Chapter 36. This was gonna be longer but it really didn't need much more so, enjoy.

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He spent most of the night calming her and now, finally, she slept after crying herself down. How much more is she supposed to take before she just gives up?

Elliot sat in the chair by her bedside as he watched her sleep. All of the three years that he was gone, after the fog cleared from his mind about shooting Jenna, he had one other thought and it was always her. When he thought of Kathy, or even of the kids, he could always push them out of his mind. Knowing that they didn't belong there, it seemed easy to not think of them but then there was Olivia; he couldn't put her out of his mind no matter how hard he tried and in those three years he was forced to deal with the fact that he did love her! He'd known for years, but having to actually face it and resign himself; no Kathy or kids to serve as a distraction, he had time to figure out what he really wanted and what he wanted was her; it's always been her since the day they he first saw those beautiful brown eyes smile at him and say hello!

He'd known coming back that there would be challenges. What if in the three years without him she'd gotten married, or just didn't forgive him for leaving? He'd planned on just putting his heart out there and letting her do with it as she pleased, but he hadn't counted on this - looking back at the worries he had then, now he wished it had been so simple but still, he kept hope.

He loved this woman; loved her with everything he had inside of him and going through this with her, being here for her just made him realize that even more. She would get through this, she would and he would be here with her for however long it took.

"Damn you Cassidy!" He whispered to himself just thinking how he'd like to beat some sense into that…

"El"

"Hey. Was I too loud again?"

"No" She said as she struggled to sit up with sleep still on her. "I have to pee!"

"Come on, I'll help you up!" He smiled.

Taking the drive back to the Hamptons, Harlan wondered how long it would be before they found Brian's body. After he'd beaten his head in, he couldn't put the body in his car, it would draw too much attention when he would have pulled the car up in the alleyway and too much attention if he would have driven the car in… damn New York City! He thought.

This was why he preferred small town living. No crowding to witness everything; a man could hide a body and not worry about being seen but here…

"No sense cryin over spilt milk now Harlan!" He said. Besides, who had time to worry? Last night after he handled Brian, dumping his body in the bottom of the dumpster, he went to another strip club where he paid some whore and he fucked her good in Bronwyn's car, then on his way back to the Hamptons, he stopped by Olivia's and just stared up at the building.

His prize was sitting inside there waiting for him. She had his baby inside her; his boy and shortly…

"Soon!" He said before he drove on and back to his prison, wishing that he could recreate the night he took her… "You enjoy your freedom now baby, cuz when I got you next time it won't be no gittin away!"

"I'm so tired!" Nick got out between yawns then downed a big gulp of his coffee. He and Fin had been on duty for 38 hours straight including last night- a case that went all the way through till this morning and they still weren't done. Now here it was, 5AM and they were both in need of sleep.

"Yeah, tell me about it… Excuse me, can we get some more coffee?"

"Anything else?" The waitress said.

"A bacon, egg and cheese sandwich…"

"I'll have turkey bacon with egg whites, no sandwich. We'll take both of those to go." Nick finished.

"Coming right up!" she said before she walked off. Nick took a gulp of his coffee and turned to Fin.

"So I've been thinkin, you know, why don't we do something nice for Liv?"

"Like what?"

"I don't know...her birthday's coming up in two weeks"

"She hates birthday parties" Fin reminded him.

"Then we won't call it a party, you know, serve some food, give her some things she'll need for the baby"

"That actually sounds good Amaro, I'm in!"

"We'll get Amanda to hammer out the details"

"We'll see… Tell me somethin, what do you know about this Darrell character?"

"Uh, nice guy; good police. Seems like he's on the level when it comes to Amanda, why?"

"I don't like him! Somethin about him that I don't trust!"

Darrell held Amanda, her legs around his waist against the shower door and he plowed into her powerfully while sucking the pulse point on her neck, creating a hickey; god the absolute dominance with which he was fucking her!

"D baby, right there...right there, oh god, please don't stop!" She cried. The pleasure she was receiving was unlike any she'd ever felt before him; his cock, it's thickness and length was hitting every single spot so hard and wonderful; stretching her, filling her. His hands, his mouth; there was no thinking clearly. Right now, she was his and only his and as she felt his mouth on her breast teasing, licking and sucking her already sensitive nipples while he fucked her so incredibly deep...she didn't care that she got no sleep last night or that now they had to be to work in a couple of hours. Nothing mattered except him and this, and as he looked into her eyes talking dirty as he pushed up inside her, bottoming out now with every thrust she didn't know if she'd pass out from the intensity or explode from the pleasure... her body made the choice and erupted, clenching around his shaft and convulsing. She was done!

"You alright baby?" he said as she collapsed around him. She hung there from his neck, burying her head while she ground against him involuntarily and he kissed her softly. He was still buried and still rock hard waiting on her to tell him when. She grabbed his head and kissed him hard, her body still convulsing as the water of the shower made steam around them.

"I can't let you go!" She said through tears, kissing him through her words. He didn't waste time turning off the water and carrying her out of the shower, laying her down on the bathroom floor. She didn't take notice of the cold tile, she wanted one thing and as he began fucking her again she knew she was home as she scratched her nails down his back, drawing blood as she cried and he continued. Dear god this could be love!

"Hows your pain?"

"Lessening… El, do you think…?"

"No, I don't"

"You didn't even let me finish" she half smiled.

"You were gonna say do I think that that if Brian's the father, a judge will grant him custody; Liv honestly, I don't, but I do think you need to get in front of it."

"I can't, El I'm so scared!"

"I know you are" he said, speaking softly and with a hand on her belly, rubbing small circles. "you've been through it but you love this little girl and no matter what the test says, that won't change. You've already had the amnio, just ask the doctor to run a paternity test, have it done before Brian gets a judge to order it."

"What if she's his, El? He wants custody-"

"And I promise you I won't let that happen but Liv, you gotta be proactive. Please; get the test."

Out in that alley on 87th street, Brian lay in the dumpster bleeding profusely from the wounds to his head. Harlan had beat him terribly including a blow that landed the two nails in the board directly in his eye on the second blow. Harlan stood over him and ripped it out of his head before proceeding to beat him unconscious and then throwing him in. When he was done, he made his point by shoving a beer bottle in his rectum before throwing trash on him to cover him up and leaving the alley.

Now 5 hours later, he was still out under the mounds of trash but breathing, barely. In the alley between a strip club that kept evening hours, a nail salon that didn't open until noon and a bowling alley, it didn't look good for him being found and he didn't have the strength to pull himself out even if he were conscious.

A homeless guy and his parrot that frequented the alley to collect food that the bowling alley threw out every night came wandering through. He was sure that he'd get some good stuff to eat and he went in the dumpster, next to Brian's and got to digging. After 20 minutes and finding a few half eaten burgers, two pizzas that were barely touched and some nachos, he decided that he had enough when he found a discarded $20 bill and thought that today was his lucky day and immediately packed up what food he'd found, took his cart and headed off to the nearest bodega for lottery tickets and beer; leaving Brian with a chance that went to waste.

And in the dumpster, beneath the garbage Brian lay there bleeding out, his head swollen and unconscious and he uttered three words:

I'm sorry Olivia.

"You did the right thing Liv, you'll see, this will all work out."

"I can hope" she said, nervously rubbing her stomach. "This little girl, I just realized is gonna be here in a couple of months and I haven't got a single thing for her; I'm gonna need to find a new place to live and I waited so long..god, I'm already failing"

"You're not failing, you're just overwhelmed; and you'll figure it out when you get out of here but in the meantime, why don't you stay with me until you find something?"

"I can't ask you to do that El"

"You're not and it's done okay, you stay with me as long as you need to!"

"You'd do that for me?"

"I'd do anything for you, besides I have a huge apartment with plenty of room, you're more than welcome"

"Thanks El!"

"...in the meantime, you still don't have a name for her"

"Actually I've given that some thought; a lot of thought...I wanna name her Serena, after my mom. I feel like she's been a guardian angel for this baby." She said teary eyed.

"I think your mom would like that."

"I hope so. El I blamed her for so much; she didn't have the support I have and she broke because of it...I just wanna show her that I understand now, that I get it."

"She knows." He saw said, placing a kiss to her head.

"I just hope that I can be a good mother to her namesake, I wanna raise her so that she'll be happy and hopefully she won't ever know this fate." she said wistfully.

"Hey, she won't. The important thing is that she'll be loved by you and by all of us!"

"I don't see how. I love her but she's mine...how can you, knowing where she might have come from?"

"Because even if she did, she's innocent and I- I love her mother; more than life and I can only hope that I get to show her how much!"

Olivia just sat there and looked down at her stomach, running her hand over it while her mind raced and she chewed her bottom lip and she got teary. "Elliot…"

"I'm sorry. It was stupid and I'm sorry, I just…"

"It wasn't stupid" she said looking up at him and he felt relieved. "It's just...you don't know how long I've wanted to hear those words; it's all I've wanted for the last fifteen years"

"But?"

"But suddenly you left and as much as I wanted them, slowly I told myself that they would never come and now…"

"This is about Brian?"

"No, it's about me. I won't say that I don't, or didn't love Brian because I did, but never the way I love you…I never loved anyone the way I love you but El, you don't wanna love me now"

"Why would you think that?" He got up and sat on the bed beside her, drying her tears with his thumbs.

"Look at me...I was raped, El. I'm having a baby that may or may not be a product of that and on top of it all I'm so messed up, I...why would you want that?"

"Because when I look at you I don't see any of that...I see the woman that I have loved since I can remember but was too afraid to tell her because I couldn't handle dealing with the 'what ifs', I see the woman that I should've told a long time ago how I felt and I see the woman that's been through some things that would have broken another woman but she's still standing! Liv I'm not saying you have to give me anything now, but eventually, however long it might take I'm only asking that you one day let me in- I know I don't deserve it but I'll ask it still."

"And what if I told you, I need time?"

"Then I'll give you all the time you need. Liv I don't wanna push" she nodded through her tears.

"I do love you; and I imagined that it would be this big moment when we finally… I never imagined it would be like this, I wanted-"

"Fireworks?"

"Yeah." She said quietly. "Everything in my life now is just- I sometimes wonder if I'll ever have that again."

Elliot sat thinking for a moment, wondering I'd he should do what his heart was telling him he needed to do and he decided in that instant that he should; he needed to and he leaned in slowly and sought her lips, kissing them so carefully and so slowly. She didn't know at first what to do but then she gave in and they shared a kiss so beautiful, sweet and full of love.

"What about now?" He said when he pulled his mouth away, caressing her lips. She sat there breathless and trying to inhale as their heads rested against one another's.

"I thought you said you wouldn't rush" she said with a smile on her face. She hadn't felt the way that kiss made her feel in such a long time. Definitely fireworks.

"And I won't...I just need you to know that you are still beautiful; even if you don't feel it you are. You're beautiful and wanted and even if you won't say it, I know that you just felt it."

She was about to speak when suddenly she felt the baby stretching and kicking. "Somebody's awake!" She said, feeling her belly.

"Guess she didn't wanna be left out." And he put his hands to her stomach and brought his face close. "Hey little one!" the baby kicked beneath his palm.

"I think she's hungry." Olivia said with a smile as she soothed her hands over her now active daughter.

"Why don't I go and pick you up something? There's a diner just down the street"

"Would you? Hospital food isn't exactly the greatest"

"Lemme guess; lots of bacon and sweet & fried?"

"Please" She suddenly was taken back to that room, not even hearing Elliot say he'd be right back.

Lying on that bed in the basement the first time; Harlan and 12 other guys abused her in every way possible and now they had chained her by her hands from the ceiling, preparing to do her standing. Hanging her head and wishing she could die, she was in so much pain and so tired; she just wanted it to end but that wouldn't happen and it was Harlan who spoke

"Ain't quittin yet darlin!" He said as he cupped her sex and she heaved and gagged. "You throw up and I'll make you eat it!"

"Please...I'm begging you...please!" She cried unable to control the gag. Her throat was clogged with so much semen that it made getting the words out hard, but she begged him.

"A whore like you? See I don't think you had enough!" He said low and menacing near her ear as he pinched her nipple hard, causing her to cry out. "Fellas, why don't one a you give this whore's ass some attention? Seems to me she is missin it!" and he dug his hand deep inside her, causing her to scream…

She shook away the memory and found herself looking around for Elliot, just noticing that he had gone

"You can not continue letting this control you!" She said to herself and looked down at her stomach. "I won't...I promise I won't!"

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Until next time.