Chapter 66

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Barba was quiet as he thought of how he'd broach this. "...Elliot, where is he?"

"Why do you need Elliot?" Olivia asked nervously, fidgeting with the hem of her shirt.

"Olivia…"

"Is this about him?" No answer. "Rafael, please. Can we not do this? If this is about me, let's talk about it." Fin could see the anxiety that was quickly building in her as she grabbed the sheets on her left side and bunched them tight in her fist.

"Liv, you okay?" Fin said to her, low and calmly with his hand on her shoulder. She wasn't.

"I'm fine," she lied, not turning to look at Fin but keeping her gaze on Barba as she rubbed the left side of her belly, the baby was under her ribs and going insane with kicks.

Barba looked at her with sad eyes, then looked at Fin and then back to her. He took a deep breath, then sat down in the chair at her bedside, drawing a deep breath before he spoke.

"There was an arrest in Connecticut…"

Elliot and Serena got home a little later, Serena eating a giant cookie and had chocolate all over her face as they walked in the door. Elliot bent down to remove her coat, careful of her cookie while in the kitchen, Olivia had been crying but quickly wiped her eyes when she heard Elliot and Serena.

"We're gonna be in so much trouble!" Elliot said, hoping that Olivia wouldn't be too upset that he'd given in to Serena again with the sugar. But she was so cute and even cuter when she was happy; he really couldn't resist.

"No daddy, you're going to be in so much trouble. I'm only a baby!" Serena said then took a bite out of her very large cookie.

"It was your idea! You are the big one,"

"I'm the big one..." he said as he tickled her tummy and she giggled uncontrollably though holding her cookie tight.

"Yes!" She said laughing.

"Don't worry, I'll take the trouble," He said and picked her up, kissing her cheek and getting chocolate on his lips that he licked off. "Liv…?" He hollered as he started to go upstairs. He was surprised when Olivia's voice came from the kitchen.

"In here…" she hollered back to him as she fixed her face.

Elliot got a look of concern on his face as he rushed towards the kitchen with Serena in his arms, who was busy with her cookie. "What are you doing down here?" He said, as he reached her, suddenly noticing how great the kitchen smelled. She was at the sink rinsing vegetables. Was she making a roast?

Turning around and setting the colander on the counter "Hello to you t- dammit Elliot!" She said upon seeing Serena, her face covered in chocolate and took her from his arms."

"Dammit daddy" Serena repeated as she bit her cookie.

"Baby, don't…" Olivia said quietly as she held Serena. "Mommy's sorry."

"I sorry too, mommy."

"Are you changing the subject?" Elliot asked.

"I'm not changing the subject, Elliot, believe me. But am I supposed to ignore my daughter covered in chocolate?" She said and kissed Serena's head. "How was ballet class baby?"

"Good!" She sang and fed Olivia a piece of her cookie.

She sat Serena down in her highchair and surprisingly, didn't take the cookie away, letting her have it. Serena looked on, happy and continued eating. She kissed Serena before getting breast milk from the fridge and putting it in her cup.

"Thank you mommy."

"You're welcome sweet girl." She said, then sat in one of the chairs at the table.

Elliot looked at Liv. "So what are-"

"El, I'm fine. I just, I was going crazy from being in bed all the time and since I can't clean, I figured I'd cook."

"Honey, the doctor put you on bedrest for a reason,"

"She also said now that I'm near the end, I can be up a couple of hours every day as long as I feel okay, and I feel fine"

"I'm sorry. I just worry about you and this little one." He went to touch her belly but she shifted, avoiding his hand. Which didn't go unnoticed. She hadn't really let him touch her there at all this pregnancy. He had just put it out of his mind until now, but... "Look, I know it's frustrating…"

"El, please. I checked my pressure, it's good in spite of…" she caught herself before she said something she didn't want to talk about. But he knew then that something was off. She couldn't hide the fact that she'd been crying, and he decided to focus on what it was as he took a seat at the table beside her.

"What's wrong?"

"Who said anything's wrong?" She said picking at her nails.

"Liv look at me. What's wrong?" He said again, softly and her eyes filled with tears.

"I'll talk about it later," she said wiping her eyes, then looked at Serena who has just about finished her milk, before she got up and went to her. Elliot was anxious to know, but he understood why she didn't want to talk with Serena around.

Serena, who had finally eaten through the center of the cookie, looked at both remaining pieces, one in each hand before she threw them down on the tabletop of the chair.

"Mommy, I don't want it anymore."

"Okay my Angel," She went and undid Serena from the chair and picked her up. "Thank daddy for the sugar rush that's coming, because he's going to stay up with you until you crash!"

"Thank you daddy for...sugar and...I'm crashing…" she said as best she could remember. Olivia and Elliot got a chuckle from it and laughed. Both of them kissing Serena on opposite sides of her head at the same time.

"Please...just, don't worry." She whispered and kissed him on the lips. He held her afterwards for a long moment.

"Okay princess, bath time." He said, and lifted Serena from Olivia's arms.

"Mommy, is daddy in trouble?"

"Big trouble!" Olivia laughed as she kissed Serena again. Okay my love, go have your bath. I'll see you in a bit okay?"

Serena agreed, and she and Elliot left the kitchen leaving Olivia standing by the counter island. She watched them walk away before she turned around and began cleaning Serena's high chair.

"...he got hold of seven of those recordings, mainly Harlan and Doc assaulting you but- Liv, he also got the recordings of the gang rapes…"

Those words were still stabbing at her head even though she'd done a good job at holding it together so far, but she wasn't sure how much longer that would last. Two years later and just when she thought that she had closed the book on this chapter of her life, here it was opening again and she didn't know how she was going to deal with it. Again.

Later that evening, Amanda was preparing to leave work when there was a knock at her office door.

"Come in" She said as she straightened up, putting the files in her hand in her desk drawer. She was surprised when the door opened and it was Fin who came in. "Hey you." She said, smiling as she kissed him. "I was just heading home." She said as she leaned in, her hands around his neck, nuzzling at it but he didn't respond, appearing lost in thought. "Hey...what's wrong?"

"It's Liv. I went over there to get her input on a case and Barba came by,"

"Barba? Why would he-"

"It's bad Manda. This guy, Abernathy, he got hold of some of the recordings from when Liv was with Harlan-"

"Oh no…"

"He's been selling them for two years and nobody caught him until now,"

"Wait, so hundreds-"

"...possibly thousands. And the worst part is, they have no idea how he got hold of them."

At Eugenia's hotel suite…

"How are the babies?" Adelaide, Darrell's oldest sister asked as she was about to go and scrub in for surgery. "Hope they're surviving with that woman!"

"The children are great, and beautiful, and so smart. Darrell looks just like a light-skinned version of his father."

"Two years and I still miss him so much!"

"Well, not to worry, I should be coming home with his children very soon."

"She's letting them out of her sight? I didn't think she trusted us niggers with our own flesh and blood!"

"Not exactly. She's coming with us."

"Mother…"

"Adelaide, remember, you have to break a few eggs…"

"...to make an omelet." Adelaide finished somewhat lackluster in her tone.

"Anyway, I still need to call Catherine and Beverly…"

"It's okay, I have to get scrubbed in, so I'll call you later. Kiss my niece and nephew for me." And she hung up.

Eugenia sat back, fondling the locket she wore around her neck that contained pictures of Darrell Senior and Junior. She missed them both incredibly, but her son, it was still as if a giant piece of her soul were still missing. She had loved that boy with every bit of who she was. Of course her daughters meant the world to her, but Darrell had been like a breath of fresh air from the moment he'd come into the world. He was her light.

When Darrell called and told her that he'd married Amanda it broke her heart. They'd gone to Las Vegas and said 'I do' and she was beside herself. Her only son was supposed to marry a black woman, not a white redneck from Georgia! Still he'd done it so what else could she do but be receiving? But then he'd gotten killed on the job, the job she never wanted him to have in the first place; all before he'd had the time to come to senses about Amanda and annul the marriage. Eugenia was beside herself at losing him but when they found out not a week later that Amanda and Darrell had conceived, she was thankful that a part of him would live on and was even more thrilled when Amanda told her that she was having twins. Still she never liked her but she'd say and do whatever it took to be in her grandchildren's lives. Darrell's children.

And Eugenia was determined that they would be brought up the way their father had. Even if she had to get creative with the truth. A lot could change in a year.

Over at Nick's apartment, he walked in the door to silence, and then heard a noise coming from his bedroom and smiled.

"Querido?" He called as he walked towards the room. He was confused when he walked inside and saw Carolyn packing her things.

"What's going on?"

"What's going on is that I'm cleaning out my things and taking them back to my place." She said as she took the last pile of clothes from her drawer in his dresser and stuffed it in her Louis Vuitton tote bag that was open on his bed.

"Why?"

"Why?" She asked and rolled her eyes while she zipped her bag.

"Okay, did I miss something?"

"I just can't anymore."He started to speak "...I've spent two years with you Nicolas, two! And what do I have to show for it?" He tried again to speak. "...I'll tell you what. Nothing! Dos años he perdido mi tiempo. Mi reloj biológico ha estado marcando como loco, pero lo ignoré porque pensé que esto, iríamos hacia el matrimonio y los hijos …hijos…"

"Caro.." he called softly, still leaning on the doorframe. But she was too in her feelings to even look his way and fumbled with the zipper on her bag.

"What?!" She yelled in tears that she hadn't meant to cry. At least, not in front of him. But the way she's been feeling finally came to a head and now she couldn't hold them back as she was trying unsuccessfully to make the zipper move.

"Will you turn around please?"

"No. I don't wanna look at you because if I do, I'll get sucked back in and I need to go, I need to…" she fought with the zipper on her bag until she broke it and in turn broke down and cried as she stood there over the bag. Nick walked over to her, and with her back still turned to him, he put his arms around her. Immediately she began to protest, trying to get out of his arms but he held strong. "Please let me go"

"That's not what you want"

"Now you're concerned with what I want?"

"I'm always concerned with what you want!" And he turned her around to face him. "Don't you love me? Because I love you more than-""

"Don't! Why won't you marry me if you love me so much like you claim-"

"Claim?" Nicolas had to laugh. "Caro, you know that I love you."

"You say you do"

"I prove I do every day."

"I don't wanna do this. I just came to get my things-"

"Caro…"

"No…"

"Carolyn, look at me" he said, lifting her chin when she couldn't look him in the eyes. Nick jumped from shock. Her mascara was running down her face and she looked downright scary.

"Stop it!" She cried, hitting him on the chest and then burying her head there. He kissed her head and held her tighter as she cried.

"You're not going anywhere" he whispered.

"Yes I am!" She sniffled. I'm leav-"

"You're not." He said, keeping one arm around her and going inside his jacket with the other hand.

"I don't want your handkerchief!"

"Shhhhh!" He fished the ring box from his inner pocket but obscured it with his hand. "This isn't the way I wanted to do this," he kissed her hand then got down on his knee."

"What are you-?"

"Do you know how much begging I had to do for your father to say yes?"

"My father? ...what?"

"I called him a week ago. Carolyn, if you'd given me the chance, I wanted to do this romantically, something you could remember and brag about. I love you Carolyn. You are the one for me and I wouldn't ever, ever risk losing you." He revealed the ring box and she, cried even harder as she stood there, her hand in his as she realized.

"What are you doing?!" She asked stupidly, in tears. "You were planning to do this all along and I ruined it…. Mi amor, lo siente!" She cried and he immediately got up and held her.

"No querida. No lo arruinaste. It doesn't matter how I got here, all that matters is I am. And I want you to be my wife more than anything. I knew that from the second I met you, when I stole a look at you on that elevator," she laughed through her tears, remembering that day. "You're everything to me Caro, and I want you to marry-"

"Yes!" She said in tears. "Yes, I'll marry you!" She threw her arms around his neck, hugging him tight and kissing his face. "Put it on me?"

"I thought you'd never ask!" He opened the ring box to reveal a two carat, cushion-cut diamond set in a diamond encrusted platinum band. She gasped at the ring as he put it on her hand, being absolutely in love with it.

"No getting rid of us Amaro!"

"Wait…"us"?" His heart was beating fast and he was at a loss for words. "Are you…"

Teary eyed, she nodded. "I just found out this morning. Are you happy?"

"Happy?" He was blown away and could barely speak much less comprehend.

"I know that I should have been upfront, but I got scared and I-" She didn't get to say another word as he took her in his arms and kissed her, so full of gratitude and passion.

"I love you!" He whispered to her, running his hand across her stomach. "And I love you!" He said to the baby. "Even though you don't have ears yet to hear me. Pero voy a hacer que tú y tu mamá estén tan felices." he smiled while she ran her hands through his hair.

"You already make me happy!" She said to him, bringing his head up to kiss his lips.

...

"Did I tell you how delicious dinner was tonight?" Elliot said as he walked into he and Olivia's bedroom where she was sitting in bed putting on lotion.

She smiled. "You did, but I love hearing it."

He walked to the bed, climbing across it to kiss her on the lips and lay beside her propped up on his arm. "Serena is finally asleep you'll be happy to know."

"I bet you'll think twice before giving her so much sugar, next time." She grinned as she put her lotion on the nightstand.

"That I will. So, now that we're alone, what was it that had you so on edge?"

"I wasn't on edge…"

"Liv. I know you better than anyone, and I know when you're upset. Please don't do this, we made a promise that there'd be nothing we can't talk about to each other, no matter what it is,"

Her eyes got teary and she quickly took a deep breath through her nose to stop them from falling. While it felt good to finally talk about this with someone, that nervousness and fear was still there.

"Talk to me baby." He said to her softly as he rubbed her wrist with his thumb. She looked down at his hand for a moment before she slowly began to speak.

"You ever wish that you could disappear?"

"There have been times that I had so much regret about things, I've wanted to."

"I just...I can't seem to shut out that part of my life,"

"By that part, you mean…"

"Barba came by today while Fin was here. They arrested a man in Connecticut this morning..."

"Connecticut?" He said as he got up and came around to sit with her. What could Barba have come to see her about?

"…Samuel Abernathy, 52 years old. He had a huge inventory that… they um, they…" she had to stop to wipe the tears that came rushing out.

"Liv, baby what is it?"

"I can't," she cried looking down at her belly.

Elliot's heart broke to see her this way. Every day of the last two and a half years she worked so hard to get past this, to have some semblance of normal and now between the dreams and whatever Barba told her today, it was all coming undone.

"Honey, you know that there is nothing you can't tell me. Nothing that will make me see you differently,"

"And what about everyone else? El, he sold copies of the recordings of my rapes!"

Just that fast, Elliot felt himself switch to anger. "What do you mean he sold recordings of your rapes?"

"They don't know how, and now that he's lawyered up...but he got them and he's sold hundreds of copies over the last two years. People have been watching those DVDs and seeing what they did to me. Seeing and hearing me do things, say things that I didn't want to do or say…"

"Liv, you can't…"

"You didn't see the recordings" she said in tears. "You never saw what they made me do and I never told you because I didn't want you to judge me."

"I would never judge you"

"...every day I didn't know if it would be my last; if that was the day, the moment that he'd decided that it was over for me."

"You did what you had to do to survive, Liv. I understand that. We all do-"

"I thought that when I got away from him I would somehow have a chance at normal, but I can't escape it. No matter what I do it follows me."

"Baby-" he said, tears filling his own eyes.

"No!" She sobbed. "Don't tell me it's not true because it is. There are copies; hundreds, maybe thousands out there and some sickos are enjoying it. They're watching and enjoying what those animals did to me."

"Come here." He said, putting the urge aside to rip the guy's head off, he took Olivia in his arms and tried to quiet her tears, being at a loss for words. But what could he say? Seeing her cry had him torn between heartbreak and rage. Heartbreak at seeing the woman he loved once again broken over something she had no control over; something that neither of them did. And rage because he couldn't fix it. There were no magic words that he could say to undo this. And once again, he had to watch her go through even more pain because of it. Damn, it would never end!

"When I think of all the times I told women that they would get past this; how could I have been so naive? There's no getting past it…"

"You listen to me; It's because of you that so many women and girls have come out on the other side of this nightmare, and they wouldn't think that you were naive. It's just a setback; a very unexpected, and painful setback but Liv, honey you can't let it stop your recovery. You've got too much riding on it." She cried on his shoulder, holding onto him so tightly. "Healing can take time, you know this better than anyone, but I'm gonna be here no matter what. We'll get through this together."

"Ahhhhhhhhh!" She cried as two of the men double penetrated her. She gritted her teeth and squeezed her eyes shut, pulling against the ropes that tied her arms above her head as she tried to take them but she was already in so much pain. The other men in the room were literally fighting each other to get to her, so consumed by their lust. One man so driven, couldn't take the wait and grabbed one of the men who were already using her, tossing him aside and taking his place, on top, pummeling her as hard as he could.

"YEAHHHH! YOU TAKE THIS BIG DICK, BITCH...TAKE IT ALL!" He yelled.

"Please stop...pleasesto-" she pled breathlessly and in pain, trying g to push both of them out. But just then, another two of them grabbed her hair and shoved their penises in her mouth and down her throat...

She startled awake on her back, gasping a huge breath then just as fast she covered her mouth, feeling vomit rise in her throat and quickly leaned over the side of the bed. She grabbed the wastebasket and violently let loose the contents of her stomach that had already made their way up.

There in the dark, Elliot was awakened by the sound of Olivia vomiting and woke up, quickly seeing her leaning over the side of the bed where she had thrown her legs over the side..

He got up as she heaved again and went around to her, kneeling in front of her. "It's okay…" he said softly, running her hair through his fingers off her sweaty brow. She started to weep as she pushed the wastebasket away and Elliot took it and set it down.

"I can't do this,"

"...this arrest" he muttered angrily under his breath.

She dropped her head, her shoulders shaking softly as she cried. Elliot was at a loss for words as he watched his wife completely come apart.

"I thought it had stopped, I thought..." she cried, then picked her head up to look at him. "I-I don't understand, I don't…I thought that I could get used to this, but too much is happening right now and I can't-" She tried to catch her breath through her sobs but wasn't doing so good, getting stuck on deep gasps.

"Liv, breathe." He said calmly as he squeezed her hand. "That's it," he said through her sobs as she got it somewhat under control. "...get used to what, baby?"

She continued looking down at the floor for a moment before she raised her head to look at Elliot with tears in her eyes. She started to speak but quickly felt a sharp pain in her abdomen and reacted with pain on her face and in her eyes.

"Liv…?"

"El, something's wrong!"

Meanwhile at Rafael's office…

Sitting at his desk with Fin on the other side, Barba threw the file he was going over down on his desk and rubbed his eyes while Fin sat, draining his coffee cup.

"I think we should call it a night." Barba said, exhausted. "We've done the prep and all we can. Besides, I need to be alert for court tomorrow!" And he took the last sip of his coffee.

"I'm with you." Fin agreed and tiredly rose from the chair as Barba began packing his briefcase.

Later as the two of them were in the lobby, having just gotten off the elevator…

"...I just hope she didn't bottle this up and keep El in the dark. By the way, how did the meeting with Abernathy go?"

Rafael laughed at the question as they walked toward the exit. "He didn't tell me anything useful. In fact, he said nothing at all and his lawyer was there to make sure that I didn't get anymore out of him."

…

Late at night and he still didn't sleep. But that was usual for him. He'd always be up late, scouring the dark web to feed his sick fantasies. Fantasies that hadn't been fulfilled in over two and a half years ago since that day, that fateful day in July when Harlan got sloppy, and the meat got hold of a scalpel…

Up until then, he'd been through so many of those holes with Harlan. Harlan would get one every year or so and they would have an absolute ball turning it out. He remembers the one time they had literally fucked a piece to death. Sixteen years old, and a virgin who by the time hour three came, it had stopped breathing. Big disappointment for the men who where there to party, but that's life.

With this Benson bitch, they couldn't touch it. According to everybody in law enforcement, it had acted in defense of itself. Fuck it by escaping, it ruined the plans of some people who where in line for the next colloquial convention where he planned to wreck that bitch hard! He could literally imagine it begging him and his fellow punishers to please give it a break.

He never gave breaks.

When it turned out that Harlan Lewis had survived the unwarranted attack only to be killed by the same fucktoy, he finally had a way to get her, or so he thought. That boyfriend of hers, goddamn Stabler, who has a higher position than him and is real friendly with the even higher-ups…

Fucking asshole! He thought. Stabler ended up getting those charges dismissed and him in a mess of trouble. He thought hard about how he could get back at the meat sack and her now-husband. What better way than to hit her where it would hurt the most? He'd get the recordings; just a few of them. The downright nastiest ones. He got in touch with another buddy of his, Samuel Abernathy who ran an underground video operation out of a warehouse in Connecticut. And moving these videos, they could make a lot of money not to mention, just imagine when the bitch found out.

However, he hadn't counted on Abernathy being arrested. That's another story altogether. But he wasn't worried. No. Abernathy just had to trust that he had his back and if he didn't and started to talk… Well, Stanley Phillips wouldn't think about that right now. Right now, he'd just enjoy the absolute humilation that he knew Olivia was feeling right now.

"Surprise baby. You're a star, you filthy slut!" he said as he sat back watching one of the videos of her gangrape and jerked off as he imagined himself there.