[South Park Elementary morning, kids are already at their lockers getting ready in the hallway, Halloween decorations had been set up while Clyde, Craig and Tweek walk down, talking]
CLYDE: So guys, anything planned for Halloween this year?
CRAIG: Good question, because I haven't got a single clue what I wanna do.
TWEEK: I really wanna go trick or treating this month, but my dad said that I have to work at the coffee shop after school. N-GH!
CLYDE: Oh, well. Well, it sucks to be you kid, I guess.
TWEEK: Hey, I could still try and trick or treat with you guys! Who knows, maybe I'll get my work done by then, you know.
CRAIG: So you know what to wear for Halloween, Tweek?
TWEEK: Uh… I have no idea. Oh god, I hope I make my mind up 'till then!
CLYDE: Relax, dude. It's only like… um, how many more weeks until Halloween, Craig?
CRAIG: Um dude, it's only two weeks until Halloween.
TWEEK: Two weeks?! Oh man, I better start thinking now! I'll- I'll catch you guys later, say ya'!
[Tweek runs off, leaving the two other boys behind]
CLYDE: Jeesh, it seems Tweek gets even more tensed-up everytime Halloween comes 'round. But then again, that is Tweek we're talking about so why I'm not surprised?
CRAIG: Well, you're not wrong about that. But seriously dude, he can't help that. Like, he does have a right to feel cautious about Halloween.
CLYDE: Pfft, you're just saying that because he's your boyfriend.
CRAIG: Yeah, whatever Clyde. Anyway, I'd better be going before I run late for class again.
[He walks off, leaving Clyde on his own and walks to his own locker. As he's getting ready for class, Wendy and Bebe walk up towards him]
BEBE: Hey Clyde.
CLYDE: Oh, hi Bebe.
BEBE: You ready for Halloween tonight?
CLYDE: Bebe, Halloween isn't until two weeks time.
BEBE: Yeah, I know that. But still, you haven't forgotten about the pumpkin patch tomorrow night?
CLYDE: The pumpkin patch? Oh sure, of course I haven't forgotten! Great stuff to do in there, huh.
BEBE: [she chuckles] Sure does! So… what are you gonna wear for trick or treating?
CLYDE: Super Mario, obviously. And I expect you'll be Peach I presume?
BEBE: Yep, you got that right. Anyways, I'll see you after class, Clyde. See ya'.
[Bebe walks off, but Wendy stays behind. Clyde closes his locker and walks closer to her]
CLYDE: You know, if it weren't for all these spooky decorations hung around the school, you'd think it'd be Christmas instead, huh.
WENDY: Yeah, well except Christmas is in December which is two months away.
CLYDE: Pfft! Yeah well tell that to those idiots who are putting up Christmas decorations across the streets. Anyway, so what are you and Stan gonna be dressing up as for Halloween this year?
WENDY: Oh, just something retro this time. Stan suggested that we should go as Naruto and Sakura from that anime we used to watch. You know, something more 90's themed for a change.
CLYDE: Oh, Naruto. Nice. Damn, I really missed those days when cartoon characters weren't so… lame.
WENDY: Anime characters, Clyde! Hey, uh shouldn't we be in class by now?
CLYDE: Huh? Oh crap, you're right! Let's go!
[The two kids leave the hallway and make their way to class]
[Fourth grade classroom, moments later. All the kids are filing in or talking with each other about their costumes]
WENDY: So Stan, you've got your costume ready for Halloween?
STAN: Yep, sure did. Seriously dude, our Naruto and Sakura costumes are gonna kick ass!
WENDY: I'll wait until I see what they look like first, but I hope you're right.
STAN: Oh sure, it'll be fine. Just don't bail out on me like last Halloween.
WENDY: But Stan, that was years ago when that happened and I've already promised that I'll never do that again!
STAN: Yeah I know, just saying. Ah just remembered, Kyle said that he'll be joining us as Sasuke.
CRAIG: [walks up to Tweek] So you've decided on your costume yet, Tweek?
TWEEK: AGH! Uh, no, not yet.
CRAIG: Well… it's fine, just take your time. I can wait. No wait, hold on, I think I've already planned out my costume for Halloween.
TWEEK: Wha-?! Really?! What is it, man?! Tell me!
CRAIG: Well, um, I really don't wanna alarm you buddy, but I'm going as the Fourth Doctor. You know, Tom Baker? Doctor Who?
TWEEK: AGH! Yeah, yeah, yeah, I remember. Hey I know, how about I go as David Tennant? You know, the tenth doctor?
CRAIG: I'm not sure if everyone will be fine with three Doctor Whos trick or treating.
KEVIN: Hey it's fine, Craig. Besides, more Doctor Whos double the fun, eh.
CRAIG: Uh, yeah.
TWEEK: Ah, that's great!
BUTTERS: [he walks up to Clyde] Hey Clyde, so who are you gonna dress up for Halloween?
CLYDE: That's easy, I'm going as Mario while Bebe goes as Peach.
BUTTERS: Neat-o! Me, Pip and Dougie were planning on going as three of the four Beatles members, but… uh, we don't have a fourth member to come join with us.
CLYDE: Oh right, uh… how about Scott join you?
SCOTT: Oh, sorry Clyde. I'm already going with Sophie.
CLYDE: Ah, right of course. Well hopefully you'll find another kid to join you guys, dude.
BUTTERS: Yeah, sure I guess.
CLYDE: Oh shit, here comes Mr. Garrison!
[The kids all run to their seats as Mr. Garrison walks in with a Jack the Ripper costume]
GARRISON: Okay children, let's all-
TWEEK: AAH! JESUS CHRIST, IT'S JACK THE RIPPER! HE'S GONNA COME KILL US! AAAH!
[he frantically tries to get out of his desk, but leans back on his chair and falls over]
TWEEK: A-Augh!
GARRISON: Tweek, is there a problem here? I'm not really Jack the Ripper, I'm your teacher, Mr. Garrison.
CLYDE: [laughs] Really bro, relax! It's just some measly costume he's wearing, and besides Jack the Ripper doesn't exist, he's only in a horror film. Quit being a wuss during Halloween, will you?
GARRISON: Yes, Clyde, that will do.
TWEEK: [he gets up] Huh? Oh, oh. I-it's just you, Mr. Garrison. I'm sorry. N-GH!
GARRISON: Yeah, it's fine Tweek, whatever. Anyway kids, I'll be teaching you why Halloween exists today. Anyone gotta clue why?
[The class doesn't say anything, until…]
CRAIG: Um… scaring them shitless?
GARRISON: Well yes Craig, but it's more than just cheap, stupid costumes and apple bobbing. So Halloween… um… oh yes, Halloween started when Jack the Ripper, who is a serial killer from London, went around London and killed about five to ten women by ripping their bodies in half with his sharp knife which he later used to carve pumpkins with to mark his territory, hence why we call them Jack O' Lanterns. Now does anyone have any question about it?
WENDY: [raises hand]
GARRISON: Yes, Wendy.
WENDY: Well, Mr. Garrison, um, is that how Halloween actually started? Because I don't recall anyone associating Jack the Ripper with Halloween.
GARRISON: Oh, what? You think I'm a complete retard, Wendy? If you're so smart, how about you tell me why Jack O' Lanterns exist, huh? Explain to me that!
WENDY: [after a short pause] The name came from a different Jack.
GARRISON: And? Well you can explain later, let me continue the lesson. So as I was saying children, the reason why we call lighted pumpkin Jack O' Lanterns was because Jack the Ripper used his bloody knife to carve a tree because he wouldn't let Satan himself get down.
CLYDE: Oh, um right.
GARRISON: Now, does anyone have a question about Jack O' Lanterns? Anybody?
BUTTERS: [raises his hand]
GARRISON: Yes, Butters?
BUTTERS: If Satan is supposed to be the king of… heck, how come he didn't wanna get down from a tree? I mean, he's not really a cat or anything.
GARRISON: Well, Butters, it's really simple; the devil was such a gullible son of a bitch, that he believed every lie Jack told me like he told him that he wanted an apple from a tree which was why Satan got stuck on the damn thing in the first place. Ain't that right, Mr. Hat?
MR. HAT: That's right, Mr. Garrison. The devil really isn't as smart as some you kids think, in fact, he's a complete dumbass just like all of you kids.
CRAIG: So… what exactly happened to Satan after that?
GARRISON: Huh? Oh, uh, he was let go by Jack and sent back down to Hell again.
CLASS: Ohhh.
KYLE: That's dumb.
GARRISON: Well, that's why we're learning about Halloween in the first place, so just keep your mouths shut! So uh, yeah, that's how Jack O' Lanterns were made, now let's see how people even celebrate Halloween; does anyone have a clue why?
TWEEK: [quietly to himself] I can't take it… I can't take this, man. That is way too much pressure.
CLYDE: [whispers] Dude, relax. Quit being a scaredy cat, will you?
GARRISON: Boys, are you even paying attention?
TWEEK: AAAGH!
CLYDE: Huh? Uh, yeah, sure we are, Mr. Garrison! Uh, carry on.
TWEEK: Ugh!
GARRISON: Okay then, moving on.
[School cafeteria, hours later. Craig, Tweek, Clyde and Pip meet up with Chef at the serving area]
CHEF: Hello there, children!
BOYS: Hey, Chef!
PIP: Hello, Mr. Chef!
[Craig, Clyde and Tweek look at Pip, perplexed at what he said]
CHEF: Halloween's in two weeks time, can't you believe it!
CLYDE: Well… sure I guess.
TWEEK: AGH! Chef, uh could I ask you something?
CHEF: Why sure, you can ask me anything.
TWEEK: Well, it's… oh god. Uh, was Jack the Ripper the reason why these freaky looking pumpkins are called Jack O' Lanterns?
CHEF: Jack the Ripper?
[He then realises that Mr. Garrison had been teaching them incorrect facts about Halloween]
CHEF: I might've figured… well actually Tweek, it was a different Jack these pumpkins were named after.
TWEEK: It was? Who was it?
CHEF: Well I remember my father telling me about this years ago, but it was from a spooky cracker called Stingy Jack.
CRAIG: Stingy Jack? Is that another name for Jack the Ripper?
CHEF: What? No, no, it was a different kind of Jack. He was the one who constantly outsmarted the devil, one of which he tricked him into getting stuck on a tree.
CLYDE: Yeah, yeah, sounds like the same person to me. Come on, guys.
[The boys walk away with their lunches, leaving Chef]
CHEF: Hey children, wait! You don't know the full story yet! Ah fudge it anyways, they're also kids after all, they'll learn sooner or later.
[Moments later, Craig, Tweek, Clyde and Pip are at a lunch table with Kevin, Bradley and Francis]
CRAIG: Wait, I'm still confused. So are Stingy Jack and Jack the Ripper that same person or not? I mean, they're both called Jack and are apparently very scary people. But like, are they really the same person?
[Kevin and Francis look at each other in confusion]
FRANCIS: Ummm, I don't know. Probably, I mean who would kill ten women along the street and fool Satan several times which both somehow relate to Halloween in some ways.
CLYDE: You know, now that you've mentioned it, it does make sense in some ways. Maybe this Jack guy could be the one who tricked Satan AND killed ten women in the streets, as if it isn't messed up as it is. Perfect sense as to why Jack O' Lanterns are called what they are.
TWEEK: Wait, you sure?! Oh Jesus man, I don't want anything to do with some bloodthirsty, murderous lunatic like him around! Like his ghost could still be around to come and kill us all! Can you imagine, huh?!
[Everyone stares at each other for a moment]
CLYDE: Tweek… stop being a coward, will you? I mean it's not like you've been having these panic attacks before like that time with the underpants gnomes…
TWEEK: What? But they were real!
CLYDE: Whatever, and then there was the time you barged into the computer lab and said that kids at school were turning into vampires… and then you turned into one yourself.
TWEEK: Ngh! I was going through some rough times by then!
CRAIG: And that time you freaked out about North Korea attempting to bomb the town and you.
TWEEK: Come on Craig, you were there too!
CRAIG: Yeah, but you get the point, Tweek. You've gotta stop freaking out over things, dude.
TWEEK: W-what do you mean?! How am I supposed to not freak out over a crazed lunatic who kills ten women and rips their innards out?! He could be after any of us next!
CLYDE: I mean that does sound scary, but here's the thing, Tweek; Jack the Ripper or whoever he's meant to be is just a legend, he doesn't really exist. Well, not right now anyways, but still.
TWEEK: [grunts] Well, there's always a first for everything.
PIP: Um, so anyways… what plans do you have for Halloween this year?
FRANCIS: Hmm, haven't decided yet.
KEVIN: I'm going as a Stormtrooper! You know, Star Wars.
CRAIG: I thought you were gonna be Tom Baker?
KEVIN: Yeah, well I changed my mind. Besides, Red said that it'd be weird if we all went as a different doctor each.
CRAIG: Yeah, that's what I've been thinking.
TWEEK: What?! You mean, you guys are thinking about changing your costumes?!
CRAIG: Well, I guess so. Sorry about that, Tweek.
TWEEK: AGH! Damn! Guess, I'll to go as Chewbacca then.
CRAIG: So we're going from Doctor Who to Star Wars? How original.
KEVIN: Come on, I haven't dressed up as a Star Wars character in months! It'll be way more exciting than dressing up as Doctor Who characters, let alone as a different doctor each.
CLYDE: Yeah, it'd be nerdier too.
KEVIN: What was that?
CLYDE: Huh? Oh nothing, just a thought. [beat] So… anyone planning to watch that new Five Nights at Freddy's movie sometime next month?
[School hallway, end of the day. Tweek is by his locker when Clyde walks up behind him]
CLYDE: Hey Tweek!
TWEEK: [startled] GA-AH! [notices Clyde standing right behind him] W-what are you doing here?!
CLYDE: Chill out dude, it's only me. So have you settled on an idea for-
TWEEK: My Halloween costume? Uh, yes! Yeah, sure I did! AGH!
CLYDE: What is it?
TWEEK: I told you, I'm going as Chewbacca… and Craig's going as Han Solo! Just hope I don't come across any muggers across the street to steal my candy. GAH!
CLYDE: [sly] Well, who knows? Maybe one of them could be Jack the Ripper out to take you down that night.
TWEEK: Oh god!
CLYDE: Like just imagine, Tweek; imagine the figure of a creepy, old man in a Victorian-style suit and all with a long, sharp knife creeping out of the shadows to GET YA!
TWEEK: AA-AGH! Uh, but didn't Jack only prey on women? Like, he killed ten of them!
CLYDE: Well, you have a point there, but you never know where he'll be lurking around the streets…
[Wendy walks by them]
CLYDE: Hey Wendy, you better take care when at night.
WENDY: Why's that?
CLYDE: Because the ghost of Jack the Ripper might be around creeping across the streets, looking for girls to kill with his bloody knife!
WENDY: [she stares at him, confused]
CLYDE: It's true! Mr. Garrison said so!
WENDY: It does sound scary Clyde, but there's one thing you keep overlooking.
CLYDE: And what's that?
WENDY: Jack the Ripper was a serial killer in London which is in England! We're in South Park, Colorado! So it'd be impossible to have the ghost of a British serial killer be in a Colorado town, and besides I don't believe in ghosts.
CLYDE: Well Wendy, you never know. Jack's always looking for women to kill and rip their innards out.
WENDY: Sorry, but it takes more than that to convince me otherwise. [Wendy gets her folder and leaves the hallway]
CLYDE: Yeah, well what do you know anyway? There's always a first for everything, right Tweek?
TWEEK: Uh… yeah! I mean, no! No, I don't! [He runs away, leaving Clyde in the hallway]
[Moments later, Tweek walks down the street, looking to see if a Victorian-style serial killer is there somewhere when he suddenly gets a call from his dad]
TWEEK: AGH! [he checks his phone] Huh? W-what does he want now? [he answers his call] Uh, hello? Dad?
RICHARD: Oh, son. There you are. Uh, do you mind coming to the coffee shop after school? I need your help with something.
TWEEK: What?! But, can't we discuss this at home?!
RICHARD: Well, no Tweek. This is very important. I'll see you later, okay? Bye. [He hangs up the call]
TWEEK: Agh! What the hell's his problem? [he continues walking] I just want to get home and away from any serial killers. [he shudders at the thought] Anything but that.
[Tweek Bros coffee shop, moments later. Tweek's parents are already inside, putting up Halloween decorations around the shop when Tweek runs inside in a panic]
TWEEK: Oh god, oh Jesus!
RICHARD: Hey son, how did school go for you?
TWEEK: Terrible!
RICHARD: Terrible? How so?
TWEEK: T-Today, we were learning about this guy who used to walk along the streets of London and kills people by ripping their innards out and making the devil go up a tree! He-He's called Jack the Ripper!
RICHARD: Jack the Ripper? Oh yeah, I've heard of him. The guy that killed millions of women in London.
TWEEK: Uh-huh! Which was why Jack O' Lanterns are called that!
[His parents stare at him, bewildered]
TWEEK: It's true! That's what we learnt!
HELEN: And?
TWEEK: And now… I think the ghost of Jack is gonna come out of the streets out of nowhere and kill me!
RICHARD: Tweek! Calm down son. Look, ghosts don't really exist, they're all just in your imagination.
TWEEK: Huh? W-what do you mean?
RICHARD: Son, these things happen all the time. You've got a very active little brain and your mind was just playing tricks on you.
TWEEK: Uh? Y-You think so?
RICHARD: Well, sure it was. There's no reason to be afraid of things that aren't real. There's plenty of real things to be scared of. Like super-AIDS.
TWEEK: Super-AIDS? W-What are they?
RICHARD: Oh, uh… A rare form of AIDS which is resistant to drugs. Just one teaspoon of super-AIDS in your butt and you're dead in three years.
TWEEK: [jumps back in fear] AAAH! Oh Jesus!
RICHARD: So now you feel better? Ghosts don't exist and there's nothing to be afraid of. Except the super-AIDS.
TWEEK: But… but this is Halloween we're talking about, dad! What the hell does super-AIDS have to do with anything?!
RICHARD: Hello-? [facepalms] Oh, shit! I completely forgot! Since Halloween's approaching fast, your mother and I had been working hard to put up all the Halloween decorations for the coffee shop. We even got all the Halloween themed stuff on the menu as well.
TWEEK: So what do you want me to do about it?
RICHARD: Well two things actually; first we need your help putting up the last of the decorations and since we might get a lot of customers to buy our new spooky-themed drinks, I'll be needing your help at the coffee shop tomorrow?
TWEEK: Ugh! Does that mean I'll be working tomorrow?
HELEN: That's right, hon.
TWEEK: A-agh! But I need to get ready for trick-or-treating next week! I've already came up with my costume too!
RICHARD: Tweek, relax. You've got plenty of time for that, now come on, this shop needs to be ready by tomorrow.
TWEEK: N-rgh! Okay.
[Tweek walks over to a box of Halloween decorations and start putting the rest of them up along the walls and tables]
TWEEK: Like ghosts don't really exist… do they? I mean there was that time with the pirate ghosts and the underpants gnomes… and vampires. Oh god, what if Jack the Ripper does come out for me on Halloween night, I can't bear getting my innards ripped out by that- [he finds a spider crawling out from the box and onto his arm] AAAGH! [he flicks the spider of his arm in an instant]
RICHARD: Tweek? What's going on?
TWEEK: Th- There was- there was a spider in the box! It just crawled up my arm!
RICHARD: Well it was probably just a small spider, son, it won't bite you.
TWEEK: AGH! Uh… right, of course. It's only a small one… [he continues putting up the decorations] it won't bite… it won't bite, man… it's fine… urgh.
[As he's busy putting up the decorations, Craig enters the coffee shop]
CRAIG: Hey, uh is Tweek here?
RICHARD: Huh? Oh sure, he is. Why's that.
CRAIG: Because we're going to the pumpkin patch tonight.
HELEN: Oh of course, why didn't you say so! He's over there putting up the Halloween decorations.
CRAIG: Uh, right. [he walks over to Tweek] Hey, Tweek.
TWEEK: [jumps from being startled] GA-AGH! [he notices Craig] Oh, hey Craig. Ugh.
CRAIG: So… when do you think you'll be ready to go to the pumpkin patch tonight?
TWEEK: Well, after I finished setting these Halloween stuff up. And then tomorrow, my dad wants me to work at the coffee shop.
CRAIG: Okay, but you still has some time left before tomorrow. Now come on, I don't wanna get there only to find that we came in too late.
TWEEK: [more anxious] Okay Craig, I said give me a minute! Jesus Christ! [he hangs up the last of the bunting on the walls] Okay! I'm ready, let's go and pray that we don't get killed!
CRAIG: What?
TWEEK: Oh, uh… nothing. Let's just go! [The pair leave the coffee shop and to the pumpkin patch]
[Dr. Spooky's Pumpkin Patch, night. Craig and Tweek arrive at the event just in time, everyone is there having a great time unlike last time we saw it]
CRAIG: Oh good, we made it and it's still going. So ba- uh, dude, what do you want to do first?
TWEEK: Uh… get some pumpkins?
CRAIG: Well yeah, sure. That's why we came here.
[Craig walks up to some pumpkins, but Tweek stops him]
TWEEK: But wait!
CRAIG: What?
TWEEK: What if… what if we carve those pumpkins and then Jack the Ripper's ghost appears to kill us?!
CRAIG: Tweek… come on, ghosts don't exist, alright. It's just in your…
TWEEK: Imagination? Yeah, I- I know. Just losing my mind again. Ga-hagh!
[In another part of the festival, Clyde is with Bebe at the churro cart]
BEBE: Isn't this great, Clyde? There's so much to do here and it's only a week left before we all start trick-or-treating.
CLYDE: [with a churro bag with him] Yeah, it sure is! [he then notices Tweek and Craig by the pumpkin patch] Hey, it's them! [he then walks over to them, leaving Bebe at the cart] Hey guys, hey!
BEBE: Huh? Clyde, wait up! [sighs] Oh, never mind.
WENDY: [she walks up] Hey Bebe, what's going on?
BEBE: Oh nothing Wendy, Clyde's just talking to friends.
WENDY: Oh really, what about?
BEBE: I dunno, maybe about the pumpkin patch.
WENDY: By the looks of it, he's probably talking about that Jack the Ripper guy again.
BEBE: [chuckles] Maybe, sounds typical of him. Don't you think?
WENDY: Yeah… sometimes, but hey, he's not that much of a bad person.
[Meanwhile, Clyde walks up to Tweek and Craig by the patch]
CLYDE: Hey dudes!
TWEEK: GA-AGH!
CLYDE: Chill out dude, it's just me.
CRAIG: Oh hey Clyde, what are you doing here?
CLYDE: Spending time at the festival, duh! They sell really nice churros here, want one?
CRAIG: Eh, no thanks. Me and Tweek are just getting some pumpkins to take home.
CLYDE: Oh that's cool.
TWEEK: Um, no it isn't.
CLYDE: Huh, why? You scared that Jack the Ripper might come and get you? Dude, for the last time, Jack the Ripper is just a legend and besides, he was only after women and lived in England. We're lucky that we're boys, so we're safe if Jack ever showed up somewhere which would be unlikely.
CRAIG: He does have a point, Tweek… for once.
TWEEK: Ugh! Yeah, I- I know that, but it's been playing on my mind you know, no matter how much everyone tells me that it's not real. Like I know you've been telling me that ghosts aren't real and my dad's been saying the same thing, but what do you or he know?
CRAIG: Tweek, trust me. I've never seen one single supernatural crap in almost every Halloween I remember, well some I don't really want to remember anyway.
CLYDE: So you don't remember that one time when a zombie invasion happened during the costume contest? Or what about those pirate ghosts during the Halloween haunt back in '99?
CRAIG: Well those pirate ghosts back then were just a cheap set up by Father Maxi, because Halloween is hell to him.
CLYDE: Right, but… Jack the Ripper was a real person though.
CRAIG: Yes, but that was a long time ago… [he turns back to Tweek] My point still stands, Tweek. Everything's gonna be fine buddy, it's all gonna be just fine.
CLYDE: Yeah, well too bad Tweek's too much of a gigantic wuss to even come to his senses about the supernatural, like at all. I mean, if were to come face to face with a ghost, I'd just shine a flashlight at it or something and it would disappear in a heartbeat, simple as that.
BEBE: [walks up to Clyde] Clyde, there you are!
CLYDE: [jumps, startled and turns over to Bebe] Oh, hey Bebe.
BEBE: You've been gone for like a minute now! Come on, the festival's still going and I want to spend some more time with you!
CLYDE: Oh. Um yes, Bebe. Of course. [he walks off with Bebe] I'll leave you guys to it and, um… look out for Jack, will you?
CRAIG: Well, if there ever was one… come on Tweek, let's see what else they have.
TWEEK: G-AGH! O-Okay. [The pair walk away from the pumpkin patch]
[Moments later after the pumpkin patch, the pair walk up to Tweek's house]
CRAIG: So ba- uh, buddy, did you have fun at the patch?
TWEEK: Ugh… uh, well sure I did… I guess.
CRAIG: That's great, see you in the morning, honey.
[Craig walks away, leaving Tweek by his own. He hesitates for a bit and walks inside into the living room where his dad notices him]
RICHARD: Oh hey there son, did you enjoy your time at the pumpkin patch?
TWEEK: Uh… uh, huh.
RICHARD: That's good. Oh remember, you're helping out at the coffee shop tomorrow, make sure you get up early.
TWEEK: Yeah, yeah, I will! [he runs upstairs] Jesus Christ…
[Clyde's house, meanwhile. Clyde is watching TV in the living room]
CLYDE: I'm sure Tweek's a cool guy and all, but my god, he really, REALLY needs to lay off on the coffee. I sometimes question what even happens in his family life, like do his parents make him drink that shit? [he then hesitates to process over what he just said] Well… that explains everything I guess… but still, everyone knows that ghosts aren't real and if they are, I wouldn't be afraid of one. [he then checks the time on his phone] Oh shit, I'd best be going to bed. [he turns off the TV and leaves the room] Can't be too tired for school tomorrow.
[South Park Elementary, next morning. Clyde is talking to Pip, Kenny and Butters in the hallway about the pumpkin patch last night]
CLYDE: So then there was this game where you had to hook a rubber duck with a fishing pole and you get a free plushie when you finally do it. The problem was that it was really hard to perfectly hook one of them, I've missed like 5 times and Bebe really wanted that doll of Justin Timberlake, so… yeah, you get the idea.
KENNY: (Yeah, I know that Clyde, I was there too)
CLYDE: Oh really? I didn't notice, too preoccupied with stuff, you know.
BUTTERS: Well, I'm glad you had fun Clyde… I love rubber duckies.
[Butters, Pip and Kenny all walk away from Clyde and Craig later shows up]
CLYDE: Hey Craig! How are you and Tweek doing?
CRAIG: Tweek? Oh, I don't know. He told me that he's gonna be working today.
CLYDE: Where?
CRAIG: His dad's coffee shop, dumbass!
CLYDE: Okay, okay dude, no need to get aggressive with me.
CRAIG: I wasn't being aggressive.
CLYDE: You did sound like it moments ago.
CRAIG: [clears throat] Yeah, whatever.
CLYDE: So… got your costume ready for tomorrow night?
CRAIG: [sighs] Not just yet, I haven't got the right clothes I need to wear for an accurate Han Solo costume. What about yours?
CLYDE: Mario? Ummm… still haven't made it yet.
CRAIG: Thought so.
CLYDE: Come on now, you've seen any clothes shop in the mall that sell any Super Mario costumes?
CRAIG: Ummmm… nope, don't think so.
CLYDE: Crap. Well, maybe I'll ask my dad and see if he could take me to the mall after school. Surely, they'll be some Mario costumes around.
TWEEK: [he runs up to them] You guys! You guys! Oh god! I'm not too late, am I?
CLYDE: For what? Class?
TWEEK: YES!
CRAIG: [he checks his watch] Ummm… nope, we've still got three minutes.
TWEEK: Oh… that's a relief. So anyways… you've got your costume ready for tomorrow, right?
CRAIG: No Tweek, we haven't. Though we will have a check in the mall after school.
CLYDE: Well, let's hope we don't come back too late or else we might get a visit from Jack the…
CRAIG: Dude, no one gives a rat's ass about ghosts! Now come on, class is about to begin. [he walks away and Clyde and Tweek follow him]
[Several hours later, the school day has come to an end and the kids pour out of the school building. Clyde, Craig and Tweek all walk alongside each other]
CLYDE: So Tweek, we'll see you tomorrow, okay?
TWEEK: Wait, but what if I don't make it in time?
CRAIG: Tweek, you'll be fine. Ghosts don't exist and I'm sure you'll make it by… wait, you have a Chewbacca costume, do you?
TWEEK: Uh-huh.
CRAIG: Oh, that's cool. See you later. [he and Clyde walk away]
[South Park Mall, moments later. Clyde and Craig are inside, trying to find a clothes shop that might sell the costumes they're after]
CLYDE: You know, it's so nice they decided to reopen it last year. I've missed going to that place.
CRAIG: Yep, same. [beat] So, where should we look first?
CLYDE: Umm… [he sees the Stupid Spoiled Whore shop back in S8 and immediately rejects it] Agh, not that one! [he then sees a clothes store right in front of them and points to it] Hey, how about this one?
CRAIG: Well… sure we could go there, I guess… but don't you start crying when we discover that they don't have any Mario costumes.
[The two boys head their way inside the clothes store]
CLYDE: Come on Craig, I don't cry that often!
CRAIG: Well who cares, let's go and find some costumes.
[Tweek Bros Coffee Shop, meanwhile. Tweek is already working inside, goes up to a table and serves two coffee drinks to a couple]
TWEEK: Uh, here are your two medium coffees. Hope you enjoy them.
MAN: Thanks. Hey, aren't you too young to work here?
TWEEK: AGH! How should I know, my parents run this coffee shop!
RICHARD: Hey Tweek, could I give you another errand? I want you go down to the basement and see what needs clearing away, okay?
TWEEK: Aw, do I have to?
RICHARD: Sure you do, we can manage just fine without since it isn't so busy right now.
TWEEK: What?! N-rgh, okay. [he turns back to the customers] Uh, excuse me for a moment, I've gotta go back home and clear out my basement.
MAN: Huh? Right now?
TWEEK: Yeah, sure, my dad said he can manage the shop just fine. Uh, see ya. [he leaves the coffee shop]
[Tweek's house, moments later. Tweek is inside his basement, looking for things to dispose of when he hears the doorbell ring]
TWEEK: AA-AGH! Oh, who the hell could that be?
[He leaves the basement, into the living room and opens the door, revealing Wendy with a pumpkin in her hands]
TWEEK: Huh? Oh, hi Wendy. Why are you here?
WENDY: Hey Tweek. Uh, I just wanted to give you this; I got two from that pumpkin patch yesterday and I thought you might wanna have one. [she gives him the pumpkin]
TWEEK: Uh… thanks Wendy. [he looks at the pumpkin] It's not possessed, is it?
WENDY: What?!
TWEEK: AGH! It's just that… if I carve that pumpkin into a Jack O' Lantern, the ghost of Jack the Ripper will show up and kill me!
WENDY: Tweek… that never happens when you carve out pumpkins. But you know, they are used to scare off evil spirits or people in general.
TWEEK: They do? [he starts laughing] Oh thank god! For a while there, I thought they were cursed! Hey, uh… could you help me with something in the basement?
WENDY: Oh sure I can, Tweek. I'm not doing anything at the moment.
[She walks into Tweek's house and the two walk into the basement. When they get there, they look around for anything need disposing of]
WENDY: So, why are we here exactly?
TWEEK: NGH! My dad wants me to look for stuff that needs getting rid of or to use for any more Halloween decorations.
WENDY: I see.
TWEEK: Yeah, well too bad all he cares about is his stupid coffee shop.
[He knocks over a broom, revealing a dummy skeleton sitting in the corner of the basement]
TWEEK: Huh? AAAAAH! WHAT THE HELL IS THAT?!
WENDY: Looks like a skeleton! But… why do you have it here?
TWEEK: I don't know! I don't even remember having one in my basement! [he then has some realization coming to him] Oh wait… I think I remember now… my dad used to hang up that skeleton outside the coffee shop every Halloween… [pulls on his hair] until the pandemic hit!
WENDY: So why'd he stop using it.
TWEEK: I… I have no idea. Maybe he just thought it was scaring off customers rather than attracting them… much like the Jack O' Lanterns.
WENDY: Oh yeah, that reminds me, so what made you think the Jack O' Lanterns are possessed when you carve them?
TWEEK: Because… Clyde said that Jack O' Lanterns have the spirit of Jack the Ripper inside.
WENDY: [she facepalms from this and groans] I should've known it'd be him… and besides, that was a different Jack the pumpkins were named after. You know, the one who kept fooling Satan every chance he got and when he died, a pumpkin was carved to remember him every Halloween.
TWEEK: Ohh…
WENDY: [she then takes another look at the skeleton] Wait a minute, I think I've got an idea…
TWEEK: What?
[Tweek's house, moments later. The skeleton is propped up outside of the house]
TWEEK: So how exactly is this gonna work, Wendy?
WENDY: Well, there was this game me and my girlfriends used to play during Heidi's slumber party a while back called Light as a Feather, Stiff as a Board and then suddenly… Red just started floating.
TWEEK: What?! How?
WENDY: I have no idea, but we could try on that…
TWEEK: Shhh! Look, he's coming!
[Tweek and Wendy hide behind a hedge as Clyde and Craig come back from their shopping]
CLYDE: Dude, my costume's gonna rock so hard out of everyone tomorrow!
CRAIG: Well keep dreaming, because the guys will all recognize Han Solo, they always do.
CLYDE: The nerds do.
CRAIG: Yeah, whatever. I'll see you tomorrow, Clyde. [he walks away]
CLYDE: Yeah, you too Craig.
[Clyde is about to walk to his house, when…]
WENDY: [whispering] Light as a feather, stiff as a board… Light as a feather, stiff as a board…
CLYDE: Huh? Who's there?
[As Tweek and Wendy are quietly chanting, the skeleton begins floating up and out of the hedge]
CLYDE: [he turns around and sees the skeleton floating right in front of him and becomes terrified] AAGH! What the fuck?! YOU STAY THE HELL AWAY FROM ME!
[Clyde runs inside, screaming, enters the living room and up the staircase]
ROGER: Huh? Clyde, are you okay?
[Clyde's room. Roger opens the door and turns on the light to find Clyde shaking in his bed, still traumatized]
ROGER: Clyde, what's been going on with you?
CLYDE: I- I- I saw Jack the Ripper! He was there in front of me a few seconds ago!
ROGER: Son, I think you've just been seeing things. Ghosts aren't real…
CLYDE: You think?! I saw a dead skeleton floating up someone's front yard with my own eyes! I- I think it's alive!
ROGER: Um, well Clyde, I- I don't know what to make of the whole thing, but… ah, what the hell, let's see how you feel tomorrow morning, okay? Night, boy.
[He turns off the light and closes the door, but Clyde still can't sleep]
CLYDE: [quietly] He's still out there… he's still out to get me… he's gonna get me…
[South Park Elementary, next morning. Everyone is talking about today's trick or treating in the hallway as Clyde stumbles in, his eyes red from not getting much sleep last night]
CRAIG: Oh hey, Clyd- Oh my god, what the hell happened to you? Have you been taking drugs?
CLYDE: N… n- no… but… I- I saw the ghost of Jack the Ripper… I saw him, really…
CRAIG: What? Clyde, I thought you didn't believe in ghosts… or Jack the Ripper.
CLYDE: You don't understand, Craig! Last night, I saw a skeleton floating right before my eyes, it was right by Tweek's house!
TWEEK: [walks up to the two boys] What's going on?
CRAIG: Oh, uh, Clyde just told me that he saw Jack the Ripper last night over at your house.
TWEEK: AGH! Oh, did he?! You see Clyde, I've been telling the truth this entire time! I've been warning you about him, but you kept being a stubborn asshole!
CLYDE: Yeah… I guess I was… I'm sorry Tweek, I really am. It's just that… well… my dad always told me that ghosts are just folklore and I shouldn't believe in that crap, but after yesterday… I'm not so sure if he's actually right about it or not. I mean, it did look real, but then again…
TWEEK: Uh it's fine Clyde, all is forgiven. Just don't do anything like that again, okay? Supernatural stuff freaks me out, you know? It's just who I am.
CRAIG: So… you still think you can trick-or-treat with us tonight? What, with your new Mario costume?
CLYDE: [he hesitates for a bit until finding his voice] Yeah, I guess… [he then becomes confident again] I mean, sure I will, I can't miss out on something important every Halloween, huh?
CRAIG: You're trick-or-treating with Bebe though, right?
CLYDE: Oh shit, yeah, I still am. I'm gonna go and find her to see if she too has her costume ready for tonight, I'll see you guys in class.
CRAIG: Yeah, you too buddy. [Craig and Tweek walk away from Clyde]
CRAIG: Hey, uh, Tweek, could I ask you something?
TWEEK: Uh, sure what?
CRAIG: Was that skeleton actually alive or…
TWEEK: Oh that? Nah, it was just a dummy skeleton that'd been sitting around in my basement for a while now, me and Wendy decided to use it to scare Clyde shitless.
CRAIG: Dude, you think you went a bit too overboard with that.
TWEEK: Uh, maybe a little… Oh god, I feel so bad for him right now. What was I thinking with that?
CRAIG: Just leave him, dude. He'll get over himself eventually. I mean like there's no way that skeleton was really the remains of this Jack guy that had been buried for god knows how long, and do you really think it could be still alive, even now?
TWEEK: Who Jack the Ripper or the other one?
CRAIG: The other Jack that fucked with the devil, my dad explained it to me last night so we're all good for now.
TWEEK: Well I just hope you're right, scary things can happen at night.
CRAIG: Oh yeah, another thing; how can that skeleton start floating like that?
TWEEK: Well, there was that game the girls used to play called… [beat] Eh forget it, let's go to class. [they both leave the hallway]
CRAIG: Yeah, good idea.
[end of story]