Disclaimer:
Mrs. J.K., All yours, story, money, fame, looks… I have none of that, believe me.
Previous:
While the kids were practicing Wandless, Lilly and I meditated to search for our inner animal, it helps when you know what to look for, in my case a big black dog.
41 A Dog's Life.
Lilly succeeded first, she was a beautiful Red Fox, I could not find my Grim, I kept getting roadblocked by… Son of a Bitch! A fucking Poodle? I am a fucking Toy Poodle? There is no way in Hell I am going to be a bloody Lapdog! Worse, a White Fucking Toy Poodle!
Lilly saw on my face that I found my inner animal and said: "Change, Black! I want to see what makes your face turn as if you ate a lemon drop from Dumbledore. Is it a Cat? A Donkey? You are already an ass, so it would fit. A peacock? That is it! Change now, Siri!"
With a sigh, I accepted my fate and changed, I turned into a small white Toy Poodle… a trimmed one. Everyone stopped what they were doing, and all the girls rushed to me to cuddle me… maybe it was not a bad deal after all. I started licking the girl's faces until I felt a hand grabbing my neck and lifting me up. The hand turned me towards a face…
With an ice-cold voice, Lilly asked: "What are you doing, Black? Since when did you have permission to slobber other girls' faces?"
Mary, Marlene, and Alice froze up, they realized that I was licking their faces... Like in kissing? With a scream they rushed to the bathroom to wash their face, yelling profanities along the way that could make a bouncer of a strip club blush.
Lilly said: "Be glad that I want to have children in the future or I will have you fixed, like Alice just suggested. No, don't you make puppy eyes on me, I saw you wagging your tail when you were licking my friend's faces. James, Severus, Remus, he is all yours."
Can you believe she threw me into an evil grinning James' arms? I could not concentrate enough to change back, so for the next ten minutes, I got bullied by the boys. Then it got worse, they gave me to the girls. An hour later the punishment was over and I could change back.
I groaned: "That was not fair! Alice, you didn't have to shave all my fur off, that was mean."
Alice pouted: "No it wasn't! And if I see that horny white fur ball near me again then I will go through with the neutering with a bloody blunt knife!"
Mary sighed, "It was partly our fault too, we knew it was Siri when we cuddled him, he was such a cute little dog."
Marlene frowned: "That may be true, but he started licking us on purpose, he knew what he was doing. Fido! Teach us how to be an animagus, maybe then we will forgive you."
"Alright!" I caved in, "There is no need to get nasty about it. So, if you want to find your inner animal, first start to shape your Mindscape into a natural setting, a meadow, a forest or mountain, whatever feels most natural to you, even a lake or ocean if you feel that it is it."
I had to teach Snape and Lupin what a Mindscape is and how to create it, I gave them a few books to read about it.
Xxxxx
A week later everyone, except Snape and Lupin had found their natural Mindscape and were ready for the next step. We gathered in our ritual room and sat down in a circle in the center was a chalice with a pile of smoking herbs on it.
Then Lilly came in and slapped the back of my head, "Quit fooling around, Black! We didn't need to smoke cannabis to find our inner animal."
"Maybe I did, then I wasn't a bloody Poodle." I complained, "Okay, everyone, start meditating and fill your mindscape with the animals you usually find there, birds, mammals, insects, reptiles, amphibians, fish, big, small, all that you can think of."
I continued, "Once that is done, Meditate a few hours each day, animals that don't resonate with you will disappear, and animals that do will multiply. From a week to a month, you will know your animal… if you are honest with yourself. Trying to force yourself to a particular animal will not work. Like me, I was searching for a black dog while that Poodle was right in front of me."
James found his stag when Snape and Lupin managed to create their Mindscape, Longbottom joined us when he found out that Alice was close to finding her animal, and started on his Mindscape too.
James grinned stupidly when Marlene and Mary were Red Deers too, bloody show-offs.
I said: "This is the final step, run with your animals in your Mindscape, join the herd, try to feel what it is like to be that animal, finally, try to Be that animal. Once you get that step you will have changed into your animal when you come out of your meditation. The rest is easy."
Eager to be that stag, James put a lot of effort into it and succeeded fast, so did his fiancees. They regularly run in the woods at Potter Manor, often with Lilly, while I sat at the window on Aunty Dorea's lap. Life sucks.
Frank fucking Longbottom took the first prize, he is a big brown bear. Alice Brown became a Wolverine, she is scary as hell! Always chases me around when she spots me in my dog form. Man, that bitch is vindictive. It made me research ways to get another Animal, I am bloody tired of being the Pet joke of everyone.
Snape became a bird, a crow. He calls it a Raven, but I know a crow when I see one. As a fledgling the Putts could not fly yet, just sitting on a perch and making noise. Lupin didn't get him, the Werewolf kept on blocking him.
I finally managed to find my second animal! I cheated though, I concentrated on the time I was Dudley and found his animal too. See me! The proud Lion King! Master of the Animal Kingdom! BOW TO ME! Hah! I still got it! I Rule!
When James and his herd were showing off in front of me again, I changed from Fido into Leo and started hunting them, Roaring the shit out of them. Yes, they did shit when I turned into a lion, Alice too.
I turned back and smirked: "Now, who was making fun of my Poodle? James? You, Mary, and Marlene looked yummy to me a few moments ago, can I have a bite?"
"Bloody Hell, Black! How do you get to have two animagus? You scared me to death with that Lion!" complained James.
"Nope, can't tell you all my secrets, can I?" I mockingly told him, "You were having too much fun harassing my Poodle. Payback is a Lion."
Uncle Charlus said: "It should not have been possible, and yet I saw it with my own eyes. You better keep that Lion a secret, boy. There will be nothing but trouble if this came out."
Aunty Dorea pouted: "I wanted to keep my little dog."
At Lilly's questioningly face I commented: "Dudley's Patronus was a Lion, what was Hermione's?"
She gasped: "I remember! They had matching animals!"
It didn't take long for Lilly to find her second animal. I call her Lea. Bite me! That is a good name!
Xxxxx
To avoid trouble, we registered our Animagus at the Ministry.
We made the headlines again on the Daily Bullshit.
Heir Black Does it again!
Dear Readers! Heir Sirius Black keeps on surprising us!
That young Genius found a secret method to find your inner animal and become an animagus!
Yesterday, Heir Black and his friends came to the Ministry and registered their animagus! That Heir Black's method is full-proof is shown by the number of Animagi that came to register.
EIGHT! Eight Children came to register their inner animal! Heir James Potter is a Red Deer stag, surprisingly his fiancees Marlene McKinnon and Mary McDonald are Red Deer too. Alice Brown is a fierce Wolverine and her newly betrothed Frank Longbottom a brown Bear. His friend Severus Snape a raven.
What about Him and his betrothed you ask? Miss Lilly Evans is a beautiful Red Fox, and Heir Black… a small, white, nicely trimmed... Toy Poodle, the smallest of all types of Poodles.
I must say, dear Readers that I was shocked. Of all the animals, that was the last one I would guess. The family animal is a big black Grim after all. The look on Heir Black's face prevented everyone from making fun of the Toy Poodle, even Heir Potter said that Heir Black doesn't have a sense of humor concerning his Toy Poodle.
When we asked what method he used to accomplish this amazing feat, he answered: "I claim this as a Black Family Secret."
We can only guess what this amazing young man comes up with next.
What we do know is that Heir Black sets a new record for his name and confirms his status as the number one Genius of this Century, overshadowing men like Grindelwald and Dumbledore, who were brilliant, but could not compare to this young Genius when they were his age.
When we congratulated him on that, he humbly said: "That is nothing, really, Lilly can kick my but any time. In a way she is more impressive, I grew up with Magic, she only experienced it for one year, and is my equal."
I guess you can say that the boy is smitten by Miss Evans. We at the newspaper wish them all the best.
Your Loyal Reporter
Mouth B. Labber.
Family Secrets, What, How, and Where they come from, and how to get them, more on page 3
Your inner animal, a struggle to find it? We explain the commonly used ritual on page 4
How to Groom Your Dog? More on page 5
Fleas and Lice, how to keep them out of your Fur? We gathered the best tips on page 6
The expected rise in popularity of Toy Poodles, an expert explains, more on page 7
What do Lapdogs Lap? The true purpose of Lapdogs is revealed in Play Witch Monthly.
Xxxxx
Life was set back to normal eventually until the three Princesses of Doom barged into my bedroom early in the morning and tied me up in bed. Bellatrix straddled me and had a mad look in her eyes.
She put her hands around my neck and softly said: "Well, Heir Black? Why did you call it a Family Secret when there is only one Black out of eight Animagi? What about us? Did you forget about your favorite cousins? Or do you hate us now?"
She lowered her mouth next to my ear and whispered: "Repeat after me: Bellatrix, I am happy to teach you and your beautiful sisters how to become an animagus… Hmm? Did you just get a boner? You Perv!"
Gasping for air I said: "When your snatch is grinding on my Dick and you show your tits in front of me when you bend forwards, of course, I get a boner! Now get off me and release your binds. You could have ask normally you know."
Bellatrix looked at her cleavage, yep, bending forwards presented a nice view, she didn't wear a bra, so I got a front-row view of the goods. Lilly is going to kick my ass if she finds out.
Bella said: "Teach us perv!"
That bitch is asking for it! "Alright! For a month, you have to get out of your bed and you have to hop on one foot for ten minutes, then you have to hop on the other foot while yelling like Tarzan when he is swinging through the Jungle… naked in front of a mirror."
The hands are back around my neck, "Why don't I believe a word of what you just said you little Perv?"
"Because you are still dry-humping my Dong, Trixy! Get off me and I will explain." almost pleaded.
Yeah, puberty kicked in, and getting a load off while Trixy sits on top of me is embarrassing. The bitch grinned when she saw how uncomfortable I am until I said: "I'll tell Lilly."
Pouting, she released me, Andi asked: "Can you teach us too, Siri? Or do we need to ride your Dong too?"
I rolled my eyes: "If you want me killed by Lilly, yes. Meet me in the Ritual room, tell Kreacher to prepare it for Meditation. I'll be down in twenty… no, thirty minutes." Bloody Hormones... "Kreacher! Double the herbs!"
Xxxxx
At the train ride we got a lot of visitors, mostly asking to show our animal, or just my Poodle. James Stag won't fit in the compartment. I managed to find out what the Black sister's animals were, Trixy a Black Jaguar, Andi a Black Leopard, and Cissy a Black Cougar. They still haven't managed to turn into one yet though.
At the sorting, we witnessed a brand new side of the hat, I bet he lost a lot of compulsion charms when Dumbledore lost his job and grip on Hogwarts wards. The kids were sorted by treats instead of family traditions. I bet that will give a lot of howlers.
Anyway, Snape has a lot of attention in Ravenclaw, after all, he is the embodiment of the House with his animagus, too bad he is a Puff. Voices were raised to get him moved to their House. Slughorn looked sour, all the kids that avoided him became an animagus, I bet he blames me, I was on his wrong side from day one when I told him to stay out of House Black business.
Lessons were boring, I was wondering why I didn't complete this Layer yet, do I need to take Dumbledore out? Or kill the Death Eaters? I squibbed Tom's inner circle, the rest are sheep. Meh, I'll write some letters.
Xxxxx
Heir Black proclaims! The reason why you think Muggles steal our Magic!
Dear readers, Heir Black made a study on why we are convinced that Muggles steal our Magic, he explains.
It starts with the Witch hunts, we notice that Muggles developed new technologies in the fifteenth Century, slowly surpassing us in later years, weapons became Wizard killers with the invention of Gunpowder. With the Muggle's industrial revolution, they left us behind, and we started to copy them, the printing press, the Wireless, the Hogwarts train to name a few examples. Instead of us giving them examples to a better way of life, the Muggles showed us theirs.
World War One was a wake-up call for the continent, Muggles killing each other on a scale we never imagined! Twenty thousand deaths in a day was not an exception.
World War Two made us realize we did not matter anymore on the grand scale of the world. Grindelwald was just a helper of the Muggles, the airplanes flew faster and higher than any broom, we had no defense against their bombs at all.
While we have to stick our heads in our fireplace, Muggles can talk freely to anyone around the globe. To conclude it all, we are outpaced by the Muggles on almost every topic. To explain it, we think they used Magic to do all of that, how else could they be better than us?
To explain it simply, a hundred years ago, a muggle flew a contraption into the air, some wood and canvas with an engine-powered propeller. Each year they improved that model, it got faster, bigger, and more complicated. Now they have flying Machines that can transport over 400 people, go three to four times faster than sound, and fly higher than 50.000 feet.
What do we have to compare? Brooms and carpets, we use the same models from 3000 years ago. Innovations are discouraged, new ideas are smothered by old men who think they know best. It will only take half of a century before Muggles are advanced enough to discover our community.
We have to stop thinking that Muggles are smart Monkeys that steal our Magic, or we will become the smart Monkeys on display in a Zoo.
Dear Readers, those are harsh words from our young Genius, I asked a few Muggleborn classmates from Hogwarts, and they confirmed it. They took me for a day out in London, it was an eye-opener! We are so stuck with Apparating and Floo travel that we didn't see the world changing on us.
We isolated ourselves from the Muggle world and that is coming back to bite us.
Heir Black suggested a solution:
Dedicate a half page of your paper on Muggle topics written by a Muggleborn, on the other half write Magic topics for Muggleborns to understand our world. That way we grow together into one society.
Dear Readers, that is not a bad idea, often we complain that Muggleborns reject our ways, my friends told me that they never were taught our ways, so how can they reject them when they never knew them in the first place?
We leave this debate open for everyone.
Your Loyal Reporter
Mouth B. Labber.
More on Technology on page 3
What is technology? More on page 4
How does it move without Magic? An expert explains on page 5
What is drawing the white lines in the sky is revealed on page 6
Brooms through the ages, Bathilda Bagshot claims: "It is still the best tool to sweep the floor!" more on page 9
Muggles landed on the Moon last year! Muggleborns confirm: it is not a rumor but a fact! All you need to know on page 6
Who did the Muggles visit on the Moon? Our expert Astronomer said: "We don't know! We can not see the other side of the Moon." More on pages 7 and 8.
Moon dwellers, who or what are they? Play Witch Monthly provides a study.
Xxxxx
Lilly asked while she put the paper down: "Are you rocking the boat again, Siri? Are you so eager to finish this Layer? Are you perhaps tired of me? ARE You?"
I sighed: "I am bored Lilly. And these bloody kids keep on asking me to show Fido. I am not tired of you Lilly, I am tired of being a little kid."
Lilly nodded, "I can understand that, I have been through this before too. Why don't we prepare for the Next Layer? New Magic? What about Rituals? We did not explore that, did you?"
I shook my head, "No that doesn't work, if I know too much, ROB will nerf me. I was Tom once, remember? The next Layer those memories got erased, I was glad I kept the Magic from The Game from the last Layer, we would be helpless without it."
Lilly nudged my shoulder: "Then we will have fun, what do you want to do or can I suggest something?"
"Suggest, my love, you made me curious." I said smiling with a bow, "I am all for fun, my middle name should have been fun."
"Well, did you know that the Wolfsbane Potion has yet to be invented? And who do you think still remembers the recipe?" asked Lilly, "We can upstage Slughorn with it, he is nagging my ears off lately to join his parties. And it will get you in the papers again."
"Nope! It will get YOU in the papers, Missy! I never brewed that potion in the first place, what if they want a demonstration? It is your show, honey."
Lilly caved in: "Ok, I will present it to the Potion Guild if you get me a foot in the door."
"Consider it done. Do you have any other suggestions?" I asked.
"Banning Binns to the afterlife would be a good idea, he is killing History long enough," she suggested.
"I know the Druid ritual for that, we do that two weeks before Yule, that gives McGonagall time to hire a replacement." I commented, "We start with the Wolfsbane, when is the next full moon?"
Lilly answered: "In two weeks, that is enough time to buy and brew it on time."
I grinned: "Lilly? Do you remember that potion book from The Half-Blood Prince? How about you file for Potion Mastery? I remember every improvement and can write it out for you."
Lilly looked thoughtfully at me and asked: "Sev's Mum is a Potion Mistress, how many of these improvements are from her? Plus if we only publish improvements from the sixth-year book, what about the other years? We would be exposed in a week."
Xxxxx
Two and a half weeks later the Daily Slander reported:
A new Potion Mistress is Born!
Dear Readers! We can proudly announce that Britain has a new blooming talented future Potion Mistress! Yes, she is still young, Miss Lilly Evans, the betrothed of Heir Sirius Black, is a second-year student at Hogwarts, she developed a potion that lets Werewolves keep their human mind during the full moon!
This is a groundbreaking change! With their human mind in control, they are no danger to their family and surroundings, no more self-mutilations, no more infecting innocents!
We interviewed this brilliant girl to find out how and why she invented this potion.
ML: Congratulations on your achievement, Miss Evans, can you explain how you came up with this recipe?
EL: "I happen to know some Werewolves and I wanted to do something to ease their burden. Most Werewolves are victims, infected by some bad ones, but they get painted with the same brush as the bad wolves. We noticed that Dumbledore preached for Werewolf rights but did nothing to actually do something for them. Worse, he even voted on rights to restrict them more! I spent time with my betrothed when we were training for animagus and read some old unfinished recipes in his library from a Black potion Mistress that had to give up her profession when she married. I researched her notes and developed the Wolfsbane."
ML: "So this is a partial House Black Potion?"
EL: "It would be a Black potion anyway after our marriage. Too bad the Ancestor of my betrothed had to stop brewing, we would have had that potion centuries sooner."
ML: "That is a shame, yes. Your potion is tested successfully on a pack of Werewolves. Do you think life for them will be better?"
EL: "That depends on our Ministry, some of the herbs are toxic and their sales are strictly regulated, a werewolf hater in the Ministry can sabotage the development of herbal farms to grow enough to serve the packs. Potion Masters can artificially keep the prize of the potion high, to increase their profits."
ML: Well, Miss Evans, we from the Daily Prophet will keep an eye open and expose any transgression we can find.
Dear Readers, we hope that our government supports the development of new herbal farms to grow enough to supply the werewolf community. A sane werewolf makes our world safer.
Your loyal reporter
Mouth B. Labber.
All about Wolfsbane potion on page 3
Dumbledore's voting on werewolf Laws investigated more on page 6
Who is smarter, Heir Black or Miss Evans? More on Page 4
When is the Wedding? TWW will investigate
Who will be the dominant one? The Fox or the Toy? Play Witch Monthly speculates!
Xxxxx
Slughorn wasn't happy, a Potion talent that was out of his reach, and developed a groundbreaking potion without his help, in HIS School! That was unacceptable, the worst part is that the Brat, AKA, Me, is blocking him from recruiting her into his Club. Meh, fuck him, I will kick his ass after the Spring Equinox. We have to take care of Binns first.
We diverted the attention with a prank, Doing it with a potion would be a bad idea, most of the students check for them anyway. Now we put the chairs we sit on under a timed spell. When breakfast was done, the spells activated. For a day, everyone was forced to sing if they wanted to speak, we spelled the chairs of the lower years to sing with a Baritone voice, the middle years with a Tenor, and the upper years with a soprano.
The teachers had it bad, they had to sing soprano as an opera diva, which meant they could let the vowel A last for five minutes. If you think Quirrell's stutter was bad, just doing the attendance list takes a half hour. Classes were canceled. Some students harassed the teachers with questions just to hear them sing their arias.
Lilly and I set our Ritual Banning Circle in Binns Class, when we started the Ritual, he looked up and said: "It is about time that someone did this. Dumbledore and Doge bound me to this classroom in revenge when I exposed their relationship. Thank you, Children."
When the ritual was done, Lilly said: "It always comes down to Dumbledore, doesn't it? I wonder, where do you think he is hiding?"
I realized something, "Son of a bitch! I bet he is hiding in the Castle! He must have been prepared for this to happen, most likely he has keyed himself in the wards separately, remember, McGonagall is still his bitch, she can hide the link.
Xxxxx
Mr. Unmentionable,
We noticed that Dumbledore is still running free, despite the combined efforts of your department and the DMLE, the trouble is to locate him.
In that I feel I can give you some pointers, like if you know that you are breaking several laws by potioning students, won't you have some backup plan? A Hide Out? Now, for a man that has been living in Hogwarts for more than 60 years, he must known the place very well don't you think?
Imagine being in control of the Wardstones for twenty-five years and the current Headmistress is a loyal puppet, what are the odds that Dumbledore is hiding at Hogwarts?
I suggest some wards that block Phoenix travel and in the addendum is a plan with all the secret passages that I know of. The Yule break will be an optimal time to investigate, don't you think?
Yours, Mr. Anonymous.
Xxxxx
I smiled at Lilly and said: "Why don't we catch a firebird after Yule? I think Fawkes suffered enough, I am curious how he bound that bird to him."
Lilly gasped: "Nagini! Could Dumbledore have done the same as Tom? That explains the loyalty of Fawkes."
I sighed: "To the RoR, Honey. We have some serious planning to do, and little time to do it."
We spent the rest of our free time researching in the RoR.
Xxxxx
On the train ride home, A Black Leopard and a Black Cougar were eating some snacks in our compartment, Lilly and I managed to enlarge it to make room for everyone, and both took prime positions.
James asked nervously: "Siri? Why did you feel the need to feed them a half-deer? Do you know how much that freaks me out? See them looking at me!"
I grinned evilly: "I told you that you looked Yummy, James. That is just a burden you have to live with. Why don't you and your delicious betrothed join us for the Yule Hunt? You could play a big part in the hunt, you know."
At that comment, a Cougar and a Leopard lifted their heads and looked at James, slowly shewing on the meat in their mouth.
Marlene shivered: "No bloody way, Sirius Black! You and those cats need to stay away from us. We will join the herd on Potter Manor."
Lilly chuckled: "It is good that the mating season is over, or Bambi here has to fight over you with an old Stag."
James protested: 'It is Prongs! I tell you! There is no way I am a Bambi!"
I shrugged: "Live with the names we gave you, Bambi, do you think I like Fido? Besides, that will go nicely with Barbie and Cristy."
Mary complained: "Why did we get stupid Barbie doll names and those cats' cool ones like Princess, Duchess, and Contessa?"
I pointed at them and answered: "They have sharp teeth and have access to my house, that's why."
Xxxxx
At Yule, the three Princesses stole the show, I had to admit that being a Black Jaguar is more impressive than being a Toy Poodle or a Red Fox, yes, Lilly is at my place. She smothered any protests by wandlessly cutting and trimming her Yule log, when she with a careless gesture put her log on the firepit, all protests went still. She conjured a big dog basket with a fluffy pillow before the fire, turned into her Fox and laid down in it, I followed her example of course and laid next to her.
Xxxxx
The day after Yule, Lilly and I sat in the dungeon at Grimmauld Place on a lazy chair, with hot cocoa in our hands, suddenly the dungeon in front of us lit up and a Phoenix flamed inside the cage we prepared. Dumbledore came along for the ride. With a few spells, all his wands and Portkeys landed in front of me, and the old man got frozen.
Lilly stored the Elder wand, and examined Fawkes: "I knew it! That bastard made Fawkes into a Horcrux! Kreacher! A Draught of the Living Death, please! Make it two!"
We delivered Dumbledore to the DMLE and Fawkes to Gringotts to be dispelled. Dumbledore didn't make it to his trial, Fawkes made sure of that, what remained of him was a small pile of ash.
At New Year, I gave Lilly a Snog. I should not have done that, a golden glow surrounded us and we disappeared.
When the glow faded, we stood in the ritual chamber of my home surrounded by Dumbledore's stooges.
LEVEL SIX SUCCESSFULLY COMPLETED
"Welcome, Heroes" I heard the old goat say.