When You Love Someone
Chapter 14: Not ready to make nice
I ran as far as the Quileute border, the familiar path easy to me but I realized that I didn't want to be around anyone right now. Not even Jacob.
So, turning, I ran back the way I came except I took a sharp left, my feet carrying me in the direction of the last place I wanted to be right now.
It was our field. The flowers that bloomed so brilliant before are now dead and gone. Barely any new blooms that promised of a bright spring.
"Ahhh!" I shrieked as I kicked up dirt and threw handfuls of grass and debris from my hands. Utterly losing it. I collapsed on the ground then, sobs wracking my body and with some clarity, I realized that I was in the same position I was in before I left for Italy all those months ago.
Slowing my breath down I looked around me. Really, it was just an empty field. The flowers will grow. The grass will grow back. It will go on as if I was never here. In time the field will forget me. Just like the story of the lion and the lamb.
I didn't realize I was no longer alone until I heard the crunch of leaves behind me. Jumping quickly to a crouch I realized it was just Edward before I turned away, not wanting to speak with him.
"Bella, I know your upset" he started as I let out a bitter laugh
"You caught on to that Einstein?" I mocked with my back turned to him.
"I'll ignore that. Look, Bella, please can we talk. Let's get this over with. You're pissed off. Rightfully so. Please" he begged as I rolled my eyes not in any mood to talk.
"You know what's funny? You always seem to want to talk on your schedule. When you're ready. Have you ever asked me when I'm ready? When do I want to talk? Besides you need to get ready for your wedding." I spit out the word as I heard Edward's deep sigh.
"Your right. I need to be better at that. I haven't asked you and quite frankly I've been too controlling. It wasn't until you came that I realized I almost did the same thing to Astrid. That I did the same thing to you. You had no say when we were together. I'm sorry for that" He whispered as I glared at the trees.
"Great, you're sorry, can I be alone now?" I asked scathingly
"I'll respect your wishes to be alone now, but before I do, we didn't know Victoria was hunting you. We thought she was elsewhere. There is nothing that we can do to repair the damage that was done but…I'll try to make it better going forward. So…here" I heard a rustling of papers settle on the ground behind me.
"I've seen Alice's visions too. There is nothing I can do to repair the past but at least I can help with your future" With that, I heard him dart away leaving the mysterious papers on the ground.
Curiosity got the best of me when I turned and approached the parchment. Picking them up I could tell immediately these were incredibly old and incredibly important.
Upon further inspection, I recognized the handwriting immediately.
Didyme's notes on something called: una raffica di fiamma invisibile
On the bottom were her detailed notes and I recognized flame and invisible in my measly Italian but what shocked me to my core was the signature on the bottom.
Stregone benefico
Carlisle
Making quick work of the parchment and hiding my shock I stuffed it in my backpack I arrived back at the house, although admittedly more timidly then I left. Even though I didn't regret what I said I do regret losing it the way I did. So, when I walked up to the great house it was none other then Jasper who was waiting for me.
Resigning myself to my fate, I walked to him, head held high as I stopped in front of him, meeting his stare for one of my own.
There were so many emotions in his eyes: anger, resentment, humor, pride, love, among so many others. I couldn't get a good read on him but I'm sure he couldn't get a good read on me either, my emotions have been all over the place since I arrived.
Tired of the standoff I asked "What"
"You're a mess Bella Swan" was all he said as I scoffed and rolled my eyes.
"Well no shit, my emotions could have told you that," I said annoyed
"No, I mean your literally a mess. Your all dirty" He said as he gestured to my mud-stained outfit. "Your emotions, on the other hand, are actually quite clear"
"Oh, they are huh? Then please enlighten me cause I have no idea what's going on" I sneered as he smiled gently
"Bella, your anger rings loud and clear. However, part of the reason your so angry is because of your hurt. Wounded. You feel betrayed, replaced, and quite frankly alone. You also feel immense love…for us. As well as your new companions. You feel scared, lost confused, angry at yourself, and shame. All at once, I might add. Am I correct?"
I pursed my lips as I refused to meet his eyes. Damn vampire.
"Bella, your emotions are valid. Running from them won't help you. I know you're angry but if you would like I can be of some assistance? I do have a knack of settling the unsettled" He softly smiled as I glared at the ground.
"So after I told you to fuck off your offering to help me?" I asked questioning his motives
"Well in hindsight it's not that you didn't have a reason. Carlisle for all his wisdom is at much of loss at how to handle this situation as the rest of them are."
"And you're taking yourself out of that equation why? You left too" I reminded him harshly as he nodded his head.
"I did, I should have come back. I was worried however at putting you in danger again, your blood was powerful, the sign of power to come. I should have sensed it sooner. However, it seems my advice is being overlooked which is simply to grant your wish. To leave you alone until your ready to talk. Like it or not families argue and although the death of your father was of no little consequence, we recognized we failed you. What the others don't realize, including my darling mate, is that pushing you to talk will solve nothing."
"Well, your right on that one" I muttered grudgingly.
"And that Alice sending you on this quest was both necessary and unfair." He admitted softly as I turned sharply to him.
"So you did know" I confirmed
"In a way, we didn't know what it would entail specifically but that you needed to go to set in motion your happiness."
"My happiness!" I gaped "Do you even know what you're talking about!? My happiness is nonexistent! All you've managed to do is point me in a direction, everything else was my own choice. I'm constantly on my toes, constantly looking over my shoulder. Hell, I don't even have the will to open my heart to some stupid happiness!" I gritted out.
"But you will. I know you, Bella. You don't do well with lose-lose situations. You always look for the best outcome. I even know that your feelings toward your companions are…muddled. There is a red string of fate at work here."
"And that string may be manipulated by you and Alice?"
"No, Alice is a seer. A gifted one but nothing more than an observer. She couldn't interfere even if she wanted too. She can only set one on their path."
"Uh-huh, and she just happened to set me on this dangerous path for my supposed happiness"
"Well, nothing worthwhile ever comes easy" He answered with a shrug.
"Thanks, I'll remember that," I said sarcastically just as Alice stepped out. She gave me a half-hearted smile before going to stand beside her husband.
"So how much did you hear?" I questioned as she shrugged
"Enough to know you don't trust us." She said easily
"Well I could have told you that"
"Yes, but you wouldn't have. Jasper's right though, I can't control the future I can only guide and observe" She said quietly
"Well, Ms. Seer, what do you observe?" I asked sarcastically as she gave me a knowing stare
"I see you succeeding" She answered
Gawking, I decided not to answer.
"Well, it's time to go. We have a wedding to attend after all" She went back to her chipper self as she called Jane and Alec. They needed to report it back to Aro after all.
"Bella you'll succeed. Her mother will be with us, if only for a short while"
Staring after them as they went to the garage I was joined shortly by Alec and Jane. Jane all too thrilled to intimidate the Cullen's by following them but Alec held back. Standing beside me he said without looking at me:
"Are you ready for this?"
"No" I answered before I sighed "But let's go anyways"
Alec
This human hospital was utterly depressing. Stale colored walls, with barely any lighting and all rooms looking the same. I could hear every human in this hospital, every whispered breath and every disgusting smell. For the sake of the brothers I'll leave the details out of the report to the brothers. However, my full attention was on Bella.
She was anxious, on edge. Her eyes darted every so often to the human girl and the Cullen boy and every time she bit in her lip. She was bunching her hands and gripping so tight to her shirt I was surprised it was still intact.
I had the strongest urge to hold it, bring her hand into mine in a stand of solidary. Mentally shaking my head, I ignored all such thoughts. Doing that would be simply out of the question. Not to mention completely inappropriate. No, all thoughts of that must be shoved aside.
I heard a slight sniffle from the human girl that brought a distraction and I saw the Cullen boy wrap her in his arms.
Pathetic.
Death was only natural for such delicate creatures. Any fool who doesn't foresee the downfall is only putting off the heartache. Of course, I couldn't be so harsh either. Losing one's mother must be a delicate situation for those with little understanding of life's cruel cycle.
Entering the sick woman's room, all I could smell was death. The woman lying in the bed was no woman at all, but merely a shadow of her once self. It was truly a pitiful sight. The machines were keeping her alive but only slight. For once I was sorry for this human girl. Watching a mother figure slowly waste away must not be easy for any creature however it is to be expected. That doesn't make it easy.
Next to me I caught Bella's brightened eyes and I intuitively knew that any loss is hard no matter the species.
Carlisle after checking the various machines came over to us as the human girl, Astrid, spent a few moments with her human mother.
"She won't be long now. Bella, we must be quick if you still want too" He hedged as Bella steeled herself and nodded her head.
With confidence she walked over to the dying woman and with such a gentle touch she lightly touched the woman's head. For some reason this kind of tactic only worked with physical touch and only for a few moments. I stood at the ready.
If things were to go wrong, I was prepared to cast off if only to spare this woman any more pain. Death was hard and there was no need to make it harder.
With tension in the air Bella gave a slight gasp Bella went rigid as the woman tensed and then after a few moments her eyes widened and there was clarity in her eyes.
"Astrid" She whispered as the girl gave off a sob and clutched the woman in her arms, the woman caressing her hair with the touch of a mother.
"Mama" She kept whispering as she sniffled and brought the Cullen boy over who had tears of his own. "Mama this is Edward. We've been visiting you for quite some time"
"Yes, I know who your Edward is. It's so nice to meet you" she haggard out as I could tell it was hard for her to speak. "Astrid, I'm so happy I could be here"
With a gasp she nodded her head and stood up as she grasped the Cullen boy's hands. "Me too mama"
"If I would ma'am, I believe it's time for your daughter to be wed" Jasper intervened with a book in his hands.
Nodding her head, she settled into her pillows and looked at the young couple. Sweet words were spoken I'm sure, but my attention was on Bella and the fragile woman. Bella was trembling slightly, and I knew Carlisle had caught the same detail I had.
Be quick Boy I warned as Edward gave a curt nod in my direction.
After some spoken vows and a more words there was gentle clapping and a kiss shared between the newlywed couple.
"Thank you, thank you, Mama I'm married now" Astrid said through tears as the woman nodded, the light fading from her eyes.
"Yes, I'm so happy that you will be taken care of. Say my thanks to this gentlewoman here" She haggard as she brought her feeble hand up to touch Bella's pale elbow "for she can release me, I can see her. I can see her" She whispered as her eyes went to Edward. "I'm happy you found my daughter. I'm ready. I'm ready" She let out a deep breath just as Bella yelped and collapsed.
Instantly the room came alive, I dodged; catching her as I looked in alarm. Bella was heavy in my arms, no response coming from her. I looked on as Astrid gasped and clutched her mother's hands as her eyes closed and she started to convulse. Acting on instinct I cast my gift calming her instantly as I looked back to Bella. Her eyes were still closed.
"What happened!?" I demanded looking at the doctor who was unplugging machines as Esme came beside me and started stroking Bella's hair. I hissed at her, daring her or anyone to touch Bella again.
"Get Bella out of here, it might have been an overload on her" Jasper told me
I hissed out "Oh, it might have been!" I growled as I leaped up, Bella fitting easily in my arms as I felt Jane rush beside me. I took the fire escape. The fewer eyes the better and instantly we were out of that dreaded hospital and in the safety of the woods. I shook Bella lightly, almost compelling her to awaken.
Nothing.
I panicked as I looked to my sister who looked just as lost as I felt.
"Alec, I don't know what to do either. This has never happened. I've never seen anything like this!" She looked on as she, to my horror, used her gift and yet still nothing. I shook her, in fact tempted to slap her, anything to arose her. Nothing was working, she still lied their limp. Almost dead.
In all my years, in all my experience, I have never felt so helpless. How do you fix this? How do I fix this?
Think, think, think!
Desperate I heard running footfalls just as Jasper and his mate arrived. Her eyes were murky while Jasper's eyes were laser-focused on Bella. I snarled, getting front of her to protect her from this threat.
Protect, protect, protect
Instantly Jasper halted and went into a submissive stance, baring his neck to me, showing I had nothing to fear. Showing he was no threat to her. Allowing him to pass and to file this response to study later I went over next to Bella as Jasper knelt beside her. Alice behind him studying the scene closely.
'What is he doing?" I asked harshly as she calmly stared.
"He's trying to wake her; the exercise was too much for Bella to handle especially at her passing. She'll be alright, Alec" She soothed as I turned away, glaring at her mate.
Concentrating Jasper bent over Bella's still frame, her body slightly convulsing until she shot up, breathless and scrambled to her feet. Jasper still in concentration was able to get her calmed as relief flooded my body.
She was okay.
Rushing past him I grabbed her shoulders, looking her square on. "Are you alright" I asked as she simply nodded, bringing a hand up to her head. She was swaying on her feet and I brought my arm around her, stabilizing her.
"What did you do?" I demanded of the empath as she got to his knees, looking quite tired himself.
"I reset her so to speak. That was an overload on Bella's mind. It grew too much, and I had to pull Bella out of her mind. Bella, are you alright?" He asked concerned as Bella nodded.
"Yeah, yeah I think so. I'm sorry, I don't – I don't remember anything. We were just in the hospital and now I'm here. What happened" Confused she looked towards me as I subtly brought her closer.
"Everything went well, but towards the end you collapsed. We brought you here because it was safer" I explained looking to Jasper with my questions of my own.
"yes, unfortunately, Astrid's mother has departed. I believe that may have contributed to your collapse. For all instance and purpose, she, well, kicked you out" Jasper shrugged as I raised my eyebrow.
"That's my best theory. Either way, Bella it may be best you do not try that trick anymore" He suggested as Bella nodded vigorously.
"Yeah I agree. That sucked." After a beat she asked quietly, while looking on the ground "Is Astrid okay?"
"She will be. She's a bit raw but in time she will heal" Alice answered smiling softly at Bella.
"Um, Jasper, Alice I'm sorry…for how I acted yesterday. I'm not sorry for what I said" She looked at them stiffly "but still sorry for how I said it"
"We understand Bella, believe me, we deserve it. My only hope is that can forgive us in time. Maybe this can be the start of that?" She hedged quietly as she looked away, still hanging onto my arm.
"Maybe, but, not now. There's still…too much" She looked back at them and Alice nodded ruefully.
"I understand but if you need anything, we're just a phone call away. Any of us" She empathized as I kept my different mask.
What was she aiming at?
"Of course. Well, our work is done" Bella said quietly while looking at me.
Recognizing her cue, I cleared my throat and stood straight "Yes, if we're no longer needed, I believe our mission is complete. If you'll excuse us, we have a flight" I bluffed as Alice nodded knowingly.
"Yes, well, have a safe flight. We'll see you all again" She said in that knowing voice.
"Yes, we will," Bella answered as she turned; Janie and I followed suit.
Those two were speaking in certainties and I realized that Bella was hiding something. They all were. Raising my eyebrow at them Alice just gave me a soft smile and a wink before she and her mate ran in the opposite direction.
What was she hiding?
Forgive, sounds good
Forget, I'm not sure I could
They say time heals everything
But I'm still waiting
The Chicks – Not ready to make nice