Disclaimer: JK Rowling owns Harry Potter. This author knows Lily is not a good person here, she hopes you know she is not a good person here, this story is not condoning bad behavior, just exploring it, if you are uncomfortable you can always stop reading, I won't mind :) Art work by the super talented windbyfire (insta)

Cinderella's Dead ~ Emeline

7th Year

Weeks went by, and James felt like he was walking on eggshells around Lily. Sure, they were still fucking all over their dorm, but he felt like she hadn't forgotten his distrust of her. Which was a real bummer, because he really wanted to get to know every single layer of her — and that wasn't going to happen if she was refusing to be forthcoming. His small line had made her pull back into her armored shell, putting back up all of her fortified walls and keeping James and his white horse decidedly on the outside, never to be invited back in again.

He didn't want to be just her fuck buddy — he wanted to be more.

"What are all the positions you can do with the girl on top?" James asked his group of friends, seemingly out of the blue, on a fine, crisp December evening.

Sirius' eyes sliced to him as he dropped his fork. "What?"

"I said, what are—"

"No, I heard you. I'm asking why you're asking?"

James huffed, staring pointedly down at his potatoes. "You ask random shit all the time."

"Yeah, but you don't."

"Is being curious a crime now?"

"No," Sirius chuckled. "It's just a funny question when you don't have a girlfriend. What? Are your wanking fantasies getting stale?"

James rolled his eyes, wishing for the thousandth time this month that he could scream from the rooftops that he was shagging Lily Evans, and that it was most definitely, without a doubt, never to be topped anywhere in the future, the best sex anyone in the world would ever have. James reached for his pumpkin juice when he noticed Remus' eyes still trained on him, looking far too knowing for James' comfort. "When I start having sex, I just want to know what I'm doing, is all." There. A deprecating self-own. Sirius wouldn't question that.

"Let's see. Well, obviously you have standard cowgirl." He patted James' shoulder in a brotherly fashion. "Where you're lying down and she's riding you." Check, James thought. "Course you can do the same thing with the dude sitting upright. It's practically the same position, but I hear the angle changes things quite a lot for the bird." Doublecheck. "Then you have reverse cowgirl, and let's see—"

"What?" James interjected avidly.

Sirius looked at him confused. "Reverse cowgirl…? What word is not making sense here?"

"She just faces the other way?"

"Well, yeah. As long as your cock can reach her, you two can fuck any which way you want, right?"

James felt like his mind had just been blown. Of course Lily could just face the other direction during their shags. To put it in the crudest of terms: she had a hole, and he had a stick to plug it with. Why on earth had he not thought of that? Sure, he loved watching her face as she came, but if he was worried that she was going to get bored of him and his cock any day now, why wouldn't he simply give her a new view while she got her rocks off on him? Sure, he couldn't see the appeal of staring at his pasty, hairy legs while she did all the work — but who was he to judge what she could possibly like? Perhaps simply the lack of what she'd probably refer to as 'his stupid face' would be enough to enhance her pleasure. This seemed like the easiest solution ever. It was far easier than examining just why he was suddenly so scared he was at risk of losing her interest. That would take reckoning with his feelings of inadequacy that arose every time she talked and flirted in public with her housemates while still completely ignoring him. It was like James only existed behind closed doors, and even then, it wasn't like they were doing a whole lot of talking. Growing tired of him seemed inevitable unless he kept it fresh. "What else?"

Sirius shook his hair out of his eyes, getting into being the voice of expertise. "I guess a girl is on top if you pick her up? I mean unless she's really tiny. But if you pick her up and fuck her against a wall, her head is slightly higher above yours." He pondered this. "I think. Shit, I guess it's not normally something I'm taking notes on."

James didn't know if Lily would go for that, but it was worth a shot. "Cool."

"Okay… But now you gotta tell us why you asked," Sirius insisted.

James stuffed his fork in his mouth, still refusing to look up at Remus. "I dunno," he responded thickly. "I heard a couple girls saying on top felt better after a prefects meeting and I was trying to figure out what they meant."

"Shit, really?" Sirius asked, mulling this completely false yet somehow still true information over. "I've always preferred doggy."

James choked as he laughed. Of course he does.

"Oh, you guys hear about Rita's thing?" Peter interjected. James knew prolonged mentions of sex made him uncomfortable and he'd never been more grateful of this fact. Sirius was easily distracted, but he wasn't dumb. Any more prodding and surely James' pathetic facade of an excuse would have evaporated like the smokescreen it was.

"Skeeter?" James asked before taking a swig of juice. "That girl has been a real pain in the ass during prefects meetings lately. Keeps getting into fights with everyone." He couldn't understand how the 5th year Ravenclaw didn't seem to comprehend that if she made the place toxic that, no shit, people would stop wanting to interact with her.

"What she do now?" Remus asked.

"You know how she runs the Hogwarts Harold?" James did. That gossip rag had also caused him nothing but strife since Rita had started publishing it. While it had began pretending to be an impartial source of school news, in no time the articles' tones had gotten nastier and nastier when Rita noticed that more drama translated into extra readers. That's when Rita had truly leaned into being a bully, cutting down her peers left and right. James noticed she only had the gall to do so on paper though. In person, Rita still maintained a sickly sweet persona, all wide eyes and bouncing blonde curls when people would confront her about the lies she was spreading about them via print. At this point, James wasn't sure which version was the real her: what she wrote in private, or what she spewed in public. Did she feel like the school paper gave her creative license to embellish and dramatize, or were those her true colors bleeding out onto the page? After the tenth article to make another girl cry, James had to reckon that this woman had an unkind soul. After all, who got off on trashing other people and ruining their reputations like that?

"Yeah, hard to forget with how it drove Linda outta town."

James knew what Sirius was referring to. The first month of school, Rita had printed a rumor that Linda Tompkins, one of Sirius' former hookups, had had an affair with an older, married man over the summer. It was salacious enough scoop that it had spread like wildfire, with everyone talking about it over breakfast and lunch, and by the time dinner rolled around, the rumor had morphed so that the married man was actually the father of one of her classmates and that Linda was already pregnant with her first child — her classmate's half-sibling.

James thought the most egregious part of the whole scheme was when Rita had then used the lies' attention to promote her own work even more. 'If you want to support me and keep getting updates on this story as it develops, make sure to continue reading my work! After all… I'm not the one sleeping with married men ;)'

Linda had transferred to Beauxbatons the next week. And when it had come out that Rita had made the whole thing up (garnering her her most highly read paper yet), she'd merely been given a slap on the wrist and asked to write the world's tiniest redaction at the bottom of her next paper. 'Whoopsies! My mistake! I completely lied about everything at someone else's expense for viewership!'

Linda had never come back.

"Well, she's running a popularity contest now," Peter squeaked, looking almost excited.

"What?" James and Sirius exclaimed in unison.

"Yeah! The school gets to vote for the hottest witch and wizard."

"That sounds like a monumentally bad idea."

James was with Remus on this one. He really didn't think he could stomach seeing witches crying at every corner of the castle as they inevitably found out that they weren't ranked the prettiest in school. "Why would she do that?"

Sirius spread his hands out wide in front of his face, outlining an imaginary banner. "Entropy."

"Fuck." James took another bite out of his supper. "Okay. Well we have a meeting tonight. I'll see if I can talk some sense into her."

Sirius snorted. "Good luck."

"Rita, can you hold back for a moment?" James asked that night as their prefects meeting came to a close. It had been an especially rough hour as multiple prefects had raised concerns about rising anti-Muggle-born sentiments spreading in the halls resulting in more and more scuffles. James had hated how tightlipped Evans had remained during the discussion as he and Remus had scrambled for pragmatic solutions to try to lessen all the chaos. At multiple points in the meeting, James had actually caught Lily looking out the window as if bored. What?! Did she really have nothing to contribute? James truly hated any proof of her less than positive beliefs on issues of blood status. Fine, we're both Purebloods, and we're both privileged as shit, but does she really think she can just sit there? Does she really not see how not doing anything is actually helping the bad guys? James had to check himself: she was one of them. No matter how much he liked her, and no matter how much he felt like she was a good person, she might still not be.

Please be trying to be a good person, he begged in his head.

Right. But now he had to deal with Rita. About a fucking popularity contest. The whole thing seemed so mind-numbingly trivial given recent events, but this was his bloody job so he was going to try his best to do it. Speaking to Rita was merely the last conversation he wanted to be having when his brain was already spinning with thoughts of Lily.

"Of course, James," Rita simpered. "What do you need?"

James noticed her acrylic nails and briefly wondered how she opened ink bottles with them. Surely those things were impractical? "So I heard you're running a school-wide popularity contest—"

"Hotness contest," Rita interrupted.

James' eyes narrowed. She saw how that was actually worse, right? "Right. Hotness contest." He ran a hand through his hair as he perched himself against the large oak table everyone had just vacated. There were still a few prefects straggling about, and of course he knew that Lily was still very much behind him at the head of the table. He would never not be aware whenever she was in a room. "I've already heard some backlash about it."

"Oh?" Rita asked innocently, flapping her large, fake lashes.

He didn't believe her for a second — not this many weeks into the year. "Yes. Some people are wondering why we can't do a contest for something a bit more meaningful? Maybe best dueler, or best flyer—?"

Rita giggled, a terrible, grating sound, and James blinked at her blankly. "James, everyone already knows you're the best flyer. Might be the best dueler too."

What? James shook his head. Damn, this girl was good. Was she trying to ingratiate herself with him to get him to drop it? "Uh…" Behind him, it sounded like someone had just dropped a rather heavy book.

Rita flipped her curls over her shoulder. "Don't worry," she continued. "Your odds are looking pretty good for this vote too."

What the fuck did she mean by that? James felt his cheeks reddening in embarrassment. Sure, he knew he was attractive, but he wasn't a friggin' model. "It's not the guys' vote I'm worried about, Sirius is a shoo-in—"

"Not necessarily," Rita replied with a wink.

Again: what?! Yes he was.

"Um, Rita?" shy Hufflepuff Rebecca cut in, saving James' ass. Rita barely acknowledged the mousy girl, still quite aggressively trying to maintain eye contact with James. Rebecca continued undeterred, "About the Hogwarts Harold vote: can we vote anonymously?"

James shook his head, completely stumped. Sensitive girls like Levine were exactly whom he'd been worried about when thinking about all the reasons why this competition was such a colossally terrible decision. Why on earth did she seem so gung-ho to participate?

As confused as James was, Rita seemed incensed by the interruption. She still hadn't turned to look at Rebecca in the slightest. "No, you may not," she gritted out through a forced smile. "If you aren't doing anything wrong, you have nothing to be embarrassed about."

"Oh. Okay," Rebecca whispered, and James could have sworn her eyes flitted to him before she fled the room. Wait, did she want to vote for me?! James shook his head, dispelling the arrogant thought. He didn't even really know the girl.

"See?" Rita said, shaking her shoulders as though she'd just done away with a pesky beetle that had been buzzing around them. "I'm giving the people what they want!" She picked up her crocodile-skinned purse and pulled out a sheet of paper, offering it to James. A quick scan told him the vote had already been narrowed down to the top ten hottest boys and girls. "I look forward to seeing your selection."

When James made no move to take the voting application, she placed it on the table beside him, snapped her purse shut, and strut out of the room with her chin held high.

James' spine sagged in defeat with a groan. Why the heck had Dumbledore made him Head Boy? He had no idea how to deal with any of this nefarious, mean girl shit. He wanted to save the world, but he was way out of his depth here. Honestly, if Voldewhatever wants to take over the planet, he just needs to enlist teenage girls. Powerful, terrifying creatures that they are.

"Another admirer, Potter?"

James groaned as he scratched the back of his neck, hoping she wasn't mad. He couldn't believe Lily had just witnessed that mess. Then again… it was sort of nice to have the roles be reversed. If all he saw day in and day out was Lily getting hit on by all the Slytherin boys in existence, maybe it was good for her to see that he was a hot commodity as well. Perhaps she needed to see that just because she didn't believe in fawning over him in public, didn't mean that other girls wouldn't.

Now that Rita wasn't here to get all excited by his actions, James picked up the sheet she'd left and read it over. Sirius Black, James Potter, Evan Rosier… the guys all made sense. James wasn't an idiot, he knew which guys were hot in school. Marlene McKinnon, Julie Yu, Mary Macdonald, Rita Skeeter… Wait. Where the fuck was her name?

The sheet was ripped from his grasp with a summoning charm and James watched as it flew to Evans' awaiting hand. She was leaning back in her chair, her black boots propped up and crossed over the desk. "It makes sense," she said as she skimmed the page. "I was wondering why Skeeter stopped trying to copy everything I did at the beginning of the year. It was all very single white female." She smirked as she looked back up and crumpled the parchment into a ball. "Now I know." She tossed the voting list into the fireplace, and James watched rather impressed by the perfect arch that led it straight to its fiery demise.

"Is that why you pulled out of her contest? You don't like her or something?"

Lily laughed mirthlessly. "Pull out? I didn't." James was spellbound by the way the fire was dancing in her eyes. There was a strong wind tonight, and it howled its way down the chimney, making the flames flicker and jump wildly. "She did owl me this morning and told me I was ineligible for it though."

James couldn't help it: he laughed. "Ineligible for a hotness contest?"

Lily's lips canted. "Yup."

James got up from his spot on the table and walked over to her, turning the chair next to her around so he could straddle it and face her. "How'd she figure?"

"Does she need to figure? She's running the thing; she can ban whomever she likes. She didn't give me a reason," Lily huffed. "It's her rag, and we're all just living in it."

James scrunched his brow, confused. "Okay… but like, that's not how voting works."

Lily's smile twitched, either thinking James was cute or pathetic. "Sometimes I forget that there really are people out there who are as pure and innocent as you."

James bristled at the accusation. There was a huge difference between being righteous versus being naive. "Why don't you call her out on her bullshit then?"

Lily barked out a laugh. "What, and have her publish a story tomorrow about how me asking why I'm banned constitutes as harassment? Or even better yet, have her post an op-ed detailing how me calling her out is actually an attempt to sabotage her whole noble contest, because how dare I ask for fair treatment?" She adjusted her skirt over her thighs, and James couldn't help himself from watching that too. "Potter, there's probably only one person at this school with a worse reputation than that girl here, and it's me. It's not worth it." James wanted to retort, but he guessed it was true. It wasn't like that many people actually liked Lily, even though anyone could see that she was sexy. "Besides, if I say anything, people will think I'm acting out of jealousy—"

"That's preposterous!"

Lily ignored his outburst, but her lip still twitched. "And even if I were on the ballot, she's counting all the votes anyway, so do you honestly think there's any chance that anyone is going to win other than you and her?"

James grimaced. He knew it had sounded like Rita was implying that she'd make sure he won the vote. He kind of hated that Lily had heard their conversation and come to that same conclusion too. He couldn't blame his ego if it was her assessment as well.

Lily snorted. "Knowing her, she'll probably write a story next to the results saying how the two winners are destined and should obviously go on a date to the winter formal, since it's the will of the school that they be together forever."

James propped his arms on the back of the chair and rested his chin on them. "Evans…" he began jokingly, trying to lighten the mood. "You sure you're not jealous?"

She flicked her tongue over her upper lip, annoyed. "Do I have something to be jealous of?"

Good point. "No," James admitted. "You obviously would have won if she'd kept you on the ballot."

She almost looked shy with his words which she obviously wasn't going to acknowledge, but James' heart soared all the same. She liked them. He was going to win Evans' over with his persistent charm and affection — he had to. "If she could just quit trying to copy my style, that would be great." Huh. Now that she mentioned it, Rita had been wearing boots eerily similar to Lily's today. "Although it was awfully satisfying to see her get written up for a dress code violation after class as a result."

James smiled. There was his vindictive little viper. "But you never do?"

The smirk on Lily's face was absolutely devilish. "I don't." Before James could press just why that was, she redirected the conversation back to Rita. "She also didn't even count my nominations, and I sure as shit didn't vote anonymously."

James perked up. What? Was he the only person in this bloody school who hadn't voted for this damn thing? "Who'd you vote for?" Suddenly James was very interested in this stupid contest. He wanted so badly to be Evans' number one pick.

"Andy Walton and Maddison Chapman."

"Aren't they like… first years?"

"They're two kids who could really use a boost to their egos, but that's not the point—" James kind of thought whenever she showed having redeeming qualities should always be the point, "— the point is I think she's doing all this to see who's loyal out of her posse. You know? All these people have suddenly started kissing her arse to make sure she doesn't write shit about them, so this is her way of seeing if they'll put their money where their mouth is. See if they vote her as Hogwarts' number one hottie." James blanched. He hadn't even thought of that. Of course a Slytherin had. "It's also a brilliant way to see who her competition for you is. After all, what's an easier way to see who has a crush on you than by taking note of who is voting you as hottest wizard? Quite clever really." Lily's eyes trailed off to the fire. "That girl should have been a Slytherin. She wears lime green enough for it."

Again, James knew he was cocky, and sure, he gathered that Rita had the hots for him, but still: this seemed a step too far. "I know you think I'm arrogant, Evans… but never in a million years would I think that a girl was orchestrating a whole-ass school vote to see who wants to date me."

Lily huffed, before slowly uncrossing her feet and plopping them back on the floor one at a time, standing up before him. "Well, then you really don't understand women."

I really, really don't, he thought as he watched her leave the room.

Present Day

"Lily?" James asked hesitantly, rapping his knuckles on her door. It had been days since he'd seen Lily after their last conversation, and honestly, he was starting to get a little worried about her. How on earth could his apartment feel so large when it only had two bedrooms?

How can you feel so worlds apart from someone when all you truly want is to share the same air as them? James kicked himself: he'd never been poetic.

He kicked himself harder when he remembered the owl he'd received last night from Sirius detailing Rebecca's reaction to his breakup note. He'd expected for his ex-girlfriend to be sad — but apparently she'd been pissed. It was a completely valid response of course, but James would be lying if he didn't admit that he was shocked by it. Sure, Sirius liked to overdramatize things, but it was hard to misinterpret the quote: 'Tell him that he just fucked up the greatest thing that ever happened to him and that if he ever comes crawling back to me, I'll blast his bollocks off and use them as a book cover.'

Yikes. It just seemed so out of character for her. James adjusted himself uncomfortably. He supposed Becks being angry instead of heartbroken selfishly made things easier for him. James got under people's skin all the time, but making them cry? That was a true gut punch. Also, it was weirdly comforting to be so thrown by her reaction. James had never seen Rebecca so much as raise her voice in their entire relationship, so hearing this? Hearing that she'd thrown shoes at Sirius until he fled her apartment had made James feel as though he'd never actually known her at all.

Or maybe you drove her to this. James sighed. That was a possibility too. Maybe he was just such a gigantic knob that he'd driven a sweet girl to madness.

All James knew was that he was secretly relieved when a very confused Muggle postman had stumbled to his door — seemingly in awe of its existence whilst still knowing exactly where to find it — with the perfect excuse to reach out to Lily. To James, Lily had never been a distraction, but if she could cast a little sunshine on his otherwise horrible mood now, it would be much appreciated. "I have a letter for you?" the postman had said.

"Thanks?" James had answered just as befuddled.

It had taken everything in James not to tear the envelope wide open when he'd seen it was addressed to Lily Evans — his sworn charge.

Who the fuck knows she's here?! This seemed like a major security breach that he needed to address immediately.

"I received a letter for you," James said.

James' heart sunk up to the soft steps he heard approaching from the other side of her door before she cracked it ajar and looked up at him through the sliver. Whatever original reply she had seemed to die on her tongue with their eye contact. "Hi."

James smiled as she slowly opened her door wider. "Hey."

"A letter?" Lily prompted as their mutual stare became a little too pronounced. It was just hard for James not to focus on anything other than the butterflies he felt swirling like a typhoon in his stomach upon seeing her face once more. Finally.

James stuffed his free hand in his hair as he handed the envelope over. "Yeah. It arrived via Muggle post just now." Lily's brow scrunched as she accepted it before flipping it over and tearing at the seam. James watched as she unfolded the letter and her eyes flew across the page. "What's it say?" he asked curiously.

"It says…" Lily began, her eyes still traveling back and forth at record speed, "it says…"

Was it him, or had her voice just gotten weaker? One of her hands slapping over her mouth confirmed James' fears. "What is it?"

"I had a nephew," Lily whispered, eyes still glued to the letter as though willing it to say something, anything else.

"Had?" James didn't like where this was going. He was trying to piece things together, trying to recall the details about the family she'd just revealed she had during the Order interrogations. She has one sister. A Muggle.

"My sister…" Lily gaped, finally looking back at James. "My sister must have gotten married since I last saw her… she had a child."

"Lily, you're shaking," James interrupted. It wasn't that he didn't find what she was saying of the utmost importance, it was just that her looking like she was about to faint was his number one priority. He grabbed her elbow, hoping to stabilize her.

"She must of had him when she was… he was already… was already eight…"

"Here, come sit," James instructed, hating how choppy and hollow her voice had gotten. He led her backwards to her bed, sitting down on the edge with her. She moved with him as if on autopilot. "What's going on?" he prodded gently.

"My sister."

"Yes?"

"My sister and her family… they're… they're dead."

Next Chapter: Alone With You