Chapter 43, not much to say so I'll get to the story. Dick Wolf owns, I just borrow. Enjoy!

*Chapter contains rape*

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Just after eight pm, Elliot arrived home hesitating outside the front door on going in.

"Come on, you know that I can't do that!"

"Just leave the file and walk away, nobody has to know!"

"I'd know!"

He'd tried for twenty minutes to get Barba to give him something but in the end he got nothing but a wasted visit. Sighing heavily, he walked into the house and hung his coat.

"Liv?"

No answer. He figured she must be asleep and decided to go into the kitchen for a beer. He arrived and was surprised to find Olivia having ice cream at the counter where she was seated.

"Hey." She said, putting the the last spoonful in her mouth. "I don't hear you come in."

"I'm sorry, I called to you… How can you eat that when it's so cold?"

"Because it's cold outside, not in and Serena made me do it!" She grinned. Where'd you go?" She said as she put another two scoops in her bowl. He took a minute before he answered, thinking of what to say and deciding that the truth was best.

"I uh…" He said getting a beer from the fridge and sitting down beside her at the counter as he screwed the cap off. "I went to see Barba" He took a sip and the room was quiet for a minute.

"I figured." It came low, after which she ate a spoonful of her ice cream while looking down at the bowl. "Find what you were looking for?" And she shoveled in another spoonful. Elliot didn't know how to respond to her, he was suddenly feeling like he'd double crossed her.

"I shouldn't have, and I know that now… if it makes you feel any better, he wouldn't give me anything." He continued while she ate her ice cream. "...and I didn't call the bureau when he didn't." Slowly, a smile crept up on her lips.

"Really?"

"Really. I made a vow when I had the opportunity months ago that I would let you tell me what you wanted me to know and I almost broke that vow. I'm learning to trust that you know what's best for you and not fly to your rescue all the time because I know that sometimes you don't need me to like now; but Liv...I'm gonna stumble sometimes out of habit and I just need to know that you won't hate me!"

When she laughed subtly, he was relieved yet confused. Was this the start of a breakdown or had she reach a limit after all these years? You know, that nervous laughter before the shit hits the fan? Was she was literally so sick of all his shit after all these years; so sick of it that she had to laugh just to keep calm enough to be able to go grab a gun and…

"Liv?"

"I don't hate you. We were partners remember? Besides, I'm pretty sure I got it all out the 3 years you were gone."

"I deserved that."

"Yeah, you did!" She smiled. "But it doesn't mean that I won't need you to come to my rescue sometimes."

"No?" He said with a smile.

"No. But thank you for realizing that right now I don't need you to." Looking at her, he grabbed her hand and she held his tightly. He knew right then that it was forgiven and smiled as he kissed her hand.

"So, you decided on a birth plan?"

"A birth...what?" She laughed.

"A birth plan."

"Uh, I'm gonna go to the hospital when it's time and have them get her out! What plan?" When she said this, it made him giggle. "What?" She asked with a mouthful of ice cream.

"You are in for such a rude awakening!" He informed her, still laughing.

"As long as they have the drugs, I'll be fine! I remember Kathy giving birth to Eli and I'm not looking for that!"

"So, I take it you aren't going for natural?"

"Nope. Serena and I have come to an understanding that I'll be much easier to deal with if I'm numb!" She said with a hand to her belly. Truthfully, she had given one aspect of it some thought; she knew that when the time came that she'd be doing it by herself and that thought scared the hell out of her. She didn't know if she'd be okay if suddenly she had flashbacks and because of that she didn't want to be alone but there were aspects of her pride that still remained even though Harlan had tried to smash it, and she just couldn't bring herself to bother anyone; not knowing that they all would have jumped at the chance to do it for her but she couldn't ask something so personal and revealing.

"If you'd let me, I'd like to be there… when you give birth. I think you could use the support and I don't want you to go through it alone."

"Oh, Elliot...I don't know I mean…" She didn't want to sound too anxious about it but, she still had her doubts. "That's a lot to see."

"I've been through it already with four kids, remember?"

"El; My body isn't...a lot's happened in the three years you were gone; I don't look the same." She confessed almost silently as she touched the back of her neck.

"You know I don't care about that, all I want..."

"Heads or tails?" Harlan questioned as he got up off her and cleaned himself with the gown he'd carelessly ripped from her body. The week following her first escape attempt and he hadn't stopped punishing her. She remembered that day after she'd blacked out from him pouring whiskey into her wound, she woke up the next morning by him brutally fucking her and when she was sure she'd pass out again, he slapped her hard, telling her 'let's test that theory'.

He'd nearly destroyed her down below; going on for hours as she just lay there gripping at anything but she could reach nothing but the straps that the restraints had been attached to and she held them for her life! Later, in indescribable pain from being so harshly used, she was now tied down on her stomach as he fucked her ass barbarically! She was a bloodied mess by the time he got up and she lay there in tears, copious amounts of blood mixed with the semen oozing out of her and onto the mattress.

"Oh don't wanna play daddy's game?" He asked as he threw the nightgown he had just wiped himself with and sat on the bed by her tear soaked face. See, I thought of another, more just punishment but immo give you a choice you see; ain't that nice a me?! Now, heads and I give you yer lower suprise first but tales, well, I get to give you yer whippin!"

She closed her eyes and let more tears fall out. She was in an unreal amount of pain but Harlan just went on and when she refused to choose…

"Alright then you stupid whore, let's get started!"

He carved his initials onto her mound followed by more whiskey then as if she hadn't suffered enough, he whipped her with a branch of switches from a tree before he fucked, just to get one last load in her for the day.

"You ain't never gettin out of here, don't try again!" He said in her ear, kissing the side of her face, and left her alone to bleed.

"...can I think about it?" She asked suddenly, pulling at the collar of her tee shirt, feeling the urge to run away and was already doing so as she got off the seat she was on and was making her way out of the kitchen.

"Just let me kn..." He said, looking over his shoulder at her as she went past and out of the back door. "Liv?"

Outside, she was a mess. Standing in the small backyard just trying to get air in her lungs while her tears dropped. Elliot came out a moment later, standing by the door.

"Liv?"

"Please, leave me alone Elliot, please!" she said with her back to him and crying.

"Liv, it's freezing out he-"

"I'm fine. Please just…" He started to speak but decided against it, it hurting him to leave her but he did as she wished, even though he was just inside by the door.

"I'm adopted!"

She wasn't supposed to find out. Not yet and not like this...well, he didn't actually care how she found out but she wasn't supposed to find out yet.

He'd supposed it was a good thing that the lawyer wasn't able to tell her anything about her father- thank god that Johnnie Lee had used her maiden name back then so there was no tie to Lewis, but man!

"We gotta move faster, that's all!" He said What ya sayin Harlan? You ain't gotta move faster, you just gotta make sure that she don't ever find out who her daddy is; what you need to be concerned about is gettin Olivia, that's what matters. Bronwyn, she ain't no big deal!" He said to himself, so pleased with how he thought this would all go down as he looked at the picture of Johnnie that he'd taken from Bronwyn unbeknownst to her.

"Gosh, you sure could take a punch, couldn't you? And for a tiny woman, hell, I musta fucked you half dead most of the time and you just came right back from it...kinda like Olivia! My god she can take a beatin, take a dick and lots of it! Kind a like you used to when I'd take you to the card games...you member that. I sure do you filthy slut! Me sitting back and watch you get fucked by every guy in the room some nights!"

Everything was going smooth in Harlan's world and he felt like a fucking king! He'd cheated death, evaded the law for a second time and soon he'd have more money than he knew what to do with, a dead wife and most importantly, he'd have his son. As for his mother; he wouldn't get rid of her so quickly, having decided that he'd squeeze another kid out of her if he could and if she couldn't, he'd enjoy her for a couple years and then he'd kill her. No bother he thought as he licked his lips at the picture in his hand, then turned to the one on his wall of Olivia as he stroked his hard on.

Good times ahead, indeed!

"Liv?" Elliot called to her as he walked in her room to find her sitting in the window seat with a blanket covering her legs and looking out at the darkness. She had showered and her hair was damp as she sat in her pajamas with all of the lights on as usual.

One thing that worried him was that she didn't show any outward signs of the episode she'd had earlier in the kitchen and he prayed that she was okay.

"Hey." She said as if suddenly pulled out of her thoughts to realize that he was there.

"I just wanted to…"

"See that I'm alright? I am, you don't have to worry." He shut the door and made his way across the room, to the window and sat.

"What?"

"Nothin… The Velveteen Rabbit?" He said, picking up the book.

"I was reading it to Serena. It calms her at night." She said, her hands on her stomach, rubbing gentle circles. Elliot smiled then just as quickly got sad again.

"She asleep?"

"I think so, yeah… She's lying on my kidney but she's out." She said still rubbing her belly.

"So, ready to go to Pennsylvania tomorrow?"

"As ready as I'll ever be." She said and turned her head back to the window.

"What happened in the kitchen…"

"...was nothing; I just had a bad memory and it got to me. That's all."

"Harlan?" She looked at him with teary eyes and nodded her head.

"Crazy right? I mean, I have so many other things to think about including the news I got today but here I am… Elliot I have to reach Brian, I have to know." She cried. "I didn't want to even think it when he first suggested it because I was so afraid that it wouldn't be but I have to know; I need to know my child didn't come from Harlan!"

"You already…"

"No! El, he was evil, and I've tried to tell myself for the sake of my little girl that it won't matter because she'll be loved but he...was so…evil! I can't go through life thinking that he might be her father. God forgive me, she'll turn out like him and I can't, El. I can't do it!

"We'll find him Liv. He's probably undercover right now but we'll find him. But right now, you can't do this! You cannot let the memory of that monster unhinge you, it's what he would want and you are stronger than that!"

"I'm not. Not with Serena coming in a little over 2 months and me not knowing… Maybe I'm falling apart because of the sentencing and the others that have been discovered but it doesn't change the fact of what he was!" Elliot got up and sat behind her, wrapping her in his arms so she could lay back against him and cry.

"It's okay."

"I have to test Brian, El. Promise me you'll find him!"

"I promise you; It'll be okay. You just have to trust the love that I know that you have for this little girl. It'll all be alright!"

"I'm gonna miss you." Darrell said and kissed Amanda who lay under him. She smiled.

"I'll only be gone a day and a half."

"But a day and a half!" He said. "You ready for some more of me?"

"You make leavin so hard!"

"I got your hard!" They laughed as he kissed her.

"Baby...I gotta go!"

"One more?" He kissed her "Just let me have you one more time until you're cumming, nice and hard from this dick!" He was talking as he ground his dick against her ass and she was already starting to come. "You know you want it; come on, give it to me!" He whispered, still planting seductive kisses.

"Damn you!" She said and turned to kiss him full on the mouth while he spread her legs with his knee and teased her before he entered her from behind. When she let out that whimpering moan, he knew that he was home again.

"Love making or fucked?" He said as stilled himself inside her. She was already so far gone that she couldn't hear him so he pulled out until there was just his tip inside and slammed all of his length into her, taking her breath and making her cum shoot out. "Love making or fucked?"

"Oh God...fucked, please!" He laughed when she jumped as her ejaculate pooled.

"Glad you're still here!" He said and got up on his knees, pulling her hair that he quickly wrapped around his fist as he put her ass in the air and got to work! Good lord she didn't know how she would walk tomorrow but she'd figure it out later!

"Hey, Liv…" El said as he shook her gently. She had finally fallen asleep in his arms after practically a whole night of him trying to soothe her. He hated to disturb her, he knew how tired she was but he had to let her know that he was on his way out having some errands to run before they left for Pennsylvania today.

"Jesus; is it morning already?" She groaned, partially opening her eyes. Her hair fell around her face and she was sleeping on her left side, her body thrown around a giant pillow and Elliot couldn't help staring at how absolutely beautiful she was. Mornings and pregnancy agreed with her. Hell, everything agreed with her. He thought as he kneeled down so she could better hear him in the slight voice he spoke so he wouldn't lure her from sleep.

"It's okay, don't get up. I just wanted to tell you that I'm leaving, I need to run some errands. I'll lock up so you don't have to worry." He said.

"Okay." She whispered and smiled. Stretching, exposing her belly and the large scar that started on her side and went down her back, then she settled against her pillow, her arm wrapped protectively around her daughter. Elliot caught glimpse of the scar and felt his blood boiling for a moment until she looked at him and he caught her sleepy brown eyes. "Could you bring me a strawberry cheesecake on your way back?"

He suddenly smiled, his anger somewhat alleviated. "I'll remember. Go back to sleep, I'll see you later." He told her but she was already out. He stood up and looked at her then kissed her forehead and covered her before he left her room.

"I have to test Brian, El. Promise me you'll find him!"

"Where are you, idiot?"

"Say something, God please!" Bronwyn begged as she knelt in front of the jar in a praying position. She had been at this for hours. Even now, pumping without stopping her a prayers and as Harlan made his way by the family room, he was sickened.

"Must be Sunday if you talkin ta god!"

"My god, yes. And it's not Sunday, silly. It's Tuesday!" She said and kept praying, never having turned to face him.

"This is just ri-damn-diculous!"

"Language in front of the lord, Harlan." She said, turning to the baby to apologize for Harlan's indiscretion. This set him off big time.

"My indiscre…?" and he snatched the jar up.

"Harlan, w-what are you doing? He doesn't mean it God." She cried to the jar, holding out her hands in hopes that Harlan would put it down before he caused any real damage.

"You just gone plain batshit! Talkin to a damn dead baby for weeks but this? I mean look at you, down there wit yer tits out to prayin ta the damn thing!"

"Harlan please, do-"

"Please don't, please don't! You crazy bitch, he's dead! I listened to you prayin to him all night and he's goddamn dead! When are you gonna get it through your skull?"

"Harlan, don't make god angry, it isn't kosher!" She cried.

"Don't make god…? He's a fucking corpse, you idiot!"

It was like watching slow motion only it wasn't a movie. Harlan raised the jar up over his head and from where she was kneeling on the floor, she watched in horror as he slammed it down on the hardwood floor so hard that it shattered on contact and formaldehyde splashed all over Bronwyn's face and exposed chest while Harlan proceeded to stomp on the baby, crushing him beneath his boot as Bronwyn screamed.

"There's yer god and now he's dead and I don't wanna hear another damn word about it. Now clean up this damn mess and when I get back it better be spotless; you got me? Hell, wastin time on a dead one when we got a live one comin soon!" But Bronwyn couldn't answer him, she was too busy screaming in tears so Harlan grabbed her hair, tightly to make himself heard. "Do you get me you fuckin cow?!"

"Yes sir." She cried.

"Good, get it movin!" He ordered and stormed out of the room, leaving Bronwyn there with a crushed baby and a broken jar that had drenched her in the solution that he once lay in. Her skin was starting to dehydrate in the areas that it touched but she just continued to cry on the floor, holding her baby in her hands.

"Just so you know, I did make the call about Brian."

"To IAB? What'd they say is he…?"

"Just that he'd put in for some time off, didn't say why, that was two days before he saw you at the hospital last."

"So in all probability he's probably just ignoring me? Gee, thanks a lot, Brian!"

"I'm sure he's not." She rolled her eyes, shaking her head. "Liv, he's most likely just on vacation somewhere and like most people, he turned his phone off. Don't worry, he comes back, we'll get it straightened out, I promise."

"El, I said some things that were pretty mean. He probably won't wanna hear from me even when he does come back."

"O ye of little faith! Alright, we gotta get going before traffic gets started. Fin, Nick and Rollins are gonna meet us there later so we're all set! Please, pee, I'll get your bags and snacks and load the car…"

"They're not snacks!"

"Fine, small meals?"

"Ha ha!" She laughed dryly as she got up to go to the bathroom. He quickly emptied her plate and put it in the dishwasher before going to the main hall to grab her bags and his.

Maybe it was because she was away from home, in an unfamiliar place. A place she never wanted to set foot in again but here she was, in Pennsylvania, where she'd spent three months of hell! But she couldn't get to sleep that night. Though this time, she was in a hotel room at 9PM as opposed to a house where she was locked away; imprisoned for the sick fantasies of a twisted man and his equally twisted friends.

She lay in bed that night running the fingers of both hands over her belly. Elliot, just down the hall but she wished that she had asked him to stay with her. She could at least rest in knowing that he was a mere few feet away but still she wished.

Tomorrow she would go to court. She would sit and face fifteen of the men who had done the unthinkable to her. She would hear them and see them...be close enough to touch them- suddenly her baby jumped.

"I thought you were sleeping..." She said while her hand was on her naked swell, rubbing gently. "looks like we got hiccups huh?" The baby jumped again under her hand.

"Okay, how about we get up?" after she struggled for a minute she was finally in a standing position; sort of. All the movement made her tired so she took a moment resting against the wall before she walked out of the bedroom soothing her baby after she'd hiccupped again.

"It's alright little one" she sang as she buttoned her sleep shirt and then went to the suite connecting doors in the living room and opened hers, knocking on Elliot's. She was surprised with how fast he opened up. Jesus, did this man ever wear shirts at night? She wondered staring at him there in his sweatpants with no shirt. She totally forgot the reason she had knocked and there it was again, those feelings that she thought had surely left her only this time they were ridiculously strong and she was ridiculously embarrassed.

"Uh, d-did I wake you?" She asked, silently willing her body to calm down.

"No, no I'm not sleeping what's wrong are you okay?" He wondered as she kept staring.

"What? No, I'm fine I just um...I thought…" oh dear god! She thought as her area up top joined in on the party and she genuinely forgot why she had knocked. Thankfully the baby hiccupped again and it brought her back as she touched her belly. "Right! Pineapple juice!" She exclaimed as he looked at her weird.

"Pineapple juice?"

"The baby has hiccups and pineapple juice..."

"Oh, right. I'll call up room service. Uh while you; you um…" He gestured by pointing to his own chest. It was a moment before she looked down to see that her breasts were leaking like crazy and had completely soaked through her sleep shirt.

She stood there with her mouth open before she slammed the door in embarrassment and kept going to her room. Elliot stood on his side of the door. "So I'm gonna get that pineapple juice!"

...

"...it happens to almost every pregnant woman, Liv. You don't have to be embarrassed, not around me!" They were sitting on her couch with her doing everything she could to avoid looking at him while she drank her juice in silence.

"Can we not talk about it?"

"Why? Would you be so embarrassed if we were married?"

"Elliot…"

"No, I wanna know. Would you?"

"We're not married"

"That's not what I asked."

"I don't know, I… No, I guess I wouldn't but we're not married! Why...is that something you…"

"Think about? Do you?"

"Oh no, I asked you first!" She smiled causing him to smile.

"I love seeing you like this"

"Like what?"

"Just happy." He said.

"I shouldn't be after springing a leak but…" she said as Elliot laughed. "Of course you'd find that funny!"

"I'm sorry!" He laughed and gently caught her hand and pulled her to him, putting his arm around her. She froze.

"I'll debate If you're forgiven." She said as she looked at his arm.

"Is this okay?" He asked

"It's uh...m-maybe we shouldn't" She said as she pulled away and moved over to the corner of the couch. She hadn't quite calmed from her wanting him and needed the space between them.

"We okay?" He asked, feeling some sort of way.

"Yeah; we're fine." She assured him. The baby had finally calmed from her hiccups and settled down and Olivia ran her hand across her belly.

"Thank you." She said, quickly changing the subject.

"For what?"

"You and Serena, you've kept my mind off of tomorrow and you got me through a really tough time last night. I don't think I properly thanked you…"

"You don't have to thank me, Liv."

"But I do. You don't know what it's like to be so haunted by memories, to have them make you doubt everything you know. Last night I was really on edge and if you hadn't been there… Thank you! I mean that. Now if I can get through tomorrow…"

"You nervous?"

"I am but I think I can do it. You guys are by my side right?"

"Always! Why don't you try for some sleep, I'll camp out here!"

"Oh…" She wasn't exactly expecting that he'd call it a night so soon but he was right. It was late and she did need sleep but… "Are you sure?"

"Yeah, go on, get some sleep." He stood up and held out his hands for her to grab.

"Okay…" She said as he pulled her up. "Goodnight"

"Goodnight… And Liv, just so you know; I do think about it...a lot!" She nodded, trying to keep her smile at bay but failing miserably as it beamed across her face. Thankfully he couldn't see it.

"See you in the morning!" She smiled with her back to him and went on into her bedroom, shutting the door.

I know, I know, 'why did I end it here'? Well, because it needed to. Next chapter, things get back to crazy (sorry) so see you then. Leave a review if the spirit moves you. See y'all next time.