Prompt #55: "You're family."
Christmas As I Knew It
~oOo~
He couldn't actually remember his first Christmas. He has seen photos of it, of his no more than two-years-old body using festive Christmas pajamas with a mini Christmas tree in the background.
It became a tradition then, using matching Christmas pajamas. The following years, they added a couple more traditions to their collection, like eating Chinese takeout (because the only time his mom tried to cook a turkey she forgot to set the timer and the bird came out burnt to a crisp, and they laughed so hard and had to make a last-minute call to the Chinese restaurant down the street). They also made cookies from scratch, that one had taken two years and lots of batches to come up with the perfect recipe, which now they mastered.
What he remembered the most was his mom and him snuggling on the couch watching Christmas movies until they fell asleep. He loved to spend that time with her. And even though he now was too old to freely accept public affection from his mom, his twelve-year-old mind could absolutely accept it in the comfort of their home during the holidays.
That's how it was for a lot of years, just the two of them, Team Benson.
What Noah wasn't counting on was the return of Detective Elliot Stabler to his mother's life. It was quite confusing to him that this man had been one of his mom's best friends and not one volunteered mention of him had been made in the last 11 years.
He remembers seeing him from a distance, a somber look on his face, talking to his mom when they were supposed to be spending time together, sledding in the park. He was quick to get his mom's attention, not bothering to introduce himself to the man next to her, assuming he was someone from work.
But then he heard his mother cry that same night when she thought he was already asleep. He couldn't help but associate the two events.
Through the next months, he heard Uncle Fin and Aunt Amanda whispering around the squad room when he came over. His mom became more silent, reflective. He asked her about it, and she said not to worry.
He found a picture of his mother and her former partner when they were moving. After one more late-night incident. He heard Detective Stabler calling for his mom outside but didn't go out of the room. When he asked about the picture, she told a little about him, how they worked together for 12 years. How he left. About his five kids. And Noah thought it was funny to see his mom talking about those kids with a voice normally reserved for him. It was clear she had missed more than just her partner. And Noah started not liking the detective a lot.
It wasn't until Mother's Day they had been properly introduced. Middle of the street meeting with the man mesmerized by his mom saying she looked good. His mom was blushing, he didn't even know her face could do that. And then her phone rang and she was running off to work again. That didn't help his opinion of the man, since he was one of the people making his mom work on Mother's Day.
He found his half-brother and got so excited about it. He could see his mom was worried but he really wanted to meet Connor. And he said the wrong thing. He knew how it must have sounded to his mother, but he didn't know how to make it up to her.
He was trying to approach the subject when his mom suddenly stopped in the middle of the street and all hell broke loose. All he could think about was his mom getting beat up on the street and desperately trying to keep him safe. She could die, and would die thinking he didn't see her as his real family. That was so stupid. He'd been terrified, screaming for her. The nausea took over his body and he felt frozen in that lobby watching his mom being kicked.
When it was all over, she shipped him off to Connor's, with a shiner taking a lot of her face, making him feel even worse. And when he was finally allowed to come back home, he excitedly opened the door of the McCann's house to come face to face with Detective Stabler.
"Where's my mom?" was the only thing he said to him.
The older man tried to start a conversation, asking things about him and his mom. Told him about his five kids, and then Noah pretended to fall asleep, not feeling like talking. When they got home, he barely waited for the car to stop before he jumped out of it and ran to his mother's arms. She was waiting for them in the lobby. Noah expected her to thank Detective Stabler and the two of them would go up and spend time together. But she invited him in.
Noah knew it was childish, but he took a lot longer to fall asleep just to keep her in his room. Still, he heard the faint voices of them talking in the kitchen, but couldn't make out the words because this apartment's walls were a lot thicker than the last one's. But he figured if his mom sent the man to get him, she must trust him a lot. Still, he had mixed feelings about it.
It was months before he heard from him again, his mother going to Ohio for an investigation. And she got hurt again! And no one bothered to tell him! He only found out when he got home and his mom wasn't expecting him with open arms at the door. She was awkwardly lying down on her side on the couch. He got so mad. Stabler was supposed to protect her.
She told him Elliot was going away for a while. He couldn't help but notice the compass necklace, it was new. It sat proudly on her chest and she never took it off. She was always playing with it absentmindedly.
He got used to always seeing it around her neck. She was also smiling more. He heard her laughter in her room at night. He'd caught her staring at her phone with a soft smile on her face. He heard her giggle. That was new.
One Saturday, they were walking in Central Park when a blond woman and a tall kinda awkward brunette guy approached them. Kathleen and Eli, they introduced themselves. He frowned when he realized they were joining them on their walk. He never had to share his mom's attention and suddenly she was treating Detective Stabler's kids with a care she usually only reserved to him. He didn't know how to feel about that. He figured it was how his mom felt about the McCann's and it gave him a new understanding of the situation.
Kathleen, or Katie, had been all too excited to meet him, like she waited a long time. She was funny and kind, Noah liked her, he guessed. When she told him she was a Swiftie, she won him over. They became quick friends.
Eli was another matter entirely. Noah didn't like how suspicious Eli looked of his mom. Call it protective instinct. He looked like he wanted to love his mom, but was cautious of something. They bonded over videogames and Noah figured he wasn't that bad. However, Katie was still nicer. It wasn't long until they were playing online along with Connor and Uncle Finn.
Meeting Bernie, a couple of weeks later, was completely different. He loved her, right away. She asked him to call her Grandma, and gave him a hug so warm, he felt like he was hugging a fluffy blanket. He was happy to have a grandmother now, since his last one tried to kidnap him and take him to a forest cabin.
Detective Stabler returned home right after Thanksgiving. A week later his mom got dressed up to go on a date with him. He sat on her bed while she finished her makeup, telling her she looked beautiful. Thank you, honey. She had said as if she needed to hear the compliment. That was the thing about his mom, she always looked nice, but she also always tried to get the attention away from her. That night she wasn't though, she was wearing a really nice red dress, another change in her habits. Noah waited until she got home before falling asleep.
After that, he was a constant presence in their house.
His mother's smile seemed to be stuck permanently on her face. He caught them kissing more than once. WEW. They were always touching in some way. It was disgusting. They were old, seriously. One day he woke up to him standing in the kitchen making pancakes.
"Hey, Noah. You like chocolate chips?" He looked like he lived there.
"Sure," Noah responded.
"How is dancing going?" Even though he wanted to give the cold shoulder, he was always happy to talk about dance.
"It's great. We are doing Nutcracker right before Christmas. I got the leading part," Noah said animatedly.
"That's so cool. I'm sure you'll be great." His interest seemed genuine.
"Elliot?" he asked.
"Yes?" Elliot turned the burner off to give him his full attention.
"You are my mother's boyfriend, right?"
"Yes, I am, Noah," he said seriously.
"You love her?" he timidly asked.
"Very much," Elliot solemnly said.
"Don't hurt her, she deserves to be happy." Noah added, "If you do, I don't think we can be friends."
"I promise you that I only want to make her happy, to make both of you happy. I hope you give me the chance to prove it to you." Noah nodded and Elliot went back to the pancakes.
"Elliot?" He looked up. "I hope you can come see me dancing," Noah said timidly.
Elliot beamed at that, knowing that Noah was finally extending a white flag. "I'd be honored to. Maybe Mom and Katie can come too, do you mind?"
"That would be great, I just have to know how many tickets to get."
"I'll talk to them and get back to you," he said. Noah smiled.
"What did I miss?" His mom said, finally entering the kitchen, still in her pajamas and hair pulled up. Her now ever-present smile still on her face. She gave him a kiss on the head and went straight to Elliot, to give him a kiss. Elliot didn't seem to mind the audience, since he deepened the kiss, his mom smiled into it, they seemed like a Hallmark Card.
"Hey, get a room, I don't have to watch that!" he protested, but the truth was he was happy to see his mom this happy.
~oOo~
"Noah, please, it will be so much fun. I'm sure you'll have a blast," his mom pleaded with him.
"But what about our traditions?" He pouted.
"I'm sure we can mix our traditions with theirs. Sweetheart, we'll figure it out." She side-hugged him.
Noah thought for a while. "Maybe we could get matching pajamas for everyone," he said animatedly. Olivia grimaced, thinking about how many people there were, but conceded since it was the first time Noah showed any interest in the family Christmas.
"Sure, sweet boy. We can make that happen," she said, smiling at him.
~oOo~
Christmas Eve day had started as it usually did. They had breakfast together, then got everything they needed to bring to the Stabler's House. Noah had his recital the week before, and the whole Stabler Clan had showed up; he never had so many people cheering for him. Before, he had to make an effort to locate his mom and this time he could easily locate the row full of Stablers clapping and waving to him. He felt elated. El had even brought him a daisies bouquet, his favorite. He felt as if he was a famous dancer. They all went out for pizza that night.
Dickie and Lizzie had been a blast, they were always fighting about something and Noah found it really funny. Dickie had promptly said "Finally! We're even now!" and Noah got confused until he realized the oldest Stabler son was talking about the number of daughters/sons. He found it weird, he clearly wasn't El's son. But he got treated as a little brother. It was nice. He and Connor were trying, but it was hard living in different cities. Maureen also treated him as a little brother and he even heard her say "I'm so happy you got to be a mother, Liv. I always thought you would be a great one" to his mother. Of course, she is a great mother; the best.
El made his best to include him in everything. He told him about the places he visited whilst he lived in Italy. Noah found it quite cool. He had warmed up to his mom's boyfriend. He treated him really well, made him laugh a lot, and made sure to be present for important stuff. Just at the beginning of the month, he had caught a cold, and his mom was at work. El made him soup, took care of him, and even sat with him to watch Funny Girl. He told El about the bullying he had been suffering at school and he went there with his mom to talk to the principal. He figured it was probably how having a father should be like.
Still, the Stablers had different traditions. They were cooking, and talking (they were loud). His mom was never really out of El's reach. Or she was in a deep conversation with one of the girls. Eli and Dickie were playing video games. This time of the afternoon they should be already making cookies, but it had seemed to skip his mom's mind. He sat on the couch not really paying attention to the TV.
"Hey, Fred Astaire," Lizzie joked, calling him by the name of a really famous dancer. "Why so blue? It's Christmas!" she said animatedly.
"It's nothing really. I'm being silly," he said, still bummed.
"Come on, little bro, you have to tell me, it is on the siblings' code," she said.
"You guys do know I'm not really your brother, right?" he asked cautiously. Lizzie gave him a full laugh at that.
"Yeah, Noh, we do know we are not blood-related, but to us, you are our little brother. You know, when we were kids, your mom used to do all kinds of stuff with us, and on Christmas, she took the shifts so our dad could spend the day with us, and I can even tell you how great the gifts she gave us were!" She smiled at him, rubbing her hand up and down his back. "She has always been like a third parent to us, and we know she waited for you for so long, she was meant to be a mother. And honestly, Noah, we were always meant to witness it, I'm sorry it took us this long to get here."
Noah looked down at his hands and decided to open up. "I really like it here, and I like all of you, but so much is changing. It's always been the two of us, and I'm scared to get used to being here and you guys decide to leave. People are always leaving us!" He sounded sad at that.
"Noh, we're not going anywhere. My dad is pretty much stuck to your mom's side," she joked. Noah frowned at the remark. "Is that what this is about? You don't like my dad dating your mom?"
"I like El, I know he loves my mom, but he has you guys already, all five of you. What if he doesn't want a sixth kid? What if he doesn't want me? What if he leaves my mom because of it?"
Shit, this kid is pretty far gone in his head, Lizzie thought.
"I know for a fact that my dad loves you, and loves you just like he loves us, you're already one of his kids in his mind and heart." She then added, "It's funny, I think he is worried you wouldn't want him to be your dad." The kid looked startled at that.
"But I do, I really do, Liz. I guess I'm just scared. I wasn't the nicest when he first came around," he confided.
"Well, that's normal, you were protecting your mom, no one can fault you for that. He knows you had her interests at heart." She paused. "Is that why you are so bummed?"
He was about to tell her about the cookies when he heard his mother's voice ring right behind them, getting closer to the couch.
"Hey, sweet boy, time to make cookies." He felt a warmth grow within him and beamed at his mom. "Sorry I got distracted, I'm all yours now," she said, leading the way to the kitchen. He got up from the couch ready to follow her.
"Where you going, Livie?" asked Seamus, who was completely enamored with his grampa's girlfriend. Kieran perked up, also curious about where the older woman was going.
"Noah and I are going to make cookies, it's our tradition," she said kindly.
"Oh." The little boy seemed interested in participating, but Olivia was worried about inviting them along and upsetting Noah. However, she didn't have to worry, her sweet boy invited them along.
"Come with us, we make the best cookies! I can teach you!" The two young boys jumped up at the opportunity and soon they could hear the older Stablers asking if they also could join in the fun and learn how to make the Christmas cookies.
Then he heard El's voice saying out loud to all of them, "Noah and Liv brought a really nice gift for us and invited us to participate in their tradition. We are all matching pajamas."
All of them seemed really happy about it, and Noah felt relieved. He thought they'd find it silly. They all agreed to change right after the cookies, realizing that by the size of the kitchen and the amount of people, a mess was about to be made.
He turned back to his mother and Lizzie caught his attention again. "And Noah, it's not only your mother we love, it's you too. Get used to it, kid. You are family, you are stuck with us." She smiled, also getting up and rushing to the kitchen. He stayed behind for a couple of seconds.
Hearing the loud noise coming from a bowl falling in the kitchen, everyone talking at the same time, Lizzie and Dickie bickering and Grandma telling them to shut up, he smiled to himself.
Well, he could definitely get used to it.
The author of this SVU - Heart for the Holidays story will be revealed in January