A/N: A short update. More to come but stuck on something right now. Happy Holidays. As always, please leave me your thoughts!
The overwhelming emotions of Luna Lovegood's consciousness still clung to him like wet robes as he stormed out the front door of 12 Grimmauld Place. Once free of the protection wards, he apparated into the sitting room of Spinner's End and flopped into his armchair, the swirling visions still playing in his thoughts. He grappled with his own intense response to what he'd seen and felt and his inability to name them; joy, contentment, satisfaction, tenderness, adoration? It was all of those things and somehow different and somehow more. There was such certainty, so unlike the feelings pulsing in his chest now. How could someone so young, so naive be so sure of the world?
No. Luna may be young, but she was no longer naive of the cruelties of life. And yet, despite it all, she still found so much to joy in life, so much hope, so much...life. She was so child-like in that way. He could not remember a time where he had felt the same. Perhaps he never had.
He stood and moved into the kitchen. He reached for the bottle of firewhiskey in his cabinet. Just before pouring it, he sighed and put the bottle back in the cabinet. He would not fall into that trap again. He needed to do better than just numbing the emotions away. That never got him anywhere but drunk.
No. He had felt that way once. Those days still stood brightly in his memory even while so many others tried to drown them out. He stared out the kitchen window in the direction of the park down the street. He'd felt hope and optimism for the future back then, as most children, even those with experiences such as his own. He too had possessed a child-like innocence once-upon-time. And even though his innocence quickly faded, he still maintained that he could have a future that contained happiness and even love. But he ruined that all in a moment of loss of control.
He clenched his jaw as he turned from the window, and walked back into the sitting room. He hissed as he saw the black wax sealed letter laying in the empty fireplace. In all his conflict, he'd nearly forgotten the reason for this all. Luna still needed his protection. He set the letter aflame and sat back down in the chair, his head in his hands. He could not leave her now. Not until this Lestrange business was settled. He's promised her that.
The twisting, quarreling sensations in his chest were more terrifying to him than any fear he'd previously encountered, but as with all the other challenges he had forced himself to face, this was no different. He swallowed, cleared his throat, and sat up. One by one, with deep cleansing breaths, he replaced his mental shields and focused on his mission; keep Luna Lovegood safe.
He stood, went upstairs to his bedroom, and stripped himself from his night clothes. As the heat of the shower water pelted his shoulders, he felt the tension wash away as his energy centered. Emerging refreshed and energized, he pulled out his usual black garb. Straightening his shoulders, he ran his fingers through his damp locks, and apparated back to the stoop of 12 Grimmauld Place.
Luna sat on the sitting room davenport, a textbook on her lap, Hermione's revision schedule beside her, and her blonde locks twisted in a mess atop her head held in place by her wand. She looked up as he entered the room. "Feeling better?"
He nodded once as he sat down beside her.
Closing her book, she turned to him. "Will you tell me what happened?"
"A moment of impulsivity which I deeply regret."
She nodded. "I see."
"I invaded your privacy and broke your trust even if you did not realize it."
Her eyes widened. "Oh. Legilimency then?"
"Yes. I am sorry. It will not happen again."
"What did you see?"
"I am not entirely sure."
"No?"
He shook his head. "No. Your mind is unlike anything I have ever experienced."
"That's nice. Someday you will understand, I think." She smiled as she touched his hand.
He huffed as he glanced over at her. "Always so confident."
She laughed. "If that is what you would like to call it." She moved closer and took his hand in hers. "I forgive you, Severus. Do not fret on it further, okay?"
He sighed. "It is not that simple."
"It can be if you want it to be." She locked eyes with him.
He looked away. For Luna, the world might be that simple. He sighed. "I will try. Thank you, Luna."