Characters belong to Marvel Comics and plot belongs to Trey Parker and Matt Stone.
The Spirit of Christmas: Jesus vs. Frosty
The Schoolyard of Midtown High School
Outside of Midtown High School, not that far from New York City, snow was descending from the sky and the snowflakes made its way to the ground. Outside of the school, teenagers were having their break outside in the snow, as snow was still falling from the sky.
Four teenagers were building a snowman, that was near its completion. They were Peter Parker, Gwen Stacy, Harry Osborn, and Liz Allan.
"Frosty the Snowman was a jolly, happy soul! With a corncob pipe and a button nose, and two eyes made out of coal!" The four sang, as Liz had the top hat prepared. "There must have been some magic in that old felt hat they found! For when they placed in on his head..."
"Wait!" Harry stops Liz from putting the hat on the snowman.
"What?" Liz asks.
"Don't put the magic hat on the snowman," Harry warned Liz.
Liz was confused and she asked, "Why?"
"Because if you do, he's gonna to come to life!" Harry told Liz.
"Cool!" Liz said eyes gleamed with excitement.
"No it's not cool! My aunt from Chicago said that she put a hat on a snowman when she was a kid and it tried to kill her!" Harry exclaimed.
"Fuck him, let's do it anyways," Liz said as she, Peter, and Gwen resumed their singing.
"There must have been some magic in that old felt hat they found! For when they placed in on his head..."
After Liz placed the top hat on Frosty's head, the snowman came to life! However, it's not the snowman they expected. This snowman had sharp teeth, red bloodthirsty eyes, and soon generated four tentacles from his back. The four look in horror and then scream as the snowman grabbed Gwen with one of its tentacles and the teens start to run away before the snowman throws Gwen face front into the snow.
Liz and Peter to stopped to see the fallen Gwen.
"Oh my god! Frosty killed Gwen!" Liz cried.
"Dude!" Harry catches up to Peter and Liz, pissed off. "I told you not to put that fucking hat on Frosty's fucking head!"
"Well, I'm sorry Mr. Rocket fucking Scientist!" Liz responded with annoyance in her face. "What are we suppose to do?!"
"I don't know what we're suppose to...!" Harry stops and notices someone not far from them. "I bet he can help us!"
Harry walks pass Peter and Liz.
"Who?" Peter wonders.
Main Street
"Ho, ho, ho," Santa says, as the three teens swarm him shouting things like, "Save us! Save us! Fucking save us! Save us!"
"Now, now, calm down children. Tell me what happened slowly," Santa says to the three.
"Okay. We were just building a snowman... and all of the sudden... he came to life..." Peter started the story, before being cut off by Harry.
"I told Liz. I said, 'Don't put the magic hat... on the snowman'... and she did it anyways... and... and then he killed our friend, Gwen, and now he's gonna kill everybody!" Harry exclaimed.
"Did he kind of look like this?" Santa asked he growls the same way the snowman did, revealing his true identity.
"Yeah, kind of like that," Harry confirmed.
"Exactly!" Liz agreed, before they realized who they were talking to. Peter and Liz ran away from the fake Santa, before he transformed back to his true form and grabbed Harry with his tentacles and threw him next to Gwen.
"You know, I-I don't think that was the real Santa Claus," Peter commented.
"Well, no shit Sherlock!" Liz responded, who gave Peter a look.
"Well, excuse me! Thanks to you there's not going to be any Christmas and there's no one left to help us!" Peter exclaimed.
Liz sighs, "Oh, Christ."
The two gasps as they got an idea. Together, they both said, "Jesus!"
The remaining two teens made their way to a Nativity scene so they can communicate with Jesus.
"Jesus, we beseech thee in this time of need..." Peter begins.
"Okay, fucking Frosty! He fucking killed my classmate!" Liz cuts off Peter abruptly while cursing, catching him off-guard.
"Hey! Hey! This is Jesus! You don't say 'fuck' in front of Jesus!" Peter told Liz as a toddler Jesus, somehow still keeping his mustache and beard he had as a adult, emerged from his manger.
"Go Jesus!" Peter and Liz exclaimed.
Baby Jesus chases down the snowman who turns to face him. Baby Jesus takes the halo from above his head a throws it at the snowman, decapitating it and having it fall apart.
"Our savior!" Peter and Liz exclaimed, as baby Jesus returns back to his manger.
"Wow. That sucked," Liz sighs.
"Sure glad that's over with," Peter said.
"But you know, I learned something today," Liz adds.
"Yeah, don't put the hat on Frosty!" Peter responded.
"No. I learned the true spirit of Christmas," Liz corrected.
"Really?" Peter asks.
"Yeah. Christmas isn't about Frosty or Santa..." Liz begins to explain.
"You're right. It's about Jesus," Peter finishes Liz's sentence.
"N-no, it's not even about Jesus, either," Liz said.
"Huh? Then what's it about?" Peter asked.
"Presents," Liz said.
"Ooooohhhhhh," Peter realized.
"You see," Liz asks.
"Yeah," Peter nods.
"Presents," Liz says, before getting an idea. "Hey, how about we go to Flash's house and see where his parents hide his presents."
"Not sure I would want to, but I would love to see the look on Flash's face when he sees where his parents kept his presents," Peter says, as the two departed to Flash's house.
The End