The great ape's nostrils flared like the great sun ablazing. He had never been so heated in all of his life, and the culprit was the creases in his cushion and Diddy looking mad sus.

"I apologise, Big Buddy," said the chimpy chap. "But with all due respect, I was in a sitting mood."

"YOU SINNED!" shrieked DK as he grabbed a barrel and bonked his companion over the head. The barrel slammed the noggin harshly and the red hat went kaboing.

Diddy was awfully ouched, his tongue went out in pain and punched DK in his right pec, boring a hole and stealing several of his lungs.

"Give those back, thieving ache-giver!" screamed DK as he banged the barrel once more.

"Oochie!" yipped Diddy as his single connected eyeball popped out and ran into the corner with its red and blue nerve endings. It opened up a cabinet and started tearing DK's Time Magazines to shreds as if they were but mere confetti.

DK was weeping hard in rage now. He smashed Diddy's cranium in more and more. Alas, each time, another component escaped its recesses and attacked in its own unique way. Even the rightside cochlea wasn't having it with DK's stinky brutality.

On the thirteenth strike, Diddy's brain popped out of his empty eye socket and landed at DK's feet. "Hey man, you are being a vile friend, so stop these shenanigans and get a flippin' life," said the pink one.

DK howled and stepped on the matter. The organic mush crawled up in between his simian toes and then began ascending his very being. DK was getting frightened; the brain was already at his tie and looking up at him with the fires of ire.

Diddy snickered and bounced on his tail. "Now I'm gonna go sit somewhere else, hehe!"

DK yowled like a cowl and pulled out his SMG. It was the fourth generation and made bogus blooper content on the ole yt.

"Bruh, RU4Real?" said the brain telepathically into DK's monkey mind.

DK was very worried about the brain (and climate change). So anyway, he started blasting. He was able to shoot Diddy's dastardly tail off and this prevented any more hopeful hops.

"Talk about a grand debutt…" mused Diddy as he scooped chocky-vanilla into a nearby cone. It was a traffic cone, but Diddy had strong teeth.

DK scoffed. "Did you forget I knocked out all your teeths, idiot man?"

Diddy shook his head with menacing fervency. "I still have my ace in the hole up my sleeve and worn across my chest, beating the devil went down to Georgia with a big iron on his hip." He then opened wide and gave DK's orbs a wild ride. "See? I have one more tooth available. It is my wisdom tooth and it allows me to see into the future and digest dairy."

DK was stumped. He grabbed an axe and cut off his leg. He then baked the leg at 100 degrees with some banana toppings for good measure. He then went down to his local Gamestop to turn in his leg, but they only gave him 2 bucks in store credit. The burly ape was so mad at gamer society that he punched some rando on the street who was selling pipe-cleaning equipment.

"Naturally, I got the best pipes," said DK as he sat down in the sullied cushion and thought deeply about the brain still trying to strangle him. He knew the pink goofball was just trying to sneak his way into the will. "I shan't even give you a single bit of my banana hoarde!"

"Tilde…" cursed the brain. "Also, you spelt 'hoard' wrong."

DK was not just ashamed of his grammar, but also of his gramma. She was a rebel without a cause and was a big fan of the Diehard franchise.

"So, you ready to end this or will you just continue to weep about this defiled seat?" murmured the brain sweetly into DK's ear.

DK was so averagely finished with all the taunting and other maniacal hoo-hah. With his luckiest fist, he seized the haphazard organ and squeezed it until it spurted.

"Ooh! That's gotta hurt, Big Buddy!" cackled Diddy like an absolute nimrod.

DK glanced at the eyeless one and then looked down at the pink stain upon his palm. "I destroy chaos and bring order to Kongo Bongo. That is the power of the Kong!"

FIN

AND JAK

AND DAXTER