Akira thinks she might be in hell

She was so cold, but she knew she couldn't fall asleep. She was lying on her side. She couldn't roll over, someone was holding her in place. Her vision of a gray sea and sky kept fading in and out. She felt like she'd been tossed in a blender.

Wherever she was laying suddenly bounced, nearly launching her in the air. At the movement, she passed out in a flash of white-hot pain.

When her consciousness faded back in, a harsh voice was shouting.

"—like that and you'll kill her!"

"Excusez-moi! If you think you can drive a precision performance vehicle better than I, be my guest. Until then, kindly keep your opinion to yourself."

Ugh, was she dying? And with Tsukiyama at her side, of all people? Just perfect.

Wait, that other voice—

"Taki—" Her voice gave out on her. Her throat felt more dry than it ever had before, and breathing was a struggle.

"Save it, Mado. We're ten minutes from the shore. The seas are rough but you can make it, right?"

Oh, we're on a boat. It's the waves, that's the movement. I'm…wounded…and…what happened?

"Hey boat bro! Do you have beds where we're going? I need a nap. I think my cicada rhythms are all messed up."

What is Naki doing here? Shit. Did I die? Am I in hell?

The boat crashed through another wave, and the jolting motion brought a wave of pain that knocked her clean out.

The ride to the island felt like sitting in the eye of a storm. Akira sat, fully kitted out for battle, trying to center herself in that icy, on-edge state of mind she needed to be in. The more she envisioned the knock-down drag-out combat she was about to enter, the easier it would be for her when it was actually happening.

She pushed Furuta out of her mind for the moment. She couldn't control anything about that, so it was better not to dedicate any attention to it. That twerp wouldn't be the reason she died today.

The thought really getting in the way was the fact that she wouldn't be leaving on the same boat—she'd either be dead or riding out with ghouls.

"Are you ready for this, Mado?" Hoji eyed her from the opposite bench.

She nodded. "Yes sir. Looking forward to it. We've never had a chance this perfect to take out Aogiri."

Hoji looked over at the rest of his squad. "Good. I'll let you in on a secret. I'm planning on finding Tatara and fighting until one of us is dead. I'm glad you're here. You might need to take over from me and lead them out."

That brought Akira up short. She knew why Tatara hated Hoji, but what was behind the investigator's animosity? "But, sir…"

He levelled a tired stare at her. "We never found Takizawa. I know that bastard had something to do with it. He knew Seido was one of mine. I take responsibility for my men. I need to know you're on board."

"I understand. I'm on board."

As soon as they landed on the beach with the rest of the amphibious assault, she took a deep breath and, on Hoji's command, threw herself into the breach. That was the trick of it—don't think, just go. The second she left room for hesitation, even a split second of hesitation, she'd already lost.

As they began cutting their way through what remained of Aogiri's front line, she slipped into the flow of battle. She'd feel sad later about the bodies she had to jump over.

Briefly, she caught sight of the Quinx powering up the beach a distance away. She smiled to herself, pleased to see them leading their charge. I hope they don't hate me after this.

Other squads took some heavy damage out in the open, but luck and skill were with their group. They sustained minimal casualties.

It was quick work to get to the treeline and from there on out it became the slow-going, exhausting business of flushing enemy combatants from the dense brush.

She had a lot to say, now more than ever, about the ugliness and futility of war. Off the record, though, there was a certain violent joy in turning off her brain and cutting a bloody swathe of destruction through any ghouls foolish enough to try and stop her. There was a dark pleasure in feeling the strength and skill in her body flow together, to deliver hit after hit in the rhythm of the fighting. She still felt that leap of satisfaction when she made a strike that connected, hard, with its target.

In the back of her mind, the fear lurked that a comm would come through ordering the team to turn on her and arrest her as a traitor. She thought she'd be okay if that happened—they were already on enemy territory and immersed in the chaos of battle, so all she had to do was run and get to her ghoul team's landing location.

It never happened. Knowing full well that Cochlea would be infiltrated at any time, if it wasn't already, the blackout on outside information from HQ was both a blessing and a curse. She knew that the blackout was probably keeping her safe there on Rushima for much longer than she had planned, but there was so much beyond the island she was anxious about.

Hoji, on her right flank, paid close attention to his radio. He was keeping his ear out for any chatter about where Tatara could be holed up.

She was debating when would be the best time to slip away—now when they were in a dense forest and she could disappear while no one noticed, or stay and buy more time for that key card at Cochlea?

During a brief break in the action, she decided to take a risk. Waiting until Hoji finished grabbing a drink from his canteen, she mentioned as casually as she could, "No further word from Mission HQ?"

He shook his head. "No. We all have our orders, that hasn't changed. They must not want to spook us during the active assault."

Akira nodded but didn't answer. Maybe that's in the playbook for some commanders, but Marude is on point right now, and he never shuts up…

And then Hoji's radio crackled with an alert from one of the scouts. The Aogiri executive had been spotted heading into a structure to their north.

Hoji looked at Akira and ordered a change in direction. He grabbed his communicator and radioed back, "Hoji here. We're on it."

Well, I can't leave yet.

The fight with Tatara was brutal, as expected. When Akira was forced to deploy the Fueguchi II for cover, she flashed on Hinami's face and wondered what was happening with the girl on the other side of the bay before quickly dragging her focus back to the present—

In time to see Takizawa blaze in and destroy Tatara, brutally and with a smile on his face.

She was stunned as she looked upon the monster her former classmate had become. She knew, from the reports of the Auction raid and the Tsukiyama family extermination, what he was capable of. Reading a report and seeing for herself were two very different things, though.

In her head, she'd been imagining a tortured prisoner, forced to fight. This was…a monster that took pleasure in inflicting pain.

While the carnage unfolded before her, she slowly lowered one hand to unzip her pocket and slid her fingers along the case inside. It was tricky undoing the latch blind, but she managed to pop open the case and grab a syringe of RC suppressant. Maybe they could take him alive, maybe they couldn't, but he needed to be subdued as fast as possible.

They all watched him, horrified, as he turned to the squad with a victorious grin on his face. "It's done…We did it, we got rid of Aogiri Tree. Why aren't you celebrating? Investigator Hoji?"

She swallowed the lump in her throat when Hoji ordered the attack against Takizawa, tears in his eyes. "All personnel…prepare to attack to attack the rate SS ghoul Owl."

"Sir…" she whispered.

Without turning, he declared, "I take responsibility for my men."

She nodded.

Watching Takizawa turn on Tatara like a feral dog attacking its master, she felt what little hope she had for him melting away. He…was gone, and this violent monster was all that was left.

All I need is an opening, someone else to engage him, distract him long enough for me to get close…

That plan went to shit as soon as Takizawa screamed and sent a wall of RC crystals at the men who were still standing. Akira still had the Fueguchi II to protect her. A few others managed to dive for cover, but within seconds most of their forces had been torn to shreds.

She watched helplessly as Hoji tried to rush his former subordinate but was mercilessly cut down. With a single swipe, his head was separated from his body.

"Hot potato!" Takizawa grabbed the arm of Hoji's jerking body and threw it her way.

She tried to shield herself with her quinque, but the impact still knocked her against the wall behind her. She dropped the syringe on the ground, cap still on. There was a sudden sharp pain in her side when she tried to take a breath—had she cracked a rib?

Screams and the distinctive sound of slicing through flesh and bone told her that the rest of the squad was being slaughtered while she was trying to get off the ground. After the beating they took from Tatara, they never stood a chance.

Akira struggled, shaking, to her hands and knees. She knew it was hopeless, but she was dead whether she fought back or not, so she might as well go out fighting. She glanced over at Hoji's head, eyelids and mouth still twitching in a macabre facsimile of life. As she watched, his eyes went glassy and opaque. Sorry I wasn't more help, Hoji…

Footsteps approached from behind. Her quinque was kicked away. A strong hand grabbed the collar of her flak jacket and dragged her into the center of the room. She kicked and struggled the whole way.

Another hand wrapped around her throat and lifted her into the air. "Hey, Mado."

That invigorated her enough to start clawing at the hand around her neck, trying to loosen his grip or at least take some weight off of her throat. She tried to kick a leg up over his arm, but the blinding pain in her side brought her up very short.

"You know, I've been dreaming of this, killing Tatara and saving the CCG…I'd be the hero. I really was trying to help…"

Her vision was going dark. She could barely focus on the words coming out of his black lips.

"…wanted you to see it too."

Half-conscious, she barely knew what words she managed to rasp out. But she was mad. "Are you stupid? I saw you. We all saw you. You're a killer ghoul. Hoji was being compassionate—killing you himself instead of ordering your eradication. Why don't you get that?"

"So in other words, I should die quietly?"

The sound reached her distantly. She was fighting to stay conscious.

She clawed at the hands strangling her and tried to kick out at him with her last burst of strength. You idiot! I never stopped thinking about you! The deals I made, the things I did to try and get to you—

It was her worst fear. There was no reaching him.

She'd failed.

And just as her sight shrank to a pinpoint and her thoughts slowed to a crawl, Takizawa suddenly released her.

She crumpled to the ground.

"What do you want, Amon?"

Amon made it, he's here.

Still half-conscious, she looked around and tried to locate her syringe. Between the ruckus of Amon and Takizawa screaming and attacking each other and her own wheezing for air, she could barely think straight. Crawling on the ground, her fingers brushed over debris, sticks and rocks, until she finally touched something that felt man-made.

She grabbed it, clumsily, and ripped the cap off in her teeth. Spat it on the ground.

Amon flew past her and slammed into the wall. He was down for the count, slumped on the ground, Takizawa screaming some vitriol at him.

It was her turn to go in again.

She was unsteady getting to her feet. Something was wrong with her side, she couldn't breathe right. Putting one foot in front of the other was one of the hardest things she'd ever done, but she managed to lurch in Takizawa's direction.

It seemed like a hopeless maneuver, but even she was surprised by how far she got before Takizawa noticed. Needle in her fist, thumb on the plunger, she drew her arm back and lunged at him as he turned his head to look at her with a sickening smile on his face.

And he caught her wrist. "Oh, ho, ho, what's this?"

He dug his fingertips into her wrist and squeezed until her hand opened, the syringe clattering to the floor. "Back for more…you're a glutton for punishment. I'm impressed."

"You don't understand anything, Seido—" she growled out.

"Don't talk to me like you know me!" He tightened his grip around her wrist.

She screamed as she felt a bone snap. He smiled at her.

Even through her pain, though, she was startled to see a knife hit him in the eye with a wet thwack.

Takizawa tossed her aside by her now-broken arm. Akira landed hard and had to grit her teeth against the pain, and concentrate on breathing through it. It was so excruciating it gave her heart palpitations.

She managed to roll over and try to focus her vision on what was going on.

Takizawa, leisurely pulling the knife out of his eye socket and then giving it a few casual tosses in the air.

And Juzo, the good little soldier, already looking plenty battered. On one arm, she noticed a long gash that was half-stitched up, thread and suture needle dangling about as he moved. His eyes flicked over towards Amon and Akira for the briefest of seconds, but he stayed lasered in on Takizawa.

"Don't worry, Akira. I'm here. It's been a while, Seido."

"Same to you, punk." Takizawa threw the knife. "What, none of your little psycho toys? I heard you were running around with an Arata these days."

"Oh, you missed it, I just finished taking it off when the SOS came in." Juzo easily dodged, but let the knife pass close enough to cut through the excess thread trailing through the air on his side. "But for you? Don't need any."

The standoff lasted one endless second, before violence erupted and the two began firing at each other. The air exploded into volleys of RC crystals and knives.

A hand grabbed her good arm and hauled her up into a sitting position. It was Amon.

"You okay?"

"I'm alive," she coughed out.

"Can you run?"

"I guess we'll find out."

He helped her stumble to her feet, and held her steady while she tried to regain her balance. She looked at Takizawa and Juzo trading blows, just in time to see Takizawa deflect a knife. She sidestepped it before it hit her in the face. "Actually yeah, legs are working."

"Get out of here. You know where we landed. I'll get Takizawa and be right behind you." Amon tried to push her towards the door.

She dug her heels in. "Amon. You've got to leave him. We lost."

He shook his head. "I'm not leaving him."

The Quinx were suddenly in the entryway, some of them yelling her name, some of them yelling out plans of attack. Her brain was half-scrambled, she couldn't keep track of what was happening.

She would have been so proud of how quickly they got into formation and attacked as a team, if it wasn't Amon they were targeting. Did they…think he was holding her hostage?

"No, he's protecting me," she wanted to yell. But thanks to the chokehold she'd just been in and the pain in her side every time she breathed, she couldn't speak much above a whisper. Her words were lost in the chaos.

It didn't look good.

The Quinx were about to launch another attack at him. Urie shouted something about not wanting to lose anyone else. Juzo had another barrage of knives cued up between his fingers

Amon ate a hit from someone's kagune to one shoulder. Then he launched himself into the fray. Akira reached out after him with her unbroken hand, but the hem of his robe just slipped through her fingers.

Watching Amon putting his neck on the line to save an unsaveable old friend…Akira had a moment of clarity.

She was ready cut her losses, to give up on Takizawa. She cared enough to try, but not enough to put her life at risk for him. Because she didn't believe in him enough to make it worthwhile.

Amon was better than her, though. He always had been, in a lot of ways. Amon had faith in Takizawa that he frankly didn't deserve.

He blocked a blow from Takizawa with one hand, then turned around and caught a knife in his other arm. All he did was take hits to protect all of them from each other.

She remembered when he called her brave for showing mercy. He had that bottomless faith in her, too.

Her way she had a better chance of living, but on the other side she wouldn't be someone who deserved to survive. Sure, she'd probably find a way to make herself okay with it, but deep down she'd always know how weak she really was when it counted most…

One of those little ironies—it was only through risking her life for a good cause that she'd have a life worth saving.

In the split second her mind was spinning through all those thoughts, Takizawa knocked Amon across the room and then took a hard hit himself, courtesy of Juzo.

In a flash of panic, she tried to reach into her pocket for another syringe—but it was on the side of her broken wrist, and she couldn't twist her good hand around enough to even get the pocket open.

If I wasn't wearing the damn flak jacket I would have enough range of motion to reach it. For a split second, she considered ripping it off before she realized how stupid that would be.

Juzo pulled another set of knives from where they were sheathed on his belt.

Would…would it be so bad, if she died while she was trying to be the woman Amon believed she was?

No. That's why I'm already running. That's the trick—don't think, just go.

God, I'm an idiot.

She managed to skid to her knees in front of Takizawa, facing him, just in time to get skewered.

The first couple hit her body armor hard but bounced off—shredding layers of ballistic nylon in the process. The next few were able to pierce the weakened armor. Maybe a couple sliced at her more exposed arms and legs.

The hits felt like a hard impact, at first. Then the stinging, under her skin and through muscle, told her she'd been pierced. It was less painful than she expected it to feel, honestly. The sign of a sharp, clean cut.

Juzo's confused voice floated through the suddenly hazy room. "Akira? What are you…"

She met Takizawa's eyes, took in his shocked expression.

"I never stopped thinking about you," she managed to eke out before the hand she was leaning on finally gave out and everything faded into black.

The next few minutes came in flashes—Amon yelling something, the sounds of kagune hitting bodies, a bone-chilling scream from Saiko, someone picking her up as pain shot through every nerve.

Then—the evening sky, they were outside—getting jostled around over rough terrain in the treeline—yelling in the distance—

The sound of waves and the smell of ocean.

"Who are you? Where's Amon?" A voice that sounded like Nishiki's spoke.

"Going kakuja back there," grumbled Takizawa.

No…not now…"I left a syringe in there…on the floor…more in my pocket…"

She felt someone gingerly fish the case out of her pocket, avoiding the nearby slice on her thigh.

"We can hit him with the suppressant and snatch him when no one's looking." Nishiki again. "Who can still fight? We've got one more person to get off this island," he announced.

No answer. "Let me rephrase. If you want a ride out of here, you better volunteer. Ah, thank you, Miss A-cup and mysterious sword girl."

"Screw you, four-eyes!"

Akira tried to speak up. "No…don't hurt the Quinx…"

He ignored her and kept talking. "Get on the first boat out, but don't touch those knives until we get back to the mainland. She'll bleed out fast if you remove them." She felt someone—probably Nishiki, he had some sort of medical background—wrapping up a couple of her worst wounds while Takizawa held her.

She groaned in pain while he bound her broken, swollen wrist. "Don't worry," he muttered. "He's tough. We'll get him, Akira, if I have to drag him back myself."

As they made the final dash to the boats, a ragged lone, "Stop!" reached her ears. "You're not leaving with her!"

Takizawa skidded to a halt and growled.

She cracked one eye, then the other, with what felt like the effort it took to deadlift a car. Takeomi was standing there on the beach. She was seeing double but he looked pretty damn beaten up himself.

"What…Takeomi…"

"Hirako gave me one order…back you up on Rushima, no matter what." His weapon was shaking in his grip. He was barely able to stay upright.

What a good kid, ready to die to fulfill his duty.

"Back again? You're a bit of a pest." The voice was that other barista, Irimi, but Akira's swimming vision only saw the Black Dog moving to stand between her and Takeomi.

She glanced over her shoulder. "Man, Akira, you've seen better days."

"Tell him…I'm safe with you. Don't hurt…him." She couldn't speak above a whisper.

The Black Dog waved Takizawa towards the boats. "She's coming with us," she declared.

"She's not your hostage!"

"No, Akira's our friend. We're her backup. We'll keep her safe. You're the ones that hurt her." The Black Dog backed away, towards the boats, but kept her eye on him.

Looking behind Takizawa as he rushed her off the island, Akira got a final view of Takeomi dropping his quinque in shock and exhaustion. He had the face of a man who'd gambled and lost everything. He'd betrayed the CCG, his girlfriend had been arrested, the colleague he trusted had turned out to be collaborating with ghouls…

That was the last thing she saw on Rushima, before the adrenaline in her veins finally ran its course and she crashed.

I thought it was so interesting that Akira went from being ok with Takizawa getting merc'd by Hoji to jumping in the line of fire for him pretty fast…I hope I did a convincing job of capturing whatever went on in her head to flip that switch so fast!

As for Juzo showing up, there's a point where someone mentions that both the Quinx and Suzuya squad were heading that way and then…Juzo never shows up! Talk about a missed opportunity. I think that a Juzo v. Takizawa showdown with Akira caught in the middle is so interesting and makes so much sense, thematically, narratively, emotionally…

And since Akira is currently down for the count, I think we need to check back in with Touka and company!

Next week: Aftermath