A/N: I split the last chapter. This is mostly old content with some heavy editing and a small addition to the end.
As Luna Lovegood stepped into the sitting room from the fireplace, the dingy room immediately brightened, not just because of her yellow jumper paired and blue leggings and striped socks, or the way her long fair hair pooled about her shoulders, or the ridiculous cork necklace about her neck, but her actual presence in the grey room in the grey house in the grey neighborhood.
She looked up at him as she pulled her blue knit hat from her head and shook out the soot. "What?"
He shook his head. "I do not believe this house has seen so much color since before either of us was born." If ever.
As she scanned the room as she set her large woven shoulder bag down on her trunk which had arrived earlier, he cringed imagining the thoughts that must be running through her head.
"So many books…" she mumbled. "Have you read them all?"
"Yes, with a few exceptions." His eyes followed her as he stood motionless and tense.
"That's wonderful," she said under her breath as she walked along the bookshelves, her delicate-seeming fingers grazing the spines. "Muggle titles too…"
He nodded and swallowed down the growing lump in his chest. This was a terrible idea. He could not share space, especially not this space with all its difficult memories, especially not with this dotty witch.
She pulled her fingers away as she looked his way.
"Shall I show you to your room?"
She smiled and gave him a dreamy-eyed look that only Luna Lovegood could. "That would be wonderful."
He pulled open the bookcase that hid the stairway and motioned her up the stairs.
"Is this the home you grew up in then?" She wondered aloud.
He nodded. She was already delving into it then. "Yes."
"How lovely."
He grunted. "You may have this room." He swung the door on the left at the top of the stairs open to reveal the large four poster bed covered in grey linens.
She glanced up at him, eyes narrowed. "But this is the master…"
"Yes."
She tilted her head. "Are you sure?"
"Yes. This is the master. I am sure," he replied sarcastically, but held back his preferred sneering tone, willing himself to be less severe with her, which was more difficult than he had anticipated as it had clearly become his default after all these years among students and other imbeciles.
She laughed. "No. Are you sure you wish me to take this? Isn't it yours?"
"I will be fine across the hall. Do not concern yourself about that."
She gave him an exacerbated sighed with eyes to match. "But Si-Severus. You are still recovering. You -"
"Luna, please. I insist." His face tightened as he felt his heart rate jump.
She stepped into the room without further protest and jumped up onto the mattress, kicking her boots from her striped socks with two loud thumps. She smiled. "Thank you." She then yawned.
The tension fell from his jaw as he nodded. "Shall I leave you to rest, then?"
"That would be fine."
"The bathroom is across the hall. The necessities are stocked. I will be downstairs should you require anything."
She stood up, crossing the room. She looked up at him, her grey eyes deep with swirling concern. "I know this all must be very difficult for you."
He leaned away from her presence. "Luna, I - that does not matter."
"Listen to me, Severus. This is important." Her eyes became focused and intense in a way he could not recall seeing on her dreamy features before.
He nodded, swallowing back against the ache that had found its way back into his chest as she stepped even closer.
"I need you to know something." Her eyes locked on his.
He raised an eyebrow. "Yes?"
"I need you to know that if you had come to me beforehand and told me what you were being asked to do to me, I would have agreed to let you. I would have played my part for the greater cause."
He stepped away from the witch. "That is absurd," he said in a voice barely above a whisper.
"Is it not what you did?" She tilted her chin up, stepping closer. "Participated in horrible things for the greater good? Had to make many terrible choices?"
He closed his eyes and took a long slow breath, clenching his teeth. "That is not at all comparable."
"Look at me!" His eyes snapped to her face as she continued, her voice strained. "Do you want me to hate you? Would that make you feel better somehow? I can play that part too."
"Why do you give a shit about what I want, Luna? I did not afford you the same. How can you not hate me?" He replied in a slow, controlled tone even as his inner thoughts screamed curses mostly directed at himself.
"There is no reason-"
"You would have chosen this?" He motioned to her and then to himself, a little less controlled.
"I would have been a willing conspirator in whatever you needed to keep your good graces with the Death Eaters if it meant defeating Voldemort like we did. In fact, when I looked into your eyes that night, I understood the choice you had to make, and I became a willing participant. We were on the same side. I know it now, and I suspected as much then. Don't you see?"
"And this?" He waved at her abdomen.
She glanced down and back at him. "Well...If I am honest," She chewed her lip and took a deep breath. "Because of this," she placed her hand on her midsection. "I am even more grateful it was you and not any of the others there that night." She visibly shuttered as she took another deep breath.
Her words washed over him. How could she be so sanguine about this? "But don't you see Luna. I failed you. I could have prevented this if I had been less worried about my own despair and thought of yours. A contraceptive charm would have been nothing had I given your needs any thought. You should be furious."
"I am unsure you get to be the judge of that, Severus," her voice soft, calm even. "What about me? I could have not gotten caught in the first place, or given in to the Death Eaters demands for compliance and loyalty, or at least faked it like you did." She sighed as the resolve returned to her features. "But there is no value in thinking about those things. My father had this saying that I always liked but did not really understand until recently, 'yesterday means nothing to tomorrow.'"
He studied her, there was not much to her physically, more hair than anything else, but her presence seemed so much bigger than her stature, especially in the way she looked at him now. "You think you are to blame in any way for any of this?"
She shook her head, her hair flowing about her. "No. I think it is silly to even cast blame on what has been done. It does not change anything really, does it?" She shrugged.
Her logic was sound. Blame rarely solved anything. "No. It is usually a worthless endeavor."
"You want me to hate you, but hate is too simple, too easy. I hate the situation we were forced into, and I hate Voldemort. But this..." She motioned between them. "...is too complicated for hate. I don't hate you, and I hope someday you won't either." Taking a deep breath, she turned from him to look out the shaded window.
He stared at her back finding her words echoing in his thoughts. "Unlikely," he snorted.
She looked over her shoulder. "What?"
"Unlikely. Hate may be too complicated for you Luna, but I find it suits me well."
She turned. "Suit yourself." She crossed the space between them again and looked up at him. "Forgive me?"
He raised a brow, "Whatever for?"
"This." She wrapped her arms around his waist and pulled herself close. She stayed that way for a long breath before pulling away.
Severus, for his part, held his breath until she pulled free, Minerva's words running through his head, just be kind.
Sleep failed to find him that night as he replayed her words over and over in his head. Horrible things. Terrible choices. Hate is too simple. Willing conspirator. Grateful it was you.
Did the strange witch really believe these words, or was it all part of her annoying undying optimism. Spending these recent days with the witch, he frequently suspected her demeanor to be as much as a facade as his own. No one could be that serene and hopeful all the damn time, especially not someone with such first hand knowledge of all the darkness that existed in this world, of the cruel nature of people, could they?
But if anyone could, it was likely Luna Lovegood. He shook his head as he reluctantly allowed his thoughts to drift to last year, of Hogwarts and of Malfoy Manor. He thought of the moment he had caught her, Longbottom and the youngest Weasley attempting to steal the sword from his office. It was the first time he really had considered her anything more than the Loony Ravenclaw that struggled to stay focused (and to wear appropriate footwear) in potions labs but still managed high marks in his classes despite her seeming constant level of distraction. When he had stormed into his office to find them, she was the only one to stand tall and look him straight in the eyes with those swirling silvery orbs, with a mix of defiance and curiosity, but not fear and not regret.
Those damn eyes. Always catching him off guard, never hesitating to meet his own as few others dared. Now that he thought of it, she had always been one of the few to do so, even before. He'd paid no mind back then, seeing her as just another irritating student, just a bit odder than most. Did she always see his secrets there? She seemed to have little trouble doing so recently.
Massaging his temples, he closed his eyes, wishing sleep could find him and silence his thoughts if even briefly. Instead, his exhausted mind continued to feed him unwelcomed images of the witch; her nonanswers and silence during her interrogations at Malfoy Manor, mostly at the hands of Bellatrix, her silver eyes dimmed but not defeated; her waifish, nearly nude form splayed before him and a room full of mocking masked wizards, the look of resolve in those deep, probing orbs.
Finally, he kicked free of the bedding and stood. His joints cracked and his body ached as he stretched and groaned. He supposed a shower and some caffeine would have to suffice in place of sleep for today.
A/N: Leave me your thoughts. It helps immensely!