A/N:

I'm so happy and relieved you liked the previous chapter! It wasn't easy to write, but I'm glad I take the extra time to make the chapters live up to their potential for your enjoyment and your encouragement make it worth it!

Title: Origins: Living in my Future

Author: MarieCarro

Beta: Alice's White Rabbit

Pre-reader: BitterHarpy and brierlynn03

Genre: Supernatural/Mystery

Rating: NC-17

Summary: Mary Alice Brandon had always been different. She seemed to know things that had yet to happen, and the people in town avoided her at all costs. But the cries of 'Witch' or whispers of 'Changeling' wasn't her biggest concern. Someone much closer to her than the townsfolk couldn't accept her differences, and it put her in life-threatening danger.

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

CHAPTER 22

FRIDAY, DECEMBER 31st 1948 – SATURDAY, JANUARY 1st 1949

"Are you certain you're okay with this?" I asked again, and I could see the quick glimmer of annoyance flashing through Jasper's brickwall-orange eyes before he reached for me with an easy smile.

"Yes, Alice, I'm sure. It's gettin' easier every day to be around humans, and this place isn't nearly as grand as the hotel we spent our first night together in. I'll be fine."

I didn't want to be an annoying gnat, but I couldn't help it when my visions didn't provide me with the reassurance I needed to stay calm. They had been unusually dormant lately—Jasper's theory was that it was because we were on the exact path we were supposed to be on, and while I loved his optimism, I wasn't quite as sure—and not knowing if we were headed for disaster or not understandably put me on edge.

Jasper had been doing exceptionally well as we continued to travel across all of the northern states, visiting places he'd heard of as a child but never thought in his wildest dreams he'd get to see. We studied the world together, learning about history and modern inventions, all the while he slowly acclimated to his new animal-blood diet.

We were yet to make a solid decision on actually joining my family in Philadelphia or not because Jasper said he wanted to know if he really could be a vegetarian long-term before that possibility, and I respected that. But I was very hopeful of the outcome because he'd only killed a couple humans in the last three months, and not because he lost control but because he couldn't quit cold turkey.

Tonight was the first time since we met that we had checked into a rather fancy hotel, and I didn't want him to feel forced into accepting the situation just because I'd wanted it, and that was why I was repeating the same questions over and over again.

Was he okay with it?

Did he feel nervous about being surrounded by humans in every direction?

Was he feeling forced? If he wanted to, we could leave immediately.

The only reason we were there was because I'd told him in passing how special it would be for us to spend our first New Year's Eve somewhere we could see and participate in the celebrations without arousing any suspicion. He had immediately insisted on traveling to a larger city, hence why we were in Boston and the Presidential Suite at the Fairmont Copley Plaza and said he wanted me to have my wish.

I'd always known there was more to him than the strategic, military persona he donned for most of his life, but experiencing his sweetness firsthand, and how naturally it came to him, was beyond what I could have imagined him to be.

"I'm sorry," I said as I sat down on the sofa in the living room area, hanging my head in shame for being so overbearing.

Jasper immediately crouched down in front of me and raised my chin with his fingers. "Don't do that. I don't want to see you sad. I know your worry comes from a lovin' and carin' place."

I gently touched his arm with my hand. "I don't want you to think I don't trust you."

He gave me a half-shrug and a small smirk. "I wouldn't fault you if you didn't."

"I trust you with my life," I insisted passionately. "With my heart, my mind, my body, and my soul."

"I know you do." Jasper smiled and leaned forward until his lips softly captured mine in a sweet kiss. "But you're not the one in danger in this situation," he continued once he pulled back. "And I understand your apprehension. I'm not angry with you for wantin' to be cautious."

"Only annoyed with me," I pointed out playfully, my smile and soothed worry making it clear I wasn't hurt by his earlier display.

"I love bein' annoyed by you," he instantly replied before giving me another, deeper kiss that made me want to forget about any New Year's celebration and just spend the entire night in bed with him. But, alas, he once again pulled away. "Now, how about we do what we came here for and get cleaned up before findin' us a spot where we can watch the fireworks at the stroke of midnight?"

With a smile, I nodded, and he took hold of my hand, leading me to the lavish en-suite so we could take a shower. I couldn't help but reminisce about that first night together in Philadelphia and how jittery, nervous, and filled with lust I'd been when Jasper had taken a shower and played with my emotions, pushing me to almost joining him.

Neither of us was ready for the intensity of our relationship then, but now, there wasn't even a second thought as we began to undress each other and stepped under the spray of hot water.

Jasper's hands reverently touched every inch of my skin as he insisted on being the one to wash me, and I loved every second of it, even when it wasn't sexual because it was far more intimate than that. His deft fingers massaged my scalp with perfect pressure and distributed the shampoo through my short lengths to remove the products I'd used to style it.

"May I ask a question?" he said after the shower as he squeezed the moisture out of my hair. "You don't have to answer if you don't want to."

I grimaced in confusion over his apprehension. "I've told you I won't keep secrets from you. What is it?"

"I'm still adjustin' to this decade and century, and I know a lot of things have changed, but I have wondered about your hair. Was it very fashionable to wear it short durin' the decade you were changed? I'm only askin' because you're the first woman I've encountered with hair as short as yours."

"It was definitely fashionable, but I don't think it was my choice to cut it," I replied, and there was a clear pang of mourning as I imagined what my hair could have looked like before the disastrous cut I'd woken up with. "Obviously, I don't know if I ever wore it long, but when I awoke, it was very uneven and haphazardly cut as if it had been done in a rush with dull scissors. I had no choice but to make it even shorter."

"What do you think happened?"

"I can only guess, but I'm quite convinced I was held somewhere against my will simply based on the state I was in." Jasper's jaw clenched as a small wave of anger pushed its way into my consciousness, and I found it sweet he was feeling protective of the Alice he hadn't even known. "But I don't mind my hair. If it bothered me, I could easily get myself a few wigs, but the style's grown on me." I reached up and placed a reassuring hand on his cheek. "Really, I'm fine with it. I can't mourn what I can't remember, right?"

He smiled, but there remained a trace of sadness for me and my lost past. "You are such an amazing creature. Every day, you remind me not to focus on the negative and fall into despair. Thank you."

I stood up on my toes to reach his lips with my own. "Loving you is what keeps my spirit up," I whispered and wound my arms around his neck, inviting him to lift me off the ground as he often did when we kissed.

"I really do love you, Alice," he said. "There's not a bone in my body that doubts it anymore."

"Good."

Midnight was approaching, and I could tell that all the humans' excitement was affecting Jasper in a positive way because his eyes were almost glowing, and yet I couldn't detect even a hint of thirst in them.

He was perfectly in control as he pulled me through the crowds, taking extra precautions to make sure we didn't bump into any unsuspecting people and bruising them and always maintaining a pace that wasn't too fast.

A few fireworks had already been set off, and the colors were stunning as they lit up the black sky, making the stars fade into the background.

Jasper found us a spot that separated us from the humans and yet kept us close enough to share in their anticipation.

I looked around the crowds, at the happy faces, their noses and cheeks tinted red from the cold air, and I smiled at all the hope they displayed; hope for new beginnings, a new start, for the chance to fall in love again, or fulfillment.

My time on earth wasn't as short as a human's, so the pressure to succeed in certain areas of life wasn't as heavy, but I could still relate to their hope. A part of me wanted to regret that I never really bothered to celebrate the new year before I found Jasper, but I still refused to be sad about it because it felt nice to know that it could become a tradition he and I shared.

Now, he placed his arm around my shoulders and hugged me tight to his side, and I happily snuggled close to him as the crowds began to count down.

He looked at me, a content and loving smile adorning his lips. "Happy New Year, darlin'. May it only be the first of many."

The clock struck twelve … and I was seized with a vision. I froze in place as it played out, and I was helpless against it.

"Alice?"

"No," I breathed out, then blinked, but there was no time for me to change anything because it was already happening, and Jasper knew it too.

He sensed him before we could see him, and he tensed up as he instinctively placed himself in front of me, mostly shielding me with his own body against our approaching threat.

The stranger was young, but not in the physical sense. He must've been in his late thirties or older when he was changed, but he couldn't have passed his one-year mark as his jittery energy indicated.

"You're invading my territory," he snarled, showing us every glistening tooth in his mouth.

I prepared myself to speak and tell the newborn that we didn't hunt humans, but Jasper stopped me before I could even open my mouth.

"We weren't aware it had been claimed," he said. "But Boston's a big city, so we can go somewhere else."

The newborn narrowed his eyes angrily when he heard Jasper's accent, but even with all of his scars plainly visible, the man didn't make the connection—or perhaps he didn't have any knowledge of it—to the Southern Wars. "I'm not big on sharing, so I think you'd do best to go back to where you belong."

"It wasn't our intention to intrude," I said before I realized bringing attention to myself was the catalyst for my vision. The newborn's eyes immediately zeroed in on me partially hidden behind Jasper's elbow, then he smiled condescendingly and crouched down, and it was as if someone had poured kerosene on an open flame.

"For your own good, I suggest you take your eyes off of her," Jasper growled. His body language would've appeared unguarded and non-confrontational to anyone who didn't know him, but he was ready to strike at the first sign that the newborn decided to attack, as was evident by his red-orange eyes turned onyx black with rage.

I didn't want him to revisit his dark past, so I silently tugged on his arm, hoping he would get the message that we should just leave.

The newborn had no idea how much lethal danger he was in, and his inexperience gave him a false sense of confidence in his own strength. Most likely, other vampires he'd encountered in the past had been newborns themselves, and he'd come out as the victor.

If a fight broke out, that wouldn't be the case this time. I'd already seen it.

I threw a glance over my shoulder at the crowd of oblivious humans. We were far enough away that they didn't pay us any attention, but I was still worried about the consequences if anyone was accidentally caught up in our confrontation.

Any amount of human blood spilled in this situation could lead to a disastrous feeding frenzy between all three of us.

"I've yet to lose a fight, scarface," the newborn taunted. "You don't want to take me on and risk the safety of that pretty little skirt of yours."

It all happened faster than I could even comprehend. The words had barely left the newborn's mouth before Jasper had him pushed into the shadows and in a subdued position.

"Jasper, please, you don't have to do this!" I called out, but he didn't hear me, and I knew it was in vain. My vision was playing out, and it wouldn't end without death.

"I could've let you live," he hissed through clenched teeth into the newborn's ear. His energy reminded me of pure darkness, and a surge of irrational fear of him shot through me. "It wouldn't have mattered either way to me, but you threatened my one reason to live, and for that, you'll die."

I had to look away when Jasper started to brutally dismember the newborn with such ease and expertise. It was the first time I'd seen the death of another vampire outside of my visions, and it affected me a lot more than I thought it would. Especially when he didn't hesitate to individually light every body part on fire and discard them in a nearby waste bin.

Everything was over even before the midnight celebrations had calmed down, and I watched as Jasper—now covered with a fine layer of soot—passed me, his head bent down and his step heavy as he steered his way back to our hotel.

I followed him through the crowds that we'd shared happiness with just a couple minutes earlier but didn't say anything, even as we entered our room and he disappeared into the bathroom alone. His emotions were muted, as if he was intentionally pushing any feelings down and away, and I wanted nothing more than to go after him, give him a hug, and reassure him that everything was okay.

Finally, after what felt like an eternity, Jasper appeared in the doorway, the soot washed from his hair and back in the clothes he'd worn when we checked in.

"Are you okay?" I asked softly when he didn't even acknowledge my presence.

"I need a minute," he replied, still not looking at me. "I'm takin' a walk."

"By yourself?"

"I'll be fine," he insisted, but I wasn't convinced.

There were no concerning visions, yet my gift had just proven how unreliable it could be. We'd both assumed everything would be fine because there had been no visions before we left the hotel. We'd been caught by surprise, and it could happen again.

"It's not safe," I murmured, hoping he didn't interpret the worry I felt for him as me not trusting him.

He squared his shoulders and looked into my eyes for the briefest moment. "Don't worry about me. I'll be back soon."

I wanted to tell him to go ahead. I wanted to tell him I trusted him, and that I wasn't worried, but that would have all been a lie. His downhearted demeanor was another cause as to why I decided to go with him.

"I can't let you go alone," I said. He needed to know that I wasn't blaming him.

He stiffened for a moment, then nodded. I followed him out the door in silence.

We walked for a while without saying anything, ending up by the harbor, and I couldn't help but glance at him every so often. The darkness that briefly possessed him when he faced the newborn was gone, but it had left him looking hollow and tired.

Eventually, he turned to meet my gaze.

"I'm fine, Alice."

"I'm sorry," I said sincerely. "I'm just worried."

"You have every right to be worried," he said, and then furrowed his brows, settling them low over his eyes. "But it's okay. I … put a lid on it, so to speak."

The truth in his words couldn't be denied, but I still tread carefully. "I don't blame you for what you did back there. Please know that," I said, not just saying it with my words but my feelings as well.

"I know … I know." He paused to gaze out over the waters, the night wind ruffling his beautiful blond hair.

"None of this is your fault," I continued. I needed to get that message across to him.

He grabbed a streetlight so tightly, his knuckles strained, and the metal began to warp.

"Jasper ..." I said softly and put one hand over his. He realized what he was doing and stepped back.

"I must truly seem like a monster to you now."

I was shaking my head before the entire sentence had left his lips. "I would never think that. You're not a monster. You were just protecting us."

"I certainly feel like one. I didn't have to kill him, but I did." He crossed his arms. "I don't even know how you can stand to be near me."

"I'm here because I want to be. Because I love you," I said passionately and grabbed his arms, forcing him to uncross them. "Because I don't fear you. I just … fear the hold she still has on you."

He winced, but then sighed. "That makes two of us," he mumbled through gritted teeth. "I ..."

I waited patiently for him to finish and to find the words.

"I don't want to lose myself like that again," he finally whispered, the words so quiet I almost didn't hear them.

I stepped closer and gently placed my hand on his cheek. He flinched the tiniest bit, not quite regressed to how he was when we'd just met, but it had been months since he reacted to my touch like that, and it hurt, but I didn't show it. "What do you mean by 'lose yourself'? Is that what happens when you attack?"

He swallowed. "Yes. It's almost like an instinct, one that I've tried to lock away since I left. Maria used it, used me, for her plans. I was her soldier; her executioner. If she told me to kill, I killed. I slaughtered, often without thought. She allowed me to sink to my baser urges, to become nothin' but her beast." He looked away from me, as if ashamed. "I hated myself for it, grew to hate her for it, but I couldn't ignore the pleasure I felt when I let myself turn into that monster. Ignore how good it feels to kill in that manner … no emotions, no conflicts … just instinct."

"Jasper ..."

"I'm scared, Alice," he said and finally looked back at me. "I'm scared of how easy it was to slip back into it."

His eyes shone in the moonlight, and I reached for him, wrapping my arms around him and holding him tight against me.

"You're not doing this alone," I vowed. "I'm here for you no matter what."

Ever so slowly, he wrapped his arms around me. "I'm scared of myself, darlin'. I don't completely know what I'm capable of. What if love won't stop me, and I end up hurtin' you?"

"I know you well enough to know you'd never do that," I said into the fabric of his shirt.

"Maria never wanted me to hold back. I did … so many terrible things. I killed so many just like that newborn."

I leaned away from our embrace. "That wasn't you. That was Maria working through you. You left her because you didn't want to do it anymore. I trust you, I love you, and I know you'll find inner peace one day. As soon as you've left her behind, once and for all."

Jasper took a deep breath and pulled away completely. He gently ran his fingers down my cheek. It was hard to believe those same fingers had just recently torn every body part off another vampire.

"I hope you're right, Alice."

A/N:

My beta and dear friend said Jasper reminds her a lot of Edward in the end of this chapter, and it's true. He is very self-loathing in this, and it's to be expected. He's got a lot of demons in his past, and he's fighting to find his own, real identity.

He was with Maria for so long and she pushed her beliefs, and her agenda to him until he no longer felt like his own person.

Alice is his salvation, and she will always be there for him. Will always listen and give the support she can.

This was a dark moment for Jasper, but things will turn around.

Tomorrow, there will be another fated meeting ;)

Until then,

Stay Awesome!