Back with a new chapter, 32. I won't take up your time with talk so let's get to it. Enjoy!

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"We found him like this." The warden informed the cops who came into the prison upon hearing about Doc's murder.

"How in the hell?" Arlow said upon looking at the gross, bleeding man or former man, that lay in bed, his face a mask of the horrors he suffered until his last breath. Arlow couldn't help but smile inside at the abhorrence that lay before him while shuddering at the gruesomeness of it.

"...signs of sexual abuse, glass high in the anal cavity...this guy suffered. Looks like an exploded stomach but we'll know more when we autopsy." The coroner said.

"One more thing to tell Sergeant Benson and the wife; maybe this will bring them some peace…" Arlow said.

"Goin somewhere, darlin?" Harlan said before he threw her across the room then before she could get up, he grabbed her by the neck and pulled her up.

"No, let me go!" She begged.

"But we ain't even get to the fun part!" He said and kissed her mouth, hard. She tried fighting but her efforts didn't phase him and he pinned her against the wall still grasping her neck and ripped the gown away from her body.

"Please don't-"

"Shut it!" He said before he turned her around so that she was facing the wall and before she could utter another word, he forced himself inside her began thrusting mercilessly, taking her breath with each intrusion.

"Looky here, we got us a bleeder!" He said and put a finger down to taste her blood. "Every part of you tastes like sunshine!" with an evil laugh as he continued his assault, taking her without mercy until he came, then allowing her to collapse to the floor in tears, blood and semen running down her legs.

"Look at that; you done gone and messed my dick! I think I'm gon need you to clean it up for me!"

Her baby's kicking was what pulled her out of the dream and none too soon. She had already broken out into a sweat as she unconsciously fought against the monster in her dream and amidst her hard breathing she struggled with her large belly to sit upright in her bed; suddenly being drawn to a stinging feeling and noticing that her forearm was covered in fresh scratches along with the old bruises, some of which were still in a state of healing.

10:13PM was what the clock said as she sent her hand over her stomach, rubbing soothing circles to calm her baby. "It's okay!" She whispered, more to herself than her baby. "It's okay…they can't hurt you." She uttered again but broke into tears in spite of her reassurances.

"Liv...you okay in there?" Elliot called from the other side of the door that was ajar. He had stayed, not wanting to leave her alone after hearing about Doc even though she assured him that she was okay, yet still, he knew even if she couldn't say, she needed someone here and so it wasn't the usual pulling teeth to get her to say yes.

"I'm okay" she lied, wiping her tears. "I just...have to pee!" She said.

"You sure?"

"Yeah, I'll be fine." She said, then took a long pause "Hey El?" He stuck his head in the door.

"yeah"

"Will you lay with me?" Her eyes were filled with tears that she couldn't make go away so she stopped trying and he didn't say a word, he simply came over and got in, gently pulling her against him and wrapping her in his arms as she lay against his chest.

"Better?"

"Yeah…" She said, tears running down her face as she cried silently against him. "Better"

Dr. Lindstrom's office, a week later.

"...I'm trying to feel stronger, and I do with a lot of things but I just...when I'm alone, and it's dark I dream about it…" She wiped her tears and Lindstrom handed her the box of tissues from which she took several. "Harlan mainly… reliving…" She stopped when it became too much to continue and she let her tears flow.

"It's alright."

"It's not…" She said with her head down as she rubbed her stomach. "It's been four months and I just feel like I'm out of control, you know? Doc and Harlan are both gone so I should be…it should bring me peace knowing that they're dead but instead I'm struggling to understand why and nothing makes sense anymore so why should this, I'm just…" She cried.

"You have a lot more to deal with this time around. Multiple assaults; assailants. You're working through these things and also preparing for a baby… One you didn't plan on."

"I still don't know if I made the right decision… I mean would it be the worst thing if I gave her up?"

"Tell me what you're thinking."

"I don't know. I know that I love her but I just don't know if I'm strong enough to do this; in spite of everyone telling me what a great job I'll do, all I keep hearing these last almost 3 months is Brian's voice telling me I can't and he's the one I believe."

"And why do you suppose it is, that you believe him out of everyone?"

"Because part of me still loves him."

Over at 1PP, Brian was in interrogation of an officer for the last 6 hours when they finally got to the truth out of the guy. Now came the part where legal delegates and such took over, but his part of the job was done and he couldn't get out of there fast enough.

"Hey Cassidy, you in for drinks tonight?" His co-worker, Mike said as he came into his office where Brian was gathering his things to cut out for the day before Tucker gave him something else to do.

"Uh, nah. I'm just gonna go home and relax...next time though." and he continued putting files in his bag.

"What's up man, got some hot ass to get to?"

"No man, come on. Just tired, that's all" which was true.

"Yeah, alright, but I'm gonna hold you to it for next time!"

"Alright man, I promise." He told Mike before he departed. Ever since that day that Munch had come to his apartment over a week ago he's felt drained, like all of his energy was somehow tied up in the reckless way he had been living but when Munch put it on blast it just… Suffice it to say, after the old man leaving, he never did join his paramour in bed, in fact he threw her out with a half promise that he would call her sometime. Well sometime came and went 9 days ago and he hadn't contacted her or any of them, hasn't even had a drink. He's just stayed home and tried to straighten out his head.

Oh god… Ohhh god… Brian! He still remembered the way Olivia went crazy the last time they made love; the way she drove him crazy. They had each other going all night long, each completely draining the other and falling asleep in each other's arms and he remembered thinking as he fell asleep, how could I let her go?

He wanted them back and if that meant giving her the one thing she had ever asked for, he could live with it, he could more than live with it. He could give her a child; children and he could be happy; he had lived that life long enough of having no cares, maybe it was time. Besides, he remembered a time years ago when that was all he wanted...Olivia and a family but times change and the years turned him into a different person than who he used to be but when he found his way back, it took losing her a second time to make him see but she wanted no part of it so she said; dodged him for a whole week and then their whole world fell apart; worse than Billy. Far worse. And when they'd found her after three months; he thought his prayers had been answered and they were, but god had played a trick because in between her pushing him away, she had a secret that nobody knew and when he finally found out…

"You blew it!" He said as he picked up his bag and coat and turned off the light in his office before closing the door and heading out.

2 floors up…

"How've you been?" The commissioner asked as Olivia sat down.

"I'm getting there…" she said.

"Well you look good, pregnancy agrees with you!" He smiled.

"Thank you...for the well wishes and flowers too, but to be honest, I don't understand why you wanted to see me." She expressed as she fidgeted with her hands.

"My best SVU detective, I wanted to see how you were coming along."

"I appreciate that but you could've done that by phone...do we have business to attend to about the settlement?"

"No no, nothing like that. The settlement is all clear. Can I get you anything?"

"Just water please. So why am I really here?" He laughed lightly.

"Never did mince words!" He said as he handed her a glass and she thanked him and took a sip. "How would you feel about coming back to work?" He said as he sat down in the chair beside her. She went silent as the water went down wrong and she cleared her throat.

"I… I hadn't really thought about it… Not to say that I hadn't not thought about it but I… well I just assumed that when the department gave me that settlement that it was also my walking papers."

"You wouldn't be out working cases; there's your condition and other issues so it would be administrative for the time being but you're too much of an asset both to SVU and to the department and if I can say so, to me. I know what you've been through is...it's beyond horrifying and maybe I'm wrong, maybe the last thing you want is to be anywhere near SVU; but in spite of everything, I don't see that and FYI, you wouldn't be given walking papers unless you requested them."

"Sir, honestly, as good as it is to know; I don't know what I want… I'm pretty much just trying to keep breathing right now."

"I understand and please, don't feel as if you have to answer me now. You've been through it and I want you to take as much time as you feel you need to readjust, even if it's after the baby. But I just wanted to let you know that there's always a place for you here Olivia. Even if it's not at SVU!"

Elevator…

Damnit! Tucker caught him on his way out so there goes his day. He does this to torture me! Brian thought as he waited for the elevator to reach the lobby. Another case involving a scumbag cop that has to be looked into right now; like where's the guy gonna go between now and tomorrow morning?

"Douche!" He said in regards to Tucker just as the elevator stopped on the ground floor and he stepped out. Is that Olivia?

"Hey, you ready?" Fin said.

"Yeah, can we stop for cinnamon rolls?" He hadn't seen her since that day at the hospital 2 and ½ months ago...she looked good. He wondered what she was doing here.

"Between cinnamon rolls and pimento loaf…" Fin said and laughed.

She always hated that stuff when we were together. Brian thought, smiling.

"Blame the baby!" She grinned.

"So what did they want with you?"

"Uh, I'll tell you in the cab." She said and they left while Brian looked on.

In the Hamptons two days later…

"Would you prefer a turkey, or a duck for thanksgiving?" Bronwyn asked Harlan. She'd almost caught him with the housekeeper when she'd arrived from the city this morning but Harlan was quick and got off a crying Myra and in bed before Bronwyn entered the house, leaving Myra with a load of his semen in her panties and in serious pain with a threat that he'd call immigration if she breathed one word. Scared of what Mr. Lewis would do, she wiped her face and smiled when Mrs. Lewis came through the door. Now he was just thinking what he'd do to her next time when Bronwyn left them alone.

"What?"

"A turkey or a duck? You do know that thanksgiving is a week away; and it's our very first one together as a family. I thought it'd be special for little Harlan!" She said as she rubbed her belly.

"I don't really give a fuckin goddamn just as long as we eat...speakin of eatin, you know what I want?"

"What is that?" She had her attention averted by a stain that was almost under the bed, on the floor.

"What the hell you goin on about?"

"Is that…" She dipped her finger in it to feel, then smelled and tasted it. "This is semen! What on earth is semen doing on the floor of this bedroom Harlan?"

"Watch that damn tone, woman!" He roared and she backed down quickly, suddenly not feeling so bold.

"I'm sorry...I just meant…"

"You just meant to close yer damn mouth is what you meant to do!" He said as he got up in her face. "You damn women are all alike; wanna control every damn thing! Well I told you once, Harlan Lewis cannot be controlled!"

"You're walking?"

"Damn right I am, and ya know what else?"

"Harlan, you're scaring the baby!"

"Fuck this baby! You told me that you were on the pill, how did you get pregnant huh? Whatcha tryna do, compete?"

"I don't…"

"You damn well know what I mean; you had to get one cuz Olivia got one! I told you that that couldn't happen!"

"It was an accident...I thought you'd be happy!" She cried.

"You thought wrong! I want one baby, ONE, and that's Olivia's! That's the baby you s'pose to be raisin; ONE BABY!"

"Would it be so bad to have two?" She said quietly and afraid, rubbing her belly. This only made him angrier and he grabbed her neck, pulling her close so she knew he was serious.

"I'm gonna tell you this one time so I hope you are listenin: I don't care how you do it but I want this little bastard GONE!" He huffed and she was crushed.

"You don't mean that!" she said with tears in her eyes.

"DO I FUCKIN LOOK LIKE I'M KIDDIN? You got one week; one fuckin week to get rid of it!"

"Harlan…"

"One week, understood?" Her heart broke. She didn't want to do what he was asking...said, but what else could she do? Harlan was her everything; what would she do without him? It was with this in mind that even though she loved this baby with all her heart, she gave in to Harlan.

"Understood sir." She said almost silently.

"At a girl" He said and pulled her to him in a smoldering kiss that left her weak in a fit of lust. "How bout you get down an give daddy's dick some attention?" He said as he traced her nipple through her dress and pulled it. She was gone.

"Yes daddy!" Was the last thing she said before she got on her knees and freed him from his pants.

She closed her eyes and forced herself to breathe through the disgust she felt, waiting for it to end. Harlan's hands were greedily rubbing harshly at her breasts and shoving its fingers deep inside her, twisting hard and she bit her lip to fight back the sob that choked her.

"Still fightin it baby?" He said, inserting more fingers and pushing deeper. She turned away, trying to take the pain, trying to breathe through it but it was too much and she screamed…

That's when she woke up on the couch with a start; again with the baby kicking like crazy and she immediately sat up, her eyes full of tears that she quickly wiped away. She was going through something she didn't understand but she knew that she wanted to be left alone. She needed time just to think and of course, everyone thought she'd do better with them around but they understood and stayed away. She'd gone and gotten the amniocentesis done yesterday and she was just afraid of what the test would say. She wasn't a young woman and she didn't know if Harlan… she wanted to not think about him but how wondered if it would ever be possible.

"If only." She thought as there was a knock at the door.

She stood there for a moment after looking through her peephole, genuinely shocked to see him at her door. She hadn't talked to him in almost three months so why is he here now? She wondered as she bit her nail, a habit she'd formed during her time with Harlan that she was trying to break.

"Brian, if you've come just to tell me how stupid I'm being, please save it!" She said through the door without opening it. There was a long pause before...

"I didn't… I just; look, can I come in? I feel silly talking to you through a door!"

She stood there a moment, unresponsive.

"Liv?"

Taking a deep breath, she unlocked the door and let him in and though he didn't mean to, his eyes went straight to her belly, staring as she locked the door.

"Is that what you came here for, to gawk at it?" She asked and turned to go into the living room.

"No, I… Liv…" He said, following her. "I'm just...it's weird seeing you after so long and now you're out there… You're really doing this huh?"

"Yeah, I guess I am" she said, again rubbing her stomach to soothe the baby who had again become active when Brian walked in. "Why are you here?" He took a seat at the other end of the couch before he spoke.

"To be honest? I don't know...but I know that the way I left things with you wasn't right and I… I've had some time to think about it; I had no right to say what I said to you" He said teary eyed. "The truth is, I haven't been...look I know that I messed up and I don't blame you if you hate me cuz I deserve it and I know it's not an excuse but…"

She looked down, her hand on her belly, still trying to calm the baby as she chewed her lip. "I'm going to be a mother and it's the most important thing I'll ever do and you made me doubt myself" she said quietly.

"It was the first time that I made a choice that I could be sure of with all of this madness…"

"And I can't tell you enough how bad I feel. Liv I've been drinking myself stupid because I didn't know how to handle this; any of it, and I know that's the last thing you wanna hear but it's the truth. And when I finally thought I could, I come to the hospital and I find out that you're pregnant...it was wrong but it was a shock and I didn't handle it well; but I never meant to hurt you, Liv and I'm so sorry!"

She sat there and didn't say anything. The baby was doing cartwheels in her womb and she was so full of emotion that she just sat there and cried.

"She's not bad. She's my baby and she's not bad or evil or any of the things her father is…"

"I know that now"

"She's my baby and I love her; I love her and I thought about giving her up because you made me doubt that I could be the right thing for her and god I really wish that she'd calm down right now!" She said through her tears. Out of instinct, Brian got down in front of her and reached out, putting his hands on her belly.

"I never should have said what I did. Liv if there's anyone in this world who can love this child, I know it's you. You're gonna be a terrific mom and this kid is lucky; she's blessed to have you and I mean that!" He said as he looked into her eyes.

"You mean that?"

"Yeah, I mean let's face it, you were born to be a mom; you even got that pregnancy glow." He laughed, getting a small smile from Olivia.

"She stopped moving" she said.

"What do ya know; she did huh? I guess i got the magic touch!" He said as he sat with his hands on her belly. They got quiet for a moment, letting the muffled sounds of the city pass between them while they sat staring at each other when she abruptly pushed his hands away and reality snuck in, breaking the spell that had eased over them.

"I should go…" He said as he got up.

"Oh...yeah, I…" She wanted to tell him to that she didn't mean it personally, but she somehow found it harder than letting him leave and so she didn't bother. "Goodnight Brian."

"Goodnight Liv." He said and headed for the door, stopping halfway there. "Can I come by; you know, once in awhile? I know before, you weren't ready and if you're still not then...the truth is I really just need to be near you, I need to know that you're alright!"

"You still care?"

"I haven't been very good when it comes to how I've treated you; whether you know it or not. This thing...look I've had my time being stupid and I want to be here for you if you'll let me." She stood considering his words. Could she afford to let him back in?

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Will she? See you all with the next update!