Author's Note: Thank you Unnamed Guest for the lovely review. I really appreciate it. Anyway, I just want to mention that I have not given up on Valley of Sorrow, I'm just going to focus on this little story for now and after I finish this, I will go back to writing that. I promise. Feel free to review and leave your thoughts...those always make my day and keep me motivated to write. Thanks. Enjoy.

Chapter Four

Numbness was the only word she could use to describe it. The only sensation that poured through her body as she buried herself under the blankets on her bunk. Her life felt like it was useless at this point. What was she even living for? It didn't matter that Alex Vause just seemed to magically appear and stop her from ending her life, that hadn't changed anything. She still felt the same shitty way she did before. Only now, she was likely going to be deemed the insane suicidal nuthouse from hell by every other inmate who passed her. The thought alone heightened the anxiety that sat tightly in her chest. She refused to ever leave her cell again. Wouldn't dare seal her fate like that.

Faint voices could be heard from the doorway but Lorna didn't have it in her to look up to see whom such belonged to. Her body had slim to no energy left, she could barely move her legs let alone force herself into a sitting position.

Nicky leaned against the doorway; eyes saddened by the words that came out of Alex's mouth. Nothing broke her heart more than to hear just how deeply the love of her life seemed to be suffering. She bit the bottom of her lip and shook her head in disbelief. How could she have not seen this? How had she not noticed something terribly wrong was going on in Lorna's life? A woman who she once was able to read like a book.

She swallowed hard and tried to keep her emotions in check. Now was not the time to lose it she reminded herself. She had to be there for Lorna. Had to comfort and support the vulnerable brunette. She gathered herself and slowly, cautiously, made her way over to the bed the petite Italian lay in. Took in the sight of her. How she had herself almost completely buried underneath the pile of blankets. How her body faintly shook from the quiet emotions that poured through her small body.

"I'm here," she murmured, situating herself beside her. Her arms automatically encircled protectively around Lorna's small frame, pulling her as close as she could have her. Lips rested soothingly over the back of the younger woman's head. Nicky couldn't bare the thought of losing Lorna—couldn't imagine waking up in a world where Lorna didn't exist anymore. Nothing felt worse than that agonizing thought.

"You're not alone anymore," Nicky huskily continued, brushing a hand soothingly up and down her back. Pressing her front tenderly against Lorna's back, making sure she knew that she wasn't going anywhere. "I'm here and I'm not leaving. Anything that you need, you just tell me. I'm gonna take care a ya, baby—help ya through all of this."

The words overwhelmed Lorna to hear. Everything was closing in on her it felt like. Nobody was supposed to find her. Nobody was supposed to see her almost end her life. And, certainly, she wasn't supposed to be alive right now. She was supposed to be dead. No one knowing of her insanity—her unstable faulty-wired mind. She shook her head. None of this was supposed to be her reality. None of it.

"Lorna…Lorna, look at me," Nicky's shaky voice begged. Her hands cupping around each of her pale cheeks. "Look at me. Please. I'm here. I'm right here, kid. I'm here to help you."

Lorna couldn't bring herself to turn around. Her mouth opened and shut. She couldn't find the words to speak. "I-I—" Her mind drew a blank; she couldn't gather her thoughts, couldn't come up with a response. A way to question the other's comments. She didn't know the truth, did she? Alex wouldn't tell her…would she? Anxiety plagued her like flies to a trash can. Was that what the two were quietly discussing in the doorway of her cell? Her private business?

To see her struggling just to speak felt like a knife to Nicky's heart. She never seen Lorna this bad before. Never imagined her bubbly lover would ever lose such an innate trait. It hurt like a barefoot walk on broken shards of glass to watch her suffer this emotionally. "What, baby? Talk to me. That's what I'm here for. I'm here to listen and comfort you. Let me help, yeah?"

"What, what do you know?" Her voice not much louder than a whisper.

Nicky got up and moved Lorna over so that she could lay on the other side of her and be able to look at her face. She cupped her hands delicately around the porcelain flesh and took in a deep breath. "Let me start by saying I had Vinny come to talk with me earlier. I wanted to tell him that you're not doing well because ya clearly aren't, doll." She paused, letting her eyes search over Lorna meticulously. Her fingers stroked soothingly across the flesh of her forehead.

The color rapidly drained from her face. Lorna swallowed thickly. "Vinny? What, what did he, uh, have to say? Did he say how Sterling is? He gonna bring Sterling for a visit soon?"

That was all Nicky needed to hear to know how far down the hole her beloved brunette really was. How far she'd gotten without anyone there to comfort and support her through this. She was so overcome with grief that she truly believed her own lie. It broke Nicky's heart to realize this. To know that her absence only made Lorna even more vulnerable to her own mental sickness.

"Lorna, I know the truth. I know everything. Please, please talk to me. Tell me what happened. I'm here now, I'll take care a you; I promise. Just be honest with me. Tell me everything. I need you to tell me. It's okay; you're allowed to let it all out."

"Truth? What-what truth? How's my baby doing? He's getting big, right? Soon he'll be eating baby food and talking and I won't get to see any of it." Lorna refused to give up her source of comfort. The only thing that helped to keep her from completely losing it. Although, now that she thought about it, maybe she'd already hit that point. What person, who hasn't lost it, contemplated almost going through with suicide?

"Stop. Please stop," Nicky murmured, pulling Lorna against her body. She brushed her lips comfortingly against her cheek, tears ready to fall from her eyes at this point. "I know what happened. Vinny told me how you lost the baby, how he died from pneumonia five months ago. You don't have to keep up this façade anymore, baby. I'm here now. Let me help. Please. I want to be here for ya."

Lorna shook her head violently at the statement. She couldn't believe this. Couldn't believe that Nicky would make Vinny come all this way just to completely shatter the comforting reality she made for herself. That all of that was gradually tumbling apart before her very own eyes—she was losing her source of comfort and she wasn't sure she liked that. Didn't think she was ready for it.

"No," she whispered, her head shaking slowly. "No," her voice repeated slightly louder. She moved away from Nicky's touch and pulled her knees up to her chest. This wasn't supposed to happen. Nicky was never supposed to find out that her baby was lying six-feet-under. "Why, why would ya say something like that? Sterling is great, he's at home with his daddy. He's getting teeth and-and smiling and babbling. He's a good baby. Vinny's bringing real soon for a visit."

It was hard to watch Lorna when she was like this. So far away from reality. It was as if she lived in her own little world—and maybe, with her mental illness, she was living in a different world from everyone else. But even that didn't make any of this easier. Didn't undo the nature of what really happened. Nicky swallowed hard and sucked in a large breath of air.

She repositioned her hands on the brunette's shoulders, physically turning her so that their eyes were in each other's line of view. "No, Lorna, he's not bringing Sterling. Sterling died from pneumonia, doll. He's not with us on Earth anymore. I'm so, so, sorry." Emotions seeped through her voice, making it crack from the quiet sniffles that flew up through her nose.

"No, Nicky, who'd ya hear that from? It's just—it's not true. Sterling is doing real well with Vinny."

"Lorna, please, listen to me. You know this already—ya know he's not here anymore. Vinny told me all of it. You don't have to keep this lie anymore, baby. I'm here now. I promise. Just be honest. Talk to me. Please. You don't have to keep this to yourself anymore," Nicky pleaded, cradling the younger woman's face tenderly in her hands. Her eyes desperately gazed into frantic ones. Trying to get her to come out of her faulty perception of reality.

Lorna opened her mouth and closed it several times. Her eyes blinked rapidly. Soon her vision became blurred with tears. She shook her head harshly, trying so hard to release herself from Nicky's arms but she hadn't budged. "You-you weren't supposed to find out," she muttered, using the sleeve of her shirt to wipe at her teary face. No one was.

"I wasn't supposed to find out what?"

It was a trick, her mind informed her. Nicky was trying to get her to say something she really hadn't want to say. And for what? So, she could see her for who she really was? The faulty-wired, mentally-inhibited, woman who had no real hold on reality. No, Lorna vowed not to give in to that. She wouldn't let anyone tear her away from her only real source of comfort.

She had to get out of there. The walls felt like they were caving in on her; she could barely breathe from how suffocated she felt. She used all of the strength she could muster up and used it to push herself out of Nicky's arms. As much as she loathed herself for leaving the only pair of arms that ever made her feel loved, she knew this was for the best. She had to get out of there. She wasn't going to let anyone tear down the bubble she created for herself.

The sound of a baby's cry was what halted Lorna's journey. She turned the hall to follow where it seemed to be coming from and found a baby crawling around the floor in a repetitive circle, screaming and crying as he did so. The closer she got to him, the more she realized the baby to be her little Sterling. Tears of joy flourished from her brown orbs as she bent down to scoop him up. She held him tight against her heat, dousing the top of his fuzzy head in soft kisses. She couldn't believe it. Her son was really there, in her arms, safe and sound.

She looked down at the baby and smiled when she noticed his crying had turned into cute babbling sounds. Her fingers touched his soft cheeks, the flesh plump and rosy. "Oh, my Sterling, mommy is so happy to finally see you. You're so much bigger now, aren't ya? And so chubby, daddy is taking good care a you, I see. Speaking of daddy, where is he? Did he just leave ya here on the ground?" Her brown eyes gazed around the quiet hallway and saw not a single other soul around. She shook her head and focused her attention back on the bouncing baby boy in her arms. Nothing was more important than this moment. Having her son back in her arms. Nothing could ruin this for her.

The baby drooled as he cooed, his little brown eyes gazing in awe up at his mother. A tiny smile formed in the corner of his mouth.

That smile melted Lorna's heart. She pressed another batch of kisses all around his head and cradled his body against her chest. She wouldn't dare let anyone take her son from her again. She couldn't. He was all she had in this world. The only being that truly, unconditionally, loved and relied on her. She couldn't lose him and she wouldn't. She tightened her arms around him and resumed her run down the hall.

"Inmate, what do you think you're doing running around the prison like that?" A familiar voice of a CO yelled out to her.

Lorna couldn't stop. He just wanted to take her baby away from her and she wouldn't allow it. Sterling needed her. He was just a baby, a baby who needed to be with his mother. She kept running, turning a corner, and letting herself fall down against the floor. Her back resting against the cold wall behind it. She held the baby tighter against her heart as she tried to catch her breath.

The CO was swiftly on her tail and marched up through the corner. He stood over her, letting his eyes search her wearily. Eyebrows arched over them. "What are you doing holding a bag of flour? Where did you even get that shit?"

Bag of flour? What kind of person would ever refer to an innocent baby as a bag of flour? The question ran furiously through her mind. She tightened her arms around Sterling in an effort to shield him from the cruel remarks. She looked up from her son and her eyes met with Luschek's blue ones. Of course it was him, she thought. He always did make stupid comments like that.

"My son is not a bag of flour. He's a living, breathing, baby. Why did you people just let my baby crawl around in this place? He was alone and scared."

"Your son? What are you talking about, loony Lorna? There ain't no babies allowed here in max. You have a bag of flour in your arms. And it's a little weird the way you're holding it," Luschek replied, using the nickname that he heard other inmates referring to Morello as.

Loony Lorna? What? The comment had Lorna's body freeze. She forced herself up, Sterling tight in her arms, and ran the opposite direction. She was not going to let anyone try to manipulate her like that. Pretending her son was just a bag of flour? What kind of place was this? She ran and ran until she couldn't run anymore and collapsed against the hard cement floor. Everything became blurry and fuzzy, she shut her eyes and let the darkness take over.

With a cup of steaming coffee sitting on the table in front of her, Nicky sighed and rubbed her hands over her face. It felt like all the people she loved so deeply were falling apart right in front of her and there wasn't a thing she could to stop it. Like a nightmare that wouldn't go away. She exhaled deeply before bring the cup up to her lips for a much-desired sip. She shook her head. She wasn't going to continue to sit back and watch Lorna keep fading away. She had to find a way to bring her back to reality. Life wasn't possible without Lorna. So, she had to do something. Anything.

"Ya look like you could use some company."

That familiar Hispanic accent made Nicky's head turn towards it. Gloria Mendoza plopped down on the bench next to her. A warm, comforting, sensation followed in her presence. "Yeah, I guess that wouldn't hurt."

Gloria sighed, giving a sad smile. She placed a hand soothingly over one of Nicky's. "Ya wanna talk about what's on your mind? Have ya found Lorna? Is that what's got ya lookin' like ya don't know what you're doing anymore?"

"Don't know what I'm doing anymore, huh?" Nicky couldn't help but slightly chuckle. She sipped her steaming coffee. "Quite a description that is. But yes, I've found Lorna and she's worse off than I thought. Between her and ma, I feel like I'm losing my family…they're both getting worse and I can't figure out how to stop that. I just want to cure them, ya know? Or find a way to turn back time to where we were all mostly happy at regular Litchfield."

"I know things can't be easy for ya right now, Nicky. First Red and now, Lorna? Hmm. What's going on with her? I know ya said you heard that her baby died and she's no longer with—oh, what the hell's his name Victor?"

Nicky chuckled at the wrong name. "Victor? Ya mean Vinny? More like asshole. His ex-wife is clearly suffering from her mental illness and he can't even try to help her? No, instead the fucker runs away like a scared little puppy. He was never right for her anyway."

"Mental illness, huh? I guess that would explain why she kept telling us about how her son's at home with Vinny the asshole. Where is she?"

The redhead shook her head, covering her hands exhaustively over eyes. Overwhelming was what all of this was. She sighed. Was this how her Lorna felt all the time? Was this why she seemed to venture off into her own little world? To get away from the overstimulation? The only way she would ever understand how Lorna truly felt was if she could get inside her brain for even just a day. She'd do anything to have that chance. To know exactly how the love of her life felt, to deal with what she dealt with on a daily basis.

"I don't know. I tried to get her to admit to me the truth…but instead I think I made her worse. She ran off and I have no fucking clue where the hell she could be. I don't even know if finding her would even be the best choice right now. I obviously can't help her. She's not well and I don't know what do for her. She won't admit her son's dead."

Seeing the young woman getting more and more worked-up immediately brought forth Gloria's maternal instincts. She reached across the table to frame her hands firmly over each of her cheeks. "I know right now it seems near impossible to get through to Lorna…but maybe the best thing for the both of ya is to just support her, yeah? Just be there and assure her you won't leave. Obviously, forcing her to accept the truth of her son's death isn't going to help her. She's not at that point yet, Nicky. I know it's frustrating and hard but you just need to be a little more patient. Ya don't wanna overwhelm her because that won't do any good. She's grieving…in her own way that we can't understand."

"But she's hurting herself by continuing to deny he's dead. She's really bad off right now, Gloria, and I can't stand to watch her like this. I just want to make everything better for her but I don't know what the fuck to do."

Gloria gave a slow nod, letting the tips of her fingers caress against the flesh of her cheek. "I know. But she doesn't see it that way. She thinks pretending he's still here will make her feel better. Right now, maybe that's what she needs to keep herself going. It's not easy for you and me to understand but we can't force her to do something she's not ready to do. Grieving and healing takes a lotta time and patience. And I know it's hard for you, so, if you need some support of your own, I'll be here."

She had no idea where to even begin to look for Lorna but she knew she had to start somewhere. After bussing her tray, Nicky started her uncertain journey down the hallway that lead out of the common room/cafeteria. Gloria's words resonated with her. She knew they were true, that she had to be patient and not force Lorna to do anything she's not ready to handle. The last thing she wanted was to push Lorna too far. To watch her break apart to the point of no return. That was something Nicky knew she couldn't handle, to see the love of her life completely shatter into pieces.

Her legs continued walking down the hallway. She peaked in certain rooms but all of them appeared empty, no Lorna in sight. Where the hell could she have gone off to? She could feel her heart starting to race with each passing minute. What was Lorna doing? Worry took over all of Nicky's thoughts. She worried where Lorna was, what she might have been doing.

"Yo, Nichols?"

The greeting quickly brought Nicky out from her head. She turned towards the voice and rolled her eyes when she caught glimpse of Luschek standing behind her. After he got her sent here nearly two years ago, she never got over her hatred for him. A rather large sigh came up through her windpipe, her hands held on either hip. "What do ya want?"

Giving a shameless smirk, Luschek motioned for to follow him down the rest of the hallway.

Wearily, Nicky hesitated and gave him an unnerving glance. "Why do ya want me to follow you? You think I trust ya after what ya did to me?"

"You're still not over that, Nichols?" He inquired with a chuckle.

"You fucking got me in trouble and almost had my life thrown away because you were too much of a cowards to fess up to Caputo. Why would I ever trust you after that shit?"

Luschek threw up his hands in defeat and nodded his head. "Touché, touché. Look, I need you to follow me because I found your little loony-toon girlfriend running around here, pretending a sack of flour was her son. So, instead of being an asshole, I thought I'd put her in the rec-room until I could find you. Would you like to come see her and tell her that there are no babies crawling around this damn facility."

Nicky bit her tongue. "Ya almost earned points, almost. But when ya called my Lorna a fucking loony-toon, that took all those points away. Yes, I wanna see her. She needs me. Apparently, I'm the only one who doesn't fucking see her sickness as a joking matter."

"Okay, another good point. I just like to follow the crowd. All the girls call her loony Lorna and I guess I just liked the double Ls."

"Just take me to her, yeah?" The redhead gritted her teeth to contain her anger. What mattered most right now was being there for Lorna. Not getting angry with a bunch of schoolgirl inmates. She rapidly followed behind Luschek towards the rec-room. The sound of faint humming immediately caught her attention.

When the door opened, she saw Lorna sitting in the corner of the room cradling a bag of flour in her arms and humming softly to it. The sight ripped her heart to shreds. Lorna was deteriorating more and more every hour it seemed. Tears quickly formed in her eyes, she wiped them away with her arm and cautiously made her way over to the petite brunette. She looked so far away from the rest of them. Consumed in her own little world.

Nicky slowly situated herself on the floor beside her, placing her arms loving around her waist. "Lorna, sweetie, what're ya doing?" She brushed her lips comfortingly over the flesh of her porcelain cheek.

The sound of Nicky's husky voice quickly stopped her from humming. Instead, she plastered a smile on her face and held her baby up in front of her eyes. "Look," she exclaimed, pointing her finger at Sterling. "He's here, Nicky. My little boy is really here. Is not he the cutest little thing? He's gotten so big and chubby and he loves when I hum songs to him. I told ya he was fine."

The clear delusion broke Nicky's heart tremendously. But she had to let Lorna believe in this, for her own sake. She only tightened her arms around her and pressed another kiss to her cheek. "Course' he's cute, he's your son. Why don't I bring ya both back to your cell, yeah? You must be so tired from looking after him…being a mommy's exhausting. You need to come have a nap, baby. You'll feel much better if ya do, don't ya think?"

"Yeah, I guess. Sterling's a very active little guy. He's wearing me out with all his bouncing and crawling."

Nicky pecked her forehead and nodded. "It's settled then, kid. I'll take you back to your cell and we'll snuggle up on your bunk, how's that?"

Lorna nodded with a broken smile. Her face burying against that familiar, warm, chest. Her arms wrapped securely around her neck. "Mhmm. I love you, Nicky."

I love you. It felt like an eternity had passed since the last time those words came from Lorna's mouth. Nicky felt a warmth rush through her entire body at such a comment. A comment that showed her just how much she needed to be there for Lorna. She wanted the bubbly, loving, happy Lorna back. And this was something she had to do to help begin that long, agonizing, process.

"I love you too, doll baby. So, so, fucking much. I'm here and I'll never leave you."