Disclaimer: JK Rowling owns Harry Potter. This author knows Lily is not a good person here, she hopes you know she is not a good person here, this story is not condoning bad behavior, just exploring it, if you are uncomfortable you can always stop reading, I won't mind :) Art work by the super talented windbyfire (insta)

Alone With You ~ Ashlee

7th Year

"Evans, what the fuck happened?" It was the last Thursday night at Hogwarts before everyone left for winter holiday, and James had just walked into their bathroom to find Lily healing a black eye in front of the mirror.

He knew it was bad when she actually looked frightened by the fact that he'd seen it. "It's nothing—"

"That's not nothing, look at me," James insisted as he walked up to her and tilted her chin his way. Her entire left eye was nearly swollen shut, purplish bruising spreading outwards like a drop of paint in water. It looked painful beyond belief.

She pulled back, shielding her face from view with a curtain of auburn hair. "Relax, Potter. It looks worse than it is."

"Bullshit, what happened?"

Lily uncapped a thick potion on the counter and gingerly began working it around her eye. "I told you, I'm fine."

"Like hell you are. Did someone do this to you?" James swore he was starting to see red as he thought of the possibilities. Was it Nott, who had a history of violence? Or Avery, who liked to hex squirrels in the courtyards for fun? Some other random coward who would dare strike a woman? Who? Who?

"Please," she said again in a whisper so very unlike her usual tone. It made her seem small in a way she never had before. "Let it go."

James would be doing no such thing — not over something so important. "Holy shit, it was one of the guys wasn't it? Who? Who did this to you, Lily?" he pressed.

She crossed her arms over her chest as she turned to him, alerting James to the fact that she was trying to make herself feel more powerful. It was crazy how he was learning all her physical cues since she told him so little verbally. "Why? So you'll hurt them back with a 'prank'?"

Yeah, maybe. "Lily," he tried more gently. "It doesn't have to be like this. I don't know what you're involved in, but whatever it is, I can help." She was looking at him, and for one wonderful moment, James thought that he was getting through to her. How many times had he offered her help before? Once? A billion? James felt as though he'd been screaming it in his head for months, trying to give her an out from this life she'd been leading, but maybe she just needed to hear it from his lips, one more time, for the message to finally sink in. "You don't have to live in fear—"

"I don't."

And there went all that fresh hope. "Then what's this?" James cupped her face tenderly, avoiding the swelling.

Lily didn't pull away nor lean in. "It was an accident. Hazard of the job," she deadpanned.

James let out a humorless laugh. "Do you hear yourself?" he asked as she turned back to the mirror and resumed her healing. "I'm serious. We can protect you. Dumbledore can—"

"If I'm on my side or your side, the end result is all the same. At least this way I have a fighting chance," she mumbled under her breath.

How could she say that? How could she even think that? "No, it won't be the same! No one will hurt you on our side."

"That's not true."

He wanted to rip his hair out. "Of course it is!"

She chuckled as if reminiscing on a really good, really dark inside joke. "Your side already has hurt me, remember? McLaggen?" How could James ever forget about the Gryffindor git paralyzing her bottom half in the halls when her back had been turned? "Besides, you're saying Sirius would just believe it if I gave everything up? Drop everything to welcome me with open arms? No one would believe I was suddenly…" she trailed off, looking for the right words, "like you."

James knew Sirius would never in a million years believe a word that Evans said. There was too much bad blood there, and Lily was far too close to his cousin for Sirius to find her trustworthy. "Well, some people will take longer than others to convince, but everyone will come around. We'll protect you." He reached for her, needing her to understand this. "I'll protect you."

Lily let his hand linger on her shoulder for a second before she straightened herself back up and shrugged him off. "The only person who I let protect me is myself, James."

Her rejection stung, but James powered through. "It's okay to ask for backup," he said quietly, hoping his words' importance shone through. "It's okay to not do everything alone. Let me help you."

"You don't even know what you're protecting me from, Potter," she muttered, casting another spell on herself. "It's not all as simple as you think. Besides, I actually have it all under control." James couldn't help it: he snorted. Her face wasn't really in agreement with her words. She shot him an annoyed look. "You have no idea what he's capable of."

"Who? What who's capable of?"

"Never mind."

"Tell me!" James begged, starting to lose it. He hated seeing her in pain, hated seeing someone so big be turned into something so fragile by fear, despite what she claimed to the contrary. "I have no idea because you won't tell me! You don't tell me shit. I literally don't know anything about you even though I'm—!" Holy shit, he thought as he cut himself off. He'd nearly just yelled at her that he was in love with her. James cursed as he pushed up his glasses to pinch the bridge of his nose, beginning to pace. "I just don't wanna keep seeing you get hurt," he admitted quietly.

The clock ticked, punctuating the silence as Lily continued her work. Did she feel his ache? Did she know that her pain was hurting him too? "Then don't look."

James walked out of the bathroom, both enraged and defeated.

"Good work on this party, mates," Sirius announced, clapping both James and Remus on the back the next night at the winter formal. James and Rita had been announced as the hottest people in school in the Hogwarts Harold that morning, and she'd tried to publish a photo of him with the article. James had never been prouder of his likeliness because no one had any idea what the photo even looked like — his photo-version refused to come out into frame. Even his image knew that the whole popularity contest had been a sham. James much preferred to win his awards through merit and skill rather than via someone else's conniving.

At least all that gossip seemed to be blowing over now that they were at the dance and James was so happy that Sirius (the bloke who obviously should have won) had finally stopped teasing him and was talking about literally anything else. All day he'd pulled out chairs for James or parted crowds saying, "Attention, Hogwarts' hottest bachelor coming through! Make way for hotness!"

James had hexed him after an hour. (Yet he was endlessly grateful that his best friend had never been the jealous type and was smart enough to know exactly what Rita had done.)

"Trust us, it was a real headache to orchestrate," Remus grumbled, grabbing a couple flutes of champagne for them as a tray floated by.

"Well, looks smashing."

James had to agree: everyone was dressed to the nines, the decor looked impeccable, and even their magic snow was falling gracefully from the heavens, making some of the younger kids look up in wonder.

Two seconds later, he felt like one of those kids when he saw Lily walking down the grand staircase, the only Slytherin who currently lived on an upper floor. She looked positively breathtaking. James already knew that she'd glamored away her black eye from class today, but she'd also done her makeup in a far more fresh, less heavy fashion tonight, instead opting for silver hues that matched her dress and made her look as angelic as the snow falling all around her. Her hair was styled in a swoop over one shoulder and suddenly James wanted to do nothing more than run his fingers through it, maybe hold her tight before dipping her to the floor for a big dramatic kiss, their audience be damned. She was a fucking dream, and James couldn't stop staring as she made her way down the steps.

Remus coughed and bumped into him, handing him a glass.

"Thanks," he mumbled, distracting himself with the champagne and downing it all in one go.

"Nice, let's get this party started!" Sirius declared. James knew he'd need his friends' help to have fun tonight more than ever — especially when Avery walked over to where Lily stood, and offered her his arm.

"Get in here," James demanded as he dragged Lily through the entrance to their suite and cast a silencing spell before he pushed her up against the back of the portrait, attacking her with his kisses.

He felt the way her throat bobbed as she snickered, her soft skin and thudding jugular getting roughly nipped at by his impatient teeth. She'd looked so damn good all night, and he'd been going crazy not being able to pull her aside and steal a simple kiss, place a gentle hand on her back as she stood in line for a drink, or be the one she could grind her hips against as she danced. The winter formal had been one long drawn-out tease, and the worst part about it was that he was going home tomorrow and wouldn't get to see her for weeks.

He'd never looked forward to Christmas less.

"James, we're in our own dorm; who do you think can hear us?" she laughed, her fingers tugging his tie loose before she worked on his shirt buttons.

"Maybe the house-elves."

Lily giggled harder. "Well, the place is now secure. You might as well give me your worst."

Yes, ma'am. Lily gasped when James pulled back, only to spin her around and slam her front back into the door. He pushed the stray hairs that had escaped her hairdo over her right shoulder so he could continue to suck a hickey under her left ear before racking his hands up her sides, landing on her breasts and squeezing them tight. "Fuck," she whined, before regaining some composure. "Right," she stuck her ass out, making sure to grind into James' erection so that he was suffering too, "so glad that poor Skippy won't be hearing your moans."

James hissed, pausing to look down at the beautiful way she was gyrating her bottom against his crotch. He so badly wanted to take her like this. So badly wanted to experience all types and forms of sex with Evans. Her silver dress was bunching up, causing the dangerously high slit on her thigh to ruck up even higher, tempting one of his hands to stray to it and slip inside. Lily sighed when his fingers found her bare skin. "I was thinking more of your screams, Evans. You're always so fucking loud." He puffed out an exhale as he felt her already completely drenched for him, her juices starting to drip down her inner thighs. "Look at you. So fucking ready for me, baby."

Lily sagged her weight backwards into his chest as he began fingering her, reaching behind her and threading her hands in his hair at the nape of his neck. "Aw, don't pivot, love. I like your noises."

James fingers stuttered for only a second with her term of endearment — love, love, love he heard on repeat in his head — but of course she noticed. She noticed everything. It wasn't the first time she'd called him love, but as their relationship progressed and time went on, it was starting to feel like it meant something. At least for him. It was like she'd said before, this wasn't a game anymore. This was real. So if she called him that, she had to know how he'd take it.

"Look at you," she cooed, her hands dropping down to his shoulders behind her. "Reading into everything I do." She would never miss an opportunity to call him out.

"I want to fuck you like this," he whispered against the shell of her ear, surprising himself, even if he knew exactly where the desire came from. In their current arrangement, he felt like he only existed for her, for her amusement, her pleasure, her happiness. He wanted to give it all to her, and he would, gladly, lay it all down, risk it all, if it meant that she'd be that much closer to seeing just how much she meant to him. She was everything, and yet still somehow so much more. But he was starting to get desperate to see if she felt even a fraction of the same way back. He needed a sign, as small as it may be, that she liked him too. And for some reason, he'd convinced himself that making a compromise in how they shagged was that sign.

She's never let anyone else fuck her any differently, right? She'd never let anyone else make love to her.

Of course he couldn't say that to her out loud, but he could still argue the point. This section of their common room was dimly lit, but he still felt like he could sense her hesitation as it wafted off of her over her shoulder. He slipped another finger inside of her to elicit a reaction.

Her nails dug into him through his shirt. "Careful," she warned.

"Or what?" he challenged, strumming at her clit with his thumb. His free hand found the zipper she was pressing into his chest and made swift work of it before helping free her from the useless fabric. She should always be naked when it was only the two of them. Any more clothing than that would be a crime. Well, James reasoned, she can keep on her stilettos, just like this…

She turned around and pushed him backwards towards the fireplace. James flinched when her hand hit his skin, exposed where his shirt was flapping open. "Evans, you're freezing!"

"Then warm me up," she sassed, still walking him backwards. He'd transfigured a shag rug in front of the fire a few days earlier, and how many times he'd caught her sinking her toes into it told him just how much she liked it. He'd been wondering when she'd insist on fucking him on it, and he supposed tonight was the night. "Down," she demanded as she pushed his shirt all the way off of him. He obeyed her and looked up at her pleadingly, lying there on the floor for her, making her grin. "You really can't refuse me, can you?"

"Fuck off," he growled.

He watched as her spine straightened with the power of the truth — the raw strength that came from knowing anything she did could make a man crumble to her feet. Her heels elongated her legs beautifully, and from this angle above him, she looked like an Amazonian goddess.

Lily finally bent down to straddle him, his eyes lazily tracking her movements. "Are you really not going to answer my question?" he pushed.

"I wasn't aware you'd asked one." Fuck, he hated loving this bitch. Lily gave him a testing grind over his crotch, absolutely ruining his dress pants with her wetness. She was right of course, he hadn't posed it as a question, merely expressed his desire to fuck her in a different position than the one she wanted. James didn't know why, but he felt a little icky flat-out asking her if they could try a new angle. One, because he realized how Merlindamn lucky he already was to be banging Lily at all (and he was sure she'd agree and say something cheeky like, 'Take it or leave it'), but two, he didn't want to feel like he was pressuring her into anything she didn't want to do. He wasn't that kind of man — and he was proud of that fact. He just sort of wished that she felt comfortable enough with him that he didn't have to ask, because she wanted to do it too. Wanted to do it all with him.

As James' eyelids struggled to stay open, overwhelmed with having her so perfectly placed on his lap, she pushed back a single curl that had escaped to his forehead. "I love the way you look at me," Lily breathed.

He held her gaze, staring into her eyes longer than she'd ever let him before. Here she was completely naked on top of him, but he could finally say that he understood the true prize lay buried behind a sea of emerald. "What are you thinking about?" He had to know. It was killing him. Her lips curled into a smile, but the crinkle didn't reach her eyes. "Please," he begged, his plea barely audible over the crackling of the logs beside them. "Just tell me."

Grabbing both his cheeks, Lily leaned into his mouth achingly slow, lingering before his lips just so she could study him up close before she finally, generously granted him a kiss. It felt different, James thought as he let her kiss him long and deep, as though trying to infuse him with a feeling she could not utter aloud. He thought he understood her, thought he could see that she was at least trying to meet him there in his vulnerability, even though it wasn't nearly as much as James wanted.

And yet, he'd take it.

James moaned as Lily's tongue traced his bottom lip, obliging her and letting her in as she tugged on his belt. "Wait," James whispered, gently touching the side of her face where he knew her bruise was hidden. "You know I'd never hurt you, right?" He had to know she knew at least that much. Sure, their whole relationship currently revolved completely around sex, but he needed her to feel safe with him — at the very least.

She pulled back slightly, her eyes oscillating between his. "You don't know that."

Great. So she didn't. "I do. I promise you: I will do my very best to never, ever hurt you."

Lily looked at his lips, a tiny fissure cracking her otherwise perfectly poised countenance, and James knew he was reaching her. He moaned as she leaned in and kissed him, happy beyond belief that she was letting him in, piece by piece, step by step. If he had to convince her she could trust him for the rest of his life, he would gladly do it.

Lily freed his hard cock from his trousers, clumsily pushing them the rest of the way down with her heels, and gasped as she slipped him inside of her. He met her there with a hiss of his own. He was home. "I've never met anyone like you, baby," he muttered, his fingertips tracing up and down the thighs she had pinned around his hips as she acclimated to the size of him.

She smiled. "And you never will again."

Truer words had never been spoken. Lily began to ride him, easily finding the rhythm James knew she liked best. He tried to take a snapshot in his head, capture this moment in his memory for the sad, lonely weeks that were about to follow at his manor.

"What are you thinking about?" she asked, making him quite aware he'd probably been staring just a tad too hard.

Oh no, you don't get to expect an answer after always denying me mine. Instead, James lifted his hips off the ground, trying to see if the research he'd done was right. His cock shifted deeper inside of Lily, absolutely burying itself in her, and she gasped as her nails dug into his chest. "What the…"

James grinned, his whole face lighting up from the insane pleasure of catching her off guard in ecstasy. "Feels good, doesn't it?" He'd finally found a way to exert some power even while beneath her. Maybe not even power, more like active participation. Of course he'd thrusted up into her before, especially after she'd come and lose focus, but he'd read that just canting his hips skywards would make her see stars. Who says all research has to be boring?

(Yes, he'd done such research instead of finishing his Potions essay.)

"Fuck, do it again," she ordered breathlessly.

"I'll take that as a yes…" James teased as he obeyed her.

Lily's lips parted as she continued to grind herself over him, clearly building up to her orgasm in record time. "Yes, yes, baby, just like that, stay just like that…"

"Like this?" James decided he was going to have fun with this. He slowly lowered his hips back down on the rug, robbing Lily of a few glorious inches of his cock right where she wanted it, and he laughed as her eyes went wide with frustration.

"Potter!"

"Baby," he taunted, running his nails up her thighs again before clutching at her waist. "Relax."

She was livid, achingly close to release and desperate to do so. "I'm going to kill you." She looked like she meant it. "Hips up, now."

"Funny, up until thirty seconds ago, you didn't know we could do this, and now? You already can't live without it," James whispered cockily before lifting his hips back up and relishing in her resulting pretty moan. He took advantage of her distraction and pulled her forward, kissing her with all his might. "Go to town, baby."

And she did. A few minutes later, Lily completely lost it, her cunt squelching obscenely as she came all over him, squeezing him with her walls, thighs and nails against his throat. James couldn't help but come with her, the sight so bloody magnificent and the feeling too great. He was in fucking heaven. "Can you give me another one?" he asked.

She lazily opened her eyes, her chest heaving and her cheeks red from exertion. Sex was definitely exercise for her, even if James hardly had to do anything. "Are you close?"

James really loved that she'd come so hard that she hadn't even noticed what the hell he was doing. That's how he knew his hip trick was legit. "I already came, but I can keep going."

"What?" she asked, half shocked, half impressed. "How?"

"I did my research okay? Just keep going and I can stay hard."

It looked as though she said 'Challenge accepted' in her head as a sly smirk lit up her face. She was extra wet now, and James loved how it sounded as she slowly lifted her body up only to impale herself with him over and over again. Her movements were now bigger than her frenzied grinds, but she slunk her body slower, as if doing everything for his benefit, taking his cock nearly fully out before sliding him back in, making him feel every glorious iota of him and her combining.

"Fuck," he groaned, watching her mesmerized.

Lily grabbed his hand that was currently supporting her tits and dragged it up higher across her chest, placing it around her neck. His brow scrunched, not understanding her meaning, so she squeezed her fingers over his, encouraging him to choke her. What? James knew she'd just lightly choked him as they'd both come, and frankly it had been hot as hell, but she wanted him to do it back to her?

He had no idea she was into that, but he guessed he wasn't really surprised. Does she trust you enough to show you that part of her now?

James gave her a tentative pulse, watching as Lily arched her spine, her eyes rolling back because of his actions. "You can squeeze harder," she whispered, still taking his cock in long, leisurely thrusts.

Sweet fucking Merlin. He really wasn't sure how he'd ever get over this woman. (He knew he never would.) James kept lightly choking her, finding himself getting harder and harder the more she whimpered and gasped and her body got more wild and unrestrained on top of him. She came again in record time, and James pulled her down by the neck, forcing her to kiss him as he swallowed her cries. He physically couldn't come again so quickly, but he was damn proud that she could. "Good job, baby," he cooed, cradling her face before kissing her nose. "Let's go for a hat trick. Turn around."

"What?" she babbled, sweaty and spent, but still looking just as angelic as she had when she'd walked down the steps to the formal. James truly loved that someone who looked so innocent and pure was so wickedly filthy — for him.

"Don't worry, you'll stay on top, just turn around for me, baby."

Lily looked curious as she let him flip her over, propping herself over his thighs before she stilled suddenly and looked over her shoulder back at him. "How'd you learn about this?"

James laughed, smacking the ass that was right in front of him. He was unprepared for how good it looked. "Guys talk, Evans. Relax, it's only ever been you." He loved that she was worried he'd strayed. Jealousy implied a whole lot of caring.

Satisfied with his answer, Lily slowly plunged him back into her, and now James was really convinced he'd died and gone to heaven. All sex with Lily felt amazing, but he couldn't believe he got to experience a different sensation right here on this blessed floor. He switched from holding her heels to her bouncing arse for something to do, craning his neck so he could watch the enthralling sight of his cock disappearing past it again and again. It was beautiful, what they were doing was beautiful, and he refused to have anyone tell him differently.

"Fuck, James, it feels too good," she whined, losing steam as she sat fully down on him and ground her hips, using his cock's friction inside of herself.

"I know, baby, I know. I got you, lean back on me." Against all odds, she did, lying flat against his chest and allowing him to thrust his hips up into her, sheathing himself in her fully as she moaned and her head lolled uselessly against his collarbone. Oh, he was so ready to put in the work. "I'm gonna take care of you," James whispered, massaging one of her breasts while his free hand traveled down to her apex, rubbing on her clit.

She gasped as he felt her cunt pulsing around him wildly.

"That's it, baby, let yourself feel good. Let me take care of you."

She groaned as she moved the hand that had been playing with her nipple back up around her neck, wordlessly asking him to choke her again. So he did. James concentrated with all his might on fucking, rubbing, and turning her head so he could kiss her, loving the way she panted into his mouth, getting closer and closer to coming right alongside him. "James…" she moaned. "Fuck, James, I'm about to—"

"Come," he commanded, his cock hitting a magical spot inside of her, making them both groan. "Come, baby. You're safe."

Lily twitched in his arms, and only when he was sure she'd had the best orgasm yet did he let himself go, feeling his hot come as it traveled from his balls and shot out of his cock and into her, making him reel with pleasure before he fully collapsed onto the rug, loving every ounce of her satisfied weight on top of him.

He wasn't sure if he'd ever climaxed harder in his life. They laid there panting and regaining their breaths, Lily still lying across his chest as James felt his cock slowly deflating before slipping out of her. He wished so badly he could stay hard for the rest of his life just so he could stay there, buried deep inside of her, forever.

Eventually Lily stirred and slowly rolled off of him and onto her stomach in front of the fire, stretching out like a cat. It was funny, because for someone who hadn't liked cuddling in the beginning, she was a fiend for it now, absolutely melting under his caresses as he began to trace her spine. Her eyes were closed, and James wondered if she was halfway gone, already drifting asleep. "That was rather good, Potter," she finally purred.

He snorted. "I know." His fingertips skimmed from her back to her shoulders and down her arms, greedily touching every centimeter of her that she'd let him. Now that she'd started talking, he was excited to continue their little fireside chat. "Why aren't you going home for the holidays?" James had seen her fill out a form to stay in the castle over break and he'd been curious ever since.

She cracked one lid open to look at him, wholly onto his prying. "I don't want to."

Nah, he wasn't gonna let her get away with that. "Don't you miss your parents?" He knew he did. He felt guilty for not being more excited to go home, but it had nothing to do with how much he loved his family and everything to do with how much he was falling for her.

"I don't have any."

"What?" James exclaimed before his dumb brain could catch up with his mouth. What did she mean? Surely James would have known if Lily was a fucking orphan?! … Why? He realized. Why on earth would he know that? He knew nothing about her! "Shit, I'm sorry, I didn't mean—"

"You did mean to pry, don't lie."

"Yeah," James admitted, "but I didn't mean to be so rude." Lily adjusted herself so she could look at him more easily and he rolled onto his side to match her. "I'm sorry. But you still have someone though, right? You have more family?" he asked quietly.

"I do." The way she said it made it clear to James that she wasn't planning on elaborating.

His fingers moved back down, trailing around the swell of her hips, and he watched her goosebumps form as he thought of what else he could say. A log popped loudly in the hearth. "I wish I could take you home to meet my family," he confessed, now fully scared to look back up at her eyes. He knew it was a stupid daydream, and Lily was not someone who you could simply take home with you for the holidays, but he couldn't help the way his heart swelled thinking about it all the same.

Lily captured his wandering wrist and brought it up to her lips, kissing his open palm when he finally looked back at her. "I wish that too."

Shit. As far as opening up went, he felt like this was Lily trying her fucking hardest to and gutting herself in the process. None of this looked like it came naturally to her, and yet she was trying. It meant the world to James. He leaned in to steal a sweet kiss.

"Why are you so nice to me?" she asked quietly as they stayed there, face to face, stuck in each other's gravitational pull.

Huh? What did she mean? "Why wouldn't I be?" he replied gobsmacked. Being kind should be everyone's default, but also, why wouldn't he be nice to the girl he was dating?

"I'm not nice to you."

James smiled. "Yeah. We can work on that." His smile only grew wider when he saw it had spread to her. He decided to really push his luck. "I'm going to miss you this break."

His confession lingered in the air, marinating with the burnt log smell of the fireplace. The moment could have been terrifying, but James found he was no longer afraid — the whole scene was far too cozy to allow it.

Lily rolled back over and kissed his shoulder, now the one unable to look at him. 'Me too,' she mouthed into his skin.

Next Chapter: You're Losing Me