Chapter 65

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"They're finally down!" Amanda said as she came into the living room. "Did Fin go?"

"Yes, he said to tell you that he got called to a case." Eugenia said as Amanda sat in the comfy, blue overstuffed armchair and put her feet up. "He's a nice young man."

"He's good." Amanda said proudly, wondering if she should take this time to tell Eugenia that she and Fin were actually seeing each other and not just buddies like she thought, but...

"You know- and it's just a suggestion. But Imani doesn't nurse anymore, perhaps it's time to get Darrell weaned. I've seen him at the breast three times already since you got home a few hours ago."

Amanda sat up straighter, "I appreciate your concern, but the twins are only 15 months old. Imani hasn't exactly quit because she still drinks it, just from a cup and Trey isn't ready to give up breastfeeding and personally, I'm in no rush to force it along," she put her feet down on the floor. "...and honestly, it's not your place to monitor how often my son nurses from me!"

"You're right and I apologize. Actually... I was thinking all through dinner how I was going to broach this with you,"

"Broach what?"

"Darrell and Imani… I just; Amanda they're both well over a year old now, and well with you getting back to work, getting into your groove again…"

"My groove?" She giggled, genuinely amused. "Eugenia; and I mean no disrespect, but how do you even know what my groove was? Darrell couldn't even tell you about me when he was alive because he knew you'd freak out over me bein a white girl. It didn't matter how much I loved him."

"There's so much that you just don't understand,"

"Help me, then."

"You and Darrell; you were just from different worlds and it was not just because you're white and he was black,"

"Meaning?"

"My son was raised since he was born, to be great. He spoke seven languages, went to the best schools, traveled the world extensively… Darrell was expected to marry a woman of his own class and breeding. He came from a very cultured world-"

"And I what? I'm just a hillbilly who wasn't good enough? I loved your son!"

"Honey, I know you did. And I'm so thankful that although Darrell is gone, a part of him lives on in those babies. It's why I came. I want you and the children to move with me to DC."

"...what?"

"Amanda, think about it. I have a huge home, the kids have acres of land to run around on, fresh air…"

"That's...that's a great off- beyond a great offer but, I Eugenia, I have a life here,"

"You can transfer your job to DC, and you could always keep the apartment. It was, after all, Darrell and your place, where you fell…" she suddenly grew silent and it was so obvious that she was trying to fight tears that had suddenly come to her eyes. Amanda, not knowing what else to do, reached over, and wondering what was wrong other than her usual melancholy over Darrell, and gave her a tissue.

"Thank you dear." She said and began dabbing at her eyes. Amanda now knew something was wrong, because Eugenia never used anything but a handkerchief. She absolutely hated those throwaways as she called them and refused to ever use them. Forgetting herself, she called Eugenia by the twins nickname for her,

"Mamaw, what's wrong?"

Eugenia couldn't help but give a hearty laugh through her tears, making Amanda realize her mistake and laugh with her. "I'm dying Amanda...and I would really love... to spend whatever time I have left- Darrell's gone and they are all I have left of him. Please let me have this." She cried as Amanda sat there, taking Eugenia into her arms, in utter shock.

"...we got at least sixteen this time, just itching ta get to that pregnant body. Three days. Oh and and we startin a couple hours early so we can accommodate em."

His words cut through her just as if they were the sharpest of knives and her tears became heavier as she tried to process this. Sixteen men. At least sixteen. He can't have possibly booked so many! It's been twelve or thirteen consistently; not that that's nothing, but sixteen? Her frail body shook as he went on but she paid him no mind. She could barely take him tonight. He knew how uncomfortable she was, how everything hurt but he didn't care as he tied her arms down and took her from behind while she begged and cried.

"You...you said that the last group was it, and now you're telling me that there's gonna be even more?" She said through a voice laced with tears.

"Oh but darlin, as long as you got this..." he said as he grabbed her belly and palmed it while she fought the urge to vomit again. "You know, every one of the ten or so times I come to tell you we havin this lil get together; you bitch about it. Why come?" We asked as he stood, buckling his pants, he honestly expected an answer from her. And with an already anguished mind, she fell into sobs, crying in an already broken voice.

"Because I can't do it!" She cried pitifully "...I just want to be left alone; please…"

"But darlin' we caint keep em away." he smiled. She was so damn cute when she knew her place and begged him for favors he thought as he turned to go but she quickly stopped him.

"Harlan, please..." she said through her tears, grabbing his arm as he tried to leave. She couldn't do this again. Not when she was this close to delivering. And not when she was already in so much pain, never given the chance to heal from the onset of more before Harlan, or Doc, or even another group was on her again. "Please! Just-just cancel it! I'll do anything!"

Amused as he ran his hand through her hair and gripped it in his fist, pulling it hard. He caused her head to snap back as she flinched from the pain. "Darlin...you already do! Now you rest up. Wouldn't want our star not shinin!"

"I won't do it! I can't do-"

Before she could finish, he pulled her out of the bed so fast that she stumbled over, but quickly put her hands down to shield her stomach from the fall. "And what do ya think'll happen if you don't...huh?"

The anger seemed to flow through him fluidly as he stood above her looking down at her, lying there on the floor at his feet and sobbing. "Ya know, all these months and still with the mouth!"

Her headache was now so bad that it felt like her head would explode as she started to pull herself up.

"No no. Stay down" He said but she was panicking, she knew that she'd angered him and she tried to turn it around.

"I-I'm sorry, I-I didn't mean-"

He pulled her hair even tighter and twisted it around his fist. "Now out of my own kindness I'm givin you three days, and at the end of those three days you better perform like yer life is ridin on it cuz don't forget, I can still end it as soon as my boy comes outta there!" WHACK! He slapped her so hard that her nose started to bleed again. "Why do you make me do this do this darlin?"

Suddenly, she woke up gasping. She was in her house, in her bed. It was dark out with the moonlight shining through the window. When did I fall asleep? She wondered.

Elliot was sound asleep beside her. Still breathing heavily, she gently moved her fingers through what his thick, wavy salt and pepper hair as he slept so peacefully it matched the well kept beard that covered his chin and she smiled at this beautiful man. What did I do to deserve you? She thought as she then placed a hand against her own chest and breathed. Her heart was pounding so fast it felt like it would jump out of her as sweat soaked through her nightgown and she struggled to sit up.

The motion of the bed woke Elliot and he jumped out of his sleep.

"Liv, what's wrong?" He said in an almost quiet voice that was laced with the sleep he'd just woken from. Should she tell him that yet another dream happened in the same night?

"It's nothing," she said as she caressed his face lovingly. She loved him so much and she knew that undoubtedly, so why did she not feel like she could talk to him about this? Two bad dreams in one night. She hadn't had that happen in so long; remembering how in the beginning after she'd gotten rescued, she was plagued by nothing but memories of Harlan, of that place all the time. Those dreams lessened and eventually disappeared after Serena was born. She was her saving grace in so many ways but now, they're back again and worse than she can remember; if you can ever really classify nightmares whether real or semi-real as better or worse. Quietly, she looked at the clock on the nightstand, 3:44AM. She'd always heard that three o'clock in the morning was the devil's hour. Fitting being that the literal devil had worked himself into her subconscious again.

"The baby's just really kicking." She said, noticing just now that he really was kicking the hell out of her, but in her panic, she'd missed it. She wasn't now however. Now she felt it and wished to God that it would stop as the baby inside her kicked against her ribs and she absently rubbed her belly to calm it. He was actually hurting her.

"Just a few more weeks and you'll be out here in the world, little man." He smiled while joining her hands on her belly. Getting so stoked when the baby kicked heavily beneath his palm.

"Elliot…"

He read the look on Olivia's face, one that told him she didn't enjoy this and he switched gears. "Alright little one, how about you simmer down for mommy?"

"I'm gonna go to the bathroom. Go back to sleep." she said as she slowly raised herself up out of bed and felt her way through the dark to reach their bathroom. She shut the door, turning on the lights and stripped off her sweat-soaked nightgown.

Stepping into the shower stall and experiencing that first cold blast of water, she shivered as it quickly heated and enveloped her in a soothing warmth which she quickly got lost in, letting the water cascade over her hair and body. The baby immediately recognized the sound of the water and happily began moving about. Olivia stood there with her hand on her belly, looking down at it before taking in the scars that littered her skin for a moment. Deciding not to linger on them before she reached for her shampoo and lathered her hair, washing it quickly before she rinsed the suds which traveled down her body before going down the drain.

She immediately went tense when she felt a pair of hands on her body, and she jumped, standing holding the wall in front of her, absorbing the shock of the moment.

"El, you scared me," She said, controlling her breathing and not letting her voice show how utterly terrified she had been for just that second.

He kissed the back of her wet head. "I'm sorry. I heard the shower start up and thought I'd come and keep you company. You okay?"

"I am now," she said, honestly feeling better than she was a moment ago when she woke up.

"You woke up and I thought at first that maybe you'd had another dream," He grabbed the portable shower head and started to rinse the excess suds from her hair

"No" she lied. "Like I said, just annoyed with the kicking…" -which thankfully, had stopped. She held her head back, smiling as his fingers worked through her long hair and down her back. After a moment, he put the shower head back on the wall and his strong arms came up around her breasts and soft lips kissed her neck, lingering there as his hands proceeded to caress her belly. She dropped one of her hands, putting it on top of his and he intertwined their fingers and he, enveloped her smaller hand in his as he leaned and rested his chin on her shoulders. She brought their joined hands to her lips to kiss his, prompting him to kiss her lips- softly at first before letting her hand slip from his and holding her head to bring her lips closer; kissing her deeper as his other hand pulled at her nipple.

"Is this okay?" He whispered against her lips, taking his hand from her hair, snaking his fingers down to her engorged clit. She nodded as she moaned, already lost in the feel of him.

"It's just ...ohhhhh, baby right there! What if, what if the kids hear us?" She kissed him.

"They're all asleep…" he said with more kisses and if they hear us, they're adults, they'll deal with it!" He continued his assault on her clit while dropping his head to suck her nipple, she gripped his head to stop him.

"El, no." She said as she pulled his head away and up so she was looking at his gorgeous face. She was still uncomfortable with the idea of him using his mouth on her in that way. Yes, she knew that he only wanted to give her pleasure; give them both a sense of pleasure, but still, she couldn't and thankfully, he understood. Even after the last two years he was still patient with her and she was so thankful for it.

She kissed him sultrily with her head turned back to him there under the running water and he claimed her mouth again, using his tongue as he started to pull at her other nipple. She cried out while he continued to make circles around her clit and she began squeezing her thighs together- damn, he felt so good!

"That's it baby, let go for me!" He whispered as he began applying pressure directly to the head of her clitoris.

"I want you in me...oh god, El, now...from behind!" She blushed a little in saying it and thanked God that she had her back to him.

Behind?! She hadn't said that to him since- well ever. "...are you sure?"

She wasn't really sure at all but she knew this man. She knew that he loved her and that if she changed her mind for whatever reason, he'd stop.

"It's okay, I want it." She wanted it so bad even though she was a little embarrassed to be asking him for it. She hadn't had sex this way since William and Harlan, and honestly, back then she never thought she would again. "Just keep talking to me; please baby. Just keep talking to me!" She whispered, feeling euphoric when he slid into her all the way, never taking his fingers away from her clit and held her with the other arm while he slowly moved his hips to work his way in and out of her, and whispering her how much he loves her over and over.

"...you're okay?"

"I'm okay ...oh my god!" She cried while moving her hips into him. She'd forgotten how incredible it was to have someone this way, to feel him so deep inside her without trying to hurt her. She quickly began trying to get him in deeper.

"Take what you need, baby."

"Hold me closer El ...please fuck me harder!" Caught up himself, he did exactly as she demanded, fucking her in hard thrusts as he held her close to him and caressed her neck with his lips before he licked her lips and kissed them..

"Holy shit!" He uttered. Between the depth with which he was fucking her and her moaning...god, she felt so incredible this way that he could feel himself ready to cum. "Liv…"

She responded with quick breaths and a holler as she came quick, leaning with her head against the wall. Oh god, El fuck me!" She cried out in the throes of her orgasm and she started to squirt hard as she squeezed her legs together. That did it for him seeing her cum this way and he was right behind her, rutting and spilling an incredible amount inside her as he let loose an animalistic growl.

"I need to see you" She said, gripping his hand and leaning back against him, breathing hard as she came back down, she and Elliot sharing tender kisses.

"You alright?" He said, breathing just as hard as she was. She assured him that she was before he pulled out and turned her around, taking her mouth, exploring it with his tongue while he lifted her, putting her back against the door to the shower and was back inside her as she wrapped her long legs around him. She quickly reached up and held the door for traction, he was fucking her so hard!

"Look at me Liv; that's it baby, keep your eyes on me!"

She was still so sensitive from cumming and with him now brushing up against her clit every time he came in, she could feel herself cumming again. "Oh my…." She let out a shriek and dropped her head against his shoulder, biting into it to quiet her scream as she bucked fiercely against him and started to weep. "El, lay me down!"

"Are you alright?" Nick asked Amanda as they were sitting in a restaurant having lunch.

"Just got a lot on my mind," she said as she took a bite from her sandwich.

"I'm a great listener,"

"I know. And when the time's right, I'll let you."

"Alright." He said and looked at his plate that she was now stealing food from. "...you know, you've been at the ME's office for a while now, don't you have people there that you can steal lunch from?" He said, bumping her playfully as she took half of his burger. "How do you manage to eat so much and stay thin?"

But Amanda was busy chewing a bite of burger along with a mouthful of fries. She stopped and took a big slurp from her milkshake and swallowed before she spoke.

"You try breastfeeding a one year old on demand and pumping for his sister. I swear, it's burnt before I eat it!" She said before she took a huge bite out of her turkey club. "God, I'm starving!"

Nick watched her eat ravenously for a few seconds before his eyes went wide.

"Oh my God,"

"Oh your god, what?" another bite of the burger she stole from Nick.

He dropped his voice to whisper. "Are you pregnant?"

Amanda dropped the food onto her plate then took a drink from her milkshake and then a big sip of water before she bust out laughing hysterically.

"Come on, you got great babies"

"The babies are the only good part. You have the throwing up, the sore swollen everything, you're tired all the time, your bladder and control of that bladder becomes a fond memory. And the aliens move inside you...they move! And if that's not enough, you then have to go through the absolute hell that is labor and birth ...those twins are my whole life but I'm so glad they came in a set because I will never, ever-"

"Not even if Darrell were here and wanted more?"

Amanda got quiet, seeming lost in her memories of him and thinking about the present as well. About their babies and how much of him she sees in them. Nick noticed. How could he not and he immediately regretted bringing him up.

"Amanda, I'm sorry. I didn't mean…"

"Trey laughed the other day, which made Mani laugh with him. Nick I swear, it was like Darrell was back, and he was sitting in front of me. I just miss him so much. And now his mom is dying, and she wants me and the babies to move to DC… Anyway, how are you and Carolyn doin?"

"I've been wanting to propose now for a week but every time, I've been called away, or she's been called away and this ring is burning a hole in my pocket," just then his cell phone rang. "Yeah Fin? ...don't worry I'm on it. Okay man, say hi to Liv for me." he said then hung up. "I gotta go, hut we should all get together,"

"Yeah, I'll call you. Go." She said. He grabbed what was left of his half of the burger and headed out. "...can I get this to go?" She said to the waitress.

...

"Look at you. You look like you're gonna burst!" Fin said as he came into the bedroom and kissed Olivia, then sat down on the bed.

"I feel like I'm gonna burst," she said as she rubbed her large belly. What are you doing here?" She was so excited to see him in spite of her mindset right now.

"I wanted your input on a case. So where's Elliot? I thought he'd be glued to you until you delivered."

"Don't remind me. He took Serena to her ballet class."

"Problems?"

"Not like you think,"

"You know you can talk to me"

Fin had been the person she trusted most since this whole ordeal began and she knew that she could trust him now and was so glad to get it off her chest. "Yesterday- I had an episode; a dream. I don't know where it came from or why-"

"Harlan?"

"Fin...it scared me so bad!" She said with tears in her eyes that she wouldn't let fall, but Fin handed her a few tissues anyway. "I fell asleep in the tub and suddenly I was back there, in that room and it felt so real. I could feel everything. The fear in the pit of my stomach when he called to me. The worry I used to feel every time I couldn't get to him fast enough...his touch, his breath and he was on me" Olivia said as she bawled up only to tear at the tissues in the hand, over and over. "I thought those dreams were over with yet here they are."

"...and you wouldn't talk to Elliot?"

"He wouldn't understand,"

"How would you know if you don't give him the chance? Liv, it's been well over two years, he's been here for all of this."

"Fin, I-"she started to tell him about her fears concerning the baby when she heard the doorbell again and Barba soon came upstairs.

He had a look on his face that told Liv right away that something was wrong and she shivered. It was bad. And a fear induced 'what?' was her greeting to him.

He had a grim look on his face.

"Counselor…" Fin said to him.

"Hey Fin." He took a beat before he turned back to Olivia. "Samuel. Abernathy."

Olivia looked at him, lost. "...your favorite author? Should that name mean something to me?"

"Two and a half years ago-"

"I'm gonna give you guys some privacy" Fin said as he got up, but Olivia grabbed his arm and without looking at him. She had a feeling she knew what Rafael would say and she needed Fin there. Fin sat back down, this time in the chair by the bed and put a hand on her shoulder.

Rafael looked down, gathering the courage. He hated to bring this to her, especially now. It had been two years and she'd fought so hard to get to where she was now; to get to some semblance of normal. She was married, she had another baby that was due any day now and he had to be the one to-

"Raf? Who is he?" Olivia asked again. Her baby was now kicking like crazy. So much so that Fin and Rafael could see her belly moving as she rubbed it hoping to calm him down. "...Barba? What aren't you saying?"

...

More soon