A/N: Whew a little bit of a longer chapter here and some surprises that *I* certainty wasn't planning on. All I'll say is that this has been my favorite chapter to write yet. As always

Enjoy!

When You Love Someone

Chapter Six: I Don't Wanna Break

Not long after the shopping trip and the games that followed, I never had a moment alone. In the weeks that followed Dimitri and Felix constantly wanted to play video games, and talking books with Chelsea (who I figured might have been having a bad day when I met her), hanging out with Jane, picking a chess game every other night I slowly started feeling like I was being incorporated into the guard who, much like Marcus said, is very much like a big family.

I even noticed more of the others approaching Jane more which I knew was making her happy; she was able to have more friends, especially when they were her family.

Now if only her biological family were as easy.

I haven't spoken or even seen Alec since he so swiftly said his goodbyes that day and it's been over three weeks. If I didn't know any better, I would say he was avoiding me, as to why I had no idea. I wanted to talk to Jane about it but I didn't know how to approach it. 'Hey Jane, I think your brother is avoiding me, and it's kind of hurting my feelings, but I don't know why it's hurting my feelings or why he's avoiding me if he's avoiding me at all.'

Even to my own head, it sounds desperate and the last thing I wanted was trouble, especially since I was getting along so well with everyone. Well almost everyone.

Every time he crossed my mind, I just feel confused all over again, plus I hate to admit it, a little hurt. I didn't do anything to offend him, at least I don't think I did. I just wish he could just tell me. I'm friends with his sister, I don't want to be at odds with her brother. I wanted him to like me. I hate it because I don't know why I want him to like me, but at least be cordial. Is that too much to ask? Plus, I really don't want to approach it with Jane.

As fate would have it though, I didn't have to approach it at all. Literally Fate I believe stepped in.

Almost everyone was out on a mission and having a few moments to myself I decided to explore the castle. Going the opposite way of all the familiar hallways I soon found myself seeing a small door hidden by a pillar.

Curiosity piquing, I opened it and found myself struggling, pulling harder and slowly stepping in a run-down, dusty hallway.

I could tell no one has been in here for a long time and walking down the darkening corridor I spotted another door on the side and pulling it open I gasped at what I found.

A room, obviously abandoned, was quite beautiful. The ceiling was made completely out of glass, with small raindrops poking through. All the walls were mirrored, and the grass was warm. The most amazing thing was a huge tree that was planted in the middle of the room with the top sprouting out of the top with the ceiling being built around it.

Walking forward I could see old and rotting pages and books on the floor, their pages illegible from time and the raindrops breaking free from the tree.

Exploring a little more however something even more surprising caught me off guard.

Alec's scent is here and as I walked more I saw none other than Alec himself down at the base of the tree looking at me, surprise coloring his features.

Oh shit.

"Um, hi," I say, awkwardly not sure what else to say.

The surprise quickly left his face like a mask of indifference replaced it."Hello," He says not moving but his ruby-red eyes watching me closely.

"Um, sorry I didn't know you were here," I said, internally facepalming myself. Well duh, he knew that otherwise, I wouldn't be here.

Still looking at me and feeling uncomfortable I looked around the room, anywhere but him and somehow, I started talking and didn't stop.

"It's beautiful here, I had no idea this place existed. I can't imagine why anyone would ignore such a place" Then remembering he didn't ignore it I backtracked "well almost everyone, I mean you're here so obviously a beautiful place like this hasn't been forgotten" I rambled wringing my hands together

"It seems perfect to sit and think and have some time to yourself – "Looking back at him he raised an eyebrow and embarrassing myself I softly mumbled "Which I see you're doing, um, well were doing without my interruption so I'll leave, uh nice seeing you" Turning I started walking before I heard him call after me

"You don't have to go"

Turning quickly and not able to hide my surprise I simply said "What?"

"You don't have to go" He repeated himself "Quite frankly I found this place by accident myself which I'm guessing is how you were able to find it?" He questioned

"Yeah, I was exploring the castle and came upon it," awkwardly I stood staring at the wall behind him.

"Yeah," He said, looking a little awkward himself

Deciding to come closer, I sat a few ways from him and crossed my legs. I noticed bunched up paper beside him and getting a closer look I saw his sketchpad from the bookstore beside him as well as some pencils and pens.

"You like to draw," I asked nodding to his belongings

"Yes, it's a hobby I've come to enjoy," he said stiffly

Nodding I offered "I like to read, sometimes write." I shrug looking at him.

"That sounds nice," He mumbled

"yeah"

We both looked away from each other, each looking at anything but one another and growing tired of the avoidance game I sighed and decided to just ask what his problem is. However, before I could say anything, he beat me to it

"Bella, I feel that I owe you an apology." He started his red eyes gleaming "I haven't been the friendliest person towards you, and I wanted to apologize. Especially since you and my sister get along so well. I admit, that my first impression could have been better and my behavior towards you wasn't very kind and for that I'm sorry" He explained as he looked at me.

"Why were you avoiding me though? Did I do something to offend you? I questioned

Shaking his head, he goes "No, no you haven't done anything. It's my fault really" He said quickly and looking out the window he quietly goes "To be honest, I don't know why I avoided you. Your different"

Not knowing how to reply to that I whispered "You're different too"

Staying quite and getting lost in our thoughts I couldn't help see his shoulders losing some of their tension and almost on impulse I saw him grab his sketchbook as he began to draw. The pencil stroked the paper expertly as the picture slowly came to life. It's the window with rain slowly coming down the glass looking so realistic and the plant life surrounding it. It takes him seconds to complete it and when done he sets it on the ground next to me, his eyes still looking forward.

"It's beautiful," I admired "You truly have amazing talent" I complimented looking at all the strokes and the shading. He has a lot of talent, he's a good artist.

"Thank you," he said softly "You can keep that if you want? I've drawn dozens already"

"Really" I smiled as he carefully tore it out of the book and handed it to me; our fingers brushed slightly and the electricity sparked. The same complete feeling came like the first time I saw him in the clearing.

"Thank you" I whispered and cradling the paper gently I placed it in my lap.

"Your welcome," he said as he gathered his supplies and placed them in a neat pile. Not wanting to lose his company I hastily asked

"Would you like to play a game of chess?"

With a look of hidden surprise, I heard "Sure"

He shruged and getting up he offered me his hand. As I grasped his the shock flew through me and my hand lingered a moment longer before I dropped it to my side. As he walked beside me, the energy was more prominent, and I was all too aware of his body beside mine.

His hand felt too right in mine, the strength in how carried himself and how his eyes were the deepest red I have ever seen but there was something else too, the sadness in them. Alec had his own secrets just like I had mine.

Walking out of the little sanctuary Alec whispered "Do you mind keeping this place a secret? It's the one place where things are quiet and I'd prefer that the less people knew about it, the better" He gave a smile and I nodded my head; our own little secret. I quite liked that.

Walking back, I asked to make a quick stop at my room to put away the drawing. Opening my door, I noticed Alec stood at the edge of the door very stiffly. Almost like he needed to be invited in.

"You can come in" I smiled "Or do I did I need to invite you in first? Since vampires need to be invited in anywhere new" I chuckled as he gave me a soft smile and place the drawing in the top drawer of my desk I noticed him looking at my framed picture of my parents. I found it in the second pocket of my backpack and for a moment I was thankful Alice packed a picture of them.

"Those are my parents," I said quietly coming up behind him, I saw his eyes flicker from the photo to me. "I look more like my mom face wise, but I got my dad's hair color and personality"

"You look a lot like them," He observed turning away from the picture with an odd look.

"Do you remember much of your human life" I asked boldly, as we exited my room.

"Barely" He whispered "Although I'm grateful I don't remember much. My human life wasn't a very happy one I'm afraid" his eyes hardening and sensing a delicate topic I dropped it; filing it away for later.

"I'm sorry to hear that," I said as I put my hand on his shoulder wanting to offer some type of comfort. He relaxed slightly under my touch but tensed as he moved forward, making my hand drop back to my side.

"Well it's over and done with" He dismissed it with a shake of his head and as we entered the room, I was happy to see that it was empty.

Happy? Did I want to be alone with Alec? Yes, yes, I did. I very much wanted to be alone with this man and his hot and cold persona. Why I don't know and pushing those feelings down I threw them into the sea of abyss inside me and ignore it.

I didn't have time to get involved with a would-be crush or flirtation or any kind of romance. I just met this man, I don't know what kind of person he is other than complicated and I don't want to get involved with another complicated man of any type. No again.

Dropping my eyes Alec pulled out the chair for me and with a soft "thank you" he took his own seat and proceeded to set up the board as I helped.

With each piece we set up, my fingers brushed him and I noticed that he intentionally placed pieces where my fingers would meet his. I don't know why that tidbit of information made me overjoyed. Ecstatic even. Each touch sent a small thrill through me and I felt I was being electrocuted and it was not unpleasant. I found I wanted him to touch my hand more and hated myself for it each time.

Biting my lip, I pushed those thoughts away. He was simply being kind. I was his sisters' friend after all. He had a type of responsibility to be nice to me. That thought sent a pain to my chest and I sucked in a deep breath not expecting that wave of emotion. Stop it brain!

"Are you alright" He asked, concern peeking through

"I'm fine, just lost in my thoughts," I said, not totally untrue

"Is it about the Cullen boy?" He asked and my eyes shot to him as he looked at me, an unreadable emotion in his eyes.

"Not quite, although it does have something to do with it," I said honestly, thinking about him and the Cullen's.

"What did he do to you?" He asks a hint of anger in his voice

Looking away from his intense stare, I tried to find the words to answer his question. Betray me? Yes. Lie to me? Yes. Hurt me more than I could imagine, also yes, but as far as what he did to me?

He eventually told me the truth, but he could have handled it better. Then again, I could have handled it better too. We all could but it doesn't excuse what he did, what they all did. I knew what I was getting myself into by loving Edward, I just figured he loved me back. What a fantastic lie that was. Then again, he did love me, I think, in his own way but it still hurts. I mean if I didn't love him it wouldn't hurt this much, still right?

Looking back at him and seeing his eyes, the emotion in them I opened my mouth and was surprised by what came out.

Alec

"I don't know how to answer that honestly. When I was human the feelings, I had for him seemed too much. That he seemed too much, and our relationship was always too much. He was better than me in all regards; stronger, faster, smarter.

I felt like I was always trying to keep up, but I was enough, that even if he didn't want me changed that I was still enough…somehow, in my own way." She whispered, more to herself than to me. Tears started to brim her eyes and I was felt an urge to wipe them away.

For a moment, the walls that she kept around herself came down and I saw how much damage that idiot boy inflicted on her. She seemed lost, confused, and above all defeated. Her eyes held no life and my dead heart ached for her. Wanting to assure her, to comfort her as she did in the hallway, I wanted to grasp her hand and tell her all the beauty that I see.

But I didn't.

It's not my place. This woman in front of me has been through much and the last thing I wanted to do was confuse her and to confuse myself.

She looked at me then and her eyes were shining, the pain and confusion evident until she blinked, and the walls had returned.

"When I had changed, it was…not the best of circumstances" She flinched at the memory and looked down at the board, moving her pawn and starting the game.

"I wish it was different, I wish it didn't happen that way it did, but I don't regret becoming one. I was finally equal. I was the same. I was enough." She said with a haunted look, she was moving her pieces without reason as I matched her, not seeing where I was putting them. Listening as she took several deep breathes.

"I was enough…until I wasn't" She said, so softly I could barely hear it.

"Edward, Edward never loved me. At least not the way I loved him. It was a different type of love and I don't know if it was good or bad." She said looking at me, her golden eyes haunted. "But it was enough to know that love isn't simple. That love is both terrifying and exhilarating." She took another breath before turning towards me.

"Have you ever been in love?" She asked suddenly her face questioning

"No, and I don't think I ever want to be," I answered. Yes, at one point in my life I wanted a mate, I wanted to feel the love I see in mate's eyes, but I would never want to be so vulnerable. To break and lose everything about myself. I've seen too much in my years to ever be that broken. To be that weak, to lose yourself for another, and do things that defied reason. Not after what happened.

No, a mate isn't for me and as I stared into her eyes, I saw a vary of emotions at my words.

"Maybe your one of the lucky ones to have never felt love's sting but everyone deserves the chance to feel loved by someone." She continued, "Because even though Edward hurt me, I wouldn't trade what I had with him and everything I experienced for anything." She said with conviction and I almost growled at the love she has for him.

"Well, he didn't deserve your love. A man who throws away anything, especially a woman he claims to love is childish and stupid" I said angrily, to angry I must say.

Surprised she looked down with a small smile.

"I supposed so, I do believe that our love was in some ways, childish. We did without thinking, we jumped without looking. I was so desperate to be equal with him, to be enough for him I was willing to sacrifice everything I had to be with him. Including coming into the lion's den to save him, to save us" She looked at me, quirking her brow and I scoffed. Lion's den indeed.

"However, that shouldn't be how love is. I've thought a lot about my relationship with Edward and the Cullen's and love shouldn't be hard. At least not that way. When I think of Alice and Jasper and Carlisle and Esme, even Emmett and Rosalie. They were, they are, I don't know really" She said confusion in her eyes "what they are to me now, but they were important, and they loved each other fiercely and easily. It never seemed forced or troubling or dramatic to love each other. They just did. When I think of my parents and the love they had for each other, their marriage was hard; mom always told marriage is always hard but with the right person the burden of love is easier to carry and it wouldn't seem like a burden at all or at the very least you wouldn't mind carrying it. I wanted a love like my parents: Strong, fierce, forever. I was so desperate for it I fell for the first love I ever had and in turn, I ended up falling hard. I'm still recovery actually"

She smiled sadly as she moved her rook, capturing me and after a quick look around the board, I must move my king to end the game. With a good-natured sigh, I surrendered and as she moved her queen she ended the game "checkmate"

Chuckling I was impressed. Janie said she was a good chess player but no one, besides Jane, could beat me even if I went easy on them.

"Good game" I put out my hand for her to take and as her small hand-molded into mine it felt warm and soft. Not the cold, hard stone I'm used to. It seemed that whenever I touched her, I crave her more.

Not wanting to stay anymore I quickly left, although it pained me to do so and made my way out of the game room. Trying to ignore her shocked and hurt expression, I made my escape to my room where I quickly closed the door. Never in my existence had a creature like her plagued my mind so. Never has anything exhibited such a response from me. I wasn't used to it. Not being able to control my emotions or my mind.

Ever since the first day she came into my life. She was a defenseless human, fragile, and weak. I understood the concept of death. The reason for it, the reason behind it, why some would want to seek for it. I knew there are vampires who grew bored with this life and asked us to end it. In mercy we grant it.

However, when that Cullen boy came here asking for death over a human girl of all things, I must admit, it made me falter. On top of that when we heard of her coming into our city with his sister I was in slight disbelief. Who was she, thinking she could save him from us?

When Aro sent Janie, myself, and Felix down to retrieve them, one look at her and it felt like my heart could beat again. Her pale skin, her eyes meeting mine, those terrified brown orbs scared of us. Of me. It made me ache to think she thought of me so. That I could hurt her. In truth I didn't want to hurt any of them, not that I cared but that it would be a waste of time and talent; but justice had to be served. I was lenient with the animal drinkers, their way of life although strange, had me curious.

Carlisle's way of being was fascinating and his ideas were intriguing, the two of us having long nights in the library discussing our very nature and the idea of right vs. wrong. Than to see one of his children coming to us wanting death and finding, possibly the one human who would join him in this life to spare him of it.

So, when I went on a mission with Heidi it was expected, do patrols of our lands and keep everything running smoothly. Of course, the six-month journey is annoying but when I came back only to have word that Cullen clan's human has returned a vampire and without the Cullen's it had me curious. I was also happy (and a bit shocked) that Janie warmed to the girl.

Although Jane is two minutes older, she's my Janie, my big sister who I look out for. I knew it bothered her to have so little friends here, unlike me who enjoyed the company of my thoughts, Jane liked people. So, when she excitedly told me she made a friend in the Swan girl I was happy for her and wanting to meet the woman I came to her door only to hear her soft prayers.

The longing and sadness in her voice, asking God to look over her in this terrifying place. I decided to not bother her and retreated to my room. I knew then that her story with the Cullen's wasn't a happy one.

When I did see her again, I saw that she had indeed, changed. Gone was the frightened human girl but here was a true beauty. A woman who has come to face her actions, to prove to us that she was, indeed, stronger than she looked but there was something different about her. Her eyes were darker, she didn't have the same lightness around her, and I could tell that she carried a heaviness on her shoulders.

I had wanted to speak to Marcus only to have discovered her heavenly scent, so intoxicating I could barely focus. I'm sure Marcus noticed but wanting to spare me kept quiet. Following this new scent only to discover her, going out the far east entrance and curiosity overtaking me, decide to follow her.

She was lethally beautiful as she hunted and seeing her I finally gave in to see what all the hype was about. I took part once she was a good distance away.

It wasn't so revolting, and I was surprised that my strength stayed the same. Deciding to keep following her I hid behind a tree as she slowly walked around, her eyes shifting until she called me out.

Giving up my location she was not what I was expecting. Warm and gentle while also having a patience about her and genuine admiration when she talked about my sister. I could see why she liked her so.

She was very interesting to put it lightly. When Janie asked if I was going to go shopping with them, I said yes, instead of my usual reluctance. I blamed it on wanting some new art supplies, which wasn't a total lie although I don't know why I would make up that kind of excuse.

I faked indifference; simply watching, noticing every little thing she does. I knew she followed me into the bookstore, I could sense her before I saw her, hiding behind rows of shelves watching me pick out a new sketchbook. I let it slide, since I knew technically, I followed her first, yet it felt strangely…nice to know that she wanted to see what I was doing.

It was both flattering and not wanted. Even though these feelings of flirtation lingered I hated how I couldn't control them. How I couldn't get her off my mind and how I constantly seemed to lose myself around her. It was all too much. So, in my cowardice I avoided her. Whenever I knew I might encounter her I went the other direction. Going out of my way to not even see her.

I knew it was making Janie upset yet I couldn't bring myself to face her. I had to persevere, yet it hurt to know I was hurting both. Evident to me when Janie burst in my room demanding to know why I have been treating her new friend so rudely. Listening to her rant, her common saying I'm okay to be by self but she likes her, and I must apologize and on and on she goes. I love my sister, but she can be annoying when she wants to be.

Why couldn't I just go back to normal? Or better yet, why did that woman even have to enter our lives? Turning everything upside down and having me question things that were so solid to me a year ago.

Then above all else when I escaped to my sanctuary, the place no one in the castle even knows is there, she finds it on her first try. The shocked expression on both of our faces must have been comical, with her stammering and nervous movement looking at anything else but me.

When she started to leave though I involuntarily told her to stay, kicking myself when she smiled and took the invitation.

Fulfilling my promise to Jane I apologized to the woman, letting out more than I intended we ended up having a nice, although awkward conversation. It was quite nice having her by my side, her gentle presence soothing something inside me as I began to sketch the window, with the gentle rain and the still pond in front of us.

I could tell she was impressed by my artistic ability and confirmed my thoughts. I've been complimented before of course but coming from her it made me feel proud.

Continuing our evening I was further surprised by her intelligence, besting me in my favorite game. Granted I wasn't playing at my full skill, I admit, she wasn't either.

She was full of surprises and I found with every touch, the warmth intensified until I purposely tried to have her fingers brush mine, if only for a moment to have that fleeting moment fall over me than chastising myself for wanting it so. Every moment I spent with her I wanted more. More of her company, her touch, her smiles and her laugh. She doesn't laugh enough, and I wish she would.

It's frustrating! One part of myself longing for her company while the other chastises for wanting it so. She was just another vampire, intrigued by the mystery of our family and no doubt soothing her heart.

Not that I completely blamed her. The haunted, broken look she had whenever she talked about that Cullen boy reminds me why I avoided and feared the power of losing yourself to another.

Although some find success in their endeavors, like her human parents who she shows great love for, its evident in the way she speaks of them, the fall of love when no one is there to catch you isn't worth the pain it takes to find a mate. Anyone who does and feels love's sting is foolish. Knowing the consequences of a so-called love fizzles out.

No, I'm certain that avoidance of the topic is best. Which is why I must guard myself so carefully. I've seen how simple glance, a small fancy can turn a person into a zombie for Aphrodite's blessing as the Greeks called it.

I needed to be close to her, but I needed to get away from her. It was a conundrum of my own making and I hated myself for it every day.

And I just wanna love you

Don't wanna lose me

Don't wanna lose you

If it gets harder, then I don't wanna break all alone

I wanna break in your arms

Christina Perri: I don't wanna Break

A/N: Writing Alec came as a happy surprise, but he wanted the spotlight, so I gave it to him. What do y'all think about him? Brooding and emo my Alec is a complex one. Please review and tell me what you think?

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