He had known from the beginning that the nightmares would come as soon as he set foot in Sachaka again, but he had still been surprised at the direction they took. He had fallen asleep after relying on his ability to banish tiredness magically for far too long, and the images came almost as soon as his eyes slid shut of their own accord. He saw her, of course—she was a constant presence in his nightmares, for of all the sins he had committed since crossing into the Sachakan wasteland for the first time so many years ago, failing to save her was the worst. She was lying down, facing away from him, and he grimaced. The worst of the dreams always started in this way—he would either approach to find her dead or be forced to watch as Dakova violated her repeatedly.

She moved, slowly turning toward him, but her face was indistinct, as if hidden in shadow though the dream world contained no true shadows. Akkarin stepped closer. He knew it was a hopeless cause—no matter how much he stared at her face in his dreams, she would still be dead when he awoke. However, he simply could not help himself. As he moved closer, he frowned when her features did not resolve fully. Had he finally forgotten her after so many years? Surely that had not happened. Perhaps he just needed to concentrate a bit harder.

Akkarin studied her face for a moment, willing himself to remember the details of her appearance so he could let his mind paint it again. Slowly, the features became more pronounced, but the face of the woman lying in front of him was not the one that had haunted his dreams for years. Rather, it was of a dark-haired, dark-eyed woman with pale Kyralian skin and a defiance in her gaze that no Sachakan woman Akkarin had ever met possessed. With a jolt that sent him rushing from the dream world, Akkarin realized he was staring at his novice.

Akkarin's eyes flew open, and he quickly took in his surroundings, noting the rocky mountain landscape. He grimaced. In a way, he supposed it made sense—he was back in Sachaka with Sonea now, so it stood to reason that his mind would place her in his nightmares about Sachaka. Still, he did not like to see her in Aaliyah's place. It felt almost like a betrayal of her memory and it implied other things that he did not care to think about at the moment .

He heard a squawk and stood, glancing around to see the birds circling them. Deciding it would be a good distraction from his thoughts, he walked closer, exerting his will to still the wings of one of the birds. The unfortunate creature fell quickly from the sky into his waiting hands, and he killed it quickly before repeating the procedure with a second bird. After quickly cleaning the birds, he began to roast them. He saw Sonea stepping away out of the corner of his eye, but decided to give her some privacy.

When he finished with the birds, he found her at a small trickle of water, and they ate quickly before checking on their pursuers again. Akkarin had been pleased to sense their presences further away earlier in the day, and as he checked on their positions, he saw that they were barely visible now. Perhaps they had a chance after all. But even if they did not, Akkarin owed it to the Guild and to the small woman sitting next to him to try.

They washed up quickly, and it was harder than Akkarin would ever admit to her to follow her instructions and stop himself from peeking. However, he kept his gaze resolutely on the desolate landscape until she told him it was his turn. He washed up as thoroughly as he could in the small bowl before they continued on their way toward the Ichani. She followed without complaint, and luck was with them that day—Lorlen put on the ring shortly before they reached the Ichani. Akkarin let him see what they were talking about before motioning Sonea away from the area. If he wanted to have a chance of making it back to Kyralia alive, they needed to move quickly. He only hoped it would be quick enough.

As they travelled to the South Pass, Akkarin could not help but think of how similar his journey was to the last one he had taken out of Sachaka. He and Takan had moved more slowly, partly because they were both still weak but also because they had no deadline looming over them. Though Akkarin had feared retribution from Kariko, he also knew that it would take some time for the other Ichani to enact that retribution, so he had a good head start. Now, he doubted they were more than half a day ahead of Parika, and even once they reached the South Pass, there was a good chance they would not be able to slow much in order to reach Imardin before Kariko. Therefore, Akkarin set a punishing pace, grateful for his ability to Heal muscle exhaustion.

He glanced at his companion frequently to see how she was faring. She did not complain despite the fatigue he saw on her gaunt face; in fact, she did everything she could to ease his burden, from insisting on keeping watch part of the night to helping to find water and sheltered places to rest. Though part of him fervently wished he had not put her in so much danger, another part of him was grateful that she had joined him. She made the journey far less lonely and had an optimism that he would found childish from anyone else but which somehow infected him as well, making him believe for the first time in years that he could actually succeed in his plans to keep the Guild safe.

After their first filling meal in almost two weeks, Akkarin felt his exhaustion starting to catch up with him, and he could tell from Sonea's expression that she had seen it, too. She stepped forward, holding out her hands. "Time to sleep then." As he felt her power enter his body, Akkarin felt the now-familiar elation when it merged with his own, as if his body was welcoming this part of her, the only part he knew he could ever have. He felt a sudden urge to confess everything, to let her know just what she meant to him, but he suppressed it. He knew the chances were good that he would die in the next few weeks, and he did not want to start something only to have it end in tragedy. She would be better off not knowing how he felt. Still, he wanted to tell her something, for he could tell even without reading her surface thoughts that she still believed he found her to be the "half-trained, disobedient novice" that he had complained about earlier.

"Sonea."

"Yes?"

"Thank you for coming with me." He heard her short intake of breath, and he noted a small smile of pleasure on her face. They were silent for a short time, and Akkarin realized that it might be the last chance he had to make amends for what he had done—or at least attempt to do so, for he was sure he would never be able to fully make up for some of his actions. "I regret separating you from Rothen. I know he was more like a father than a teacher." Then, the words that he had always told himself came unbidden to his lips, and he voiced them to another for the first time. "It was necessary." The excuse sounded even weaker aloud than it did in his mind.

"I know," she whispered. "I understand."

He heard the truth in his words, and he felt his heart rate speed up slightly. "But you didn't understand then. You hated me."

She chuckled. "That's true. I don't any more." Those were the words that Akkarin had been hoping to hear even if he himself had not realized that until she spoke them. His heart soared, and it was only with considerable difficulty that he did not draw attention to himself with his reaction. He decided it best not to speak further and risk revealing feelings that he was finding harder and harder to hide every day. Instead, he rose and moved to the grass bed she had prepared earlier. He closed his eyes, assuming that he would not sleep, but the exhaustion of the previous weeks caught up with him and dragged him out of consciousness.

The nightmare came more slowly this time, but his unconscious mind did not even attempt to fool him into believing the dream involved Aaliyah. From the beginning, he could see Sonea's face clearly, pain etched onto every surface. Behind her stood the Ichani from whom they had narrowly escaped their first night in Sachaka, his smile cruel. Magic pulsed around Sonea, punishing magic that caused her to convulse every time it hit her body. Her mouth had fallen open in a silent scream, one that Akkarin wanted to echo, but he seemed to be rooted to the spot, unable to move or speak or use his powers at all.

Suddenly, all the sound came rushing back as if someone had just removed a sound barrier. Akkarin heard Sonea's scream, an unearthly sound that tore at his insides and caused him to fight harder against whatever invisible bonds held him still. He was screaming now, too, his voice combining with hers in a horrible cacophony of sound. He suddenly sensed another strike coming, more powerful than any others had been, and he knew instinctively that it would be fatal. "No!" he screamed, hoping that his voice alone could stop the strike. Just after he spoke the word, he felt a jolt, as if the strike had hit him instead, and that jolt pulled him back into the waking world. His mind, however, had not yet come out of the dream, and when he found himself suddenly able to use his powers again, he automatically formed a strong Forcestrike, pushing it outward against his opponent in the direction from which he had felt the jolt.

"Ow!" a familiar voice called, and his mind slowly caught up with his body.

"Sonea!" He quickly pushed himself to his feet and rushed to where she was lying face down on the ground. His heart pounding in his chest, he rolled her onto her back as gently as he could. "Are you hurt?"

She was quiet a moment before responding. "No, just bruised, I think."

"Why did you wake me?" Worry for what could have happened made his words come out more sharply than he had intended, but he could not change that now. His hands shook at the thought of how much he could have hurt her if he had put more power into his strike.

"You were dreaming. A nightmare. . ."

Of course she had heard him. Pushing all thoughts of what the nightmare contained to the back of his mind, he forced his tone to remain even as he said, "I am used to them, Sonea. They are no reason to wake me."

"You were making a lot of noise."

He paused for a moment, trying to decide what to do next. He was sure he would soon fall into another nightmare if he slept again, likely involving far worse outcomes for the young woman in front of him. He did not wish to witness that anymore. "Go to sleep, Sonea. I will watch."

"No," she said, her eyes glinting with defiance that would have bothered him in anyone else but which he could not help but find endearing from her. "You've barely slept—and I know you won't wake me up when it's your turn to sleep."

Her loyalty once again tugged at his heart, but he pushed those feelings aside. "I will. I give you my word." He reached out a hand, and she took it immediately so he could pull her to her feet. As he did so, the sun began to rise, illuminating her profile. The tugging at his heart became more insistent, and he felt a rush of desire and longing that no amount of self control could suppress. He stilled, unable to do anything but stare at her, entranced by the picture she made. Suddenly, he realized that he did not just care for her or desire her—he loved her more than he had ever loved anyone, even Aaliyah. He loved her passion, her loyalty, her drive to do what was right, even her stubbornness. She was not the type of person who accepted her fate; rather, she pushed herself forward relentlessly to shape her destiny as she saw fit. That quality made her much different than Aailyah, who never seemed to understand why Akkarin tried so hard to change their situation. Akkarin realized with a start that the woman who stood in front of him now was the only woman he ever could love truly and deeply, and he also knew that nothing could come of that realization.

Something pressed against his mind, and he did not have any time to build up barriers before he felt her familiar presence just inside the walls. Quickly, he pulled his hand away, breaking the connection, but he could tell from her expression that it was too late. She knew. Despite all of his attempts to keep them hidden, she had discovered his feelings for her. He watched her carefully for her reaction, surprised when she started to move closer to him. He had been sure she would move away, had started trying to think of a way to discount what she had seen and allow them to return to the somewhat uneasy peace that had settled between them.

When she stepped right in front of him, he grabbed her arms automatically though he could not have said if he wanted to push her away or hold her close. His eyes locked on hers, and he could see the desire clearly shining in their dark depths. The fact that she felt the same way certainly changed things—or did it? They were still fugitives, still likely to lose their lives any day from one of the many dangers they currently faced. It was not the time for romance. And yet as she leaned closer, pressing her lips to his, he could not stop his reaction. His eyes slid shut and his heart rate increased as he finally gave into the longing that had plagued him.

A shred of reason finally forced its way to the forefront of his mind, and he pulled away. "Stop. Stop this."

Her eyes studied him carefully, her brow knitting in confusion. "Why?"

It took him a moment to remember why he wanted to stop when it seemed every nerve in his body was screaming at him to pull her back to him and continue where they had left off. "This is wrong," he finally managed.

"Wrong? How? We both feel. . . feel. . ."

"Yes." He could not deny how he felt, even if he had wanted to do so. He looked away, hoping that if he did not see her, he could quell some of the desire rushing through his body. "But there is more to consider?"

"Like?"

He dropped his hands from her arms, stepping back so that he could clear his head. "It would not be fair to you."

"Me? But-"

"You're young," he interrupted, voicing the first reason which popped into his head. He had, in fact, often considered the reasons why a relationship between them would never work, and he fell back to that mental list now. "I am twelve—no, thirteen—years older than you."

"That is true, but women in the Houses are matched with older men all the time. Much older men. Some when they're as young as sixteen. I'm nearly twenty."

She was right, and she had effectively destroyed his argument. Forcing himself to remain stern, he moved to the next reason on his list. "I am your guardian."

A small smile played at her lips, and his heart clenched painfully. "Not any more."

"But if we return to the Guild-"

"Will we cause a scandal?" She chuckled. "I think they're getting used to that." The words reminded him of everything they had lost, all the pain he had caused her, and he frowned. She obviously realized the direction of his thoughts, for her smile disappeared. "You speak as if we'll go back and everything will be the same again. Even if we return, nothing will ever be as it was for us. I am a black magician. So are you."

The second painful reminder of what he had done caused him to wince. "I am sorry. I should never have-"

"Don't apologize for that. I chose to learn black magic. And I didn't do it for you." Her strength of character continued to surprise him, and he was once more struck by just how far she had wormed her way into his heart. She seemed to misinterpret his silence, for she started to turn away. "Well, this is going to make things awkward."

He could not let her leave, not like this. His self-control was slipping away. For the first time since his novice days, he wanted to do something for himself, something that was not part of his carefully-constructed plan to keep Kyralia safe. "Sonea," he said softly, and she turned back to face him. He stepped forward, reaching up to gently brush her hair away from her face. Perhaps this would be his downfall, the action that finally toppled the house of cards he had been building since Sachaka. But then again, perhaps she could save him, save them all. "Either of us could die in the next few weeks."

She nodded. "I know."

"I'd be happier knowing you were safe." He smiled when he saw her eyes narrow. "No, I will not start that argument again, but. . . you test my loyalties, Sonea."

She frowned. "How?"

Carefully, he traced the frown lines in her brow as the corners of his mouth curled upward. "It doesn't matter. I started to fail that test the night you killed the Ichani." He saw the surprise cross her features, and his smile widened. Stepping forward, he pulled her closer, allowing her to slowly trace his lips with one finger before he leaned forward and pressed his lips to hers. For the moment, he could forget his other concerns and allow himself to simply feel. And right now, that was enough.

A/N: I will be increasing the rating to M with the next chapter, so you'll want to adjust your filters accordingly if you'd like to keep reading! I'll call out at the beginning of each chapter if it's going to have M-content. Also, for anyone reading my other story (The Natural), I've kept the M content out of that one on purpose and will continue to do so, so if you want to read more detailed scenes, this will be the story.