AN: Like all my works, this is cross-posted from AO3/Archive of Our Own. Happy holidays!
How Topknot Stole Christmas
Power gazed longingly at the bright green, tiny, pathetic excuse of a 'tree'. As someone who had once roamed forests, this little thing was nothing compared to the mighty oaks! And… uh…oaks…
Power was an expert on everything, including trees, but she couldn't afford to waste precious—though abundant—brain space on trifling details like what all the different kinds of trees are.
But yes, this was pathetic. However, the stick-shaped fruits it bore, covered in white, green, and blood-red swirls? Those made her eyes glimmer, and widen. And pushed her to drool a little bit in anticipation of minty glory.
She tiptoed close and swiped one from the fluffy branches. She glanced side to side—Denji was in his room reading his grimy magazines, and Topknot in his, doing whatever his boring self did—and sure that the coast was clear, she stuck it in her mouth.
Delicious… Her eyes rolled in her head as she swirled her tongue around the sweet, mouth-chilling treat. She loudly knawed at it with her mighty, powerful teeth, imbibing the mouth tingly juice she sucked off the cane's scars. In spite of its redness, it did not taste of blood, which Power thought was a shame; if only she had some to dunk it in; or syrup; or melted pizza cheese to wrap around the length of it… Such delightful decadence would only be fitting for a devil of her station!
She stood up her tip-toes, stretching out her back and left shoulder while her right hand kept a hold on her prey. If these walking canes were so scrumptious, how good would the tiny people they were taken from taste? Would they be candy? Meat? Some miraculous combination of the two that no devil hitherto had the fortune of sampling?
Finishing her stretch, she took a stronger bite and snapped a chunk off to roll around her mouth—
"Power!" Topknot called from behind, "I told you not to steal the canes from the tree!"
Ughhh, there he and his lecturing voice were again; what a pain! Power would have to employ some next-level sneaky tactics to escape this interrogation.
She deftly turned around, hiding the cane behind her back.
"T'wasn't me! T'was Demji! I shaw him!" she cried, words garbled by the chunk of candy hidden in her cheek cavity. "I don'tsh even like dishgushing 'uman comphectshionries!"
"Denji." He and his eyebrow seemed skeptical. "And what's that behind your back?"
She put her left hand behind her back, very subtly swapped the cane to it, and dramatically threw her right hand forward. "See, nuph-ing! Poweur is innophent!"
His eyebrow climbed higher; sheesh, maybe she should start calling him 'Topbrow'. "And what do you have in your mouth?"
Immediately she closed her mouth and started crunching rapidly while Topknot stared, a vein seeming to bulge on his forehead. So angry! He should be careful; too much stress could give him a heart attack. Maybe he should eat more burgers, chocolate, pizza and candy canes, and fewer crummy salads. That was a sure way to improve his health; especially if he shared with her and Meowy—that was an important part of it, and as a definitely certified doctor, she should know!
After swallowing the broken up pieces of evidence, she opened her mouth and stuck out her tongue with an 'Aaaaah! Naaah-phing!'
Topknot sighed, slapping a hand against his forehead. "Forget it." He turned away, clearly having fallen for her masterful ruse. "I'm going to do some paperwork."
Gyah-ha-ha-ha! She got away scot-free! Power is the greatest!
The next day, Power suppressed her giggling as she approached the tree again, for her multi-daily snack. It was just so easy! As a foolish human, Topknot didn't realize she was actually going over her candy quota, and to keep the tree looking pretty, he kept buying more! Heheh. Sucker.
With a beaming grin and closed eyes of joy, she put the candy between her open jaws, and crunche—
She pulled it out immediately and spat, several times. Her face crunched up in disgusted fury. She tried to peel at it, in case it was merely not unwrapped, but no, her worst fears came true.
"What is this swill?! Trash! Plastic! Fake! AAAAAH!"
Seething, she stormed into the kitchen where Aki was chopping evil vegetables—peppers and carrots—and brandished the proof of his deceit in his face. "What did you do, Topknot?! Where are the real ones gone?!"
His look was both fierce, smug and tired at once. "So you admit you were the one stealing them."
"Nuh-uh! I was—only today—inspecting them!" Food inspectors were a real thing! She heard about them! As long as she didn't have to inspect veggies, becoming one sounded like fun if she was ever taken out of Public Safety. Or maybe a second job…
She licked her lips at the thought before continuing: "And you've failed! These don't meet the quality standards the people expect!"
"The people." Why did he repeat what she just said, as if she wasn't perfectly clear? Was he stupid?
Power jabbed a finger in his direction. "When I become Prime Minister I shall have you hanged in the streets, you…subpar sweet-provider!"
For some reason, her threat didn't have him falling to his knees in regret. "We'll see how soon that happens. In the meantime, I've hidden away your gum-sticks, and won't be buying any more soft drinks for a week. No candy."
"What?!" No candy? No fizzy cola to drink and enjoy the sting in her tongue? No gum to chew when her mouth was bored and in need of fruity satiation?
Power fell to her knees in regret. "Nooo! What did I do to deserve this?! Christmas is ruined…"
"Hey," Denji lazily asked from the other room. "Why do the candy canes taste all plastic now?"