. Marlene had been growing more distant and as much as he wanted to give her all the answer she wanted, he couldn't, there was too much was at risk.

Remus walked into the room before spotting Sirius, "go home Sirius," He grumbled before walking through the room to get to the kitchen.

Sirius continued to look at the wall, "I can't."

Remus stopped turning to look at him, "What do you mean you can't Sirius?" Remus asked his frustration showing.

Sirius couldn't look Remus in the eye. He was too ashamed of himself. So instead he looked down at the amber liquid the glass in his, "I don't want to upset her even more, every time I see her, I can see it in her eyes, the distrust."

"Then go home and talk to her," Remus demanded, his voice becoming louder. This had been going on for too long. Sirius comes here instead of going home to his fiance and child before sitting and broodingly getting drunk. Sirius held all the cards in his hand but refused to use them. He was in a prison of his own making, but he still took it out on those around him, and Remus had had enough.

Sirius took a sip of his drink before saying under his breath, "and tell her what exactly?"

Remus took a deep breath, his anger slowly growing, "It may have escaped your mind, but you have a child you can't just give up when it gets too hard you need to grow past this, Marlene needs you, but here you are sulking and leaving her worried at home."

"I'm not sulking," Sirius snapped staring up at Remus with discontent. He took another sip, the burning feeling in the back of his throat soothing him. He looked away from Remus as a few seconds went past and he sank even further back into the chair, "I just can't lie to her again."

Remus sighed before he moved closer, leaning against the wall and looking to his best friend. "I know its hard Sirius, but you have a family. And I know you want to protect them, but they need you. Marlene's so confused she came to me and begged me for answers, it's your job to talk to her, not mine. You may not see it, but she needs you."

Sirius placed the drink on the table beside him but stayed in his slumped position looking down at his shoes.

"Atty needs you, Sirius," Remus said, finally capturing Sirius' gaze.

Sirius looked up at Remus, bringing his daughter into this had been a low blow. Sirius stood from his chair his face one of rage, "You don't think I know that?" He yelled at Remus.

"Marlene thinks I don't care, and she won't look at me, she won't touch me and every time we talk she just brings the conversation back to the order, which I can't tell her anything about because that would put her in even more danger!"

"You don't know that Sirius," Remus said calmly used to Sirius' temper tantrums by now.

"Look what happened to Dorcas!" He yelled before taking a deep breath of air. "Are you really going to tell me after that, that I do not need to be worried?

He fell back into his chair, running his hand through his hair.

"The other day I came home to her crying about how I don't care about her or Atria," He was rambling on but Remus felt Sirius needed to get this off his chest so he let him continue. " But I am doing this for Atty. She thinks I'm putting everything else first, but Atty will always come first, that's why I am doing this, I am fighting for her," he finished breathing heavily.

"Then go be with your family, talk to Marlene tell her what you need to to get her to understand." Remus pleaded to him.

"I can't death eaters are already hunting down order members for interrogation, the further I keep Marlene away from it, the better," he sank back feeling depleted. It hurt him, not seeing his family. He missed mornings in bed with Marlene talking as Atty laid on his chest sleeping peacefully. He loved watching her long eyelashes fluttering every now and again as she dreamed but he knew that for now, he had to keep them in the dark. To protect them no matter how much the distance hurt.

"You can stay, but this is the last night Padfoot," Remus finally gave in.

"Thanks, Moony."

Remus left to go to bed and Sirius soon followed.

It was the middle of the night when he was shaken awake.

"We need to go," Sirius opened his eyes to Remus collecting Sirius' clothes off the floor before chucking them at him.

"Why? Where?" Sirius asked in his sleepy state.

Remus ignored him, "get changed quickly," his tone rushed before he stalked towards the door, closing it behind him.

Sirius scrambled out of bed, flinging his clothes on quickly and rushing to the front of Remus's house, meeting him before they both disapparated.

They reappeared only for Sirius to realize they were near Marlene's house, well, Marlene's family home and what had become his home over the last year. Panic filled him as it did not take him long to something had gone terribly wrong. Smoke filled the air as he moved closer, he could see the small house had taken a great hit. He sped up to see the wall that led into the kitchen was completely blown off, and as he sprinted closer the damage only got worse. Before he could get inside, he saw Mad eye, Frank Longbottom and Peter already standing in front of the destroyed house.

"Where are they?" Sirius asked his chest heaving.

"Sirius, I need you to stay calm," Mad eye began, moving closer to Sirius But it was no use.

"MARLENE!" Sirius screamed, he ran to the house, jumping over the fallen debris that was once the kitchen wall before anyone could stop him. He walked through the shattered wood and brick before spotting Nathaniel's body lying on the floor, causing his fear to grow.

"MARLS!" he screamed in terror as he rushed through the kitchen and then out of the corner of his eye he saw her there on the floor not far from Nathanial's body, she lied on her back, eyes open but unseeing. It wasn't happening. His breath rushed out him like snow in an avalanche.

"No," he whispered, staring at her body. Moving closer, he could see the blood dried around her mouth and her hands, once so warm and gentle were as white as snow.

Remus's feet crunched on the ground as he ran in after Sirius. Entering the smouldering remains of the Mckinnon's home he found his best friend hunched over the body of the women he loved. Sirius reached for her face looking into her glazed over eyes. His hands quivered as the touched her cold cheeks but it did not stop him. He cautiously lifted her head gently in his hands "Marls," he whispered, his breath light as if trying to revive her.

Remus moved slowly his eyes transfixed on Marlene's face the face of a girl he had known had grown up with, had loved. he slowly placed both hands on his friend's shoulders, "Sirius, she's dead."

Sirius felt his bottom lip tremble, but he couldn't look away from her, even when he heard others walk into the house. All that mattered was her.

"What happened?" Remus asked the three other Aurors who had followed them in, his hands still on Sirius' shoulders as he kelt holding Marlene face still held in his hands.

They looked between each other, but it was Peter who spoke up.

"Death eaters, we don't know who, they obliterated the house gaining entrance and the explosion killed Nathaniel, Marlene.." Peter paused looking down at his feet, unable to look at Marlene's mangled corpse. "We think she was tortured but killed soon after," Peter said raising his own reddening eyes to meet Remus's.

Sirius placed her head down gently, his hand running down her cheek."Why?" He let out in an angry sob. "She knew nothing."

"We don't know," Frank stated as Sirius rose to stand.

Something clicked in Sirius's head, his eyes filled with urgency as his eyes darted in each and every direction. He stood up instantly, looking at Mad eye, "Where's Atty?"

He was met with silence, a crippling silence that every parent feels before there told shattering news that tears up their souls and lives forever.

"Sirius," Frank sighed.

Sirius's breath constricted, even more, making his head feel light but his anguish stronger, "WHERE'S ATRIA?" he demanded his voice horse and fierce at the same time.

Moody and Frank looked at each other before Mad eye continued slowly, "She's not here"

His breath became heavier as the world around him seemed to fade away. She not here, but she was and now she's gone. Was she dead, was her body as beaten and maimed as Marlene or was it wiped from this world as if it had never existed? He couldn't stop the images of his child's smile flashing through his mind. 'You failed,' the voices all called in his head at once. His fears became a reality, and his nightmare came to life before his eyes.

Time stopped and the air seemed to freeze around him. His eyes were stuck, and for a moment Sirius thought his heart would never beat again.

Remus's eyes followed Sirius' gaze to the small bloodied handprint's pressed into the hardwood floor. His hands went to face and quickly turned his body away, he couldn't look, not at what may be the last traces of his goddaughter.

"No," was Sirius' faint whisper, "No," he whispered again as his hands went to his hair and legs bent at the knees.

Remus would never forget, he could never forget, the sound that still haunts his dreams, the scream that comes only when someone has lost all hope and had all faith ripped from them in one vicious swipe. Because that was the scream, Sirius Orion Black III made when he lost his child.

August 22 1981

He walked up to the nursery and turned the light on, Moony had told him he would stay with him today. Today Atria is one, not would have been one, because she's not dead. He couldn't ever come to accept her death even if she was. He knew the death eaters where not above killing children but he just couldn't face it. But if he never knew what happened he knew he would go insane.

If she was dead, it would mean she would never again stand behind him clutching his leg with her little hands when she saw a stranger, he would never hear her little laugh when he picked her up and turned her around in his arms. He closed his eyes as the tears started again.

He had been too busy, for his own family, busy working for the greater good. But what was the point now that all he was fighting for was gone. While he had been sitting sulking to Remus about his family, death eaters had been in his house and destroyed it all.

If he had been home maybe, Marlene would still been here. Maybe they would both be lying in bed waiting for Atria to let out a cry signalling she wanted her morning bottle. His eyes fell onto the blanket in her crib. He picked up the pale blue blanket holding it to his face and breathing in deeply trying to set back the tears. He looked at the chair in the corner where he used to sit with Atria in his lap reading to her before putting her to bed which was always an easy task. She was unquestionably the most perfect child. She wasn't fussy, she barley cried and always smiled when she saw he father.

It wasn't long after that a funeral was held, Marlene was buried with her family. All of them together, with her two brothers and parents. But Atria would not be put to rest with the rest of them because he felt it in his heart, she was not dead. Death Eaters had taken his child, but he still needed to know, was she at least alive.' Yes she was alive' he said to himself every time the negative thoughts drifted back in. But still every night before he closed his eyes he saw her little body shaking with sobs crying for him to come and get her. But he didn't know where she was. He couldn't stop it this time, a sob of his own wracked his body. 'Your one job and you failed' the one thing he had sworn to protect was gone. The family he had built and sworn to protect was gone and nothing would ever be as it was again.

But the Death Eaters knew, they knew this would break him, so he had to stay strong. He would fight and protect the Potters, the only family he could protect, do all he could to bring Voldemort down because only when this war was over would he get Atria back.

Care of Magical Creatures

He could see him, Harry. He could have spotted him out of a crowd of thousands. His eyes continued to trick his mind. 'Not James, Harry' his godson. Exactly like James in everyway. He stood among the other students watching as Hagrid spoke his green eyes filled with curiosity exactly like Lily's always were.

It wasn't until his eyes locked onto someone else that a strange feeling filled in the pit of his stomach. She looked so familiar and something about her face seemed to haunt him. He moved slowly through the trees to get closer until the he had clear view of the dark haired girl. Why was she so familiar, her face was one he had dreamed about and a feeling of comfort which he had not felt in the last 12 years filled him. All of a sudden she turned to him and his own grey eyes looked back at him and he understood.

And his mind told him one thing. Run

His legs pounded and he sped through the never ending trees of the forbidden forest only when he could run no more did he stop. He stumbled as paws became feet and he fell to that mossy ground.

"Atria."

He stood now in his animagus form, staring at her as she slept. His baby, His child, his Atria. She was more beautiful than he had ever imagined, even in his wildest dreams. He moved closer cautiously observing her, taking in every feature of her relaxed face.

Looking at her now, his self loathing gripped his mind once more. He deserved it, every moment spent locked in the hell he deserved it. He had failed at the one thing he was suppose to do. Protect his daughter. He had failed everyone, his family, his friends, Dumbledore, and Azkaban was his punishment and he had excepted it. But now watching his daughter more than ever he felt it. He had always wanted to be a father, he didn't have loving parents who would protect him and cherish him as ones parents should. But as soon as Atty had come into the world he knew that if he had to die to protect his child he would. Was she loved, was she safe his mind asked all the unanswered questions begging for an answer and the voice in his head said the same thing 'It's your fault, it's your fault.' Her eyelids flickered over her closed eyes just as he remembered from when she was a child.

He moved closer just wanting to be near her but a twig under his foot snapped and than she opened her eyes.