Chapter 34, and not much to say except…no, just read.

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*Chapter contains rape*

Following Thanksgiving, Olivia had been fighting sickness all day, nausea, and a particularly brutal bout of it and after throwing up back and forth, the whole day she was weak and confined to bed, much against her wishes.

"Here you go…" Fin sat the mug of tea down beside her on the nightstand and she reached for it from where she sat in bed. "Careful, it's hot!"

"Thank you Fin." She said as she took a sip and sat it back down.

"No problem. How you feelin?" He said with a hand to her head, checking for fever.

"I'm okay, I don't have a fever" she laughed, brushing off his hand "I just wish the nausea would stop."

"I'm sorry baby girl, hey, are you sure you don't wanna go to the doctor?" He said, touching her belly.

"No, no El called her earlier, I'm not having any pain or fever and I'm staying hydrated as much as I can so I'm good. I'm glad you're here."

"Me too."

"Stay with me a while?"

"Anything for you!" He climbed into the bed with her and she snuggled into him while he held her protectively.

Three days later...

"Kathy… Why do you have to make this hard? I… no… Because I'm his father, that's why!" Elliot slid his hand down his face and dropped the phone from his ear, sighing loudly. God how he wanted to scream at this woman but he was in Olivia's apartment and knew that Olivia would probably revert even more if she heard him shouting.

"Kathy… Kathy… Your husband is not his...hello?" Kathy had hung up, leaving Elliot furious. He dialed her back and was met with voicemail that he hung up on, put the phone in his back pocket and threw his fist into the kitchen counter, breathing hard as he stood there beyond mad.

"El?" Olivia said. He looked to his right and she was standing there in her pajamas, scratching her stomach. "You okay?" She asked in a low voice.

"Yeah… What are you doing up? You should be resting."

"I'm fine, and I'm hungry." she said as she went into the kitchen and opened the fridge. "Plus, have you tried carrying one of these? I have to pee like every 10 minutes!"

"You sound more like yourself than you have the last week." He noticed. She closed the refrigerator, carrying a tub of strawberries and a package of pimento loaf to the couch and sitting down, propping her feet up.

"It comes and goes...and I feel like I'm crazy or bipolar." She said as she ate a strawberry.

"You're not crazy or bipolar" He said, sitting on the arm of the couch.

"So I didn't imagine you whisper-screaming at Kathy?" she said and bit into another berry that she wrapped in pimento loaf.

"That loud, huh?"

"Pretty loud, yeah."

"It's nothing for you to worry about, Kathy is just...she's not over me leaving and she's making things hard with Eli. I'm sorry, you don't need to hear about my issues."

"Elliot it's fine; it gives me something to think about other than…" He smiles.

"How is the little one?" He asked, rubbing her belly. For a moment she imagined that the baby had been conceived under much different circumstances; loving circumstances.

"Hmm, would ya look at that!" Harlan exclaimed as he held the test up for her to see "Mission accomplished!" she didn't allow a response because she just knew in her heart that fate wouldn't so cruel, even in spite of knowing that yes, it was EXACTLY that cruel...

She quickly caught herself and turned her attention back to Elliot, staring at him. "She's fine." She said suddenly and continued eating.

"Where'd you go?"

"Just..." He watched her for a minute before she gave up and instead gave a smile.

"You're a lot stronger than you know Liv. Just the fact that you called and asked me for help...you're gonna be okay; you just gotta trust it!"

"It's more than just about me, El, I'm having this baby and it scares the hell out of me and the closer I come to actually giving birth to her; the bigger she gets, it just makes it more real and I'm terrified."

"Liv, if you could see what I see...you are gonna be an incredible mom to this little girl."

"And what if I'm not? What if I screw her up worse than I am?"

"And what if you do great? Your mother didn't have a choice in her fate Liv but you do and you know what I've seen these last couple months? I've seen a woman who's been through hell but is determined to work through it and not let it hold her back; even resigning herself to raising the child that resulted from it. You could've chosen different but here you are, you're carrying this child, you're doing everything to make sure that she has a good life because you already love her...you're gonna be fine." He said as he rubbed her stomach, Olivia had tears in her eyes and before she could say anything, the doorbell rang. Elliot leaned in and planted a lingering kiss to her forehead before he got up. Opening the door, he was beyond surprised to see Brian standing there. Olivia hadn't told him that he'd been by recently so Elliot didn't relish seeing him, not at all.

"Hey… I came to see Liv. She in?"

Elliot stood there, looking at him.

"Hello?" Brian said

"Uh…" he looked back at Olivia who had gotten up and was now in the kitchen drinking water.

"It's okay Elliot." She said, her voice unsure. Elliot turned back around to face Brian and stared again at him for a long moment before he listened to Olivia and invited him inside but by then, Brian had already pushed his way in and was looking at Elliot, annoyance all over his face.

"Come on in" Elliot said sarcastically, already wishing that Liv wasn't here so he could teach Brian some manners.

"Could you give us a minute?" Brian asked. Elliot turned his head with a smile on his face when…

"El, please. It's okay." Olivia assured him. Also, she noticed the look on his face and wanted to avoid the confrontation that would come if she didn't speak up.

"Yeah. I'm gonna go and get us some coffee...decaf for you. Sit until I get back."

"El…"

"I mean it"

"Fine, just please don't forget…"

"Pastry." They both smiled. "I'll be RIGHT BACK!" He said, watching Brian as he grabbed his coat and left the apartment.

"What an ass!"

"Brian"

"I'm sorry…" He took off his coat and put it on the back of the stool. "You look better."

"I feel better, thank you"

"How was your Thanksgiving?"

"Fine...everybody came over so I wouldn't be alone but I just wanted them to go." She said and took a long sip of her water. "I um, I was hoping you'd come back, I wanted to apologize."

"For kicking me out?"

"I wasn't exactly myself." She said.

"Hey, it's forgotten…I get it."

Like she had been every day since the miscarriage a week ago. She sat with her arms around the jar that held her little boy and thinking about revenge.

God he's so beautiful! She thought, looking at the tiny human, his body adrift in a sea of formaldehyde; his umbilical cord floating around his body. It's all her fault! She thought. She's the reason that everything went wrong, the reason that you had to…

"No." She said, putting him on the windowsill and opening the drapes so that the baby could have the morning light. "Goodness and light. Those are the only things that you'll ever know...goodness and light!"

"Don't you worry my boy, soon I'll get her here...your baby brother; you two are one spirit now. You live within him…" I just have to find a way to get the bitch when she's alone; then I'll get my baby and do away with her. "She won't be an issue and your father; he'll love me; he'll love us and we'll be happy...finally the four of us will be happy!"

As he came over and handed her a mug of tea, he picked up a piece of pimento loaf before he sat in the armchair. Olivia stopped and stared at him then at her stomach.

"Thank you."

"No problem!" He said as he popped it into his mouth.

"I'd forgotten you like that stuff… I can't stop craving it.

"Almost like there's a little Brianette in there!" He gave a laugh and helped himself to another piece, a moment going by before the realization hit him. "Liv...I; have you...thought about this baby?" He asked, struggling for words.

"Brian, I can't do this w-"

"No, no I mean have you...thought about this baby. Like...is there a possibility that…" He said and ran a hand through his shortly cropped hair. He couldn't believe he was even saying this but a part of him had to wonder and that that part of him had to know. "Could she be mine?!"

"What are you talking about? Because I'm craving pimento loaf?"

"I just...Liv, we made love the week before he took you..." she had a look of shock about her for a moment but then it just as quickly disappeared.

"I don't want to talk about this!" she said, almost in a whisper, getting up from the sofa and making her way to the kitchen where she began scrubbing the countertop.

"What? Why? I just told you…"

"I know what you told me!"

"Then what…?"

"Let's be real Brian, I'm not that lucky" she rubbed her belly when she felt a pain creeping up but counted on it to pass.

"But she could be"

"It was a week! 5 whole days and it happened once against the...I don't even know how many times he-"

"But what if she is?"

"Don't okay?"

"Don't what?"

"Don't get me wanting this, don't give me hope!" Tears were running down her face and she quickly wiped them away. "Can you leave?" She said quietly, turning to go to to the door to let him out and when he realized it, he followed.

"Liv"

"Brian please!"

"What the hell?"

"What the hell?" She stopped to turn around, tears still in her eyes. "You come in here telling me that this baby could be yours; how do you expect me to react to that? I've spent months trying to process this and finally accept that this is happening, that his baby is growing inside me and you just randomly come and "oh guess what, there's a small possibility that she isn't his because of a craving!" What am I supposed to do with that Brian? I can't…" she stopped to close her eyes, rubbing the underside of her belly and taking deep breaths. She was obviously in pain and Brian quickly began to panic.

"Babe..." he called as he took her hand and supported her back with his free hand. "Liv, what is it?"

"Something's wrong I...ahhh!" she cried leaning over. "Oh god, it hurts!"

"Okay...okay, don't panic!" He said even though inside, he was jello. "My car is downstairs, the hospital is just a few blocks...let's get your coat and go!"

Since that day he'd raped and beaten Bronwyn and caused her miscarriage last week, Harlan had decided that he'd be better off having the east wing of the house to himself and didn't bother to discuss it with Bronwyn. When she got back to the house the day before thanksgiving she was surprised to see that he had picked up and moved to the other end of the house. He told her it was so he could "focus better" and she, although she felt some kind of way; shouldn't a man and his wife share space? She didn't put up a fight and allowed it, choosing instead to go to her room, hold her baby and cry over its loss.

This was fine with Harlan, he didn't want to be bothered with her anyway. What the hell was wrong with her, carrying around a dead baby? Bronwyn was a headcase, this he knew and he couldn't wait until things were in a place where he could get rid of her. For now he needed her to be his eyes and ears but soon…

While she sat in her room locked up with that baby, little pickled fuck as Harlan referred to him, he was in his room abusing the maid.

"Oh, that's it baby. Give it to daddy!" He growled. Acting as if she'd chosen to be here, in this house, in this room with him. He was hurting her and she could do nothing but endure it and pray like Olivia did every day, that it would end.

As he'd gotten better, his sickening lust for sex got sicker and he spared her nothing as right now he pulled the nipples on her small breasts so taut that she felt like they would rip off, all while he fucked her showing her ass no mercy, ramming himself in and out while she cried.

"Oh yeah...ohhhhh shit!" He yelled as he came hard into her anal cavity, releasing every drop into her before he pulled out, his penis covered in blood with his semen and she just curled up, her once virgin asshole torn to shreds and burning while it continued to leak.

"Clean me off!" He barked as he grabbed her hair and swung her to the floor. "And don't you miss one drop, comprende?"

"Please s-" He delivered a slap to her face so hard that it knocked her over and as she lay there on the floor, he remembered another time he'd had the pleasure of setting another bitch straight.

"Suck it bitch!" He'd pulled her from the bed after he'd spent hours raping and abusing her. She was barely coherent at this point, on her knees, naked, bruised and bleeding yet still she denied him. "Suck it nice and good...clean it off!" He said, holding her tightly by the hair.

"No!" It was weak and barely there but it was there and it infuriated him. Who the hell was she to refuse him? He thought as he delivered a crushing slap to her that sent her sprawling to the floor. He immediately got down and choked her, punching her hard in the face. She cried for help but who would hear her? Stupid bitch.

"Nobody can hear you dumb cunt! And you are gon have to learn not to refuse me!" He said as he turned her over so she was face down and he held her there on the floor.

"No god, please…" She cried. She couldn't take more of him but that was exactly what her punishment was as he tore into her anus amidst her cries and faint screams.

"I told you once...God ain't here baby!"

What he wouldn't give to have Olivia right here, right now. it made his dick hard just thinking about it… "You heard me whore, clean it off! Limp apagado!" He said in his very broken Spanish. He'd grown tired of waiting for Myra to get up from where she lay on the floor and went to grab her hair, only when he did, he pulled her head up to see that she had torn her right temple open on the foot of the bed and blood was gushing out of her, quickly covering her naked body.

"God damnit!"

At the precinct, Amanda was coming from the ladies room when Darrell snaked his arms around her and pulled her into the nearest interrogation room and into the corner, out of view of the window and slowly leaned in to kiss her. The kiss started out sweet; the two of them laughing playfully but then quickly enough turning into a passionate one, her hands in his hair and his on her body and continuing until they needed to break for air.

"Hi…"

"I am now!" She said as he laughed. He kissed her again, pecking her on the lips.

"So I was thinking, how about we have dinner at my place tonight?" he suggested.

"I think that'd be great. Can I bring anything?"

"Just you; and your sexy!" She smiled, licking her lip before she leaned into him. "So tonight… I was thinking... I think we've waited long enough and I…"

"Do you realize that I would make love to you here and now if it weren't the middle of a work day? Tonight I'm gonna…" He started and bit his lip. "You make me crazy, Amanda, and tonight I wanna show you just how much!" he said as he leaned down and kissed her.

God his kiss makes me weak! She thought while simultaneously thinking about tonight and she was absolutely drenched! She was surprised to feel his erection rising in his pants and even more shocked at how big he felt.

"I think we'd better…"

"Yeah...I'm gonna..." She said with a grin on her face to match his.

"Okay...7?"

"I'll be there" She said and kissed him.

"Go!" He laughed as she went out the door. Back in the squadroom, Fin was just hanging up from a call.

"Hey Manda, we gotta go. Victim down by Columbus Circle."

"Uh…" She said, looking over at Collins who had just come in from the back. He looked at her and she had to fight to keep the smile off her face which didn't go unnoticed by Fin.

"You know what? I'm gonna take Collins with me" Collins head spun around quickly.

"You are?" Darrell said.

"Yep, let's go!" He grabbed his coat as he looked back at Amanda, then disappeared out the door while Amanda laughed. She was heading to the coffee machine when Nick came in.

"Hey Rollins, just the person I was looking for" He said as he came over to the coffee machine.

"Whats up?"

"You are not gonna believe this!"

"What are we supposed to do with her?" Bronwyn asked, staring at the young, naked dead woman on Harlan's floor. Her eyes were open and the blood had pretty much seeped through the twenty thousand dollar rug that sat in the middle of the spacious room. She looked ghastly as Bronwyn ogled her.

"Bury her...unless you wanna burn down the house!" Harlan suggested.

"How could you do this to me? I just lose our beloved and you're off fucking the help while I'm mourning?"

"You been mourning enough! I'm sicka that lil shit takin all the goddamn attention. HE'S DEAD! Why don't you try livin in the real world, with real shit instead of bringin his ass to thanksgivin dinner an watchin us eat? Now we got ta bury this bitch an you sitting around cryin ain't gon get er done!" He again growled, grabbing her hair."

"You're right...I'm sorry."

"Damn right you are!"

"We'll bury her in the greenhouse...nobody goes there but me" she said fighting tears. "I'll take care of it once it's dark." Her voice was shaky and he still had her hair in his grip, looking at her like the devil.

"How much longer till you get her back here?" She knew that he meant Olivia and her blood burned just thinking of her.

"I'm trying sir…soon." She said calmly but raging inside.

"I hope I ain't gotta put you in line again girl!"

"No sir."

"Good. It be a shame to beat you right off a miscarriage!" And he let her go and walked off, leaving her to clean his mess.

"What the hell happened?" Elliot said as he got off the elevator and came toward Brian.

"I don't know alright? One minute we were talking and the next, she was in pain!"

"She was fine when I left, what the hell did you do?"

"You ass! I didn't do anything…" He said as the doctor came out.

"Doc; what's going on?" Elliot asked.

"Is it premature labor?" Brian piped in.

"She's having braxton-hicks contractions"

"What is that; those? Brian asked.

"False labor" Elliot said, brushing Brian off and focusing on the doctor. "She said she was in pain when she called me; what is that? I mean, I knew she'd been nauseous for a couple days but there was no pain...I told her she should take it easy like you said; she's just really…"

"You knew about this?" Brian said, angry. Elliot ignored him and continued talking to the doctor.

"There's nothing you could have done and unfortunately, we don't know what it is yet…" the doctor started.

"What do you mean you don't know? Isn't that what they pay you for?" Elliot fumed.

"If you had let me finish…" She said. "She is experiencing some pain in her abdomen and back and her blood pressure is a bit on the high side, but we're running some tests, and we're putting a rush on them so we'll know something soon. In the meantime, Elliot she's asking for you. I don't have to remind you to keep her as calm as possible and in the meantime I'm gonna go and get the sonogram ready." Elliot gave a nod and went off towards Olivia's room while Brian stood there.

"Hey Doc...um I was wondering; could you take my blood?"

"May i ask why?"

"A DNA test."

...

"Liv…" Elliot said, knocking on the door as he opened it to find Olivia sitting up in bed rubbing her stomach.

"El!"

"Hey, I got here as fast as I could" he said with a kiss to her head and took a seat beside the bed. "What's goin on?" She was about to speak when she was cut short by a contraction.

"Oooh...there's nothing spurious about these pains!" she said, breathing heavy and trying hard not to cry. Elliot got up and took her hand.

"It's okay, just breathe!"

"El I feel sick!"

"You need to throw up?"

"No...I… I'm gonna" her face turned a weird tinge of green against her already pale skin and she gagged and retched. Elliot quickly grabbed a pail and held it up to her mouth where she retched again but this time she vomited.

"It's alright, let it out" she continued vomiting and after she emptied a second time, she pushed the pail away.

"You okay?" he asked, handing her a cup of water. She drank some and then leaned back in bed.

"Yeah, I feel better…"

"I'm gonna go and get rid of this, I'll be right back!" He said and left with the pail to go into the bathroom.

"Wait, so…"

"Bronwyn..." Nick said, helping Amanda

"is Harlan's daughter? What the...they were married!" She said feeling like she had just been slapped. "Is your friend sure? I mean…"

"She's sure. The records were sealed so apparently, Bronwyn had no idea...has no idea!"

"This is sick" Amanda exclaimed "have you told Liv?"

"I was kinda holding off on that, I don't think she'd really be in the mood to hear it."

"All this time...Lewis had a sister and a father and they married each other. I don't know, I feel like we should pay Bronwyn a visit."

"For what?"

"Maybe shatter her world with some news the way she helped shatter Liv!" she said. Nick looked at her for a moment before he spoke up.

"Works for me!"

"Stay in there, little one." Olivia said to her baby who was kicking like crazy above the monitor belt, but that was a good thing she thought. She'd sent Elliot and Brian out when they'd gotten too heated in conversation and now she lay, just her and her baby. She held her stomach as she lay back against the pillows, feeling her baby move and she was silently thankful in spite of the discomfort she was in.

"I see the contractions have all but stopped." The doctor said as she came in.

"One every hour...I'm still feeling really nauseous and the pain…" Olivia said while rubbing her exposed stomach.

"That's what I wanted to talk to you about. We got the results"

"Something's wrong with her, isn't it?" She asked the doctor, holding her daughter tighter.

"It's not her."

"I don't..." When the doctor sat down at her bedside she became worried.

"I understand that when you were...found in Pennsylvania, the doctor there treated you for chlamydia."

"I…" suddenly there were tears in her eyes. She hadn't told anybody about it and had assumed that when the doctor told her she was cured…

"Olivia, don't be ashamed"

"Is that what this is? I thought that-"

"You are, honey. You don't have the infection."

"Then what…?"

"The pain and nausea you've been having...you've developed Pelvic Inflammatory…"

"Disease...from the chlamydia." she said in a near whisper.

"It's quite serious but the good news is that we know, and now we can cure it...Olivia, I'm sorry, I know-"

"Please; don't. Just… How soon can we start treatment and is it safe for the baby?" She asked, trying desperately to keep her tears at bay but she wasn't succeeding and they flowed out faster than she could wipe them. The doctor herself wanted to cry seeing her so broken but she shook it off to continue.

"The nurse will be in with the antibiotics, we'll give them to you intravenously to start. Don't worry, it's safe… Olivia, it will be okay." She said before she left the room and Olivia held on to her baby and cried, boring into the pillows and wondering when this nightmare would end. She'd been free from Harlan and all of the torture for four months but was she really? Even with the physical scars to remind her along with the thoughts and dreams that haunted her, she couldn't escape and couldn't see to get away from it no matter how much therapy or time she spent talking about it and now here was yet another thing to deal with, PID from one of those dirty, disgusting men giving her...

"I'm so sorry!" She said to the baby as she cried. "you don't deserve all this!"

Could she be mine?

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Could she be?