I wake with the sensation of my hair being gently tugged. For a moment I get lost in the feeling. The gentle touches keep me in that place between sleep and wakefulness.

I've always loved having my hair played with. No one has done my hair since the last time Lissa's mom made a fishtail braid for me on Christmas.

A woman's voice hums a soft tune and all the recent events crash down on me. I'm suddenly alert, strung like a live wire. My eyes snap open. Rhonda sits before me. She drops my hair when I catch her gaze. "Did you sleep-"

I bolt upright and push her away from me. "Don't touch me."

I stand so I'm looking down at her. Ambrose is not in the room anymore. "What did you give me?" I demand. A tide of fury rises in me. I run my hands through my hair and pull apart the braid she'd been working on.

I don't think she or Ambrose did anything when I was passed out, but she put me in the position of forever wondering what happened. I take a threatening step toward her.

She must read that on my face, but it doesn't make her balk. She sighs and wipes her palms on her long skirt. The hairs on the back of my neck are raised, unsure what she'll do. She stands and walks over to the tea station. "I was surprised as you were that you reacted so strongly to the tea, but I assure you that it was tea. How is your head?"

I realize then the piercing ache with the sharp pain behind my eyes has disappeared.

I wouldn't take that pain back for anything, but it doesn't change that she left me incapacitated and made me see wild things. I glance around the room as if to wash away any doubt. The room was just as it was when I arrived here… yesterday? How long had I been asleep? The room had no windows so I couldn't know if the sun had risen yet.

There was no evidence of what happened - none of the flowers that looked so real I could see veins on the petals like lines on a palm. The cute, white flowers that adorned Rhonda's hair were also nowhere in sight.

"That's a load of crap." I seethe. I've never hallucinated like that before; I thought I did once, when I saw the ghost of Mason, but he turned out to be real.

I stalk over to the tea station and rip a glass jar from Rhonda's hands. She holds her hands up defensively, an indulgent look on her face like she's dealing with a child.

I bring it up to my nose and sniff it. Mint. It looks like dried, crushed leaves and nothing more. I look at the array of glass jars in front of me.

"What else was in the tea?" I ask - it comes out like a growl.

Rhonda gives me a sad look and chews on her lip. "I'm sorry to see you're so upset. I gave you something to take away your pain, that's all. Now, if there's something else going on with your head, perhaps some magic that caused the headache, and the tea relaxed you enough to allow those other side effects to come about… I'm afraid I caused you more pain when I intended to take it away."

Her words are enough to temper my blood from boiling over.

Some magic caused the headache. Spirit darkness. I knew the headache spawned from that anyway. Only, I've dealt with darkness in the past, and it never caused me to hallucinate. I don't trust her, especially this innocent, maternal act she's got going for her. I look away from her sad, imploring eyes and dump the contents of the glass jar on the floor.

Rhonda lifts her chin defiantly.

"This isn't just tea," I ask, but it comes out as more of a statement.

Her lips twitch. "Like I said, I wanted to take away your pain."

The tempering only had a temporary effect. My blood boils over. I throw the jar at the wall and watch it explode into tiny fragments. In one motion I sweep my arm over the tea station and knock over dozens of tiny glass jars. Most of them shatter from the fall and I slam my foot down on the others.

Fragrance erupts around us. Mint and raspberry, like the tea, but also a mix of herbs I can't identify. It's an assault to the senses, it reminds me how visceral the vision of flowers growing in Rhonda's hair was.

I turn back to her with a sneer. She regards me with wide eyes, something about her seems excited to see my outburst and that makes me more furious.

I pick up a shard of glass and point it at her. We're about the same height, so I stand as tall as I can to peer down at her.

"You're going to stay the fuck away from me," I warn her. "If I hear any whispers about you messing with anyone else I will hurt you. I don't want to see Ambrose around either."

She takes even breaths. She doesn't look threatened by me at all and if she wasn't a moroi I would prove to her why she should be afraid of me.

She gives me a half smile. "You're just like I thought you'd be," she says.

Then she takes slow steps forward until her neck is pressed against the shard in my hand. I try to pull my hand away but she's quick, she grabs hold of my wrist and keeps the glass pressed tightly to her throat, making an indent on her skin. She has a surprisingly strong grip.

"Do it," she says in a calm voice.

A shocked gasp escapes me.

On instinct I try to rip my hand away from her again but she holds onto me firmly and steps even closer. I only wanted to intimidate her but she's crazier than me. It knocked me off my game. What am I doing? Breaking glass, threatening a moroi with a weapon… I could get into a lot of trouble for this.

If I press the glass in any harder I could seriously hurt her, and as much as I despise her right now, I don't want that.

I manage to pry open my fingers and let the glass shard fall. Rhonda releases my wrist and I quickly back away from her. Her face drops like I've let her down. If she's some kind of adrenaline junkie I won't be the one to help her hurt herself.

"Stay away from me," I repeat.

I stomp out of the room and slam the door on my way out.

Just outside the building I see Ambrose walking up with takeout bags.

His eyes light up when he sees me, but it quickly fades once he takes in my expression. I cut off a moroi couple so I can stand in front of him and grab the collar of his shirt. He drops the bags of food.

"I already told off your crazy aunt but I want to make it clear. I don't know what your game is but I want you to leave me alone," I hiss. Several people stop walking and watch the two of us. Angry tears spring to my eyes, and Ambrose's shine with panic.

"I better not hear about anyone else going to get their tarot read ending up drugged out on the couch."

He opens his mouth to protest but I don't want to hear it. He stumbles when I push him away and march off.

Sweat drips from my shoulder blades to the waistline of my leggings. The air conditioning is pumping full blast in the gym but my cheeks are flushed and my shirt is turning a different color around my armpits and the small of my back from my effort. My Chemical Romance is playing through my headphones.

I only lost half a day being unconscious in Rhonda's room. After I showered and ate dinner I went back out to the gym. No matter how many miles I run or reps I pull, I can't work out this anger at being so easily taken advantage of. And for what?

It doesn't make sense, which is why I don't have the words to tell Lissa about it. She would tell me to open a report about it, but I'm already on thin ice with the guardians, I don't need to tell them I accidentally ingested a bunch of psychedelic drugs too.

I count to fifteen in my head as I lift the dumbbells. I watch my form in the mirrored wall as I complete this part of the routine, so I see the three dhampir men approaching me from behind.

They're all tall with cropped hair, they look to be in their mid twenties. They're coming from the sparring ring. I turn my eyes back to my arms, hoping that if I ignore them they'll ignore me back.

"Gentlemen, it looks like we've got ourselves a new barracks bunny."

I drop the weights, rip my headphones out, and turn on the speaker. In the blink of an eye I shove him against the wall and the mirrors wobble.

He shoves back but I was anticipating that, my foot is already hooked behind his knee and I pull it toward me. He becomes unstable on his left side and I bring the same foot down on his knee cap. He crumples and ends up kneeling before me.

"The name is Guardian Hathaway."

He's shooting me daggers but the damage is done, his friends are snickering at him behind me. "Bitch," he growls.

I should be satisfied that I'd already knocked him down a peg - he lost face in front of his friends. He took a blow to his ego and his knee which will leave him with a limp for at least a day. But I'm not satisfied. His discomfort is not enough.

I lean in so he can hear me over his loud friends. "I hope you bleed, motherfucker." I pull my fist back and land a punch square on his mouth. Bright red stains his lips and teeth, and my knuckles. I swing back for another hit but the others are on me in an instant, pulling us apart.

Once they have us separated they let me go. I crouch in a fighting stance, a savage grin pulling at my lips. "Who's next?"

The gym manager gets close to us and clears his throat, giving me a sharp look. Fights between guardians aren't uncommon, even tolerated to an extent. We have to pick our fights with people in our own social class, and given the training we've had are our own size, so to speak. "That's enough. I don't care who started it but you can all see yourselves out," the manager demands. He looks at me accusingly when he speaks.

I sit on a bench outside the gym and rub my knuckles. The skin there is peeled back slightly. That was a dirty throw and I knew better than to let comments like that go straight to my head. When I threw the punch it wasn't his face I was seeing but Ambrose's.

"I shouldn't have hit him," I mumble out loud.

"He deserved it."

I lift my head and peer up at another dhampir man, only this one has russet brown hair and five o'clock shadow. He offers me a conspiratorial smile.

"Yeah, he did," I agree halfheartedly. I think of all the times I wound up sitting in Alberta's office with a stern warning or detention. My anger used to get the better of me to the point that I would risk expulsion. I thought I was over that, but every now and then I lose control. When I met Dimitri he seemed the opposite in every way, always calm and collected - he started training me and showed me how to reign in my frustration, to acknowledge the anger but set it aside for the moments when it would count. It was only after I knew him better that I realized his anger runs even deeper than mine at times.

"If I hit every guardian who deserves it, I'd leave court vulnerable to a strigoi attack."

He chuckles. "How strategic of you. The enemy of my enemy is my friend and all that."

"Exactly."

I stand and swing my gym bag over my shoulder. "Care to go for a round with me?" the man calls after me. I turn back and see him looking expectedly between me and the gym doors.

The gym manager glowers at me from the other side of the glass.

"Another time, uh…?"

He grins and holds out his hand. "Ty."

"Rose."

His grin deepens. "That's not what you told the other guy."

I can't help it, I return his smile. "My friends call me Rose."

He sucks in a breath through his teeth. "I should stick to Guardian Hathaway, then."

This makes me outright laugh. "I'll see you around, Ty."

In my room I strip off my sweaty clothes and retie my hair into a bun on top of my head for my second shower of the day. This one is quick since I already washed my hair. My phone pings. It's a message from Adrian in a groupchat with Lissa and Christian telling us to meet him at Oblivion, one of the more popular bars at court.

I dress in black jeans and a red top that leaves one shoulder exposed. I meet Lissa outside the palace. Lissa compliments my shirt and I laugh. She bought it for herself but decided it suited my chest better, and she's wearing a green top that I bought but gave to her because the color suits her better. Both of us have our hair tied half up-half down.

"Did you choose your shirt because you saw me choose this one?" she asks.

"No," I say honestly. "Even when I'm not in your head we're thinking alike."

We link arms and make our way to meet the guys at the bar. "How did the meeting go today?"

She has a tight smile on her face. "The council is upset, but what's done is done. Tatiana isn't going to call him back to court now." She squeezes my shoulder reassuringly. "He's safe."

We make it to Oblivion, a stark looking building from the outside. I small line is formed by the door. The bouncer is dhampir, and it's his job to make sure only moroi and dhampir who are escorted by a moroi can get in.

Inside the bar, the music is blaring. Projector lights and a fog machine throw shadows all over the room, shadows that dance everytime the lights move. It creates the effect that the whole room is dancing. The dance floor is full of moroi with their slender, model-like bodies. I've only been in here once through Lissa's eyes. The last time I was at any kind of club I was hunting strigoi.

Adrian and Christian are standing at the bar, Christian waves us over. Adrian is talking enthusiastically to a man with dark curls who has his back to us. They turn as we're approaching and I almost freeze. Ambrose gives me a weary look.

I saunter up to Adrian and snake my arm around his shoulder, kissing him on the cheek. I want Ambrose to know that when I told him to leave me alone, that extends to my friends and boyfriend.

He's lucky I already threw punches today or I'm not sure how I'd react to seeing him so soon after I told him to stay clear of me.

Adrian's arm wraps around my waist and he continues telling his story to Ambrose. Ambrose's eyes flick to me, he's uncomfortable, and I smirk. I relax into Adrian but keep my gaze trained on Ambrose. He clears his throat and excuses himself, taking his drink with him and disappearing on the dance floor.

Adrian turns to me with furrowed brows. "What was that about?"

I smooth back his hair. "He probably thought you should be paying more attention to me than him."

He gives me a lazy grin. "I'm being so rude. Hi."

"Hi."

"Let me get you a drink."

I order a gin and tonic. It doesn't escape me that Adrian already has a drink. Is it his first drink tonight? How long was Ambrose here? Adrian isn't watching his cup very diligently.

I brush off my concerns. I'm overthinking it. Ambrose wouldn't be so stupid as to drug a lord in a very public bar. Besides, Adrian is his normal buzzed self.

I sip on my gin, it's sweeter than vodka and has a fruity aftertaste. The song changes to one I recognize. Lissa pulls Christian to the dance floor. Adrian wraps his arm around me more tightly. "I'm glad you came out tonight."

"I'm already having a better time here than at the masquerade."

He nods sagely and places his hand over his heart. "I promise you that for every mandatory function, I will make up for it with two frivolous things."

"I have a better idea. You don't take me to the mandatory functions, and then you have nothing to make up for."

He pouts, "You would send me into the wolf den on my own?"

"That's your family you're talking about," I say, repeating the sentiment he shared in Lissa's suite.

He rolls his eyes and downs the rest of his drink. "For each mandatory function I'll take you on three dates of your choice."

The masquerade was boring, and unnecessarily stiff, but Adrian seems to be willfully ignoring the real reason I was upset that night. He says it so seriously, if I laughed right now he would be offended. I lean in and press my lips to his. I can taste the bitter vodka from his drink. "I'll go to any function, just because I like you."

This earns me a more genuine smile from him. "Come on little dhampir, let's show you a real party."

He pulls me onto the dance floor and we step into the rhythm.

Time seeps away and I lose myself in the movements of my own body. Sometimes I dance with Adrian, sometimes Lissa. Adrian brings me new drinks whenever I finish one. I was keeping count but after four I lost track, mostly because I'm helping Adrian finish off his drinks too.

Each time Ambrose and I catch sight of each other, he moves discreetly away to another part of the dance floor. I haven't decided what to do about him and his aunt yet. I don't have evidence that they did anything wrong.

Adrian notices that I'm distracted and pulls me in by my waist. He's a good dancer. When I was training, I always thought that fighting was a lot like dancing. Adrian has that graceful control of his body that would make him a good fighter, if he ever tried.

I also know that the kind of control over his body would translate to other activities. I think it's time to leave the club and bring Adrian back to my place. My back is to him and I press closer, leaning up to ask him to come home with me when I do a double take on a couple dancing ahead of us.

A moroi woman has her teeth in her partner's neck, making no attempt to hide their intimate act. A thin line of blood seeps down to his collarbone. A shiver runs through me. I glance at Adrian, a thousand questions on my tongue.

He pulls my hair back and says softly. "Nobody will judge here. This place is more open than the rest of court."

I look back to the couple, the man's head is tipped back in ecstasy, the chemical rush I know very well. I've completely stopped dancing at this point, intently watching the feeding happening in plain view. The woman's fingers are indented on her partner's skin, his jaw is hanging open and I swear I hear a moan escape him over the music.

Memories spring to the surface - the toe-curling pleasure of heat rushing through my veins, each touch of fingers over my skin an electrified current. Nothing is like it, not even sex, although to be fair, I'd experienced that one time compared to the many times I've been bitten. And it's been so long…

A finger traces along my neck softly, sending more shivers through me. I look up and I'm shocked to see green eyes instead of the depths of brown I've come to associate with both kinds of pleasure.

Adrian's eyes are intent yet guileless as he takes me in, my breathing is quick and ragged and I lick my lips involuntarily. "Is that something you're interested in, little dhampir?"

"I…" The heat I felt dissipates, leaving only the shock that two moroi would do this publicly, and the need to disguise my desire. "I need a minute." I push away from Adrian before he can stop me and exit the bar.

I walk out into the cool night air. The horizon is turning a lighter shade of purple and gray as a slow rising sun approaches.

I can't go back to that place. I can't give in to Adrian, as erotic as it could be, and spiral down to the place I was in before. I was a blood whore, and I almost became a strigoi because of it.

When I saw that woman biting her partner, I was jealous, and when Adrian offered to assuage my desire, I was tempted. I blow out a heavy breath.

What made it worse is that the memories of the bite aren't so dissimilar from what happened earlier today. Whatever Rhonda gave me, if I'm being completely honest, was pleasurable in a different way, almost an essential way. It was a sudden release of pressure, like dropping a weight that's too heavy, or coming up for air after being underwater for too long.

The sky is becoming lighter, and the purple on the horizon turns to pale pink.

It will be midday where he is now. He can go in the sun now. I imagine him outside with his head tipped back to the sky. He would adapt to a human schedule, if his new position as far guard allows it. I wonder what that must be like for him, after months not being touched by the warmth of the sun.

I take out my phone and tap the most recently called number, not caring if I wake someone up and not entirely sure what I'm going to say. It rings and rings but no one picks up.