41, let's go. Dick Wolf owns, enjoy.

.

That Saturday...

"You're not dressed." Elliot said as he came back from the gym to find Olivia in tights, a tank top and a sweater sitting on the couch with no shoes, folding baby clothes.

"I started to but then when I came from the shower I decided that I really didn't feel like going so I…"

"...thought you'd wash Serena's clothes?" Elliot finished.

"The blankets and onesies...and socks." She said quietly, looking away.

"Liv, what's this about?" He asked as he took a seat in the chair and she continued folding.

"It's nothing okay? With the sentencing and the- I just don't wanna celebrate."

"Look, I won't push it but I think you could use a break and I think it'll be good for you. You've been moping around for two days driving yourself crazy over that paternity test and the hearing."

"I didn't say anything about the paternity test"

"You haven't, which is how I know that it's making you crazy."

"It's not the test itself that's making me crazy; it's the fact that another's been added to the Lewis bunch and she's just as crazy as her brother and father and I just…what about my daughter?" She said with her hand in her belly. "I'm scared for her."

"I know"

"Harlan's sample was too degraded to give a definite result and I can't seem to reach Brian. Now that I've opened the door, El I need to know for sure."

"And you will. We'll get Brian whenever he turns up. But in the meantime, please; come with me. Let's just celebrate your birthday and forget about everything else. You deserve that today! Come on."She thought about it for a moment, deciding that he was right.

"Okay." She said, giving in.

"Alright. You go get dressed." He pulled her up from the couch. "Give me 10 minutes for a shower, 5 to get dressed and then I'll write a quick novel while I'm waiting on you." He joked.

"Did I ever tell you how funny you are?"

"No"

"And you think you'd take a hint!" She smiled and picked up the laundry basket before heading off to her room while he stood there grinning.

...

"Surprise!" Nick, Fin, Amanda and Rafael yelled as Olivia, followed by Elliot made her way to the table in the restaurant. She couldn't help but protest.

"Thank you, all of you but I told you guys, I don't want anything for my birthday." She said as Elliot pulled out her chair and she sat down.

"No way, baby girl. You came through a hell of a lot this past year; we gotta celebrate even if it's a little somethin; Happy Birthday!"

"'That's right, Happy Birthday Liv!" Nick said, all of them feeling a sense of genuine gratitude that she was there to be able to celebrate another year.

Later at the house, after the squad had come back to celebrate, it reached 6:30 and everyone said goodnight and left. Leaving Olivia, as she returned from the door after seeing Amanda off looking at a living room full of gifts from the entire squad that had gathered while Fin excused himself from lunch, pretending he had to go but then really did before the party was over.

"I can't believe they all came!" She said to herself teary eyed, sitting in the midst of all the gifts.

"Are those tears?" Nick teased, coming out of the kitchen.

"No…" She said, trying to control them. "And shut up!" She joked. Nick laughed.

"Well, the mess is officially tackled!" He said.

"I could've helped" Olivia offered again.

"No you couldn't have; it's your birthday and you're pregnant. Alright, I'm gonna go, I gotta get down to DC tonight." Nick said as he grabbed his coat.

"Say hi to Zara for me."

"I will."

"Oh, before I forget" He took the gift box from his pocket and handed it to her. "I got you a little somethin."

"You already gave me a present."

"That was for Serena, this is for you! Happy Birthday Liv!" He kissed her on the cheek before he went to the door.. "Say goodbye to Elliot for me."

"I will." He had just left when Elliot came from the backyard.

"Nick leave?"

"Yeah" She struggled and finally made it up from the couch "He said to tell you goodbye."

"How sweet"

"Well; I'm gonna grab a shower and go to bed!"

"You okay?"

"Yeah, just tired. In case I don't see you before you go in the morning… Well, goodnight."

"Goodnight Liv." She started walking off to her room when suddenly she stopped and turned around.

"El"

"Yeah?"

When I was in the hospital last…when you said; well you didn't actually say you sort of implied that…did you mean it?"

"Mean what?" Now she had a confused look about her. Had she imagined the conversation they'd had in her hospital room? Maybe she'd just, no but he couldn't have, she couldn't have; could she?

"You… Well I thought…nothing, Goodnight El." And she turned to go to her room. Elliot had watched turn away but he quickly had enough of teasing her and called to her.

"Olivia"

She paused where she was and turned around again. Elliot got closer and she got nervous, not only because of his proximity but because of what he might say and suddenly her voice dropped.

"Yeah?" before she had the time to think, he leaned in and lifted her chin, looking into her eyes and then he kissed her lips; tender and passionately, taking his time to kiss her, taste her lips. He wrapped her in his arms and gently pushed against her lips with his tongue asking for entrance and she surprised herself when she opened to let him in. When he finally pulled back and attempted to let her go, she was dazed and held on to him.

"I do love you Liv, every part of me and I don't want you to ever question that… I love you." and with that, he kissed he cheek, lingering there for a moment. "Get some sleep, you've had a long day."

"Yeah, I…" She stammered. "Goodnight El!"

...

When she got back to her room and closed the door she smiled as she stood against it, her hand to her lips and for a moment, she didn't think about anything except that kiss until she undressed for the shower and suddenly the scars Harlan had given her served as a reminder.

"No man can love a filthy whore like you; don't ever forget it!" she heard Harlan's voice say.

Sunday...

"So how are you likin it at Elliot's so far?" He said as they were waiting in traffic for the light to turn green.

"It's fine." She said and took a drink from her tea. "By the way, you got called away before I could open them yesterday; the stroller and cradle, and the rocker. They're beautiful Fin, thank you."

"You don't have to thank me. Just makin sure that this little one has the best."

"You're gonna spoil her." She smiled, her hand rubbing her lower belly.

"That's what uncle Fin is for." He said and took a bite of his food and Olivia sat, looking out of the window of the SUV. They had gone out to breakfast following her doctor's appointment and so far, other than her ordering her meal, this was the most he'd heard from her since they left the place. "...I thought you'd be happier, at least today. You got a clean bill of health…" He smiled. The light turned green finally and he began driving.

"I am, I just have a lot on my mind; I'm sorry." she said, still not sharing the news about the paternity test since Elliot was the only one who knew about it, and she wasn't up for talking about the visits she's been having though they've been in her mind.

"Don't apologize." He said and squeezed her hand. She smiled for a moment before it faded. "The trial?"

"Yeah" It came quietly as she took another sip of her tea.

"I know that this is hard for you; I can't even begin to imagine what you're going through but I'm here and I'm gonna be right there, we all are to give you our love and support!" He put on the turning signal and went right.

"I appreciate that" She said with a smile. Even if she wasn't so sure whether she wanted them there, knowing that she had their backing meant the the world to her. "Between that and this mess with Bronwyn…"

Liv, you gotta believe me when I say how sorry we are. You have to know that none of us meant to keep it from you, we just didn't think that you could handle it with everything else going on."

"I know, Fin; well now I do. I've just been a little...a lot crazy trying to wrap my head around it, I mean how can that be? With everything else that could come from… She was William's sister, in love with her own brother; married her father. I've tried to deal with it and let it go but it's hard you know?"

"I do"

"I've got Serena coming soon" she said rubbing her stomach "and now I'm just wondering more than ever if I did the right thing by having her, Fin; what if she's like them?"

"Liv"

"I don't wanna responsible for that."

"Responsible for what?"

"For making her a victim to her DNA!" Another right.

"You can't believe that!"

"Why not? Bronwyn is a prime example..."

"And so are you! Liv, you gotta trust that sometimes things will work in your favor!"

"It didn't for Bronwyn… Am I wrong to feel sorry for her because she was a victim in this too in more ways than she knew?"

"I don't think you're wrong at all. I wouldn't think you were you if you didn't."

"I mean, it shouldn't matter. She helped keep me locked in that house for weeks, she saw what they did to me and she just looked away." Her voice was low and calm, betraying the emotions she felt inside. "...and here I am feeling sorry for her; what does that make me?"

"I think it makes you human."

"Yeah, well I think it makes me crazy!"

"Liv, you know one thing I always admired about you? Your empathy; it's what made you a good person and what makes you a hell of a cop!"

"You said makes"

"That's cuz I believe you got a lot more saving to do! You haven't told the commissioner no, and I think that's cuz you know it too!"

"Do I?" She wondered. Fin sat thinking for a moment and when he thought of something that he saw as a good idea.

"You up to go somewhere before we head home? Elliot's gonna be at church with Eli and Kathy for a bit longer."

"Where?"

"Just trust me!" He said, turning the car left.

...

Twenty minutes later they pulled up in front of tthe precinct and she nearly froze at first. Fin managed to convince her to come down to the station with him, feeling that she'd been out of touch with the job, he had hoped that maybe she'd see that she missed it enough to return; maybe if not to SVU then to another division but the point was to get her here first. She was hesitant at first but agreed after some pleading and now that they were in the building, she began feeling anxious.

"Why did I agree to do this? I haven't been here in almost eight months!" She said. They were on the elevator ride up and the anxiety was building even more and she didn't know why, she just knew that she wanted to run.

"It's just your nerves baby girl, relax. Did you see the way you were greeted downstairs? They miss you around here, and I know your squad'll be just as welcoming."

"My squad...it's like you're speaking a foreign language when you say that!" Her hand was flying nervously over her belly to calm the baby and she wished that something would come up to take her out of here. How is it that she had come to feel so out of place in what once felt like home?

Inside the squad room, Murphy was coming out of the office.

"Collins, you and Rollins I need you both to get to Barba's office." He said as the doors to the squad room opened.

"Sergeant!" Amanda said, surprised to see her in the squadroom "what are you doing here? Collins, come here, I want you to meet someone."

"I'm asking myself that question to be honest!" Olivia said as she undid her coat.

"It's good to see you" Murphy said. "Thinkin about comin back?"

"Not just yet" she said and ran nervous hands over her belly. Collins stood back before Amanda pulled him over to meet Olivia. He couldn't stop staring at her; his eyes going over her and settling on her stomach and he began feeling subsequently ill.

"Darrell Collins. Hello." He said putting his hand out to shake, Murphy, Rollins and Fin all went quiet while Olivia stared at his hand, not shaking it.

"It's nice to meet you Collins!" She said, looking over at Fin.

By the time Olivia and Fin left a half hour later, Darrell was a mess inside even if he couldn't let anybody see it. All the way down to Barba's office and all through the meeting his mind was in two places even more than it had been.

She was somewhat standoffish, kept close to Tutuola but he could understand why. With all he'd read about her rape and everything that had happened to her, it was a miracle that she was even there; she'd come through so much and even with all of it, she'd still managed to appear friendly. There was no way this woman was the devil that Bronwyn was making her out to be.

"Why did you insist on meeting me in Brooklyn?" Bronwyn asked as she removed her coat, draped it over the chair and sat.

"I work in Manhattan, couldn't risk being seen there." He was trying to be nonchalant in staring at what he assumed to be a baby as he looked over his menu but Bronwyn made it difficult with the way she fawned over it in the stroller by the table. She checked the baby, fussing with its blankets before she turned to Darrell and picked up her menu.

"So, you do have a baby?"

"Yes, this is Harlan Carlton." She said without turning the stroller around so that Darrell could take a look. "What was so important that we had to meet up? Have you news about Olivia?" He did. When he and Amanda were released from their meeting with Barba, he told her that there was something important he had to do and hopped on the subway after he kissed her goodbye in the elevator and he came straight to Brooklyn after making a call on the way.

"...speaking of; I don't understand, if you have a baby already, what do you want with Olivia's?"

"She owes me."

"Her baby?"

"It's complicated" She said and stopped to give the waitress her order when she came over. Darrell sat for a moment, telling her that he'll have nothing when the waitress asked him what he'll be having and then waited until she was long gone before turning back to Bronwyn.

"No, it's illegal is what it is."

"Who's side are you on, Darrell, or need I remind you..."

"No, no need to remind me"

"Good. How's it coming by the way?"

"That's what I wanted to talk to you about."

"What is it this time?"

"I met her today!"

"...and?"

"And?" He repeated angrily then lowered his voice as he looked around. "From what I could see, she loves that baby so what's the deal with the kid?"

"It's my husband's… Late husband but it's all I have of him." She lied. Darrell sat back in his chair, cracking his knuckles slowly and steadying his breathing.

"And what happens to her after, huh? She delivers that baby and what are you going to do to her?"

"What do you mean?"

"What do you mean 'what do I mean?' What are you planning?"

"Why?" She asked so innocently.

"I can't do this, Bronwyn! I can't! She's been through enough!"

"Think about what you're doing!"

"Why don't you think about it?"

"Meaning?"

"Meaning, I have recordings of our meetings" He said and tapped his phone to let her know that it was on and recording "...this one included" Her not knowing that he'd only recorded this conversation but the look on her face…

"You bastard!"

"You may have me a corner with what you have, but I have you in one too and so help me god if we don't walk away from here with you forgetting this plan, forgetting about that baby and leaving me the hell alone, I will make sure that the DA gets copies of them."

"You wouldn't do that, because then I'll be forced to-"

"Then I guess we'll both be fucked. Don't try me!" He said and got up, grabbing his coat. "Enjoy your lunch." And he left, leaving Bronwyn sitting there. But she wasn't thrown, not by any means.

"Oh well. Guess I have to do it myself. Isn't that right, baby!"

"I went by the squad room today after my doctor's appointment." She told Elliot as they sat at the living room table eating Chinese.

"How was it?"

"Strange at first, then I don't know, it felt different but…"

"Thinkin maybe you wanna go back?"

"Honestly? I don't know yet."

"You say that like it's wrong"

"It's; after William assau- I was just so determined that I wouldn't let him and the memory of what he did to me take my job from me, no matter what and now… It's been almost 5 months since I got away from Harlan and…"

"And?"

"I don't know. I don't know and that's what scares me!"

Over at Amanda's, Darrell was rolling off of her, both drenched in sweat after having had a marathon round of sex. They lay there, breathing heavily for a while until she curled up on his chest and noticed tears in his eyes.

"Baby what's wrong?" she whispered to him.

"I'm sorry…" He cried.

"Hey" She turned his face towards her own and wiped his tears "talk to me!"

He looked into her eyes and searched them, his tears coming faster.

"Baby?" She said,

"If anything should ever happen, I want you to remember that I love you!" It was the first time he'd ever said it and for a minute it stunned her she didn't count on it happening so fast and she found herself getting teary.

"I love you too Darrell but what…?"

"Remember that...promise me."

"I promise!" He kissed her on the mouth.

"Always remember!" He said and pulled her on top of him. "...always. I love you!" He said as he kissed her passionately, flipping them as she spread her legs and he kissed his way down her torso, stopping when his head was between her thighs as she moaned.

"Darrell...oh Darrell!"

"Really, I'm okay" Late that night and Olivia was in the kitchen having a snack while on the phone with Casey.

"Just okay?"

"I'm fine. I just… I'm nervous that's all, the sentencing is in three days and I'm on edge."

"If you need me..."

"I appreciate it but you have clients to worry about. I'll be alright."

"Say the word"

"If only that worked for other things."

"What do you mean?"

"With everything else I have to deal with I'm having the most ridiculous urges if you can believe it." She said feeling shame.

"Liv, it happens, you know that better than I do; no matter what, you're still a woman."

"I know, I know; but believe me, sex is...I just don't! But that doesn't stop my body… It's this pregnancy. I didn't even know I could..."

"Elliot?"

"Unimportant." She said "I just wanna get through this sentencing and Bronwyn's hearing and then maybe I can have a little peace before Serena comes." She looked across the room when she hear footsteps and cursed silently when she noticed Elliot was coming in the kitchen.

"Hey; I didn't know you'd be up. Everything alright." He asked grabbing orange juice from the fridge and turning it up. She looked him over in his sweats and tank top then quickly closed her robe over her pajamas.

"Fine. I was… I gotta go!" She said and walked past him, quickly heading to her room as he watched until she was out of sight.

"Okay!" He said to himself and continued drinking.

The next day at Barba's office, Nick was on his phone waiting for Barba to come back in when the door opened, a serious look about him even more so than usual and Nick knew something was off.

"Let me call you back" he said to whomever he was talking to and hung up the phone just as Rafael began pacing.

"We have a problem" He said suddenly.

"Which case?" Nick asked. Barba took a look around before he came out with it.

"Liv's!"

...

At Elliot's, he sat in the living room with Liv who was on the floor with her yoga mat getting a session in. Elliot was right beside her, trying earnestly to do some of the moves but he only succeeded in tying himself up.

"Okay, I can safely say this is not for me!" He said as he got up from his mat and began rolling it up.

"Never figured you for a quitter, Stabler!" Olivia laughed.

"Yeah well, if I remember, you weren't exactly into this when I left, what happened?"

"I uh, I needed a way to keep my mind straight after junior r… it came in handy." Elliot acted as if he didn't hear the slip of her tongue and shook it off. "Help me up. I gotta pee!" He gave his hand and quickly pulled her up but he pulled a little too fast and she came crashing against him softly, face to face. They stood like that for a moment, looking at one another.

"You okay?"

"Yeah, I… Yeah." She said when Serena decided to make her presence known and began kicking against Elliot.

"I guess somebody's in a rush!" He smiled, stepping away and touching her stomach where he felt the baby kick.

"I guess I should..." She said and turned to make her way to the bathroom. As soon as she was gone, Elliot laughed quietly to himself and began rolling her mat when suddenly the doorbell rang.

"Nick; Barba. Come in."

"Hey, I hope we're not interrupting" Nick said as he and Barba walked in.

"No, what's goin on?"

"Where's Liv, is she here?" Barba asked as he and Nick removed their coats.

"Uh yeah, she's-" Elliot started just as Olivia returned from the bathroom.

"Nick." Then in another more serious tone "Barba… What?" She said upon noticing him there.

"Liv." Nick said and made her stop to absorb the feel of the room and when she got a read on their expressions she immediately got nervous and her hands went to her baby.

"Why so serious?" She asked in a tense voice.

"Should I leave?" Elliot asked.

"No, stay!" Olivia answered quickly.

"What are you doing here?" She directed at Barba, knowing that this wasn't a social call..

"Liv, maybe you should sit down." Rafael said softly. Hating that he was here to give her this news and wanting more that anything not to. Why did I have to be brought into this? He wondered, suddenly hating his job. He and Fin took seats on the couch while Olivia reluctantly sat in the armchair with Elliot standing beside her.

"What?" She asked, not cutting any corners.

"Um...the DAs office in Pennsylvania; it seems that they got a lead on another of...the men who attacked you." Rafael told her.

"I don't understand; why did they call our DAs office?" She asked. Rafael and Nick looked at each other and it was Nick who spoke up.

"That's what we're trying to tell you... He's with NYPD, Liv. A sergeant out of the 43rd."

.

To be continued...