Chapter 17 - Amends
Author's Note: We're almost at the end now. :')
~ Amina Gila
Obi-Wan still can't believe how everything of the war has changed in only a matter of days. And he knows they're in a very dangerous position now with Dooku.
"We must take action," Windu says, firmly.
"We must proceed with caution," Plo warns, "I spoke with my clones, and even they are strangely... loyal to Dooku, although they do not seem themselves."
"That has happened everywhere," Obi-Wan replies, "I still don't understand what could have happened to them."
"It matters little. The Sith must be stopped. Perhaps the clones were not as loyal we believed," Mundi offers.
"I cannot believe that. Dooku is controlling them somehow," Plo argues.
"Mm clouded the Force is," Yoda says, ears drooping, "But grave care, we must take, or risk the entire future of the Order, we will. Won, the Sith have, but let them win completely, we cannot."
Everyone knows what he means, without having to ask. The Sith have their Empire, and if they make a wrong move, they'll all be branded as traitors. Obi-Wan would've thought it ridiculous once, but now it's playing out in front of them, and it feels like there's little they can do to stop it.
They continue their discussion, until a holocall comes in, from Dooku himself.
Obi-Wan exchanges a wary glance with the rest of the Council members, as they accept the transmission. He does not have a good feeling about this. The Force is humming with a sense of wrongness and warning, not unlike it has been this entire time, but right now it feels like something more.
He doesn't know why he wasn't expecting this message from the not-Emperor.
"The Jedi Order will be officially disbanded," he tells them, "As it is an organization now under my control, it's use is of question to the new Empire."
What?!
He can't do that!
But he can, and nothing makes Obi-Wan more furious than that. There's nothing they can do to stop Dooku right now. He's literally planning to dissolve the Jedi Order – the very Order that he was once part of.
"A mistake you are making, my old padawan," Yoda cautions, the first to recollect himself.
"I am well aware you have little desire to negotiate and work for the better of the galaxy. Any individual Jedi who desire to help bring order may remain of their own accord."
As if there's any Jedi who would be that traitorous. Okay, maybe there's some. He can't help but think of Jacen and Ahsoka – who willingly joined Dooku. Did they know this was what he had in mind? He can't imagine what could be wrong with them that they would do that, but he already been wondering as much from the moment he realized they were first fighting for the Separatists.
But now... the Order is being legally disbanded. They won't be... It's stood for thousands of years, and now it will just be gone. They can't let this happen. They can't.
"The galaxy requires us for there to be any peace," Windu replies icily.
"And yet, I have not seen the peacekeepers keeping the peace for years now."
"This is a conflict that you started, Dooku."
"And this was true, even before the war. You always answered to the corrupt Senate, instead of helping the populace as you should have. That is not what I need in my new Empire, but I am not here to debate politics with you," he replies, smoothly, "I have already reached my decision. Furthermore, to ensure compliance, your members will be spread across the galaxy, to return to live among the populace. If you chose to actually help the populace on your own, that is your choice. If you use your abilities for aiding others, you will be left alone. If I have reason to suspect revolt, it will be dealt with immediately."
What?
Of course – if he was disbanding the Order that would mean they can't stay on Coruscant any longer. It means they'll have to leave the Temple behind, their home, their – the only place Obi-Wan's ever really known. This is his home. No, Jedi do not have attachments to places, but the Temple is where they were raised. It's the only life and place they have ever known.
He can't imagine what this will mean. He almost wishes they had just attacked Dooku when they had the chance at the Senate, because now it's late for that. Then, maybe they would have stood a chance. But now...
Arguments go nowhere, until Yoda gives a statement of... compliance that is not compliance, before disconnecting the call, so they can discuss the situation alone.
"In exile, we may have to go, but still Jedi, we are," Yoda reminds the others, "Help the people, we can, and wait until the time is right to act."
"It's a risk leaving a Sith in control at all," Windu argues.
"A great danger, it is, but the only path forwards right now, this is," Yoda assures, though Obi-Wan is quite certain he's unhappy. It's just that, as the Grandmaster, he has far better control than the rest of them.
"We may have to comply for now, but we can stay in contact," Obi-Wan points out. "Should we continue searching for younglings to train in secret?"
"Care for the younglings we have now, we must, but... if ones we find without spreading word, then yes," the Grandmaster decides.
There's no question that they won't be allowed to do it, but so long as it won't be a great risk, they can... Maybe risk it.
But right now, Obi-Wan's far more concerned with how the only life and everything he's ever known was just destroyed in front of them. This is the last day as a Jedi that will ever be normal until the Sith are destroyed, but when he has a legal (not) government, they can't risk it. Especially not with the clones on their side, and he still doesn't understand how that's possible. Why would they ever do that?
How could any of this happened?
**w**
Saying he's in shock might be an understatement, when Jacen hears that the Jedi Order is being officially disbanded. Strategically, it does make sense, because if they're split up across the galaxy, they won't be able to mount a revolt without someone noticing and reporting on them. That doesn't mean he's happy with the decision.
He has no idea why he dreamed that maybe Dooku and the Council would be able to work something out. It wasn't realistic, but he still hoped. He imagined maybe things could go back to how they once were, just with... some differences in what the Order was doing, maybe.
Of course, that's not what happened. It's not realistic, because Dooku is right that they're going to fight it, unless they're dispersed and have to focus on living on their own before they can do anything against him. But...
It still feels like there has to have been another way. Not that it matters now, because the decision is already made.
Anakin is going to Naboo, of course, though he's not sure who else will be going there. But it means maybe his brother's hope of them being able to just live is more than just a dream, after all.
Because Jacen knows most of all that he can't keep fighting for Dooku, at least not right now. More and more, he's questioning if this is really what he wanted to happen, and he just wants to stop fighting.
He's surprised, but grateful, when he and Ahsoka both get permission for a brief... vacation. Although once he goes, he doesn't know if he's going to be coming back. He doesn't want to, but he didn't know how to explain that.
Still, he can't shake the strange feeling of finality, when he goes to see Ventress for maybe the last time.
"Why the long face?" she drawls, eyeing him.
"I'm sure you already heard that I'm... going to be leaving for a while," Jacen says.
"I did," she confirms, "I'll be quite capable of handling whatever the Jedi decide to try."
"If they do," he objects.
"You truly believe there's a chance they won't?"
Does he? Really? Actually, he doesn't want to think about it. "I'm hoping they will consider that this is to the benefit of the galaxy." If Dooku does what he promised.
"Yes, we hope," she agrees, flatly, "But that will do little in the face of reality."
Jacen shifts, looking down. He can't say why he cares for Ventress as much as he does, but he wishes this didn't feel like a permanent goodbye. "I don't know when I'll be back," he blurts, finally.
She's momentarily quiet; he's almost surprised she doesn't immediately say something irritating. "Not to worry. Enjoy your vacation with your... Jedi friends. We'll handle this while you're gone. Someone keeping an eye on the Jedi would serve to our advantage regardless."
True enough, but if any of them were planning something, he would never report it. Not that he needs to mention that. "I guess I'll... see you when I get back?"
She nods, then smirks. "Don't say you're going to miss me."
He will, even if that's stupid. "I assure you, it will be far more peaceful without listening to you and Ahsoka bickering."
"I wouldn't question that," Ventress replies, cheerfully, "But while you're gone, try not to become a Jedi again. It would be disgusting to feel the Light Side in you."
Seriously?
He gives her an incredulous look. Honestly, though, he doesn't know how he ever could let go of the Dark. One of the main things that fuels it is guilt, and how could he let go of that? Anakin may have forgiven him – of course he did – but in some ways, that only makes Jacen feel worse.
"I mean it," she insists.
Is she saying that because she's afraid of having to fight him? Something clenches painfully in him, thinking about it. He cares about people on both sides of this, and... but if he has to choose again, he'll choose his family. Hopefully, it won't come down to that.
"Don't worry," Jacen assures, "I don't have any intention of... doing that."
She nods. "See you around, then." He can only hope it's true.
**w**
Ahsoka has never been quite so furious with Dooku before – regardless of whether or not she knew something like this might happen. Maybe he has a point that the Jedi wouldn't willingly work with him, but he disbanded the Jedi. She may have questions about them now after all the time she spent with Jacen, but that doesn't mean she's not angry.
But now, she and Jacen are on the way to Naboo along with Anakin, Obi-Wan, Qui-Gon, Yaddle, and Shmi. What they're going to do when they get there, she has no idea. It's not as if they even know how to live beyond a mission. She can't even imagine such a life.
Obi-Wan approaches her and Jacen almost immediately, presence sharpening with ice. "What are you doing here?" he demands.
She's not surprised by his attitude, but she doesn't like the way it instantly makes Jacen draw back. "We're here to be with Anakin," Ahsoka replies.
"Then why come back now?" he asks, "Or is it that you are here to observe us?"
"I didn't join know this would happen when I joined Dooku," Jacen interjects quietly.
"And what did you believe would happen?" Obi-Wan questions, icily, "You knew he was fighting against our Order. You willingly betrayed what the Jedi stood for."
Ahsoka bristles; she can't help it. "I didn't want to," she replies, "Neither did Jacen. We saw no other way to end the war."
"I know I made a mistake, but I couldn't fight for the Order seeing the path they were going on," Jacen adds.
Obi-Wan's gaze only steels even more. "The 'path'?" he repeats, "We were fighting to restore peace, while you helped Dooku spread chaos."
"No," Jacen argues, "I lived in the Republic's failures, Obi-Wan. Anakin and I, both. The Jedi were only furthering it. I know the Separatists weren't all right either, but I thought Dooku would actually make things better."
"You thought a Sith was going to make things better?" Obi-Wan demands, like it's the stupidest notion he's ever heard. Ahsoka can't say she doesn't relate to that, but she knows why Jacen believed what he did.
"The padawans do have some points," another voice speaks up, and Ahsoka looks up sharply to see Yaddle approaching.
"What?" Obi-Wan demands, voice rising.
"The Order was making questionable decisions. Even Master Yoda saw that darkness was coming. We were blindly serving the Senate, not the Force. This is why I resigned from the Council. I no longer believed in the path the Order was on. The Separatists may have had their hearts in the right place, but that does not mean they were any better. They could have been, but they were used by the Sith, just as we were."
To his credit, Obi-Wan is momentarily quiet and seems slightly taken aback – not that that's really a surprise. Ahsoka didn't exactly expect to hear that from Yaddle either.
Jacen looks away. "I didn't know what else to do."
"You could have come back," Obi-Wan replies, sharply.
"And fought for what I no longer believed in?"
"I understand your questions," Yaddle says, "Even if I can't approve of the path you choose. Choosing the Dark Side may be easy, but it is not the answer either. But perhaps, this is what the Jedi need to live among the people."
"I know that's always what Master Qui-Gon said," Jacen speaks up, "He never thought it made sense for the Jedi to have a central system and live apart from the commoners in a Temple on the most privileged planet in the galaxy."
When he puts it like that, Ahsoka definitely agrees. It's easy to see how the Jedi could have fallen from what they were once meant to be, seeing how they were so removed from everyone else. It would happen, she knows, over time. It would've been fast enough that the Council never saw it happening, and likely, generations passed before it became a problem, especially one big enough for them to act on.
That, predictably, is the same time Qui-Gon himself decides to show up. "I would like a moment alone with my padawan," he tells the others, and they shuffle out of the room.
Ahsoka glances at Jacen uncertainly.
"It's fine," he assures, "You can go."
**w**
"You were right that this would being a faster end to the war," his former master says at last.
Jacen dips his head slightly in a nod. "Yes, it did."
"I sense this is the path the Force wanted for us," he continues, "Even if I regret not fully teaching you the dangers of the Dark Side."
"Well, some of us have to learn hands-on." The joke falls flat, really, but he can't help making it.
"Yes, they do," he agrees dryly, something fond in his eyes even if his expression is slightly pained.
"I'm sorry about... Dooku," Jacen adds finally, "He was your master. It can't be easy to know what he's become."
"He has always done what he thought right. I knew of his struggles with the Dark Side. We all did. They stemmed from his childhood, as do yours."
Jacen almost wants to ask more, but he... won't. Not right now. He doesn't feel entirely comfortable knowing that kind of detail about Dooku yet. It must have been bad, dark, and it's weird to think of him having experienced something traumatic.
"When I was with him, I could occasionally keep him from lashing out. He never had... patience the way Jedi should. But in the end, he always means well."
"I'm starting to think most people do," Jacen admits, "I know I did. Ahsoka did. Dooku did – even if it's come to this."
"He was left alone on a planet deemed unimportant by the Senate shortly after becoming a padawan," Qui-Gon continues a little quieter. "No one knows what happened there, but that was his first touch of the Dark Side. Something in him changed. The planet was torn by war, but the Jedi weren't given permission by the Senate to stop it. My master remained behind himself. It is not something he ever spoke of."
Jacen winces. Somehow, it feels like he can see the Count in an entirely new way now – and this makes so much sense. Everything about Dooku makes sense now. His drive to help people is far too personal, too emotion driven to resemble Qui-Gon's. For Qui-Gon, there are limits. For Dooku, there never was.
That's when and why the Dark Side called to him, and that is why Jacen knew it couldn't be wholly wrong, because it was always stemmed from the desire to help and make things better. But, in the end, it's also from the impatience, from the drive to have it done now. On Tatooine, with their life there – that's what it takes to survive, though it's easy to see, after what Dooku is doing to the galaxy, how the Dark can burn out.
Idly, he can't help wondering if that has something to do with Dooku's way-too-elegant manner of dress, because Jedi simply don't care for those things. Why, he thinks he'd rather not know. It's not as if Qui-Gon would know that, though.
"It can't be wrong, if it lets us help people, can it?" Jacen asks finally.
"Not wrong," his former master replies, "Dangerous. The Light is patient but guarantees success."
"It doesn't feel like it most of the time." But at least whatever they used to have hasn't been entirely broken. Jacen had thought it would be over, but he was wrong. He couldn't be more grateful for anything in his life.
"It always pays off in the end."
He believed that, once, but Jacen isn't so sure he can continue to do so. Not after everything he's seen.
"I don't know if I can continue believing that."
"Truly, we don't all have the same path."
"We can still be together, though, can't we?" He hates how hopeful he sounds, how obvious it is that Jacen wants to be back home. It's not something he's able to leave, not something he even wants to think about leaving again the way many people seem to.
"The lines between Light and Dark have blurred now, but the Force feels... closer to balance."
It's really not an answer – it's one of Qui-Gon's frequent cryptic statements that make Jacen wonder if he even knows the answer to. "Maybe all we needed was for the war to end. I think the Jedi were unbalancing the Force as much as the Sith."
"Neither Jedi nor Sith were wholly wrong," Qui-Gon agrees, touching his shoulder. "The times for both are passing. We're starting a new era now. One of Light."
"Well," Jacen responds, slightly sheepishly, "That's just balance." Something inside him feels lighter now, freer, happier. More hopeful. Maybe... this is what needed to happen, no matter what it will mean for the rest of them. But this way, Dooku is forcing the Jedi to do what they were always meant to, because they cannot ignore the suffering surrounding them any longer.
**w**
He is not brooding. That would be very unbefitting of a Jedi Master on the Council – but really, so much has happened recently and Obi-Wan really hasn't had time to process it all. Jacen and Ahsoka are back, and everyone else seems happy about it. Maybe they should be, but it feels like everyone already moved on from the fact that they sided with the Sith, with the Dark Side, and Obi-Wan cannot believe they are no longer enemies so simply. Not after everything that's happened.
He has never given much thought to his relationship with... everyone – Jedi don't do that – but right now, he finds himself thinking about it anyway. He and Qui-Gon have slowly grown apart over time and Obi-Wan really isn't sure what to think about Anakin. They've always had struggles because of the nature of their relationship and Anakin's background, but ever since... before the Clone Wars, there's been a strain to them that he doesn't know what to do about.
When the war was going on, it was easy not to focus on it, though there were still... moments, but now that everything is over and all he has is Anakin, Obi-Wan doesn't know what to do about it.
"Obi-Wan," Qui-Gon greets him, entering the area where he's attempting to meditate. "I sensed you were... disturbed."
"The Jedi Order was disbanded," he replies bluntly, "How are you not disturbed?"
"I understand this is the will of the Force," he answers, "Holding onto the past will not bring it back. Dooku wanted us to help people. That is what we were always meant to do."
That doesn't make Obi-Wan feel any better about it. He was on the Council. What happened was partly his responsibility, even if there was very little he could have done to prevent it. But as a leading member of the Order, it doesn't change that he feels like he failed, or that there is no longer an Order left.
Qui-Gon stays with him for the time being anyway. Meditating with him has always been calming, even if Obi-Wan no longer relies on him nearly as much as he once did. He hasn't since Naboo, since... he almost lost him.
He didn't intend to speak to Anakin's mother until they actually run into each other later on the way. It's not that Obi-Wan has been avoiding her, exactly, it's just that her presence reminds him of when he and Anakin argued, though he would very much like to meet the person who raised his former padawan so well in a place like Tatooine.
"Anakin talks about you all the time," she says to Obi-Wan, initiating the conversation before he can make himself scarce, "But I've never actually met you."
"He used to talk about you a lot," Obi-Wan replies, "But Jedi are to let go of the past."
"I didn't mean to interfere with his learning," she says. If she's upset or hurt, she hides it well. That's probably where Anakin got that from – he does the same, though Obi-Wan can read him easily, anyway. "He always told me it helped him."
"There is a reason Jedi forbid attachments," Obi-Wan replies bluntly, "That could not be baseless."
"They were lonely. Ani told me it helped him and Jacen both to know I was safe."
"Jedi life is lonely," he answers, "We must sacrifice that for the greater good of others." He doesn't mean to sound cold. But on that note, there are other things he should talk to her about. "You raised him well fit for a Jedi, even on Tatooine."
"Thank you," Shmi replies, smiling. "It wasn't easy for any of us, but I did the best I could to keep them well. I know how much you mean to Anakin."
Not as much as you, a morbid part of his mind whispers, but he lets that go, along with the irrational accompanying jealousy it makes him feel. "Yes, I would imagine so." He can see it though, can see that she's a good person, and it... makes sense why Anakin would be so insistent on keeping contact with her no matter what anyone says. Dooku had told Obi-Wan, way back right after they first met, that Anakin would always be different, and that nothing anyone could do would change that. He was meant to be different.
"Thank you for taking care of him," she adds, "I know you've done a lot for him."
"I just did what I had to," he replies, "He was my padawan."
"Of course," she nods.
**w**
Ahsoka wasn't avoiding Jacen, at all really, but they never had time alone together again until right before they exit hyperspace when he came to wake her up from where she was sleeping in one of the back rooms. These feelings aren't new, but accepting them is, and it only makes Ahsoka feel slightly better that Anakin has the same... problem. "I've been thinking about earlier," she tells him before they can get interrupted or have to go.
He feels as nervous about it as she does, but really, nothing changed between them. Once, they did everything together and were best friends. It has no reason to be any other way, even if a lot has changed in the galaxy. "Yeah?"
"It doesn't change much," she says finally, letting go of her nervousness. If Ahsoka tries to be anyone other than herself, no matter how hard a time she might have with communicating about her emotions sometimes, it's definitely not going to go well. "We grew up together. There's no reason we can't do this."
"No, there's not," he agrees, smiling. "You're right, Ahsoka. We can work this out."
"I think we ought to talk to Anakin about it," she adds finally, "I don't know what he thinks about it. I mean, you're his brother, and I don't know exactly what he sees me as, but I want to make sure he doesn't think it's weird."
"We can do that, right now, if you want," Jacen suggests. "I doubt he'd have a problem with it."
"I want to make sure," Ahsoka replies, a bit sheepishly. "He might think it's weird." It's not as if she could entirely blame him if he did. It is kinda weird, really, especially considering how they both see Anakin as something brotherly. But the thought of talking to him about it is... "Let's wait until we get there."
"Good idea," Jacen says, "At least that way, we know we won't get interrupted."
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