A/N: Hey guys I'm back! Whew it has been a tornado of crazy over here on my end and I sincerely apologize for the week late update. Flu season hit hard where I am, and the fiancé got sick and things at work got crazy and to top it off a friend and co-worker was in a serious car accident but thank God she is okay but yeah…lol it's been a hot minute. Regardless here is the thrilling next chapter and let me tell you I am so excited for this chapter and where the next step of Bella's journey will lead her! Please tell me what you think in the reviews and as always
Enjoy!
When You Love Someone
Chapter Eight: Perfect Illusion
"Wow" Jane said as we stop at the entrance, her face a mixture of shock, awe, disgust and wonder.
"Yeah, wow" I echo as I walk with her and letting her into my room I sat on the bed and hug my pillow close as she climbs in next to me, both of us looking at my innocent looking calendar on the wall.
"To be honest Bella I don't know what to say other than, I'm sorry for all of that" Jane said, sincerity in her words.
"It's alright, I wouldn't know what to say either. It's a lot but...I appreciate it, none the less" I smiled gently at her, nudging her with my shoulder.
"Who knew love could be so complicated" Jane said her voice quiet
"Yeah, there are so many songs, poems, plays, tv shows, and movies you name it, and they are all talk about love, but you don't quite know what they mean until you're in it" I said thinking about Edward and Jake.
"Did you really have feelings for the shapeshifter?" She asked astounded, as if the very thought was impossible.
Laughing lightly, I shook my head "Not that way, Jake has always been really, really special to me. After my mom died his family took us in. His dad kind of became mine while my dad became his. We were a pack even though we weren't Quileute. They taught me their language, their culture, everything to make us feel more like a part of the pack.
"However, when I met Edward and I saw their hostility towards each other I tried to intervene. It worked to the point that they could be civil, but things got a lot better once Jacob fully became Alpha and Edward finally stopped being so defensive. Plus Jake was able to make decisions and set a good example for the others. When the Cullen's had disappeared the first time, I fully depended on Jake. He was my rock. My constant. I became stronger thanks to him but when Alice showed up, telling me what Edward was going to do I had to help. Jake was fully against the idea, hating what he did to me, but I thought I loved him." I said quietly, looking at Jane who seemed deep in thought.
"When they left again, Jake was there except Leah had just phased and Alphas can only imprint on other shapeshifters so…when Leah changed the imprint was secured. Their mating bond was priority and I felt that I lost my best friend and well, you know the rest"
"Yeah I know the rest" Jane repeated "You have quite the story Bella. I'm glad its able to continue" She said as I rested my head on her shoulder, the closest I've ever been to her.
"You know I don't remember to much about my human life; but sometimes I get snippets of things. Memories and such. There was a boy I had hoped to marry but he was afraid of me and his family forbade him from ever approaching me. It hurt, and I imagine that's kind of what you felt, except much worse. That's the only time I ever remember any semblance of romantic love. To be honest, I understand why the ancient Greeks were so fearful of it. I'm scared of it too." She admitted, her eyes gazing down.
"Jane love is nothing to be afraid of. Yes, it hurts, and it can leave scars but what you feel when you're in love. It's something that's indescribable. It feels like safety, comfort, warmth. You would do anything for that person just to see them smile, to make sure their safe. I felt that with Edward, Jake, my parents, my family. I'm very lucky to have felt so many forms of love even if some of them hurt me in the end. I'm glad that I was able to experience it. I hope you do too." I said honestly as her eyes darted to mine.
"You wish pain on me?" She asked, hurt coloring her voice
"No! Of course, not Jane. What I wish is for you to find love that doesn't hurt but it doesn't always work that way. Finding true love can lead to a lot of heartbreak. It can make you doubt it even exists, but when you do it's the most special and marvelous thing. That's what I wish for you. It's what I wish for everyone." I said grabbing her hand.
"Can I ask you something Bella, something personal?" She asked hesitantly
"What is it?"
"When you found out that Edward found his mate, that she was human like you before she was changed. You were angry but did you feel anything else?" She asked
Blinking, I sat up straight thinking back on that day. Yes, I was angry, enraged even but why? Edward betraying me? The Cullen's lying to me? All of it yes, but if I'm being honest rage wasn't the only thing I felt.
"Yes" I said realization hitting me. "I felt betrayed because I thought they were my family and in a way the pack did the same thing. By not telling me about Jake and Leah, but it was different with the Cullen's. I didn't love Jake the way I loved Edward. I thought I loved him but being here and putting some distance between us I don't think it was the right kind of love." I said slowly.
"When Edward came back the second time it was different. I knew our spark was fading but I was so happy being with everyone, the thought of becoming like them, being apart of something forever, I wanted it so badly I guess I ignored that part. So, when Edward approached me and told me he didn't love me in that regard I was shocked but…I think I was also relieved. That it wasn't just me" I said staring at her "That it wasn't in my head. I think I was more upset that he didn't trust me enough with what really happened. That he, and really all of them thought I was too fragile to handle it."
"And now?" She asked with a look in her eye I couldn't decipher
"Now I feel a bit better. Like I'm healing from all of it. Now I feel like I'm growing. I'm learning new things and meeting new people. Growing from the pain and all that but I still feel pain I just don't know why I still feel it yet, but I will" I said smiling softly, my thoughts turning to Alec
"I'm glad, you seem happier. If not, a bit confused which I have no doubt is a result of my brother." She said laughing, which I chuckle at. Yes, indeed Alec has me all turned around.
"Marcus mentioned a bond being formed after all" Jane says laughing and then quickly shut her mouth as I turned to her mouth agape.
"What?" I ask shocked.
"Nothing! It's nothing" Jane said, bringing her hands up.
"Jane what are you hiding? What do you mean Marcus saw a bond? I know its his gift but what do you mean by that?" I asked
"Marcus saw a potential friendship bond between the two of us. He encouraged me to pursue a friendship with you" she said quickly, too quickly.
"Yes…he encouraged me as well, but I get the feeling your not telling me everything. Why are you keeping this from me?" I demanded
"I'm sorry Bella but Marcus has forbidden me and anyone else who might know of speaking of anything more. I shouldn't have let that slip." She says regretfully.
"What? Why? Why would anyone else know? Why can't he tell me" I pepper her with questions as she scoots off the bed, looking nervous.
"You know don't you" I said accusingly
"Only a little, I don't know everything and the only reason I was told is because I'm close or I could be close to both subjects involved" She says pleading with me to understand
"So, it is between me and Alec?" I confirm and at her yes, I shake my head.
"I can't believe this, I just got out of a confusing relationship, I'm not looking to go into another one!" I say, moving my hand through my hair.
"No one says you have too! That's part of the reason why I'm not supposed to say anything! Bonds can happen with free will or not, but Marcus has always believed that bonds that form between people should happen naturally." Jane explained.
"Jane we're vampires! There's nothing natural about us!" I snapped, getting up and pacing the room. I never noticed the walls were so short together. Has the room always been this small?
"Bella your panicking." Jane calmly says
"I know and I'm trying to make it stop" I said helplessly, the whirling thoughts in my head getting faster and faster. I bit my lip and wring my hands together nervously.
Alec, Didyme, Jane, Marcus, Alice, Edward everything is running through my head as I see their faces one by one start to blur together into one swirling image of color.
"Bella lets get out of here" Jane suggested, taking my arm as she pulls me out the door and into the hallway. "Follow me" She instructed as she dashes through the halls, me hot on her heels until we reach the auditorium.
"Jane what are we doing here in the gym?" I ask, my panic settling for a moment to let the confusion in.
"Were going to get that panic out" she said lightly, pressing a button on the wall as a punching bag drops from the roof, the chains rattling.
"Jane I'll knock that thing into the wall" I said aghast
"No, you won't, these were specialty made so we could keep up our training and get some aggression out" She said standing behind the bag holding it firm. "Now hit it Bella!" She demanded.
"What, no, Jane I'm not going to hit that thing" I said firmly
"Hit it" She demanded fiercely
"No!"
"I said hit it Bella" She screamed as my anger rose.
"I said no!" I yelled as I punched the bag with all my strength. The bag barely moving and surprised I look at Jane who smiled in triumph.
"That felt good" I said
"I know. Hit it again!" She demanded and this time I do, hitting the bag repeatedly, my speed increasing.
"Why are you angry Bella?" She asked
"Because I'm confused" I yell
"Why are you confused!" She yells back
"Because I have so much to do! Because Alec is making me frustrated!" I grunt out each word, my hits on the bag growing fiercer.
"Why is he making you frustrated?" She asked holding firm to the bag.
"Because of the way he makes me feel!"
"Because I never know where I stand with him!"
Because I have to focus on other things!" I yelled, punching, and adding an extra kick in there.
"It was how I felt with Edward" I grunt
"Because even though he told me he loved me, he didn't mean it! I'm angry at myself! I'm angry that I fell for it!" I yell
"I'm mad because it was all an illusion! All made up! That he wouldn't tell me the truth!" I yell louder
"I'm mad at Alec for making me feel similar! I'm angry because I don't want to fall again!" I said, punching the bag and before I can stop it, I screamed out
"Because I don't want to fall for another heartbreak!" Stopping suddenly as all the anger and panic leave my body, I stared at Jane's shocked expression.
"Jane, I don't want to get hurt again" I confessed, my shoulders slumping in defeat.
"Oh Bella" She said, coming around the bag and hugging me "I can't control that, but I promise that whatever you have with my brother, it isn't just one sided. He feels it too." She confessed looking at me "Just Alec, he's worse than me when it comes to emotions and relationships. He's stubborn and he doesn't always think before he does things nor does like to give up control of himself so easily." She told me, and before I knew it a little bubble of hope filled me.
"Just don't tell him any of this. I broke the sibling code but he's being an idiot" Jane said, smiling gently.
"I won't" I replied softly, shocked at what I just learned
"Oh, and a piece of advice – Don't let him get off so easily. If he's doing something you don't like; tell him. Give him a chance fix something that he may not realize he's doing" She said letting me go.
"I will. Thank you, Jane, you know if I didn't know any better, I would say you want to see us together?" I asked teasing
"Well…" She says taking a step back "I like you and your good for him and he might be good for you. That's all I'm going to say" She said smiling cryptically "Now if you excuse me, I'm going to get my own workout in." She said lightly, taking some nude ballet shoes from a cubby.
"You like ballet Jane?" I asked surprised to learn this about my friend
"It's a hobby I enjoy, and it makes me feel good, just don't tell anyone. I like to dance by myself without anyone watching, it makes me feel self-conscious" She admitted before waving goodbye and heading to the basement level of the gym.
The things you learn about people I think, smiling to myself as I head to the one place, I know I'll be able to process everything.
The sanctuary was easier to find this time, the door I was looking for catching my eye and taking a quick look around, sneak inside.
It was just how we left it, the glass wall showing my reflection and taking a quick sniff of the air I was happy to find that Alec's scent remained. I guess he was here before. As I walked down the small decline, I noticed a small pond on the other side of the tree. Sitting myself down with my back against the bark, I closed my eyes and took in a deep inhale. His scent strangely comforting me.
I can't believe I said all those things to Jane. Even more shocking was her revelation.
He feels it too? The little bubble of hope returned and frustrated, I pushed it down. I can't afford to think of such things. Maybe I should take a step back? Try to be aloof? Its obvious Alec is complex, and I don't need that right now, what with everything else going on.
The warning Alice gave goes through my head. Something is up, something is wrong, and I can't forget that. It concerns Didyme and Alice told me to basically keep doing what I'm doing. Which what, I have no idea. Groaning I shook my head, trying to shake all thoughts out in the process.
What is even going on anymore? When I accepted Aro's invitation to stay the year, this was not what I had in mind.
Granted, I didn't know what to expect when I accepted but I just know this wasn't it. This huge mystery concerning Didyme and Alec himself being one huge mystery… this is all too much.
What would Dad say if he knew what I was doing. Chuckling I knew right away "Don't do it, don't get involved" is what he would say but if he knew others would be involved? That other people could be hurt possibly. He was all for protecting people, that's why he became a cop. Helping people. Mom was always worried about him but at the end of the day she supported him, and I knew they would support me.
Groaning, I take out my phone and debated about calling him. He knew I was taking an extended stay somewhere over sea. What he didn't know was what exactly I was doing overseas. I don't want to worry him, but I need to talk to someone.
Deciding to call and opening my phone I stop and put it down, a thought striking me.
What if he ever met Aro? With me being here that is a very real possibility. If I call him and tell him everything it would be an open book to him.
No, I can't do that to him. Alice warned me if I kept this up, if I keep digging, I'll be in danger. That I need to keep it close to my chest because, maybe whoever is responsible for Didyme's death is still here.
Gasping I shot up. Maybe Didyme wasn't just killed in the war, but murdered? What if she knew she was in danger? What if she knew her killer and they were still here?
It does explain a lot, her hasty messages, her incomplete recipes; her last page. She found something and maybe that was what got her killed.
If she was murdered it had to be planned out. She was Marcus's mate, she was a queen. It would have been difficult to get close to her even during all that chaos.
Which means it had to have been someone close to her. It could be any of the guard, someone who had a connection to the inside, it might have been the kings for all I know.
Jane said there was chaos, that at the last minute there was reassignments. It couldn't have been Jane because she was on the other side of the field; she looked so haunted, so broken over her loss, I don't think she could have done it. It couldn't have been Alec either, he was her personal guard and was forced to leave because he was needed elsewhere if Jane is to be believed.
It couldn't have been Felix, he wasn't changed until two hundred years later and Dimitri wasn't even born yet. I remember Dimitri one night, showing his birth certificate proudly, boasting that he was one of the true Italians there since he was born in Sienna in 1765.
Plus, Felix would have no motive, he was still human and didn't join until after the war, being brought in for the sole purpose of the protecting the remaining wives after Didyme's death.
That only leaves a handful left, plus the brothers. It wasn't Marcus that I'm sure of. Didyme was his mate, its impossible to kill or harm your own mate even if you don't accept the bond.
So that leaves Aro or Caius or worse, both.
I felt my body grow cold as the thought hit me. Aro and Caius, how much do I really know about them? Or the rest of the guard for that matter? It truly could be anyone. Anyone in that castle right now and whoever did it, they wanted her out of the way and if a queen was dead it left her mate desolate, incomplete, easy to control. Easy to manipulate and easy to steal from.
"Oh my gosh" I whisper to myself.
It makes sense. Whoever killed Didyme did it for power. There could be no other reason. Someone with enough influence to erase any part of her from the castle. Her portraits, her paintings, her findings all except her book.
Her book!
If whoever did this did indeed kill her, they didn't know about her book, but no that doesn't make sense. Marcus saw it on the shelf, it's a huge book that if he's telling the truth, then Aro himself placed it there. So, everyone must have known it was there unless the book presented no threat, but if Didyme knew she was going to die and had to leave something hidden then the most obvious place would be in plain sight.
225
I'm positive that number will lead to something. Remembering her wording I try and find some clue as to what that number means.
For the ever-growing knowledge of our race and the security of our species,
this new discovery would change our histories forever.
I shall hope that I may get the chance to take the steps pursue it.
225
Groaning in frustration I wish the bottom half wasn't so smudged. Taking a sigh, I think, okay it could mean any number of things. A door, a sign, a number on another book. It could be anything.
Hissing I stand up and going back out of the room I make my way to the library, starting my search with the only thing I have so far.
A book.
Sitting in my usual table, I quickly flip to the page I'm looking for, her familiar handwriting staring back at me when I find the page.
For the ever-growing knowledge of our race and the security of our species,
this new discovery would change our histories forever.
I shall hope that I may get the chance to take steps to pursue it.
225
What does that even mean. Taking the book, I try my first guess which is going to shelf 225 and looking through it. There are tons of art history books and the wood is aged but nothing out of the ordinary. Sighing and mentally striking that option from my list of guesses I try section 225 of the library.
Again, nothing, this time there were books on the different types of math and numbers. Boring and certainly not what I'm looking for.
Thinking I try counting all the books from the front of the library to book 225 and when that failed from the back, left and right. All nothing.
It couldn't have been something so obvious that someone could just look and find it. It was a puzzle but maybe it couldn't be too complex.
Going back to the book's original location I count the books to 225 and this time nothing.
Sighing I go back and place the book back on the shelf and looked around me. I'm still alone but someone could still walk in and find me. What would I say if they asked what I was doing?
Yeah, just trying to solve a thousand-year-old murder case, nothing too interesting.
I shook my head and walking back to the entrance when suddenly a thought occurs to me. Walking, maybe that's what I need to do. Instead of counting the books maybe I need to count the steps.
Going back, I count from the books location to the front and seeing nothing, trying again until I've gone in all possible directions.
Nothing.
Trying again, exhausting my list of possible options I realize that the library is just that, a library. Nothing else here but books and their histories and dust.
Maybe I'm wrong. Maybe she really was killed in tragedy and I'm grasping at straws to distract myself from my love life.
How pathetic.
Slumping my shoulders in defeat I walked back to the sanctuary when something odd catches my attention.
The number of steps from the library to the sanctuary is 225.
Pursing my lips, I walk in and seeing that everything is the same I slowly walk around, trying to find something that seems odd or maybe interesting.
The tree is the same as when I left it, the wall is as reflected as ever, the grass is still grass, the pond is still a pond.
Everything seems to be right but no, something feels off. No, I'm on to something, I know I am.
The number of steps is too perfect. It's too much of a coincidence. Standing against the tree and counting the number of glass tiles I realize that on each wall there are exactly 225 tiles, except one. The wall in the back, there are 226 tiles. The only wall with an uneven number.
Curious, I walked up and dragging my hand along the wall I stop at the center tile. It's raised slightly, so slight you can even tell by seeing it. Biting my lip I push the tile and to my amazement it goes inward making the wall move and the tiles fall away revealing a small crawl space.
"Whoa" I whispered
Excited (and slightly nervous) I crawl inside, the space just big enough for me to squeeze through. With a shock I hear the wall move again and the tiles falling into place and at once I'm surrounded in darkness. Even with my sight I can't see a thing.
I can feel the dirt beneath my hands and knees but otherwise all my other senses are gone. I can't see, smell, or hear anything.
I guess this is how people feel when Alec uses his gift.
Deciding to keep going (and knowing I can't go back anyways) I crawl for what seems like hours.
I can't pick up my pace in fear of the tunnel collapsing and I don't want to go slower in fear of being caught, though I have no idea how that could be possible.
Finally seeing a light at the end of the tunnel, I crawl until I found myself in another room.
It was rather small, with the damp air and lack of scents telling me no one has been here for a long time.
It was empty except for a long wooden table, some shelves with empty jars and a brown intricately woven rug on the floor.
Fascinated I inspect every nook and cranny I can find and moving the rug I found to my delight a trap door.
Smiling and feeling like Nancy Drew, I pulled on the door only to find it locked. Pulling harder I realized that brute strength won't be enough to get it open.
Running my hands on the coble stone walls I smile when one of the rocks came loose. Pulling it free I smiled, finding exactly what I'm looking for.
An old, rust covered key which conveniently fits into the lock on the door. Whoever built this went to great lengths to hide whatever is down there and I for one, can't wait to know what it is.
Unlocking the door, I open it to find a dark gaping hole waiting for me. I can't see what's on the bottom and nor can I gage how deep it goes.
Biting my lip, I look around me and back to the crawl space.
Here I have two options and both I know will define whatever future I have here.
I go back to the crawl space, forgetting everything I just uncovered and go back to figuring out smaller mysteries (like my personal life)
or B. I jump and throw safety out the window, accepting whatever consequences await me down there.
I'm now certain this is what Alice meant. If I jump, I know I'll be putting my life in danger, I would be involved with something that is bigger than I ever could have dreamt of because truth be told I don't know who built this place. It could be Didyme or it could be her killer, or it could be someone else entirely. This place was hidden away, and no one has been here for decades. Possibly longer and now I found out and I could have found something even more sinister than a possible murder.
But if I don't jump and forget this ever existed and believe she simply died then I would be safe, I could be a guard member or live out the rest of my days in peace. Yet would I be able have peace knowing what I know.
Chewing on my lip and closing my eyes, I wrestled with the two choices I had to make. Mom and Dad would each tell me something different but ultimately, I know that they would make the same choice.
They would choose to do what's right.
So, taking an unneeded breath I throw caution to the wind and jump.
I don't need eyes to see
I felt you touching me, high like amphetamine
Maybe you're just a dream
That's what it means to crush, now that I'm waking up
I still feel the blow, but at least now I know
It wasn't love
It wasn't love
It was a perfect illusion
Perfect Illusion: Lady Gaga
A/N: Please Review and let me know what you think about Bella's discovery!