Chapter 21

***chapter contains rape***

.

"How far along?" Fin asked. Her sobs had finally quieted and the two of them now sat face to face on the small bed, him trying desperately to wrap his head around all that had been revealed.

"The doctor says twelve weeks..."

"You give any thought about what you wanna do?" he spoke softly, calmly in spite of the turmoil that was mangling him inside.

"Mission accomplished!" She could still hear Harlan's voice in her head.

"From the moment he made me take that test... I can't..." She stopped for a moment when her tears threatened to overtake her "I can't have this baby. I can't have a constant reminder..."

"Whatever you feel you need to do... I'll support you a hundred percent."

"I heard its heartbeat... I don't know why I did it, I don't know why I didn't say no but it has a heartbeat and it makes going through with what I have to do even more difficult"

"You think about other options?"

"My only other option would be to carry it to term and give it up – I can't keep it. But going through six more months of feeling it grow and then hearing it cry... God, I don't know how my mother was able to do it" she wept "I don't... She was so much stronger than I gave her credit for. All my life I judged her because of how she chose to fight her demons and now here I am... I've come to understand her demons more than I ever thought possible because they're my demons now too, and I don't know how I'm supposed to live with them"

"It's not gonna be easy, regardless of what you decide" he spoke softly as he handed her more tissues. She thanked him and wiped her runny nose before swatting away her tears with the back of her hand.

"There were days... Days upon days where I begged god to let me miscarry. I prayed that Harlan would hit me hard enough, or kick me hard enough… or that I'd fall hard enough after he'd knock me down"

Fin stood up and slowly walked across the room to the window. He exhaled a deep silent breath as he looked up at the late afternoon sun, his hands angrily curling into fists, and again, he couldn't stop the tears that fell from his eyes as rage shook him from the inside.

"Fin, I'm sorry" he heard Olivia apologize in a small voice from her bed. It hurt her to see that Fin was hurting.

"Sorry for what?" he asked, quickly wiping his tears as he turned to face her.

"For that… I've unloaded so much on you and I…" in a second he was beside her again

"No! You don't even let yourself think that way, you hear me? I don't want you to shut down and shut everybody out. I don't want you to struggle with this on your own because of pride, or guilt, or shame- whatever the hell it is that makes you bottle things up… this is too much for you to carry on your own and I'm not gonna let you. Hell, I'm already in this deep, might as well stay" he half-joked with a smile and surprisingly got one – albeit small, in return.

"Baby girl, I'm here. I know I fucked up and I let you handle too much of that shit with Junior on your own but I will not let that happen this time around. You and me, we been a constant for each other through a whole lot of shit… you don't worry about me, you give me as much as you feel you need to, I'll carry it, you have to let me be here for you. I love you; we all love you" he said as he pulled her into his arms and she threw hers around him, too overcome with emotion to even speak so she just cried for a moment before pulling away.

"I don't… I don't think I'm ready for everyone to know… I don't think I ever will be. I just, I feel so overwhelmed; El is here, wanting to fix things… Brian is doing the same"

"El misses his friend and has a lot to tell you, Brian finally realized how bad he messed up when he let you go and all he's talked about these last three months is making it right"

"That's just it… I can't… I know that they mean well but I just… I don't mean to be selfish, I don't want to be but I don't have the stamina to help either of them assuage the guilt they feel over whatever went wrong between us, I can't do it, Fin." She sobbed

"I get it"

"It's barely been two days since… and they're already asking of me and I don't have anything to give right now I'm just…" she wiped her nose with the back of her hand before wiping her tears away and taking a deep breath that she blew out slowly.

"That's it, just breathe" He coached, holding her hand and softly rubbing her back. "It's gonna be okay. You don't wanna see El and Brian right now, I'll make sure of it"

"Could you? I just can't deal with…"

"Consider it done."

"Can I ask something else of you?"

"Anything." Olivia was about to speak when there was a knock at the door. She quickly dried what was left of her tears and ran a hand through her hair.

"Come in" she called. The door slowly opened and in walked a young man carrying a huge arrangement of yellow roses and white hyacinth. Olivia looked to Fin, unsure of exactly who this person was.

"Sergeant Benson" he said nervously as the door shut behind him.

"Sam, you made it. Fin said as her got up to greet the young man and shook his hand. Suddenly feeling anxious, Olivia pulled the covers up tighter against her and held them to her chest.

"Yes Sir. I tried to get here sooner but my dad had stops to make." He apologized

"It's okay" Fin assured him before turning to Liv "Liv this is Sam Taylor, he's the one who found you and brought you here. Sam, this is Sergeant Benson"

"Please, just Olivia" she said as he extended his hand but she just stared briefly, her anxiety rising as she looked away. There was something familiar about the young man that unnerved her and she couldn't put her finger on it.

"It's nice to formally meet you Olivia" Sam smiled. He wasn't offended at the snub, understanding that after whatever ordeal she'd run away from, she had every right to be chary and withdrawn. "I um… I brought you these" he said of the flowers still in his arms.

"My mom said the yellow roses mean well wishes and the white hyacinth means prayers for you. We thought you could use both.

"That's very sweet of you, thank you, Sam." She was ingratiated at the gesture and offered a smile as best she could.

"You're welcome ma'am- Olivia… I'm just gonna sit these here" he said as he sat the vase down on the table by the small sofa then stood nervously stuffing his hands into his pockets.

Olivia looked to Fin who stood by the door, unmoving and it gave her comfort. There was no way he was leaving her alone, even with this seemingly harmless young man.

"Sam… I'm sorry if I seem…"

"No, please it's okay, you don't need to apologize. I'm just glad that you'll be okay. I mean, you will be, right?"

"I'm doing a lot better and I wanna thank you" she began, finally forcing herself to look at the young man and again finding herself unnerved. But why? "If you hadn't found me… if you hadn't helped me… it's kind of hard believing in goodness right now but you've shown that it does exist and I… thank you for everything. I'm forever indebted."

"You're welcome but no need to thank me, I was just doing the right thing" Olivia continued to study Sam's face as he spoke to her.

"The doctor told me that you stayed, called the police and wouldn't leave until you knew I'd be okay and even then you wouldn't go until my friends got here." she nervously picked at the bandage on her wrist. Was it his smile, the slope of his nose? What was it about him? Fin noticed how agitated she'd become and it worried him.

"I couldn't stand the thought of you being alone" Sam said

"Well, you went above and beyond doing the right thing. If there's anything I can I ever do for you…"

"No, my dad says doing the right thing is reward in itself. I just, it's hard to believe Sheriff Holmes. I've know the man almost my whole life, he and my dad are good friends and my dad's been kicking himself because he never knew that you were in that house… He and my mom both asked me to tell you how sorry they are. Anyway, I should get going. It was nice meeting you Olivia."

"You too, Sam"

"Detective Tutuola…" he and Fin again shook hands

"We're all indebted to you. I'll be in touch" Fin said as Sam opened the door to leave.

"Sam" Olivia called to him. He quickly turned to look back at her, his tall, lithe body half in, half out the room. You said your dad didn't know I was inside the house… had he been there while…?"

"Yeah, a few times, Doc and him were old buddies"

"Doc?" Olivia asked in a terror-filled whisper

"My dad… he used to be a doctor so everyone in town calls him Doc. I wanted to bring him to introduce you but he didn't think you'd be up for meeting anyone. Anyway, I gotta go, you take care." But Olivia didn't hear his goodbye.

"Good thing I came back when I did and even better that the good old doc here ain't have a chance to get far..."

"Liv..." Fin called, noticing how far away she looked.

"You remember old Doc, don't ya? He sure enjoyed you last night!"

"Olivia?" Fin called again with more urgence. She had begun trembling as her breathing became erratic.

"Don't worry, it'll be fun... Don't tie her down..." He didn't want the restraints. He knew that she was too weak and he wanted to fight her, wanted to force her if she did give resistance but she couldn't. They'd raped her the entire night; for the second time, done things so sick and so depraved that she'd tried to kill herself after and she was so weak and in so much pain, she could do nothing but beg him not to - beg while she felt his hands and mouth on her. Kissing, sucking and squeezing places that had been made raw from so many mouths and hands that night and then using his dick and fingers to penetrate places that were equally raw, swollen and bleeding from being grotesquely abused.

"Please don't... Please..."

"Please... Please... Stop... Please, you're hurting me! PLEASE!" she screamed as tears streaked her face suddenly realizing where she was and seeing Fin in front of of her heartbroken with fear in his eyes but he wasn't afraid of her; he was afraid for her. During her flashback she'd began hurting herself while screaming at whatever was in her head and he'd tried to stop her. As a result he was now sporting the same bloody scratches across his face that she'd given Brian except Fin's forearms were bleeding as well, deep claw marks embedded that poured blood... Just like the ones that now adorned her own arms.

.

See you all next time.